Why Does Thai Woman Like To Shy Away From Small Minor Problems ? Instead Of Solving It ?

[mauGR1]

This thread is so pathetic. It's clear that people who post here never understood anything about women. Thailand was their last chance, and they failed

20 years ago or so, I was offered a book by my then girlfriend who hoped to make me aware about women's feelings. It was "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus". The only thing I remember from this book is men like to solve problems, women just want to talk about them. You wife is not interested about technical details why there is a leak in the kitchen, she just want you to hear how it ruined her day. So you listen, then you grab your toolbox and you fix the leak. Everybody's happy.

And if by retirement age you still haven't understood that, I guess the only option left is to grab your wallet and head to the gogo.

I agree with this one..My ex-wife gave me the same book a few years ago, i can't remember much of it, mostly was obvious embellished crap

I remember a song, " Girls just want to have fun " , which IMHO is a great truth..

So, if you love your lady, go to work, stop whining, and give her a lot of fun !

Just saying..

Gray's book, right ? If it is, the only thing I remember was that the writer was utterly pussywhipped.

Yep, Julian Gray.. I am not sure about the meaning of " pussywhipped ".. Sounds funny though.

Sure the guy made a lot of money with it

[ttthailand]

Money may be at the root of all your problems. My X went a week walking around with a long face. I asked her many times what was wrong but she said nothing. It got to a point that I sat her down and made her speak. she said " you don't take good care of me"...she was talking about money. I gave her more then 90 % of other farang give their GF/wife but her friend had just met another man who was stupid and gave his new Gf 50k a month, put 1M in her bank and got a 25K month apartment for her to live. he only knew her for 3 months. My Gf wanted same.....I think you know the rest of the story...she is now my X....

There is something else going on in her mind that you don't know about because she is afraid to ask or tell you. trust me !

[Berkshire]

...her friend had just met another man who was stupid and gave his new Gf 50k a month, put 1M in her bank and got a 25K month apartment for her to live. he only knew her for 3 months. My Gf wanted same.....I think you know the rest of the story...she is now my X....

Boy, talk about a guy ruining it for everyone else. Of course, some girls will make this stuff up (or fudge the figures a bit) to make you feel like a cheapskate. Good you didn't fall for that.

[ttthailand]

...her friend had just met another man who was stupid and gave his new Gf 50k a month, put 1M in her bank and got a 25K month apartment for her to live. he only knew her for 3 months. My Gf wanted same.....I think you know the rest of the story...she is now my X....

Boy, talk about a guy ruining it for everyone else. Of course, some girls will make this stuff up (or fudge the figures a bit) to make you feel like a cheapskate. Good you didn't fall for that.

It broke my heart to let her go and sometimes I regret not trying harder to find a solution. I knew our relationship was based mainly on money but always thought it would someday turn into something special...stupid man !!! No relationship based on money will ever be what we really want, a caring relationship based on love.

[HardenedSoul]

Maybe his girlfriend is just like that with him.

I can't understand why he felt the need to give her a hard time about being out with her mates. I wouldn't appreciate a girlfriend questioning me on my whereabouts and my "failure" to advise her of my plans . . . especially when said plans didn't exist at the time I spoke to her.

Maybe, without realising it, the OP's something of a control freak. In and of itself, that might not necessarily be an issue for a woman whose company and affections are financially compensated but a woman who is capable of functioning in a normal relationship, won't appreciate her guy trying to treat her like she needs to seek his consent

[ttthailand]

Maybe his girlfriend is just like that with him.

I can't understand why he felt the need to give her a hard time about being out with her mates. I wouldn't appreciate a girlfriend questioning me on my whereabouts and my "failure" to advise her of my plans . . . especially when said plans didn't exist at the time I spoke to her.

Maybe, without realising it, the OP's something of a control freak. In and of itself, that might not necessarily be an issue for a woman whose company and affections are financially compensated but a woman who is capable of functioning in a normal relationship, won't appreciate her guy trying to treat her like she needs to seek his consent

I think you are correct. The problem is that many of these girls have a history and some are pay-as-you-go girlfriends. It all comes down to trust and jealousy . If a girl is taken from the bar it will take some time to trust her...a normal girlfriend would have that trust from the start. It makes most men " think too much" about what they are doing. If the age difference is 20 or 30 years it is more difficult to understand or trust them. Young girls are lovely but will drive you crazy.....

[WebBangkok]

Funny thing, is my wife when we lived in Sydney. She met a new Thai friend.

