Age Difference In Relationships In Thailand

[rene123]

"Having a good heart" could mean different things to different women.

I was never blessed with any children. But, if I did have a daughter I expect I would have raised her well enough to make wise decisions for herself. If She chose an older man then that would be her choice. In Canada we have Sikh families who have murdered their own daughters because the girl did not want to go through with an arranged marriage.

You won't have encountered this Rene, but "good heart" is bar girl talk, prostitutes who work with foreigners and men who associate with them use it a lot, the girls use it as a form of emotional blackmail, and the guys repeat it thinking it's normal Thai talk. Never heard a respectable Thai say it, not to say that would be impossible, but not from the respectable Thais I have ever mixed with.

Foreign guys mixing with bar girls pick up a lot of the 'special trade talk', it instantly marks them out and excludes them from respectable Thai society. One of the first rules for mongers in Thailand, never ever repeat anything you hear a bar girl say.

(Not to be confused with 'dee jai' which means glad)

Thank you, I didn't know that was a bar girl expression. All I heard when walking along the bar scene in Pattaya were women calling "Where you go hansum man?" to passing men. I'm never around when they are negotiating business deals.

[chiangmaikelly]

Good heart is talk talk. It is like telling an ugly person you have a nice smile. When a woman says good heart it means they can't find anything else to compliment; and that is pretty far down on the scale after hair and nice nails and clean flip flops.

I've told Thai women they have a good heart because I could not see anything else. Nothing to do with a bar except women who work in a bar try to compliment a customer.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

Good heart is talk talk. It is like telling an ugly person you have a nice smile. When a woman says good heart it means they can't find anything else to compliment; and that is pretty far down on the scale after hair and nice nails and clean flip flops.

I've told Thai women they have a good heart because I could not see anything else. Nothing to do with a bar except women who work in a bar try to compliment a customer.

I'm guessing you hang out with hookers, so think it's normal talk talk.

[ABCer]

WOW! OP has hit the nerve! 10,000 views, 630 comments! Congrats!

On the other hand, - excluding the very unlikely cases of younger men with older girls, - we could call it a TREND!

First thing first. 15 years diff. here. And allow me to exclude former, current or concurrent bar girls/boys. Not that I am against them, but let's talk about relationships, not pleasurable exercise activities.

Here is my 2 bit worth contribution to the topic.

1) The TREND is universal for East and West. Thailand by no means should be singled out. 'Girls' do this not only to Farang older boys - local older boys are equally good/bad.

2) It is all about trade off and money. Let me explain myself.

Boys. Naturally and primarily seeking younger, better looking, sexier, high performance girls. Some may/may not been hurt before, may/may not have money (relativity applies!). This factor is secondary.

Girls. First comes Love naturally and primarily. Than comes Baby. Than comes Responsibility. Life priorities change - looking for security, stability, provider.

Anything else is a variation on the above theme with small details and individual particulars thrown in. Particulars are for individual cases. Let's not go into that.

Any person disagreeing with the above must be blind or not willing to see.

I am no better/worse than anybody here. Just facing the reality.

Good luck to us all.

P.S. When I see a 60 - 80 old man walking with a 20 - 30 young girl I just smile and hope they both get what they are after.

P.P.S. I really hate seeing word 'Thai' in any posts related to men/women relationships. Believe me people are all the same everywhere.

[chiangmaikelly]

Good heart is talk talk. It is like telling an ugly person you have a nice smile. When a woman says good heart it means they can't find anything else to compliment; and that is pretty far down on the scale after hair and nice nails and clean flip flops.

I've told Thai women they have a good heart because I could not see anything else. Nothing to do with a bar except women who work in a bar try to compliment a customer.

I'm guessing you hang out with hookers, so think it's normal talk talk.

So a young Thai guy who speaks Thai like youself hangs out with hookers enough to know what they talk about in English?

Ya right.

1. To begin with if you look Thai, a hooker in a Farang bar is not going to talk to you.

2. My wife would be upset it I hung out with hookers but I did at various times since I first got to Thailand in 1968. I have also known a lot of regular women. I would imagine 1000's more than you. And it is just talk talk when they see nothing else good about you. If you have any other questions feel free to ask; I've been here a long time, speak Thai and have a home and family here.

