One For The Recent Expat Arrivals Into Bkk

[ScotsExpat]

Is it just me or has anyone else noticed the practice quite prevalent amongst the more 'settled' expats here of onedownmanship?

They appear to revel in their own misery, regaling you with stories of how they were screwed out of houses and other material goods, the wifes kin bleeding them dry,etc...

..and never learning from their own mistakes, hitching up with another bar-girl who, this time, will change her spots...

Never, in the many parts of the world I have worked, have I met a more sorry bunch of excuses than here.. Guys who are too petrified of admitting to those that are nearest to them that they have made a mistake and return home, they would far rather hang on to the supposed last vestiges of their pride and remain in a place that has continuously proven to them that they are just not cut out for expat life...

[Psych01]

Lets see how long it takes people to start bad mouthing.

[ScotsExpat]

Lets see how long it takes people to start bad mouthing.

I am not intentionally baiting anyone...

I have met characters just as I describe, and would guess that there are members on TV that match the kind of description, but that is why the post was aimed at new arrivals..

First impressions matter and I have started to notice a trend...

[Psych01]

Lets see how long it takes people to start bad mouthing.

I am not intentionally baiting anyone...

I have met characters just as I describe, and would guess that there are members on TV that match the kind of description, but that is why the post was aimed at new arrivals..

First impressions matter and I have started to notice a trend...

I am not saying you are intentionally baiting anyone just, that I have seen in the past, people put up their observations and others condemn them for it.

[ScotsExpat]

I am not saying you are intentionally baiting anyone just, that I have seen in the past, people put up their observations and others condemn them for it.

Ahh, people that mistake discussion with debate....

Yep, I have noticed a few posters appear to suffer from that particular propensity....

[transam]

I am not saying you are intentionally baiting anyone just, that I have seen in the past, people put up their observations and others condemn them for it.

Ahh, people that mistake discussion with debate....

Yep, I have noticed a few posters appear to suffer from that particular propensity....

You leave me out of it .............................................

[ScotsExpat]

You leave me out of it .............................................

I don't name and shame.....

[HardenedSoul]

One or two posters may be willing to admit that they've been hosed by wives/GFs and/or their families but for the most part I think they'll all paint themselves as clued-up, wise-to-the-ways-of-women Lotharios who can spot a gold-digger miles away despite a string of failed marriages and associations both here and at home.

There'll be plenty who'll swear that "one way or another, you're paying for it, mate" in a vain bid to disguise their sheer ineptitude with women.

There are plenty of guys here who simply can't bear to be alone. I've seen and heard of guys who, having just arrived, move a girl into their apartments inside a week and then proceed to strut up and down Sukhumvit hand in hand with her, chest puffed out. When the satang drops, these are the jokers who'll tell you that replacements are simple to come by while failing to mention they'll be paying her a monthly stipend.

Don't get me wrong - if paying is the only way a man can secure the company and attentions of a woman then fine - but it is laughable if they dress it up as a relationship based on mutual attraction and shared values.

[TommoPhysicist]

There'll be plenty who'll swear that "one way or another, you're paying for it, mate" in a vain bid to disguise their sheer ineptitude with women.

..............

Don't get me wrong - if paying is the only way a man can secure the company and attentions of a woman then fine - but it is laughable if they dress it up as a relationship based on mutual attraction and shared values.

I am old, I am inept, I do pay for it ...... why not? I can afford it.

Who are these TV members that 'dress it up'? I've not noticed them.

[HardenedSoul]

There'll be plenty who'll swear that "one way or another, you're paying for it, mate" in a vain bid to disguise their sheer ineptitude with women.

..............

Don't get me wrong - if paying is the only way a man can secure the company and attentions of a woman then fine - but it is laughable if they dress it up as a relationship based on mutual attraction and shared values.

I am old, I am inept, I do pay for it ...... why not? I can afford it.

Who are these TV members that 'dress it up'? I've not noticed them.

As I said,

Don't get me wrong - if paying is the only way a man can secure the company and attentions of a woman then fine . . .

It's an indication of just how little mind I pay some of the more deluded TV members that I don't bother to remember their names but, if you insist, I can always trawl through a couple of threads and get back to you.

