The Secret To Dating A Thai Woman...

[Toscano]

My advice is " Don't " !!!

It doesn't matter who they are , nearly all of them are more interested in your money than you .

My wife and I have been happy together for nine years , married for seven . My wife is headteacher of a school , so educated? , and has her own salary . She is a beautiful woman at 52yrs now to my 76yrs , but has gone off sex . I have to insist on my conjugal rights . I give money every month , but pay for everything . Don't keep too much in your wallet at any time .

If you must , because they are often so physically beautiful , it takes enough gold given , to get into their knickers . Don't give a large sum to marry them , don't bring a lot of money to Thailand , buy a lot of land , build a fancy house , all of which she will own . My wife had her own house and land , children already grown up and away from home . I have upgraded the existing house from virtually a barn to a comfortable gentleman's residence . I do have some investments , but I just bring a basic amount required to Thailand and we live simply but comfortable , no extravagances .

If you are coming to Thailand for sex , go to a resort , find a bargirl who knows how to do it ; don't believe any of the personal or family hard luck stories and whatever you do don't marry the girl .

[atyclb]

The importance of her family is something a lot of guys underestimate and do not understand or respect. Do not ask her to go against her family, particularly her parents.

There is a HUGE difference between dating Thai women and Thai-Chinese women. In general guys marry into the Thai family and girls marry out of the Thai Chinese family. When a Thai Chinese son marries a woman they often continue to live in the family's house. When a Thai Chinese girl marries a foreigner she is marrying out of her family. BUT she will still go for Sunday dinner and continue to give red envelopes to the family. If they are already well off (many Thai Chinese are) then for the most part they will expect the foreigner to be treating their daughter well. And that is all of it.

Marrying into Thai family will (more often than not) mean you are going to be viewed as a supporter. Naturally if the family is poor (and a lot of Thai families from up country are poor) then they will see the marriage as good for the financial future of the family.

HERE IS A SECRET:

If you marry a Thai girl from up country and they want to send money home... set up an understanding from the beginning. Be CLEAR and STRONG. Agree to send a small amount regularly to the mom or brother or a few of them. BUT tell them they need to manage it. If they have a car accident, DO NOT COME ASKING FOR MORE. Under no circumstances get involved in the bail out wash cycle.

And do not loan money. Never. Unless you can get collateral and are prepared to give it away. This is violation of SECRET hint above.

Did you forget the "pre-nuptial agreement" ?

[TimRichards2k]

Good piece. However for some more in-depth cross-cultural info there's a book called "Thailand Fever" - it's yellow with red lettering and most bookstores will have it.

The name of the book is a bit awkward I think but it's a good read. It has English on one page and the Thai translation on the facing page and is meant to help falang-Thai relationships "cross the cultural divide". It was recommended to me and I agree with about 90% of the content, far as I can judge it. Worth to have a look at, can be useful for both partners.

I believe that the Left-hand page explains in English [or other Western language] all about Thai Culture and Thai perspective on any one matter, for the Westerner to read. On the Right hand page in Thai language is an explanation of Western Culture and the Western perspective regarding the same matter or topic, for the Thai partner to read. That way, each side gets a better understanding of their partners way of thinking, and so improves the relationship by helping both sides to understand the other somewhat better. I bought many copies of this book over the years to give to couples to help them understand the very different ways we all think and react to different situations. Well worth buying!

[givenall]

Also I believe in hit and run

[arthurwait]

The importance of her family is something a lot of guys underestimate and do not understand or respect. Do not ask her to go against her family, particularly her parents.

There is a HUGE difference between dating Thai women and Thai-Chinese women. In general guys marry into the Thai family and girls marry out of the Thai Chinese family. When a Thai Chinese son marries a woman they often continue to live in the family's house. When a Thai Chinese girl marries a foreigner she is marrying out of her family. BUT she will still go for Sunday dinner and continue to give red envelopes to the family. If they are already well off (many Thai Chinese are) then for the most part they will expect the foreigner to be treating their daughter well. And that is all of it.

Marrying into Thai family will (more often than not) mean you are going to be viewed as a supporter. Naturally if the family is poor (and a lot of Thai families from up country are poor) then they will see the marriage as good for the financial future of the family.