Edited May 29, 2013 by chiangmaikelly

[chiangmaikelly]

P.P.S. I really hate seeing word 'Thai' in any posts related to men/women relationships. Believe me people are all the same everywhere.

I can think of 100 differences between Thai women and other women but it's not the topic. It would be an interesting topic though. This topic is age difference in relationships in Thailand. Is Thailand different in this respect? Sure is. I had a 30 year age difference with a wife in the States and Thailand. Not one host or hostess at a restaurant in Thailand has asked me where would you and your daughter like to sit.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

Good heart is talk talk. It is like telling an ugly person you have a nice smile. When a woman says good heart it means they can't find anything else to compliment; and that is pretty far down on the scale after hair and nice nails and clean flip flops.

I've told Thai women they have a good heart because I could not see anything else. Nothing to do with a bar except women who work in a bar try to compliment a customer.

I'm guessing you hang out with hookers, so think it's normal talk talk.

So a young Thai guy who speaks Thai like youself hangs out with hookers enough to know what they talk about in English?

Ya right.

1. To begin with if you look Thai, a hooker in a Farang bar is not going to talk to you.

2. My wife would be upset it I hung out with hookers but I did at various times since I first got to Thailand in 1968. I have also known a lot of regular women. I would imagine 1000's more than you. And it is just talk talk when they have nothing else good about you. If you have any other questions feel free to ask; I've been here a long time, speak Thai and have a home and family here.

I hardly ever let on that I speak Thai, to most Thais I'm clearly a foreigner, If a Thai asks I'm half Mexican.

I do hang out with foreigners, many seem to have married hookers, always fun eavesdropping on two Thai hookers talking about their customers wives comparing their foreigner husbands.

Edited May 29, 2013 by AnotherOneAmerican

[pigeonjake]

Good heart is talk talk. It is like telling an ugly person you have a nice smile. When a woman says good heart it means they can't find anything else to compliment; and that is pretty far down on the scale after hair and nice nails and clean flip flops.

I've told Thai women they have a good heart because I could not see anything else. Nothing to do with a bar except women who work in a bar try to compliment a customer.

I'm guessing you hang out with hookers, so think it's normal talk talk.

so you are saying because my wife asked if i had a good heart she is a bar girl,, ???

were do you get your information from?

thai people like people to have a good carm heart, who dont get excited are angree,

but beleive me you could get me angree, i dont know who you think you are,

you no i live in wangnamyen, near sakoew, come and tell me to my face,,,

jake

[AnotherOneAmerican]

Good heart is talk talk. It is like telling an ugly person you have a nice smile. When a woman says good heart it means they can't find anything else to compliment; and that is pretty far down on the scale after hair and nice nails and clean flip flops.

I've told Thai women they have a good heart because I could not see anything else. Nothing to do with a bar except women who work in a bar try to compliment a customer.

I'm guessing you hang out with hookers, so think it's normal talk talk.

so you are saying because my wife asked if i had a good heart she is a bar girl,, ???

were do you get your information from?

thai people like people to have a good carm heart, who dont get excited are angree,

but beleive me you could get me angree, i dont know who you think you are,

you no i live in wangnamyen, near sakoew, come and tell me to my face,,,

jake

Not every post is about you and your wife.

Retract horns.

[Roadman]

Wow... I learm something everyday. We have lots of extremely wealthy family thai students stay, visit, befriend our daughters, and at times their parents and travelling teacher chaperones come through our home here in New Zealand. Upon spending time in our home I am often complimented on my "good heart" mostly for taking on the responsibility of my partners daughters lovingly as my own. I never realised all these high class women and their husbands to be all bargirls. Amazing sex changes from bargirls to be able to father children that the husbands must have had....wow...amazing Thailand.

[ABCer]

P.P.S. I really hate seeing word 'Thai' in any posts related to men/women relationships. Believe me people are all the same everywhere.

