Our Progress In Our Sober Runs

[gerryBScot]

"... wait until you don't even know what you did or said when you were drunk, or remember how you got home or wake up in strange beds with people you don't know and you can't remember how you got there."

Fromt the quoted above, lets say if that kinda incident happens to my life, does it mean i am alcoholism? arghhhhh!!! Scary!!!!

SJN you got it: scary, that is exactly what it is. Going out for a drink and not knowing where or how it would end. I can't tell you about you if you get into these type of scary situations because of drinking. But personally I do not believe that this type of black out drinking could be called "normal" or have much relationship to having fun.

This happened over 10 years ago. I hadn't been drinking for 3 or 4 weeks. I had sought refuge in a monastery for a few days as a result of being suspended from my job. The press were sniffing around me as I was alleged to have intimidated witnesses in a court case. I returned to my digs once the initial furore of my suspension had settled down. My landlord in whose house I rented a room and with whom I enjoyed reasonable, cordial relations, had his elderly aunt (80+) and seventeen year old cousin staying with him; they were visiting from overseas. I took the pretty young female cousin out to get everyone fish and chips and she suggested we have a drink in the bar next to the chippie. And that was me off.I got her home with fish and chips for all and proceeded to drink all night.

I woke up next morning naked in the same bed as granny and granddaughter. I have no recollection of how I got there. I peered up from the bottom of the bed and saw granny and granddaughter peering at me.......and legged it to my room. I was mightily relieved to learn later that I had simply been an eejit as opposed to being under investigation for rape or some such indecent assault. They laughed it off and my landlord was fortunately more amused than annoyed too. As the story gathered apocrypha it was alleged that I was more interested in granny than grand daughter.

I wish I could say that was the only time I "lost" it; but there were many others, none so embarassing, but it is horrible to learn about your antics while drunk. Thanks God it was just antics.

I wish I could say that I learned my lesson and quit then. I didn't. I had another 8 months of drinking left before I finally quit.

I once met a guy who served 6 years of a life sentence for murder; he didn't know what had happened because he was blacked out. He get freed when new evidence came to light that it couldn't have been him in the circumstances elaborated by the plod. He stayed sober for another two years and then went back to it.

Yeah there is a funny side to some of this, but bottom line is it was really scary. And of course being an alcoholic my way of dealing with his stuff was to minimise it and make excuses - it was a one off, I was under a lot of pressure at the time, it's not how I normally behave etc.

One of the things I love about being sober is that no one has ever had to tell me what I did or what I said.

[SJN]

Thank you so much gerryBScot. I got what you said...yes being blackout really irritates me.

[JemJem]

Thanks, folks.

Well, maybe, the loss of a friendship due to my drinking (which I told you about in my previous post above) will be my 'wake-up call'.

And, I need to stop feeling sorry for myself (I tend to do that often).

Do you think most of the alcoholics are pessimist-type of folks ? I myself am definitely a pessimist unfortunately. I need to fight the pessimism too.

Sober for 4 days now.

[473geo]

I'm not the type to get depressed Jemjem (otherwise I would not survive 5 minutes on the more negative parts of Tvisa!! ) I have heard that alcohol can heighten your mood, so if you are depressed it will not assist, but rather make it worse, of course if you are relaxed and happy, well why would you need to overdose on alcohol? But i used to do it, and on occasion maybe will again. You know one of the most enlightening things about being sober is going to functions and noticing exactly how the drunks are viewed at the end of the proceedings.....of course the drunk is not even aware.....and I think sometimes I'm glad that is not me....being only too aware...it once was!! Keep going Jemjem it is worth the effort

Edited June 13, 2013 by 473geo

[gerryBScot]

I'm not the type to get depressed Jemjem (otherwise I would not survive 5 minutes on the more negative parts of Tvisa!! ) I have heard that alcohol can heighten your mood, so if you are depressed it will not assist, but rather make it worse, of course if you are relaxed and happy, well why would you need to overdose on alcohol? But i used to do it, and on occasion maybe will again. You know one of the most enlightening things about being sober is going to functions and noticing exactly how the drunks are viewed at the end of the proceedings.....of course the drunk is not even aware.....and I think sometimes I'm glad that is not me....being only too aware...it once was!! Keep going Jemjem it is worth the effort

Yes Geo I know exactly what you mean about looking at drunks. Invariably, on those few occasions when I have been around drunks since getting sober, what I see is actually part me and part what I used to be like. I don't consciously avoid alcohol or places where alcohol is available either but as a general rule I don't hang out in bars. I can't remember the last time I was in a bar. Next month a cousin from Oz will be here with his family and the booze will be flowing - they know and respect my situation - we'll have a laugh, they'll get pissed, but I'll stay on softs and will be perfectly happy, I hope, and will probably slope off too bed early and feel terribly smug the next morning!

