Girlfriend Threatenng To Go To Police And Throw Me Out.

[SparklingCascades]

Friend you are lot more experienced than me but in my short life I see the men in my country give the gals notice - esp. if gals play things the way you describe your g/f does. Also, isn't love a 2-way street - in and out of bed - so apart from free lodging and maybe meals I am at a loss to understand why you would pay car installments (unless you've signed as guarantor or partner somewhere) and a monthly Bht 12k allowance to boot? For example Dad is guarantor for the new car I bought. I know I'd get out off an ATM-relationship, all the more if one is 62 yrs old. Usually girls pay me to hang around.

Friend, from a local, here are 4 things I'd do - 1) I'd talk to my employer (the school) and win their trust. Thai people understand tragic love stories, since everyone here has a few. 2) I'd approach a lawyer who has some police connect and make a statement covering all bases. 3) I'd approach the car company only if I'd signed something previously to find out your legal status. 4) I'd download forms for immigration/visa renewal from the internet and fill them in. English is allowed. A visit to immigration will show you how easy it all is - although, farang seem to fear that immigration is some kind of 'special expertise area' with dodgy Thai immigration officials. A visit to immigration will quickly show you how easy it all is. If your unsure take along any Thai friend who can communicate on your behalf.

Finally, I'd gently touch this babe's adam apple (trust me this one section remains intact operation or no operation) and say goodbye Mister, your ATM card is cancelled.

Work quietly and over 2 or 3 days so that your response is - swift, severe and a surprise.

I learned much from seeing my family operate here. You can run circles around a trouble-maker; like I've described. Try not to stroll around with the word victim on your forehead as people are quick to take advantage. Take care brother. goodluck

Edited February 26, 2013 by SparklingCascades

[geriatrickid]

I just don't understand how anyone would admit to having such a relationship. Ok, the transformer person thing appeals to some folks. No biggie, I get it, but, jeez, to provide all the sordid pathetic details? I don't know whether to guffaw, or shudder. Every stereotype about the elderly expat, LB goldiggers, teachers and people with marginal incomes has been illustrated.

It's just plain sad.

[LburtonL]

First of all, you have my sympathies. Your situation sounds awful and I genuinely feel for you.

You may want to stop reading now...taking it by point by point as you revealed them:

* You've been spending money on this person by your own choice. Give that you are a teacher and probably not making a huge income, it's been a significant amount it would seem nonetheless that's something YOU chose to do (whether she requested it or not). It must feel terribly frustrating and unjust to have given that money to someone who has treated you so badly but you will simply have to live with it - you will almost certainly NOT get it back and frankly even if you did, I think you'd find that it didn't make you feel a whole lot better, if at all. The betrayal and feelings of being exploited and being a fool would remain. As would the heartache of knowing that someone you cared about and believed cared about you, did not.

* Your G/F has been for at undisclosed or undetermined amount of time, been soliciting online sex with other men and meeting those men or others (almost certainly having sex with them). THIS PERSON DOES NOT CARE ABOUT YOU AND EITHER NEVER DID OR HASN'T FOR SOME TIME. This person is OT someone to be involved with as she is not trustworthy and has serious character issues. You have known about this for 3 months but remained - a decision that defies sense or integrity and invites pain and indignity.

* You think she is a transgender as you have been told she is. You say she can prove she isn't but you don't explain how she can and whether she has or will. This whole issue is only relevant in that speaks to the level of honesty ad intimacy you actually have with this person and/or if you can not accept a transgender as a partner.

* You say she does not like sex. I submit that all you can say for sure is that SHE DOES NOT LIKE SEX WITH YOU. This is is an important fact: not because of how much sex you may or may not get or whether that sex is satisfactory - though those 2 things would matter to many people, they may not to you - but it matters as it again signifies what sort of relationship you actually have and how she feels about you.

* She is threatening to go to the 2 schools where you are employed -- and do what? Does she have something on you that you do not want revealed? You don't have to answer that here but it's relevant. If she doesn't have anything on you, what do you have to fear from that threat? But again, THIS IS NOT A PERSON WHO CARES ABOUT YOU.

* I don't understand what your waiver has to do with anything. if you take someone's car, it is car theft. This is not a gray area.

* You have moved into a apartment that you describe as one "that we have". First of all, that is too close to someone that wishes you ill and with whom you are currently in a very ugly and potentially even dangerous situation.

