Staying Faithful

[mauGR1]

. One of the big reasons I came to Thailand was to get away from all of this kind of nonsense in the West. . Leave Thailand alone. It has existed without your European Christian values for centuries and does not need them now.

I agree.

Once i used to believe in monogamy, but that didn't save me from being cheated.

I realised that loving someone has nothing to do with building a cage around her/ him.

[HeavyDrinker]

My wife thinks monogamy a good idea; when I try and debate the issue with her I get what is generally termed as "a good bollocking".

[BigJohnnyBKK]

My wife thinks monogamy a good idea; when I try and debate the issue with her I get what is generally termed as "a good bollocking".

Domestic violence against men is not a joking matter. If you actually suffer from such abuse, I strongly suggest you solve the problem ASAP, with outside help if necessary.

And as I pointed out, raising this issue after the deal's been closed is indeed a very sensitive negotiation, and not possible for many.

However if an open arrangement is presented as a bottom-line deal-breaker from the beginning then it is entirely possible, especially here.

[simple1]

tommyphysicist, your wife is trying to pass you on to her younger sister.

and this is the woman you chose to have children to, to raise your children, good luck with that. lol.

Perhaps tommyphysicist has been a little too honest with his wife. Accordingly his wife is being wise and trying to keep the money and assets within the family. No disrespect intended...

Edited November 12, 2012 by simple1

[HeavyDrinker]

Dude, simmer. My word you are a serious chap at times...

Her bark is worse than her bite but my word she can't half bark...

[Neeranam]

. One of the big reasons I came to Thailand was to get away from all of this kind of nonsense in the West. . Leave Thailand alone. It has existed without your European Christian values for centuries and does not need them now.

I agree.

Once i used to believe in monogamy, but that didn't save me from being cheated.

I realised that loving someone has nothing to do with building a cage around her/ him.

It's all to do with how much integrity you have as man/woman.

I wouldn't cheat on my wife as we discussed this before getting married. However we did agree that if either of us did want to stray that they let the other know, agree to it(unlikely) or separate to go our own ways.

Perhaps many here can't communicate properly with their wives and make many assumptions.

I've known many Thai women suffer badly when their Thai husband strays. My wife's father had mia nois and the whole family suffered. One reason Thai women marry Westerners is that they think they are better.

I hear many expats criticize Thai men and don't want to befriend them but on the other hand say they have mia nois so it's OK for them too.

A life based on dishonesty is not right for me - omission of the truth is dishonesty too.

I lived a wild, debaucherous life in the past and couldn't look at myself in the mirror without disgust.

Now, I've learned to love myself and others, and like what I see in the mirror, wrinkles and all. Another thing I can do now is sleep like a log with a clear conscience. This is surely better than the alternative of severely hurting my wife and children all for a few minutes of selfish pleasure.

[Semper]

My wife thinks monogamy a good idea; when I try and debate the issue with her I get what is generally termed as "a good bollocking".

Does this include her showing the knife she'll use to cut off your willie with?

[HeavyDrinker]

My wife thinks monogamy a good idea; when I try and debate the issue with her I get what is generally termed as "a good bollocking".

Does this include her showing the knife she'll use to cut off your willie with?

She tends to wield "Excalibur" :- my old cricket bat...

[chiangmaikelly]

. One of the big reasons I came to Thailand was to get away from all of this kind of nonsense in the West. . Leave Thailand alone. It has existed without your European Christian values for centuries and does not need them now.

I agree.

Once i used to believe in monogamy, but that didn't save me from being cheated.

I realised that loving someone has nothing to do with building a cage around her/ him.

It's all to do with how much integrity you have as man/woman.

I wouldn't cheat on my wife as we discussed this before getting married. However we did agree that if either of us did want to stray that they let the other know, agree to it(unlikely) or separate to go our own ways.

Perhaps many here can't communicate properly with their wives and make many assumptions.

I've known many Thai women suffer badly when their Thai husband strays. My wife's father had mia nois and the whole family suffered. One reason Thai women marry Westerners is that they think they are better.

I hear many expats criticize Thai men and don't want to befriend them but on the other hand say they have mia nois so it's OK for them too.

A life based on dishonesty is not right for me - omission of the truth is dishonesty too.

I lived a wild, debaucherous life in the past and couldn't look at myself in the mirror without disgust.

Now, I've learned to love myself and others, and like what I see in the mirror, wrinkles and all. Another thing I can do now is sleep like a log with a clear conscience. This is surely better than the alternative of severely hurting my wife and children all for a few minutes of selfish pleasure.