Jemjem, I second what Geo says: keep going, it is worth the effort.

[jaidam]

It's been a while since contributing to this thread. I have been teetotal for coming up to 6 months next week.

The first month was very difficult and felt like a permanent hangover, sweaty and shaky with minor auditory hallucinations. After that period things became much easier reaching a point that I stopped thinking about drinking for the most part.

Benefits have been very tangible. Lost almost all excess weight, and no bloating in my upper body any more. Heart palpitations totally stopped and I haven't had to take beta-blockers/valium for the last 5 months. General energy levels are much higher and it just feels easier to move my limbs. I took a hike last week and walked up some steep trails in the midday heat without as much as breaking a sweat. This would have been absolutely impossible half a year ago. Persistant lower back pain has totally gone. Saving at least 20k a month that I would have spent drinking and drunkenly wasting money.

Negatives have been the surprising part of all this. I still do remarkably stupid things without considering their ramifications. In the past it was often possible to apologise using the excuse that was drunk, but these days that is not an option. Coming of the SSRI's that I used to assist in stopping drinking has proved impossible also. Relaxing in the evening after work is very difficult, and due to not feeling relaxed it is also difficult to enjoy things like a movie, massage. Sleeping is easy though and none of the night time sweats that I used to suffer from. Libido is still markedly lower than before quitting drinking with no improvement over time.

I have recently paid a few visits to the local where I used to do some of the drinking. It looks a very seedy existance indeed, and almost can't believe how many years I wasted. So, its good to see old drinking buddies, but no fun sitting drinking soft drinks in that atmosphere.

Best of luck to all of you in your efforts.

[gerryBScot]

It's been a while since contributing to this thread. I have been teetotal for coming up to 6 months next week.

The first month was very difficult and felt like a permanent hangover, sweaty and shaky with minor auditory hallucinations. After that period things became much easier reaching a point that I stopped thinking about drinking for the most part.

Benefits have been very tangible. Lost almost all excess weight, and no bloating in my upper body any more. Heart palpitations totally stopped and I haven't had to take beta-blockers/valium for the last 5 months. General energy levels are much higher and it just feels easier to move my limbs. I took a hike last week and walked up some steep trails in the midday heat without as much as breaking a sweat. This would have been absolutely impossible half a year ago. Persistant lower back pain has totally gone. Saving at least 20k a month that I would have spent drinking and drunkenly wasting money.

Negatives have been the surprising part of all this. I still do remarkably stupid things without considering their ramifications. In the past it was often possible to apologise using the excuse that was drunk, but these days that is not an option. Coming of the SSRI's that I used to assist in stopping drinking has proved impossible also. Relaxing in the evening after work is very difficult, and due to not feeling relaxed it is also difficult to enjoy things like a movie, massage. Sleeping is easy though and none of the night time sweats that I used to suffer from. Libido is still markedly lower than before quitting drinking with no improvement over time.

I have recently paid a few visits to the local where I used to do some of the drinking. It looks a very seedy existance indeed, and almost can't believe how many years I wasted. So, its good to see old drinking buddies, but no fun sitting drinking soft drinks in that atmosphere.

Best of luck to all of you in your efforts.

Jaidam that's an amazing turn around in 6 months. There is no reason why it will not continue if you stay sober. We have a saying in AA: we seek progress not perfection. Your post is of real progress. I am afraid you will continue to do silly things for the rest of your life! At least now you can recognise that you have done something stupid. If you recognise you are in the wrong, then apologise.

If you are in Thailand, in fact wherever you may be, you might consider learning how to meditate. This can assist with relaxation and might help you long term with quitting the SSRIs. But don't beat yourself up on this problem.

Another saying from you know where: if you spend enough time in a barbershop you'll get a haircut. This applies to bars and drinking. Probably best not to test yourself too much or put yourself on offer. I only go to bars etc if I have a reason to go there, like to meet friends. I avoid them on my own as a general rule but my life is such that I am rarely stuck for something to do: wife, 2 kids and a job keeps me busy. So I can't remember the last time I was stuck for something to do with time on my hands! I am sure your continued sobriety will throw up some pleasant surprises for you too.