HERE IS A SECRET:

If you marry a Thai girl from up country and they want to send money home... set up an understanding from the beginning. Be CLEAR and STRONG. Agree to send a small amount regularly to the mom or brother or a few of them. BUT tell them they need to manage it. If they have a car accident, DO NOT COME ASKING FOR MORE. Under no circumstances get involved in the bail out wash cycle.

And do not loan money. Never. Unless you can get collateral and are prepared to give it away. This is violation of SECRET hint above.

My MIL's parents came from China, My FIL was Thai.

Where does that leave me ?

[crazykopite]

All Fools day is next week !!!!!!!!!!!!

[kdw512]

"If a Thai woman is seen with a Western boyfriend, a lot of people think she is a BG" - - - - "if you are one of those Western men, that can't seem to make things work with women from your own culture,"

Two senteces from the same text that look better when combined...

[JLCrab]

My prescription to a long-term relationship as an older guy with a much younger attractive Thai of the female persuasion. You often times enough tell her:

If you hang out with me and maybe we go out tonight, I'll give you 1000 baht. If you want to hang out with your Thai girl friends and leave me alone for (most of) the evening, I'll give you 2000 baht.

I have lived in Thailand for 14 years. I have never had a Thai gf ask me for money. ever. I have had paid sex workers (more than a few) make an agreement with me for money beforehand. I know this is weird. But I have only dated up country uneducated women a couple times. But in 14 years I figure I have dated over a hundred Thai girls of different backgrounds... mostly middle class and a few upper class. Not sure why I am so lucky. Now I am married and we share the money and neither spends crazy or plays games with money.

They say the number one reason why relationships break up (marriages especially) is fights over money. I guess your system works for you. You have an agreement with the girl and she knows like pavlov's dog what she can get either way.

I was describing a relationship where there is a major age difference ... and things work out quite well, thank you, but I don't intend to describe in detail. As for Pavlov's dogs comment, I'll just say that it's usually the Thai & farang males, when they see these girls, who do the drooling.

As for the money comments, to me they smack of the Oscar Wilde line of the person " ... who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing."

In 10 years in Thailand, I have been with 2 Thai women, not over a hundred. Still am. Maybe I just know how to pick'em.

Edited March 22, 2013 by JLCrab

[LotusBoy]

PMSL

And then he woke up and realised it was only a dream....Only here you can give some chillies as a gift. a work of pure master genius sh**e......

[Dazzletoad]

I make it clear with any girl I am with that I am not only in the game for sex, though sex is extremely important. I don't believe in 'dating', unless this tag is there as a substitute for spending time together. You know everything you need to within the first few seconds of meeting a woman, or man, and you go from there.

I despise people who say don't kiss or try to have sex on the first 'date'. We are human beings and animals of pure sexual desire and need for contact (among other things). Not kissing is part of culture in the east, but let me tell you I know many Thai girls of 'moral upstanding' who aren't anything like these fairy tale eastern girls you are dreaming up. They could not be further from the opposite.

I will quote Christopher Hitchens if I may, 'Anyone who says they don't like sex are either lying, or dead'.

If you really want to respect Thai culture and traditions, understand that they, as Christians spout, don't like sex before marriage. So don't try to dip your wick before you wed them then.

The problem with your post is it follows stereotypes and is very subjective and selective, if you want to respect someone to this degree go the whole hog, don't just woo them until you get your woman because we all know where it goes from there.

Be human. Be free. Enjoy life for what it is and don't pay attention to cultural restraints and do's and don'ts. If you like a girl, show her in your own way, just be polite and let the good times roll.

[Lizard0]

There are many good points in this thread. No one set of rules apply, because there are too many variables. Yes there are loose girls, who prob have many gik, and there are the ones that would never ever go against their parents.

Parents are not up for pregnant daughter before marriage lol. They loose face and the options for her get smaller and smaller.

I'm dating a middle-class girl. She works (too much imho) at a bank. Chinese dad, Thai mother.

Some comments about money are true, but only to the extent that all women look for security in choosing a mate. Not necessarily "hey I'm rich" but just to know that you can take care of shit. This is baked into their DNA.