But, of course, you could do that yourself.

[transam]

There'll be plenty who'll swear that "one way or another, you're paying for it, mate" in a vain bid to disguise their sheer ineptitude with women.

..............

Don't get me wrong - if paying is the only way a man can secure the company and attentions of a woman then fine - but it is laughable if they dress it up as a relationship based on mutual attraction and shared values.

I am old, I am inept, I do pay for it ...... why not? I can afford it.

Who are these TV members that 'dress it up'? I've not noticed them.

As I said,

Don't get me wrong - if paying is the only way a man can secure the company and attentions of a woman then fine . . .

It's an indication of just how little mind I pay some of the more deluded TV members that I don't bother to remember their names but, if you insist, I can always trawl through a couple of threads and get back to you.

But, of course, you could do that yourself.

Look forward to your Trawl results. ....................

[kblaze]

Regarding your initial question;

It may indeed be just you.

Ive met degenerates everywhere. Shoot I may be one myself in some regards. Maybe we all are?

Pray tell, where are you meeting these downtrodden souls and hearing these stories?

I for one love to hear stories of loserdom as it reinforces confidence in my current state of affairs while at the same time offering a bit of a warning of the dangers that could lie ahead.

I wish I had around 4-5 curmudgeonly, "been around the block", old foreigners on speed-dial during my first year in Thailand. I probably would have made better decisions while at the same time giving them a sense of purpose.

[whybother]

I usually find that it's the newbies that have been "screwed out of houses and other material goods, the wifes kin bleeding them dry,etc".

I have been here for 6 years, and have a number of friends that have been here as long or longer and none of them have been "screwed out of houses and other material goods, the wifes kin bleeding them dry,etc".

[HardenedSoul]

I for one love to hear stories of loserdom as it reinforces confidence in my current state of affairs while at the same time offering a bit of a warning of the dangers that could lie ahead.

Well if one needs that type of affirmation, fair enough. Others don't measure themselves by the failure or status of others

I wish I had around 4-5 curmudgeonly, "been around the block", old foreigners on speed-dial during my first year in Thailand. I probably would have made better decisions while at the same time giving them a sense of purpose.

Alternatively, one could just use common sense.

[TommoPhysicist]

I usually find that it's the newbies that have been "screwed out of houses and other material goods, the wifes kin bleeding them dry,etc".

I have been here for 6 years, and have a number of friends that have been here as long or longer and none of them have been "screwed out of houses and other material goods, the wifes kin bleeding them dry,etc".

I have a number of German, Swedish, American and Canadian friends that have lost houses or a business to a lady.

Not to mention a retired doctor that lost three houses in one go and a French man who lost 20MBht in farm land plus a house and two tractors.

Many of them have been here 10 years, several speak Thai really well, but only a couple lost all.

Edited January 3, 2013 by TommoPhysicist

[chiang mai]

I usually find that it's the newbies that have been "screwed out of houses and other material goods, the wifes kin bleeding them dry,etc".

I have been here for 6 years, and have a number of friends that have been here as long or longer and none of them have been "screwed out of houses and other material goods, the wifes kin bleeding them dry,etc".

I have a number of German, Swedish, American and Canadian friends that have lost houses or a business to a lady.

Not to mention a retired doctor that lost three houses in one go and a French man who lost 20MBht in farm land plus a house and two tractors.

Many of them have been here 10 years, several speak Thai really well, but only a couple lost all.

What's the lady's name may I ask, sounds like she's running a great business?

Seriously Tommo, if what you've written here is even a little bit true, all I can say is that you move in the wrong circles.

[TommoPhysicist]

What's the lady's name may I ask, sounds like she's running a great business?

Seriously Tommo, if what you've written here is even a little bit true, all I can say is that you move in the wrong circles.

Not the same lady, but all in the same city (Chiang Mai).

If you regularly visit the bars and restaurants around town, you will know these guys, and some of the ladies.

Currently two people in the process of losing their stuff (land and business), both guys live in Hang Dong.

Edited January 3, 2013 by TommoPhysicist

[chiang mai]

What's the lady's name may I ask, sounds like she's running a great business?

Seriously Tommo, if what you've written here is even a little bit true, all I can say is that you move in the wrong circles.