So well done Jaidam and keep it going and keep posting.

[poanoi]

@jaidam: a low dose of anavar and a low dose of DAA (D aspartic acid),

and a low dose of anastrozole can help with libido,

since it also helps with muscle building it would be good to combine with some body building.

I think you should check your testosterone and estrogen level, and check if they are normal for your age (it will say on the paper you get)

Based on personal observation, i also lean towards a theory that living with a gf with NO fcn sex interest whatsoever can also be negative for libido

Edited June 30, 2013 by poanoi

[JemJem]

Hey again, folks.

The last time I got drunk was about 2 weeks ago. After that, I drank for 2 more times (but only few beers each time). Yesterday was sort of a test for me. I had recently joined an online international group. They have big get-togethers once a month and the July one was yesterday. It was sort of a poolside party. I planned to go and I was thinking to myself : A: Just say 'What the helll' and drink a lot, socialise and have a good time, but suffer for 2-3 days afterwards; B: Go there, but don't drink at all and see if you manage to enjoy yourself there like that.

I immediately knew that the second possibility was a very remote one for me. For me, it is very very hard to go to such an event and abstain !

In the end, I didn't go. At home, early in the day yesterday, I drank 3 beers (and while drinking, I was wondering whether to go there) and then I decided not to go to that event (because I just felt I didn't want to get drunk) and instead, I hit the bed early.

Interestingly, the last few times I drank a lot, I didn't even enjoy myself, as I had used to. Hangovers have always been bad, but at least, I had mostly enjoyed myself while drinking.

Nowadays, actually, I rarely feel like getting drunk. This is good of course. But, then again, my social life still sucks

Anyway, that's all for now. I guess I can say that overall, I have done okay (regarding reducing my intake) very recently.

Edited July 9, 2013 by JemJem

[JemJem]

No one has written here for quite some time. But anyway, here's an update : I have been completely sober for 12 days now. Overall morale/happiness level during this period: about 7 out of 10 So, I guess I am doing okay. In this period, I have only once had the urge to drink, so in that way, it's good too.

But, yes, I know that sooner than later, I should better take up a new hobby/interest or two. Social life consisting mainly of Internet, TV and reading is not much of a social life

At present, I am not saying that I will never drink again; but I am just saying that I plan not to get drunk again. And, actually, I plan to continue this totally-sober run as long as possible for now.

Edited July 21, 2013 by JemJem

[JemJem]

So far so good, folks. Totally sober for 17 days now.

I am not saying 'I will never drink again' BUT I have 2 goals now : 1) To keep this sober run going as long as possible; 2) If I drink again, to never drink to drunkenness.

[GrahamF]

So far so good, folks. Totally sober for 17 days now.

I am not saying 'I will never drink again' BUT I have 2 goals now : 1) To keep this sober run going as long as possible; 2) If I drink again, to never drink to drunkenness.

Good to hear that you are still "in the game." Wanting and trying to do something is half the battle.

All I can tell you about your #2 goal is that it didn't work for me. I tried a number of times to have just a few and once in awhile it worked out, primarily in the beginning, eventually I ended up drunk most of the time. Your results may vary and I really hope they do, if they don't and you end up getting drunk most of the time it might be an indicator to think about abstinence.

Keep us updated and best of luck!

[JemJem]

So far so good, folks. Totally sober for 17 days now.

I am not saying 'I will never drink again' BUT I have 2 goals now : 1) To keep this sober run going as long as possible; 2) If I drink again, to never drink to drunkenness.

Good to hear that you are still "in the game." Wanting and trying to do something is half the battle.

All I can tell you about your #2 goal is that it didn't work for me. I tried a number of times to have just a few and once in awhile it worked out, primarily in the beginning, eventually I ended up drunk most of the time. Your results may vary and I really hope they do, if they don't and you end up getting drunk most of the time it might be an indicator to think about abstinence.

Keep us updated and best of luck!

Thanks.

The run continues; sober for 24 days now. I still have those 2 goals on my mind. I am optimistic but time will tell of course.

[Dogbreath]

Read pages 31 & 32 from the Book Alcoholics Anonymous. The chapter is More About Alcoholism. Not preachy, just a recitation of some of the many ways we alkies thought we could try to drink normally. If you are a real alcoholic, the only thing that works is total abstinence. I have been sober in AA for 31+ years and it's been a good life. If you are sick and tired of being sick and tired, give AA a try. If it's not for you we will refund your misery in full.

