Our Progress In Our Sober Runs

[ExpatJ]

Jemjem- always remember that alcoholism is a disease and like any other disease some people are prone to hypocondria i.e. they think/worry they are alcoholics when in fact they are not.

[GrahamF]

Hey, folks. My sober run ended at day 77. This was about 4 weeks ago. Since then, I have had 3 more times of going out and getting drunk, plus 2 times of moderate drinking. Yes, sadly, overall in that 4-week period, that's a lot more drinking than I had hoped for.

However, another longish run starts for me (well, it started 2 days ago actually). I plan not to drink at all till May 4 (I have a ticket to a dance music event that day) and I am confident I will succeed. My aim for now is to REDUCE my overall alcohol intake and I think I have done reasonably well since late last year (but as I wrote above, this last 4-week period was not good, as I overdid the drinking).

If I can keep having occasional longish sober runs (let's say 15-60 day runs) and occasional 'only-moderate-drinking sessions', and some rare drunk times , I will consider myself quite successful and content. I know some of you might think this would not be a success but oh well, what can I say. I think I can always improve, bit by bit, anyway. And, one day, I might decide to totally quit drinking.

I think the advice from others concerning figuring out what the causes and conditions of your drinking is very sound. You've succeeded in reducing your drinking and if you can figure out why you drink you might be able to keep it going. Once again, I am going to warn you when some people start drinking again their drinking ramps up over time. It happened to me and others I know.

Please let us know how you're doing and good luck!

[GrahamF]

Jemjem- always remember that alcoholism is a disease and like any other disease some people are prone to hypocondria i.e. they think/worry they are alcoholics when in fact they are not.

I'm going to reiterate what gerry said previously about only you can determine if you are an alcoholic or not. There are times when a person will receive advice about their drinking and some of it is well intended and some of it is not.

Here are a few things to keep in mind:

1) Alcoholics/problem drinkers are apt to grasp at anything that will help them convince themselves that they don't have a problem. I have done it and seen others do it.

2) Sometimes the advice will come from someone who doesn't have a drinking problem and to be honest they just don't get it and they don't understand why we just can't put a drink down or why we can't leave a bottle 3/4 full and just walk away. They can walk away and in their minds we should be able to as well.

3) Sometimes the advice will come from an active problem drinker/alcoholic. Very often they will try to convince another person that they don't have a problem as they are trying to really convince themselves that they don't have a problem. It can also be as simple as they don't want to lose a drinking buddy.

4) The advice may come from someone who has in fact stopped drinking in some way or another, and they are sure that their method of getting sober is the only way to get sober. AA has been working for me, but I recognize that it has not or will not work for others, different strokes for different folks. I liken the person who only believes in one way of getting sober to the person who may have had a mole removed and now wanders around the cancer ward telling people with pancreatic cancer that all they really need is to have a little surgery and to forget the radiation/chemo therapy and that they'll be fine.

[naboo]

I am achieving my aim of 4 alcohol free evenings a week.

On the nights I do drink I am not drinking as much as I would have previously.

The money saved is going on day trips with the wife and new baby daughter which I am really enjoying. This is the real incentive. I hope it continues.

[GrahamF]

I am achieving my aim of 4 alcohol free evenings a week.

On the nights I do drink I am not drinking as much as I would have previously.

The money saved is going on day trips with the wife and new baby daughter which I am really enjoying. This is the real incentive. I hope it continues.

Great to hear!

Do you feel better physically and/or mentally as well?

Congrats!

[JemJem]

Well, folks, I have failed badly, regarding what I wrote above in my previous post in this thread. I even had to miss the dance music event yesterday (and thus wasted around 60 US dollars; there was no refund on the ticket) because I was in no shape to go, as I stupidly drank a lot, 2 days before then. And, before that binge, I had had another heavy-drinking binge a few days earlier.

I have said 'Enough is enough'. I have decided not to drink AT ALL, indefinitely. I want to keep the run going as long as possible. If you remember from this thread, in recent months, I achieved a sober run of 77 days , so, I guess I should feel confident of achieving a run AT LEAST similar to that.

Ok, now, this is sober day no. 2 for me.

Dear others, please post your experiences too.

