About The Other Wife Or 2Nd Wife They Call It Some Times

[WilliamCave]

I was out the other day and was with thia friends.

I was listening to them talk about the other wife , mistress, wife number 2.

Normally i take things with a grain of salt, but i know of three very close thai friends that have these relationships, And they have been with these girls for many years and even have kids with them. they are supported well.

So i talked to my wife about this and she replied that it is very common and i agree with here after seeing it for 10 years.

My wife said that in thailand the girls are ok with it because they are looked after well and live better than if they had no man take care of them

And we have a friend that is a mistress and it seems they actually love there bf or man that takes care of them very much.

This is very foreign to me

I see this because i am around thai peope all the time i dont see to many farang here

What have you seen here or your opinion ?

[apetley]

Pretty much the same experience as you.

Maybe partly explained by Thailand valueing males more than women. How else do you explain so many women putting up with it? I can't.

[robblok]

Same experience and for a while had a gik too (in agreement with the gf of course) Gik was not paid by me and knew about the other gf (i like to be honest about it). She did not mind and liked the fun things i did with her.

So yes i guess its common have seen it with Thai friends too.

Edited April 16, 2013 by robblok

[poanoi]

I tried it, but didnt work well and had to chose, i made wrong choice

Edited April 16, 2013 by poanoi

[Dancealot]

Couldn't live with myself if i did that.

I have seen this to be common here, also.

[TheFishman1]

I know a guy not Thai that had 3 wife's they all lived in different rooms. All his wife's are hot so I think He is a lucky Guy

[JaiLai]

Sounds like more headaches than it's worth to me and more cash!!!

Better just with a quick 'jump' should one feel like it, pay the money for services rendered and then leave - job done!

[Naam]

another wife, girlfriend, mia noi for me? no way!

says Mrs Naam

[thaimite]

Bigamy is one wife too many. Monogamy is the same -- Oscar Wilde

[Keith67]

Seen this many many times in the village, a funny story was a friend of my wife asked me to go for a drink at a bar he knew lots of girls he said and nobody will know, i made an excuse not to go and said the inevitable next time, 2 days later the same guy is limping around the village after a motorbike accident on his way home from the said bar, he explained he was riding along the dark lane and the next thing he knew he woke up in hspital, the story is, the wife found the bar and a branch from a nearby tree the same night.

[FunFon]

If you're dealing with women who aren't already willing to go along with the idea:

"The one who has two wives loses his soul, the one who has two houses loses his mind."

-- Eric Rohmer, "Les Nuits de la pleine lune" (1964)

The trick is to know that this is what you want while you have no attachments, and make it clear to any potential teeraks from the beginning that such an arrangement is part of the deal.

It's important to have explicit and mutually agreed guidelines in place for what the boundaries are, who gets to know what at what level of detail, the fact that advance commitments of time, money energy and affection will be adhered to despite the comings and goings of other partners and so on.

In my experience the two models that work well are one main "mia luang" who is the primary long-term rock, while the others are expendable temporary arrangements, or all members of the group are equally the latter, trying not to give preferential treatment to anyone.

Most people don't find it worth the trouble, only those who hold sexual pleasure as pretty much the top priority in life. And it isn't any easier to arrange here than back in farangland if you are trying to establish meaningful relationships as well, pretty much have to keep it on a P2P basis, which for most means dealing with pretty dodgy characters.

Obviously what's good for the goose is good for the gander, and the #1 bottom line law has to be no deception no lying all 'round.

[cheynewalk]

I maintained a thai girlfriend and a balinese girlfriend for some time, alternating travel between bali and thailand. I eventually had to ditch my thai girlfriend as she started getting pushy about wanting to marry me. It was a pity as she was a lovely lady, but then again so is the balinese girlfriend!

I just travel to thailand and monger now, 2 girlfriends gets a little bit too tricky.

[RedBullHorn]

One wife is headache enough, don't need a 2nd one...

[thaipod]

Over the years I come across many Thai men who have minor wives or giks . I stayed up country with a village head years ago and he had 4 wives and all were attractive one was maybe 20 years younger

[pattayadingo]

I too have seen this, especially in village life and it was openly commented on. Out in the city I have not seen it but there is not the same close contact between many people in the city.

At some points - when it was being discussed amongst family, friends and neighbours - I mentioned about having a mia noi. People would laugh and egg me on but in private the S.O. was not a happy woman at the thought. Talk in private of no longer having a penis. Ouch!!

It seems it is alright for other people to do this but not me

[Mighty Mouse]

Why stop at one? A Muslim man is permitted to have four, provided he accepts responsibility for their collective welfare. Jewish wise men state that no man should marry more than four wives. As recently as the seventeenth century, polygny was practiced and accepted by the Christian Church. Please correct me if I'm wrong but the Mormons (Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints) allow and practice polygny in the United States..

