My Brother In Law's Girlfriend

[Banzai99]

My Brother in Laws girlfriend, who he will marry early next year,

He is a seldom drinking , non smoking, normal guy from Loei province .

She is a non drinking, non smoking , educated girl from Chiang Mai who works for a Farang company in Rayong and earns 40,000 Baht per month, and I know this as I have got to know her for a few years, her English is very good, Toyota Vios on Credit, iPhone etc etc.

She is probably 30 and he is 32, neither have been married.

All well and good, but.....she wants to show that her husband can give sinsot, that's where I come in.

My Missus wants me to front 150,000 Baht to show at the wedding, I have no problem with that and she has said I will get it straight back, as it is all for show, I know this , I have lived here for nearly 22 years, I would just like some advice from ThaiVisa members who may know better.

I have been with my Missus for nearly 10 years, I bought her a car, The house I built in Loei is obviously in her name, in fact, even the Condo I bought in Wong Amat Pattaya is in her name, I sent her younger sister to university and I love her, by the way, she breezed the degree. I have bought 3 farms , 1 Nissan Pick Up, 5 Motorcycles, 1 Honda City, 1 Toyota Fortuner.

Please..................

BTW............The Fortuner is in my name.

Edited October 24, 2012 by Banzai99

[pigeonjake]

as they say here, up to you,

there is only you who know your family, if you think it will come back go for it,

if not keep it in the bank,

jake

[Rooo]

The loan they are proposing is a fraction of what you have already outlayed.

[wellred]

Tbh sounds like she is trying to reassure you in saying you will get it back anyway. All part of the face thing so I really think you have nothing to worry about as she sounds sincere. My ex wanted 600k and it was for keeps!

[thunder30101]

Hmmm why dont you tell them to get a short term loan and you will pay the interest/fee for it. That will tell you if the money is really going to come back. Personally I wouldnt do it, I never loan money outside my immediate family.

[HardenedSoul]

If you hadn't spent so much dosh already, I'd be telling you to put as much distance between you and them as possible but it seems that the financial decisions you've already made have panned out well.

In for a penny, in for a pound is what I guess I'm trying to say.

That and the fact that the time to ask for advice on a financial matter from a TV demographic that doesn't have a clue what your wife's like passed millions of baht ago.

[Songhua]

My wife's sister has visited us three times in Australia and, although we offered to pay for her flights and some expenses, she paid us back each time.

My brother in law, on the other hand, would have probably done a runner never to be seen again. We don't give him money.

Each person and each case is different. Each of us are different. You alone know the personalities you're talking about and you are the only one who can make the decision.

[CharlieH]

If its only for show, and no one is actually going to count it, why does it need to be that amount ? surely a pile of cash in 50's 100's 500's doesnt actually need to be 150k surely, as its only for show after all, and 50k is smaller denominations would look huge.

I havnt experienced it personally but I did read on this forum of someone in a similar situation and he didnt get it back and it caused huge problems. That was the parents not giving it back in that instance.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

If you trust them, why not?

If you don't trust them, forget about the loan you've got bigger problems, initiate your exit strategy and run for the hills!

[robblok]

If you hadn't spent so much dosh already, I'd be telling you to put as much distance between you and them as possible but it seems that the financial decisions you've already made have panned out well.

In for a penny, in for a pound is what I guess I'm trying to say.

That and the fact that the time to ask for advice on a financial matter from a TV demographic that doesn't have a clue what your wife's like passed millions of baht ago.

I agree, but this time its different he is not trusting HIS inlaws but the goodness of the other family. If they recant on the return of the money the OP is in trouble because i doubt the brother in law has the money else he had done it himself.

[carra]

At my wedding recently I put sin sod on display and it came straight back to me after the wedding, the same day, within an hour. I made it clear that I would not pay any but to save face for her family I would display it, it was displayed during the service in the morning with the monks but was not on display for the party at night, it was already safely back with me by then.

I think the thing here is, as yo have been more then generous, is to let it be known you are trusting them and if it does not come back then that is it for all future help, none will be forthcoming.

[uptheos]

(from OP) "I have been with my Missus for nearly 10 years, I bought her a car, The house I built in Loei is obviously in her name, in fact, even the Condo I bought in Wong Amat Pattaya is in her name, I sent her younger sister to university and I love her, by the way, she breezed the degree. I have bought 3 farms , 1 Nissan Pick Up, 5 Motorcycles, 1 Honda City, 1 Toyota Fortuner".

