Help With Dating A Thai Lady

[VanDaGo]

Hello Thai Visa forum users.

Writing to ask for some help and advice.

First a little bit about my background.

I am 36 years old. I live in Denmark. I am half Danish and half Thai.

In Denmark the culture of dating today is hard to get and being a real tough guy, not being romantic and slightly rude.

I Travel a lot forth and back to Thailand. My parents are old so i cannot ask them on dating advice.

I was in Thailand at end July last year. The last day I met a very nice thai lady working at the Hotel (5 star) as a supervisor of food and beverage. Just a very short meet we talked for like 30 min. And of I went to the airport. She got my number if she wish to contact me. I did not get any info. I asked her if she had boyfriend she said yes a french guy but it was on break.

I returned to Denmark hoping to hear from her. A week passed by and finally i heard from her. Damn i was happy.

We started writing back and forth and i decided to visit her end oct. 2012. I go there for 14 days and see her the 4 of the days. She sleept over a few nights, but very cautious on what we did.

It all seemed like it went fine. we keept on writing together after I came back. But after a few months I began getting worried that I would get hurt ( I have been many times)

She and I wanted to see each other again to get each other better to know. She wanted it to be as friends, and I said we can be friends for the time I see her again and after that it is either more or nothing.

In Denmark building up frindship always lead to friendship, seldom more.

Now I am in Thailand. I have met with her. We went to Chiang Mai together for 2 days. Had a great time.

I asked her how it went with her and her French boyfriend, she said she did not know but was going to she him next month, :-( to find out where it should lead. They have known each other for 8 years. Out of the 8 years she lived 8 months with him in france last year. After that they decided for a break.

She asked if we could continue as friends. We have been involved more than what accounts for friendship.

I said no, I dont want friendship, because of my background and experience in Denmark.

What shall i do?

Do i build up a friendship and hope to win her heart? Is that the way one do in Thailand?

I am not a player.

Hope to get some good advice, keeping in mind what is sensibel to do and the Thai culture, which i dont understand.

Have a nice day.

[VanDaGo]

I am sorry but i dont quite get what you mean.

What is your advice?? :-)

[TommoPhysicist]

My advice ...... lock the topic.

[kurnell]

Which hotel does she work at and what is her position?

[smokie36]

My advice ...... lock the topic.

A tad early for that.

My advice is to date as many women as possible for the next three months. You will soon forget about this complicated business and be having fun to boot.

Next.....!

[VanDaGo]

Hotel level same as Sofitel, Novotel, Marriott, I wont mention hotel name. But position as supervisor of food and beverages.

[VanDaGo]

If one lock the topic what is the reason to have a forum where u can ask for help???

If it is not relevant or ok, pls say so and i will delete thread and profile.

[CWMcMurray]

Ok I'll bite...

She wants to keep you as a 'back up' just in case things do no lt work out with her boyfriend

As you mention, she has been on again/off again with her boyfriend for the last 8 years... So if you want to put you life on hold and in standby... Go ahead and continue as you have been doing

If it was me, I would tell her my feelings and let her know that I can not just put my life on hold until she decides what she is going to do with her boyfriend

Would tell her to give me a call if and when she is really broken up, but you will continue to live your life and will not wait for her

If she calls and you are also single, then you can see what happens from there

Sent from my iPhone using ThaiVisa app

[aTomsLife]

You met a woman with a "boyfriend" who is willing to see you anyway. It figures when things become strained -- likely due to the distance -- she will do the same to you. And given what you've shared about yourself, yes, you will get hurt.

Long distance relationships suck in general, even if your partner is but an hour or two away. Different countries, well...

That you even have to post here speaks volumes. You're already not getting what you need from this relationship. And given your history with this woman, if one day you do find you are getting all you need, you'll probably also discover that you're now worrying whether her sincerity has an expiration date.

In order for a healthy relationship most people, not just women, need physical contact, and not just the sexual kind. When you argue, sometimes a glancing look of sorrow is all one needs to remedy things. Long distance eliminates that possibility. Her being Thai has little to do with things, I think.

[VanDaGo]

Thank you McMurray. :-)

I will do so.

[MrRed]

Which hotel does she work at and what is her position?

Are you her French boyfriend

[VanDaGo]

You met a woman with a "boyfriend" who is willing to see you anyway. It figures when things become strained -- likely due to the distance -- she will do the same to you. And given what you've shared about yourself, yes, you will get hurt.

Long distance relationships suck in general, even if your partner is but an hour or two away. Different countries, well...

That you even have to post here speaks volumes. You're already not getting what you need from this relationship. And given your history with this woman, even if one day you find you are getting all you need, you'll probably also discover that now you're worrying that she her sincerity has an expiration date.

In order for a healthy relationship most people, not just women, need physical contact, and not just the sexual kind. When you argue, sometimes a glancing look of sorrow is all one needs to remedy things. Long distance eliminates that possibility. Her being Thai has little to do with things, I think.

Thank you, i just need some sense right now since i am on the stupid wagon

[MidoriApple]

My advice ...... lock the topic.

A tad early for that.

My advice is to date as many women as possible for the next three months. You will soon forget about this complicated business and be having fun to boot.

Next.....!

I agree with this idea.

Forget about her, she doesn't feel the same way as you.

Continue being friend? Only if you can be only friend to her, no point to wait for her heart, a lot of fish in the sea

Let's consider this as a good memery in Thailand for you,

at least you don't get cheat on from bad Thai women as many do here in Thailand.

Good luck

[aTomsLife]

VanDaGo, on 10 Mar 2013 - 18:05, said:

aTomsLife, on 10 Mar 2013 - 18:03, said:

You met a woman with a "boyfriend" who is willing to see you anyway. It figures when things become strained -- likely due to the distance -- she will do the same to you. And given what you've shared about yourself, yes, you will get hurt.