She was a gold digger, she had this Chinese and Swedish boyfriend and they both knew about each other and were fine with it (I was thinking <deleted>)...

Anyways, my wife, she is actually from a well off family here. And her new friend was telling her that each bf is giving her $500 per week (about 15,000 baht per week) As they were also rich bastards.

She was OK looking, nothing special, had a pretty face, but was skinny as hell. My wife and I was always thinking, wow, she must be really good in bed or something.

Anyways, my wife got sick of her and they no longer friends after a few months, I did become friends with the Chinese dude, but not close. She apparently broke up with the Chinese guy because he wasnt rich enough, even after he bought her a condo in Bangkok.

This is going back a few years ago, last I heard was the CHinese guy tried to commit suicide and the Swedish guy (really fat) got lipo for her.

Thats what I call power of the pu$$y

[jacktrip]

OK Holysteel, could you give us an example of when your GF/wife had one of these shutdown periods and what caused it?

As Chrisinth says, you need to be able to discuss it, and sometimes you can manipulate the discussion so that the other person feels as though the solution was their idea.

I know it requires more effort on your part.

.......but.....Happy wife....Happy Life.

Cheers.

Ahhh... Okay let see.. I am not good at recalling past event memories though. I dun tend to store such memories in my head. But well, anyway here it goes :

Case 1 :

I was away from home for a period of time. Was in other provinces. We talked on the phone 1 night at around 11pm. All was fine. And i assumed she was going to bed soon.

Out of the blue. I called her again on 12.30am because i would like to hear her voice. Simply becos i miss her.

After 2-3 unanswered calls. Picked up on the 4th.

Her: Hello.. -background music- boom boom boom ~~~

Me: What ? Where are you?

Her: Im with my female friends. They are celebrating birthday tonight.

Me: What? But why you no tell me? I thought u was sleeping already.

Her: I dun know. It was last minute.

Me: But you should at least let me know you are going out drinking. I have no problem with that, you know? *In my mind, i knew she was playing dumb to me. But i still managed not to show that im pissed off*

Her: I dun want to disturb you.

Me: You are not disturbing me at all. You could at least send me a sms. I am your bf/husband do you know? What are you hiding?

Her: Bah bah bah bah..bullshit & more bullshit. Im not with any guys why u worry. U think too much. You Farang Poo Mak !

What has this got to with me poo mak ? I did not for starters. Does she expecting me to take it as nothing happened at all, even she so called lied to me & hide from me ?

Wow. what a expert way of shifting the topic when she was the one who is in the wrong. In the end i ended up as the bad guy. I am the one who needs to do the apologizing & shitz....

Bravo..Bravo....Simplily Bravo... clap clap clap.

There is MORE. But i am lazy to type it out

does she need to report in when she takes a leak too?

control freak / jealousy issues?!?

Edited August 23, 2012 by jacktrip

[norrona]

be content with the silences, I got home from work yesterday and the wife walked in from her job and started telling me about how her 'friend' at work is going to get new nom nom and taking a month off and going to Thailand for it all....apparently her husband who works on a factory salary is paying for it all.....I just said 'he sounds nice, wish I could have married him'

[HardenedSoul]

What's hardly ever accepted is that foreign guys fit a certain profile.

No malice towards Holysteel but his complaint about his girl not telling him she'd decided to go out on the lash with her friends is a prime example of the attitude that too many guys have here. They think that upon arrival in LOS, they inherit "the power". They believe - understandably - that by virtue of their foreigner status and the bigger financial guns associated with it, they are somehow catapulted up the dating pecking order to a wonderful, mystical realm where women defer to men, do as they're told and simply . . . behave.

Only trouble with this is that going from a 4/10 in their homeland to a 7 or 8 out of 10 in Thailand won't necessarily translate into greater success in long-term relationships with women without a corresponding change in attitude towards them. Sure if you just wanna get laid left, right and centre then your attitude doesn't really matter but a relationship with a decent Thai bird will require a shift away from the attitudes that underpinned the guy's failures with women back home.

If you're a loser with women at home, you'll be even more of one here if you don't change.

[ttthailand]

What's hardly ever accepted is that foreign guys fit a certain profile.

No malice towards Holysteel but his complaint about his girl not telling him she'd decided to go out on the lash with her friends is a prime example of the attitude that too many guys have here. They think that upon arrival in LOS, they inherit "the power". They believe - understandably - that by virtue of their foreigner status and the bigger financial guns associated with it, they are somehow catapulted up the dating pecking order to a wonderful, mystical realm where women defer to men, do as they're told and simply . . . behave.