[Jessi]

Gone quiet again guys, would be interesting as Jemjem said to plot your progress, even if you return to drinking, would be interesting to hear the reasoning. On another note, there have recent reports of injury/assaut to foreigners, many of them incapacitated, or at some stage in the proceedings judgement impaired by alcohol, another good reason to stay in control of your drinking, especially in a foreign country.

I would hazard a guess that a lot of mishaps, injuries, etc, etc, to foreigners in Thailand have a drug or alcohol component in them somewhere.

Anyhow, I'd love to hear how everyone is doing out there. I hope all is well.

Im going really good because I admit and accept that I am an Alcoholic and I can not Drink. Simple really.

[Jessi]

Horses for courses I guess........sitting in a room being offered other peoples interpretations of a solution for my problems would more likely drive me to drink.....harsh I know...but I don't see myself as anything special, and I got to where I am on my own refusal to continue letting alcohol rule my life....because I accepted the bottom line is simple....I and I alone make and am responsible for my choices in life.

Sitting in a room full of sober Alcoholics is far better than sitting in a jail cell not knowing why you are there....Yes we all have choices.

[GrahamF]

Well, folks, I have failed badly, regarding what I wrote above in my previous post in this thread. I even had to miss the dance music event yesterday (and thus wasted around 60 US dollars; there was no refund on the ticket) because I was in no shape to go, as I stupidly drank a lot, 2 days before then. And, before that binge, I had had another heavy-drinking binge a few days earlier.

I have said 'Enough is enough'. I have decided not to drink AT ALL, indefinitely. I want to keep the run going as long as possible. If you remember from this thread, in recent months, I achieved a sober run of 77 days , so, I guess I should feel confident of achieving a run AT LEAST similar to that.

Ok, now, this is sober day no. 2 for me.

Dear others, please post your experiences too.

There are those, myself included, who just can't drink moderately. You might be one of those people as well, it sounds like you might be feeling that way??

Now that you've decided to go with abstinence, have you thought about how you are going to do that? Is this the first time that you've thought about stopping drinking indefinitely?

One thing that really helped me was not only admitting that I had a problem with alcohol, but realizing that alcohol was really, at the time, my solution to my real problems. Primarily, I drank to escape from my problems. I didn't deal with them and sadly when I sobered up, once in awhile, they were still there....So I drank some more!!

I had to face why I drank (causes & conditions) and then I had to deal with those problems. I did and do that through AA, working the 12 Steps and making the program part of my life. You may want to try AA or you may not, I do suggest that you try something, maybe therapy, maybe a Buddhist retreat......Whatever you choose to try, I hope that you do it 100%. I don't know if sitting at home and trying to distract yourself with reading, watching tv, or hobbies is going to do it for you this time. I tried that in the past and it worked for awhile, but I ended up drinking again, and it was worse than before.

Keep us updated.

Best of luck!

[gerryBScot]

Well, folks, I have failed badly, regarding what I wrote above in my previous post in this thread. I even had to miss the dance music event yesterday (and thus wasted around 60 US dollars; there was no refund on the ticket) because I was in no shape to go, as I stupidly drank a lot, 2 days before then. And, before that binge, I had had another heavy-drinking binge a few days earlier.

I have said 'Enough is enough'. I have decided not to drink AT ALL, indefinitely. I want to keep the run going as long as possible. If you remember from this thread, in recent months, I achieved a sober run of 77 days , so, I guess I should feel confident of achieving a run AT LEAST similar to that.

Ok, now, this is sober day no. 2 for me.

Dear others, please post your experiences too.

Hey Jemjem thanks for being honest and open about your latest experience. I agree with Graham - you will struggle to do this indefinitely on your own. I was about one month into not drinking when I finally phoned AA. A beautiful summer morning in London, I had just been paid, ( I was suspended from my job) and I thought I would drive down to a riverside pub for a few pints of beer and do the crossword.......... before I left the house I called AA and haven't drunk since. That was in June 2003, almost ten years ago.

I'm an educated, able individual, worked all my life etc - I found plenty of people like me in AA who told their story as if they were telling mine. I marvelled at the folk who had come off skid row and "made it". One of them once said something interesting to me: he said you can bring the park bench into your home! I identified immediately with much of what I heard and I enjoyed the permissive, tolerant and easy atmosphere I discovered at most meetings. People laughed, I sensed happiness and contentment in many people.