Does this remind anyone of the portrait of Dorian Gray?

[phuturatica]

I'm not one for cheating and I don't condone it from the other half either.

I don't care if I live in a society where monogamy is less valued, it's about what I value in a relationship.

[HeavyDrinker]

Well said missie....

[BigJohnnyBKK]

Dude, simmer. My word you are a serious chap at times...

Her bark is worse than her bite but my word she can't half bark...

Sorry for taking your kidding around so seriously, but when you've had intimate experience with domestic violence better safe than sorry, plenty of old farang cowering in their boots under the thumb of TGs who turned out not to be so sweet and demure as they'd originally thought.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

tommyphysicist, your wife is trying to pass you on to her younger sister.

and this is the woman you chose to have children to, to raise your children, good luck with that. lol.

Perhaps tommyphysicist has been a little too honest with his wife. Accordingly his wife is being wise and trying to keep the money and assets within the family. No disrespect intended...

@Payak, you really think that there's something immoral going on there?

Perfectly sensible arrangement if you ask me, everyone involved is a consenting adult.

Just because it doesn't fit your leave it to beaver image of a standard family unit doesn't make it wrong.

[HeavyDrinker]

Dude, simmer. My word you are a serious chap at times...

Her bark is worse than her bite but my word she can't half bark...

Sorry for taking your kidding around so seriously, but when you've had intimate experience with domestic violence better safe than sorry, plenty of old farang cowering in their boots under the thumb of TGs who turned out not to be so sweet and demure as they'd originally thought.

I hear you pal! Nice to know there are good, concerned folks about.

[chiangmaikelly]

When you drive past a motel with plastic curtains in Bangkok do you think the cars are taking showers in there?

Gee folks this is Thailand. Get with the program. If you want to change things get a book.

[HeavyDrinker]

Is that you spreadin' the word CMK?

[chiangmaikelly]

Is that you spreadin' the word CMK?

You know it brother. I save the woman from sin.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

When you drive past a motel with plastic curtains in Bangkok do you think the cars are taking showers in there?

Gee folks this is Thailand. Get with the program. If you want to change things get a book.

It is true that dishonesty - lying, stealing cheating and far far worse crimes are very common not just here but in some cases even more so our home countries.

Just because such things are commonplace doesn't make them OK, no matter where you choose to live - feeding it to the ducks being an appropriate counter-example.

And I don't pretend that what I write will cause those who don't care about their personal integrity to change their behavior. Of course you're free to live without heeding your own conscience, we all make our bed and have to lie in it.

I'm not a bible-bashing idiot advocating for some arbitrary archaic religious standard, just trying to make people aware of the fact that it isn't a choice between monogamy on the one hand and being dishonest on the other.

Many people think the third alternative - an open and honest arrangement with your partners - is as immoral as true "cheating", and I'm trying to point out that isn't the case.

Many people may think it's very difficult to find an open-minded mate, and I'm trying to point out that isn't necessarily the case especially in Thailand, just depends on what priority you give that factor among the others on which you base your choice.

[Scoop1]

Personally I would not cheat. It's not for me. I hold trust and honesty very highly in a relationship and if I was to cheat it would make a mockery or my values.

Very very well said, your girl is so lucky, its a shame that there is not more morally bound people in the world

Cheers

scoop

[mjj]

BigJ,

Do your other halves have another half? Or quarters? But you get what I'm saying. Don't you?

[BigJohnnyBKK]

BigJ,

Do your other halves have another half? Or quarters? But you get what I'm saying. Don't you?

Depends on the nature of the relationship - both theirs to me and theirs to potential others. Those that are free agents, not part of my household yes and I don't even want to know about their other guys, not of interest to me.

Those that are in my boarding/learning programmes have rules to abide by, and generally aren't ready to get out and about in the big city or even online until later stages, so don't have the opportunity even if they wanted to - but of course they're free to leave completely anytime they like.

Nothing to do with my desire to keep them to myself, more protecting them from their own stupidity, and often part of my commitment to their family/guardian trusting them to my care.

And as soon as even the ready-to-fly ones show any hint of working the short-term p2p scene out they go, the whole point is for them to be looking for long-term committed relationships, not just hustling for spending money. In most cases they actually have a full-fledged sponsor all lined up before they leave me.

[mjj]

Sorry, I have no idea what you are saying.

In any previous or current open relationships that you have, are your partners free to sleep with whoever they want?

[BigJohnnyBKK]

Sorry, I have no idea what you are saying.

