What Is It Like To Have New Born Children At 50 Yrs Of Age

[473geo]

Actually being dead is not really a problem to you though it may be to the rest of the family.

Not a problem but a worry... well that is if you fear death.. perhaps you don't... if so, i envy you. I enjoy life too much to not find the thought of it ending extremely depressing. Perhaps this is something you become more at ease with the older you get.

Not sitting around worrying about something you can't avoid and getting on playing the hand life dealt you leaves little time for trepidation

[rixalex]

Actually being dead is not really a problem to you though it may be to the rest of the family.

Not a problem but a worry... well that is if you fear death.. perhaps you don't... if so, i envy you. I enjoy life too much to not find the thought of it ending extremely depressing. Perhaps this is something you become more at ease with the older you get.

Not sitting around worrying about something you can't avoid and getting on playing the hand life dealt you leaves little time for trepidation

I don't sit around worrying. Try and enjoy each day to the full. Doesn't stop the fear. Easier to be philosophical about it when you know, baring some sort of disaster, that it's not imminent.

[mikk3]

Firstly I would like to thank each and everyone who gave their advice/opinion on this topic.

Kind or harsh words are great, I am more than able to take a beating if neccesary as it was honesty that I was wanting to hear.

Apart from my already grown children who live over 1000kms away from where i live, I have no other living family and only 1 good friend here.

I actually have many friends in Thailand but that doesnt help me in Australia due to the severity of conflicting lifestyles.

You are more than welcome to keep the advice/opinions comming as this is not something that I can decide on in 5 minutes.

And to shed some more light -

My lady did not originally come from a bar - her family has 4 businesses which she of coarse worked since she was young.

She lives in Australia with me and doesnt hassle me for money and although I pay all living expenses etc, I never just feed her money like so many other men here do with their thai brides.

I do not send money back to the family.

We have had a few adjustments along the way but overall I have screened her really carefully over time and believe that she is rare, but genuine.

She has worked part time here in Australia with chinese owners and has earned their trust which if anyone knows that it takes time and effort to gain the trust of chinese business owners.

She doesnt need to live in a manshion, drive fancy cars, wear designer clothes, Gucci bags and be comparing and trying to show off to her friends.

We do appear to have a good, genuine relationship - which is the difficult part and why I asked for help from anyone willing to give some advice/their opinion.

On the other side of the coin -

I told her when we met that I had 2 grown children already and did not want any more.

I also said that I did not know if I would ever change my mind.

In summary -

I know that if I stick to not wanting to have children that we probably wont stay together - she may say that she is fine however, it is the female urge to have children and when they get it and dont actually have children, they become bitter and resentful and I dont want to get to that point.

I also dont want to be selfish and would let her go so that she has some time before she is too old so as she can find someone else and maybe have the chance to have the children that she wants.

Thanks again for your feedback, much appreciated.

[rgs2001uk]

I told her when we met that I had 2 grown children already and did not want any more.

I also said that I did not know if I would ever change my mind.

Ah, the age old question, why when a man meets a woman he doesnt want her to change, why when a woman meets a man she thinks she can change him?

[billd766]

Actually being dead is not really a problem to you though it may be to the rest of the family.

Not a problem but a worry... well that is if you fear death.. perhaps you don't... if so, i envy you. I enjoy life too much to not find the thought of it ending extremely depressing. Perhaps this is something you become more at ease with the older you get.

I used to worry when I was younger how awful it would be when I would be 40 or 50 and how my life would be more than half over. I passed those 2 points and got to 60 and looked back on my life and though how great it had been.

Then I thought to myself well you are only 60, you aren't dead nor anything approaching that yet so just get on and enjoy the rest of your life as you know that one day you are going to die and when it comes, it comes. You can't run away and hide. That was the year my son was born in Thailand and it has given me something else to look forward to every day.

I could have stayed single ot loosely married and been a bar hog all day every day as some people are but I don't have the time to waste doing that as there are too many other things I want to do in the next 20 years.

All I can say about dying is I hope I get a little notice and I go painlessly and quickly. If not then sh1t happens and I wil deal with it then.

It is Sunday and the family have all buggered off somewhere, I have done the laundry, ironed my sons school clothes for the week, tidied up the house a bit, written a bit more of my life story, cooked a traditional Sunday lunch of homemade bacon, sausage meat and a couple of fried eggs, gone online to TVF and I can relax for a bit.

