Moaning Around - Question Of Mindset?

[Swiss1960]

I see so many posters moaning about everything and anything in Thailand, from tea-money to corruption to extorting women to immigration laws to exchange rates to property laws to pollution to baht busses to service not up to a minimal standard – the list could go on and on. I see these people on this (and other) forum and also in most beer bars around Thailand. I do acknowledge that these things exist. But I also know that for the majority of these things, I cannot change them but have to accept and live with, if I want to stay in this country.

But I am wondering… those of the moaners who live here – or like me intend to live here very soon – must have something that makes them stay here? Be it family, cheap living, landscape, beer bars, islands – or even negative things like being broke or having broken down all bridges back home. The fact that you live in Thailand let me believe that obviously, the things that keep you here must be of greater importance that the things you dislike? Thus, why moaning about everything and anything?

There are things in this world which I can’t change (weather I have to take every day as it comes). There are things in this world which I don’t like, but then I have the chance and try to find another place where these things don’t exist (I can change from cold Swiss weather to ever warm Thailand weather). I have been looking at many places around the world and created “balance sheets” for these places and Thailand came out on top of the list (despite all the negative things I mentioned above), thus I made my decision to retire to the Land of Smiles (knowing that the smiles are not always genuine) and also the decision to accept all the things I would like to be different but cannot change.

I know for myself that moaning about everything and anything would only drag me down the gutter. I know that if I would live in constant fear (i.e. about possible changes in retirement laws) or disgust about the things I don’t like (i.e. service or tea money to get things rolling), then my life in Thailand would not really happy. Constant fear and / or constant moaning is what creates a negative attitude towards my host country (and maybe even the people who live here) and would therefore endanger my psychological health (which – as many studies show – can lead to physiological health problems and shorter life).

Mindset: Why is it so difficult for the moaners to accept things that they know they can not change? I accept that sometimes, a good rant can help psychologically. But constant moaning and whining about everything? What do you think it helps these people? My personal view is that it will definitely not help me and most of all, it will create such a negative aura around me that also the people around me will be either dragged down the gutter or they will be pushed away from me and I will end up as a loner and whining around beer bars with other loaners nd make my situation worse every day.

That is why my mindset is this: Accept the things you don’t like in this country, if it is your decision to stay here for long. Don’t live in fear of (i.e.) changing immigration laws, as you have no whatsoever influence on whether such changes will come or not. If and when changes come that impact your life, recalculate your balance sheet and take decisions according to the result. By accepting things you don’t like / distaste / hate and stop thinking and moaning about them, you will create a much healthier environment for you and the people around you.

Just my 5 cents about how I keep up my psychological health. What are your 5 cent?

P.S.: I have the same mindset for my current life in Switzerland also, be it politicians, immigration laws, cost of living, job, groups of people I decided to join etc. There is no such thing as a perfect place on earth, thus the best I can do for myself is live with what I don't like in what ever place I currently am or will be in my future.

[ExpatOilWorker]

Is it OK if I moan about that you post is too long?

[Scully]

My mate moaned like hell about everything from the women to the cost of living. He left last week and there are probably more like him to follow.

[Swiss1960]

Is it OK if I moan about that you post is too long?

You can do and I neither can nor will stop you... only tell you that being a member of ThaiVisa means to accept that long posts are allowed... and I will show you options how to deal with

- either ignore threads that exceed your capability of understanding (of course, only from a number of words point of view...)

- or find a forum where threads are limited to a fixed number of characters and therefore suit you better...

[Swiss1960]

My mate moaned like hell about everything from the women to the cost of living. He left last week and there are probably more like him to follow.

That's what I call the "recalculating of the balance sheet". hope for your mate that he will find a "healthier" environment for his life.

[Keith67]

You made spread sheets on various locations, based on what in particular, as you are looking at coming here to live very soon i am assuming you have been visiting as a tourist.

