Help For Victims Of Domestic Violence

[tropo]

This is probably a long shot, but are there any help groups in Pattaya for victims of spousal abuse?

My wife has come across a Filipino (met at the Thepprasit Night markets) who has been bashed pretty badly by her Belgian boyfriend whom she lives with. She's sporting a pair of black eyes right now from a bashing she received over the weekend. The police were called, but weren't interested in helping out - probably because there wasn't any money in it for them.

She's currently hiding out at a Filipino friend's place, but her English boyfriend is tiring of the situation (and scared) because the Belgian guy keeps coming over trying to find his girlfriend. This Belgian guy could be dangerous because it came to light that back in Belgium in the past he'd been charged for stabbing a girlfriend.

I heard that the Belgian guy had been tying her up at night so she cannot leave.

The victim has no money, no family here and no friends apart from the girl who is currently hiding her.

Back in Oz he would have been charged for assault and not allowed near her - and they have help groups for these victims.

What can be done in Pattaya? Any suggestions would be most welcome.

Edited August 28, 2012 by tropo

[Gone]

Go to City Hall first thing in the morning and talk with Mayor Ittipol's lawyer. He is on the 2nd floor and is free. Trust me he will MAKE the police listen and more. He is GOOD GUY. His name is Thap.

[tropo]

What do the police normally do in cases of domestic violence here? Could they have lost interest because the victim and basher are not Thai?

[Gone]

What do the police normally do in cases of domestic violence here? Could they have lost interest because the victim and basher are not Thai?

Yes they might have lost interest for that matter. That is why YOU need to press it mate. It is not nice when any man hits any woman no matter who or where.

There is a society in Rayong that deals with helping woman and children who are victims of abuse but I just can't remember what it is called. It is HUGE. Or go and talk with Father Ray.

I know many would say "why doesn't she just leave" but most of us know it is not always that easy especially if she is a foreigner and he is her bread and butter.

Call Tham Hin like I said. I have sent you his personal number in private. I mis typed his name in my first post.

Although everyone might just suggest that if she wants to leave him and cannot due to finances etc. that she call her embassy.

Edited August 29, 2012 by Gone

[tropo]

Thanks for your help.

We found her a place to stay last night and I'm considering buying her a ticket home. We have to make sure she doesn't go back. He's been sending my wife the "I'm sorry", "I don't want to break up", "I lover her", "please ask her to call me" text messages.

I almost feel sorry for him too, because he has one leg and apparently has cancer. If you hear of a one-legged guy jumping from a condo balcony somewhere near the night market, you know what it's about.

[londoedan]

I almost feel sorry for him too, because he has one leg and apparently has cancer. If you hear of a one-legged guy jumping from a condo balcony somewhere near the night market, you know what it's about.

Almost being the operative word here.

I don't care if he's got 0 legs, there are no excuses for knocking women about - end of.

[Gone]

I agree. For her it is even more difficult to look after a handicapped guy so no need to beat her. Sorry but no sympathy for him. He could also fly home.

Tickets back to the Philipines are cheap I think and I would also contribute but let's just hope she has enough power to stay away from him.

I do say it is not easy for a guy with one leg however like londoedan says no need for abuse.

[tropo]

Tickets back to the Philipines are cheap I think and I would also contribute but let's just hope she has enough power to stay away from him.

About 7500 - 8000 baht back to Mindanao at the moment.

That's what I'm worried about - does he have the power to stay away.

I'll let you know what unfolds over the next couple of days.

[robblok]

Sounds like a bad situation, many times girls go back to guys like that. I hope this wont be the case.

[tropo]

Sounds like a bad situation, many times girls go back to guys like that. I hope this wont be the case.

That's right - and some even start to think they deserved the bashing and it was their fault.

What makes this case so extreme is that she doesn't have a baht to her name, no clothes, no cell phone and is caught in a foreign (unforgiving) country with no means to get back home.

We've already given her some clothes and she has her passport.