Remember LAGAYMI

Life's As Good As You Make It

[allucero]

I met a thai lady at 52 and we had a child together, she was 35 and no children. I was 52 and had 2 children from a previous marriage. We now live in America and my child is 10 and my grand children (6) are about the same age. I am now 62 and retired tried to live in Thailand but it did not work out. We are very happy in owur no 10 years of marriage.. I don't know the future but I am having fun and have someone who is honest and loves me... What more can a 62 year old want?

[woodyleonhard]

perhaps a better question would be "What is it like to have a adolescence child at mid 60s"

It's GREAT. My first son, now 24, was the joy (and sometimes the bane) of my life. An amazing kid.

My second son, now two and a half, was the best decision I ever made. He'll see so many things I never will.

I'm in my 60s.

If you're too old, you know it. If you're young, regardless of age, why not? Don't let the world decide for you. Grab life by the balls and do what you think is right.

P.S. As stated many times before, OP, it sounds like you've already made the decision. Fair enough. Parenting isn't for everybody - at any age.

[PoorSucker]

I'm 45 and had my first and her(30) first 1,5 years ago.

I matured late.

Benjamin when 9 months.

[how241]

I nearly vomit at the thought of starting again with a new born.

Do you need anything else to confirm.

+1

[473geo]

I have really enjoyed this thread, the majority of those that have children later in life do not see having children as an issue but an ongoing enjoyble experience. Those who it would appear have not yet had the opportunuity to experience this situation attempt to 'envisage' the pitfalls and give mostly negative response, very interesting thread, puts me in mind of that well worn but exceptionally informative phrase......"You had to be there"

Edited January 27, 2013 by 473geo

[billd766]

I have really enjoyed this thread, the majority of those that have children later in life do not see having children as an issue but an ongoing enjoyble experience. Those who it would appear have not yet had the opportunuity to experience this situation attempt to 'envisage' the pitfalls and give mostly negative response, very interesting thread, puts me in mind of that well worn but exceptionally informative phrase......"You had to be there"

You are correct says one who has been and still is there and thoroughly enjoying it.

[thaibeachlovers]

I have really enjoyed this thread, the majority of those that have children later in life do not see having children as an issue but an ongoing enjoyble experience. Those who it would appear have not yet had the opportunuity to experience this situation attempt to 'envisage' the pitfalls and give mostly negative response, very interesting thread, puts me in mind of that well worn but exceptionally informative phrase......"You had to be there"

What you seem to forget is that we all have experience of having been children ourselves. Those of us that had a positive experience of being a child in a family will no doubt have a different opinion than those of us that had a bad family life.

What anyone considering having a child when old is how they would have felt if their father was over 60 when they were still at school. Children aren't pets and having children isn't just about yourself.

[thaibeachlovers]

Usual blinkered advice from those who never had children in their 50's I guess, some may even have non at all, amazing isn't it......

You failed to give your advice...

I'm all for taking life by the tail and giving it a good swing, no reason the OP can't do it, unless he doesn't want to...then don't!! Really is that simple, would I do it? yes, I have, I did, and life is good, and I agree with the poster who says leaving a wife with two grown kids when you do depart this life, is far better than leaving her alone.....of course this buggers up the 'selfish' comments a bit don't you think?

You are assuming that the children will support their mother. Worth remembering that many western children can't be bothered with their parents when they get old. Even Thai kids can be ungrateful ratbags- I know.

[473geo]

Usual blinkered advice from those who never had children in their 50's I guess, some may even have non at all, amazing isn't it......

You failed to give your advice...

I'm all for taking life by the tail and giving it a good swing, no reason the OP can't do it, unless he doesn't want to...then don't!! Really is that simple, would I do it? yes, I have, I did, and life is good, and I agree with the poster who says leaving a wife with two grown kids when you do depart this life, is far better than leaving her alone.....of course this buggers up the 'selfish' comments a bit don't you think?

You are assuming that the children will support their mother. Worth remembering that many western children can't be bothered with their parents when they get old. Even Thai kids can be ungrateful ratbags- I know.

You are wrongly assuming my wife cannot support herself!! I have very confidence my chidren will be there for her in her old age, ratbags they are not.