She could easily be with any big wig that deals at the bank, because she knows what they are worth I make decent money back home, but I am far from rich.

Many will choose love and to be genuinely loved. To be treated fairly and not as a possession. I know 100% do not like the Mia Noi deal either, but they can't go against culture lol

I am a gentleman and promised to never put her through that humiliation that her mom had to ...

I also dress appropriately when I go out. Not as some tourist, and I honor their traditions. I do not want her to be seen as anything but a true lady. (although it seems 90% of girls have to dress somewhat slutty here lol) Maybe its just the temp. Seems a true Thai lady does keep her shoulders covered at all times ... even with a short skirt and a bit of cleavage

The book 'Thailand Fever' was right maybe half the time in my situation. Maybe it would be 100% if her parents were both Thai, or not middle class .. I dunno. But don't put full belief into it. ijs

Edited March 22, 2013 by Lizard0

[UbonOz]

[kdw512]

Thai or western, what all women want is commitment. The difference is, you marry a Thai woman, you married the village. The green card is a good benefit too. But hey, if you like girls can't relate to women from your own culture, what better than a girl who can't speak your language? You can love someone in so many levels...

[Steiner]

And which plastic planet are you from ? needs , wants , dreams ,desires ? bro its cash, simple fact indeed if the wallet is empty so are you .disagree with me ? then go tell a woman u have no cash etc see how far that gets you .maybe she will politely smile and say its ok but no money does indeed means no honey

You my friend hang around the wrong areas and the wrong sort of women ,if you date hookers then you are dead right ,but when you meet and make friends with decent Thais its a different game altogether.

rubbish..... money money money...... BG or not

Lived here for years, not a part timer that trawls the low life areas.

Dated a lot of girls, any that remotely looked like they were interested in money were given a quick exit.

Never (to my knowledge) been near a BG and only dated Thai girls with a job that didn't concern being on their back or knees.

Even when I was broke there were a number that wanted to stay with me forever and would try to pay for things if we were out.

On the whole I have found Thai girls less materialistic than western girls, if they worry about a guy doing well at work or showing common sense with money well why wouldn't they? There is no social or welfare structure in place when people get old so why would they sign up for a loser.

When I met my Mrs she was making more money than me, never asked me for a satang. Now we have companies that do well and I have a good income even by western standards and I make more money than I ever did in my life. Still never asks for a thing, most supportive woman I ever met, 10 years younger than me and had a successful career before I met her.

If you learn to speak some Thai and stay away from hookers you might be surprised by what you find out there.

If you lay down with dogs you will get fleas, plain and simple...

[Minnehaha]

My prescription to a long-term relationship as an older guy with a much younger attractive Thai of the female persuasion. You often times enough tell her:

If you hang out with me and maybe we go out tonight, I'll give you 1000 baht. If you want to hang out with your Thai girl friends and leave me alone for (most of) the evening, I'll give you 2000 baht.

I have lived in Thailand for 14 years. I have never had a Thai gf ask me for money. ever. I have had paid sex workers (more than a few) make an agreement with me for money beforehand. I know this is weird. But I have only dated up country uneducated women a couple times. But in 14 years I figure I have dated over a hundred Thai girls of different backgrounds... mostly middle class and a few upper class. Not sure why I am so lucky. Now I am married and we share the money and neither spends crazy or plays games with money.

They say the number one reason why relationships break up (marriages especially) is fights over money. I guess your system works for you. You have an agreement with the girl and she knows like pavlov's dog what she can get either way.

I was describing a relationship where there is a major age difference ... and things work out quite well, thank you, but I don't intend to describe in detail. As for Pavlov's dogs comment, I'll just say that it's usually the Thai & farang males, when they see these girls, who do the drooling.

As for the money comments, to me they smack of the Oscar Wilde line of the person " ... who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing."

In 10 years in Thailand, I have been with 2 Thai women, not over a hundred. Still am. Maybe I just know how to pick'em.

and pay for them

[krisb]

Well said chitty, typically those who have been burned have to put their 2 cents in. Perhaps next time they will find a better girl. Don't blame Thai girls for your missing money, Australian girls have taken much more, ask my divorced mates. Sheesh!