AA is by no means perfect and as Graham said it is not for everybody - but it is big, there is probably a meeting not too far away from you, it is free and it is up to you. You can sit in and just listen and in the event someone asks you to speak you can "pass" if you don't want to speak.

Ten years on I was recently at a meeting in Cebu in The Philippines and I heard a guy say that even with 20 years of not drinking under his belt, he needs to keep going to meetings so he can find out what isn't working; he learns this from listening to the tales of the steady trickle of new and old members who get it in their heads that they can drink normally.

It works and is worth checking out.

Beyond that you need to get out of your head as opposed to "off your head" ie drunk. Many of us live in our heads consumed by our thoughts and our worries. That is difficult to do on your own. But find people to talk to and things to do. Forget 77 days, just focus on the day in question. You might find that as you tally the numbers that that puts pressure on you. As our literature says: we drank because we won a war, we drank because we lost a war. Meaning we drink because of achievements as well as to dull our failures and disappointments.

Whatever you do keep posting - there are people here who will attempt to help you and try to give you hope. Best wishes

G

[JemJem]

Well, I am not anti-AA or anything like that. But I guess the thing is that I am mainly an 'individualist' type of person (and thus feel a bit awkward in such groups) and also, I am not religious/spiritual. I know that you will say that AA welcomes non-religious/spiritual folks too (which is true, I know, from my experiences at AA) but you know, some stuff there makes me feel out-of-place. But, as I must have written before in this thread, I don't rule out trying it again.

You know that I am open and honest so I will say this: I sometimes think 'What's the point of pressuring myself to quitting and then still lead an unsatisfactory life ? I might as well drink occasionally and enjoy the high feeling every now and then, despite the later hangovers'. I just can't help thinking like that.

But at least I know that I don't want to go back to my 'heavy and often drinking days'. I think that, OVERALL, since the end of last year,I have done reasonably well in reducing my alcohol intake (could and should have done better though).

I still haven't tried the 'acquiring new hobbies' way so I am still hopeful about that possibility. I have been doing the same stuff over and over (watching TV, using the Internet, reading, and the occasional drinking). I have to do different things.

Oh, and a on a final note for this post, this Thursday, I nearly lost my resolve. I suddenly planned to drink the 2 cans of beer I had in the fridge at home and then go out and continue drinking at bars. I opened the first can but after drinking about a quarter of it, I changed my mind and dumped the can (and then dumped the other can as well). This kind of change-of-mind rarely happens to me so I congratulated myself

[chiangmaikelly]

The following is not and add for AA or approved by AA. AA I imagine may not even like it. This is where I found it.

http://www.angelfire.com/mn2/illstandbyyou/alcohol.html

"Four percent of alcoholics stay sober for the next year if they try to quit on their own.Fifty percent of alcoholics stay sober for the next year of if they go through treatment. Seventy percent of alcoholics stay sober for the next year if they go through treatment and regularly attend Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. Ninety percent of alcoholics stay sober for the next year if they go through treatment, regularly attend Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, and go to aftercare once a week. "

The numbers seem a little high to me but maybe it's because of the court ordered AA meetings I went to when I was new to the program.

I have been to AA meetings all over the world. The best ones I have been to have been in Thailand. I not a real good AA'er guy as I go to the meetings to hear the stories; I'm not much into the God stuff. Not everyone likes Pattaya stories but gosh darn they are interesting.

I am a simple person, don't drink and go to meetings. That's all I needed. At first I didn't like going to meetings, then I found the ones where they tell stories. Different places they have different names for them. Some people like step meetings or Big Book meetings me I like the drunk stories.

I am not suggesting anyone else do anything like me; I'm just sharing my experience, strength and hope.

Edited May 11, 2013 by chiangmaikelly

[Sheryl]

I think one important advantage to AA is that it helps you form new friendships with people who are also trying to get/stay sober. One of the persistent issues I hear on this board is that many people's social lives revolve around drinking, bars etc and they are at a loss without it, and of course continuing to frequent bars and socialize with drinkers is risky (plus, people get very, very boring as they get drunk -- if you are drink too you won't see it, but you will sober.)