Men from the west have grown up with western values. Modern day western values frown upon polygyny, despite it being permitted in the Bible.

As for me personally, I couldn't do it. Far too complicated. One is more than a handful.

[Keith67]

If you're dealing with women who aren't already willing to go along with the idea:

"The one who has two wives loses his soul, the one who has two houses loses his mind."

-- Eric Rohmer, "Les Nuits de la pleine lune" (1964)

The trick is to know that this is what you want while you have no attachments, and make it clear to any potential teeraks from the beginning that such an arrangement is part of the deal.

It's important to have explicit and mutually agreed guidelines in place for what the boundaries are, who gets to know what at what level of detail, the fact that advance commitments of time, money energy and affection will be adhered to despite the comings and goings of other partners and so on.

In my experience the two models that work well are one main "mia luang" who is the primary long-term rock, while the others are expendable temporary arrangements, or all members of the group are equally the latter, trying not to give preferential treatment to anyone.

Most people don't find it worth the trouble, only those who hold sexual pleasure as pretty much the top priority in life. And it isn't any easier to arrange here than back in farangland if you are trying to establish meaningful relationships as well, pretty much have to keep it on a P2P basis, which for most means dealing with pretty dodgy characters.

Obviously what's good for the goose is good for the gander, and the #1 bottom line law has to be no deception no lying all 'round.

In your opinion a good time to broach this subject would be when?

• On meeting you partner for the first time,
• After moving in together with the family,
• After building your first home together
• During negitiations for the amout paid as a sin sot prior to marriage.

Idealistically maybe the right thing to do but i don't remember anyone saying in the village they and their husband had discussions prior to marriage and agreed he could bang anything that moved so it's OK.

Edited April 16, 2013 by metisdead
30) Do not modify someone else's post in your quoted reply, either with font or color changes, added emoticons, or altered wording.

[Kitsune]

As fresh renewed flesh is needed to keep the husband going, wife number one gradually becomes a glorified mum, while Sami indulges in younger nubile. Divorce is highly unpopular because seen as a failure, and divorced women as damaged good.

When the wife is the jealous type and she finds out, the husband gets his willy cut off and fed to the ducks but he does not need to worry; Bangkok is the capital of penis surgery so he just has to be faster than the duck

Kids will learn that if you don't love your wife, you have to live in lies all your life to keep face, or have your penis fed to ducks, and they will have in turn dysfunctional families.

Edited April 16, 2013 by Kitsune

[GooEng]

very common everywhere in thailand.

a couple of middle class ex-gf's in bkk had fathers who had a second wife in another house in bkk, sometimes with kids there too.

wife's grandfather lives in up-country town and openly maintains two relationships - one with his "mia luang" (first or senior wife) and another where he often visits and occassionally sleeps with his mia noi (little wife) and as a retired career soldier he is by no means a wealthy man.

Edited April 16, 2013 by GooEng

[ThaidDown]

My wife has asked before 'Do you want a mia noi, I would be ok with it if you did.'.

Yeah, yeah....I've been married long enough to recognise a trick question when I hear it.

[FunFon]

In your opinion a good time to broach this subject would be when?

• On meeting you partner for the first time,
• After moving in together with the family,
• After building your first home together
• During negitiations for the amout paid as a sin sot prior to marriage.

Idealistically maybe the right thing to do but i don't remember anyone saying in the village they and their husband had discussions prior to marriage and agreed he could bang anything that moved so it's OK.

-

Perhaps you misunderstood, it was not my intention to claim that my polyamory strategies have anything to do with traditional Thai culture, other than perhaps taking advantage of the fact that the skids are pre-greased by the traditional cultural conditioning.

To answer your question if it was sincere: certainly before she starts sleeping over with any regularity.

Moving in together with what family?

I have no interest in ever owning a home, but I've built and bought them as gifts, with them knowing I'll never live in them.

Obviously such topics are not discussed with her elders, none of their business.

[welsh1]

one woman is enough for me,,I could not imagine having two woman, busting both my ear drums

ou also need twice the amount of money looking after two ladies

[beautifulthailand99]

Mia Noi pairng - 1 house , 1 car , 1 million baht or so I've been qouted as an opening offer. Like most folk say one's more than enough. My wife's niece is mia noi to a big shot upcountry government official who has 5 women on the go she is number 5. Nice guy but to be honest don't see what he gets out of it rather an a load of expense and grief. It's obviously an alpha male thing like the top-dog gorilla that services all the females. Very nice when we go out as a family though as he picks up the tabs for meals etc , chauffered car at the ready and big wais all round when people bump into him. All his mates seem to do the same from what he says.

[Beetlejuice]

No woman would be willing to play second or third fiddle for any guy unless she considered that there is going to be many benefits in the relationship for her. Or in other words, she would expect to be financially supported and gain some investments.