It is a very different place to be when living 24/7 and not just for short breaks, the moaning you talk about is probably based on several family factors that only become apparent when you stay here permanantly, along with the corruption, price increase of virtually everything you buy that does not have a price tag and many other points tourists never come into contact with.

A 3-4 week holiday with a loving Thai G/F is far from living 24/7 with the same girl but add the jelousy and family expectations and it is sometimes unbearable, if you have a Thai G/F living in your home country with you she will possibly completely change when living back in Thailand.

These are just a few of the points that have been mentioned on several different topics on TV over the years and no spreadsheet will allow for the unexpected that sometimes you only find from being a resident.

It would be good to see if your ideas and theories are still the same 2-3 years experience of living in Thailand..

[Gsxrnz]

To the OP. You've basically characterised the glass half full or half empty theory. I'm in the glass half full camp which causes some friction as you have highlighted. Regarding Thailand, It seems (to me) that many members of the glass half empty brigade( either on TV or in real life), are largely incapable of having a balanced view about most things and have to blame someone or something for everything, particularly they're apparent unhappiness with Thailand.

If they were asked to list 20 pros and 20 cons about living here then they would fill the cons list very easily but struggle with the pros list. And probably the pros list would not really consist of true positive aspects, but more than likely semi negative aspects about themselves or their home country. i.e My government doesn't pay enough money to live at home, or I can't afford a house at home, or I pay too much tax at home etc.

Thanks for your post - expect a bit of flack from the polarised grumpy gits as they will not even consider that your post has any logic at all, will not even consider that maybe the reason they're grumpy gits is because they delight in being miserable most of the time, and if they found 500 baht on the side of the road it would be Thailand's fault that it wasn't 1,000 baht.

[WinnieTheKhwai]

My mate moaned like hell about everything from the women to the cost of living. He left last week and there are probably more like him to follow.

Good.

It may just be time for those folks who came here in the years after the Asian currency crisis (and who haven't since grown a true liking to the country) to pack up and leave.

Many never had any particular affection with Thailand, just enjoying the insanely favorable exchange rates at the time. Cheap living. Cheap women.

Then the exchange rate swung the other way, as it always does. Then they start to complain. Then, if they are honest with themselves, and if they still can, they leave.

I'm not rejoicing they go, but like a marriage based on the wrong assumptions, it may not have been meant to last. No fault of those guys, and no fault of Thailand. It was always 'TIT', you just didn't see it through all the baht you got for your dollar, pound and euro.

♫ So long and thanks for all the fish, so sad that it should come to this... etc. ♪ Edited May 10, 2013 by WinnieTheKhwai

[Thakkar]

To the OP. You've basically characterised the glass half full or half empty theory. I'm in the glass half full camp which causes some friction as you have highlighted. Regarding Thailand, It seems (to me) that many members of the glass half empty brigade( either on TV or in real life), are largely incapable of having a balanced view about most things and have to blame someone or something for everything, particularly they're apparent unhappiness with Thailand.

If they were asked to list 20 pros and 20 cons about living here then they would fill the cons list very easily but struggle with the pros list. And probably the pros list would not really consist of true positive aspects, but more than likely semi negative aspects about themselves or their home country. i.e My government doesn't pay enough money to live at home, or I can't afford a house at home, or I pay too much tax at home etc.

Thanks for your post - expect a bit of flack from the polarised grumpy gits as they will not even consider that your post has any logic at all, will not even consider that maybe the reason they're grumpy gits is because they delight in being miserable most of the time, and if they found 500 baht on the side of the road it would be Thailand's fault that it wasn't 1,000 baht.

Sadly, some people come here with a glass too big, and so are never satisfied.

T

[BigBadGeordie]

"Created Balance Sheets" How Swiss of you (sorry but I could not resist that).

Looking forward to your post on the same subject after, say, 15 years of living here.

[candypants]

"Created Balance Sheets" How Swiss of you (sorry but I could not resist that).