[gerryBScot]

Good to hear from you again, Jemjem, and I am glad you managed to avoid those.Funnily enough I too found I had two cans of Chang in the fridge a few days ago, left over from a party we had a few months. I would be lying if I didn't say the thought momentarlly crossed my mind that I could neck these and no one would be the wiser!

Sheryl is correct about AA helping you meet other people and enabling you to do things together with other folk that don't drink. In my early days it also helped enormously in getting me through the days because there were also people to hang out with in between meetings - lots of visits to coffee shops and in a lot of respects a continuation of meetings. I also went to a few conventions and had a memorable first sober New Year at a gig with about 1200 other sober drunks listening to a band known as The Trusted Servant featuring some of the biggest names in rock, fellow AA members.

Jemjem I hadn't realised that you had already been to AA. I readily accept that the so-called "spiritual" element of AA puts many people off, especially at the beginning. I would suggest to you and any other beginner to not let this get in the way at the beginning - not drinking is the priority: don't drink, don't think and get to a meeting is what I was told at the beginning! The "don't think" was probably as important as the "don't drink" part of this and of course getting to meetings is what really made it for me. This worked for me and I have no doubt that I wouldn't have hung around had the God stuff been too strong.

However as I got sober, I was aware that everything was changing for the better especially my mental state but also my physical health. This wasn't overnight but rather progressive. I was also starting to make significant inroads into other practical problems like my employment and indebtedness. I was also having a more meaningful and communicative relationship with my immediate family:I told my mother and sisters where I was at. Up to this point my relationship with them had been completely distant and superficial for 20+ years.

One day early on I found myself at a loose end in my home town, Glasgow, Scotland, on a visit to a friend who was experiencing some difficulties; he said he wanted the morning to himself. That morning my car ended up taking me to the cemetery where my father had been buried in 1977 as a 53 year old heart attack victim. He was a drunk and I hated him and had borne the most unmovable resentment towards him all of my life; this had not let up even though he had been dead for 30 years. This was the first time I had been to his grave since his burial. I wept by his grave for an hour, uncontrollably, and when I left I felt as if a huge burden had been removed from my shoulders.No one told me to do this, there was no process, I didn't have a sponsor, I wasn't working the programme.....I just went.

In reality this was the beginning of my spiritual awakening - I, a life long victim began to be able to forgive people. Soon after this I went to a funeral of a young guy who went back out for more and choked and died on his vomit as he lay comatose. This guy got a truly wonderful send off, not a member of his family present, but 500 AAs in church for a funeral mass said by a priest I knew as Tony but who in fact was an AA. The closing hymn was "Amazing Grace" which I had heard a thousand times but the words "......that saved a wretch like me" ......well they stuck.

I heard someone tell it this way: in AA's first step "we admitted we were powerless over alcohol" - he said "power" is problem; we have lost our power; our power doesn't work, so we need to get a new power and the only requirement for that new power is that we accept that this power is more powerful than we are. Hence many AAs talk about their "Higher Power". That is as far as I understand it the spiritual part of AA. You don't need to go to church, do anything. Just be open minded. Increasingly I understand this strange sense that I wasn't doing anything, I was quite literally being guided. It wasn't Paul on the road to Damascus or anything of that ilk......

Another person talked about the "alcoholic horse thief" - easy to get an alcoholic horse thief sober but if s/he continues to steal horses they will drink again; I took this to mean it's not just good enough to quit drinking, but to stay sober we have to make a conscious attempt to change our thinking and behaviour as well. This is a life time job and is continuous and progressive. It's not about perfection, simply progress. I continue to make many errors.

So this is the big picture. But right now for you Jemjem and any beginner it really is about not drinking one day at a time and being open-minded about the rest.

Keep posting Jemjem and try to remember your problem is essentially the first drink - if you don't take the first drink you can not get drunk.

Edited May 12, 2013 by gerryBScot

[473geo]

A couple of weeks ago I had real bad tooth ache, I had heard that rinsing with alcohol assists with pain......so the half empty bottle of rum I returned with from a party several years ago got re-opened.......I rinsed.....didn't swallow........473geo.....life on the edge....

