Wife's

[meom]

We have sometimes discussions about money.

If I go out by myself with 500baht in my pocket I spend it all and come home a happy drunk.

If I go out with my mates with 2500baht in my pocket I also spend it all and come home a happy drunk.

For her it's all the same and she'd rather see me get pissed on 500baht than on 2500baht. I tried to explain her but she doesn't seem to get the concept of drinking buddies, ringing the bell etc..

Ofcourse when she goes out eating with half the village it's something else that I will never understand

[bbigman21]

We have sometimes discussions about money.

If I go out by myself with 500baht in my pocket I spend it all and come home a happy drunk.

If I go out with my mates with 2500baht in my pocket I also spend it all and come home a happy drunk.

For her it's all the same and she'd rather see me get pissed on 500baht than on 2500baht. I tried to explain her but she doesn't seem to get the concept of drinking buddies, ringing the bell etc..

Ofcourse when she goes out eating with half the village it's something else that I will never understand

When we were in Bangkok it was nothing to spend on average about 8,000 a day. Taxi , shopping, eating out, massage, you know the vacation thing. When we spend time in her village it is the same amoount of money and she lives in a small Baan outside Surin. And all I do is lay in the hammock all day and read. She don't let me drink to much in her home. Her father had a problem with it. But I am preaching to the preachers here

[dcas]

In 32 years of marriage I can think of many "discussions" my wife and I have had but never anything serious or life threatening. I too have, on occasion, thought about wringing her little neck but I maintained my cool and let it go. The biggest thing I had trouble with in the beginning of our relationship and in the first part of our marriage was the "mai pen rai" attitude. I would become upset about something and she would just shake it off and use that expression. Sometimes that would set me off more and we would not talk to each other for a while. I have mellowed some now and have come to accept this way of thinking and have even brought it up to her when she was upset about something. Sometimes it didn't go over as well as I had hoped and she would get upset with me and I'd be in the dog house for a while. Seems Thais don't like it when they have the expression used on them.

But since this is my third marriage I always think of the other two and thank Lord Bhudda for giving me this wonderful women. I'm sure that when we move to Thailand (sometime this year I hope) we will have a great life together. I'm really looking forward to it.

[Mr Red]

when she goes quiet and won't respond to the "what's wrong" questions and won't reveal what she is pissed about. As I get older, that bothers me less and I can almost wait her out now.

Every now and then my wife is the same. Total silence. But I'm mastering the visual signs of her body language. The Cold Shoulder, The Crossed Arms of Isolation, The Frenzied Eyebrow of Incomprehension, The Sneer of Despair. But they all wane in comparision to the Grimace of Doom or The Scowl of Impending Wrath.

I can handle them all to a certain degree except for 'The Flared Nostrils of Total Rejection', because I know I'm not going to be getting my Jollies anytime soon.

Great --- now I have descriptive terms!

[Soju]

We have never fought or had any arguments. We've had lots and lots of misunderstandings, due mostly to language problems, but she knows I love her and I know she loves me, so the misunderstandings are always handled very calmly and we just talk about it until we figure out what the communication problem was. We're both very calm and patient people, so I'd guess that if one of you is easily angered and not patient you'd end up with lots of arguments. I've never once got the silent treatment from her.

Edited March 27, 2006 by Soju

[TAWP]

the falang style of argument including the yelling and obscenities doesn't go over well

We all make that mistake.

Once

cv

Yes...now she does it much more then me...

Now the circle is complete - the padawan has become the master.

Edited March 27, 2006 by TAWP

[Tippaporn]

I have been with my Thai g/f for over four years and she has been living with me in Australia for almost two years.

We have yet to have our first argument. We have yet to have our first disagreement.

As for any cultural differences, she has slipped straight into the Aussie way of life. Cultural differences in our household don't exist.

Fingers crossed that it stays that way.

Same here, MM. Four plus years and not a single fight or argument. That's not to say she hasn't gotten mad at me at times, but those times are extremely rare. When it happens I put the lid on it pretty quickly. I simply tell her with a smile that she can be mad at me if she wants, but I love her anyway. Makes it tough to fight when you don't have anyone to fight with.

Disagreements? Sure. But nothing either of us get upset over. It's been bliss so far . . .

[ray23]

Well she already knows she does it. And usually what happens after the day two of me kissing a** I will get mad and say something then I will ignore her and then it is over for her side and mine last for very short time. I think she takes after her father very short temper. Luckily I do not have to deal with that because he has passed. But he lives on in his daughter.