I made an error in my OP. Apparently he stabbed his ex-girlfriend in the Philippines, not in Belgium, and he's barred from entering the Philippines.

[robblok]

That he is barred from entering the Philippines is a good thing that means she is safe if she goes there.

But the fact that she has no money nothing might pressure her into going back to him. She might even get pressured by others to go back because they don't want to support her.

[tropo]

Some background information:

My wife and her Filipino friend were shopping at the Thepprasit night market about 6 weeks ago when this girl (the victim) approached them. She obviously heard them speaking her language and was reaching out for some company.

She has been so locked up that last night when my wife and her friend took her down to Walking Street she was amazed to see the Pattaya sign on the hill. She commented that she had only seen that in a brochure and was really happy to see it in real life. She'd never been anywhere near Walking Street. She has been kept as a virtual prisoner for many months.

[tropo]

That he is barred from entering the Philippines is a good thing that means she is safe if she goes there.

But the fact that she has no money nothing might pressure her into going back to him. She might even get pressured by others to go back because they don't want to support her.

That already happened. An English guy and his Filipino wife living in the same building have been putting her up for several days. Apparently the English guy has had enough and wanted to kick her out and they were asking my wife if she could take her. We offered to last night, but this other lady has taken her in for now.

I've wanted to go around and visit the basher to give him some of his own medicine, but my wife will not give me the address. Better that way because we don't want to see headlines such as: "steroid crazed bodybuilder bashes one legged old guy" in the local newspaper.

Edited August 29, 2012 by tropo

[Gone]

Well there are a lot of "decent" single guys here (including me ) who might want a good gf so hopefully she does ok. If she gets hard up for a place contact me. I could do with some domestic help and have a bed for her and NO I'm not a sexpat lol. Even a couple of days per wee doing laundry, cleaning my place etc. would get her some cash.

[chuckd]

She should consider going to the Philippine Embassy in Bangkok.

They handle cases like this in Saudi Arabia all the time and I expect they could help here as well.

[TommoPhysicist]

1) How do you know she is telling the truth? Have you seen evidence of violence?

2) If you want to help her, why not buy her a ticket home?

Does she have a valid Visa for staying in Thailand, or is she an illegal?

Edited August 29, 2012 by TommoPhysicist

[tropo]

1) How do you know she is telling the truth? Have you seen evidence of violence?

2) If you want to help her, why not buy her a ticket home?

Does she have a valid Visa for staying in Thailand, or is she an illegal?

Let me ask you, do you regularly hand over 10,000 baht to strangers in need?.. because that is exactly what I'll be doing because she is just a girl my wife met at the market about 6 weeks ago - but, yes, I am considering that. I have a lot of financial responsibilities in the Philippines as it is so it is stretching my capabilities.

Will you help out?

Regarding how do I know she is telling the truth - trust me, I know she telling the truth. I would have figured a couple of black eyes were fairly good evidence. I have photos - should I post them? He's also well known as a basher in his condo building - the neighbours and security are well aware of what's going on.

My wife has also copped abuse from the basher - he was running around looking for my wife and friend with a knife the other night. I have seen abusive texts to my wife. He abused me on the phone 6 weeks ago.

Regarding her visa status - yes, she is legal.

Anything else, Sherlock?

[tropo]

She should consider going to the Philippine Embassy in Bangkok.

They handle cases like this in Saudi Arabia all the time and I expect they could help here as well.

Would this help the Embassy can offer include a plane ticket back home?

[TommoPhysicist]

If I cared so much for a cause (as you appear to do) yes I would buy her a ticket home for 10kbht.

I am involved in a 'self-help' support group for victims of domestic violence in CM.

Unfortunately we only support male foreigners who have been the victims of Thai nationals.

Usually with advice on how to avoid attacks, or deflect them from turning to violence.

Sometimes with a place of refuge, rarely money. But the guys first have to want to be helped out of the cycle of violence.

One of our biggest causes for concern is the woman self-harming, then calling the police and blaming the foreigner.