[thaibeachlovers]

You failed to give your advice...

I'm all for taking life by the tail and giving it a good swing, no reason the OP can't do it, unless he doesn't want to...then don't!! Really is that simple, would I do it? yes, I have, I did, and life is good, and I agree with the poster who says leaving a wife with two grown kids when you do depart this life, is far better than leaving her alone.....of course this buggers up the 'selfish' comments a bit don't you think?

You are assuming that the children will support their mother. Worth remembering that many western children can't be bothered with their parents when they get old. Even Thai kids can be ungrateful ratbags- I know.

You are wrongly assuming my wife cannot support herself!! I have very confidence my chidren will be there for her in her old age, ratbags they are not.

Sorry, I shouldn't have referenced YOUR children- I don't know them. However, in general, children are not guaranteed to be the dutiful offspring these days.

Modified to allow posting.

[TommoPhysicist]

What anyone considering having a child when old is how they would have felt if their father was over 60 when they were still at school. Children aren't pets and having children isn't just about yourself.

My father was 60 when I was still at school, my mother was 60 when I started Uni, both were dead when I was 23. I didn't find it a problem and any time during my childhood, but would have liked them around a little bit longer.

Been the same for generations in my family (since the 1700s), all army that started families after retirement.

Edited January 28, 2013 by TommoPhysicist

[tmd5855]

how old is your g/f .. when your child is 10 years old you will be 50 .. and then 70 ..is this fair to the child to lose a father so young ....

<deleted> post

i lost a parent young, nothing <deleted> about it

My father died when I were 10. Not nice for me, but I keep the few memories i have from then till now. If you are a good parent. You never die in the eyes of your children, always loved.

[473geo]

Sorry, I shouldn't have referenced YOUR children- I don't know them. However, in general, children are not guaranteed to be the dutiful offspring these days.

Modified to allow posting.

No harm done, I agree there are signs in some countries that children are not prepared to shoulder the burden of responsibilty for aged parents, this is one of the good things I like about Thailand, the strength of the family unit, I have witnessed this many times. Yes in some areas of life the 'duty' which is instilled while young may be a slight handicap, but I love to see the way the Thai quietly look out for each other. and are there when the need is greatest. But perhaps I am just lucky, I would expect this is not the case for all, but perhaps from my experience for many. When you have children you quickly realise the importance of the interaction and contribution of your 'extended' family, Edited January 28, 2013 by 473geo

[tmd5855]

how old is your g/f .. when your child is 10 years old you will be 50 .. and then 70 ..is this fair to the child to lose a father so young ....

<deleted> post

i lost a parent young, nothing <deleted> about it

My father died when I were 10. Not nice for me, but I keep the few memories i have from then till now. If you are a good parent. You never die in the eyes of your children, always loved.

Forgot to add my father died 48 years ago this April 10th. You always miss a good parent but do not let it stop you giving a child a warm family unit with love and security.

[billd766]

I have really enjoyed this thread, the majority of those that have children later in life do not see having children as an issue but an ongoing enjoyble experience. Those who it would appear have not yet had the opportunuity to experience this situation attempt to 'envisage' the pitfalls and give mostly negative response, very interesting thread, puts me in mind of that well worn but exceptionally informative phrase......"You had to be there"

What you seem to forget is that we all have experience of having been children ourselves. Those of us that had a positive experience of being a child in a family will no doubt have a different opinion than those of us that had a bad family life.

What anyone considering having a child when old is how they would have felt if their father was over 60 when they were still at school. Children aren't pets and having children isn't just about yourself.

Speeaking from experience I felt then and still feel happy now about life. When my Dad was 60 I was 5 and he died 2 months before my 15th birthday. I didn't know any different and I didn't feel any different. Other Dad's could do things my Dad couldn't and vice versa. It is just a thing you live with. I was quite happy living with my Mum and Dad and now I have an 8 year old son it still isn't all about me and never has been.

[loong]

Would be a very big mistake to do something that makes you want to vomit for any reason.

What happens after the child is born and becomes the center of your wife's world? Did you take up with her for yourself, or so that she can have a child at your expense?

No brainer to me. Don't, or you'll be thinking "why did I do that stupid thing" when it's too late. Can't sell a child if you don't like the result.

Also, there is more risk to have a genetic defect if a parent is old.