Well did you see this in her before you married?

Sounds like there are only two choices, adapt or move on. Me I adapt to her short comings and she to mine most of the time, so I won't be moving on.

[bbigman21]

When my wife does get mad at me sure sometimes I am upset or if I do get mad my love never changes. She says her love goes down when she is mad at me. Also I know my wife is younger than me and I know that accounts for some of this. But on a whole I think Thai women grow up a lot faster than there western counterparts.

[bbigman21]

Well she already knows she does it. And usually what happens after the day two of me kissing a** I will get mad and say something then I will ignore her and then it is over for her side and mine last for very short time. I think she takes after her father very short temper. Luckily I do not have to deal with that because he has passed. But he lives on in his daughter.

Well did you see this in her before you married?

Sounds like there are only two choices, adapt or move on. Me I adapt to her short comings and she to mine most of the time, so I won't be moving on.

Well of course I will adapt to it. At first I was looking for people with similar problems. Then it just turned in t a interesting post.

[ray23]

Oh dont get confused I get my silent treatment to. I tried yelling only got more. I stopped talking to her for a few days and she does it less these days. To answer my own question no she didn't do it before we got married

Once the honeymoon is over life does change

[Cpt_M0ney_Sh0t]

Were pretty good, mabey once everyother month. But it usualy end with her perfering to cry and submit rather than actualy defend her case. I would much rather she make a attempt to use logic and debate her case if she thinks I'm wrong. Or if she thinks I'm right just say I'm right. But this "Ok do what ever you want" additutde bothers me and I don't feel like we really solved anything or have come closer to understanding each other.

Ever thought that the crying might just be out of sheer frustration about getting a point across? I presume you talk and argue in her native language right? You allow her to "defend her case" in Thai? You make the effort to learn her logic, language and cultural norms right by speaking in Thai too? Otherwise, I submit that the courthouse is one where justice and understanding (which you say you want) will be hard to find.

We always talk in English and joke in Thai. Her English is very near Native level and we understand each other clearly. So langauge is not a problem. It's culture. I don't ever let the fact that I'm American, or Black, or Wiccan, or from a small family, or a only child... or anything else about were I am from or my culture be made a crutch to justify Logic (notice I said Logic as a stand alone word without possession) Where as with her it's often, well because I'm Thai or because family, or tradition ect ect...

I feel like since she chose me for who and what I am she should comprimise these values and work with me on a level playing field. Which she dose for the most part. Just some times the Thai culture issues come into play...

Like I don't like the way her mother still treats her like a child and how she acts different around her often doing things she dose not agree with or dose not want to do because thats her culture. I support her so long as she is happy but I can't stand by silently when her mom is doing these things and she is obviously not happy.

[bbigman21]

Oh dont get confused I get my silent treatment to. I tried yelling only got more. I stopped talking to her for a few days and she does it less these days. To answer my own question no she didn't do it before we got married

Once the honeymoon is over life does change

My wife is a very happy and carefree person or atleast acts that way 90% of time. Boy that other 10% watchout If she knew I was writing this I think she would be mad.

That was something I forget to mention my wife she is a very private person with our relationship.

She doesn't like me to talk to my friends about anything that has to do with us. However I have very close friend that is going through something like I am going through and I am trying to help him out. So sometimes what I tell him is a source of our arguments.

[Donz]

maybe I shouldnt get married anytime soon aye.

[bbigman21]

Well I suppose I could start a thread extolling that benfeit of being married to my Thai wife

[wolf5370]

Only had one serious blow out over the last 8 years of being married (plus two for courting). It was over my son from an earlier marriage. English boys are not what most Thai ex-teachers are expecting. He says things like "Yeah, in a minute" where she expects "yes maam I'll do it now" followed by him getting up a running to his task.

They had a fight (verbal not physical) ending with her saying the only English insult she knew ('you little sh!t!' - no idea where she got that from, not one I've ever used) and she told him his mother was -erm - not a nice person .

This of course meant that we had an arguement as I tried to explain that this was part of the Western kids stretching-their-muscles kinda thing. This, is of course me making excuses for him and taking his side (even though we are talking when he is out). So we end up in a blinder.

Next day I come home to find she has drilled a hole in one of my cupboards, extracted my family photo albums and proceeded to rip up and burn all of my family pictures of my son. Talk about pouring petrol on fire!!! It took about a month to get over that one - and it took some mediation too.