Not the same lady, but all in the same city (Chiang Mai).

If you regularly visit the bars and restaurants around town, you will know these guys, and some of the ladies.

Currently two people in the process of losing their stuff (land and business), both guys live in Hang Dong.

I don't do the bar thing so I never get to see these guys, but counting the days when I did plus my time since, ten years in all, I only ever knew one guy who divorced from Thai female and he came out of it better than OK, the guys you talk about that loose everything, they're doing something very wrong in the area of common sence.

[robblok]

What's the lady's name may I ask, sounds like she's running a great business?

Seriously Tommo, if what you've written here is even a little bit true, all I can say is that you move in the wrong circles.

Not the same lady, but all in the same city (Chiang Mai).

If you regularly visit the bars and restaurants around town, you will know these guys, and some of the ladies.

Currently two people in the process of losing their stuff (land and business), both guys live in Hang Dong.

I don't do the bar thing so I never get to see these guys, but counting the days when I did plus my time since, ten years in all, I only ever knew one guy who divorced from Thai female and he came out of it better than OK, the guys you talk about that loose everything, they're doing something very wrong in the area of common sence.

Common sense goes out of the window the moment some guys get flattered by a pretty face half their age. You can still have that girl as long as you know you pay for it and shield the rest of your possessions. If you fool yourself into thinking she would not rather have the money but not you.... then often your in for a rude awakening. (not aimed at you)

[chiang mai]

What's the lady's name may I ask, sounds like she's running a great business?

Seriously Tommo, if what you've written here is even a little bit true, all I can say is that you move in the wrong circles.

Not the same lady, but all in the same city (Chiang Mai).

If you regularly visit the bars and restaurants around town, you will know these guys, and some of the ladies.

Currently two people in the process of losing their stuff (land and business), both guys live in Hang Dong.

I don't do the bar thing so I never get to see these guys, but counting the days when I did plus my time since, ten years in all, I only ever knew one guy who divorced from Thai female and he came out of it better than OK, the guys you talk about that loose everything, they're doing something very wrong in the area of common sence.

Common sense goes out of the window the moment some guys get flattered by a pretty face half their age. You can still have that girl as long as you know you pay for it and shield the rest of your possessions. If you fool yourself into thinking she would not rather have the money but not you.... then often your in for a rude awakening. (not aimed at you)

Yes sure, but frankly, anyone who doesn't take sensible legal precautions in a place like Thailand deserves what he gets, natural selection springs to mind.

[BookMan]

Yes sure, but frankly, anyone who doesn't take sensible legal precautions in a place like Thailand deserves what he gets, natural selection springs to mind.

I agree about taking precautions

However I don't know if i would say 'deserves what he gets'. Some guys put their trust in their partner and are stung by it. That doesn't mean they deserve to get ripped off for being trusting in a relationship.

[chiang mai]

Yes sure, but frankly, anyone who doesn't take sensible legal precautions in a place like Thailand deserves what he gets, natural selection springs to mind.

I agree about taking precautions

However I don't know if i would say 'deserves what he gets'. Some guys put their trust in their partner and are stung by it. That doesn't mean they deserve to get ripped off for being trusting in a relationship.

We live in times where pre-nuptual aggreements are de rigour, makes the word trust seem a bit like a cute Victorian concept. I don't know, the sensible legal precautions bit is like carrying an umbrella on a fine day, who knows, it might just rain.

Edited January 3, 2013 by chiang mai

[robblok]

Yes sure, but frankly, anyone who doesn't take sensible legal precautions in a place like Thailand deserves what he gets, natural selection springs to mind.

I agree about taking precautions

However I don't know if i would say 'deserves what he gets'. Some guys put their trust in their partner and are stung by it. That doesn't mean they deserve to get ripped off for being trusting in a relationship.

We live in times where pre-nuptual aggreements are de rigour, makes the word trust seem a bit like a cute Victorian concept. I don't know, the sensible legal precautions bit is like carrying an umbrella on a fine day, who knows, it might just rain.

It saved me back in holland from a gold digger. (Thai)

Sent from my GT-I9300 using Thaivisa Connect App

[TommoPhysicist]

We live in times where pre-nuptual aggreements are de rigour, makes the word trust seem a bit like a cute Victorian concept. I don't know, the sensible legal precautions bit is like carrying an umbrella on a fine day, who knows, it might just rain.

