Please Tell Me What's Up With A 41 Year Old Beautiful Thai Who's Never Been Married?

[submaniac]

So the options are:

(1) she's a lesbian

(2) she's a hooker

(3) she's actually a man, baby!

Yeah, kind of the answers I thought would come out.

Neeranam (as usual) does make a good point; some of the things that Western men find attractive aren't necessarily what the Thais would find attractive.

I just reread the entire thread again, and I think that theblether's advice should be heeded (the other one, not about the 280lb fat chick; that post DO NOT DO): don't get wrapped up in the fantasy such that you forget the reality. You don't know her really that well. While the answers about being a hooker, a lesbian, or a man I may make fun of, there is a grain of truth in that. You really don't know what you are getting. Play it safe. Don't give her any money. Don't immediately offer to marry her. Don't transfer all your assets to her name. Just talk to her, see how it goes. If you're going to be in Thailand to meet her anyways...really you will understand what everyone means by "there are plenty of fish in the sea". Because you may meet someone else that makes you forget about her.

[Semper]

I'll just say two words, but I could be mistaken.. "Black Widow"

I would prefer "White Widow".

[bangsaenguy]

I don't think the lady is necessarily dark or lesbian or whatever. My wife was in her mid-30s when we met and has many friends that she went to uni with that are 40 and single. Just career ladies that never took the time for romance. Definitely nothing wrong with them. If they stumbled the right guy they'd get married but they're not looking. Def don't need a man for his money. They have very good jobs. Maybe the lady has just decided that it is time.

[Geekfreaklover]

If you plan to come to Thailand for a HOLIDAY then by all means arrange to meet this woman. Make sure she travels to somewhere neutral - not the hotel you've booked for two weeks. And why you are at it arrange to meet another six or seven desperate housewives / spinsters or whatever. Put it about a bit. don't ever set your hopes on one person.

It's your time and do with it what you will on your terms and if you ask me then you are better off meeting chicks through the net rather than in the bar. You won't be asked for cash STRAIGHT AWAY with a girl pretending to be miss perfect.

Or I could be a cynical expat and you will fly out and meet her and get married and live haily ever after.

If you don't try you will never know, mate.

[NeverSure]

I REALLY appreciate all of the posts. I've learned a lot.

NO I never intended to jump into anything. NO I don't trust what I see on the net from supposedly Thai girls.

But, I've gotten so much real information (and some enjoyable humor) here that I've dedided just to wait until I get to LOS next year. If she's still available and I'll bet she is, and still interested, I'll go see her. If not, as someone said there are plenty of fish in the sea. I see no reason to hop on a plane just to go see some unknown.

I have learned a ton of snippets about Thais here, and that was what I hoped.

You guys are the greatest and I appreciate it.

[Morakot]

educated Thai [women] who's never been married... She has a master's degree and is a public school teacher in rural Thailand.

That is very common. The higher the level of qualification the more likely it is that men in Thailand view this as a threat to their own identity. The issue is further exacerbated if she is a teacher, as they have (in contrast to the West) an exceptionally high social status. The traditional role of women in this country does usually not permit such a constellation where she might know more than him. Allegedly as if, a wife is someone you pay for and not someone who could potentially outshine your own status.

Edited October 18, 2012 by Morakot

[Jueputa]

A woman in Asia who is unmarried and over 25 years old is well and truly on-the-shelf!There will be something wrong with them,maybe not immediately obvious but it WILL be there!

This is just how it works in Asia,I have no prejudices towards any Asian girl as I love them but it is what it is!

[Jueputa]

educated Thai [women] who's never been married... She has a master's degree and is a public school teacher in rural Thailand.

That is very common. The higher the level of qualification the more likely it is that men in Thailand view this as a threat to their own identity. The issue is further exacerbated if she is a teacher or a lecturer, as they have (in contrast to the West) an exceptionally high social status.

As opposed to a Farang English teacher,who are regarded in expat society just below the level of a rattlesnake's belly!

[TommoPhysicist]

educated Thai [women] who's never been married... She has a master's degree and is a public school teacher in rural Thailand.

Could be total BS ....... how would you check?

Might be uneducated, unemployed and looking for a cash cow.

[Morakot]

educated Thai [women] who's never been married... She has a master's degree and is a public school teacher in rural Thailand.