Looking forward to your post on the same subject after, say, 15 years of living here.

good god man, dont you have anything better to look forward to?

Edited May 10, 2013 by candypants

[Swiss1960]

You made spread sheets on various locations, based on what in particular, as you are looking at coming here to live very soon i am assuming you have been visiting as a tourist.

It is a very different place to be when living 24/7 and not just for short breaks, the moaning you talk about is probably based on several family factors that only become apparent when you stay here permanantly, along with the corruption, price increase of virtually everything you buy that does not have a price tag and many other points tourists never come into contact with.

A 3-4 week holiday with a loving Thai G/F is far from living 24/7 with the same girl but add the jelousy and family expectations and it is sometimes unbearable, if you have a Thai G/F living in your home country with you she will possibly completely change when living back in Thailand.

These are just a few of the points that have been mentioned on several different topics on TV over the years and no spreadsheet will allow for the unexpected that sometimes you only find from being a resident.

It would be good to see if your ideas and theories are still the same 2-3 years experience of living in Thailand..

Good post, good thinking, good question at the end, thank you.

Yes, you are right that the perception and valuation of negative things does change if you face them on a daily basis. But again, the question is whether from the mindset point of view, one is able to accept them (since he can not change them) or whether he goes negative about those things in his mind and starts feeling bad in the country. As I said, negative things exist in any country you live and - Gsxrnz put it very good - the question is about the glass being either half full or half empty.

[Swiss1960]

"Created Balance Sheets" How Swiss of you (sorry but I could not resist that).

Looking forward to your post on the same subject after, say, 15 years of living here.

Hehe... good one

I'll make a note on the remarks section of my balance sheet to let you know if I am still alive at that time

[ExpatOilWorker]

Is it OK if I moan about that you post is too long?

You can do and I neither can nor will stop you... only tell you that being a member of ThaiVisa means to accept that long posts are allowed... and I will show you options how to deal with

- either ignore threads that exceed your capability of understanding (of course, only from a number of words point of view...)

- or find a forum where threads are limited to a fixed number of characters and therefore suit you better...

Thanks for your kind advise, I feel much better now. Just want to point out that pretty much everything far exceed my capability of understanding. Maybe that is why I am so happy in Thailand. The locals around me are come across as highly intelligent and sophisticated people. Foreigners with high ranks in top secret military departments, that I didn't even though existed before I arrived in Thailand, share their classified information with me. Life it great and on good days, it can be tough to come up with stuff to moan about.

[Keith67]

You made spread sheets on various locations, based on what in particular, as you are looking at coming here to live very soon i am assuming you have been visiting as a tourist.

It is a very different place to be when living 24/7 and not just for short breaks, the moaning you talk about is probably based on several family factors that only become apparent when you stay here permanantly, along with the corruption, price increase of virtually everything you buy that does not have a price tag and many other points tourists never come into contact with.

A 3-4 week holiday with a loving Thai G/F is far from living 24/7 with the same girl but add the jelousy and family expectations and it is sometimes unbearable, if you have a Thai G/F living in your home country with you she will possibly completely change when living back in Thailand.

These are just a few of the points that have been mentioned on several different topics on TV over the years and no spreadsheet will allow for the unexpected that sometimes you only find from being a resident.

It would be good to see if your ideas and theories are still the same 2-3 years experience of living in Thailand..

Good post, good thinking, good question at the end, thank you.

Yes, you are right that the perception and valuation of negative things does change if you face them on a daily basis. But again, the question is whether from the mindset point of view, one is able to accept them (since he can not change them) or whether he goes negative about those things in his mind and starts feeling bad in the country. As I said, negative things exist in any country you live and - Gsxrnz put it very good - the question is about the glass being either half full or half empty.

Gsxrnz is 100% correct, there are days i love Thailand and could never wish to be in another place but there are also days i absolutely detest the place and it's ways, the good days far outnumber the bad though.

