Discipline For Children

[maturebrit]

I have a real issue with Thai discipline with children...

my wife was listening to my 5 yr old son throwing a tantrum because he refused to go to school... I said put him in his bedroom and tell him to read his school books...She looked at me like I was a kind of monster..

later that morning her brother took my son out shopping and I went ballistic... I said you reward a child for achievement not for refusing to attend school...easy to see how face is lost so easy later in life...

I have since banned her brother from coming to our house unless he abides by my rules

Sent from my GT-N7000 using Thaivisa Connect App

[noob7]

Can I call you Don Quixote of La Mancha? eh, of la Thailande?

Edited January 3, 2013 by noob7

[craigt3365]

Let's try this over in the family forum.

Topic Moved.

[billd766]

When my son first started to go to kindergarten he used to throw some big tantrums and I would drag him into the classroom and leave him with the teacher. Picking him up in the aftenoon he was a different child. Now he is up before 6 every school morning washed , dressed and fed and ready to catch the school bus to take him 65 km each way to school.

He loves going to school.

He is now 8 and I have never needed to smack him yet and since the early days neither has my wife.

Edited January 3, 2013 by billd766

[maturebrit]

When my son first started to go to kindergarten he used to throw some big tantrums and I would drag him into the classroom and leave him with the teacher. Picking him up in the aftenoon he was a different child. Now he is up before 6 every school morning washed , dressed and fed and ready to catch the school bus to take him 65 km each way to school.

He loves going to school.

He is now 8 and I have never needed to smack him yet and since the early days neither has my wife.

excellent.... I will not smack my son... one look and he knows....

Sent from my GT-N7000 using Thaivisa Connect App

[maturebrit]

Can I call you Don Quixote of La Mancha? eh, of la Thailande?

of course you can...maybe having had a Rgt Sgt Major for a Dad was a good start in life although I was never smacked but if Dad said jump....you did and dam_n quick...something about an RSM voice I expect

Sent from my GT-N7000 using Thaivisa Connect App

[noob7]

Can I call you Don Quixote of La Mancha? eh, of la Thailande?

of course you can...maybe having had a Rgt Sgt Major for a Dad was a good start in life although I was never smacked but if Dad said jump....you did and dam_n quick...something about an RSM voice I expect

Sent from my GT-N7000 using Thaivisa Connect App

RSM voice?

How good is that working for you, in a tonal language like Thai?

Let me guess, Don Quixote:

"She looked at me like I was a kind of monster"

Good luck!

[BEVUP]

Goodday OP

Sounds like your in a village & the lads throwing tantrams like mine ( but mine throws them for everything else )

The only problem in the morning is getting him up,so hes getting dressed whilst half asleep (But nearly in tears as he nearly missed the bus )

But as you mentioned getting the stare of death whilst trying to disiplen him ican understand ( even raising your voice & they still comment )

Like yu said about brother They just dont get it in this society

Even when I say to wife the sons MAI DEE (need to find word for NAUGHTY ) , I found he just came out of MIL saying hes DEE

Blatant reverse sycology to my teaching

[SteeleJoe]

Don Quixote? Thai society doesn't get it?

I often or even usually differ in my approach to child rearing fromThais, that's true. But I don't agree for a second that it's impossible or even all that difficult to raise your child the way you want to -- I assume having a spouse that is generally on the same sheet as you, being clearly established (especially in the eyes of the in laws, but your spouse and children as well) as the head of your household, and being consistent are all prerequisites - at least I assume those are the things that have prevented me from having any more difficulty than I presumably would in my home country (which, I'm fortunate enough to say, is quite little indeed: so far).

Sent from my iPad using ThaiVisa ap

[TommoPhysicist]

I pay my kids to go to school.

20bht/day for junior

40bht/day for high-school

It's the only money they get, school holidays, off sick, no money, they have to go out and earn if they want money.

Mine are all pretty keen to attend school.

