Your Bike Is My Bike, What Would You Have Done?

[scorecard]

Recently I watched the joint effort from in village to create a wedding feast, party, entertainment etc. The utensils for cooking and eating were supplied from the 'village' stock set aside for such occasion, the tents and tables were delivered from the local temple, most families in the village had one or more members involved in preparing the food, the local musicians played all day for a very small payment..........this was a great wedding and in those few days a good time was enjoyed by all, a real sense of a community pulling together.........in the grand scheme of things a 30k motorsi being utilised by others does not even warrant comment......unless you wish to be an island......then good luck!.....just remember the thinking in Thailand......do good and good comes to you, it's called belief in karma.........I guess you either believe and chill, or manufacture your own version

The event 473ego has shared contains numerous examples of 'sharing', which is a standard and strong value in Thai society, but more so of course amongst the folks with very few resources. It's a part of everyday life.

A good simple example is the sharing of a packet of cigarettes. The person who purchased the cigarettes expects and usually is very relaxed about sharing, and not necessarily expecting the sharing will be reversed.

Sharing of a motorcycle is not much different.

[TommoPhysicist]

I agree it isa matter of putting your foot down.

My 15 year old neice (who lives with us) needs a motorbike to go to the new school 25kms away at the start of the new school year. So yesterday we bought a new honda, in my wife's name (as no Thai I believe can own a vehicle until 21or 25 years old).

First though I set out the rules.

1. She has to go and get her licence.

2. If she goes outside the village she must always wear a hemut.

3. Nobody but direct family can use it.

4. It must be left at our house, Not other family's houses when she is not using it.

5. It is her responsibility to keep it clean.

Then she was told that breaking of any of the first 4 rules will mean no motorbike, other than for going to and returning from school, for a month. Second offence 2 months.

Now I await the outcome. hopefully what I have said will get through.

I think it will, because she came home last week saying a friend of hers was very scared to go home as another friend borrowed her motorbike and had an accident, where the bike was seriously damaged and could not be driven home.

Let's hope it isn't a new 125cc Honda Wave or Click then, cos you have to be 17 to get a license to ride one over 110cc.

Edited February 17, 2013 by TommoPhysicist

[BB1955]

I had the same thing happen wifes friends came to town wanted to use the car to go sight see and stay in our hotel opps I mean home. Two years ago same girl came didnt tell us how long she was staying or that she was bringing three other people we didnt know and two dogs . Our first year here I thought we were running a hotel .....

This year I told the wife to tell her we were busy and could not have house guests . They ended up in a guest house which suited me fine .... Since then family or not we have adopted the 5 day rule , 5 days and you go home .........And we split the bill when we go out to eat .....

Wife,,,, I think has told all her friends foreigners dont like house guests hahahahah . Third rule we adopted no family members will come live with us .

[Bluetongue]

Why is a 26 year old son living in your house? Kick him out I say, and your problems are over.

Yeah being the tough guy has been tried, it doesn't really work either, once again more problems

I would dump the woman, and find a new one without such unruly baggage.

It's not about being a tough guy, it's about having a nice life.

But some guys are happy to be doormats, up to you.

Well there are several comments all along the lines of dump the bitch, kill the kids, man up blah blah. Firstly I forgive you all, you are hard men and need to keep your repo, and, witness all the havin a go at Miss Farm Girl whose post was really quite relevant and showed that (obviously) she knows how things go down in a family compound. Please Miss Farm Girl continue to post as your comments are gold. I have a nice life and feel something like a Duke, no downgrade that a Squire, now convert to Thai and you have Kamnaan or Poo Yai Bahn something like that. What is a fairly small irritant to me, I described, hoping to get people to say what they would have done at the hot moment, as losing your rag here (in Thailand) is not generally advisable. No-one has done that but there ha been plenty of good advice to go with the bad, thank you

[robblok]

Why is a 26 year old son living in your house? Kick him out I say, and your problems are over.

Yeah being the tough guy has been tried, it doesn't really work either, once again more problems

I would dump the woman, and find a new one without such unruly baggage.