For me a bad day is just that 1 day in a series of many good and if you can accept that you can have a good life here.

[Gsxrnz]

You made spread sheets on various locations, based on what in particular, as you are looking at coming here to live very soon i am assuming you have been visiting as a tourist.

It is a very different place to be when living 24/7 and not just for short breaks, the moaning you talk about is probably based on several family factors that only become apparent when you stay here permanantly, along with the corruption, price increase of virtually everything you buy that does not have a price tag and many other points tourists never come into contact with.

A 3-4 week holiday with a loving Thai G/F is far from living 24/7 with the same girl but add the jelousy and family expectations and it is sometimes unbearable, if you have a Thai G/F living in your home country with you she will possibly completely change when living back in Thailand.

These are just a few of the points that have been mentioned on several different topics on TV over the years and no spreadsheet will allow for the unexpected that sometimes you only find from being a resident.

It would be good to see if your ideas and theories are still the same 2-3 years experience of living in Thailand..

Good post, good thinking, good question at the end, thank you.

Yes, you are right that the perception and valuation of negative things does change if you face them on a daily basis. But again, the question is whether from the mindset point of view, one is able to accept them (since he can not change them) or whether he goes negative about those things in his mind and starts feeling bad in the country. As I said, negative things exist in any country you live and - Gsxrnz put it very good - the question is about the glass being either half full or half empty.

Gsxrnz is 100% correct, there are days i love Thailand and could never wish to be in another place but there are also days i absolutely detest the place and it's ways, the good days far outnumber the bad though.

For me a bad day is just that 1 day in a series of many good and if you can accept that you can have a good life here.

I sure don't wear rose-tinted glasses and as with Keith67 I also have the odd day that drive me nuts and I wish I had a Star Trek communicator and ask Scottie to beam me up. But 90% of the time I'm able to enjoy the weird stuff that happens here and at least try and understand why it happens.

My ex Father in law was a manic depressive, I think they call it bipolar now but who knows. He gave me a great lesson in life and how to be positive. He'd spent hours waxing his new car and had only just finished it when a seagull flew over and shat on it. Rather than laugh and clean it off, he went into a blind rage and smashed a headlight, then went into a dark mood that lasted 3 days. In the few words he uttered during those 3 days it transpires that he was convinced that this particular seagull had been hatched with the sole intention of waiting to s**t on his car. He was convinced it was a conspiracy against him personally. This was one of his darker moments but his life was pervaded by feelings of personal conspiracy and victimisation. He made himself a victim of life in general. It sure gave me a wakeup call and the need to look on the brighter side.

[Soutpeel]

I sure don't wear rose-tinted glasses and as with Keith67 I also have the odd day that drive me nuts and I wish I had a Star Trek communicator and ask Scottie to beam me up. But 90% of the time I'm able to enjoy the weird stuff that happens here and at least try and understand why it happens.

My ex Father in law was a manic depressive, I think they call it bipolar now but who knows. He gave me a great lesson in life and how to be positive. He'd spent hours waxing his new car and had only just finished it when a seagull flew over and shat on it. Rather than laugh and clean it off, he went into a blind rage and smashed a headlight, then went into a dark mood that lasted 3 days. In the few words he uttered during those 3 days it transpires that he was convinced that this particular seagull had been hatched with the sole intention of waiting to s**t on his car. He was convinced it was a conspiracy against him personally. This was one of his darker moments but his life was pervaded by feelings of personal conspiracy and victimisation. He made himself a victim of life in general. It sure gave me a wakeup call and the need to look on the brighter side.

So what your saying is TV finest who belive the whole of Thailand is out to get them, ie conspiracy's against farangs, immigration is racist, Thai are xenophobic, double pricing, hosptials are ripping them off etc etc are paranoid manic depressives ?.....

I believe you may be right based some of the stuff thats written on TV...

[OZEMADE]

You made spread sheets on various locations, based on what in particular, as you are looking at coming here to live very soon i am assuming you have been visiting as a tourist.