I can think of 100 differences between Thai women and other women but it's not the topic. It would be an interesting topic though. This topic is age difference in relationships in Thailand. Is Thailand different in this respect? Sure is. I had a 30 year age difference with a wife in the States and Thailand. Not one host or hostess at a restaurant in Thailand has asked me where would you and your daughter like to sit.

Kelly, that would be interesting. Please, start the topic. Right now I don't believe you, but try to convert me.

BTW, thanks for not accusing me of 'Thai' hating.

[Morden]

Wow... I learm something everyday. We have lots of extremely wealthy family thai students stay, visit, befriend our daughters, and at times their parents and travelling teacher chaperones come through our home here in New Zealand. Upon spending time in our home I am often complimented on my "good heart" mostly for taking on the responsibility of my partners daughters lovingly as my own. I never realised all these high class women and their husbands to be all bargirls. Amazing sex changes from bargirls to be able to father children that the husbands must have had....wow...amazing Thailand.

You have to understand that there are quite a few cynical losers here who will write any kind of rubbish in order to purge their bile. In addition to that, they hate the thought that someones else is happy.

[NanLaew]

Wow... I learm something everyday. We have lots of extremely wealthy family thai students stay, visit, befriend our daughters, and at times their parents and travelling teacher chaperones come through our home here in New Zealand. Upon spending time in our home I am often complimented on my "good heart" mostly for taking on the responsibility of my partners daughters lovingly as my own. I never realised all these high class women and their husbands to be all bargirls. Amazing sex changes from bargirls to be able to father children that the husbands must have had....wow...amazing Thailand.

You have to understand that there are quite a few cynical losers here who will write any kind of rubbish in order to purge their bile. In addition to that, they hate the thought that someones else is happy.

Or maybe they hate the idea that some people can find happiness in something that they themselves have absolutely no experience or knowledge of?

I reckon if a person has never, ever been a monger, sexpat or even just a player in LOS, then that person's judgement on another person's expectations from a relationship that may have started with just a 'short-time' is merely that; a judgement. An unqualified, unreasonable, unfounded, unwanted and totally irrelevant judgment.

[muythai2013]

off coarse there are some good loving relationships with an age gap.

very very good relationships, I have seen a few.

But people have to be honest, most of these relationships, the vast majority are either a Business transaction or a misguided individual.

Even the old guys who have loving young wives must know not money are like theirs.

[cardholder]

off coarse there are some good loving relationships with an age gap.

very very good relationships, I have seen a few.

But people have to be honest, most of these relationships, the vast majority are either a Business transaction or a misguided individual.

Even the old guys who have loving young wives must know not money are like theirs.

As this is an English language forum, would you like to have another go at that last sentence.

[NanLaew]

off coarse .....

very very good relationships....

But people have to be honest, most of these relationships, the vast majority are either a Business transaction or a misguided individual.

Even the old guys....

But this has already been covered in this and every other age-related thread ever posted herein; the horse has been well and truly flogged to all buggery. Besides, there's one forum member has already agreed to take on the mantle of defender of the enfeebled and misguided newbie... on these forum pages anyway.

What part of Thailand's probably most famous but unappreciated by-word "up to you" seems so hard to grasp here?

[muythai2013]

off coarse there are some good loving relationships with an age gap.

very very good relationships, I have seen a few.

But people have to be honest, most of these relationships, the vast majority are either a Business transaction or a misguided individual.

Even the old guys who have loving young wives must know not money are like theirs.

As this is an English language forum, would you like to have another go at that last sentence.

holy crap, just saw that, meant to say not many. funny as hell.

[NanLaew]

off coarse .....

very very good relationships....

But people have to be honest, most of these relationships, the vast majority are either a Business transaction or a misguided individual.

Even the old guys....

But this has already been covered in this and every other age-related thread ever posted herein; the horse has been well and truly flogged to all buggery. Besides, there's one forum member has already agreed to take on the mantle of defender of the enfeebled and misguided newbie... on these forum pages anyway.

What part of Thailand's probably most famous but unappreciated by-word "up to you" seems so hard to grasp here?