It really does appear to be a big problem with elderly foreign men, and much younger Thai ladies.

Edited August 29, 2012 by TommoPhysicist

[tropo]

If I cared so much for a cause (as you appear to do) yes I would buy her a ticket home for 10kbht.

I didn't ask you if you would help out, I asked if you will. Not everyone has a spare 10k baht burning a hole in their pockets.

We have already helped out with accommodation, food and clothing. We're considering buying a ticket. If we do, any donations from you would be gratefully appreciated. If it does come to that I'm going to pass the hat around.

Edited August 29, 2012 by tropo

[poanoi]

Mercy center at BigC south Pattaya can probably give a room

[chuckd]

She should consider going to the Philippine Embassy in Bangkok.

They handle cases like this in Saudi Arabia all the time and I expect they could help here as well.

Would this help the Embassy can offer include a plane ticket back home?

I don't know how it works from the Philippine side but I would presume there is some method of repayment if the government provides a ticket.

Why not have her call the embassy and find out?

[Gone]

1) How do you know she is telling the truth? Have you seen evidence of violence?

2) If you want to help her, why not buy her a ticket home?

Does she have a valid Visa for staying in Thailand, or is she an illegal?

Dude, you really need to read the OP's before replying to ads.

[tropo]

There's only one final chapter to write here:

She went back!

Had a place to stay, food to eat, donated clothes, the chance of a job, the offer of a ticket home, the offer of further assistance if needed.... but chose to go back to "dugong" (Filipino expression meaning monster) instead.

What can I say?

[londoedan]

There's only one final chapter to write here:

She went back!

Had a place to stay, food to eat, donated clothes, the chance of a job, the offer of a ticket home, the offer of further assistance if needed.... but chose to go back to "dugong" (Filipino expression meaning monster) instead.

What can I say?

poor kid

[robblok]

There's only one final chapter to write here:

She went back!

Had a place to stay, food to eat, donated clothes, the chance of a job, the offer of a ticket home, the offer of further assistance if needed.... but chose to go back to "dugong" (Filipino expression meaning monster) instead.

What can I say?

It was a little bit expected, many girls in relations like that seem to accept it. Sad story indeed.

[tropo]

I heard that the basher is moving house because he's got too many angry neighbours. No doubt he'll want a quieter place where he can lay into her without neighbours or security interfering.

My wife got a "f***k you" text from him last night.

Edited August 31, 2012 by tropo

[TommoPhysicist]

I heard that the basher is moving house because he's got too many angry neighbours. No doubt he'll want a quieter place where he can lay into her without neighbours or security interfering.

My wife got a "f***k you" text from him last night.

I have found you often get violence directed at you too.

Often from both partners after they 'make up'.

[candid]

There's only one final chapter to write here:

She went back!

Had a place to stay, food to eat, donated clothes, the chance of a job, the offer of a ticket home, the offer of further assistance if needed.... but chose to go back to "dugong" (Filipino expression meaning monster) instead.

What can I say?

Apparently, this is quite normal in domestic abuse situations. For the life of me I cannot understand why. I know of 2 very similar stories back home.

In UK, I had an aunt who married a man who beat her after about a month after the wedding. My 2 uncles went down and served up some of his own medicine to the guy. These uncles were not the sort to be trifled with. Same happened about a month later, beat the shit out of him and took her home. She went back and turned up about 3 months later with black eyes, obviously happened again. Uncles just said you are on your own this time, but don't go back or he will do it again. Once more, she went back, got another battering. She had somehow become used to it, the marriage lsted for many years, no one could understand why. She actually managed to cut herself off from her family as she was ashamed of all that had gone on.

Same with another lady who just seemed to put up with it.

[candid]

I heard that the basher is moving house because he's got too many angry neighbours. No doubt he'll want a quieter place where he can lay into her without neighbours or security interfering.

My wife got a "f***k you" text from him last night.

There you go Tropo. A nice piece of gym equipment for you to work out on. See if he lasts long?