It's not about being a tough guy, it's about having a nice life.

But some guys are happy to be doormats, up to you.

Well there are several comments all along the lines of dump the bitch, kill the kids, man up blah blah. Firstly I forgive you all, you are hard men and need to keep your repo, and, witness all the havin a go at Miss Farm Girl whose post was really quite relevant and showed that (obviously) she knows how things go down in a family compound. Please Miss Farm Girl continue to post as your comments are gold. I have a nice life and feel something like a Duke, no downgrade that a Squire, now convert to Thai and you have Kamnaan or Poo Yai Bahn something like that. What is a fairly small irritant to me, I described, hoping to get people to say what they would have done at the hot moment, as losing your rag here (in Thailand) is not generally advisable. No-one has done that but there ha been plenty of good advice to go with the bad, thank you

Your obvious far more tolerant then me, if I am paying I am setting the rules. I have no problems with loaning out stuff if its cared for. Just have a feeling some people set themselves up to be walked all over.

My wife / gf also Thai does not share Miss Farmgirl her views according to her family still needs to be careful with the stuff they loan or loose the use of it. But this is not even loaning to family. Maybe its better if you just hand out free money. That is in fact what your doing if you foot the bill of repairs and not set any rules.

I get tired of the adapt to Thai this adapt to Thai that, the one who is paying sets the rules and the Thais choose to be with the farang so they can adapt too. Its not a one way street. Besides its not that strange to ask people who loan stuff to be careful with it.

[overherebc]

The ongoing and never ending discussions revolving around socioeconomics

[Briggsy]

The Thai Chinese certainly would not be having this, "I need to share your motorbike/car as I haven't got one" rubbish. You want a motorbike, mortgage your rice crop for next year.

[overherebc]

The Thai Chinese certainly would not be having this, "I need to share your motorbike/car as I haven't got one" rubbish. You want a motorbike, mortgage your rice crop for next year.

I feel it's a related comment, ie, the one I'm about to make. ! When I was in UK a few of us had bikes, and I mean bikes. The accepted and very firm rule was, If you bend it, you mend it. The big difference, over here is that, sorry to say, the farang is always rich, and if he says he isn't it means he is just trying to hide his money and if we are really nice to him he will suddenly turn up with the cash to solve our problems, he always has done in the past.

I have a really big problem trying to understand these guys who think that they are actually doing something constructive in handing over cash to a section (a small section ) of the population who have no other interest than taking advantage because they watch TV from UK, Europe and USA that gives the impression that we are all loaded.

[rene123]

Rather than repeat David48's whole story about Farmgirl and her extended family, I must say I found it fascinating and well written. Thank you David48 and farmgirl for sharing.

[overherebc]

Would the son of a rich Thai family who was working in UK start spending the family money on a poor UK families daughter ?

[Gweiloman]

Are we expats here reduced to such a low level that we need to worry about such trivial matters? By being so calculative, are we not merely lowering ourselves to Shylock's level? If I had to buy a motorbike for my wife's younger sister (I hadn't, but I did buy a Thb800k Vigo for her cousin), she is free to do whatever she wants with it - including loaning it to anyone she likes (gifts should not come with strings attached). I won't be responsible for any damages though - the bike would be her's together with all the responsibilities of repair and maintenance.

It's not (as some paranoid posters here think) about being taken for a ride or being taken advantage of. If we can afford it, why not share the wealth around? We can't take it with us to the afterlife but we can at least try to accumulate some good karma for the next life.

[Jayroo]

Why is a 26 year old son living in your house? Kick him out I say, and your problems are over.

Yeah being the tough guy has been tried, it doesn't really work either, once again more problems

I would dump the woman, and find a new one without such unruly baggage.

It's not about being a tough guy, it's about having a nice life.

But some guys are happy to be doormats, up to you.

For the life of me I will never understand why someone would take on a woman and the baggage she brings with her, especially boys.

Plenty of decent single women out there that dont have this baggage in tow, seek and ye shall find.