The problem is many are saying all the relationships are bad when they are not.

A bigger problem is others are saying all are good, just because theirs is good.

that's why the dispute continues.

the truth will set you free right, admit most a messed up but not all and they will probably begin to agree.

Your first point is taken. Many people who cannot mind their own business are saying all the relationships in question are bad when some are not.

Regards your 'bigger problem', I haven't seen any of the proponents on this particular thread go beyond saying that their own relationship is good. As far as I can recall, they haven't even passed judgement on others that indeed may not be so good. However, there are a few of them that have been harangued relentlessly for even stating that their own personal relationship experience has been good and remains good.

There's no real dispute. Some relationships are successful and a greater amount are not. That's a given, agreed, non-debatable. End of.

Suggesting that some of the latter group need to come on here and 'out' themselves and confess that their glass is in all reality half-empty is contrary to human nature IMHO. It's like asking Americans when things were really shitty if the really did vote for Bush/Clinton/Bush/Obama.... sure as hell somebody did but nobody is going to 'fess up to being a <deleted>-up, even if you ask them very nicely. I am pretty sure they won't feel any better if they did admit it to a bunch of anonymous, yammering, in-your-face, keyboard warriors saying 'som nam nah' either.

Let them be. It's life. Let them live it.

Edited May 29, 2013 by NanLaew

[Ringmybells]

Here comes a younger wife of a very much older husband. 29 years between us....Yes that's right TWENTY NINE! He is 68 I am 39...been married almost a dozen years..enjoying and sharing our life together. There is LOVE and TRUST between us. We are financially comfortable. If my husband has to file bankruptcy would I leave him...HELL NO. I would ask him to stay home while I work three jobs to support my family. I don't know about other age gap marriage but there is deep committments and loyality in my marriage.

He was exotic to me and that was the thing that made me go WILD!

I was young when I met him but I had a college degree, real job and real salarie that supported my comfortable life!

If you think all age gap marriages are based on money and greed then do yourself a favor by judging less accept more and be happy!

[Berkshire]

Here comes a younger wife of a very much older husband. 29 years between us....Yes that's right TWENTY NINE! He is 68 I am 39...been married almost a dozen years..enjoying and sharing our life together. There is LOVE and TRUST between us. We are financially comfortable. If my husband has to file bankruptcy would I leave him...HELL NO. I would ask him to stay home while I work three jobs to support my family. I don't know about other age gap marriage but there is deep committments and loyality in my marriage.

He was exotic to me and that was the thing that made me go WILD!

I was young when I met him but I had a college degree, real job and real salarie that supported my comfortable life!

If you think all age gap marriages are based on money and greed then do yourself a favor by judging less accept more and be happy!

Interesting. May I inquire as to your nationality? Your husband's?

[HardenedSoul]

Wow... I learm something everyday. We have lots of extremely wealthy family thai students stay, visit, befriend our daughters, and at times their parents and travelling teacher chaperones come through our home here in New Zealand. Upon spending time in our home I am often complimented on my "good heart" mostly for taking on the responsibility of my partners daughters lovingly as my own. I never realised all these high class women and their husbands to be all bargirls. Amazing sex changes from bargirls to be able to father children that the husbands must have had....wow...amazing Thailand.

You have to understand that there are quite a few cynical losers here who will write any kind of rubbish in order to purge their bile. In addition to that, they hate the thought that someones else is happy.

Or maybe they hate the idea that some people can find happiness in something that they themselves have absolutely no experience or knowledge of?

I reckon if a person has never, ever been a monger, sexpat or even just a player in LOS, then that person's judgement on another person's expectations from a relationship that may have started with just a 'short-time' is merely that; a judgement. An unqualified, unreasonable, unfounded, unwanted and totally irrelevant judgment.

So, in your opinion, only a monger, sexpat or "player" etc can make a valid observation on this subject ?

Yeah, you're right . . .

