My Brother In Law's Girlfriend

[sotsira]

PS. as i understand the sin sot is an old Thai tradition, your brother in law should have the dignity not to involve a foreigner in it.

Yes. Why doesn't the brother in law pay it? Why can't he get a loan by himself? Why does he need to involve his sister's husband? Put another way, why can't he grow up a bit and be a man?

This is a straightforward deceit. The bother in law is about to marry a girl who seems decent. But he's not been straight with her about his finances.

The OP is being viewed as a walking ATM. That's wrong and disrespectful.

This little scheme has been worked out by the OP's wife and her brother. It kind of reflects a bit badly on them.

And to add to all of the above,

does the bride to be also know that the OP is putting up the money?

If not, then there could be problems if and when it's handed back to him.

[Berkshire]

Everything I wrote is true, and I'm really surprised I haven't been slagged off more.

In fact, I'm really disappointed, come on guys.

If memory serves, you seem to be a decent guy. So I didn't have the heart to beat you senseless. But this is a rather personal situation. Again, is your wife pretty adamant about this? Will she lose respect for you if you refuse? You can ignore everyone on this board, but your wife, you won't get away so easily.

[The Smithy]

Everything I wrote is true, and I'm really surprised I haven't been slagged off more.

In fact, I'm really disappointed, come on guys.

I'd make a will as asking for it back will be tantamount to signing your own death warrant.I'm voting for murdered in your sleep,smashed repeatedly over the head with the Som Tam pestle,then finished off with attack chickens and arms and legs ripped off by water buffalo.

Basically a bloodbath,let's open the book and start the betting now!

Dont mention it,you're welcome!

[kevvy]

lending money is the best way to get into trouble even with family

[rucus7]

To the OP, satisfy my curiosity. After your long and trusting relationship with your wife and her family. You seem to have misgivings regarding this event. Why now? I pretty much understand the concept of Sin Sod. The money is a gift to the brides parents. Indeed it is often for show only. Being returned after the wedding, less the cost of the wedding party. The quirk I see in this, is the groom is responsible for the Sin Sod. Not you. Again what are your sudden misgivings? Causing you to post here.

[jbrain]

(from OP) "I have been with my Missus for nearly 10 years, I bought her a car, The house I built in Loei is obviously in her name, in fact, even the Condo I bought in Wong Amat Pattaya is in her name, I sent her younger sister to university and I love her, by the way, she breezed the degree. I have bought 3 farms , 1 Nissan Pick Up, 5 Motorcycles, 1 Honda City, 1 Toyota Fortuner".

You've done all this and are now asking advice here about 150,000?

.....Zzzzzzzzzz

I guess the internet is on under the bridge.

[farang000999]

what a strange topic, especially OP running off his buffalo list of previously purchased material possessions, you didn't even want the condo in ur name?

[TommoPhysicist]

Ask your wife to record the loan against her condo in Pattaya (or one of her 3 farms) at the land office.

Edited October 25, 2012 by TommoPhysicist

[HeavyDrinker]

Frankly, if I'd have shelled out as much as the OP already and the wife was going to cut up rough over 150K after all that, then I think I'd be looking at where the foundation of our relationship really lies...

I wonder though if his main reason for posting here wasn't to seek some affirmation as to what may have been bouncing around his own mind since this situation arouse...

[thunder30101]

Brother in law is not immediate family. Give them the money, it will make an interesting tv story afterwards.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

Brother in law is not immediate family.

It is in Thailand.

Personally I doubt if there's any chance he won't his money back, all a lot of worry over nothing.

And if that happens, cheap lesson learned and run for the hills.

[CountSaintGermain]

And BTW for many of us 150K's a fair chunk of change, quite a few month's income for a lot of farang teachers I know.

Personally I doubt if there's any chance he won't his money back, all a lot of worry over nothing.

And if that happens, cheap lesson learned and run for the hills.

If 150K is a "fair chunk of change", how does losing it represent a "cheap lesson learned"?

[h90]

if she earns 40 K per month, why she doesn't put the money for show?

[Pormax]

Everything I wrote is true, and I'm really surprised I haven't been slagged off more.

In fact, I'm really disappointed, come on guys.

Just wait a bit longer and they will crawl out of the woodwork (or is the bar).

They always do.

There again maybe that is the only reason for your post.

Just to get slagged off.

If that is the case then it is yet another troll.

(Though i did suspect this from the start)

[transam]

Everything I wrote is true, and I'm really surprised I haven't been slagged off more.

In fact, I'm really disappointed, come on guys.

I'd make a will as asking for it back will be tantamount to signing your own death warrant.I'm voting for murdered in your sleep,smashed repeatedly over the head with the Som Tam pestle,then finished off with attack chickens and arms and legs ripped off by water buffalo.

Basically a bloodbath,let's open the book and start the betting now!

Dont mention it,you're welcome!

No probs, Water Buffalo eat grass.