Do you think a Thai man would put up with this shit?

yes I agree with this to a degree, when I met ladies in the past with kids and ex husbands etc, that for me was a red flag, so I would not continue the relationship as going out etc, but would be more than happy to remain friends. Though some people do not see this as a problem for some reason at first, once they fall in love, I guess it's too hard to let go when the problems start arising.

[loong]

Are we expats here reduced to such a low level that we need to worry about such trivial matters? By being so calculative, are we not merely lowering ourselves to Shylock's level? If I had to buy a motorbike for my wife's younger sister (I hadn't, but I did buy a Thb800k Vigo for her cousin), she is free to do whatever she wants with it - including loaning it to anyone she likes (gifts should not come with strings attached). I won't be responsible for any damages though - the bike would be her's together with all the responsibilities of repair and maintenance.

It's not (as some paranoid posters here think) about being taken for a ride or being taken advantage of. If we can afford it, why not share the wealth around? We can't take it with us to the afterlife but we can at least try to accumulate some good karma for the next life.

I believe that the OP did not buy the bike for his stepson, the stepson was borrowing it and then lending it to others.

Share the wealth? I love people like you that have to throw money around. Perpetuates the myth that all farang a rich and really stupid with their money.

[rattler]

Recently I watched the joint effort from in village to create a wedding feast, party, entertainment etc. The utensils for cooking and eating were supplied from the 'village' stock set aside for such occasion, the tents and tables were delivered from the local temple, most families in the village had one or more members involved in preparing the food, the local musicians played all day for a very small payment..........this was a great wedding and in those few days a good time was enjoyed by all, a real sense of a community pulling together.........in the grand scheme of things a 30k motorsi being utilised by others does not even warrant comment......unless you wish to be an island......then good luck!.....just remember the thinking in Thailand......do good and good comes to you, it's called belief in karma.........I guess you either believe and chill, or manufacture your own version

The event 473ego has shared contains numerous examples of 'sharing', which is a standard and strong value in Thai society, but more so of course amongst the folks with very few resources. It's a part of everyday life.

A good simple example is the sharing of a packet of cigarettes. The person who purchased the cigarettes expects and usually is very relaxed about sharing, and not necessarily expecting the sharing will be reversed.

Sharing of a motorcycle is not much different.

Can I borrow your car then or what?? dont worry Ive only written off 3 so far, Im sure it will be juuuuuuuuuuuuust fine, sometimes i even get them out of second gear, i like to hear the engine screaming.

[rattler]

Why is a 26 year old son living in your house? Kick him out I say, and your problems are over.

Yeah being the tough guy has been tried, it doesn't really work either, once again more problems

I would dump the woman, and find a new one without such unruly baggage.

It's not about being a tough guy, it's about having a nice life.

But some guys are happy to be doormats, up to you.

Well there are several comments all along the lines of dump the bitch, kill the kids, man up blah blah. Firstly I forgive you all, you are hard men and need to keep your repo, and, witness all the havin a go at Miss Farm Girl whose post was really quite relevant and showed that (obviously) she knows how things go down in a family compound. Please Miss Farm Girl continue to post as your comments are gold. I have a nice life and feel something like a Duke, no downgrade that a Squire, now convert to Thai and you have Kamnaan or Poo Yai Bahn something like that. What is a fairly small irritant to me, I described, hoping to get people to say what they would have done at the hot moment, as losing your rag here (in Thailand) is not generally advisable. No-one has done that but there ha been plenty of good advice to go with the bad, thank you

On a recent trip to Issan to sell my Wifes land to her hill billy relatives one of them after being told this wa s happening and agreed to pay his 100000 baht share said " he didnt have the money". This was s aid "after" we had d riven the 600km.

My Wife talked with him for more than an hour ( personally Id have said f.off) and he kept repeating all this whilst standing next to his shiny new truck.

My wife said Ok Ill sell to another Brother and proceeded over the road to speak with them.