Pre-nup not much use for guys buying a house or land in her name then signing a form to say none of their money was used and they will have no claim on it. I'm pretty sure that document signed at the land office will trump any pre-nup.

Edited January 3, 2013 by TommoPhysicist

[HardenedSoul]

We live in times where pre-nuptual aggreements are de rigour, makes the word trust seem a bit like a cute Victorian concept. I don't know, the sensible legal precautions bit is like carrying an umbrella on a fine day, who knows, it might just rain.

Pre-nup not much use for guys buying a house or land in her name then signing a form to say none of their money was used and they will have no claim on it. I'm pretty sure that document signed at the land office will trump any pre-nup.

Never ceases to amaze me that there actually guys out there stupid enough to do this kind of thing.

[robblok]

We live in times where pre-nuptual aggreements are de rigour, makes the word trust seem a bit like a cute Victorian concept. I don't know, the sensible legal precautions bit is like carrying an umbrella on a fine day, who knows, it might just rain.

Pre-nup not much use for guys buying a house or land in her name then signing a form to say none of their money was used and they will have no claim on it. I'm pretty sure that document signed at the land office will trump any pre-nup.

Never ceases to amaze me that there actually guys out there stupid enough to do this kind of thing.

Same here, you put yourself at a disadvantage. Here we are living in a house that is mortgaged on her name. We both pay, and i probably loose if it goes sour but i view it as renting. Plus at least you can change it a bit to your liking. But i never see it as part of my money.

[MrRealDeal]

You obviously attract the wrong kinds of people as aquaintences or friends , the question is not whats wrong with all the other losers out there the question is why do you find yourself in their company ? I don't

[chiang mai]

We live in times where pre-nuptual aggreements are de rigour, makes the word trust seem a bit like a cute Victorian concept. I don't know, the sensible legal precautions bit is like carrying an umbrella on a fine day, who knows, it might just rain.

Pre-nup not much use for guys buying a house or land in her name then signing a form to say none of their money was used and they will have no claim on it. I'm pretty sure that document signed at the land office will trump any pre-nup.

I'm not suggesting that folks should rely on pre-nups in Thailand, I'm merely using the pre-nup concept as an indicator as to where we are in the trust process when it comes to relationships.

As for the other part about buying a house for the wife et al, barking, absolutely barking. I reckon if guys are going to do that then they should be forced to sign a second form stating they wont whinge afterwards or tell porkies about it either - actually, I reckon that's what it really is, there's so many porkies on this subject out there that we could supply a butchers shop for a year, it's a bit like a badge of courage in some quarters when the lads get together at the bar and swap stories about who lost the most and had the most terrible things happen to them in Thailand!

[cgphuket]

You forgot that in spite of their horror stories and failures, they insist on telling you how to do it...

[MrRealDeal]

We live in times where pre-nuptual aggreements are de rigour, makes the word trust seem a bit like a cute Victorian concept. I don't know, the sensible legal precautions bit is like carrying an umbrella on a fine day, who knows, it might just rain.

Pre-nup not much use for guys buying a house or land in her name then signing a form to say none of their money was used and they will have no claim on it. I'm pretty sure that document signed at the land office will trump any pre-nup.

I'm not suggesting that folks should rely on pre-nups in Thailand, I'm merely using the pre-nup concept as an indicator as to where we are in the trust process when it comes to relationships.

As for the other part about buying a house for the wife et al, barking, absolutely barking. I reckon if guys are going to do that then they should be forced to sign a second form stating they wont whinge afterwards or tell porkies about it either - actually, I reckon that's what it really is, there's so many porkies on this subject out there that we could supply a butchers shop for a year, it's a bit like a badge of courage in some quarters when the lads get together at the bar and swap stories about who lost the most and had the most terrible things happen to them in Thailand!

And if those are the kinds of people that people like the OP hang out with ....... they should stop complaining about it. Either hang out with better people or stop whining that the low class places and people you hang out with are low class. PS ...... if you hang out at low class places a lot you are no different than the other people that hang out there.