In any previous or current open relationships that you have, are your partners free to sleep with whoever they want?

I'm afraid it's not that simple. With all of my true marriages and the "more normal" transactional relationships, rent-a-gf yes, including my first two marriages to farang women long before I came to Thailand and for the past ten years or so here once I wised up that was the way to go.

However with some of my arrangements, I have responsibility to the girls' sponsor or family to not allow her to out and about unsupervised, so there's no opportunity. In theory if one of them had an outside boyfriend that wanted to come visit for a bonk and that were fine with her family OK, but I can't imagine that situation arising, most of them aren't even willing to own up to the fact that they actually sex, you've probably noticed that many women consider that shameful, and not just here in LoS.

Some do end up fooling around with each other though and I have no problem with that.

Short answer, if the gist of your question is "are you fair about it" the answer is yes, I would never expect a girl to be "faithful" to me if I'm regularly bonking dozens of other girls, for a start if she's a normal healthy human I don't have the energy or stamina to keep them all happy.

Edited November 12, 2012 by BigJohnnyBKK

[mjj]

Do you run a brothel then?

Why do girls have sponsors? What arrangement would a sponsor have with you? And why do they come to you? Why would a family give you their daughter? What is you boarding/learning programme?

[simple1]

Sorry, I have no idea what you are saying.

In any previous or current open relationships that you have, are your partners free to sleep with whoever they want?

I'm afraid it's not that simple. With all of my true marriages and the "more normal" transactional relationships, rent-a-gf yes, including my first two marriages to farang women long before I came to Thailand and for the past ten years or so here once I wised up that was the way to go.

However with some of my arrangements, I have responsibility to the girls' sponsor or family to not allow her to out and about unsupervised, so there's no opportunity. In theory if one of them had an outside boyfriend that wanted to come visit for a bonk and that were fine with her family OK, but I can't imagine that situation arising, most of them aren't even willing to own up to the fact that they actually sex, you've probably noticed that many women consider that shameful, and not just here in LoS.

Some do end up fooling around with each other though and I have no problem with that.

Short answer, if the gist of your question is "are you fair about it" the answer is yes, I would never expect a girl to be "faithful" to me if I'm regularly bonking dozens of other girls, for a start if she's a normal healthy human I don't have the energy or stamina to keep them all happy.

No I haven't noticed many women consider sex as shameful, I have noted that women actually enjoy mutually consensual sex. Rather odd comment...

[nietzche]

Men in the West cheat on their partners also.

The only difference is that they do not have as many opportunities to do so as we do

I'm sure they would if they could.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

No I haven't noticed many women consider sex as shameful, I have noted that women actually enjoy mutually consensual sex. Rather odd comment...

Not ashamed of the act itself, just the fact that they discover they actually enjoy it.

I'm talking about girls raised in a very traditional manner with little experience outside what their granny told them, culture kind of like a hundred years ago back home, maybe only 50 in rural America, some religous communities still that way.

Traditional Catholic and Muslim raised girls are the same way starting out. . .

Do you run a brothel then?

Why do girls have sponsors? What arrangement would a sponsor have with you? And why do they come to you? Why would a family give you their daughter? What is you boarding/learning programme?

Never mind, but no to the brothel. The whole topic just sets off too much indignation here, feel free to search past threads if you're that interested.

Edited November 12, 2012 by BigJohnnyBKK

[mjj]

No I haven't noticed many women consider sex as shameful, I have noted that women actually enjoy mutually consensual sex. Rather odd comment...

Not ashamed of the act itself, just the fact that they discover they actually enjoy it.

I'm talking about girls raised in a very traditional manner with little experience outside what their granny told them, culture kind of like a hundred years ago back home, maybe only 50 in rural America, some religous communities still that way.

Traditional Catholic and Muslim raised girls are the same way starting out. . .

Do you run a brothel then?

Why do girls have sponsors? What arrangement would a sponsor have with you? And why do they come to you? Why would a family give you their daughter? What is you boarding/learning programme?

Never mind, but no to the brothel. The whole topic just sets off too much indignation here, feel free to search past threads if you're that interested.

I wasn't being indignant, just didn't know what you were talking about. Re-read your comments with the knowledge that I have about you, nothing. It leaves more questions than answers, I'm sure you will agree.

I will try to search.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

I wasn't being indignant, just didn't know what you were talking about. Re-read your comments with the knowledge that I have about you, nothing. It leaves more questions than answers, I'm sure you will agree.

I will try to search.

Not you, others here, jumping to conclusions.

Are you really that interested? Not that big a deal. . .