Only trouble with this is that going from a 4/10 in their homeland to a 7 or 8 out of 10 in Thailand won't necessarily translate into greater success in long-term relationships with women without a corresponding change in attitude towards them. Sure if you just wanna get laid left, right and centre then your attitude doesn't really matter but a relationship with a decent Thai bird will require a shift away from the attitudes that underpinned the guy's failures with women back home.

If you're a loser with women at home, you'll be even more of one here if you don't change.

I don't disagree with this but it also depends on the lady. I have had a few gfs here and got alone great. My last was just like the op's gf. There is a line that they cross and when they do you need to voice your concerns or they will walk all over you. It's about trust and I didn't trust my gf so we would also have problems from time to time. But a relationship without trust can not work...and mine didn't.

[Holysteel]

WOW.. nonono.. you guys got it all wrong !!

I did not stopped her from going out. I did not control or police her like a baby or set a curfew. NO! Where did u guys get this idea? From random assuming ?

In fact i gave her 100% freedom. IF i were to be a control freak. I would have her tagging along with me to the other provinces. Period.

ITs is because i do not know why she had to lied & hided such a trivial stuffs. They knew all along to go with the party. No Thais will ever suddenly wants to jump out of the bed at 12.30 am and go to a party. Do you ?? When u already made up ur mind to sleep the night off.

What i am sore about this. IS the lying, not being open enough. Not admitting wrong for hiding. And reversing of blaming pushed to me ! She partied hard that time. Returned home in the late morning.

So am i the control freak in this case? If i were one. I would have demanded her to go home straight away. Just saying.

[overherebc]

I think you have to segregate it between problems involving her and problems involving you. If it involves her, well of course she doesn't want to talk about it. Especially if she's been lying to you. One tactic that I hear so often is the language angle. "You no understand" is a typical line, implying that your lack of Thai language skills prevents her from explaining her side properly. But if you could speak/understand Thai, you'd eliminate this tactic, no?

But just curious, Mr. Holysteel, does she also shy away from discussing problems that she may have with you? For instance, let's say she's asked you for a large pile of cash and you refused. Is she going to drop it? I would think not. She'll bring it up over and over again. So perhaps you can use her tactic against her when it's to your advantage.

Well. Believe me. I tried all ways to ID her weak points, so that i can use it against her so that she can taste her own medicine 1 day.

Problem is. There none that i can use against her..

Let me share some characteristic of her.

She is a woman of few words kinda lady. Very detached person. Although it is good in some ways. It drives me crazy sometime because i want to spend my life with a living person. Not a block of dead wood walking around the house. There is no shower of affection or some concern on her part. In short a very emotionless person. You would not know what she is thinking at times, whether she is mad or sad or happy. If there is a job that well suited her. I would say she makes a very good CIA head of director. A blank poker face.

She does not ask for money, does not reveal her feelings, does not open her feelings and discuss it. She does not say i love you or similar stuffs. To her its too sweet mushy stuff to her liking.

A very strong, stubborn willed, head strong, confident kinda lady..

Will NEVER admit if she is in the wrong. Not even 1 word of apologize. Happened many times. she just brushed it off like a politician..

Quite a hard cookie to break, if u ask me.. dam_n i do not even know why she is with me in the first place..Does she loved me or not ?

She is a woman of few words kinds lady ?

So is mine when she comes back from the office and I've only cut half the grass because TV was so fascinating.

Mind you those few words can be frightening. Check avatar, that's her calling me from the office.

[overherebc]

I think you have to segregate it between problems involving her and problems involving you. If it involves her, well of course she doesn't want to talk about it. Especially if she's been lying to you. One tactic that I hear so often is the language angle. "You no understand" is a typical line, implying that your lack of Thai language skills prevents her from explaining her side properly. But if you could speak/understand Thai, you'd eliminate this tactic, no?

But just curious, Mr. Holysteel, does she also shy away from discussing problems that she may have with you? For instance, let's say she's asked you for a large pile of cash and you refused. Is she going to drop it? I would think not. She'll bring it up over and over again. So perhaps you can use her tactic against her when it's to your advantage.

Well. Believe me. I tried all ways to ID her weak points, so that i can use it against her so that she can taste her own medicine 1 day.

Problem is. There none that i can use against her..