The next day the First Brother appeared with the 100k, all the time saying she was "sticky" and her husband "me" wa s terrible and not good farang but not like the one in the village who buys everything for almost anyone and gives the temple large sums of money too...................This was a " good farang"

Wife always said, the best thing she did was get the hell out of that village and away from her family., she describes them all as stupid and lazy

I hope this isnt you the "good Farang"........is the moral of the story

[rattler]

The Thai Chinese certainly would not be having this, "I need to share your motorbike/car as I haven't got one" rubbish. You want a motorbike, mortgage your rice crop for next year.

I feel it's a related comment, ie, the one I'm about to make. ! When I was in UK a few of us had bikes, and I mean bikes. The accepted and very firm rule was, If you bend it, you mend it. The big difference, over here is that, sorry to say, the farang is always rich, and if he says he isn't it means he is just trying to hide his money and if we are really nice to him he will suddenly turn up with the cash to solve our problems, he always has done in the past.

I have a really big problem trying to understand these guys who think that they are actually doing something constructive in handing over cash to a section (a small section ) of the population who have no other interest than taking advantage because they watch TV from UK, Europe and USA that gives the impression that we are all loaded.

Friend of mine recently got m whacked up the ars* by one of those minibuses whislt he was driving ( usual story minibus 1 inch form back of his car), they stopped and they thought he couldnt speak Thai ( he didnt let on) the driver and his friends and some cabbies and the Police all decided the outcome, their thinking "farang got money why he worry"

Nice, just remember that.

[Bluetongue]

Are we expats here reduced to such a low level that we need to worry about such trivial matters? By being so calculative, are we not merely lowering ourselves to Shylock's level? If I had to buy a motorbike for my wife's younger sister (I hadn't, but I did buy a Thb800k Vigo for her cousin), she is free to do whatever she wants with it - including loaning it to anyone she likes (gifts should not come with strings attached). I won't be responsible for any damages though - the bike would be her's together with all the responsibilities of repair and maintenance.

It's not (as some paranoid posters here think) about being taken for a ride or being taken advantage of. If we can afford it, why not share the wealth around? We can't take it with us to the afterlife but we can at least try to accumulate some good karma for the next life.

I believe that the OP did not buy the bike for his stepson, the stepson was borrowing it and then lending it to others.

Share the wealth? I love people like you that have to throw money around. Perpetuates the myth that all farang a rich and really stupid with their money.

If I had 800k to blow on a Vigo for the wife's cousin (like there are about 25 people in the pecking order here before we get to cousins)I wouldn't be too worried about a 46k motorcycle would I. I'm not throwing cash round, buying things for everybody, lending anybody everything, I knock back more things than you could poke a stick at. I make judicious expenditure as I always have done (well ever since about the age of 30 anyway). Thailand hasn't changed that its a core behaviour.

[Bluetongue]

Its not what I would do, but I wouldnt have allowed any sharing to start with, share in the family maybe ok and depends who bought the thing? , but if i had financed it I would make it very clear any abuse and Id sell it or even give it away.

But at the back of my mind this is NOT a child, he's 26..............sorry take that back, forgot we are in Thailand.

I like this " one person buy the whole family use" when it breaks do the whole family pay to fix it too????

Sorry rattler but the boy in question is 16 the 26 year old is his older brother as clearly stated in the OP.

[Bluetongue]

I agree it isa matter of putting your foot down.

My 15 year old neice (who lives with us) needs a motorbike to go to the new school 25kms away at the start of the new school year. So yesterday we bought a new honda, in my wife's name (as no Thai I believe can own a vehicle until 21or 25 years old).

First though I set out the rules.

1. She has to go and get her licence.

2. If she goes outside the village she must always wear a hemut.

3. Nobody but direct family can use it.

4. It must be left at our house, Not other family's houses when she is not using it.

5. It is her responsibility to keep it clean.

Then she was told that breaking of any of the first 4 rules will mean no motorbike, other than for going to and returning from school, for a month. Second offence 2 months.

Now I await the outcome. hopefully what I have said will get through.

I think it will, because she came home last week saying a friend of hers was very scared to go home as another friend borrowed her motorbike and had an accident, where the bike was seriously damaged and could not be driven home.