Unlike in the country you left behind, there really are "plenty of fish in the sea" in Thailand if she won't accept your wishes.

"Also, there is more risk to have a genetic defect if a parent is old."

I'm not sure, but I thought that the age of the Mother increased the risk, not the Father

[TommoPhysicist]

Also, there is more risk to have a genetic defect if a parent is old.

Unlike in the country you left behind, there really are "plenty of fish in the sea" in Thailand if she won't accept your wishes.

I'm not sure, but I thought that the age of the Mother increased the risk, not the Father

Actually less chance of getting the genetic problems that kill you young.

Mainly because your dad clearly didn't have them.

[meadish_sweetball]

Would be a very big mistake to do something that makes you want to vomit for any reason.

What happens after the child is born and becomes the center of your wife's world? Did you take up with her for yourself, or so that she can have a child at your expense?

No brainer to me. Don't, or you'll be thinking "why did I do that stupid thing" when it's too late. Can't sell a child if you don't like the result.

Also, there is more risk to have a genetic defect if a parent is old.

Unlike in the country you left behind, there really are "plenty of fish in the sea" in Thailand if she won't accept your wishes.

"Also, there is more risk to have a genetic defect if a parent is old."

I'm not sure, but I thought that the age of the Mother increased the risk, not the Father

When it comes to the risk of bipolar disorder and schizophrenia, the father's age is a factor:

http://news.bbc.co.u...lth/7591513.stm

http://news.bbc.co.u...lth/1273505.stm

[nontabury]

Surely each person is different,some men are old,physically and mentally old while still in their 30's,other men can be still young when in their 70's or even 80's,and this goes for both mentally and physically,rare but it does occur.Lets not forget that many marriages with young people collapse after just a few years,sometimes leaving the children with no further contact, or with very limited contact with their father,perhaps in some of these cases, as far as the child is concerned,his father is no longer there,just the same as if he were dead.One good thing in being an older parent,is that you do not have to share your time between your job and your child,if you are a good father you can give 100% of your time to your child,and what more can a child want,just ask them.

The one problem I see in having children at a older age,is the same problem for younger fathers,money. How is your wife going to cope looking after your children in the event of your death,be it as a old or younger person,or in the event of divorce.

Yes, death is more likely to occur when you become older,but hopefully by that stage in your life you have managed to acquire

sufficient assets including property and money etc,that in the event of your death,your dependents will be financially secure,would this automatically be the case with a younger man,I don't think so.Perhaps a case could be made for recommending that men only produce children after attaining the age of 50,I personally would not agree with that,and equally I think it can be just as good for the children as well as the father,when the father is over 50.

It all depends on the individual.

Edited January 30, 2013 by nontabury

[thaibeachlovers]

Would be a very big mistake to do something that makes you want to vomit for any reason.

What happens after the child is born and becomes the center of your wife's world? Did you take up with her for yourself, or so that she can have a child at your expense?

No brainer to me. Don't, or you'll be thinking "why did I do that stupid thing" when it's too late. Can't sell a child if you don't like the result.

Also, there is more risk to have a genetic defect if a parent is old.

Unlike in the country you left behind, there really are "plenty of fish in the sea" in Thailand if she won't accept your wishes.

"Also, there is more risk to have a genetic defect if a parent is old."

I'm not sure, but I thought that the age of the Mother increased the risk, not the Father

See post #83.

As we age, genetic mutations increase, which can be passed on. Male and female parents supply equal parts of DNA to the new person.

Of course, our bodies are designed to cease working at a much earlier age than modern medicine allows now, which is why hospitals are full of old people.

[thaibeachlovers]

Sorry, I shouldn't have referenced YOUR children- I don't know them. However, in general, children are not guaranteed to be the dutiful offspring these days.

Modified to allow posting.

No harm done, I agree there are signs in some countries that children are not prepared to shoulder the burden of responsibilty for aged parents, this is one of the good things I like about Thailand, the strength of the family unit, I have witnessed this many times. Yes in some areas of life the 'duty' which is instilled while young may be a slight handicap, but I love to see the way the Thai quietly look out for each other. and are there when the need is greatest. But perhaps I am just lucky, I would expect this is not the case for all, but perhaps from my experience for many. When you have children you quickly realise the importance of the interaction and contribution of your 'extended' family,

Perhaps my extended Thai family is the exception, but I doubt my Thai nephew will be the dutiful supporter when his parents need him to be so. Of course, they should have tried for a daughter.