That was many years back and my son still lives with us - though he grew out of his arguementative stage as I said he would. He calls her Pee <name> and she calls him by his name. They are perfectly OK together now, but it took time.

The only thing that happens now that causes some sparks is her interpretation of facial expression. If I am watching something on the box or on the computer and she asks me something at the usual critical point, I can't help show consternation on my face. She takes this to be an attack and I can explain it to her - even after many years of the same thing happening.

Having said all that, we are very happy together and still very much in love. Arguements are very few and far between and necessary for a healthy relationship I think - otherwise it smacks of one being subservient to the other.

[ray23]

That other thread is a good idea it took minutes writing down the conflicts it would take a week to just start listing the benefits of the lovely lady that I married. But don't tell her I don't want her that comfortable

[astral]

I have been married for 9 years now and and knew each other for about 3 years before tying the know. It is very rare that my wife and I fight.

Give the differences between our cultures, Thai and UK, I am amazed at how often we find ourselves thinking in the same way.

Edited March 28, 2006 by astral

[tutsiwarrior]

we don't have no 'misunderstandings'...she just does what I tell her (low growl)...

but...to be honest when away at work I run the show pretty much, when back in Suphan she's the boss...of everything. Second oldest of 6 siblings in a tight extended family she's recognized as the head of the family and nobody messes with her. So when we're back at the ranch I just stay out of the way...she makes sure that I have comfort, nourishment and liquor and then goes about her business as if I'm not there. It's OK...I've got the kids to play with and pretty much everything I could want so no pompem. She's quite resourceful...when I was unemployed and the money was running out everything pretty much stayed the same...no worries.

So...I'm OK...we've got the boundaries defined...

I should illustrate...there is a cousin, a young lad that has congenital cataracts that severely impairs his eyesight...he can't find a decent job or even think about raising a family. I said to the wife 'we could help him...not too much money needed to fix that'. She didn't say anything...just implied...'let me handle this, tutsi'. She has her own way of dealing with the family and I'm not allowed to interfere. I'm happy with the arrangement as I would just do something like a dumb falang that would be misunderstood.

So...other than a couple of crates of Chang and some bottles of Sang Som when we come to town I have no influence on the family's fortunes other than the monthly stipend to the mother-in-law. Better that way I figure...

[meom]

I don't even bother about the mother in law

The missus is taken care of and whatever wealth she wishes to redistribute to her family is up to her as long as they don't bother me.

That works out alright except sometimes for major things (surgery or something) she asks me if it's ok.

[ray23]

Mine was a very different situation in that the wifes Father killed her mother over a Mia Noi whne she wa a little girl. He gose off to prison and by twelve she was a housekepper to an older Thai couple. So when the family asked for money my first question is what did they do for you. Up into recently the answer has always been nothing and that was exactly what they got.

An aunt that I haven't even met yet called her and asked her for 1K baht to open a noodle stand her husband recently lot his job. This is the aunt who did help and essentially raised her and her brother we sent 2K.

For those who helped her a a child I have no problem giving them a helping hand but I will not give a hand out.

So everyone of us probably has a different set of circumstances to deal with. I have helped our housekeeper with tuition for her children to go to college, she is widow and sends her girls to school not the bar. That I will help with where I can. But thats just me.

For me coming from a very poor background myself, if I can give someone a chance to work for a better life I will. But, that has to be done on a very small scale because my wife comes first.

I think one of the reasons my wife and I stuck together through the really rough times of not being able to communicate and the misunderstandings was we simply had no other places that we would go.

I was through with the bar scene and the games and that I wanted more and so did she.

[Gary A]

My wife is a country girl and she is used to doing things by herself. She is actually pretty handy. When I am doing something, normally repairs of some kind she thinks it is her job to watch over my shoulder and supervise. That irritates me to no end. I yell at her and tell her to go away. She usually yells right back at me. I then throw the tools on the ground and stomp off. Most of the time she DOES finish the job but once in a while she can't do it. That's when I get my revenge. I LOVE it when her idea doesn't work.

She is also a back seat driver who sits in the front. She loves to tell me how to drive. This normally creates another shouting match. I ended up buying another vehicle for her so now I can tell her to go by herself.

The best part about our squabbles is that within an hour she has forgotten all about the squabble and is back to her normal smiling self. We have never had a serious argument about anything.

[bbigman21]

Well when my wife is not mad which is most of the time anyway. She is the most outgoing happiest person you want to meet even if she is not feeling well.