Good luck with all that mate, I would like an update to see if it all happens

[Bluetongue]

Why don't you start driving him to school, so that he no longer needs the bike?

Well I've thought about that too, if it comes to it I would do it but it would not be convenient. Look I dont mind him going to a friends place or hanging out somewhere after school one or two days a week, on about 3 days he comes straight home. I want to in concert with the missus teach him the concept that he can say no. Because that is what all this comes down to, in many cases that I have seen Thais are unwilling to say no. The other thing seriously, is they have ants in their pants, the mere fact that a motorcycle is sitting there with a key in it is sufficient to manufacture an excuse to go somewhere, I see it all the time. This kid didn't buy any shoes. I've been waiting since Friday to see if any thing was raised and nothing has been so I will have to .

It just seems to me that you are looking for options that require you to not actually have to put any time in? I asked my wife if she'd let out son drive a motorbike to school when he's 16...she just about sh*t herself.

School runs are not convenient; being a parent is not convenient...but if you want to be a good dad you got to put in the time. Otherwise may as well just ignore these issues for the next 2 years and then show him the door at 18, that would be convenient.

Think you need to decide what exactly your role is. If you don't really want much to do with the kids, then a motorbike is a small price to pay for peace and quiet at home.

The kid has gotten himself safely to and from school for a year now, the topic is about influencing his behaviour also part of being a parent and for me, worth a bit of an effort, rather than immediately going into lockdown mode and taking 2 more hours out of a day that already doesn't have enough time in it.

[Bluetongue]

The Thai Chinese certainly would not be having this, "I need to share your motorbike/car as I haven't got one" rubbish. You want a motorbike, mortgage your rice crop for next year.

I'm already holding a couple of those, not on rice though but these were for extended family not under my roof

[Gweiloman]

Are we expats here reduced to such a low level that we need to worry about such trivial matters? By being so calculative, are we not merely lowering ourselves to Shylock's level? If I had to buy a motorbike for my wife's younger sister (I hadn't, but I did buy a Thb800k Vigo for her cousin), she is free to do whatever she wants with it - including loaning it to anyone she likes (gifts should not come with strings attached). I won't be responsible for any damages though - the bike would be her's together with all the responsibilities of repair and maintenance.

It's not (as some paranoid posters here think) about being taken for a ride or being taken advantage of. If we can afford it, why not share the wealth around? We can't take it with us to the afterlife but we can at least try to accumulate some good karma for the next life.

I believe that the OP did not buy the bike for his stepson, the stepson was borrowing it and then lending it to others.

Share the wealth? I love people like you that have to throw money around. Perpetuates the myth that all farang a rich and really stupid with their money.

I'm fortunate in that I do have a bit of money. However, I do not throw it around (whatever that may mean). The VIGO was a loan (my apologies for omitting that part) for her business (selling and delivering farming fertilisers which is fast growing and so she passed her first vehicle to her brother to help her out and therefore in need of a second vehicle for herself).

I also see nothing wrong in sharing the wealth, so to say. This is not uncommon place in Asian societies. When I was growing up, my farang brothers in law did the same thing and continue to do so to this day, as and when necessary.

[jocko]

I agree it isa matter of putting your foot down.

My 15 year old neice (who lives with us) needs a motorbike to go to the new school 25kms away at the start of the new school year. So yesterday we bought a new honda, in my wife's name (as no Thai I believe can own a vehicle until 21or 25 years old).

First though I set out the rules.

1. She has to go and get her licence.

2. If she goes outside the village she must always wear a hemut.

3. Nobody but direct family can use it.

4. It must be left at our house, Not other family's houses when she is not using it.

5. It is her responsibility to keep it clean.

Then she was told that breaking of any of the first 4 rules will mean no motorbike, other than for going to and returning from school, for a month. Second offence 2 months.

Now I await the outcome. hopefully what I have said will get through.

I think it will, because she came home last week saying a friend of hers was very scared to go home as another friend borrowed her motorbike and had an accident, where the bike was seriously damaged and could not be driven home.

