Who Wai's Who?

[marstons]

Thai's wai Thai's in my book period.

[transam]

Thai's wai Thai's in my book period.

Very interesting comment. Yes, when Thais accept Thais as ''friends or they are family'', they Wai.

Soooooo, a pointer for us farangs. If you meet a Thai native for the first time they usually Wai. If you meet them for a second time and they don't, you have been sussed as an assh_le.

[marstons]

With the exception of her mother and her father who I would wai I do not consider yu should initiate a wai with anyone else mentioned. Respond to a wai from the older sister with a wai or a nod.

Children who wai me politely always get responded to either with a general wai or with a smile and word. Manners from the kids needs to be reciprocated for respect to grow.

yet to see a Thai adult return a wai to a child.

[shaggy1969]

With the exception of her mother and her father who I would wai I do not consider yu should initiate a wai with anyone else mentioned. Respond to a wai from the older sister with a wai or a nod.

Children who wai me politely always get responded to either with a general wai or with a smile and word. Manners from the kids needs to be reciprocated for respect to grow.

yet to see a Thai adult return a wai to a child.

They don't need to return a wai to a child,but it will of been acknowledged in some way.....nod, smile or a simple khrap is suffice.

[ChaiLor]

With the exception of her mother and her father who I would wai I do not consider yu should initiate a wai with anyone else mentioned. Respond to a wai from the older sister with a wai or a nod.

Children who wai me politely always get responded to either with a general wai or with a smile and word. Manners from the kids needs to be reciprocated for respect to grow.

[Tywais]

Thai's wai Thai's in my book period.

You need to read more than.

[ChaiLor]

Not trying to patronise you but just thought I'd give some info you might find interesting/useful: you're not supposed to wai children even if they wai you first, a lot depends on how old they are, if very young then def don't wai back, smile and a nod is fine, I remember I returned a wai to a young kid once and he looked at me like I was strange as its not done thing, everyone in Thailand are aware of their place in the hierarchy and if a senior was to show too much deference to the junior it would make the junior feel very uncomfortable - there's also an ancient belief that if you wai a child it takes 7 years off their life, so most children probably wouldn't be too pleased about being wai'ed by an elder - but of course most bets are off as far as farang are concerned as they know its not our custom and don't understand the various idiosyncrasies of the wai, more often than not they just appreciate the effort.

[Tywais]

With the exception of her mother and her father who I would wai I do not consider yu should initiate a wai with anyone else mentioned. Respond to a wai from the older sister with a wai or a nod.

Children who wai me politely always get responded to either with a general wai or with a smile and word. Manners from the kids needs to be reciprocated for respect to grow.

yet to see a Thai adult return a wai to a child.

Get out more. It is not unreasonable to do so as it teaches them. I see more middle/upper class Thai's do it.

//edit - seeing the previous post now. It is considered bad luck if you initiate a wai to a much younger individual but not in returning such.

[arthurwait]

You return a wai to a child just don't bow down to them, that's meant to give them bad luck.

Anyway went to my wifes school reunion yesterday and most the time I went to wai they went to shake my hand and it all ended in confusion.

Everytime I said sa was dee krup they said hello and everytime I said hello they said...... I think you're getting it now.

I blame all this mess on Trans Am, it's all his fault.

Oh and the politician one of the friends just said hello.

[transam]

You return a wai to a child just don't bow down to them, that's meant to give them bad luck.

Anyway went to my wifes school reunion yesterday and most the time I went to wai they went to shake my hand and it all ended in confusion.

Everytime I said sa was dee krup they said hello and everytime I said hello they said...... I think you're getting it now.

I blame all this mess on Trans Am, it's all his fault.

Oh and the politician one of the friends just said hello.

, and a big WAI. to you too.

[dighambara]

Don't wai anyone, it's not your custom.

PS

I don't kneel in the gutter with my shoes off in front of monks ....... it's not my custom.