That is very common. The higher the level of qualification the more likely it is that men in Thailand view this as a threat to their own identity. The issue is further exacerbated if she is a teacher or a lecturer, as they have (in contrast to the West) an exceptionally high social status.

As opposed to a Farang English teacher,who are regarded in expat society just below the level of a rattlesnake's belly!

You may find that these English teachers are not very educated and experienced in contrast to many other workers from the West.

[althemighty]

She would be a youngest daughter or only daughter. She would be expected to look after her parents and as teachers get medical beifits for the parents her parents would not want her moving away overseas or to the city as she would be considered a bad daughter. She probably does not want a local vilage guy who has no education and just gets drunk and gamble so she lives alone looking after her parents. After they die and she is 40-50 she realises her life is meaningless and looks for a westerner as that is her best option. This seems very common the parents pay big corruption money 500k baht up to get their daugter a job as a teacher in the village just so they get the medical benifits. They can not leave after the parents have paid the money and they are now trapped as the good daughter who cleans, cooks and works for her parents. There is a big lack of educated men in villages so the poor girl is now a slave to her family not ablt to have love and yes often do end up as a 40 year old virgin.

[Berkshire]

educated Thai [women] who's never been married... She has a master's degree and is a public school teacher in rural Thailand.

Could be total BS ....... how would you check?

Might be uneducated, unemployed and looking for a cash cow.

Agree. And I think the chance of her actually being "beautiful" is remote at best. But of course, that's a matter of opinion.

[bangsaenguy]

........... Def don't need a man for his money. They have very good jobs.

The fact that they have good jobs, means nothing...

They will still demand to marry a well-off man...

Even if they are past their prime (the women that is)

...and herein lies their problem...

It's called, 'Unrealistic Expectations'.

Disagree due to experience.

[NeverSure]

educated Thai [women] who's never been married... She has a master's degree and is a public school teacher in rural Thailand.

Could be total BS ....... how would you check?

Might be uneducated, unemployed and looking for a cash cow.

Well, that could be true. However, I've decided to not make a special trip but rather wait until I get to LOS anyway. If she's still there and interested, I'll go meet her. Maybe, when surrounded by Thai women as I was when I stayed in Chiang Mai, I won't care, LOL.

I do believe she's a teacher. She sends me lots of pictures and most are in a school, with her dressed very nicely and conservatively but in a feminine way for work, and interacting with students.

However, they could be pictures of someone else!!!!!!

[harryfrompattaya]

I want to phrase this delicately so I don't upset the OP, and OP don't take it the wrong way.

Sounds like she's not interested in you. If she's not interested in you...everything else really doesn't matter. Like, "well if she's not interested in you there must be something wrong with her" or "it's a Thai cultural thing". Or maybe she's not into you. For whatever reason. Like, I know it's incredibly hard to believe, but some women just aren't into submaniac too. I know! Unbelievable, right?!?! But if "not interested" leave it be and move on. I don't need to speculate as to the reasons why. Whatever reasons for not being into you or not, or not finding the "right man" or whatever, it's her call. Maybe she was in love and had a tragic love affair...whatever. Not really anyone else's business as far as I am concerned.

I am awaiting the chorus of "if a woman doesn't fall for me then she's a lesbian."

I must have missed something. She contacted me, and has been PMing me about 3 times a day for a month. She says "I'm ready if you are." Now, I just have to figure out as much as I can, and decide if I'm catching a flight to LOS about 6 months before I move there.

This gal is gorgeous, just under 5' and about 95 pounds. She has a super sweet look on her face, her smile, and in her eyes. She's not a hard case like a bar girl in any way.

Are you sure how Did you check her out. Maybe a man Maybe a great con artist

[KeyserSoze01]

Here's a concept, instead of asking strangers on an internet forum what they think, why don't you just ask her?

Does everyone have to analyze everything to death these days before they step out their door and face the day?

[NeverSure]

Here's a concept, instead of asking strangers on an internet forum what they think, why don't you just ask her?

Does everyone have to analyze everything to death these days before they step out their door and face the day?

Because I'm not asking about her. I'm asking about Thai culture, and what might be up with a single 41 year old, educated school teacher.

Yes, I don't know if she's real, but I wanted ideas on where she might stand in the culture and I got a lot of good suggestions as to what it might all be if she is for real.

I appreciate all of the thoughts I've been given.

[Semper]

Carpet muncher?