Moreover, give that you go on to speak of expecting rent free accommodation for one year would be adequate compensation, I suspect that this apartment is not one that you and she has but one that SHE has. I seriously doubt she will let you stay for one year if that is the case, nor should she NOR SHOULD YOU WANT TO. (To live there while she has other man or men come to be with her?!)

* Replying to the men she was in contact with - and no doubt either making money from or grooming for that purpose -was a potentially dangerous move. Not something to be taken lightly at all.

Look at these facts. You are in a situation that has virtually ZERO chance of working out in any way that leaves you feeling better than you do - which must be pretty horrible, I should think - and has a very real possibility of getting much worse. Maybe even dangerous.

You have to go. You have to accept that you need to go through some more hurt but you can come out on the other side MUCH BETTER OFF.

You need to give some very serious thought to why you make the sort of choices you do and wind up in such situations.

Great post .....

And OP should write a book about it .... one more crazy story from a farang who had no clue <deleted> going on !!!!

" Private dancer " was a good book

[cheeryble]

Finally, I'd gently touch this babe's adam apple (trust me this one section remains intact operation or no operation) and say goodbye Mister, your ATM card is cancelled.

For Chrissakes don't say Mister without a gumshield in !!!

[bunta71]

Take your balls out of his man purse and put them back in your pants. Then keep them there.

[JLCrab]

For the OP and others, when I hear 'true love' I just hum....

[metisdead]

Off topic posts have been removed.

[oldgent]

what a story. i can see a book and a film coming out of this. look what J K Rowling achived.

you are either a bullshiter or the dumbest guy in Thailand. on the serious side you actually teach children ??

[poanoi]

Fascinating and kinky, how old did you say your bf is ?

I would call it a day either way, and leave ASAP.

And in case you're totally clueless, you already gave your money away,

to a ladyboy at that, he will grow his pecker back before you get your money back.

It's not your money any more so why even ask ?

Edited February 26, 2013 by poanoi

[scorecard]

Sorry to say it but quietly cut and run.

She is going to ruin you mentally and financially.

70K isn't so much money in the grand scheme of things, find a place to rent learn the ins and outs of Thai red tape for yourself and very quickly you will meet someone else.

Keep smiling its not the end of the world, just a new chapter in your book of life, take each day as it comes and before long you will be leading a different life.

The very best of luck

Thanks for a most positive response I am not a young man 62 years.

Agree, bite the bullet and move on, and to another apartment building as soon as possible.

Ignore her threats, maybe she will speak to the school officials, maybe not. If she does then handle it when it occurs and as calmly as possible.

Good luck.

[mrtoad]

what a story. i can see a book and a film coming out of this. look what J K Rowling achived.

you are either a bullshiter or the dumbest guy in Thailand. on the serious side you actually teach children ??

I believe that the OP is a writer, so maybe this will be in his next book

[Star Dust]

I feel sorry for you, really I do.

I won't tell you to run, and I won't tell you to stay.

But ask yourself this, and you will know what to do: What do you think is best for YOU?

[overherebc]

Sorry to say it but quietly cut and run.

She is going to ruin you mentally and financially.

70K isn't so much money in the grand scheme of things, find a place to rent learn the ins and outs of Thai red tape for yourself and very quickly you will meet someone else.

Keep smiling its not the end of the world, just a new chapter in your book of life, take each day as it comes and before long you will be leading a different life.

The very best of luck

Thanks for a most positive response I am not a young man 62 years.

Agree, bite the bullet and move on, and to another apartment building as soon as possible.

Ignore her threats, maybe she will speak to the school officials, maybe not. If she does then handle it when it occurs and as calmly as possible.

Good luck.

Another Apartment ?????

Another town is a much better bet.!

If you don't know when to hold them or fold them at your age the perhaps another country like your own is the best bet.

[Beetlejuice]

Hi Colabamumbai

Lets get down to the nitty gritty. If you are not legally married to this woman, man, lady boy, purple people eater alien from Neptune, it`s all irrelevant in this case, then yes, she is right, if the said car is in her name, than the car is her property and if you have financed the vehicle, even if the loan is in your name, or you acted as a guarantor, the burden of payments is yours, unless you made some sort of legal agreement with her in writing that any monies you paid on her behalf, including items and gifts was in fact a loan? Which somehow I doubt.