[loong]

What I see with many parents is sporadic discipline.

They will allow their children to push the boundaries until they snap and out comes the stick or coat hanger. Either no discipline or extremes

My stepdaughter has known me as her Father since she was 18 months old, now 7 years old.

I don't ever have to smack her, just a stern voice is enough and it is very rarely that I have to use the stern voice.

[David48]

I'm learning the intricacies of this while I watch the gf's 4 nieces and nephews and the gf's Aunts grandson go to school.

Boys are treated differently to girls ... they seem to allowed to get away with more.

When the gf's Aunts grandson had a 'headache' and couldn't go to school ... but arrived at the Farmhouse not 30 mins after Aunt had left the house (kid left in care of seriously senile grandmother) and rides his bike, which is borrowed from the Farm ... after a small consultation with the gf ... borrowed bike was made unavailable for the day ... kid happy to go to school the next day.

Have to say though ... apart from sleepy heads in the morning and having to dress and feed the youngest ... on the whole ... the Farm kids are OK ...

Indeed they're doing their homework without parental supervision as I type ... ... older ones helping the younger ones.

.

Edited January 3, 2013 by David48

[SteeleJoe]

What I see with many parents is sporadic discipline.

They will allow their children to push the boundaries until they snap and out comes the stick or coat hanger. Either no discipline or extremes.

Yep. And that was the single issue I had to sort out with my wife -- our eldest was incredibly easy, his younger sister somewhat less so. Some of our friends and relatives attribute that to the fact that with the boy ( because I was hardly working and most of that at home) I was the primary caregiver but with my daughter I am now working outside 60 hours a week. In fact, I know that it is a matter of very different temperaments between the two kids - but I am generally better at getting her little highness to mind.

My point? Seem to be losing sight of it...oh, because it was how she was raised my wife agrees with my theory about how to raise the kids and sees that it seems to work but she sometime struggles with the application and has to resist her tendency to let things slide until she blows - but she does resist (by nature she's a calm and gentle person) and when she can't, she cedes control to me.

I don't EVER hit or threaten to and only rarely raise my voice - I'll listen to grievances or explanations but will tolerate NO whining or rudeness. I'm very affectionate and attentive but do not hesitate to be VERY stern...not saying Im perfect or my way is the best or only way. But I am saying I do it my way regardless of the country we are in.

Sent from my iPad using ThaiVisa ap

[GarryP]

Many, many years ago when my son was but a nipper (about 3 or 4 years old), he threw two major tantrums. One was at home (the reason I do not recall) and he was picked up, taken to the bathroom and had the shower turned on over him. The other time it was in a department store and he wanted my wife and I to buy him some toy cars. He ended up on his back screaming and kicking to get his way. We both just walked away and left him. Perhaps, not "Parenting 101" and perhaps not sensitive to others (the dept. store incident), but that was the last of it. He learned that tantrums do not work. Luckily, my wife and I saw eye to eye on discipline.

[I Like Thai]

I have a real issue with Thai discipline with children...

my wife was listening to my 5 yr old son throwing a tantrum because he refused to go to school... I said put him in his bedroom and tell him to read his school books...She looked at me like I was a kind of monster..

later that morning her brother took my son out shopping and I went ballistic... I said you reward a child for achievement not for refusing to attend school...easy to see how face is lost so easy later in life...

I have since banned her brother from coming to our house unless he abides by my rules

Have you ever considered getting involved in your sons life directly, rather than just telling other people what they should and shouldn't do.

[I Like Thai]

Many, many years ago when my son was but a nipper (about 3 or 4 years old), he threw two major tantrums. One was at home (the reason I do not recall) and he was picked up, taken to the bathroom and had the shower turned on over him. The other time it was in a department store and he wanted my wife and I to buy him some toy cars. He ended up on his back screaming and kicking to get his way. We both just walked away and left him. Perhaps, not "Parenting 101" and perhaps not sensitive to others (the dept. store incident), but that was the last of it. He learned that tantrums do not work. Luckily, my wife and I saw eye to eye on discipline.