[Dr Robert]

The counter argument to the utter nonsense published here, which is masquerading as good advice:

If you're a Thai woman who is interested in finding out how to date a Western Man, then you've come to the right place. Learning how to date a western man can help cut away hours of frustration and misunderstandings. Western men are just like any other man. They want unlimited sex, booze and to be respected for their voracious, Viagra fuelled appetites. Although Western men have a reputation for being fickle, selfish and generally stupid, the truth is that the average Western man seeking a Thai girlfriend also lacks morals and most values –but hell, they are still human.

As you learn to date a Western man, you may be confused by a lot of their ways-probably by most of them, because they are so alien to the two and a half thousand years of culture which provided you with a tried and tested way to view the world. Many Western men are outspoken, blunt because they are notably under-educated. They like to be confronted, especially after a long period of drinking at the bar. They are not easily embarrassed by their insensitivities (what-d-I do?). This may be translated by a Thai woman as a lack of honesty or sincerity, which will most likely be the truth. Western men of the culture which seeks a Thai girlfriend believe that it is better to say something negative or hurtful than say nothing at all

Western men usually drop their conservatism when they reach the kingdom because they are either sexual rejects by sensible women in their own culture, or they have been ejected from a failing marriage and so they lose the filter for decency that underpinned their upbringing. The average western man will sleep with you on the first date. It is considered a very good thing for a western man to be seen as sexually promiscuous. He will receive much approbation and back slapping from his expat buddies.

Another problem that exists is prejudice. If a Western man is seen with a Thai girlfriend, a lot of people think he is an ATM or wealthy, despite the fact that he is a balding sweaty overweight behemoth who has squeezed himself into cheap shorts bought outside the Nana BTS. This occurs even though she may really love her boyfriend or husband and has met him under very wholesome circumstances during a vacation on Walking Street. This prejudice is on both Thai and Western sides.

Because of all of this, you want to be sure that you treat your Western man with respect, honor and love. When he asks you out for a date, gently and discreetly accept expensive gifts, chatter incessantly on your I-phone, play face book and generally look bored (except when you are hungry) Expect sexual advances on the first, second, or even third date so he knows that you know he is no gentleman with sincere motives.

The only difference in learning how to date a Western man is understanding more about his culture and heritage, because inherently, he is still a man and therefore will love and dislike the very same things that so many other men do.

As a side note, if you are one of those Thai women, that can't seem to make things work with men from your own culture, then going to Western men, may not be an easy answer. Although western men are in general considered more masculine and sexy, at least by themselves after they have consumed a great deal of alcohol, the still have needs, wants, dreams and desires like any other man. Learning how to date a western man is not that much different than learning how to date any relatively wealthy man whose scruples have been compromised and who is out to exploit uneducated women in an impoverished third world country.

[HerbalEd]

While the "average Thai woman" may be "a person of morals, values and most importantly, is still a human being" ... so are many of the Thai BGs. And also, there are many bad "average Thai women" as well as bad BGs.

I've been with many Thai BGs and many "average" Thai women and while some of the "average" ones are indeed conservative, when it comes to dating and sex, many of them are masters at flirtation and getting things moving towards the bedroom. It's a new era and the modern Thai woman ... from rice-farmer's daughter to hi-so .... can be quite forward, but unlike her western counterpart does so with much femininity and grace.

[Scorpio1949]

CCC: very nicely written, agree mostly with you.

And which plastic planet are you from ? needs , wants , dreams ,desires ? bro its cash, simple fact indeed if the wallet is empty so are you .disagree with me ? then go tell a woman u have no cash etc see how far that gets you .maybe she will politely smile and say its ok but no money does indeed means no honey

greg: and where is the difference between Thai and "other" women? tell your GF at home that you're broke and see how long she stays with you...

Actually I had to do that some time ago and my Thai wife is still here and not was one minute considering to leave........

[blazes]

All replies to this thread will simply reflect each person's own experience. So, all answers are "correct".

I have had 7 intimate relationships with middle-class Thai women from Thai Love Links. (Sex always came on either the first or the second meeting.)