I agree - about 8 years ago, I Wai-ed someone improperly - not my custom - how was I to know..?? So I took some time to watch and learn.

Any Thai with any clout; age, money, big car, silk shirt, etc., will Wai only parents, grandparents and Monks.

On my daily walks, I often pass a large hotel. Big car pulls up - fancy pant gets out and ignores everyone, while they crawl around to serve...

So, I stopped Wai-ing everyone - older than most anyway and it is not my custom.

There is no way I can out-Thai a Thai...

[Sayonarax]

Give her a Vietnamese hand shake and see if she complains then..

[bangkokburning]

People that refuse to wai at all, especially if the sentiment is based on some sort of nonsense such as...

It's not MY culture

Really have not a clue about where they are living and feel quite uncomfortable with the exchange.

The interlopers as I like to call them.

There are many times when a wai is not required / neccessary by mixed exchange. Sometimes not required as station as to a child or service staff.

People really should teach themselves how to wai properly and drop the sociopathy and classist attitude and return a wai.

You generally need not initiate it but it is this cultures form of handshake so to speak. Sometimes a nod is sufficient, sometimes not. Extending your hand instead of returning a wai to anyone but a young, Bangkokian male seems to me a total fail.

Seems also to me that the only people that should be on this thread are the people that actually live with Thai's. So...if you live in bubbleland Samui, Phuket, Pattaya and much of BKK and CM. Eat in farang restaurants, rent your companions by the hour, have no Thai friends or relatives, dont really travel farther than from barstool to toilet - your opinion is pretty worthless.

[bangkokburning]

Thai friends wai each other when they meet, especially if they have not seen each other in a long time or a special occassion.

Nonsense Dighambara.

The real problem seems to me with people that have the "no wai" rule is that they really have had no honest exposure to Therevada culture and are clueless as to when it is appropriate. Better to just give up rather than act a fool.

[arthurwait]

People that refuse to wai at all, especially if the sentiment is based on some sort of nonsense such as...

It's not MY culture

Really have not a clue about where they are living and feel quite uncomfortable with the exchange.

The interlopers as I like to call them.

There are many times when a wai is not required / neccessary by mixed exchange. Sometimes not required as station as to a child or service staff.

People really should teach themselves how to wai properly and drop the sociopathy and classist attitude and return a wai.

You generally need not initiate it but it is this cultures form of handshake so to speak. Sometimes a nod is sufficient, sometimes not. Extending your hand instead of returning a wai to anyone but a young, Bangkokian male seems to me a total fail.

Seems also to me that the only people that should be on this thread are the people that actually live with Thai's. So...if you live in bubbleland Samui, Phuket, Pattaya and much of BKK and CM. Eat in farang restaurants, rent your companions by the hour, have no Thai friends or relatives, dont really travel farther than from barstool to toilet - your opinion is pretty worthless.

So why were women at my wifes all girl Bangkok boarding school reunion, all about 37 years old trying to shake my hand ?

Oh and I live in Chonburi City and go for months without seeing another Farang.

[transam]

People that refuse to wai at all, especially if the sentiment is based on some sort of nonsense such as...

It's not MY culture

Really have not a clue about where they are living and feel quite uncomfortable with the exchange.

The interlopers as I like to call them.

There are many times when a wai is not required / neccessary by mixed exchange. Sometimes not required as station as to a child or service staff.

People really should teach themselves how to wai properly and drop the sociopathy and classist attitude and return a wai.

You generally need not initiate it but it is this cultures form of handshake so to speak. Sometimes a nod is sufficient, sometimes not. Extending your hand instead of returning a wai to anyone but a young, Bangkokian male seems to me a total fail.

Seems also to me that the only people that should be on this thread are the people that actually live with Thai's. So...if you live in bubbleland Samui, Phuket, Pattaya and much of BKK and CM. Eat in farang restaurants, rent your companions by the hour, have no Thai friends or relatives, dont really travel farther than from barstool to toilet - your opinion is pretty worthless.