My wife is prepared to support her mother, but unfortunately the MIL won't move out of the village, and there is no work there for my wife, which is a real problem.

I don't know what the solution is.

[thaibeachlovers]

Surely each person is different,some men are old,physically and mentally old while still in their 30's,other men can be still young when in their 70's or even 80's,and this goes for both mentally and physically,rare but it does occur.Lets not forget that many marriages with young people collapse after just a few years,sometimes leaving the children with no further contact, or with very limited contact with their father,perhaps in some of these cases, as far as the child is concerned,his father is no longer there,just the same as if he were dead.One good thing in being an older parent,is that you do not have to share your time between your job and your child,if you are a good father you can give 100% of your time to your child,and what more can a child want,just ask them.

The one problem I see in having children at a older age,is the same problem for younger fathers,money. How is your wife going to cope looking after your children in the event of your death,be it as a old or younger person,or in the event of divorce.

Yes, death is more likely to occur when you become older,but hopefully by that stage in your life you have managed to acquire

sufficient assets including property and money etc,that in the event of your death,your dependents will be financially secure,would this automatically be the case with a younger man,I don't think so.Perhaps a case could be made for recommending that men only produce children after attaining the age of 50,I personally would not agree with that,and equally I think it can be just as good for the children as well as the father,when the father is over 50.

It all depends on the individual.

As I remember my schooldays, had anyone turned up with a father that was more like a grandfather, they would have been harrassed mercilessly about it. Children are often extremely cruel.

[TommoPhysicist]

Sorry, I shouldn't have referenced YOUR children- I don't know them. However, in general, children are not guaranteed to be the dutiful offspring these days.

Modified to allow posting.

No harm done, I agree there are signs in some countries that children are not prepared to shoulder the burden of responsibilty for aged parents, this is one of the good things I like about Thailand, the strength of the family unit, I have witnessed this many times. Yes in some areas of life the 'duty' which is instilled while young may be a slight handicap, but I love to see the way the Thai quietly look out for each other. and are there when the need is greatest. But perhaps I am just lucky, I would expect this is not the case for all, but perhaps from my experience for many. When you have children you quickly realise the importance of the interaction and contribution of your 'extended' family,

Perhaps my extended Thai family is the exception, but I doubt my Thai nephew will be the dutiful supporter when his parents need him to be so. Of course, they should have tried for a daughter.

My wife is prepared to support her mother, but unfortunately the MIL won't move out of the village, and there is no work there for my wife, which is a real problem.

I don't know what the solution is.

You support the entire family, for the rest of your life and beyond, is the clear and obvious answer.

[thaibeachlovers]

Sorry, I shouldn't have referenced YOUR children- I don't know them. However, in general, children are not guaranteed to be the dutiful offspring these days.

Modified to allow posting.

No harm done, I agree there are signs in some countries that children are not prepared to shoulder the burden of responsibilty for aged parents, this is one of the good things I like about Thailand, the strength of the family unit, I have witnessed this many times. Yes in some areas of life the 'duty' which is instilled while young may be a slight handicap, but I love to see the way the Thai quietly look out for each other. and are there when the need is greatest. But perhaps I am just lucky, I would expect this is not the case for all, but perhaps from my experience for many. When you have children you quickly realise the importance of the interaction and contribution of your 'extended' family,

Perhaps my extended Thai family is the exception, but I doubt my Thai nephew will be the dutiful supporter when his parents need him to be so. Of course, they should have tried for a daughter.

My wife is prepared to support her mother, but unfortunately the MIL won't move out of the village, and there is no work there for my wife, which is a real problem.

I don't know what the solution is.

You support the entire family, for the rest of your life and beyond, is the clear and obvious answer.

LOL.

I only married my wife after she accepted that I would not support any of the extended family, and that she would continue to work. Perhaps that makes me an exception to the rule that farangs are walking ATMs, but so be it.

[TommoPhysicist]

LOL.

I only married my wife after she accepted that I would not support any of the extended family, and that she would continue to work. Perhaps that makes me an exception to the rule that farangs are walking ATMs, but so be it.

and yet ..................