Long distance relationships suck in general, even if your partner is but an hour or two away. Different countries, well...

That you even have to post here speaks volumes. You're already not getting what you need from this relationship. And given your history with this woman, even if one day you find you are getting all you need, you'll probably also discover that now you're worrying that she her sincerity has an expiration date.

In order for a healthy relationship most people, not just women, need physical contact, and not just the sexual kind. When you argue, sometimes a glancing look of sorrow is all one needs to remedy things. Long distance eliminates that possibility. Her being Thai has little to do with things, I think.

Thank you, i just need some sense right now since i am on the stupid wagon

No problem at all. I speak from experience, not a soap box. I am in the process of ending things with a woman who lives in a city 6 hours from me. This is my second long distance relationship, my first being when I was 22. When the first ended, I promised myself NEVER AGAIN, but even at 33, I guess being smitten caused me a trip on the stupid wagon myself.

[VanDaGo]

My advice ...... lock the topic.

A tad early for that.

My advice is to date as many women as possible for the next three months. You will soon forget about this complicated business and be having fun to boot.

Next.....!

I agree with this idea.

Forget about her, she doesn't feel the same way as you.

Continue being friend? Only if you can be only friend to her, no point to wait for her heart, a lot of fish in the sea

Let's consider this as a good memery in Thailand for you,

at least you don't get cheat on from bad Thai women as many do here in Thailand.

Good luck

Thank you. :-)

[aussiebebe]

My advice is to try to see things from the woman's position; in a hotel, 'supervisor' is just a title someone give you to get you to do things for free - she may work in a 5-star hotel but her basic salary is likely paltry - try to imagine what you would do if you were on such long hours for such little money. Where would you live? how would you see your future?
You may be able to consider her perspective; she has a French guy willing to fly her round the world and she's angling a way to a comfortable life so you're in friendship-lagoon my friend. You'd do the same if you were her.

[HeijoshinCool]

Which hotel does she work at and what is her position?

I get the impression she has many positions.

[krisb]

Her position lol:D

[krisb]

Hey perhaps she can at least get you free room upgrades at least

[Banzai99]

You do know the average age of Farangs on ThaiVisa don't you, what could you possibly have in common with them in regards to relationships in Thailand ?

Would I ask my grandfather for advice on todays young women ?

[rene123]

These topics come up so regularly that many people consider them trolls. Maybe they are and maybe not. You already got some good advice from ATomslife and McMurray. You are probably a backup if the French guy doesn't pan out. Or, the French guy is a back up if your relationship doesn't work out. Thai women have been burned so many times that they are wary and don't look further than the next so called "date".

[VanDaGo]

I am not trolling. That would be wasting my and your time. I am asking out of inexperience with the thai culture. :-)

[VanDaGo]

How old are you?

I guess about 12.

36....

[HardenedSoul]

The guy's been put on standby by a woman simply looking to hedge her bets.

He shouldn't bother telling her his feelings - trust me, she already knows

Being on a break from her boyfriend, she's had all the opportunity in the world to be with him but, for whatever reason, she's chosen not to take him up on his offer

The guy should just move on

[VanDaGo]

The guy's been put on standby by a woman simply looking to hedge her bets.

He shouldn't bother telling her his feelings - trust me, she already knows

Being on a break from her boyfriend, she's had all the opportunity in the world to be with him but, for whatever reason, she's chosen not to take him up on his offer

The guy should just move on

I will do so. Thank you. :-)

[VanDaGo]

VanDaGo, on 10 Mar 2013 - 18:05, said:

aTomsLife, on 10 Mar 2013 - 18:03, said:

You met a woman with a "boyfriend" who is willing to see you anyway. It figures when things become strained -- likely due to the distance -- she will do the same to you. And given what you've shared about yourself, yes, you will get hurt.

Long distance relationships suck in general, even if your partner is but an hour or two away. Different countries, well...

That you even have to post here speaks volumes. You're already not getting what you need from this relationship. And given your history with this woman, even if one day you find you are getting all you need, you'll probably also discover that now you're worrying that she her sincerity has an expiration date.

In order for a healthy relationship most people, not just women, need physical contact, and not just the sexual kind. When you argue, sometimes a glancing look of sorrow is all one needs to remedy things. Long distance eliminates that possibility. Her being Thai has little to do with things, I think.

Thank you, i just need some sense right now since i am on the stupid wagon

No problem at all. I speak from experience, not a soap box. I am in the process of ending things with a woman who lives in a city 6 hours from me. This is my second long distance relationship, my first being when I was 22. When the first ended, I promised myself NEVER AGAIN, but even at 33, I guess being smitten caused me a trip on the stupid wagon myself.

Sorry to hear. Best wishes from here.

[VanDaGo]

You do know the average age of Farangs on ThaiVisa don't you, what could you possibly have in common with them in regards to relationships in Thailand ?

Would I ask my grandfather for advice on todays young women ?

No i don´t. :-) And no i won´t.

[bunta71]

You do know the average age of Farangs on ThaiVisa don't you, what could you possibly have in common with them in regards to relationships in Thailand ?

Would I ask my grandfather for advice on todays young women ?

Some of us grandfathers do quite well with proven techniques that take quite some time to perfect. At least some of us grandfather types do not have to ask for advice in these matters. And yes there are some who do. In my experience when a woman speaks the "friends only" phrase, you are wasting time and more important emotions. Run Forest Run

[trainman34014]

Right; now you can lock it as from now on all replies will be a waste of space !

[lovelaos]

The old "just friends" line is a hard 1 to swallow if you are looking for more.

It should set the alarm bells ringing, unless that is what you are looking for, which you are obviously not.

Move on before you fall hook line and sinker.