Let me share some characteristic of her.

She is a woman of few words kinda lady. Very detached person. Although it is good in some ways. It drives me crazy sometime because i want to spend my life with a living person. Not a block of dead wood walking around the house. There is no shower of affection or some concern on her part. In short a very emotionless person. You would not know what she is thinking at times, whether she is mad or sad or happy. If there is a job that well suited her. I would say she makes a very good CIA head of director. A blank poker face.

She does not ask for money, does not reveal her feelings, does not open her feelings and discuss it. She does not say i love you or similar stuffs. To her its too sweet mushy stuff to her liking.

A very strong, stubborn willed, head strong, confident kinda lady..

Will NEVER admit if she is in the wrong. Not even 1 word of apologize. Happened many times. she just brushed it off like a politician..

Quite a hard cookie to break, if u ask me.. dam_n i do not even know why she is with me in the first place..Does she loved me or not ?

She is a woman of few words kinds lady ?

So is mine when she comes back from the office and I've only cut half the grass because TV was so fascinating.

Mind you those few words can be frightening. Check avatar, that's her calling me from the office.

[TheWalkingMan]

Actually, I think that it is a good idea for spouses to let each other where they are going along with an approximate time they will return. Why people see this as controlling is beyond me. Why wouldn't any spouse want to say where he/she is going and approximately what time they will return?

What would happen if the spouse was out on some "secret" disco night and ended up having an accident or something. Or if the spouse's friend saw the spouse out and about and then mentioned it in passing. That could easily plant seeds of mistrust... Why didn't you let me know? Why was it a secret? What else is being hidden? All those crummy ideas can occur when people appear to be hiding something.

[Holysteel]

Actually, I think that it is a good idea for spouses to let each other where they are going along with an approximate time they will return. Why people see this as controlling is beyond me. Why wouldn't any spouse want to say where he/she is going and approximately what time they will return?

What would happen if the spouse was out on some "secret" disco night and ended up having an accident or something. Or if the spouse's friend saw the spouse out and about and then mentioned it in passing. That could easily plant seeds of mistrust... Why didn't you let me know? Why was it a secret? What else is being hidden? All those crummy ideas can occur when people appear to be hiding something.

I am totally fking agree & with this 100% from the bottom of my heart ! Why cant they let us know at least where they are going !!! Will their buffalos or their pet canary dies or something if they were to open their hearts more & be truthful?

We not living life like a secret agents for f sake ! Neither we are enemies ! We are together !!! As a couple !!

Do not really understand their mentality seriously..

[phuturatica]

Sorry seems to be the hardest word for Thai people sometimes. I can rarely get a sorry out of my Thai boyfriend, even when he knows he is/has done wrong.

I don't think it's about being emotionless I think it's all about losing face, they'd rather just forget about it and move on than linger on the problem.

[HardenedSoul]

Rubbish. The guy was out of town, he spoke to his girlfriend, she had no plans.

Later on, he calls again. She doesn't pick up until the 4th call. She's in a club. So what? He's out of town, an opportunity to party with her mates presents itself and she takes it.

Does she REALLY have to call him and tell him she's going out?

I mean it wasn't like he was coming back that night, right? I don't see the big problem but the OP does because he thinks her "quiet confidence" is indicative of indifference.

Sent from my HTC Desire S using Thaivisa Connect App

Edited August 23, 2012 by HardenedSoul

[mauGR1]

Sorry seems to be the hardest word for Thai people sometimes. I can rarely get a sorry out of my Thai boyfriend, even when he knows he is/has done wrong.

I don't think it's about being emotionless I think it's all about losing face, they'd rather just forget about it and move on than linger on the problem.

My Girl Friend of 1 year has learned.. I took 6 months hard work though ..

[HardenedSoul]

Sorry seems to be the hardest word for Thai people sometimes. I can rarely get a sorry out of my Thai boyfriend, even when he knows he is/has done wrong.

I don't think it's about being emotionless I think it's all about losing face, they'd rather just forget about it and move on than linger on the problem.

Y'know, I'd probably agree with you if I didn't know for a fact that Thai girls do say sorry. If a Thai girl or woman is afraid of losing what she considers to be a genuine catch because of something she did, she will apologise profusely.

Sorry to say it but the fact that foreign guys may not hear it so much more likely illustrates - for whatever reason(s) - just how little respect their girls have for them rather than any constraints imposed by "face".

