Failed Relationships And Repeating Past Mistakes...

[scorecard]

Crazy story, scorecard. The sex must have been fantastic for the guy to try it a second time. But, abused women in Canada very often keep repeating the same mistake over and over again. They subconsciously choose wife beaters as mates. It usually relates back to an abusive childhood.

Research has proven your point about women and men seeking out violent partners because of earlier family history.

I recall a case where a girl got marrried and after 6 months she left her husband.

When asked why she replied "I don't think he loves me or wants me, because he doesn't beat me".

And the truth is that domestic violence, emotional violence, incest, etc., is much more prevalent in all societies than the general population realizes.

I have a friend (in a western country) who has worked in this area all his life. Occasionally he opens up (no names) and shares some of the horror stories, often detailing shocking situations / scenarios that personally I had never even heard or dreamt of.

He occasionally shares, usually in tears, stories of children being bashed and sexually violated by parents, even cases of mothers holding down young girls and young boys whilst the husband violates them.

Edited February 11, 2013 by scorecard

[scorecard]

There is no accounting for the stupid choices people make and then to top it off they cry “Why me?”. The mind does boggle sometimes.

True and it can go even further.

Decades ago a neighborhood family had a gay son who was very very flamboyant (not being judgemental about that, his choice, and he of course has every right to behavior like this if he wants). He used to deliberately go alone to drinking huants frequented by large numbers of labourers and to a football club known for it's macho attitudes (nothing against labourers or footballers) and deliberately 'touch up' the ultra macho men.

Why, he enjoyed being bashed, and he deliberately set up situations where he believed his actions would generate a bashing, perhaps even a bashing by several people.

Unusual but his choice.

Edited February 11, 2013 by scorecard

[NeverSure]

-snip-

PS Im a self admitted Chauvenist Pig and I like it that way a women's place is in the kitchen

Never get any then, do you...

[hearditallbefore]

What do sex and air have in common? Neither are very important unless you're not getting any !!!!!!!!!!

Really though, many Thai men I know, and a lot of men in general, feel sex and love are two different things, that may or may not be interwoven. So your ex may still have loved you, and he may have just wanted a little 'strange' on the side. I'm not saying it's right, it's just that way for some.

He may also have wanted to do something sexually that he knows you wouldn't do, or wouldn't like.

It's also another way men justify having a mia noi or gik. They feel that they love their "family" but want some excitement on the side. Some women are guilty of all of the above as well.

[rene123]

What do sex and air have in common? Neither are very important unless you're not getting any !!!!!!!!!!

Really though, many Thai men I know, and a lot of men in general, feel sex and love are two different things, that may or may not be interwoven. So your ex may still have loved you, and he may have just wanted a little 'strange' on the side. I'm not saying it's right, it's just that way for some.

He may also have wanted to do something sexually that he knows you wouldn't do, or wouldn't like.

It's also another way men justify having a mia noi or gik. They feel that they love their "family" but want some excitement on the side. Some women are guilty of all of the above as well.

I've thought of that as well, but at the time I was REALLY angry and hurt. In many ways I'm more angry with the woman who I thought was a friend. I understand that many men by nature are just randy. But, friends shouldn't screw their friend's boyfriends or husbands, just as you don't steal things that don't belong to you, just because they are available at the time.

[diddums]

Wow...scorecard has some interesting tales to tell.

Scary what human beings can do....especially to the vulnerable.

[theblether]

When I wake in the morning I think about how I'm going to make my girlfriends day better, then I set about doing so. Most days it works, some days it backfires......but at least I try.

When my lady does the same for me then I know I've knocked it off......I had 14 superb years with my ex-wife and I am thankful for every minute of that. In the end we stopped waking up at trying to make each others day better, I don't know why, it just happened.

It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.

[David48]

I understand what you mean theblether.

Sometimes couples just simply grow apart.

Investing time in each other and each others interests is all important.

When I was at the GF's recently, it was directly onder the flight parth to Swampy.

I developed an interest in Plane Spotting ... but I couldn't have been half as successful without her help.

She didn't give a rats about the planes ... she grew up with them ... but I had an interest ... so she supported my interest ... even 'spotting' when I missed something.

But it's a two-way street ... the favour will be repayed.

You do need some glue occassionaly to keep the relationship together.

Sometimes 'love' is just not enough ... a little bit of glue helps sometimes ...