Good to see you start out again jemjem, 77 days is a good target to try to beat.....of course if we don't occasionally pop a beer there is no target except to maintain exclusion!!....a bit on the boring side....I can't remember my last beer it is so long ago and I can't remember the last time I was plastered.....just lucky I guess things seem to be rolling along nicely

I did see a fellow farang fall out of the bar in the resort I was staying in recently..........made me think......perhaps a Tvisa poster who continually claims the Thai do not respect foreigners as they should

Edited May 15, 2013 by 473geo

[473geo]

I think one important advantage to AA is that it helps you form new friendships with people who are also trying to get/stay sober. One of the persistent issues I hear on this board is that many people's social lives revolve around drinking, bars etc and they are at a loss without it, and of course continuing to frequent bars and socialize with drinkers is risky (plus, people get very, very boring as they get drunk -- if you are drink too you won't see it, but you will sober.)

Last night I went out for a meal with work colleague who has never drank. Interesting evening as it was a greek restaurant and the wine was flowing, had I not been with a non drinker I may have been tempted to have a glass. but I didn't. Funny though a rather attractive lady was enjoying herself with a glass of wine or two, a little more than her male companion who appeared put out at the smiles she was distributing in my direction. If I'd been pissed I would never have noticed!! Made my night it did. and the food was good too

Edited May 26, 2013 by 473geo

[JemJem]

Just to tell you , folks, that I am not doing too well

I will be back.

[GrahamF]

Just to tell you , folks, that I am not doing too well

I will be back.

What's up, did the drinking ramp up or are you sick??

[gerryBScot]

Just to tell you , folks, that I am not doing too well

I will be back.

Jemjem at the end of my drinking, alcohol completely isolated me - it wanted me in my own space, alone, living in my head, consumed by my feelings and fears.....and of course in such an unhappy state I had to drink to kill the noise in my head ; alcohol ad long ceased to have any connection with fun, the ostensible reason for drinking in the first place. At the end there was no fun. You might be at the jumping off place - a critical moment when you need to be bold and do something different, unknown, like get help; alternatively you can carry on with the same misery, it doesn't seem as if it is going to better for you. Please feel free to PM if I can be of any help.

[JemJem]

Just to tell you , folks, that I am not doing too well

I will be back.

What's up, did the drinking ramp up or are you sick??

Thanks. The drinking ramped up. There came a period when I drank a lot (even 2 days in a row, which I had rarely done since long time ago). I am now sober since last Friday but feeling not-so-well psychologically.

[JemJem]

Just to tell you , folks, that I am not doing too well

I will be back.

Jemjem at the end of my drinking, alcohol completely isolated me - it wanted me in my own space, alone, living in my head, consumed by my feelings and fears.....and of course in such an unhappy state I had to drink to kill the noise in my head ; alcohol ad long ceased to have any connection with fun, the ostensible reason for drinking in the first place. At the end there was no fun. You might be at the jumping off place - a critical moment when you need to be bold and do something different, unknown, like get help; alternatively you can carry on with the same misery, it doesn't seem as if it is going to better for you. Please feel free to PM if I can be of any help.

Thanks. I will make sure to keep that in mind and might PM you later in the month, Gerry.

I know the 'There are always excuses for one to drink a lot' thing but I am really going through a tough period. I guess I can call it 'mid-life crisis'.

I have been feeling down most of the time since several months ago. I even cancelled a trip to a seaside resort the day before I was supposed to go because I just didn't feel like being away from my flat. I spend most of my time either at home or just in the neighborhood, at the same places usually.

I guess one good thing is I am sober since last Friday, and haven't had the urge to drink since then, and I am also feeling good about having a long sober run again; BUT (this is an important 'but') psychologically, I don't feel too well overall. It's like I have no aim in life (of course there are other issues too).

Don't get me wrong, folks: I don't have the aim of making people feel sorry for me; I just want to be totally sincere and honest; and tell you what's going on.

[473geo]

Don't beat yourself up Jemjem, you were just not ready to stop drinking, keep giving the dry spells a go and when you are ready, in your mind and in your body too, you will stop drinking for a while longer than you anticipated. Long enough to start saying to yourself, 'I like this sobriety, this is good'......hang in there, while there is the spark to reignite the will to control your alcohol intake you can do something about it

[gerryBScot]

Just to tell you , folks, that I am not doing too well

I will be back.