Maybe my wife would accept a situation where I had a part time girlfriend on the go, but no way would she so understanding if this meant cutting my financial support for her and having to share with another woman.

Believe realistic, the luxury of having a minor wife or several women on the go is out of the question for the average guys, and is really a reserved as a rich man’s privilege, whether this practice is part of a culture or not.

[shrimpythailand]

My wife has asked before 'Do you want a mia noi, I would be ok with it if you did.'.

Yeah, yeah....I've been married long enough to recognise a trick question when I hear it.

good one... yes the "trick question" for sure if falung or thai male... yes double the money, double the headache for me.... one thai wife of 9 years is more than enuff headache... met an old taxi driver in Rangsit a few years ago driving an old beat up taxi told me he had 5 wives and wondered how many I had.... I said one is more than enough...how could he afford it??? amazing thailandI can see if you happen to have extra money to help out a mia noi but...I like waking up with the family jewels everyday and don't need the catfights between 2 thai women vying over the money... which is just enough for one... 5 5 5

[stopthegreed]

I had a girlfreind for 4 years and was very happy. We are no longer together, because of this unusaul practice.

I found out she had another 2 men on the go.

When I confronted her she said.

"Darling this is Thailand"

I have since found out she is right, it is perfectly acceptable here.

[cup-O-coffee]

It's a strange thing they have going here on this.

It's kind of like going into a bar and telling the girls you are a butterfly. That way, they know you are not up for grabs and a candidate for sole possession by the girl you take home. If you do not emphasize this then you can get into big trouble at the bar if you take one of them out three or four times and then switch with another one without communicating your desires. They seem to get it into their heads from the outset that you and her are an item, and the reason you go back and take her out (whilst passing the others by) makes like you like her very much. If they don't know that you are a butterfly, that one girl can actually lose face with her "sisters". Strange, but I haven't found a better explanation on this anomaly.

In marriage, I suspect that these situations are much the same; the GF knows before the marriage that her future spouse is a player, and as long as it is understood then those rules don't need to be rehashed or the subject not broached. Not getting this prenuptial understanding out of the way, I suspect, is where the bad times come in.

People ask why some Thai women flip out when the man is caught, and others don't seem to care when he is caught. This is the only way I understand it, and it seems to be the rules with them.

Edit: Another thing to add is that I have found that Thai women and their take on sexual encounters is a lot more understanding or forgiving (whichever stand you view it from) as long as their needs are being met, and/or their family supports the lad over her, and/or she is going into the relationship with the heads up. Regrettably, Thai women really don't have much say in the matter, yet they do take ownership of things that have a direct negative affect over their material and spiritual needs. Sex seems to not take priority in these matters and is more a tool (no pun intended) or a means to an end than anything else. Just my take on this.

Edited April 16, 2013 by cup-O-coffee

[how241]

Pretty much the same experience as you. Maybe partly explained by Thailand valueing males more than women. How else do you explain so many women putting up with it? I can't.

+1

[nahkit]

In your opinion a good time to broach this subject would be when?

• On meeting you partner for the first time,
• After moving in together with the family,
• After building your first home together
• During negitiations for the amout paid as a sin sot prior to marriage.

Idealistically maybe the right thing to do but i don't remember anyone saying in the village they and their husband had discussions prior to marriage and agreed he could bang anything that moved so it's OK.

-

Perhaps you misunderstood, it was not my intention to claim that my polyamory strategies have anything to do with traditional Thai culture, other than perhaps taking advantage of the fact that the skids are pre-greased by the traditional cultural conditioning.

To answer your question if it was sincere: certainly before she starts sleeping over with any regularity.

Moving in together with what family?

I have no interest in ever owning a home, but I've built and bought them as gifts, with them knowing I'll never live in them.

Obviously such topics are not discussed with her elders, none of their business.

Didn't you post in another thread that you owe 18 months rent in Thailand? Obviously must have been during better times.

[Keith67]

No woman would be willing to play second or third fiddle for any guy unless she considered that there is going to be many benefits in the relationship for her. Or in other words, she would expect to be financially supported and gain some investments.

Maybe my wife would accept a situation where I had a part time girlfriend on the go, but no way would she so understanding if this meant cutting my financial support for her and having to share with another woman.

Believe realistic, the luxury of having a minor wife or several women on the go is out of the question for the average guys, and is really a reserved as a rich man’s privilege, whether this practice is part of a culture or not.

A truly western approach to a thai situation, absolute BS but truly western. Before you rant and rave about how long you have been here, how

you have the correct visa to be called an expat or how if people do not have excessive amounts of financial support then you would not welcome them here, take a trip to a Thai village and ask around once the people get to know and trust you, you will find out everybody knows who has a "gik" or "mai noi" in the village although not so many millionairs in local villages mainly farm workers or local trades men so maybe not your cup of tea but they still have their "mai noi".