.

[MAJIC]

What do sex and air have in common? Neither are very important unless you're not getting any !!!!!!!!!!

Really though, many Thai men I know, and a lot of men in general, feel sex and love are two different things, that may or may not be interwoven. So your ex may still have loved you, and he may have just wanted a little 'strange' on the side. I'm not saying it's right, it's just that way for some.

He may also have wanted to do something sexually that he knows you wouldn't do, or wouldn't like.

It's also another way men justify having a mia noi or gik. They feel that they love their "family" but want some excitement on the side. Some women are guilty of all of the above as well.

I've thought of that as well, but at the time I was REALLY angry and hurt. In many ways I'm more angry with the woman who I thought was a friend. I understand that many men by nature are just randy. But, friends shouldn't screw their friend's boyfriends or husbands, just as you don't steal things that don't belong to you, just because they are available at the time.

With friends like that you don't need enemies,I once had an aquaintence called Jason,who freely admitted to all,that his speciality was befriending a man,so that he could concentrate on bedding his wife or girlfriend! apparently he got his high from the chase,afterwards he'd dump the woman and and move on to his next victim. Despicable character,hopefully Karma will ensure he comes to sticky end!

[transam]

What do sex and air have in common? Neither are very important unless you're not getting any !!!!!!!!!!

Really though, many Thai men I know, and a lot of men in general, feel sex and love are two different things, that may or may not be interwoven. So your ex may still have loved you, and he may have just wanted a little 'strange' on the side. I'm not saying it's right, it's just that way for some.

He may also have wanted to do something sexually that he knows you wouldn't do, or wouldn't like.

It's also another way men justify having a mia noi or gik. They feel that they love their "family" but want some excitement on the side. Some women are guilty of all of the above as well.

I've thought of that as well, but at the time I was REALLY angry and hurt. In many ways I'm more angry with the woman who I thought was a friend. I understand that many men by nature are just randy. But, friends shouldn't screw their friend's boyfriends or husbands, just as you don't steal things that don't belong to you, just because they are available at the time.

With friends like that you don't need enemies,I once had an aquaintence called Jason,who freely admitted to all,that his speciality was befriending a man,so that he could concentrate on bedding his wife or girlfriend! apparently he got his high from the chase,afterwards he'd dump the woman and and move on to his next victim. Despicable character,hopefully Karma will ensure he comes to sticky end!

Hmmmmmmmmmm, indeed.

[theblether]

I understand what you mean theblether.

Sometimes couples just simply grow apart.

Investing time in each other and each others interests is all important.

When I was at the GF's recently, it was directly onder the flight parth to Swampy.

I developed an interest in Plane Spotting ... but I couldn't have been half as successful without her help.

She didn't give a rats about the planes ... she grew up with them ... but I had an interest ... so she supported my interest ... even 'spotting' when I missed something.

But it's a two-way street ... the favour will be repayed.

You do need some glue occassionaly to keep the relationship together.

Sometimes 'love' is just not enough ... a little bit of glue helps sometimes ...

.

You can't beat a shared interest

[diddums]

What do sex and air have in common? Neither are very important unless you're not getting any !!!!!!!!!!

Really though, many Thai men I know, and a lot of men in general, feel sex and love are two different things, that may or may not be interwoven. So your ex may still have loved you, and he may have just wanted a little 'strange' on the side. I'm not saying it's right, it's just that way for some.

He may also have wanted to do something sexually that he knows you wouldn't do, or wouldn't like.

It's also another way men justify having a mia noi or gik. They feel that they love their "family" but want some excitement on the side. Some women are guilty of all of the above as well.

I've thought of that as well, but at the time I was REALLY angry and hurt. In many ways I'm more angry with the woman who I thought was a friend. I understand that many men by nature are just randy. But, friends shouldn't screw their friend's boyfriends or husbands, just as you don't steal things that don't belong to you, just because they are available at the time.

With friends like that you don't need enemies,I once had an aquaintence called Jason,who freely admitted to all,that his speciality was befriending a man,so that he could concentrate on bedding his wife or girlfriend! apparently he got his high from the chase,afterwards he'd dump the woman and and move on to his next victim. Despicable character,hopefully Karma will ensure he comes to sticky end!

Takes 2 to tango...

[MAJIC]

What do sex and air have in common? Neither are very important unless you're not getting any !!!!!!!!!!