Jemjem at the end of my drinking, alcohol completely isolated me - it wanted me in my own space, alone, living in my head, consumed by my feelings and fears.....and of course in such an unhappy state I had to drink to kill the noise in my head ; alcohol ad long ceased to have any connection with fun, the ostensible reason for drinking in the first place. At the end there was no fun. You might be at the jumping off place - a critical moment when you need to be bold and do something different, unknown, like get help; alternatively you can carry on with the same misery, it doesn't seem as if it is going to better for you. Please feel free to PM if I can be of any help.

Thanks. I will make sure to keep that in mind and might PM you later in the month, Gerry.

I know the 'There are always excuses for one to drink a lot' thing but I am really going through a tough period. I guess I can call it 'mid-life crisis'.

I have been feeling down most of the time since several months ago. I even cancelled a trip to a seaside resort the day before I was supposed to go because I just didn't feel like being away from my flat. I spend most of my time either at home or just in the neighborhood, at the same places usually.

I guess one good thing is I am sober since last Friday, and haven't had the urge to drink since then, and I am also feeling good about having a long sober run again; BUT (this is an important 'but') psychologically, I don't feel too well overall. It's like I have no aim in life (of course there are other issues too).

Don't get me wrong, folks: I don't have the aim of making people feel sorry for me; I just want to be totally sincere and honest; and tell you what's going on.

Jemjem good to hear your news. I didn't feel psychologically strong or positive at the beginning of sobriety. If someone had said to me how my life would change in the course of the next ten years I might have strangled them. I really thought I was going to die in those early days. I was very bleak.

And of course sobriety doesn't mean that life becomes a bed of roses: we are not spared the difficulties of life. For all the highs like marriage, two children, regular employment, moving to LOS there have been lows too: death of loved ones, ill health, hospitalisation not to mention the normal highs and lows of every day life. I think I can say that I have been able to deal much more effectively and much less destructively with most of the challenges that have come my way in sobriety.

I remember someone saying early on: there is no problem you have now or may have in the future that will be helped in any way by taking a drink. That has been my experience.

So keep at it, as Geo says, keep working at increasing your days of sobriety.

Don't get too worried about problems you may see in the future, try to keep things in the day and try to live each days as fully as you can. It might help to write a list of things you are grateful for: they can be as simple as you want. eg: 1. Not drinking today 2. Being able to breathe 3. Having internet access and being able to go online etc etc.

If nothing else come on here and post every day: tell us how you feel and what you are doing. You'll get nay sayers and challenged people but you'll probably also get some help and feedback and you'll also help people like me by reminding me what it was like. I readily identify with so much of what you say.

Remember never give up giving up. Good luck to you and thanks for helping me.

[JemJem]

Now I feel that there SHOULDN'T BE any 'if's or 'but's, and that I should quit drinking; period. Let me explain what has happened with me this weekend.

I have hit a new long this weekend ! On Friday, I was out drinking with a friend ; we went to several pubs/bars. Then after several hours (he drank a little while I drank heavily, as it usually happens with me), an argument started (totally my fault), and I said things to him that I shouldn't have said; things he didn't deserve. I won't go into detail but let me say that I was in the wrong and that I feel that if I had been sober, I can say with 100 percent confidence that, this wouldn't have happened !

Now the friendship is sadly over. Even if he forgives me, which I doubt he will (because I said really undeserved things to him), I have no face to see or talk to him again.

I don't know if this kind of thing has ever happened with you folks. It is really a sickening feeling now; being sick and angry at myself ! Being disgusted with myself.

Maybe one good thing to come out of this will be my sobriety. We all know that it is easy to say in the beginning. Time will tell , but I hope this sad low point will help me to be totally decided and committed.

[poanoi]

I know from personal experience that limits slowly dissolve with continuous heavy drinking,

in short, we become <deleted> with no manner.

I can also say that memory & concentration evaporate after a few years.

What caused me to drastically reduce drinking, on two occasions actually,

was the simple fact that i was too far away from go-go,

so find out what your convenience limit is, and live outside striking distance from any bar,

and i guarantee drinking will grind down.