I have no knowledge or experience of labouring under the illusion that a woman half my age wouldn't have at least some aspect of her interest in me rooted in the potential for financial gain or, as the suckers dress it up, "security"

I have no knowledge or experience of deluding myself that a woman enetering in to a "short time" arrangement with me can, in the overwhelming majority of instances, be considered genuine, valid relationship material. I think the odds of finding a diamond in the rough among the ranks of Thailand's sex workers is particularly slim.

I'm not saying it's impossible but unlike others, I am not in the type of situation where I'm forced to play those odds. Sorry but I just don't have to.

I run a quality bird who never takes a penny off me; this is the way I roll.

If you're old, decrepit, fat or just a total loser with women then there's an entire legion of women willing to "overlook" your shortcomings in return for a stipend and make you feel loved while doing it. If a guy's happy with that, fair enough but to dress it up as something it ain't is extremely sad.

[chiangmaikelly]

If you're old, decrepit, fat or just a total loser with women then there's an entire legion of women willing to "overlook" your shortcomings in return for a stipend and make you feel loved while doing it. If a guy's happy with that, fair enough but to dress it up as something it ain't is extremely sad.

It does not bother me. It does not bother my wife who is 30 years younger than I. It does not bother my wife's family or our friends; we have an active social life since my wife is an executive with a large multinational company. Since you characterize it as "extremely sad" it appears to bother you. It does not bother me, or my wife or our friends and family; why does it bother you? Now don't say it does not. You would not refer to it as "extremely sad" if it didn't bother you.

[HardenedSoul]

If you're old, decrepit, fat or just a total loser with women then there's an entire legion of women willing to "overlook" your shortcomings in return for a stipend and make you feel loved while doing it. If a guy's happy with that, fair enough but to dress it up as something it ain't is extremely sad.

It does not bother me. It does not bother my wife who is 30 years younger than I. It does not bother my wife's family or our friends; we have an active social life since my wife is an executive with a large multinational company. Since you characterize it as "extremely sad" it appears to bother you. It does not bother me, or my wife or our friends and family; why does it bother you? Now don't say it does not. You would not refer to it as "extremely sad" if it didn't bother you.

Excuse me but I don't see how your situation is in any way similar to the portion of my post you quoted.

I mean, is your wife overlooking your shortcomings in return for a stipend??

It doesn't bother me.

I think fishing around in a trashcan for one's supper is sad but it doesn't bother me when I see someone doing it unless it's a child.

[tim armstrong]

Someone told me that the rule of thumb for age difference was half your age plus seven if you are the old person. My wife and I have a 22 yr gap but it doesn't seem to matter, and any differences we have are the same ones you would find in any western culture.

[Gweiloman]

Someone told me that the rule of thumb for age difference was half your age plus seven if you are the old person. My wife and I have a 22 yr gap but it doesn't seem to matter, and any differences we have are the same ones you would find in any western culture.

Damn! I always thought it was half my age MINUS seven

[chiangmaikelly]

If you're old, decrepit, fat or just a total loser with women then there's an entire legion of women willing to "overlook" your shortcomings in return for a stipend and make you feel loved while doing it. If a guy's happy with that, fair enough but to dress it up as something it ain't is extremely sad.

It does not bother me. It does not bother my wife who is 30 years younger than I. It does not bother my wife's family or our friends; we have an active social life since my wife is an executive with a large multinational company. Since you characterize it as "extremely sad" it appears to bother you. It does not bother me, or my wife or our friends and family; why does it bother you? Now don't say it does not. You would not refer to it as "extremely sad" if it didn't bother you.

Excuse me but I don't see how your situation is in any way similar to the portion of my post you quoted.

I mean, is your wife overlooking your shortcomings in return for a stipend??

It doesn't bother me.

I think fishing around in a trashcan for one's supper is sad but it doesn't bother me when I see someone doing it unless it's a child.

I don't think it extremely sad. I doubt if many posters here think it extremely sad. Like I said before in the West when myself and my wife went out to eat the hostess asked where my daugher and I would like to sit. Never has happened in Thailand. Matter of fact my daughters get a bit freaked out when everyone assumes they are my wife in Thailand.

OK I got a young wife. SOP in Thailand. The only one who thinks it is exremely sad is you. Why?

