Sinsod from a poor man

[Kananga]

But, if you can be generous with your time, having experienced both Thai and Farang culture, excellent English comprehension and being both Thai and a Female, your advice to many men, new to Thailand would assist them immensely to bridge the Cultural divide.

I look forward to reading more of you here ... .

What exactly is 'farang' culture? Don't you mean American culture?

Sounds like a topic for discussion to be asked in the General Forum ... I'll defer to you on that one.

OH, when you say 'American' ... do you mean the United States, Canada, or a nation in South America?

.

I mean The United States as the US is often referred to as America and the other places you mentioned never are (surprised you didn't know that) and the biggest clue of all, she was educated in Michigan. Wouldn't take a genius to figure out I wasn't referring to Peruvian culture.

[richard_smith237]

Op: it's seems as though you've found a decent hard working woman, with the concerns you have given it appears you are a decent hard working man.

If both the above statements are true then you don't need to worry. Communicate your concerns with your fiancé, she should understand.

[richard_smith237]

Edit: Double post.

Edited July 1, 2013 by richard_smith237

[ThaidDown]

. I also have been married and divorced

In that case Sin Sod would normally not be paid .

[PattyR]

Thank you David48 and Jpinx for your kind words. I also appreciate all of the inputs made on this topic.

One more thing I should clarify, my bf is aware of Sin Sod is being paid at the wedding but he's worried about it now because he wants to get an early start on savings.

Due to the plan that he's going to spend a month or so at my family home, the engagement seems appropriate since he'll be seen by others that he's coming and going. Simply put "to avoid people gossiping about us" if that's even possible 5555. Yes it all comes down to "the face" again. In summary the engagement is a way to announce that I'm not just shacking up with this guy.

Not to be naive, we stayed together at his home in his country for 2 weeks and another 2 weeks in a hotel in Thailand before. My family seems to be good at turning blind eyes for everything that happens further away from our home.

When it comes to explaining about Thai culture; my own experience, what I've been informed, and my humble opinion are all I have to share with.

[aboctok]

Think long and hard before you go any further in this ,you have answered most of your own questions .

Just how we like it: short and bitter.

[rizla]

Sorry to the OP, but forget all this loss of face sh1t......Thais dont worry about loss of face, they have at least the same as the town clock, 4.

You are entering into the land of B and B, not bed and breakfast, but Baht and Boom...g , the eggshell walk has just begun take care.

[wooloomooloo]

denmyos - I'm concerned about PattyR's aura. It's truly disturbing and was probably an extra in Damien: Omen II.

[nottocus]

Just tell him he doesn't need to pay sin sod and get your family members say it also.

Then the poor guy won't have to worry about saving for it and the money can be put away for more important things later.

[brewsterbudgen]

Post #88,

I actually meant the culture found round Surin/Buriram area, not that it matters either will do.

No mention of northern hill tribe culture, is it part of Thai culture?

What about Viet influences, do they count as part of Thai culture?

Lets move on down south, is it also considered part of Thai culture?

Havent even got started on the religious differences, do they come under Thai culture?

The farang too often is passed off with any old toss thats dressed up as "Thai tradition", when its nothing of the sort.

Have a look at the funerals carried out in Bkk and Issan for starters.

Have a look at the monk piss up parties carried out in both areas, one seems to be nothing more than a show of face and a waste of money, the other is a dignified affair, is one more Thai than the other?

All cultures have elements of other cultures - the most popular British dish these days is chicken tikka massala.

What's your point? If "Thai culture" isn't referred to as Thai culture, what do you suggest?

[Pops]

quote:

"She is middle to upper class and i want to give her the ring she deserve, and the gold that is expected of me."

If she is middle class I doubt it already, but if she is upper class, like you say she is, forget about 100K being enough.

Do you actually know what upper class Thais financially represent and how lavishly their wedding-celebrations are ??

She sounds more like upper lower class, listening to the way you describe her struggle to get her business running.

Upper class Thai, means that mommy and daddy would have made a struggle for business success, completely unnecessary.

Anyway, It doesn't matter which class she's from.