I thought about that, or too independent. So why would she be on the internet two or three times a day for a year, looking for a farang? ??

What do you think? Would you settle with a Thai tuk tuk driver, construction worker etc, if there are gullible Farangs out there with loads of money and no brains?

[TommoPhysicist]

Here's a concept, instead of asking strangers on an internet forum what they think, why don't you just ask her?

Does everyone have to analyze everything to death these days before they step out their door and face the day?

Because I'm not asking about her. I'm asking about Thai culture, and what might be up with a single 41 year old, educated school teacher.

Yes, I don't know if she's real, but I wanted ideas on where she might stand in the culture and I got a lot of good suggestions as to what it might all be if she is for real.

I appreciate all of the thoughts I've been given.

I have a pal who is keen on Internet dating (TLL), he's met dozens, only one or two were what they advertised. They are usually 10 years older than their photos, weighed much much more, unemployed and covered in tattoos. Some have arrived to meet him for the first time with all their worldly belongings in bags, ready to move in ..... he says it's completely bonkers.

Edited October 18, 2012 by TommoPhysicist

[Neeranam]

Here's a concept, instead of asking strangers on an internet forum what they think, why don't you just ask her?

Does everyone have to analyze everything to death these days before they step out their door and face the day?

Because I'm not asking about her. I'm asking about Thai culture, and what might be up with a single 41 year old, educated school teacher.

Yes, I don't know if she's real, but I wanted ideas on where she might stand in the culture and I got a lot of good suggestions as to what it might all be if she is for real.

I appreciate all of the thoughts I've been given.

I have a pal who is keen on Internet dating (TLL), he's met dozens, only one or two were what they advertised. They are usually 10 years older than their photos, weighed much much more, unemployed and covered in tattoos. Some have arrived to meet him for the first time with all their worldly belongings in bags, ready to move in ..... he says it's completely bonkers.

I know two Westerers and their wives who make a living from these sites. Stay on their computers all day pretending to be Thai girls. The guys decide to marry the girls often without meeting them. Half the dowry goes to the guys I know.

I thought know about doing it myself once but thought have it morally wrong.

[NeverSure]

Here's a concept, instead of asking strangers on an internet forum what they think, why don't you just ask her?

Does everyone have to analyze everything to death these days before they step out their door and face the day?

Because I'm not asking about her. I'm asking about Thai culture, and what might be up with a single 41 year old, educated school teacher.

Yes, I don't know if she's real, but I wanted ideas on where she might stand in the culture and I got a lot of good suggestions as to what it might all be if she is for real.

I appreciate all of the thoughts I've been given.

I have a pal who is keen on Internet dating (TLL), he's met dozens, only one or two were what they advertised. They are usually 10 years older than their photos, weighed much much more, unemployed and covered in tattoos. Some have arrived to meet him for the first time with all their worldly belongings in bags, ready to move in ..... he says it's completely bonkers.

I know two Westerers and their wives who make a living from these sites. Stay on their computers all day pretending to be Thai girls. The guys decide to marry the girls often without meeting them. Half the dowry goes to the guys I know.

I thought know about doing it myself once but thought have it morally wrong.

Yuk. How do they manage to marry without meeting?

Some guys must be idiots.

[DrTuner]

Even the rural villages have an internet shop with Skype. Do a video conf, that's a quick way to verify the looks.

[phuturatica]

My lady has 4 best pals who range from being very pretty to stunning.......all 4 of them are 31, and none of them are married. One owns her own confectionery business, another is an exec, another is a sales rep for Toyota, the fourth I'm not sure, I think she works in an estate agency.

My lady, who calls them the Old Girls, ( she's 30 ), says that they have got plenty of men to choose from, but they can't trust them.

There's a new generation of Thai girls coming through that don't need men financially.......so if they can't get the right guy, they'll go without. Bridget Jones Thai style? maybe.......but I would say better that than being in a loveless relationship with a guy that runs to a Mia Noi every 5 minutes.

Just sayin'

I second what he says...

These days some women are earning their own way in order to not have to put up with any cr*p from men and I don't blame them. I should do the same.

[NeverSure]

Even the rural villages have an internet shop with Skype. Do a video conf, that's a quick way to verify the looks.

Well if it's a scam with a woman, she might be able to show on skype, and still take a foreign guy for a ride. I won't believe and I won't commit anything until I'm in LOS and can spend some time. In the meantime if it's a scam something else might tip me off.