[473geo]

Hello Jem Jem

Been keeping up with your progress but incommicado for the last 6 weeks!!

Hope you are still going well

I am quite amused to find I was never a 'real alcoholic' as intimated by dogbreath above, 40 years of excessive alcohol consumption, money wasted, relationships ruined, fooling my self that drinking to excess was making me happy, putting drink before every other aspect of my life.....

You see Jem Jem I have discovered the will to control my drinking, (as you are making a real attempt to do) and yes in most cases that is abstinence, because I no longer wish to expend the energy controlling something more easily avoided. Yet because I do not 'fit' into the explanations of 'we alkies' it would appear I was never a 'real alcoholic'........the problem I have with many organisations is the complete inability of some members to accept that others do not require the 'services' and 'advice' they despense combined with their smug attitude such people are doomed to fail......well not this guy!!......It is the crass comments of people such as dogbreath that spur me on, care to join me as an 'individual'? look to yourself, not the experience of others, you can be stronger than they if you wish.....or you can fall into line with the failures who support and encourage others with stories of failure then roll out the 'corporate' solution....I have been successful on my journey...me..the individual working to my own strengths.....you can be too.....and if that makes us not a 'real alcoholic' then I am pleased I never was!!!

Edited August 24, 2013 by 473geo

[gerryBScot]

Hello Jem Jem

Been keeping up with your progress but incommicado for the last 6 weeks!!

Hope you are still going well

I am quite amused to find I was never a 'real alcoholic' as intimated by dogbreath above, 40 years of excessive alcohol consumption, money wasted, relationships ruined, fooling my self that drinking to excess was making me happy, putting drink before every other aspect of my life.....

You see Jem Jem I have discovered the will to control my drinking, (as you are making a real attempt to do) and yes in most cases that is abstinence, because I no longer wish to expend the energy controlling something more easily avoided. Yet because I do not 'fit' into the explanations of 'we alkies' it would appear I was never a 'real alcoholic'........the problem I have with many organisations is the complete inability of some members to accept that others do not require the 'services' and 'advice' they despense combined with their smug attitude such people are doomed to fail......well not this guy!!......It is the crass comments of people such as dogbreath that spur me on, care to join me as an 'individual'? look to yourself, not the experience of others, you can be stronger than they if you wish.....or you can fall into line with the failures who support and encourage others with stories of failure then roll out the 'corporate' solution....I have been successful on my journey...me..the individual working to my own strengths.....you can be too.....and if that makes us not a 'real alcoholic' then I am pleased I never was!!!

Geo I have read Dogbreath's post and I can't see any part of it where he says you are not a real alcoholic. AA is built on the concept of self-acknowledgement: My name is XXXXX, I am an alcoholic. Beware of anybody who says you are not an alcoholic - it's your opinion alone and that is what counts and I hear you loud and clear saying you're an alcoholic and that it why you abstain from alcohol. In fact my reading is you agree with Dogbreath. However I am an alcoholic and I get things wrong so maybe I am missing something. One of the best things I heard in the AA rooms, said to a newcomer who was still debating: you're better off in here pretending you are than out there thinking you are not......

Keep well and strong for this day only and then start again tomorrow.

[JemJem]

As quite a hardcore left-winger, I find it hard to go to and be part of AA ! But at the same time, I haven't been doing too well; I have been drunk 2 days in a row now

[Dogbreath]

As quite a hardcore left-winger, I find it hard to go to and be part of AA ! But at the same time, I haven't been doing too well; I have been drunk 2 days in a row now

Alcoholism is no respecter of class, prestige, status, or anything else that sets us apart from one another. It's an equal opportunity disease. We have as many lefties as right wingers in AA and lots of independents. AA extends the hand of fellowship to all comers who have problems with booze. If you decide it's not for you, fine. We wish you well. AA may not be the only way to stay sober, but it has helped millions around the world for over 75 years. Good luck.

[Dogbreath]

Hello Jem Jem

Been keeping up with your progress but incommicado for the last 6 weeks!!

Hope you are still going well

I am quite amused to find I was never a 'real alcoholic' as intimated by dogbreath above, 40 years of excessive alcohol consumption, money wasted, relationships ruined, fooling my self that drinking to excess was making me happy, putting drink before every other aspect of my life.....