So why were women at my wifes all girl Bangkok boarding school reunion, all about 37 years old trying to shake my hand ?

Oh and I live in Chonburi City and go for months without seeing another Farang.

Educated in a farang custom.

[richard_smith237]

People that refuse to wai at all, especially if the sentiment is based on some sort of nonsense such as...

It's not MY culture

Really have not a clue about where they are living and feel quite uncomfortable with the exchange.

The interlopers as I like to call them.

There are many times when a wai is not required / neccessary by mixed exchange. Sometimes not required as station as to a child or service staff.

People really should teach themselves how to wai properly and drop the sociopathy and classist attitude and return a wai.

You generally need not initiate it but it is this cultures form of handshake so to speak. Sometimes a nod is sufficient, sometimes not. Extending your hand instead of returning a wai to anyone but a young, Bangkokian male seems to me a total fail.

Seems also to me that the only people that should be on this thread are the people that actually live with Thai's. So...if you live in bubbleland Samui, Phuket, Pattaya and much of BKK and CM. Eat in farang restaurants, rent your companions by the hour, have no Thai friends or relatives, dont really travel farther than from barstool to toilet - your opinion is pretty worthless.

So why were women at my wifes all girl Bangkok boarding school reunion, all about 37 years old trying to shake my hand ?

Oh and I live in Chonburi City and go for months without seeing another Farang.

Why do some of my Western and Thai friend's Wives Wai me and why do some just say hi ??... Yet they all exchange Wai's with my Wife ?

The variable is the obviously the 'Western' part... Some just don't know what to do, a lot like many Westerners, there is no culturally set precident. I simply respond in kind, if they Wai me, I return it, if they offer their hand, I shake it. When meeting an older Thai, I Wai them first - its really just that simple.

It depends solely on education and upbringing. So long as effort is made to be polite in the greeting be it a hand shake, a Wai or a 'simple hello how are you?' then generally speaking the only ones who will find offence are the ones looking for it... "If you look for negativity you will find it"

If someone doesn't Wai but shows politeness, i.e. a smile and handshake etc.. no one really should be getting offended.

The biggest part of the 'wai' picture is about being respectful....

Grunting and not doing anything in response, whether its ignoring a Wai, ignoring a handshake, or ignoring a 'hello how are you?' will earn you nothing but disrespect.... offering a Wai at the right time circumvents any doubt as to your intention to be polite.

Edited March 4, 2013 by richard_smith237

[TommoPhysicist]

People that refuse to wai at all, especially if the sentiment is based on some sort of nonsense such as...

It's not MY culture

Really have not a clue about where they are living and feel quite uncomfortable with the exchange.

The interlopers as I like to call them.

There are many times when a wai is not required / neccessary by mixed exchange. Sometimes not required as station as to a child or service staff.

People really should teach themselves how to wai properly and drop the sociopathy and classist attitude and return a wai.

You generally need not initiate it but it is this cultures form of handshake so to speak. Sometimes a nod is sufficient, sometimes not. Extending your hand instead of returning a wai to anyone but a young, Bangkokian male seems to me a total fail.

Seems also to me that the only people that should be on this thread are the people that actually live with Thai's. So...if you live in bubbleland Samui, Phuket, Pattaya and much of BKK and CM. Eat in farang restaurants, rent your companions by the hour, have no Thai friends or relatives, dont really travel farther than from barstool to toilet - your opinion is pretty worthless.

And you live in "much of BKK" I'm guessing with all the other white boys.

[transam]

Must add, ALL my wife's friends Wai her what ever their age, the younger ones always say ''Pe'' before her name. I know a Thai lady married to a rich farang, younger than my mrs. that lived in farangland for years and never Wai's, my mrs soon put a stop to that, stepped up to her face, with a smile, and Wai'd her. That lady now always Wai's the mrs.