You've done all this and are now asking advice here about 150,000?

.....Zzzzzzzzzz

Edited October 25, 2012 by Mario2008

[robblok]

(from OP) "I have been with my Missus for nearly 10 years, I bought her a car, The house I built in Loei is obviously in her name, in fact, even the Condo I bought in Wong Amat Pattaya is in her name, I sent her younger sister to university and I love her, by the way, she breezed the degree. I have bought 3 farms , 1 Nissan Pick Up, 5 Motorcycles, 1 Honda City, 1 Toyota Fortuner".

You've done all this and are now asking advice here about 150,000?

.....Zzzzzzzzzz

Never too late to see the error of your previous ways

Edited October 25, 2012 by Mario2008

[TwoDogz]

Whats the sister look like ?

Pics ?

Maybe we/I could help with the loan...how serious is she on marriage ?

[bendejo]

If it's just for show, how about writing a check, then tear it up when the show's over? Call the bank to stop it the moment you sign it, just in case of an oopsy. These oopsy things tend to happen whenever money is involved. "Oops! Sorrreeee!"

[rgs2001uk]

What I like about this thread is the info it contains,

"She is a non drinking, non smoking , educated girl from Chiang Mai who works for a Farang company in Rayong and earns 40,000 Baht per month"

I can confirm I also know of girls coming out of uni and earning salaries of between 25-40k per month.

"She is probably 30 and he is 32, neither have been married."

The girl has never been married, take it that also implies she has no children in tow.

The OP mentions a sin sot of 150k, more than reasonable.

The reason I mention all the above, it never ceases to amaze me the number of farang coming on here and talking about being hit up for sin sot amounts of 300k, 500k and upwards, for uneducated previously married women with children in tow, who have no job and no prospects.

Perhaps anyone who finds himself in the situation I mentioned should print out the OPs situation and mention it to potential in-laws.

[robblok]

What I like about this thread is the info it contains,

"She is a non drinking, non smoking , educated girl from Chiang Mai who works for a Farang company in Rayong and earns 40,000 Baht per month"

I can confirm I also know of girls coming out of uni and earning salaries of between 25-40k per month.

"She is probably 30 and he is 32, neither have been married."

The girl has never been married, take it that also implies she has no children in tow.

The OP mentions a sin sot of 150k, more than reasonable.

The reason I mention all the above, it never ceases to amaze me the number of farang coming on here and talking about being hit up for sin sot amounts of 300k, 500k and upwards, for uneducated previously married women with children in tow, who have no job and no prospects.

Perhaps anyone who finds himself in the situation I mentioned should print out the OPs situation and mention it to potential in-laws.

Sure, but the guys need the money to impress the girls. And the girls need the money to justify going with that kind of farang. Its a trade off.

[Berkshire]

(from OP) "I have been with my Missus for nearly 10 years, I bought her a car, The house I built in Loei is obviously in her name, in fact, even the Condo I bought in Wong Amat Pattaya is in her name, I sent her younger sister to university and I love her, by the way, she breezed the degree. I have bought 3 farms , 1 Nissan Pick Up, 5 Motorcycles, 1 Honda City, 1 Toyota Fortuner".

You've done all this and are now asking advice here about 150,000?

.....Zzzzzzzzzz

Firstly, thanks to the OP for sharing his story. But I don't think his question can be answered by the members here. It's really between him and his wife. Is saying "no" going to cause a problem? Not just with the young newlyweds, but more with his wife. If this is something the wife feels strongly about, he may have to bite the bullet. Just telling the wife "no" and explaining that it's because the TV membership says so ain't going to cut it. Besides, it's just a loan....to family.

[krisb]

I dont understand...If youve lived there for 22 years and know the people who want to borrow the 150grand and they will give it back at the end of the day, then whats any stranger on here gonna offer you in advice?

Also whats all the cars, houses etc got to do with borrowing a sin sot for a day?

[tartempion]

It is a sad thing many Thai people need to show wealth, 150k is not wealth isn't?

[BigJohnnyBKK]

I think the thing here is, as yo have been more then generous, is to let it be known you are trusting them and if it does not come back then that is it for all future help, none will be forthcoming.

More like if it doesn't come back their property will be torched to the ground in the middle of the night with everyone in it.