BTW, it would take quite a bit to convice me to marry. And face time...

I've learned that there are a lot worse things than being single...

Edited October 18, 2012 by NeverSure

[TommoPhysicist]

These days some women are earning their own way in order to not have to put up with any cr*p from men and I don't blame them. I should do the same.

Off topic here

But living with someone is about sharing, having a family and building a better life together.

If you think it's about putting up with cr*p from the other person, you aren't suitable marriage material. I have deliberately not specified genders as it works for either partner, and even same sex partners.

Edited October 18, 2012 by TommoPhysicist

[arthurwait]

She would be a youngest daughter or only daughter. She would be expected to look after her parents and as teachers get medical beifits for the parents her parents would not want her moving away overseas or to the city as she would be considered a bad daughter. She probably does not want a local vilage guy who has no education and just gets drunk and gamble so she lives alone looking after her parents. After they die and she is 40-50 she realises her life is meaningless and looks for a westerner as that is her best option. This seems very common the parents pay big corruption money 500k baht up to get their daugter a job as a teacher in the village just so they get the medical benifits. They can not leave after the parents have paid the money and they are now trapped as the good daughter who cleans, cooks and works for her parents. There is a big lack of educated men in villages so the poor girl is now a slave to her family not ablt to have love and yes often do end up as a 40 year old virgin.

What do teachers earn, 15k a month ?

[NeverSure]

She would be a youngest daughter or only daughter. She would be expected to look after her parents and as teachers get medical beifits for the parents her parents would not want her moving away overseas or to the city as she would be considered a bad daughter. She probably does not want a local vilage guy who has no education and just gets drunk and gamble so she lives alone looking after her parents. After they die and she is 40-50 she realises her life is meaningless and looks for a westerner as that is her best option. This seems very common the parents pay big corruption money 500k baht up to get their daugter a job as a teacher in the village just so they get the medical benifits. They can not leave after the parents have paid the money and they are now trapped as the good daughter who cleans, cooks and works for her parents. There is a big lack of educated men in villages so the poor girl is now a slave to her family not ablt to have love and yes often do end up as a 40 year old virgin.

What do teachers earn, 15k a month ?

If that in a town less than pop. 50k in Isaan. Maybe 10k? I really don't know, but I hear that it's not a lot. Farang Enlish teachers make a lot more.

[nisakiman]

About 7 - 8 years ago I had an affair with a very lovely Thai woman of about 40. She was also a teacher, never married, and quite comfortably-off. She'd bought her own house (teachers apparently get favourable deals on mortgages) and was lonely for male company. Positively rampant, in fact.

So why was she still single, you ask?

Simply that her mother had died when she was young, her father had retired fairly early from the police force due to ill health, and she was an only child. Ergo, her role in life was that of her father's carer, and even if I had offered to marry her ( I didn't ) she would probably have refused, as her responsibility lay with her father until he died. He was a cantankerous old bugger, too.

Poor kid. By the time he pops his clogs she'll probably be well past her sell-by date.

So the reason your friend is stunning and yet unmarried at 41 could quite easily be for similar reasons. Not many men want to take on infirm and awkward old people as part of the deal.

[chrisinth]

I want to phrase this delicately so I don't upset the OP, and OP don't take it the wrong way.

Sounds like she's not interested in you. If she's not interested in you...everything else really doesn't matter. Like, "well if she's not interested in you there must be something wrong with her" or "it's a Thai cultural thing". Or maybe she's not into you. For whatever reason. Like, I know it's incredibly hard to believe, but some women just aren't into submaniac too. I know! Unbelievable, right?!?! But if "not interested" leave it be and move on. I don't need to speculate as to the reasons why. Whatever reasons for not being into you or not, or not finding the "right man" or whatever, it's her call. Maybe she was in love and had a tragic love affair...whatever. Not really anyone else's business as far as I am concerned.

I am awaiting the chorus of "if a woman doesn't fall for me then she's a lesbian."

"If a girl doesn't fall for me then she will when my wife knees her in the balls!"

Only in Thailand.

Said with such tenderness.......

Would have to assume they would be tender after that..............

[chrisinth]

I didn't get married until I was 42.....................

I just hope for your sake she isn't the female opposite of what I was like before I did get married.................