[arthurwait]

People that refuse to wai at all, especially if the sentiment is based on some sort of nonsense such as...

It's not MY culture

Really have not a clue about where they are living and feel quite uncomfortable with the exchange.

The interlopers as I like to call them.

There are many times when a wai is not required / neccessary by mixed exchange. Sometimes not required as station as to a child or service staff.

People really should teach themselves how to wai properly and drop the sociopathy and classist attitude and return a wai.

You generally need not initiate it but it is this cultures form of handshake so to speak. Sometimes a nod is sufficient, sometimes not. Extending your hand instead of returning a wai to anyone but a young, Bangkokian male seems to me a total fail.

Seems also to me that the only people that should be on this thread are the people that actually live with Thai's. So...if you live in bubbleland Samui, Phuket, Pattaya and much of BKK and CM. Eat in farang restaurants, rent your companions by the hour, have no Thai friends or relatives, dont really travel farther than from barstool to toilet - your opinion is pretty worthless.

So why were women at my wifes all girl Bangkok boarding school reunion, all about 37 years old trying to shake my hand ?

Oh and I live in Chonburi City and go for months without seeing another Farang.

Why do some of my Western and Thai friend's Wives Wai me and why do some just say hi ??... Yet they all exchange Wai's with my Wife ?

The variable is the obviously the 'Western' part... Some just don't know what to do, a lot like many Westerners, there is no culturally set precident. I simply respond in kind, if they Wai me, I return it, if they offer their hand, I shake it. When meeting an older Thai, I Wai them first - its really just that simple.

It depends solely on education and upbringing. So long as effort is made to be polite in the greeting be it a hand shake, a Wai or a 'simple hello how are you?' then generally speaking the only ones who will find offence are the ones looking for it... "If you look for negativity you will find it"

If someone doesn't Wai but shows politeness, i.e. a smile and handshake etc.. no one really should be getting offended.

The biggest part of the 'wai' picture is about being respectful....

Grunting and not doing anything in response, whether its ignoring a Wai, ignoring a handshake, or ignoring a 'hello how are you?' will earn you nothing but disrespect.... offering a Wai at the right time circumvents any doubt as to your intention to be polite.

That about sums it up. So offering a handshake isn't a total fail.

Anyway I'm off to Khao San road to buy some fisherman trousers.

[Crossy]

Some off-topic and argumentative posts have been deleted, let's keep it on-topic and civil chaps, it is after all about one of the most civil aspects of Thai culture.

Back on-topic.

Who, when and how high to wai seems incredibly complex, I doubt any of us will ever get to the bottom of it.

I do the following, I don't believe it's ever got me into trouble with Wifey or anyone else for that matter:-

• I never initiate a wai, except to the MiL who's a lovely old dear and always responds with a wai and a big hug. This avoids (or at least reduces) the wai/handshake confusion, respond to whatever the other side does.
• I always return a wai except when it's from service staff or small children (when it seems not to be expected).

I you're in an unfamiliar situation (like meetings with government ministers although they invariably want to shake hands anyway) follow what the locals do, Thais are incredibly forgiving of us foreigners when it comes to protocol.

Above all don't get hung up on it and go with the flow.

[utalkin2me]

Upon exiting a cheap hotel room, I may wai a younger than me Thai lady if she has exhibited her durability throughout the evening. I may even do the full bow wai.

Edited March 4, 2013 by utalkin2me

[Bernard Manning]

Upon exiting a cheap hotel room, I may wai a younger than me Thai lady if she has exhibited her durability throughout the evening. I may even do the full bow wai.

There's a good lad.

[Crossy]

Upon exiting a cheap hotel room, I may wai a younger than me Thai lady if she has exhibited her durability throughout the evening. I may even do the full bow wai.

There's a good lad.

Actually is it not the lady who should be doing the low wai? Or was that earlier in the transaction?