Just discuss the Sinsod issue with your GF, she will come up with a solution/answer, which will clarify all your questions and describe way forward.

[Kananga]

Post #88,

I actually meant the culture found round Surin/Buriram area, not that it matters either will do.

No mention of northern hill tribe culture, is it part of Thai culture?

What about Viet influences, do they count as part of Thai culture?

Lets move on down south, is it also considered part of Thai culture?

Havent even got started on the religious differences, do they come under Thai culture?

The farang too often is passed off with any old toss thats dressed up as "Thai tradition", when its nothing of the sort.

Have a look at the funerals carried out in Bkk and Issan for starters.

Have a look at the monk piss up parties carried out in both areas, one seems to be nothing more than a show of face and a waste of money, the other is a dignified affair, is one more Thai than the other?

And why are you asking me anyway? I never mentioned 'Thai culture'. But to answer your questions yes they are all part of Thai culture as they are all within Thai borders. Seems pretty straightforward to me.

[glegolo]

Oh my God, i feel bad for you my friend. Dont ever get stuck in this and think that you cannot do what you

want to do. The solution lays with you and not what other people think and do.

You do NOT have to marry her NOW, forget that... take your time and save up in a slow pace if that is what you want to do!!! Me myself is in the very same position as you are. Muy solution for me, was simply to marry my wife legally (at the amphue) inform the family that the Buddah-wedding will come in due time when it is OK for YOU AND YOUR WIFE......

Do not fell into this trap called culture,. it is just bullshit. people will tell you this and that and inform you how it works here in Thailand. I can tell you that everything works here in Thailand. behave with respect towars your family, inform them openly about your intentions and you will be jusy fine, I promise you.

Glegolo

[rgs2001uk]

Post #88,

I actually meant the culture found round Surin/Buriram area, not that it matters either will do.

No mention of northern hill tribe culture, is it part of Thai culture?

What about Viet influences, do they count as part of Thai culture?

Lets move on down south, is it also considered part of Thai culture?

Havent even got started on the religious differences, do they come under Thai culture?

The farang too often is passed off with any old toss thats dressed up as "Thai tradition", when its nothing of the sort.

Have a look at the funerals carried out in Bkk and Issan for starters.

Have a look at the monk piss up parties carried out in both areas, one seems to be nothing more than a show of face and a waste of money, the other is a dignified affair, is one more Thai than the other?

All cultures have elements of other cultures - the most popular British dish these days is chicken tikka massala.

What's your point? If "Thai culture" isn't referred to as Thai culture, what do you suggest?

Some in Thailand eat dog meat, should we call it Thai culture?

I have already given two examples of the same event taking place, yet both are far removed from each other in what takes place.

Do you want me to go on, how about people worshipping magic trees and talking snakes?

Dont see much evidence of that in Bkk.

Same with sin sot, some pay some dont, some get the money returned some dont, some are given houses and land others arent.

It doesnt concern me either way what happens, that between the prospective groom and his future family to discuss.

However to be passed off with its Thai tradition for the groom to pay nothing more than a down payment with monthly payments to follow is certainly contrary to what I see happening with Thai/Thai marriages.

YMMV.

[Kananga]

Post #88,

I actually meant the culture found round Surin/Buriram area, not that it matters either will do.

No mention of northern hill tribe culture, is it part of Thai culture?

What about Viet influences, do they count as part of Thai culture?

Lets move on down south, is it also considered part of Thai culture?

Havent even got started on the religious differences, do they come under Thai culture?

The farang too often is passed off with any old toss thats dressed up as "Thai tradition", when its nothing of the sort.

Have a look at the funerals carried out in Bkk and Issan for starters.

Have a look at the monk piss up parties carried out in both areas, one seems to be nothing more than a show of face and a waste of money, the other is a dignified affair, is one more Thai than the other?

All cultures have elements of other cultures - the most popular British dish these days is chicken tikka massala.

What's your point? If "Thai culture" isn't referred to as Thai culture, what do you suggest?

Some in Thailand eat dog meat, should we call it Thai culture?