It is a very different place to be when living 24/7 and not just for short breaks, the moaning you talk about is probably based on several family factors that only become apparent when you stay here permanantly, along with the corruption, price increase of virtually everything you buy that does not have a price tag and many other points tourists never come into contact with.

A 3-4 week holiday with a loving Thai G/F is far from living 24/7 with the same girl but add the jelousy and family expectations and it is sometimes unbearable, if you have a Thai G/F living in your home country with you she will possibly completely change when living back in Thailand.

These are just a few of the points that have been mentioned on several different topics on TV over the years and no spreadsheet will allow for the unexpected that sometimes you only find from being a resident.

It would be good to see if your ideas and theories are still the same 2-3 years experience of living in Thailand..

Good post, good thinking, good question at the end, thank you.

Yes, you are right that the perception and valuation of negative things does change if you face them on a daily basis. But again, the question is whether from the mindset point of view, one is able to accept them (since he can not change them) or whether he goes negative about those things in his mind and starts feeling bad in the country. As I said, negative things exist in any country you live and - Gsxrnz put it very good - the question is about the glass being either half full or half empty.

Gsxrnz is 100% correct, there are days i love Thailand and could never wish to be in another place but there are also days i absolutely detest the place and it's ways, the good days far outnumber the bad though.

For me a bad day is just that 1 day in a series of many good and if you can accept that you can have a good life here.

I sure don't wear rose-tinted glasses and as with Keith67 I also have the odd day that drive me nuts and I wish I had a Star Trek communicator and ask Scottie to beam me up. But 90% of the time I'm able to enjoy the weird stuff that happens here and at least try and understand why it happens.

My ex Father in law was a manic depressive, I think they call it bipolar now but who knows. He gave me a great lesson in life and how to be positive. He'd spent hours waxing his new car and had only just finished it when a seagull flew over and shat on it. Rather than laugh and clean it off, he went into a blind rage and smashed a headlight, then went into a dark mood that lasted 3 days. In the few words he uttered during those 3 days it transpires that he was convinced that this particular seagull had been hatched with the sole intention of waiting to s**t on his car. He was convinced it was a conspiracy against him personally. This was one of his darker moments but his life was pervaded by feelings of personal conspiracy and victimisation. He made himself a victim of life in general. It sure gave me a wakeup call and the need to look on the brighter side.

So you leave your car dirty.

[kannot]

If no one complained or moaned you,d end up with a country like Thailand!

Great until they kill your Wife thriugh their stupidity etc.

[Nautilus05]

Comes from the guy who's moaning about people moaning.

[JLCrab]

Is it OK if I moan about that you post is too long?

You can do and I neither can nor will stop you... only tell you that being a member of ThaiVisa means to accept that long posts are allowed... and I will show you options how to deal with

- either ignore threads that exceed your capability of understanding (of course, only from a number of words point of view...)

- or find a forum where threads are limited to a fixed number of characters and therefore suit you better...

God Bless Twitter

[HeavyDrinker]

If you want to hear moaning about Thailand, sit and listen to the Thais....blimey, they can make this place look like a love-in.

[Swiss1960]

Comes from the guy who's moaning about people moaning.

I have been waiting for that argument... but that is how I see it: There is a slight chance that through my post, somebody might think about the question of mindset and maybe change his own mindset... so I do see a chance for change... that is why I am moaning about moaning people

[JLCrab]

The only moaning or other negativity I really hear in Thailand is thankfully right here on these pages where my mindset is:

You're nothing but a pack of cards!

[phuketjock]

Comes from the guy who's moaning about people moaning.

I have been waiting for that argument... but that is how I see it: There is a slight chance that through my post, somebody might think about the question of mindset and maybe change his own mindset... so I do see a chance for change... that is why I am moaning about moaning people

Swiss1960 Some people are never happy unless they are complaining and sometimes it seems all of

them are here on Thaivisa When I have a bad day or think negative thoughts here in the land of

smiles I turn my thoughts to the alternative life I could have back in Scotland in the damp cold freezing

drizzle on a dark miserable day and suddenly all those negative thoughts just fade away and life in

Thailand seems just fine.