Really though, many Thai men I know, and a lot of men in general, feel sex and love are two different things, that may or may not be interwoven. So your ex may still have loved you, and he may have just wanted a little 'strange' on the side. I'm not saying it's right, it's just that way for some.

He may also have wanted to do something sexually that he knows you wouldn't do, or wouldn't like.

It's also another way men justify having a mia noi or gik. They feel that they love their "family" but want some excitement on the side. Some women are guilty of all of the above as well.

I've thought of that as well, but at the time I was REALLY angry and hurt. In many ways I'm more angry with the woman who I thought was a friend. I understand that many men by nature are just randy. But, friends shouldn't screw their friend's boyfriends or husbands, just as you don't steal things that don't belong to you, just because they are available at the time.

With friends like that you don't need enemies,I once had an aquaintence called Jason,who freely admitted to all,that his speciality was befriending a man,so that he could concentrate on bedding his wife or girlfriend! apparently he got his high from the chase,afterwards he'd dump the woman and and move on to his next victim. Despicable character,hopefully Karma will ensure he comes to sticky end!

Takes 2 to tango...

True! but not if your supposed friend is doing a Foxtrot!

[villagefarang]

That whole friend thing happens much more often than one might think.

[TommoPhysicist]

When I wake in the morning I think about how I'm going to make my girlfriends day better, then I set about doing so. Most days it works, some days it backfires......but at least I try.

When I wake up in the morning, I shag the misses then go off for the day with all my mates, same as all the other Thai guys.

Blether, you think too mut.

[muythai2013]

of coarse these relationships breakdown, most of them are a bussiness transaction, nothing short of a joke.

[theblether]

When I wake in the morning I think about how I'm going to make my girlfriends day better, then I set about doing so. Most days it works, some days it backfires......but at least I try.

When I wake up in the morning, I shag the misses then go off for the day with all my mates, same as all the other Thai guys.

Blether, you think too mut.

You have mates??.......I've heard it all now.

[rene123]

of coarse these relationships breakdown, most of them are a bussiness transaction, nothing short of a joke.

Many "arranged" Indian marriages are no more than business transactions and most of them last for years. Many of my girl friends back in Canada told me they were going to marry some wealthy guy and they did everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) in their power to get one. There was never any discussion about falling in love. So, I think it is the same the world over.

[muythai2013]

of coarse these relationships breakdown, most of them are a bussiness transaction, nothing short of a joke.

Many "arranged" Indian marriages are no more than business transactions and most of them last for years. Many of my girl friends back in Canada told me they were going to marry some wealthy guy and they did everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) in their power to get one. There was never any discussion about falling in love. So, I think it is the same the world over.

dont count indian and the surrounding nations, many are forced, are not even of legal age, and are either scared to leave or have no where to go if they do leave.

of coarse they last when the street is your only way out, have you been to the real areas of india, or are you watching to many Bollywood flicks.

[thaibeachlovers]

I think you touched on a very good point, loong. Making your spouse feel special after a long relationship is something I think many people lose and it can cost them. I also agree with the boring bit. That happens with most relationships. After looking back, I don't think I made my ex-husband feel special enough. That is why I found him in bed with another woman. But, maybe he just didn't value our marriage enough. I'll never know. I actually blame the woman more than my ex.

If you must blame, blame "nature", as humans we live with the duality of nature and culture, monogomy is not a natural state, even animals that 'mate for life", have sex and offspring by different suiters. As for "love'? it never dies, it just moves on.

"Love" never lasts, which is why one should marry a friend and not a lover.

[thaibeachlovers]

Crazy story, scorecard. The sex must have been fantastic for the guy to try it a second time. But, abused women in Canada very often keep repeating the same mistake over and over again. They subconsciously choose wife beaters as mates. It usually relates back to an abusive childhood.

Somewhat off topic, but there is a lot of truth in the old adage "nice guys get washed away". I am constantly dumfounded by the number of women that chase bad men, and then seem surprised when it turns to poo. Meanwhile, nice but boring men are ignored.

[rene123]

of coarse these relationships breakdown, most of them are a bussiness transaction, nothing short of a joke.