Yes, you would phrase it like this. 'In some parts of Thai culture is is acceptable to eat dog meat'. Or even 'In some parts of Thailand it is culturally acceptable to eat dogs'.

Edited July 3, 2013 by Kananga

[MobileContent]

First of all let me introduce myself...I am the GF in this topic

Since some of you'd like to know our age; I'm 33 and he's 46. My education is Bachelor degree in Business Management from Davenport University in MI, USA. I was working for several large corporations both overseas and in Bangkok but I decided to start my own business which I manufacture and distribute juice products. I also own a small coffee shop. My family(Chinese-Thai) has their own ice business so they are not expecting any income from me. I also have been married and divorced but no children. So hopefully this clears up some of you guys' questions.

The reason why Sin Sod is an issue here is because my BF insists that he wants to do what is right or expected of him. After all if he's going to live in this country then he should respect its culture and traditions (his word not mine). As for the ceremony, I don't want anything big. Just want a very small and only close friends and family.

(Ok if anyone needs a barf bag now is a good time to grab it) I love my BF very much, I just want to be with him. I believe that obstacles are there for us to overcome together. Honey...(aka Denmyos) my family'll love you for the fact that you make me happy.

That's my two cents....for now! By the way thank you for all the best wishes, hope the same for you guys too.

Welcome to ThaiVisa ...

AFP. That is truly an awesome first post ...

Denmyos is truly lucky to have such a highly educated Chinese-Thai woman such as yourself.

Up until now, I've heard unsavoury reports on English tuition within the Thai education system, but they would appear unfounded as your grasp of slang, grammar, spelling and sentence construction puts many here on the Forum, native English speakers, to shame.

My Thai dentist was also educated to the States and has nowhere near such a good grasp of the language.

With all your credentials, you could have the choice of almost any man, Thailand or Farang, it certainly it must be true love for you both.

The pressure from your wealthy Thai-Chinese family must be enormous to have a Big Face, large wedding ... are a strong individual ...

I wish you both good luck and since you are here to help your bf on Thai Visa, my input is no longer required.

Since you have joined the Forum, there are many other areas that might interest you.

A Forum especially dedicated to Female subjects ... the choice is almost ended.

But, if you can be generous with your time, having experienced both Thai and Farang culture, excellent English comprehension and being both Thai and a Female, your advice to many men, new to Thailand would assist them immensely to bridge the Cultural divide.

I look forward to reading more of you here ...

.

What exactly is 'farang' culture? Don't you mean American culture?

What exactly is Thai culture, and does it differ from Khmer (Issan) culture?

Khmer is Surin and Sisaket culture. Dpn't mix it up with the Isaan culture of lao

[MobileContent]

Thank you David48 and Jpinx for your kind words. I also appreciate all of the inputs made on this topic.

One more thing I should clarify, my bf is aware of Sin Sod is being paid at the wedding but he's worried about it now because he wants to get an early start on savings.

Due to the plan that he's going to spend a month or so at my family home, the engagement seems appropriate since he'll be seen by others that he's coming and going. Simply put "to avoid people gossiping about us" if that's even possible 5555. Yes it all comes down to "the face" again. In summary the engagement is a way to announce that I'm not just shacking up with this guy.

Not to be naive, we stayed together at his home in his country for 2 weeks and another 2 weeks in a hotel in Thailand before. My family seems to be good at turning blind eyes for everything that happens further away from our home.

When it comes to explaining about Thai culture; my own experience, what I've been informed, and my humble opinion are all I have to share with.

It would be interesting to know how much Sinsod your ex paid and if it was refunded.

I am not an enemy of Sinsod but I always hear that Chinese Thais pay back the money after the ceremony.

For me Sinsod is not a problem and I actually paid 200,000 Baht for Sinsod and when we engaged I paid earlier another 200,000 Baht. Most of the money was refunded to me and I invited a lot of my friends from the high society in Bangkok that came in for the party.

My mother in law really doesn't care what the people's said and we have a very good relationship and have been happy from the first day I entered the village.