[SiameseOracle]

Sorry seems to be the hardest word for Thai people sometimes. I can rarely get a sorry out of my Thai boyfriend, even when he knows he is/has done wrong.

I don't think it's about being emotionless I think it's all about losing face, they'd rather just forget about it and move on than linger on the problem.

Y'know, I'd probably agree with you if I didn't know for a fact that Thai girls do say sorry. If a Thai girl or woman is afraid of losing what she considers to be a genuine catch because of something she did, she will apologise profusely.

Sorry to say it but the fact that foreign guys may not hear it so much more likely illustrates - for whatever reason(s) - just how little respect their girls have for them rather than any constraints imposed by "face".

I think you'll find money also plays a part.

[HardenedSoul]

I think you'll find money also plays a part.

Nowhere near as big a part as many foreign guys think.

[HardenedSoul]

I think you'll find money also plays a part.

Nowhere near as big a part as many foreign guys think.

Ain't denial wonderful?

How long have you been married to a Thai women?

How many children do you have?

Who pays their school fees?

Why did your Thai wife choose you in preference to a Thai man?

Adult questions. Can you give adult answers?

Here we go.

The last resort of the guy with nothing to offer but his wallet . . . try to bring everyone down to his level.

Ok, just for you, I'll bite.

I'm not married to a Thai woman nor do I have any particluar preference for them since, unlike many, I still have options among women with whom I share a culture and a language. Still, I retain an open mind.

I don't have any children so no one pays school fees.

The Thai women who have expressed genuine love and affection for me have been told - straight outta the gate - there is no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Nevertheless, they remain undeterred.

No one's saying money doesn't enter into the equation but what percentage of Thai children go to international schools? Aren't there millions of middle class Thais who send their children to state schools? Would I be correct in my assumption that if you were unable to afford to pay for a private education for your children, your Thai wife wouldn't have given you the time of day?

If my assumption is correct, doesn't that make you feel a bit of a chump knowing that if your money didn't cut it, you'd probably be alone? I mean, when you met her, did you chat her up or give her a financial statement?

Edited August 23, 2012 by HardenedSoul

[kiwiinasia]

You pay for what you get. Apologies are extra. Cough up!

Sent from someplace that is near a wifi point!

[KeyserSoze01]

If this thread is not just another wind up, from the way HS speaks of his GF and her indifference, I would say it's time to move on down the road and find someone you are more compatible with. Something I learned a long time ago is that nothing is forever. Sometimes it's best to just cut the string instead of making each other miserable. She is obviously not living up to your expectations, so why torture yourself (and us)?

[DrTuner]

I'll chime in to the tune as well. Once you start accelerating downhill, you will be aware of the sensation but can't connect the dots. By the time you do, you've gathered maximum speed and can see the concrete wall looming ahead. There are no brakes, so brace for impact.

Experience will help in identifying and avoiding the starts of a downfall. But nothing is guaranteed. If you do find yourself headed to a wall, jumping off and breaking a few bones is a superior alternative to being utterly destroyed. Live to play another day.

[elliss]

How can people keep posting here with a straight face ?

Shouldn't you be fixing the gate/leak in kitchen?

Done already last week. Went to the hardware store, bought 2 m of blue pipe, plus the fittings, straight, corners, T and glue. Cut from both end and redo everything. No more leak and it looks better than the original job

And the missus couldn't do that bacause...?

it,s not important ,mie benrhie.

Edited August 23, 2012 by elliss

[nidieunimaitre]

Welcome to Thailand. You are learning.

No sense in getting worked up about it as that's the way it is with many Thai ladies. It's all about their inability to take responsibility for anything they do.

Now before the "my girl is different" crowd chimes in, my opinion does not extend to all Thai ladies, but a number do demonstrate this trait.

with many Thai ladies???? Are you forgetting thai men, thai politicians, thai visa members?

Biased post i would say.

[DrTuner]

Actually..the deal back in stone age was that women and children ruled societies, which the hunter/gatherers visited with their catch and negotiated the services of preferred wenches. The following morning the yougsters would then be equipped fot the next excursion.

it really hasn't changed all that much these days.

[MAJIC]

Welcome to Thailand. You are learning.

No sense in getting worked up about it as that's the way it is with many Thai ladies. It's all about their inability to take responsibility for anything they do.

Now before the "my girl is different" crowd chimes in, my opinion does not extend to all Thai ladies, but a number do demonstrate this trait.

Immaturity, cop out, as children often do!