I think if given the opportunity a set of rules is the way to go and they might learn there is penalties if the rules are broken which would help them in life anyway.

The op problem is a difficult one and there no easy answer

I have been here 12 years married 8 of them and I am still trying to get to grips with the Thai family way of life but one thing I have noticed and it drives me crazy that they don't seem to have much respect for your stuff when they come for a occasional visit to our house the kids are just wild we have a two story house a and they are up and down in and out of all the rooms bashing you stereo and furniture whilst the adult are sitting round eating and talking with not a care in the world .

Now I can tell you my wife is not happy about it either but after the mayhem has stopped and they have gone back home and we sit and have a quite ( I don't shout anymore its bad for your health) word her response is `` I know but what can I do they are family`` case closed

Now I understand some of this as we go to village now and again and of course its mayhem there as well in fact its even worse as there is more kids there and the house is always busy but of course everybody sits outside on the concrete patio on mats and and there is always many motorbikes there and yes everybody rides them to the local shop which is about 100m away its a free for all

Best of luck the op.

[billd766]

I agree it isa matter of putting your foot down.

My 15 year old neice (who lives with us) needs a motorbike to go to the new school 25kms away at the start of the new school year. So yesterday we bought a new honda, in my wife's name (as no Thai I believe can own a vehicle until 21or 25 years old).

First though I set out the rules.

1. She has to go and get her licence.

2. If she goes outside the village she must always wear a hemut.

3. Nobody but direct family can use it.

4. It must be left at our house, Not other family's houses when she is not using it.

5. It is her responsibility to keep it clean.

Then she was told that breaking of any of the first 4 rules will mean no motorbike, other than for going to and returning from school, for a month. Second offence 2 months.

Now I await the outcome. hopefully what I have said will get through.

I think it will, because she came home last week saying a friend of hers was very scared to go home as another friend borrowed her motorbike and had an accident, where the bike was seriously damaged and could not be driven home.

I think if given the opportunity a set of rules is the way to go and they might learn there is penalties if the rules are broken which would help them in life anyway.

The op problem is a difficult one and there no easy answer

I have been here 12 years married 8 of them and I am still trying to get to grips with the Thai family way of life but one thing I have noticed and it drives me crazy that they don't seem to have much respect for your stuff when they come for a occasional visit to our house the kids are just wild we have a two story house a and they are up and down in and out of all the rooms bashing you stereo and furniture whilst the adult are sitting round eating and talking with not a care in the world .

Now I can tell you my wife is not happy about it either but after the mayhem has stopped and they have gone back home and we sit and have a quite ( I don't shout anymore its bad for your health) word her response is `` I know but what can I do they are family`` case closed

Now I understand some of this as we go to village now and again and of course its mayhem there as well in fact its even worse as there is more kids there and the house is always busy but of course everybody sits outside on the concrete patio on mats and and there is always many motorbikes there and yes everybody rides them to the local shop which is about 100m away its a free for all

Best of luck the op.

I live out in a village though fortunate most of my wife's family live in BKK. Having said that my son is 8 and he has friends come around to play on the computers.

The new one is MINE and while my son can use it, NOBODY ELSE is allowed on it and the other 2 are older models that they can all use.

In the house the rules are Daddy's rules.

I use a kitchen timer with a maximum of 1 hour on the computer and then off for at least an hour.

There is NO shouting in the house, if you want to shout go outside.

NO running up and down the stairs.

Before you go home pick up and put away ALL the toys.

Any problems Daddy rules on and my word is final.

If you don't like it tell your parents or anybody who you think might care.

If they come and whine to me the answer is that in MY house we use MY rules and I don't care what you do in your house.

If you don't like it, go home, nobody forced you to come here.

It has worked for me for years fortunately because my wife backs me up.