Thai women are no different from western women when it comes to sex. Some like it a lot, some are ho-hum, but one thing that makes them more enjoyable than a westerner is their post-coital behaviour. There is none of this culturally-induced "hug me, hold me close to show you really love me" crap that the western woman inflicts on the male. The Thai woman is matter-of-fact about sex. After some vigorous exercise on the horizontal, she will be quite happy to get up and get on with her tasks, whatever they may be. Meanwhile, I can have the gentle snooze that ejaculation seems to demand of my body.

Money does play a huge part in male/female relationships here, but so it does also in the West (just ask anyone who has been through the divorce court). But that's ok: it's like a contract, where you take care me and I take care you. That is, the Western male will continue to give money, and the Thai woman will give you a lot of "services" which would cost you an arm and a leg if you had to pay for each one individually.

It is difficult to estimate how much a Thai woman's "love" is dependent on money handed over. My own impression is that if you are above all GENEROUS, and don't try to be "stinky" [a cheap skate], you will in return receive all the generosity that they are capable of.

Commitment is a problem, no matter whether the woman is Thai or western. But that is another thread altogether.....

[HardenedSoul]

And which plastic planet are you from ? needs , wants , dreams ,desires ? bro its cash, simple fact indeed if the wallet is empty so are you .disagree with me ? then go tell a woman u have no cash etc see how far that gets you .maybe she will politely smile and say its ok but no money does indeed means no honey

You my friend hang around the wrong areas and the wrong sort of women ,if you date hookers then you are dead right ,but when you meet and make friends with decent Thais its a different game altogether.

rubbish..... money money money...... BG or not

Ah the time-honoured cry of the hapless loser.

This, gentlemen, is the type of man to whom all those "Thai-girl-done-me-wrong" stories can be attributed.

With little or nothing in the way of a personality to gain or retain a woman's interest or genuine affection, he holds cash up as the great leveller.

Of course, his bundle of crumpled notes yield slim pickings in the West where his intended target's net worth potentially dwarfs his own but here in Thailand, even his modest means serve to turbocharge his confidence, inflate his chest and leave him with the distinct impression that he really is a top-notch guy after all and it was only those Western heifers holding him back all this time.

[Berkshire]

The counter argument to the utter nonsense published here, which is masquerading as good advice:

If you're a Thai woman who is interested in finding out how to date a Western Man, then you've come to the right place. Learning how to date a western man can help cut away hours of frustration and misunderstandings. Western men are just like any other man. They want unlimited sex, booze and to be respected for their voracious, Viagra fuelled appetites. Although Western men have a reputation for being fickle, selfish and generally stupid, the truth is that the average Western man seeking a Thai girlfriend also lacks morals and most values –but hell, they are still human.

As you learn to date a Western man, you may be confused by a lot of their ways-probably by most of them, because they are so alien to the two and a half thousand years of culture which provided you with a tried and tested way to view the world. Many Western men are outspoken, blunt because they are notably under-educated. They like to be confronted, especially after a long period of drinking at the bar. They are not easily embarrassed by their insensitivities (what-d-I do?). This may be translated by a Thai woman as a lack of honesty or sincerity, which will most likely be the truth. Western men of the culture which seeks a Thai girlfriend believe that it is better to say something negative or hurtful than say nothing at all

Western men usually drop their conservatism when they reach the kingdom because they are either sexual rejects by sensible women in their own culture, or they have been ejected from a failing marriage and so they lose the filter for decency that underpinned their upbringing. The average western man will sleep with you on the first date. It is considered a very good thing for a western man to be seen as sexually promiscuous. He will receive much approbation and back slapping from his expat buddies.

Another problem that exists is prejudice. If a Western man is seen with a Thai girlfriend, a lot of people think he is an ATM or wealthy, despite the fact that he is a balding sweaty overweight behemoth who has squeezed himself into cheap shorts bought outside the Nana BTS. This occurs even though she may really love her boyfriend or husband and has met him under very wholesome circumstances during a vacation on Walking Street. This prejudice is on both Thai and Western sides.

Because of all of this, you want to be sure that you treat your Western man with respect, honor and love. When he asks you out for a date, gently and discreetly accept expensive gifts, chatter incessantly on your I-phone, play face book and generally look bored (except when you are hungry) Expect sexual advances on the first, second, or even third date so he knows that you know he is no gentleman with sincere motives.