You see Jem Jem I have discovered the will to control my drinking, (as you are making a real attempt to do) and yes in most cases that is abstinence, because I no longer wish to expend the energy controlling something more easily avoided. Yet because I do not 'fit' into the explanations of 'we alkies' it would appear I was never a 'real alcoholic'........the problem I have with many organisations is the complete inability of some members to accept that others do not require the 'services' and 'advice' they despense combined with their smug attitude such people are doomed to fail......well not this guy!!......It is the crass comments of people such as dogbreath that spur me on, care to join me as an 'individual'? look to yourself, not the experience of others, you can be stronger than they if you wish.....or you can fall into line with the failures who support and encourage others with stories of failure then roll out the 'corporate' solution....I have been successful on my journey...me..the individual working to my own strengths.....you can be too.....and if that makes us not a 'real alcoholic' then I am pleased I never was!!!

473geo We in AA carry a message of hope as well as tolerance for other points of view. AA does not claim to be the only solution to problem drinking or alcoholism. I have known some people who have stayed sober without AA. If it works for them, fine. I tried other methods for years without success. My involvement with AA has helped me stay sober for quite a long time. It worked for me as well as millions of others.

That you issue a blanket condemnation of AA makes me suspect a case of contempt prior to investigation which is, of course, a bar to all knowledge. In any event, good luck and best wishes.

Edited September 5, 2013 by Dogbreath

[JemJem]

Hello Jem Jem

Been keeping up with your progress but incommicado for the last 6 weeks!!

Hope you are still going well

I am quite amused to find I was never a 'real alcoholic' as intimated by dogbreath above, 40 years of excessive alcohol consumption, money wasted, relationships ruined, fooling my self that drinking to excess was making me happy, putting drink before every other aspect of my life.....

You see Jem Jem I have discovered the will to control my drinking, (as you are making a real attempt to do) and yes in most cases that is abstinence, because I no longer wish to expend the energy controlling something more easily avoided. Yet because I do not 'fit' into the explanations of 'we alkies' it would appear I was never a 'real alcoholic'........the problem I have with many organisations is the complete inability of some members to accept that others do not require the 'services' and 'advice' they despense combined with their smug attitude such people are doomed to fail......well not this guy!!......It is the crass comments of people such as dogbreath that spur me on, care to join me as an 'individual'? look to yourself, not the experience of others, you can be stronger than they if you wish.....or you can fall into line with the failures who support and encourage others with stories of failure then roll out the 'corporate' solution....I have been successful on my journey...me..the individual working to my own strengths.....you can be too.....and if that makes us not a 'real alcoholic' then I am pleased I never was!!!

473geo We in AA carry a message of hope as well as tolerance for other points of view. AA does not claim to be the only solution to problem drinking or alcoholism. I have known some people who have stayed sober without AA. If it works for them, fine. I tried other methods for years without success. My involvement with AA has helped me stay sober for quite a long time. It worked for me as well as millions of others.

That you issue a blanket condemnation of AA makes me suspect a case of contempt prior to investigation which is, of course, a bar to all knowledge. In any event, good luck and best wishes.

It wasn't really meant to be a condemnation of AA; I am really sorry if it sounded like that. It was just a feeling that it wouldn't work with me personally.

And, I wasn't sober when I wrote that last message, and I was also feeling very down due to the fact that I had gotten drunk two days in a row, which was something that I especially meant to avoid doing for good ! Physically, I have been getting back to normal only today.

Anyway, I will consider going to AA. Once again, I want to say that I hadn't meant to condemn it.

Anyway, I am really disappointed with myself now, and I will come back in here and write, either only if/when I start going to AA, or if/when I take up a new hobby/interest, and if/when I think I am on the right path.

Edited September 5, 2013 by JemJem

[Blackandwhite]

I stopped drinking this time last year first attempt - I stopped till March - gradually started again. Up till last week I was drinking most days. Sunday last week I stopped again. Best few days since I last did. Not drink. ?Good luck all. If you do have a real drink issue and you manage to stop heavy drinking don't be fooled into thinking one or two will be okay, it will not be okay it will take you back to square one drunk every day. Good luck people

[GrahamF]

Hello Jem Jem

Been keeping up with your progress but incommicado for the last 6 weeks!!