[OldChinaHam]

If you're old, decrepit, fat or just a total loser with women then there's an entire legion of women willing to "overlook" your shortcomings in return for a stipend and make you feel loved while doing it. If a guy's happy with that, fair enough but to dress it up as something it ain't is extremely sad.

It does not bother me. It does not bother my wife who is 30 years younger than I. It does not bother my wife's family or our friends; we have an active social life since my wife is an executive with a large multinational company. Since you characterize it as "extremely sad" it appears to bother you. It does not bother me, or my wife or our friends and family; why does it bother you? Now don't say it does not. You would not refer to it as "extremely sad" if it didn't bother you.

I think the only sad thing about you is the hat you are wearing.

I very much like the way you write, though.

Keep it up

While you still can.

[HardenedSoul]

If you're old, decrepit, fat or just a total loser with women then there's an entire legion of women willing to "overlook" your shortcomings in return for a stipend and make you feel loved while doing it. If a guy's happy with that, fair enough but to dress it up as something it ain't is extremely sad.

It does not bother me. It does not bother my wife who is 30 years younger than I. It does not bother my wife's family or our friends; we have an active social life since my wife is an executive with a large multinational company. Since you characterize it as "extremely sad" it appears to bother you. It does not bother me, or my wife or our friends and family; why does it bother you? Now don't say it does not. You would not refer to it as "extremely sad" if it didn't bother you.

Excuse me but I don't see how your situation is in any way similar to the portion of my post you quoted.

I mean, is your wife overlooking your shortcomings in return for a stipend??

It doesn't bother me.

I think fishing around in a trashcan for one's supper is sad but it doesn't bother me when I see someone doing it unless it's a child.

I don't think it extremely sad. I doubt if many posters here think it extremely sad. Like I said before in the West when myself and my wife went out to eat the hostess asked where my daugher and I would like to sit. Never has happened in Thailand. Matter of fact my daughters get a bit freaked out when everyone assumes they are my wife in Thailand.

OK I got a young wife. SOP in Thailand. The only one who thinks it is exremely sad is you. Why?

Look CMK, I know you're not an idiot so stop acting like one.

I don't give a rat's arse whether other posters think it's sad or not. Many of them are fairly old so they're gonna disagree with my assertions on general principle.

The thing is, though, my argument is NOT self-serving. I'm not sticking to this line because I'm young - I'm nothing of the sort. I'm 46. This ain't a young bloke/old bloke, them & us situation.

Hey, I ain't even against age-gap relationships. If a guy wants a young bint 30 years his junior, fine but in most instances, he's gonna be paying for that shit, especially here.

Again, fine, but to pretend that it's love and nothing to do with money is delusion and that, good sir, is sad.

[OldChinaHam]

"Hey, I ain't even against age-gap relationships. If a guy wants a young bint 30 years his junior, fine but in most instances, he's gonna be paying for that shit, especially here.

Again, fine, but to pretend that it's love and nothing to do with money is delusion and that, good sir, is sad."

It could also be love.

Especially if you are a painter like Salvador Dali.

[chiangmaikelly]

Again, fine, but to pretend that it's love and nothing to do with money is delusion and that, good sir, is sad.

It's sad to you. And maybe a couple of others here on Thai Visa. That's all. I started working for rich old guys when I was 14; after school every day and three months in the summer 18 hours a day. I know about old men and young women. Of course they pretend it's love. Why would you do it if you didn't pretend it was love?

Why are action movies so popular? The boys in the audience are pretending they are Batman and Iron man.

I'm pretending I'm Hugh Hefner and Hugh Hefner is probably pretending he is me. I've heard he reads Thai Visa.

You assume that you are correct. You don't question that it may be you who is sad.

Sad is pretending that the old guys are sad when they are happy to somehow make yourself feel less sad. Sad is denigrating others who are happy to make your self feel better. If the old guys were sad they would tell you. If the old guys wanted someone to warn them about the perils of living with a younger woman they would tell you.

It's just a game. Santana is 65 Michelle Branch is 29.

Edited May 29, 2013 by chiangmaikelly