[SlyAnimal]

All upto you, consider it a loan to your brother in law, if for whatever reason he doesn't get it back, then I'm sure that he'd still repay you the debt. As from what you briefly described, he sounds like a honest hard working bloke. Besides, he's family, you can trust them to repay their debts (else at least you'll know for in the future, that he's not to be trusted, but from what you've said I think you probably can trust him).

However in saying that.

How much is he putting up himself, towards the sin sod show money?

e.g. if she's educated, has never been married before and is earning 40k a month, I doubt the total amount would be only 150k. If it is only 150k, he should be able to provide that himself, it's poor form of him if he can't rustle that up on his own.

Particularly as it's then less of a gurantee that your money is for "show", as it might be the actual Sin Sod payment. However if he's putting in say 300k+ already and just wants to top it up for show, then that'd be fine.

Also:

Ask your wife to record the loan against her condo in Pattaya (or one of her 3 farms) at the land office.

Brilliant idea, a little bit of hassle around administration etc for it, but that'd be your wife's problem not yours. It'd definitely be a good option if you were a little shakey in your trust of your BiL

If 150K is a "fair chunk of change", how does losing it represent a "cheap lesson learned"?

Probably better than when you sign as gurantor of his car / house purchase and end up 500,000 or a million baht out of pocket. 150k isn't going to be hugely missed if he's already brought and paid for all of the assets he listed off in his first post.

[thunder30101]

I guess some peoples families in thailand are more special lol

[HeavyDrinker]

Technically speaking he isn't his brother in law yet...

Sometimes I yearn to read a thread from the apologists where the Thais pay for this stuff themselves and don't go running to the nearest white man in the family.

In cases like this isn't it obvious why we look down on them so much at times?

[pigeonjake]

Brother in law is not immediate family.

It is in Thailand.

Personally I doubt if there's any chance he won't his money back, all a lot of worry over nothing.

And if that happens, cheap lesson learned and run for the hills.

jonny,

if he ran for the hills, it wouldnt just be the 150k,

look at the list of other things,

3 farms. a condo. and more,

jake

[mauGR1]

Brother in law is not immediate family.

It is in Thailand.

Personally I doubt if there's any chance he won't his money back, all a lot of worry over nothing.

And if that happens, cheap lesson learned and run for the hills.

jonny,

if he ran for the hills, it wouldnt just be the 150k,

look at the list of other things,

3 farms. a condo. and more,

jake

Yep. and 5 motorbikes..Not a very cheap lesson IMHO.

[meatboy]

i bought this,i bought that,she's got this,she's got that,it goes on and on and he's concerned about 150k bht.your having a laugh,if your serious you need some time at the funny farm.

[Songhua]

As said previously, the decision is yours alone.

But doesn't it kind of contradict the concept of sin sod (look new in-laws, I've got plenty of money, here's just a slice of it for taking your daughter out of the household) when it needs to be borrowed?

Mind you, it's quite probably borrowed most of the time even in Thais' own circles anyway.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

I had to borrow sin sod for the mother of my children, a hot bun in the oven doesn't wait for the savings to accumulate. . .

[thunder30101]

Maybe you should have thought about that before you started cooking.

[geriatrickid]

You are asking about 150K and then you list a robust asset inventory. With all due respect, that's not a significant amount for someone that has a comfortable financial status. The kids at the office call it chump change. On the other hand, if one is thrifty like me or has limited financial means it's a lot of money. If you can afford to lose it, then take the gamble. If not, then end the discussion.

There ya go - eezie peezie.

[HeavyDrinker]

^ are you Bernard Trink?

[BigJohnnyBKK]

Maybe you should have thought about that before you started cooking.

100% agree, but water long under the bridge. Not only have I taken full responsibility for them but no regrets, my two angels are the best thing that's ever happened to me, so I'm now eternally grateful to her for skipping her yaa kom, whatever her motives. And of course for leaving the scene once things got ugly - although she seems a much better person now, keeps her temper and bossiness well under control these days, at least from the little I see when she comes to visit the kids. But no plans to take her back, no thanks. . .

Edited October 26, 2012 by BigJohnnyBKK

[Banzai99]

if she earns 40 K per month, why she doesn't put the money for show?

Toyota Vios monthly payments, money to family etc etc.

[inthepink]

Technically speaking he isn't his brother in law yet...

Sometimes I yearn to read a thread from the apologists where the Thais pay for this stuff themselves and don't go running to the nearest white man in the family.

In cases like this isn't it obvious why we look down on them so much at times?

I'm not an apologist but I do look down on people like you who mix with one particular section of Thai society and generalise about the entire nation based on your experiences. Edited October 26, 2012 by inthepink

[Banzai99]

i bought this,i bought that,she's got this,she's got that,it goes on and on and he's concerned about 150k bht.your having a laugh,if your serious you need some time at the funny farm.

Why do I need time in a Funny Farm ?

If I lived in The UK and I had bought these things would you say the same ?

I don't live in the UK though, I have lived here since 1990, when I lived in the UK I bought my ex wife a Car, when I left the UK she got the House that I had Paid for.