[SparklingCascades]

Why are we having a debate about Thai wai's?

Just like people shake hands, land a peek on a cheek or nod, smile.......Thai's, we, work out instinctively when to wai and when to wave.

No great science to it and not a great deal of analysis !

Importantly, nobody is offended if there's more substance to people than meets the eye.

[Heng]

as a Thai... I rarely wai anyone but will return 90% of most wais. Will wai my parents and father/mother in law if I haven't seen them for more than a few days but that's pretty much it. On a tangent... I most certainly don't wai 'things.' (trees, pictures, posters, birdhouses, sculptures of dead religious figures, etc.)

IMO it's perfectly acceptable to verbally respond to a wai from children, employees, etc.

[bangkokburning]

Just remember this about the wai:

Thais are very non judgenental about it as you are a foreigner. They totally understand they its not your culture. Having dsid that...why not TRY.

Extend a wai as your wife/gf does to people you come in contact with

You only need initiate a wai in rarest of circumstances

You do not need wai a monk if you are not comforatble with it.

You definately do not need wai cops, immigration or consular flunkies

Don't wai prostitutes for Lord Buddah's sake

Do not wai drivers, service staff, etc...

Some service staff deserve a nod such as the hostess as you board a flight

*Never extend your hand to a strange woman, even an aquaintence.

Wai-ing a child is fine but the child should wai first and it should be quick, informal. It's nice to return a wai to small children imo because that Thai child has just respected you - farang. I would return a casual, quick wai in hopes it is a reward for good manners. I return the wai to encourage the small childs good manners and respect of me, the white guy. Also bit of respect to parents as sometimes kids are prodded a bit as shy.

The thing everyone wants to avoid is looking like an idiot. So...

Never wai hookers or taxi drivers

Never wai deeply, keep ot simple

The expression of clasping hands in a (slight) bow is common throughout Asia. It's a way of communicating without touching peoples dirty hands. People do things certain way for a reason. Custom is often born of utility.

[doggie888888]

when in Rome do what the Romans do... the wai is the same as out handshake , then why not do it .. it is not big deal , it shows the people of this country respect just as we would like them to do in our countries.

I have heard many long-term foreigners here say "do as the Romans do" when it comes to not wearing helmets, driving drunk, and generally ill-behaving in ways that they would not dream of in their own countries. Yet when it comes to customs/traditions, something so important as to how to greet properly and show respect, they can't be bothered. Not talking about tourists or short term visitors.

Worst are the long term residents who married locals and can't be bothered about wais and other Thai traditions. And they have the gall to complain that they are treated as second-class, uncivilised, uneducated citizens and only tolerated as providers. Well, that's a fact, isn't it?

[Ace of Pop]

Don't wai anyone, it's not your custom.

PS

I don't kneel in the gutter with my shoes off in front of monks ....... it's not my custom.

Soooooooooooo if you were introduced to a Thai in farangland and YOU offered your hand as a sign of friendship, via our custom, and it was ignored, what would YOUR thoughts be ?

Bloody foreigners.shoot em all....................well u did ask

I dont Wai anyone, its hard with a Beer Can permenantly in Hand

[TommoPhysicist]

when in Rome do what the Romans do... the wai is the same as out handshake , then why not do it .. it is not big deal , it shows the people of this country respect just as we would like them to do in our countries.

I have heard many long-term foreigners here say "do as the Romans do" when it comes to not wearing helmets, driving drunk, and generally ill-behaving in ways that they would not dream of in their own countries. Yet when it comes to customs/traditions, something so important as to how to greet properly and show respect, they can't be bothered. Not talking about tourists or short term visitors.

Worst are the long term residents who married locals and can't be bothered about wais and other Thai traditions. And they have the gall to complain that they are treated as second-class, uncivilised, uneducated citizens and only tolerated as providers. Well, that's a fact, isn't it?

I find those foreigners who wai everyone are usually treated with most contempt.