The only difference in learning how to date a Western man is understanding more about his culture and heritage, because inherently, he is still a man and therefore will love and dislike the very same things that so many other men do.

As a side note, if you are one of those Thai women, that can't seem to make things work with men from your own culture, then going to Western men, may not be an easy answer. Although western men are in general considered more masculine and sexy, at least by themselves after they have consumed a great deal of alcohol, the still have needs, wants, dreams and desires like any other man. Learning how to date a western man is not that much different than learning how to date any relatively wealthy man whose scruples have been compromised and who is out to exploit uneducated women in an impoverished third world country.

Wow. Pretty heavy duty stuff. You're going to seriously bruise some egos....

[HaleySabai]

Well written and agreeable on most points. (not from "Dr.Robert"....who clearly needs a doctor himself)

As for the guy who parachutes down and lands onto a nice comfy bar stool with a sultry,slender seductress wafering over to him with a smile and a cold beer,the fantasy Vs. the reality of the Thai-women's character can be severely blurred.

The dualistic nature of Thai-society is most apparent here.

I dated my Thai-wife almost 10yrs before we got married and started a family, now living a beautiful life in ChiangMai and enjoying every minute of it.

Yup,she is a keeper...... never talks about money and gets it on like the Easter Bunny

For all you guys out there walking on the slippery-rocks of relationship development here in Thailand

you do need more than "luck"......but Good Luck. anyways!

Edited March 22, 2013 by HaleySabai

[Mangkhut]

How to date a thai woman?

It would have been much more interesting if someone wrote a piece that was called "How not to end up with a thai woman"

Almost all of my single (and even some of the taken ones as well...... ) male friends, friends of friends and friends of friends of friends and other aquintances that has ever gone to Thailand seem to end up with a thai spouse in the end. It seems almost impossible to avoid these women.....

[Lizard0]

^ LOL!

I watched the documentary called 'Big Trouble in Tourist Thailand' and I was like .... <deleted> is this where every bit of drunk and ignorant white trash ends up?

No wonder farang has a bad name to most Thai. Anyways I have yet to be in one of the 'tourist towns'. Avoiding the guilt by association

[JLCrab]

From Post #76: And pay for them. If you want to put it that way, I guess so. But you have no idea, obviously, just who is cheating whom.

I would think, though, out of those 100+ Thai girls you dated, you might have found at least 1 or 2 who didn't want to dump after the first few dates.

[Skytrain2hell]

I don't know why people would bash the writer for this. The only thing he's guilty of is saying what thousands of others have said before him. I read TFL's top ten Thai dating tips and it most of it was just top ten "how to treat any girl" for the most part.

Top Ten Thai Dating Tips

That being said, if I were the writer I doubt I could come up with anything new on the subject.

I guess you don't really need to move on to new ideas on the subject when people keep on making the same mistakes (ie sending a bargirl money every month from abroad...that one blows my mind).

[belg]

funny story, why don't you ask the farang to learn thai, than maybe he can do something else than to f... her as a common intrest as she will hardly speak any descent english ... ah yes, except my wife off course, as she is chinese descent, as many man like to refer, even their wife is as dark as my favorite chocolate

[Anon999]

And which plastic planet are you from ? needs , wants , dreams ,desires ? bro its cash, simple fact indeed if the wallet is empty so are you .disagree with me ? then go tell a woman u have no cash etc see how far that gets you .maybe she will politely smile and say its ok but no money does indeed means no honey

Well that says it all about the Thai women you associate with.

[Anon999]

I always ask the same question... Just what is a "DATE" with a women intended to lead up to? Is it for a possible long term relationship or just to get into her pants? If it is the latter then it's better to go for the rental version. Conversation with a Thai woman is limited if you don't speak the language fluently, so if it is conversation that you want then you are better off sticking to women of your own culture.

Wrong. My first Thai wife spoke only a few words of English when we met so went to English classes until she was competent. She also knew I was not rich, even though running my own business. We were together for 13 years and her spoken and written English were good and being capable of correcting native English speakers in their written as well as spoken English.