Living With Thai Husband In The City (Sorry It's Long!)

[p_brownstone]

You should really look at obtaining Thai Citizenship for yourself too OP.

For a Farang woman married to a Thai man it is relatively simple, inexpensive and there are absolutely no disadvantages - only advantages.

For example, yes, your son - as a Thai National - can inherit property and land, however since he is a minor it cannot be disposed of (sold or even mortgaged) without the permission of the Court; if you were a Thai National you could inherit everything yourself and dispose of it as and when you wish..

Patrick

Edited September 26, 2012 by p_brownstone

[Boo]

Just an fyi, if you get thai citizenship it is yours for life, not sure who told you that you lose it when your spouse dies or you divorce but that is just not true.

[mike123ca]

Just an fyi, if you get thai citizenship it is yours for life, not sure who told you that you lose it when your spouse dies or you divorce but that is just not true.

That's problem when a thread becomes very long. I didn't see where it was stated that you

would lose citizenship because of divorce or spouse passing away.

If you get citizenship very good, life becomes simple.

If you do not then if your spouse passes away or divorce then you lose your marriage visa and any land

that was held in the marriage.

If you have Thai children, then that can be your plan B. Put the land property in their names and also

you can get a visa to support your children.

[noob7]

Just an fyi, if you get thai citizenship it is yours for life, not sure who told you that you lose it when your spouse dies or you divorce but that is just not true.

That's problem when a thread becomes very long. I didn't see where it was stated that you

would lose citizenship because of divorce or spouse passing away.

If you get citizenship very good, life becomes simple.

If you do not then if your spouse passes away or divorce then you lose your marriage visa and any land

that was held in the marriage.

If you have Thai children, then that can be your plan B. Put the land property in their names and also

you can get a visa to support your children.

I have heard that as a wife of a Thai man his nationally transfers to me while we are married but I lose it if he dies or if we divorce.

Not the same, but maybe the 'thing', Boo is mentioning?

Edited September 27, 2012 by noob7

[Sauliossiinthailand]

...it sounds like he has planned his future and it does not include you...

....I hope the debts are not only in your name....if you are a U.K. citizen and he is not, though...you will still have to 'foot the bill' alone....

(....also...whatever might be acquired here would only belong to him....I think...)

UK house is in my name only (he was still on spouse visa when we bought it). I bought it 13 years ago and he has been contributing half towards the mortgage since we moved in together over 6 years ago. He is a UK citizen now.

Thai house which we have just bought is in his name (as it can't be in mine) but that's fine for me as basically it's a load of debt.

We have discussed what would happen if we split and now we have the house here we would probably just each take the house in our own country. Obviously you never know if a split would be acrimonious but it would take a lot of effort and money for a solicitor to possibly decide any different so it's hard to see any other pragmatic solution..

We have some credit card debt in the UK from moving here but not a massive amount - he is also applying for one here (had to wait a bit as we've only just been here 6 months) - doesn't have a problem having debt in his name!!

If he was after me for money he would have been gone a long time ago! His family are all comfortable now (when we first met most of them were worse off but never asked for money - he never even sent his mum any money from the UK which is pretty unusual for Thais) and have lent us money since we've been here (mostly his mum)

This just sounds like a load of garbage and a headache why would you even get yourself into a situation like that where you have to constantly worry about what's going to be who's if you split up

Some people are into pre-nups and wills and life insurance - others aren't.We have always discussed things like that occasionally - when you are with someone from another country with different laws it complicates things so it can help to speak about them. If you are into planning to cover eventualities then it's no a headache. If you don't want to think about it and prefer to deal with things as they come up then fine. Whatever works for you.

Well if I had sat there and typed to everyone my life story i think I would have a headache

[Carry]

Get a will done asap no matter what you are planning on doing next, no matter how much you owe or how many houses you have, get it done!

believe me....It;s the most important thing you can do for you and your son!!!

[swlondonmum]

Just an fyi, if you get thai citizenship it is yours for life, not sure who told you that you lose it when your spouse dies or you divorce but that is just not true.