Something like this

[SteeleJoe]

I have a real issue with Thai discipline with children...

my wife was listening to my 5 yr old son throwing a tantrum because he refused to go to school... I said put him in his bedroom and tell him to read his school books...She looked at me like I was a kind of monster..

later that morning her brother took my son out shopping and I went ballistic... I said you reward a child for achievement not for refusing to attend school...easy to see how face is lost so easy later in life...

I have since banned her brother from coming to our house unless he abides by my rules

Have you ever considered getting involved in your sons life directly, rather than just telling other people what they should and shouldn't do.

dam_n. Well spotted and while maybe a bit critical and presumptuous, I reckon very astute.

All that blather from me and you saw the precise difference from what I (and no doubt others) am doing and summed up the possible problem wit h one sentence...

Sent from my iPad using ThaiVisa ap

[noob7]

Many, many years ago when my son was but a nipper (about 3 or 4 years old), he threw two major tantrums. One was at home (the reason I do not recall) and he was picked up, taken to the bathroom and had the shower turned on over him. The other time it was in a department store and he wanted my wife and I to buy him some toy cars. He ended up on his back screaming and kicking to get his way. We both just walked away and left him. Perhaps, not "Parenting 101" and perhaps not sensitive to others (the dept. store incident), but that was the last of it. He learned that tantrums do not work. Luckily, my wife and I saw eye to eye on discipline.

Ever thought about, why most cats are whining so much, in case, they want some hugging?

They imitate, what they see, works best 'in the feeder family'!

(my theory, cause it seems to me, that I've never been somewhere, where kids are more whining about everything. And getting it almost every time, this way)

Edited January 3, 2013 by noob7

[krisb]

I just keep reading and learning.

My times a comin!

[MrRealDeal]

If your 5 year old son is throwing tantrums about school it's not everyone elses fault it's yours as well. The question isn't what has everyone else done wrong for 5 years ...... the question is what have you been doing wrong all that time.

The first thing you did wrong in this story was not send him to school ..... it would have avoided all the rest of the problems after that.

Your 5 year old manipulated YOU.

I fail to see how a father being maipulated by his son due to his lack of fatherly parenting skills is a Thai discipline problem ....... It's YOUR fault and YOUR problem that you created.

Your 5 year old basicly tells you he is not going to school and you point fingers at everyone else ...... maybe thats the crux of the problem ....... ya think ?

Edited January 3, 2013 by MrRealDeal

[SteeleJoe]

If your 5 year old son is throwing tantrums about school it's not everyone elses fault it's yours as well. The question isn't what has everyone else done wrong for 5 years ...... the question is what have you been doing wrong all that time.

The first thing you did wrong in this story was not send him to school ..... it would have avoided all the rest of the problems after that.

Your 5 year old manipulated YOU.

I fail to see how a father being maipulated by his son due to his lack of fatherly parenting skills is a Thai discipline problem ....... It's YOUR fault and YOUR problem that you created.

Your 5 year old basicly tells you he is not going to school and you point fingers at everyone else ...... maybe thats the crux of the problem ....... ya think ?

Holy smokes, I misread the OP and didn't even realize until I saw your post and went back to read it...

The OP complains that his son was rewarded by the brother in law for not going to school...in fact the boy's father rewarded him for throwing a tantrum: the kid proved (not for the first or last time, I suspect) that throwing a tantrum works.

Sent from my iPad using ThaiVisa ap

[bobo42]

If your 5 year old son is throwing tantrums about school it's not everyone elses fault it's yours as well. The question isn't what has everyone else done wrong for 5 years ...... the question is what have you been doing wrong all that time.

The first thing you did wrong in this story was not send him to school ..... it would have avoided all the rest of the problems after that.

Your 5 year old manipulated YOU.