[glegolo]

drtjw

Edited July 4, 2013 by glegolo

[rgs2001uk]

Thank you David48 and Jpinx for your kind words. I also appreciate all of the inputs made on this topic.

One more thing I should clarify, my bf is aware of Sin Sod is being paid at the wedding but he's worried about it now because he wants to get an early start on savings.

Due to the plan that he's going to spend a month or so at my family home, the engagement seems appropriate since he'll be seen by others that he's coming and going. Simply put "to avoid people gossiping about us" if that's even possible 5555. Yes it all comes down to "the face" again. In summary the engagement is a way to announce that I'm not just shacking up with this guy.

Not to be naive, we stayed together at his home in his country for 2 weeks and another 2 weeks in a hotel in Thailand before. My family seems to be good at turning blind eyes for everything that happens further away from our home.

When it comes to explaining about Thai culture; my own experience, what I've been informed, and my humble opinion are all I have to share with.

It would be interesting to know how much Sinsod your ex paid and if it was refunded.

I am not an enemy of Sinsod but I always hear that Chinese Thais pay back the money after the ceremony.

For me Sinsod is not a problem and I actually paid 200,000 Baht for Sinsod and when we engaged I paid earlier another 200,000 Baht. Most of the money was refunded to me and I invited a lot of my friends from the high society in Bangkok that came in for the party.

My mother in law really doesn't care what the people's said and we have a very good relationship and have been happy from the first day I entered the village.

My mother in law really doesn't care what the people's said

Good girl, and best of luck to you, you are so fortunate to have a MIL like that.

I laughingly joke with my wife, if anything happens to her I will move in with the MIL or she can move in with me.

The MIL is "old school" and doesnt suffer fools gladly, I remember years her ago her telling me, if my daughter gives you any problems, belt her, LOL.

The MIL comes to the house and brings about 5 kilos of mattsam nua,because she knows I like to eat, the wife is walking on egg shells, the MIL inspects the house like some sort of Sgt Majors inspection and makes sure its up to her standard, told me, I didnt raise daughters to be lazy, smashing old woman.

As to post #106, I am already aware like you, wonder how many others are?

Best of luck sounds like you married a good one.

[PuaSai]

My Thai wife and I got married with one witness from the paper translation company at an Amphur in Bangkok. After we went out for dinner in Bangkok at a restaurant we like with some Thai friends and in-laws and I paid MAY 3000THB for the bill and that was for like 8 people. We had a big party my next trip back with family and neighbors in Issan that cost like 4000 THB tops ( it's a lot cheaper there in Issan) and that included alcohol. I have an in-law that owns a pig farm so I was able to order pork a little cheaper; connections can help.

There was no lay out of sin sot to show everyone. It was all very simple and inexpensive. I got a gold chain for her Mom and Dad and gold for her, but gold was like 10.5 k baht per baht then. I was still WAY below 100k THB.

If she loves you and you have been honest with her regarding your financial struggle, she will act as a mediator for you with her family. My Thai wife was very supportive and helpful with this..the way it should be if its not a scam. If you are being pressured to cough up a lot of cash, think hard about the whole thing. Understand though, because you are a foreigner and can travel internationally, it is sometimes difficult to sell poor mouth to Thais because usually they don't have the means to do this type of travel.

Good Luck Man and hope it all works out for the best with you.

[EyesWideOpen]

I am confused. As near as I can tell this problem is a moot point.

From what I have read of sin sod within Thai culture, there is no

sin sod if the woman has been married before. She has already stated

that she has been married before, so this is simply a non issue.

Certainly with farangs that are contemplating marrying bar girls, she will

do her best to convince him that even though she has two ex husbands

and three kids being raised by grandma, in order for him to abide by

Thai customs, he must pay a huge sin sod.... Which is basically a

straight out scam.

Edited July 5, 2013 by EyesWideOpen

[PattyR]

I never ask for Sin Sod from my boyfriend. I'm also aware of a common guideline that having been married before doesn't "entitle" me to get Sin Sod this time. However Sin Sod isn't a law but more of a sensitive subject which should be looked at as case by case matter. It depends on each couples' perspective and varieties of conditions. There is no written rule that a woman who's been previously married shouldn't be qualified for Sin Sod.