Life's gonna get helluva lot more boring tho, so myself i set a goal to achieve,

and current time thus is largely irrelevant, and for sure is pointless beside the bodybuilding

[GrahamF]

Now I feel that there SHOULDN'T BE any 'if's or 'but's, and that I should quit drinking; period. Let me explain what has happened with me this weekend.

I have hit a new long this weekend ! On Friday, I was out drinking with a friend ; we went to several pubs/bars. Then after several hours (he drank a little while I drank heavily, as it usually happens with me), an argument started (totally my fault), and I said things to him that I shouldn't have said; things he didn't deserve. I won't go into detail but let me say that I was in the wrong and that I feel that if I had been sober, I can say with 100 percent confidence that, this wouldn't have happened !

Now the friendship is sadly over. Even if he forgives me, which I doubt he will (because I said really undeserved things to him), I have no face to see or talk to him again.

I don't know if this kind of thing has ever happened with you folks. It is really a sickening feeling now; being sick and angry at myself ! Being disgusted with myself.

Maybe one good thing to come out of this will be my sobriety. We all know that it is easy to say in the beginning. Time will tell , but I hope this sad low point will help me to be totally decided and committed.

Rest assured JemJem, that anything you have done when drunk has been done before you and will be done again by someone who is drunk. I know you feel miserable about what happened, and maybe that's a good thing, just realize that there are others out there who are like you and willing and able to help you. You are not alone!

Now that you've decided to give up drinking, you now have to decide how you're going to do that. I can tell you that AA is working for me and if you decide on that course, I will give you the advice that was given me.......Get to meetings, find a sponsor, work the steps and in my case, my friend told me to shut up and listen.

Feel free to PM me if you like.

[473geo]

Spent half my life shooting out one line put downs while under the influence jemjem, alienating friends, amusing some, making others cringe, you are not alone. I have seen careers becalmed by an inopportune piece of advice offered to the MD at works christmas parties!

Most of my relationships ran out when the other half could not cope any longer with the effects of my drinking, still got invited to loads of parties, but suggest there were a few hosts who would have been happier if I had not accepted on occasion!

You have the right attitude, need to change, we cannot right the wrongs of drunken escapades, so just move on a little the wiser......it is only when I now control my drinking that I can acknowledge alcohol has done me no favours in the past, no regrets, I have a good life now and concentrate on the future and enjoying it to the full......without alcohol.....for the time being

[GrahamF]

Spent half my life shooting out one line put downs while under the influence jemjem, alienating friends, amusing some, making others cringe, you are not alone. I have seen careers becalmed by an inopportune piece of advice offered to the MD at works christmas parties!

Most of my relationships ran out when the other half could not cope any longer with the effects of my drinking, still got invited to loads of parties, but suggest there were a few hosts who would have been happier if I had not accepted on occasion!

You have the right attitude, need to change, we cannot right the wrongs of drunken escapades, so just move on a little the wiser......it is only when I now control my drinking that I can acknowledge alcohol has done me no favours in the past, no regrets, I have a good life now and concentrate on the future and enjoying it to the full......without alcohol.....for the time being

It's surprising what can be set right, with time and the right attitude. Pretty much everyone I have approached to "set things right" has been kind and forgiving. The usual response I get is, "I'm happy that you're sober!" It's not always easy and I'm sure that there are some things I will never be able to fix, but that's ok too.

[gerryBScot]

Jemjem wait until you don't even know what you did or said when you were drunk, or remember how you got home or wake up in strange beds with people you don't know and you can't remember how you got there. This becomes scarier and scarier if you keep on drinking. If you have reached your bottom with this incident, the point at which you are not prepared to sink lower, then look at it as a good thing. WIthout wanting to prejudge what happened I am sure you will be able to put it right. However many of us have made (umpteen) sincere promises, in beautiful, sincere words to our loved ones, saying how wrong we were and how badly we have behaved and how we will never do it again........only to start at it three weeks or three days later. Do something now like get a counsellor or go to AA but do something that will validate and reinforce your commitment not to drink and most of all where there will be no external pressure on you to drink. Good luck.

[SJN]

"... wait until you don't even know what you did or said when you were drunk, or remember how you got home or wake up in strange beds with people you don't know and you can't remember how you got there."

Fromt the quoted above, lets say if that kinda incident happens to my life, does it mean i am alcoholism? arghhhhh!!! Scary!!!!