I fail to see how a father being maipulated by his son due to his lack of fatherly parenting skills is a Thai discipline problem ....... It's YOUR fault and YOUR problem that you created.

Your 5 year old basicly tells you he is not going to school and you point fingers at everyone else ...... maybe thats the crux of the problem ....... ya think ?

Holy smokes, I misread the OP and didn't even realize until I saw your post and went back to read it...

The OP complains that his son was rewarded by the brother in law for not going to school...in fact the boy's father rewarded him for throwing a tantrum: the kid proved (not for the first or last time, I suspect) that throwing a tantrum works.

Sent from my iPad using ThaiVisa ap

Maybe you guys are vilifying OP a little prematurely. The particular story was not really explicitly spelled out. It may have been that he was trying to correct an action taken by the kid's mother when he wasn't present - at least that's how I took it. If mom already let him get away with it, then "go to your room and hit the books" sounds like a pretty fair punishment while you sort things out. So I'm not going to say that OP let his kid rule him, but it seems obvious that OP and mom do not see eye-to-eye on discipline.

[SteeleJoe]

If your 5 year old son is throwing tantrums about school it's not everyone elses fault it's yours as well. The question isn't what has everyone else done wrong for 5 years ...... the question is what have you been doing wrong all that time.

The first thing you did wrong in this story was not send him to school ..... it would have avoided all the rest of the problems after that.

Your 5 year old manipulated YOU.

I fail to see how a father being maipulated by his son due to his lack of fatherly parenting skills is a Thai discipline problem ....... It's YOUR fault and YOUR problem that you created.

Your 5 year old basicly tells you he is not going to school and you point fingers at everyone else ...... maybe thats the crux of the problem ....... ya think ?

Holy smokes, I misread the OP and didn't even realize until I saw your post and went back to read it...

The OP complains that his son was rewarded by the brother in law for not going to school...in fact the boy's father rewarded him for throwing a tantrum: the kid proved (not for the first or last time, I suspect) that throwing a tantrum works.

Sent from my iPad using ThaiVisa ap

Maybe you guys are vilifying OP a little prematurely. The particular story was not really explicitly spelled out. It may have been that he was trying to correct an action taken by the kid's mother when he wasn't present - at least that's how I took it. If mom already let him get away with it, then "go to your room and hit the books" sounds like a pretty fair punishment while you sort things out. So I'm not going to say that OP let his kid rule him, but it seems obvious that OP and mom do not see eye-to-eye on discipline.

Quality post. I applaud your balance and understanding. And for all we know, you are right and I have been too presumptuous and judgmental.

However, I just read the OP again and to me it is written as if he was there when the tantrum happened and he acquiesced to the son staying home albeit with the restriction to his room with his books (which doesn't mean the boy spends 6 hours studying - or even 1 hour).

Sent from my iPad using ThaiVisa ap

Edited January 3, 2013 by SteeleJoe

[MrRealDeal]

The main point I was trying to make is that the child is 5 years old , so this behavior is nothing new and not the first time , so their has been a number of years of inadequate parenting already or it would have been solved already.

I don't mean to vilify the OP .... just trying to make him understand that when you have a 5 year old getting his way with temper tantrums the problem is more his creation than he seems to recognise and pointing fingers at everyone else is not going to change the problem.

The specific story is not the problem , the problem is the child has been manipulating his parent\s with temper tantrums for a long time now.

The first reward he received was not going shopping ....... the first reward he got for his bad behavior was his father allowing him to get what he wanted and stay home from school

Edited January 3, 2013 by MrRealDeal

[FritsSikkink]

son throwing a tantrum

I went ballistic

Children copy your behavior.

[MrRealDeal]

Well thankx to me perhaps the sympathy for your situation seems to be waning ....... sorry about that , but let me try and help you solve it.

You are going to have to ignore the temper and make your child do as you want , it will get worse for a little but then go away.

You have to be 100 percent consistant and simply stiop responding to his manipulations ALL of them ALL the time.