Of course you may want to phrase it more diplomatically.

It is a sad thing many Thai people need to show wealth, 150k is not wealth isn't?

It's not "showing off money" as such, just a traditional showing of respect for the bride's family - in many upcountry communities this is a decent price for a girl without much education.

Being seen to be giving the daughter away for free would be shameful - and you really can't interpret this stuff properly though your own cultural lenses, nothing sad about it at all.

And BTW for many of us 150K's a fair chunk of change, quite a few month's income for a lot of farang teachers I know.

[David48]

What is the request for the Gold Baht?

Who will supply this?

[Berkshire]

It is a sad thing many Thai people need to show wealth, 150k is not wealth isn't?

It's not "showing off money" as such, just a traditional showing of respect for the bride's family - in many upcountry communities this is a decent price for a girl without much education.

Being seen to be giving the daughter away for free would be shameful - and you really can't interpret this stuff properly though your own cultural lenses, nothing sad about it at all.

Good explanation. I was going to reply the same. Some farangs still can't fathom the concept of Sin Sod, yet feel qualified to criticize it.

[Banzai99]

Hmmm why dont you tell them to get a short term loan and you will pay the interest/fee for it. That will tell you if the money is really going to come back. Personally I wouldnt do it, I never loan money outside my immediate family.

It is my immediate family.

[Beetlejuice]

The OP says; he want`s some advice from ThaiVisa members who may know better.

Advice about what? And what kind of responses and answers would he prefer to receive?

[Banzai99]

Everything I wrote is true, and I'm really surprised I haven't been slagged off more.

In fact, I'm really disappointed, come on guys.

[mauGR1]

Everything I wrote is true, and I'm really surprised I haven't been slagged off more.

In fact, I'm really disappointed, come on guys.

Well,as you ask for it.. But pls don't take it personal because i don't know you and you sound like a decent guy.

How younger than you is your wife ? Do you love her ? Do you think she loves you ?

And finally, but this is just me, so don't take it seriously...

...I would not pull out the dosh, good chance you see their true colours.

PS. as i understand the sin sot is an old Thai tradition, your brother in law should have the dignity not to involve a foreigner in it.

[Pormax]

To the op. For once you have had many thoughtful and good replies and not so many doom mongers being critical of what money you have spent and what property you have bought and put in your wife's name.

You have been with your wife a long time and have trusted her, so why now do you think differently?

This Sin Sod thing and about showing face to the village and the family is a still normal occurence in many parts of Thailand. I paid 400,000B but both my wife's parents handed back 100,000B during the wedding ceremony as a 'gift' to us. This was without doubt a 'face' thing. They wanted to show they had a good amount for their daughter's hand in marraige and then wanted to show their generosity in front of the family, friends and villagers by returning 200.000B

Anyway as many have said we can't tell you what you should or should not do as although you have given a fair amount of information we do not know your, your wife, the family etc. It has to be what YOU think is right.

Whether we like it or not there is a double pricing policy on Sin Sod. Farangs will always be expected to pay more than a Thai because it is anticipated that a fa ang will be more wealthy. A fact of life I suppose.

[CountSaintGermain]

PS. as i understand the sin sot is an old Thai tradition, your brother in law should have the dignity not to involve a foreigner in it.

Yes. Why doesn't the brother in law pay it? Why can't he get a loan by himself? Why does he need to involve his sister's husband? Put another way, why can't he grow up a bit and be a man?

This is a straightforward deceit. The bother in law is about to marry a girl who seems decent. But he's not been straight with her about his finances.

The OP is being viewed as a walking ATM. That's wrong and disrespectful.

This little scheme has been worked out by the OP's wife and her brother. It kind of reflects a bit badly on them.

[Banzai99]

PS. as i understand the sin sot is an old Thai tradition, your brother in law should have the dignity not to involve a foreigner in it.

Yes. Why doesn't the brother in law pay it? Why can't he get a loan by himself? Why does he need to involve his sister's husband? Put another way, why can't he grow up a bit and be a man?

This is a straightforward deceit. The bother in law is about to marry a girl who seems decent. But he's not been straight with her about his finances.

The OP is being viewed as a walking ATM. That's wrong and disrespectful.

This little scheme has been worked out by the OP's wife and her brother. It kind of reflects a bit badly on them.

LOL....Thats more like it.