[chrisrazz]

Reading this thread has filled my mind with many past experiences to do with family etc. I don't want to go into specific incidents, yet I share a similar position to the OP. My first impressions, on meeting our 2 lads 17 years ago, remain firmly imprinted in my memory. The elder, nice character, very eager to please and consequently easily manipulated. He completes high school. The younger, smarter, less outgoing, independent and in consequence a bit of a handful. He left school with a year to go. They have both had bikes as gifts from us. Both bikes are gone. Forward to the present. The elder, his wife and daughter live with us, collectively they own nothing, he is constantly getting fooled by others due to his desire to be the nice guy. The younger and his wife have moved on, learned a trade, have their own bike, hi if, tv etc, they make good money for Thailand and look after their hard earned possessions, though, we suspect that the bulk of their money is sent to her parents as they now have a car but no visible income. This is fine, his wife cannot have kids, she is an only child and the family have land etc. I'm not unhappy that the elder is with us, he is a good loving father and he does work around the place, I'd much rather they remain a strong family unit, unlike the majority of cases were the parents leave the village to seek crap jobs and grandma looks after the children, for a fee mind, with resulting parental disconnect, where mum and dad feel guilt and over indulge the kids to the detriment of the grandmas ability to control.

Coming to Thailand, we foreigners have a responsibility not to interfere with the status quo. If you over indulge you are seen as a benchmark, we need to set the example, that though by comparison wealthy, that wealth had to be earned. I can cite many examples of foreigners buggering up their lives, and those close to them, by the desire to show off how 'big' a man they are. The key is not in helping them, but teaching and showing them how to help themselves, and if they are not my immediate family and show no interest in helping themselves they can get lost.

[TommoPhysicist]

I agree it isa matter of putting your foot down.

My 15 year old neice (who lives with us) needs a motorbike to go to the new school 25kms away at the start of the new school year. So yesterday we bought a new honda, in my wife's name (as no Thai I believe can own a vehicle until 21or 25 years old).

First though I set out the rules.

1. She has to go and get her licence.

2. If she goes outside the village she must always wear a hemut.

3. Nobody but direct family can use it.

4. It must be left at our house, Not other family's houses when she is not using it.

5. It is her responsibility to keep it clean.

Then she was told that breaking of any of the first 4 rules will mean no motorbike, other than for going to and returning from school, for a month. Second offence 2 months.

Now I await the outcome. hopefully what I have said will get through.

I think it will, because she came home last week saying a friend of hers was very scared to go home as another friend borrowed her motorbike and had an accident, where the bike was seriously damaged and could not be driven home.

Good luck with all that mate, I would like an update to see if it all happens

Pormax hasn't replied ........ I'm betting he didn't know 15 year olds can only ride 110cc or less, they didn't tell him, and he got a 125cc.

[rgs2001uk]

Reading this thread has filled my mind with many past experiences to do with family etc. I don't want to go into specific incidents, yet I share a similar position to the OP. My first impressions, on meeting our 2 lads 17 years ago, remain firmly imprinted in my memory. The elder, nice character, very eager to please and consequently easily manipulated. He completes high school. The younger, smarter, less outgoing, independent and in consequence a bit of a handful. He left school with a year to go. They have both had bikes as gifts from us. Both bikes are gone. Forward to the present. The elder, his wife and daughter live with us, collectively they own nothing, he is constantly getting fooled by others due to his desire to be the nice guy. The younger and his wife have moved on, learned a trade, have their own bike, hi if, tv etc, they make good money for Thailand and look after their hard earned possessions, though, we suspect that the bulk of their money is sent to her parents as they now have a car but no visible income. This is fine, his wife cannot have kids, she is an only child and the family have land etc. I'm not unhappy that the elder is with us, he is a good loving father and he does work around the place, I'd much rather they remain a strong family unit, unlike the majority of cases were the parents leave the village to seek crap jobs and grandma looks after the children, for a fee mind, with resulting parental disconnect, where mum and dad feel guilt and over indulge the kids to the detriment of the grandmas ability to control.

Coming to Thailand, we foreigners have a responsibility not to interfere with the status quo. If you over indulge you are seen as a benchmark, we need to set the example, that though by comparison wealthy, that wealth had to be earned. I can cite many examples of foreigners buggering up their lives, and those close to them, by the desire to show off how 'big' a man they are. The key is not in helping them, but teaching and showing them how to help themselves, and if they are not my immediate family and show no interest in helping themselves they can get lost.