Hope you are still going well

I am quite amused to find I was never a 'real alcoholic' as intimated by dogbreath above, 40 years of excessive alcohol consumption, money wasted, relationships ruined, fooling my self that drinking to excess was making me happy, putting drink before every other aspect of my life.....

You see Jem Jem I have discovered the will to control my drinking, (as you are making a real attempt to do) and yes in most cases that is abstinence, because I no longer wish to expend the energy controlling something more easily avoided. Yet because I do not 'fit' into the explanations of 'we alkies' it would appear I was never a 'real alcoholic'........the problem I have with many organisations is the complete inability of some members to accept that others do not require the 'services' and 'advice' they despense combined with their smug attitude such people are doomed to fail......well not this guy!!......It is the crass comments of people such as dogbreath that spur me on, care to join me as an 'individual'? look to yourself, not the experience of others, you can be stronger than they if you wish.....or you can fall into line with the failures who support and encourage others with stories of failure then roll out the 'corporate' solution....I have been successful on my journey...me..the individual working to my own strengths.....you can be too.....and if that makes us not a 'real alcoholic' then I am pleased I never was!!!

473geo We in AA carry a message of hope as well as tolerance for other points of view. AA does not claim to be the only solution to problem drinking or alcoholism. I have known some people who have stayed sober without AA. If it works for them, fine. I tried other methods for years without success. My involvement with AA has helped me stay sober for quite a long time. It worked for me as well as millions of others.

That you issue a blanket condemnation of AA makes me suspect a case of contempt prior to investigation which is, of course, a bar to all knowledge. In any event, good luck and best wishes.

It wasn't really meant to be a condemnation of AA; I am really sorry if it sounded like that. It was just a feeling that it wouldn't work with me personally.

And, I wasn't sober when I wrote that last message, and I was also feeling very down due to the fact that I had gotten drunk two days in a row, which was something that I especially meant to avoid doing for good ! Physically, I have been getting back to normal only today.

Anyway, I will consider going to AA. Once again, I want to say that I hadn't meant to condemn it.

Anyway, I am really disappointed with myself now, and I will come back in here and write, either only if/when I start going to AA, or if/when I take up a new hobby/interest, and if/when I think I am on the right path.

JemJem, I didn't get the impression that you were condemning AA and I think dogbreaths response was directed more toward geo. Please don't stop posting, it could lead to isolation, which could be very bad for you.

As to thinking AA might not work for you, I thought that as well and stayed away for a long time. Well it is working for me and I wish I had gone earlier. Guess I just wasn't ready. If you do go to AA keep an open mind and I think you might be surprised at the huge range of people you meet.

Hang in there. Hope to hear from you soon!

[gerryBScot]

JemJem like every alcoholic I believed I was unique, special and different and that no one really understood me. Thank God, on an off moment when I was feeling vulnerable, I made it to a meeting and kept going back and progressively it became easier to switch off the debate in my head. I was exactly the same - every time I quit drinking I felt better within a few days and every time I started back I felt awful.

An Australian emigré was summoned back from London on the unexpected death of a childhood friend aged 42. "What happened?" he asked. In various forms the reply was: "Drink". The emigré was surprised about this and was curious about why his old friend could not get help. Nothing anyone could do for him was the response. The emigré asked why he didn't go to AA. The reply: "Oh he wasn't that bad".

Keep posting, don't give up giving up and if you want me to call you, send me a PM with a number or email.

[GrahamF]

I stopped drinking this time last year first attempt - I stopped till March - gradually started again. Up till last week I was drinking most days. Sunday last week I stopped again. Best few days since I last did. Not drink. ?Good luck all. If you do have a real drink issue and you manage to stop heavy drinking don't be fooled into thinking one or two will be okay, it will not be okay it will take you back to square one drunk every day. Good luck people

Glad to hear you've decided to stop. It's huge that you realize that one or two drinks is not okay for you. It took me a lot more attempts than one to figure that one out for myself. To be honest, I don't think I ever really admitted that to myself till I got to AA and heard from so many others that they couldn't drink one or two themselves.

Best of luck to you and please let us know how you are doing!

[notbkk]

Hope you're doing ok...I am in the same boat as all of you, and thanks for this thread, Jem Jem. I am on sober day 3 now.