Take control and ignore what your wife or brother or anyone else has to say and just begin to let him know he is 5 now and it's time to act 5 not act 3

Do it in a positive way , calm and understanding when everything is fine , sit him down and explain to him that he is a little older now and part of growing up as unfortunate as it might be is listening and not arguing with your dad.

He will test you of course but just remind him he is a big boy now , do something to prove it like buy him a bigger man hamburger or perhaps let him stay up a half hour longer at night , something to show him that as he gets older he gets a few benefits along with the added responsibilitys of behaving differently. It's not a bribe to pay him off it's showing him that as you act more responsible and get older many things change , some for the good and some not.

If you approach it in a way that makes him feel a little more special than before ...... growing up is special ..... it will be much easier for both of you

[I Like Thai]

This might sound a bit comical, but watch these programmes "Nanny 911" they give very good advice that can help parents with discipline. It's not just about the children and parents in the programme. The issues are repeated across many families. One thing that is shown in the programmes is that it is usually down to frustrated parents, who simply don't know what to do with children.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oaqFHT8oOBo&playnext=1&list=PLE03F13FE561BD9B8&feature=results_video

[BEVUP]

If your 5 year old son is throwing tantrums about school it's not everyone elses fault it's yours as well. The question isn't what has everyone else done wrong for 5 years ...... the question is what have you been doing wrong all that time.

The first thing you did wrong in this story was not send him to school ..... it would have avoided all the rest of the problems after that.

Your 5 year old manipulated YOU.

I fail to see how a father being maipulated by his son due to his lack of fatherly parenting skills is a Thai discipline problem ....... It's YOUR fault and YOUR problem that you created.

Your 5 year old basicly tells you he is not going to school and you point fingers at everyone else ...... maybe thats the crux of the problem ....... ya think ?

Holy smokes, I misread the OP and didn't even realize until I saw your post and went back to read it...

The OP complains that his son was rewarded by the brother in law for not going to school...in fact the boy's father rewarded him for throwing a tantrum: the kid proved (not for the first or last time, I suspect) that throwing a tantrum works.

Sent from my iPad using ThaiVisa ap

Maybe you guys are vilifying OP a little prematurely. The particular story was not really explicitly spelled out. It may have been that he was trying to correct an action taken by the kid's mother when he wasn't present - at least that's how I took it. If mom already let him get away with it, then "go to your room and hit the books" sounds like a pretty fair punishment while you sort things out. So I'm not going to say that OP let his kid rule him, but it seems obvious that OP and mom do not see eye-to-eye on discipline.

Good one

Parenting isnt easy & theres many different situations in this braod country especially with the wide variatins of Thai families

[billd766]

A long time ago when my first son in the Uk was about 3 or 4 we were shopping in a small shop for some things.

When we got to the check out my son put sweets in the basket, I tooooook them out, he put them back, 3 times in all.

On the 3 rd time I smacked his hand and he started crying and the woman in front of me siad that I shouldn't hit him and give him the sweets.

I explained as nicely as I could with a crying boy in my arms that

1 he had no money

2 he had no job

3 I wasn't going to pay for them

4 If he took them it would be stealing

5 If she wanted to pay for them she could and then take them home to her kids

6 If she didn't like to stick it where the sun doesn't shine

She went off in huff muttering to herself (nosy old cow) and the till assistant said that she wished more people were like me.

I think my wife was trying to hide behind the shopping trolley.

Edited January 4, 2013 by billd766

[noob7]

This might sound a bit comical, but watch these programmes "Nanny 911" they give very good advice that can help parents with discipline. It's not just about the children and parents in the programme. The issues are repeated across many families. One thing that is shown in the programmes is that it is usually down to frustrated parents, who simply don't know what to do with children.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oaqFHT8oOBo&playnext=1&list=PLE03F13FE561BD9B8&feature=results_video

Will not work, both parent have to stand behind! I don't see that here.