[GuestHouse]

Just what we need another moaning thread about other people moaning.

My advice to the OP, take your own advice and stop moaning.

[VocalNeal]

Some people came to Asia when it was an adventure. For them Thailand is a frame of mind/mind set. ( Same for Indonesia etc). They have learned to relax.

Others came here because they thought it was like home except the sun shines and they thought the women were "friendly". As soon as the novelty wore off they started looking for faults.

Some get sent here for work and are very slow to adapt.

Some people will moan no matter where they are.

Edited May 10, 2013 by VocalNeal

[kannot]

Some people came to Asia when it was an adventure. For them Thailand is a frame of mind/mind set. ( Same for Indonesia etc). They have learned to relax.

Others came here because they thought it was like home except the sun shines and they thought the women were "friendly". As soon as the novelty wore off they started looking for faults.

Some get sent here for work and are very slow to adapt.

Some people will moan no matter where they are.

Bit of a difference from "relaxed" to "idle " though.

[ABCer]

OP, Swiss 1960.

You have made a go at my mindset in another thread. I replied in a way that you shut up and realized that the human psychology is not your field of expertise (so I thought).

I decided to let it at that. But not you... you appear here again in a 'new' thread moaning yet again about people and their 'mindset'.

I do not seek logic in your name on this forum, but just in case if you are Swiss and about 53 yo, may I suggest a few questions for you?

- Why did you bring your middle age crisis here, to Thailand?

- What is wrong with your own mindset that you are preoccupied with that of others?

- What stops you from having a healthy sex session and doing your own moaning and groaning instead of annoying so many people here?

- Why not climb one of your beautiful mountains, enjoy fresh air, excellent view and jerk off there without polluting the Thai Forum with your swiss precision ideas?

Thanks, my friend, and thanks again...

Ah, yes, if I am wrong and you are not a 53 yo Swiss - kindly find some other location of your own choice. All other people Swiss - just stay where you are, no objections from me.

Edited May 10, 2013 by ABCer

[Swiss1960]

OP, Swiss 1960.

You have made a go at my mindset in another thread. I replied in a way that you shut up and realized that the human psychology is not your field of expertise (so I thought).

I decided to let it at that. But not you... you appear here again in a 'new' thread moaning yet again about people and their 'mindset'.

I do not seek logic in your name on this forum, but just in case if you are Swiss and about 53 yo, may I suggest a few questions for you?

- Why did you bring your middle age crisis here, to Thailand?

- What is wrong with your own mindset that you are preoccupied with that of others?

- What stops you from having a healthy sex session and doing your own moaning and groaning instead of annoying so many people here?

- Why not climb one of your beautiful mountains, enjoy fresh air, excellent view and jerk off there without polluting the Thai Forum with your swiss precision ideas?

Thanks, my friend, and thanks again...

Ah, yes, if I am wrong and you are not a 53 yo Swiss - kindly find some other location of your own choice. All other people Swiss - just stay where you are, no objections from me.

Dear ABCer

Sorry that you took my previous post so personal. Of course I did write to you based on the senctence “I like Thainland, Thailand does not like me”. Actually, I liked the answer you gave me on that other thread and even wanted to write back, but I think now, that’s not necessary anymore

However, this thread is not about “moaning at moaners” (at least that was not my intention), but asking why people moan instead of accepting facts that they can not change.

Now your interpretation of my nick here is correct. I am Swiss, 53y old, still working in Switzerland, but planning my move in short to medium term. For your other points... I seem to have hit a point with you... But I am at ease with myself and what I wrote and therefore do not need to counter your very personal remarks towards me. However, you will be unsuccessful in making me shut up