That's problem when a thread becomes very long. I didn't see where it was stated that you

would lose citizenship because of divorce or spouse passing away.

If you get citizenship very good, life becomes simple.

If you do not then if your spouse passes away or divorce then you lose your marriage visa and any land

that was held in the marriage.

If you have Thai children, then that can be your plan B. Put the land property in their names and also

you can get a visa to support your children.

I have heard that as a wife of a Thai man his nationally transfers to me while we are married but I lose it if he dies or if we divorce.

Not the same, but maybe the 'thing', Boo is mentioning?

Yeah I thought I read that further up in the thread - hence the 'I heard' rather than it's a fact. But I can't even be bothered to read back through my own thread to check!!!

[bina]

saullioss...

if it all gives u a headache, then take two advil and click the button on the mouse that moves u to a different thread, thats all.........

[Ashoka]

Sorry, to say that, but: forget it, leave it (him) behind, and move on.

Wrong country, to live with a Thai man.

"settled back into a Thai way of life -"

Never left this way, only couldn't really go it in London! It's not a fault, it's a DNA thing. He got raised by a Thai, so he is Thai!

All relationships outside 'high,society' I have seen, so far, Farang female/ Thai male, went wrong.

Can you close the eye on the mia noi thing, like Thai ladies can do easily, as long the man provides safety?

Also it will be expected, sooner or later, that you provide all the needed money, for having (him) a good life.

Wrong country to live with a Thai man, sorry!

That is very racist and I take offense, it has nothing to do with DNA nor does your ignorance it's just manners and education with a touch of common decency and sense.

[chatette]

Great thread, and I've read it from the start.

Totally agree with the suggestions that you give yourself a more structured, time-zoned stay here. 6mths - 7 now is just a long vacation. It's really not long enough for any opportunities to emerge, whether a business or lifestyle (ie your lack of friends). Give yourselves at least a few years to try to make a go of it, if you're serious about it. Rome wasn't built in a day (sorry, that's so cheesey).

Get a job. You mentioned you've worked as a teacher. Do it. You will meet people and will stop feeling so isolated. Engaging with people outside of you family - immediate and extended - will really make a difference.

Apply for citizenship. It is easy for women who've produced a Thai (your son) and there is absolutely no downside other than the waiting. Your husband may have an issue with the military service requirement since he was likely out of the country, but it's not a game changer. There are solutions.

Do not worry about schooling. Your son will do well whereever he goes to school if he is happy, engaged and capable. I dare say a private Thai language school may offer a better and safer education than many govt. schools in London and other UK cities.

Don't worry so much about money. It will come. You are both quite young and qualified. Your husband is at least bilingual; that's worth a lot in itself. You can learn Thai, too. It's not rocket science.

Thailand can be great and it can be horrible, just like anywhere. Most of the greatness and horribleness is in our heads. It's your state of mind that will make or break you.

I really don't buy into any of the posts that have banged away, so to speak, about the uniqueness of Thai men's sexual behavior. They are people, men, husbands, fathers, parents. I have not found anything at all odd (although I have told him otherwise at times) about the behavior of my, erhm - Thai- husband of ~ 16 yrs. His 'Thainess' has absolutely nothing to do with anything, other than he's happy, and we've lived all over the world and have a now 14yr-old gorgeous daughter who seems to doing great guns on the education front.

Frankly, I think the notion that Thai men are some weird sexual predators probably speaks more of individuals' personal horror shows than any peculiar race. I see some rather predatory males prowling Sukhmuvit Soi 3 at ~ 6:15am when I'm enroute to work, and none of them appear to be Thai, although one shd not judge by appearances.

Give Thailand a go. The weather at least is much, much nicer :-)

[swlondonmum]

Thanks - it's great to hear your views even if I don't agree with them all - it's still important to hear other opinions. You are right about my son's schooling now - he is happy at school and I don't have a problem with things that they do differently at this age - he's just learning some aspects of Thai culture which is great. I do think that in the longer term he would be better at a UK school - we don't have any international schools here but he goes to a bilingual one. I'm not going to write off the Thai education system but on the whole from my perspective he would be better being in the UK as he gets older. Everyone is different and I am not knocking people who send their kids to school here - it's just a personal opinion. Where we live (we still have a house in the UK) there are two great primary schools and secondary is too far off to worry about yet but you are right there are very good and very bad schools in the UK.