In my 36 years of drinking, I had 2 separate years of abstinence, the last one was 2011. Both times I started drinking one or two until it escalated again to my usual quota. During these 36 years, I have broken an ankle, a foot, an arm, a wrist, not to mention numerous less serious injuries to myself, all because of alcohol. The worst was last year when I plunged down from the first floor into my condo's parking garage and nearly died. After a month in hospital and 3 months off work, endless grief and heartache to my family and partner, I still started drinking slowly again and the last self-injury was 5 days ago when I fell into some old lady's front metal shutter on my way home, bleeding all over. The weird thing is, and I'm not joking, that it only takes 3 large beer Chang for me to get into a state like that. The most I could ever managed was 4.

As someone has mentioned, there are different types of alcoholics. They are scientifically called Alpha-, Beta- and Gamma alcoholics. Not sure which is which, but I'm the one that is NOT biologically addicted but rather psychologically. My body has never CRAVED alcohol in my life, but I have! I think Jem Jem might fall in the same category and it's the more dangerous one. We drink when we're bored and have nothing to do, or feel that we have no real purpose in life. Low self-esteem, depression for whatever reason, etc.

I know one cannot do it alone, but as Jem Jem, I could never join institutions like AA, etc. It's just not for me. I have a very loving caring boyfriend that helps me set and observe my long-term and day to day goals. Praise yourself every time you walk past your local drinking spot without going in. Tell yourself every morning how good you feel because you had another alcohol free day yesterday. Day to day.

Well, this is my view and we might be all going through the same thing, but we are not all the same.

[gerryBScot]

Welcome, notbkk, to the thread. I think it contains everything you need to know about the insanity of alcoholism and testifies to the fact that some of us are prepared to pay the ultimate price due to our insistence on drinking when everything else points to the fact that we should quit for good!

It's a very fortunate thing that I ended up in AA. It wasn't a plan. I thought I'd make a phone call one morning before going out for a drink after a month or so of abstinence. That call took me to AA instead and I haven't drunk since. I kept going back because I heard people telling me about myself and also giving me solutions. There was quite a lot I didn't like but it was big enough in a place like London, UK, for me to find groups where i felt as if I was with my sort of people.

At the time I started going I was under investigation for a number of things, most pertinently a major irregular heart beat - that put real fear into me. Over the next three years of not drinking, while under medical supervision, this went and I was discharged from cardiology and taken off all medication; surgery not required. My doctor called me the miracle man.

I have no doubt had I carried on doing it my way that I wouldn't be alive or writing this post. I am now very glad I got desperate enough to do the unthinkable.

Whatever you do, good luck, and once more, welcome and as we say somewhere else, keep coming back.

[notbkk]

Welcome, notbkk, to the thread. I think it contains everything you need to know about the insanity of alcoholism and testifies to the fact that some of us are prepared to pay the ultimate price due to our insistence on drinking when everything else points to the fact that we should quit for good!

It's a very fortunate thing that I ended up in AA. It wasn't a plan. I thought I'd make a phone call one morning before going out for a drink after a month or so of abstinence. That call took me to AA instead and I haven't drunk since. I kept going back because I heard people telling me about myself and also giving me solutions. There was quite a lot I didn't like but it was big enough in a place like London, UK, for me to find groups where i felt as if I was with my sort of people.

At the time I started going I was under investigation for a number of things, most pertinently a major irregular heart beat - that put real fear into me. Over the next three years of not drinking, while under medical supervision, this went and I was discharged from cardiology and taken off all medication; surgery not required. My doctor called me the miracle man.

I have no doubt had I carried on doing it my way that I wouldn't be alive or writing this post. I am now very glad I got desperate enough to do the unthinkable.

Whatever you do, good luck, and once more, welcome and as we say somewhere else, keep coming back.

Thanks! It's something I should've done long ago to join this forum! I will certainly keep on posting here, and good luck to all.

Edited September 10, 2013 by notbkk

[notbkk]

Tonight I really feel like a beer or two! Off tomorrow and alone at home tonight. My 7th day without alcohol...finishing work in 20 minutes. Why can't I just drink my two big Changs twice a week? I'm getting so bored sitting at home in the evenings, watching TV, cleaning, etc.!

[GrahamF]

Just checking in to see how everyone is doing? I hope all is well!

[notbkk]

I am drinking only about twice a week now, about 6 big Changs a week. Going much better, but I know I'm treading on thin ice! It only takes one mood swing and I'll be drunk again...I get so BORED sitting at home on my off days; no matter what chores or things I come up with to do, once I've finished with them, all I can think about is going out for a beer to relax and sit and watch people go by. I KNOW the only way is to stop completely.