Many "arranged" Indian marriages are no more than business transactions and most of them last for years. Many of my girl friends back in Canada told me they were going to marry some wealthy guy and they did everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) in their power to get one. There was never any discussion about falling in love. So, I think it is the same the world over.

dont count indian and the surrounding nations, many are forced, are not even of legal age, and are either scared to leave or have no where to go if they do leave.

of coarse they last when the street is your only way out, have you been to the real areas of india, or are you watching to many Bollywood flicks.

I never said anything about couples who stay together being happy. There are many, many marriages that last forever, and yet neither of the spouses are truly happy. I don't watch movies, but I do read a lot. I do know some of the dreadful practises that go on in India and many Islamic countries. I'm just saying that many marriages in high society are more for financial reasons than anything else.

But, the topic was how many people REPEAT the same mistakes over and over again, and yet expect different results. For some strange reason, many women are attracted to the "bad boys" in society. I know several of my friends were, and they were always getting burned when the relationships failed. No amount of talking to beforehand seemed to change their mind.

[TommoPhysicist]

I never said anything about couples who stay together being happy. There are many, many marriages that last forever, and yet neither of the spouses are truly happy.

Less than 50% stay together and falling.

If the remaining less than 50% are staying together in misery ........ oh dear.

But, the topic was how many people REPEAT the same mistakes over and over again, and yet expect different results. For some strange reason, many women are attracted to the "bad boys" in society. I know several of my friends were, and they were always getting burned when the relationships failed. No amount of talking to beforehand seemed to change their mind.

I admit, I have poor taste in marriage partner, so I allowed someone else to choose my current wife.

Yep, I'm in a traditional arranged Thai marriage, five years, so far so good.

Arranged marriage is a good thing, if it doesn't work out, you can blame someone else.

Edited February 12, 2013 by TommoPhysicist

[scorecard]

What do sex and air have in common? Neither are very important unless you're not getting any !!!!!!!!!!

Really though, many Thai men I know, and a lot of men in general, feel sex and love are two different things, that may or may not be interwoven. So your ex may still have loved you, and he may have just wanted a little 'strange' on the side. I'm not saying it's right, it's just that way for some.

He may also have wanted to do something sexually that he knows you wouldn't do, or wouldn't like.

It's also another way men justify having a mia noi or gik. They feel that they love their "family" but want some excitement on the side. Some women are guilty of all of the above as well.

I've thought of that as well, but at the time I was REALLY angry and hurt. In many ways I'm more angry with the woman who I thought was a friend. I understand that many men by nature are just randy. But, friends shouldn't screw their friend's boyfriends or husbands, just as you don't steal things that don't belong to you, just because they are available at the time.

With friends like that you don't need enemies,I once had an aquaintence called Jason,who freely admitted to all,that his speciality was befriending a man,so that he could concentrate on bedding his wife or girlfriend! apparently he got his high from the chase,afterwards he'd dump the woman and and move on to his next victim. Despicable character,hopefully Karma will ensure he comes to sticky end!

I've seen this before also, but in reverse, the woman concerned, late 30's, hot, good body, married, chased young men just married, got her way then dumped the young men, broke up several marriages.

Her husband (her own age) wasn't concerned, he was too busy focusing on his business, as long as the wifes activities kept her out of his hair he was not bothered.

I also recall a twist of this, a situation shared by some gay friends; straight lady, middle aged, a nurse, face scarred badly by acne, alcohlic, took herself to gay bars (this is a western country) and tried every night to pick up very effiminate teenage boys. Not interested in anything long-term, just wanted one time only sex conquests.

Edited February 12, 2013 by scorecard

[MAJIC]

What do sex and air have in common? Neither are very important unless you're not getting any !!!!!!!!!!

Really though, many Thai men I know, and a lot of men in general, feel sex and love are two different things, that may or may not be interwoven. So your ex may still have loved you, and he may have just wanted a little 'strange' on the side. I'm not saying it's right, it's just that way for some.

He may also have wanted to do something sexually that he knows you wouldn't do, or wouldn't like.

It's also another way men justify having a mia noi or gik. They feel that they love their "family" but want some excitement on the side. Some women are guilty of all of the above as well.

I've thought of that as well, but at the time I was REALLY angry and hurt. In many ways I'm more angry with the woman who I thought was a friend. I understand that many men by nature are just randy. But, friends shouldn't screw their friend's boyfriends or husbands, just as you don't steal things that don't belong to you, just because they are available at the time.