Re working - while my husband is not working (he does 1-2 days a month with his mum which brings in enough money to live on) I don;t feel a lot of motivation to go out and work full time in a school while my husband hangs around all day - . I would just feel resentful. I have suggested that while he is waiting to start a business he could work but he says the money is not good enough (even as a teacher here my salary wouldn;t be that great as there are no international schools and the schools do not require their English teachers to have any qualifications other than a TEFL). I would rather hang out with my friend here (I have one western friend) when I don't want to hang out with my husband. I enjoy going out for lunch or getting a massage as it's a lot cheaper than at home. I just don;t see it as a long term lifestyle - unless my husband can start a business here it is only ever going to feel like that. I do a little bit of work - some private teaching and some online work for a friend in the UK (a few hours a week) to keep my brain going plus I like writing and am making use of time to do some. I can speak some Thai and study a bit in my spare time (as well as leanring from chatting to his family) and am trying to learn to read and write at the moment too. It definitely helps when you can understand what is going on around you.

Yes you are right that money will come but I am 40 so not so young and want to provide a stable financial situation for our son. Money is not everything and in my lifetime I have lived every lifestyle from being on the dole to earning a big salary to being self employed. But financial security is important. I don't want to go into great details but our move here and our income being 'just enough' has means we currently have some expensive debts (eg credit cards) which is ok for the short term but not sustainable in the long term. Plus we have been using the savings to live on (and have now used up the credit cards which were the last resort to finance a business). If my husband isn;t able to set up a business here (and of course even once he starts a busines it may be a long time before he makes a profit) then it is a lot easier to earn enough money to pay off the debts in the UK. We both want similar things in life -nothing crazy but we want to have nice holidays, a nice car, a nice house, a nice phone (him more than me if anything!) and in order to live this kind of lifestyle we both need to be able to work and have a good income. We were supposed to go back to the UK for Xmas but can't afford it and I don't know when we will be able to - my family have no idea we can't afford it and want to see our son - my parents have always seen him a lot and were very close to him to it's hard that I can't take him to see them. They will try to come out but my dad has been ill so may not be able to.

And I just try to ignore the generalisations about Thai men - yes of course there are cultural differences and stereotypes but at the end of the day infidelity happens everywhere whether or not it is culturally 'acceptable' - it's a very individual thing.

Maybe my frame of mind is the main thing i can work on- I think my husband at least wants me to be happy here even if he accepts the reasons to go back. And it is easy to slip into a negative frame of mind which makes him feel like I am not trying to enjoy myself here. So I think that should be my main focus right now - making sure I make the most of my time here and especially the good things which I will miss when I go home. I think we are just here at the wrong time (for me) I think I'd be happier here if I was younger or older. I would be more than happy to come out here in my 50s forever when our son is older and I have some financial security behind me. And my husband is a bit younger so would benefit even more.

We will see what happens anyway! Next plan is to go backto the UK in the school hols (Mar-April) - possibly for good but who knows!!

[Goinghomesoon]

So glad to hear that you guys are talking about how things will work (and where ). Your son is such a happy little guy that I'm sure he'll do fine wherever he is, at least for the next few years and you can always supplement his English with some home-schooling. Maybe there are some families in town that would pay for some supplementary tutoring in English too. Thinking good thoughts for you!

[swlondonmum]

So glad to hear that you guys are talking about how things will work (and where ). Your son is such a happy little guy that I'm sure he'll do fine wherever he is, at least for the next few years and you can always supplement his English with some home-schooling. Maybe there are some families in town that would pay for some supplementary tutoring in English too. Thinking good thoughts for you!

Thanks - was lovely to meet you guys - you have a lovely family too and such an interesting life! Thanks for coming to meet us - appreciate it :-)