If the car loan is in her name and you did not sign anything as a guarantor, than the car and the payments are her problem. So in fact, yes, if you try to possess the car, this is classified as thief and she can have you arrested.

Her threats to visit the schools are her methods of making you worried by intimidation and to keep paying the money. Between the lines it means, she will visit and cause embarrassing scenes for you at work that could jeopardise your job. Under Thai law, whatever you gave and will give this person, unless you have legal documentation to prove otherwise, is in fact a gift.

This person wants your money and is using fear and intimidation in order to make you cough up with the dosh. Quite frankly you don`t have a boo diddly chance of grabbing any money back from her, as you have stated, she only has 200 baht in the bank and you can’t get blood from a stone.

2 more points to make here: you have to start learning how to manage your own affairs and if you have strong feelings for this person, than you are the long and suffering and no one is going to give a rat`s behind about your situation. So either put up with it, or get away from this person completely.

What happens next must be left up to your own risk and discretion.

Edited February 26, 2013 by Beetlejuice

[Stradavarius37]

"...................

Any good suggestions/advice and don't tell me to cut my losses and run. I have loved this woman for two years now. and still do, although I may be a fool."

Cut your losses and run, quickly...... As to the last part, you are absolutely correct (unless you are a troll, which would be my guess).

I am not a troll and a member for over 3 years, If you have followed my posts I was maried to a girl in Korat who sold the wedding ring after a month. There were many posts about that. Why would I waste my time, I have no foreigners in this village to talk to and I am the only foreigner at the schools I teach, so no friends there. The reason I made this post.

Perhaps you need to review your personal decision making skills - they seem to be a little frayed...

[fasteddie]

What kind of advice do you want? You say you are with somebody who doesn't want to be with you anymore. All the rest is irrelevant. Get out as you have no right to control another person or force yourself on them. If you have problems moving then be nice as possible and beg for her/his help and understanding but if you don't get it then you need to move on.

Don't matter how nice you were or how much you think she owes you because you chose to pay her bills nor does it matter if she cheats or is really a man ... She/he want the relationship over and unless she changers her mind you need to respect this..

...actually, it does matter if she is really a man.

The rest. I agree.

OP, I recommend you leave Thailand. You do not have the necessary skills required to survive here.

After ten years in India, Pakistan, Afghanistan, Laos, Malaysia, Thailand and 6 years in Mexico I think I probably have a few more skills than you.

Obviously not in love you don't!

[chonabot]

I have actually met the OP in person, he used to teach at our school. He seems like a decent individual IMO.

I hope you can walk away from the mess safely!

[bangkokburning]

Some people are not meant ti be in relationships, you are one of those people.

You posting history is riddled with female trouble.

One word...

Rentals

[WonnabeBiker]

Her Thai ID, not her sister's, should correctly identify her gender.

You should not expect to recover any monies paid to date.

As you have not done anything illegal her threats to go to the Police seem to be, dare I say it, d*ck-less.

Separating yourself from this lady may prove ultimately very challenging. You may have to offer a severance package, and consider relocating.

This has to be a troll post?!

The Police is used for leverage, even by crooks. I know a case of someone renting a house under the pretence of buying it.

They ended it as they wouldn't pay the rent. Stole all appliances including air conditioners. Then involved

the Police to get their down payment for the house purchase back.

Sure - she would go 50/50 over something she would otherwise not get. Wouldn't you?

^^^

That gf is a conniving, money grabbing "lady". Get the he** outta there, never look back. Not more payments!

Who would want to be with such a person?!?

[fang1081009]

Leave her.

Leave her car.

Leave her apartment.

Next time you get a gf, look at her ID card to see what sex she/he is.

Ladyboys have to appear dressed as a man without makeup for their ID card photo, and it also states their sex on the card.

PS

Thanks for the post, I laughed even more than the 'Respect' thread. Some guys are just born victims.

PPS

Not sure if your gf is a boy or a girl ....... yours really is different!

I agree with you but I think .... if she / he a lady boy why she / can be a teacher ?

[Colabamumbai]

It is over I left yesterday, she started throwing my things out and hitting me in the hopes that I would hit her back, when I went to pick up my stuff. I would not touch her I am not that foolish although I would like to see her get aids from some new guy she brings home to pay her bills. It is good that I do not own a gun or she would be dead.