My boyfriend has consideration for my family's feelings thus the Sin Sod idea came up. For me none of these matter...a big lavish wedding, a room full of guests (who I barely know), exquisite cuisine, etc. In fact my dream wedding is very simple.

[thaicbr]

I never ask for Sin Sod from my boyfriend. I'm also aware of a common guideline that having been married before doesn't "entitle" me to get Sin Sod this time. However Sin Sod isn't a law but more of a sensitive subject which should be looked at as case by case matter. It depends on each couples' perspective and varieties of conditions. There is no written rule that a woman who's been previously married shouldn't be qualified for Sin Sod.

My boyfriend has consideration for my family's feelings thus the Sin Sod idea came up. For me none of these matter...a big lavish wedding, a room full of guests (who I barely know), exquisite cuisine, etc. In fact my dream wedding is very simple.

Op.... Are you listening!!!

Sent from my i-mobile i-STYLE Q6

[Sharp]

And yup, what is the rush to get married?

I've always told my GF's that I will only consider getting married after 5 years of living together. My wive actually cut that short as we were living together for 4 years before we decided to.

BTW, the longer you are here, the more Alien the society and culture gets as you begin to understand more and more.

Go slowly... very slowly, trust me, that is sage advise to a 'poor man' thinking of selling his things to pay for Sinsod.

I never mention marriage, i mention engagement and sinsod.

Marriage should come if we are both comfortable being engage and we both are wiling to move on and get married.

Thus meaning in a few years.

Sin sod to get engaged ......,..since when !!!!!!!

Sent from my iPad using ThaiVisa app

[rgs2001uk]

I never ask for Sin Sod from my boyfriend. I'm also aware of a common guideline that having been married before doesn't "entitle" me to get Sin Sod this time. However Sin Sod isn't a law but more of a sensitive subject which should be looked at as case by case matter. It depends on each couples' perspective and varieties of conditions. There is no written rule that a woman who's been previously married shouldn't be qualified for Sin Sod.

My boyfriend has consideration for my family's feelings thus the Sin Sod idea came up. For me none of these matter...a big lavish wedding, a room full of guests (who I barely know), exquisite cuisine, etc. In fact my dream wedding is very simple.

For me none of these matter...a big lavish wedding, a room full of guests (who I barely know), exquisite cuisine, etc. In fact my dream wedding is very simple.

Good girl, nice to hear it from a females perspective, perhaps your boyfriend should listen to you, and take heed of what you want, not what he thinks you or your family or posters on here think you want.

If you want a simple wedding my MIL can point you in the right direction, 10k total.

[pigeonjake]

SIN SOD, thai culture, what ever you want to call it,

in england its culture for the father of the bride to pay for the weding,

i explained all that to my girlfreind at the time now wife, im not poor, im not rich, im sat at work now in the office,

but whos culture are you going to go with,?

i didnt give sin sod and didnt get asked, but saying that i did built the inlaws a small house that cost me 1200 pounds or there abouts,

and we all get on very well,

at the end of the day every couple are different,

enjoy,

jake

[Scottythai]

I am confused. As near as I can tell this problem is a moot point.

From what I have read of sin sod within Thai culture, there is no

sin sod if the woman has been married before. She has already stated

that she has been married before, so this is simply a non issue.

Certainly with farangs that are contemplating marrying bar girls, she will

do her best to convince him that even though she has two ex husbands

and three kids being raised by grandma, in order for him to abide by

Thai customs, he must pay a huge sin sod.... Which is basically a

straight out scam.

Sadly Sin Sod is not the honored tradition it once was. There used to be a purpose now it's show and tell. You give me and I show my neighbours so they can tell everyone how I am such a good rich girl. Meh Tradition is only used when it works in favor of some familys. Others honestly would not care of there was Sin Sod or not as long as the daughter was happy and could be taken care of.

[belg]

question

if a farang woman marries a thai ... the thai man pays sinsod to the farangs parents?

5555