I can cite many examples of foreigners buggering up their lives, and those close to them, by the desire to show off how 'big' a man they are

I could cite many examples of farangs having their lives buggered up by those closest to them, their wife, and her desire to act the mia farang, curry favour, gain face and try to buy status in the village.

Often the poor sap has no idea whats going on around him.

I have stated before about not getting involved witha woman with kids, another example of what not to get involved with is a woman who has a sister/family member married to a farang.

He has set the benchmark,can you compete, are you a Cheap Charlie, black heart etc etc, why you no love me same same him.

[David48]

<snip>

Coming to Thailand, we foreigners have a responsibility not to interfere with the status quo. If you over indulge you are seen as a benchmark, we need to set the example, that though by comparison wealthy, that wealth had to be earned. I can cite many examples of foreigners buggering up their lives, and those close to them, by the desire to show off how 'big' a man they are. The key is not in helping them, but teaching and showing them how to help themselves, and if they are not my immediate family and show no interest in helping themselves they can get lost.

Good intro ... great ending ...

Honestly, you can pick the ones who have lived here and have integrated and not given up their core values or beliefs ...

.

Edited February 18, 2013 by David48

[robblok]

<snip>

Coming to Thailand, we foreigners have a responsibility not to interfere with the status quo. If you over indulge you are seen as a benchmark, we need to set the example, that though by comparison wealthy, that wealth had to be earned. I can cite many examples of foreigners buggering up their lives, and those close to them, by the desire to show off how 'big' a man they are. The key is not in helping them, but teaching and showing them how to help themselves, and if they are not my immediate family and show no interest in helping themselves they can get lost.

Good intro ... great ending ...

Honestly, you can pick the ones who have lived here and have integrated and not given up their core values or beliefs ...

.

How can you give up your own core values... I cant change who i am neither can my wife change who she is. That is why its important to see before if you match then to try to change things afterwards. Its easier to loose 25kg of fat then to change your behavior and values. I can still adapt and learn but core values... they don't change easy. Other things yes.

*did read the not but just wondered how anyone could give them up sorry for the confusion*

Edited February 18, 2013 by robblok

[transam]

Reading this thread has filled my mind with many past experiences to do with family etc. I don't want to go into specific incidents, yet I share a similar position to the OP. My first impressions, on meeting our 2 lads 17 years ago, remain firmly imprinted in my memory. The elder, nice character, very eager to please and consequently easily manipulated. He completes high school. The younger, smarter, less outgoing, independent and in consequence a bit of a handful. He left school with a year to go. They have both had bikes as gifts from us. Both bikes are gone. Forward to the present. The elder, his wife and daughter live with us, collectively they own nothing, he is constantly getting fooled by others due to his desire to be the nice guy. The younger and his wife have moved on, learned a trade, have their own bike, hi if, tv etc, they make good money for Thailand and look after their hard earned possessions, though, we suspect that the bulk of their money is sent to her parents as they now have a car but no visible income. This is fine, his wife cannot have kids, she is an only child and the family have land etc. I'm not unhappy that the elder is with us, he is a good loving father and he does work around the place, I'd much rather they remain a strong family unit, unlike the majority of cases were the parents leave the village to seek crap jobs and grandma looks after the children, for a fee mind, with resulting parental disconnect, where mum and dad feel guilt and over indulge the kids to the detriment of the grandmas ability to control.

Coming to Thailand, we foreigners have a responsibility not to interfere with the status quo. If you over indulge you are seen as a benchmark, we need to set the example, that though by comparison wealthy, that wealth had to be earned. I can cite many examples of foreigners buggering up their lives, and those close to them, by the desire to show off how 'big' a man they are. The key is not in helping them, but teaching and showing them how to help themselves, and if they are not my immediate family and show no interest in helping themselves they can get lost.

BUT, l have tried this and it hasn't worked in my case, they always think the farang money will take care of stuff, WHICH l realized fairly quickly and so they are now on there own.