With friends like that you don't need enemies,I once had an aquaintence called Jason,who freely admitted to all,that his speciality was befriending a man,so that he could concentrate on bedding his wife or girlfriend! apparently he got his high from the chase,afterwards he'd dump the woman and and move on to his next victim. Despicable character,hopefully Karma will ensure he comes to sticky end!

I've seen this before also, but in reverse, the woman concerned, late 30's, hot, good body, married, chased young men just married, got her way then dumped the young men, broke up several marriages.

Her husband (her own age) wasn't concerned, he was too busy focusing on his business, as long as the wifes activities kept her out of his hair he was not bothered.

I also recall a twist of this, a situation shared by some gay friends; straight lady, middle aged, a nurse, face scarred badly by acne, alcohlic, took herself to gay bars (this is a western country) and tried every night to pick up very effiminate teenage boys. Not interested in anything long-term, just wanted one time only sex conquests.

The devastation they leave behind them is shocking,and i'm not easily shocked!

[muythai2013]

of coarse these relationships breakdown, most of them are a bussiness transaction, nothing short of a joke.

Many "arranged" Indian marriages are no more than business transactions and most of them last for years. Many of my girl friends back in Canada told me they were going to marry some wealthy guy and they did everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) in their power to get one. There was never any discussion about falling in love. So, I think it is the same the world over.

dont count indian and the surrounding nations, many are forced, are not even of legal age, and are either scared to leave or have no where to go if they do leave.

of coarse they last when the street is your only way out, have you been to the real areas of india, or are you watching to many Bollywood flicks.

I never said anything about couples who stay together being happy. There are many, many marriages that last forever, and yet neither of the spouses are truly happy. I don't watch movies, but I do read a lot. I do know some of the dreadful practises that go on in India and many Islamic countries. I'm just saying that many marriages in high society are more for financial reasons than anything else.

But, the topic was how many people REPEAT the same mistakes over and over again, and yet expect different results. For some strange reason, many women are attracted to the "bad boys" in society. I know several of my friends were, and they were always getting burned when the relationships failed. No amount of talking to beforehand seemed to change their mind.

very true, but after being burned often the ladies grow out of that.

[muythai2013]

I never said anything about couples who stay together being happy. There are many, many marriages that last forever, and yet neither of the spouses are truly happy.

Less than 50% stay together and falling.

If the remaining less than 50% are staying together in misery ........ oh dear.

But, the topic was how many people REPEAT the same mistakes over and over again, and yet expect different results. For some strange reason, many women are attracted to the "bad boys" in society. I know several of my friends were, and they were always getting burned when the relationships failed. No amount of talking to beforehand seemed to change their mind.

I admit, I have poor taste in marriage partner, so I allowed someone else to choose my current wife.

Yep, I'm in a traditional arranged Thai marriage, five years, so far so good.

Arranged marriage is a good thing, if it doesn't work out, you can blame someone else.

someone chose your wife, how did that work, could you start a detailed thread about it, its an interesting and very unusual story

[David48]

... so I allowed someone else to choose my current wife.

Yep, I'm in a traditional arranged Thai marriage, five years, so far so good.

Arranged marriage is a good thing, if it doesn't work out, you can blame someone else.

someone chose your wife, how did that work, could you start a detailed thread about it, its an interesting and very unusual story

I agree with muythai2013 on this ... a ripper of a yarn and a story to share for sure.

Maybe not in General though ...

So, maybe TommoPhysicist could you expand on the above statement in your own thread ... just so the discussion doesn't take away from the OP?

.

[bangkokburning]

Most of us are prisoners of our pasts. It is not easy to modify behavior especially would seem for most Thai expats especially those not desiring a relationship.

Hats off to alcoholics who stop drinking - what a burden to face. Not only the alcohol, but facing life.

I've been toying with writing a self help book for years. My challenges with living here, going from playboy to married guy. Behavior, how to snag a great lady...

[theblether]

Most of us are prisoners of our pasts. It is not easy to modify behavior especially would seem for most Thai expats especially those not desiring a relationship.

Hats off to alcoholics who stop drinking - what a burden to face. Not only the alcohol, but facing life.

I've been toying with writing a self help book for years. My challenges with living here, going from playboy to married guy. Behavior, how to snag a great lady...

You're going to write a self help book?

Seriously, I mean, really, seriously, I really have heard it all now