She sould not let me take anything I purchased, ie iron tools wardrobe she said they all belong to her.

Have an apartment in Kalasin, I am already happier but it will take some time to heal, both the physical motorcycle injuries and our time together.

[Colabamumbai]

I have actually met the OP in person, he used to teach at our school. He seems like a decent individual IMO.

I hope you can walk away from the mess safely!

Thanks Chonabot I left yesterday, have apartment in Kalasin, thanks for your positive comments and it was a pleasure meeting you.

[Colabamumbai]

I have spoken to school officials where I work they have know for years as they taught him/her many years ago. I have told them about her threats to call them.

[SteeleJoe]

Good luck to you.

I am very glad you didn't have a gun: your comment about killing her (hopefully just a bit of hyperbole) again prompts me to say, with all due respect, you need to give some thought about choices YOU make.

Be strong. Strong enough to get over this and strong enough to realize that it's better to be on your own than choose poorly (due to not enough time taken or rational consideration given). Loneliness is no fun but there are lots of ways to find joy in life that don't require a committed relationship and perhaps if you concentrate on treating yourself better you will eventually be fortunate enough to meet someone who will also treat you well. One thing for sure, what you've been doing isn't working for you.

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[Colabamumbai]

what a story. i can see a book and a film coming out of this. look what J K Rowling achived.

you are either a bullshiter or the dumbest guy in Thailand. on the serious side you actually teach children ??

I believe that the OP is a writer, so maybe this will be in his next book

You should have read the story that a woman I never met had printed in the magazine Kusa Kusom I think is the name 3 years ago about me, because I would not go and meet her. I could have sued for Libel, but this is Thailand. She thought I was not in the country. I called the owner of the magazine. He said you cannot be ____________, my real name, it included my email and my cell number with the last number blocked out.

And you are correct I have 3 books unpublished and maybe now a forth. hhe he!!!

[fang1081009]

Guys paying their gf salaries and then thinking its not about the money. Really come on try to get a gf without paying a salary and see how that goes.

She is a teacher and earns 20,000 Baht a month herself.

A katoey teacher in some village near Kalasin is paid 20000 baht a month, very good salary.

Katoey can be a teacher ? you are Mr. but your body is Miss ... How come ???

[Nisa]

It is over I left yesterday, she started throwing my things out and hitting me in the hopes that I would hit her back, when I went to pick up my stuff. I would not touch her I am not that foolish although I would like to see her get aids from some new guy she brings home to pay her bills. It is good that I do not own a gun or she would be dead.

She sould not let me take anything I purchased, ie iron tools wardrobe she said they all belong to her.

Have an apartment in Kalasin, I am already happier but it will take some time to heal, both the physical motorcycle injuries and our time together.

Let her go and forgive her and realize she has to wake up every day and see herself in the mirror. Rarely easy to get over a relationship but you only do yourself pain by holding on to hatred.

Good Luck.

[pxlgirl]

Katoey = transsexual, in other words she is a woman when she had a sex adjustment. They are however not allowed to change their gender in their ID's and other documents, that's pretty much about it, so chick with dick, no dude with boobs.

Now, kudos for the OP to have hit the road just in time... I can imagine it wasn't an easy thing to do, but once you're out of it long enough, you'll be fine. Advice for the future: Always make some backup plan and make yourself independent. You never know what will be, people change, so do situations. Be prepared in case sh*t happens. Do not worry too much about small things like paperwork, these things can be sorted out. Save your face the "farung way", read: save your ass! Best of luck!

[puchooay]

Recent partner problems and a recent motorcycle accident. Has he/she recently bought you some life insurance?

The teachers knew all along and no one mentioned it to you. I would go and live somewhere else altogether where no one knows you. Seems you have no one on your side.

Something tells me this is not over.

[SteeleJoe]

Katoey = transsexual, in other words she is a woman when she had a sex adjustment.

Not necessarily so. "Katoey" is used much more broadly and covers a spectrum all the way from a gay man to a cross dressing biological male to some one who has some or all of the medical treatment required to change their gender.

It's similar to what is the accepted term in the west now (except some Thais will use it to refer to homosexual men), "Transgender", in that it covers someone who identifies as being of another gender regardless of appearance or anatomy.

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