Giving the extended family a piece of my mind

[ozzy111]

My wife and kids seem to get constantly put down by her extended family uncles and cousins etc,it is a endless half joking/ not really joking comments of our life ranging from how much money have to how healthy my kids are and it really gets my wife and at times my kids down. I understand this as tall poppy syndrome as we call it in Australia and it makes them feel good about themselves to see my wife and kids upset, I live here full time (going on 10years) except for the occasional business trip and over the years I have just let it go as I cant be bothered with such petty village shit.

The other day one of uncles his daughter came over to my house and proceeded to tell my youngest daughter who is 5 years old that she is fat and ugly and she should go on a diet I'll add there is no chance that she is fat in any way shape or form she is just a healthy well feed and well looked after child, they didn't realize I was in the next room and overheard them saying this, at this point I lost it and gave them a brake down of how pathetic there lives are and they should take a good look at themselves before trying to bring my family down to there level and told the to leave.

Since this exchanged no one speaks to me or my kids which suits me to be honest, the joking/heckling has also stopped toward my wife although she feels we/she have lost face in some way but I feel sometimes enough is enough.

Anyone with similar experiences?

[Gsxrnz]

I would say that you had a chance to nip this in the bud 10 years ago and the opportunity is now lost. You didn't establish your place in the pecking order and have been relegated to your present position. Face was lost a long time ago but your recent outburst has just crystalised it for everybody concerned.

How to remedy it? I haven't got a clue, but I doubt the situation will improve much with time.

[ozzy111]

I would say that you had a chance to nip this in the bud 10 years ago and the opportunity is now lost. You didn't establish your place in the pecking order and have been relegated to your present position. Face was lost a long time ago but your recent outburst has just crystalised it for everybody concerned.

How to remedy it? I haven't got a clue, but I doubt the situation will improve much with time.

It was never really that bad at first just niggling really (I couldn't speak Thai back then either to understand what was being) also the missus asked me not to say anything as she did'nt want to have any "problems" so what do you do.

As for remedying the situation I'm happy with the outcome.

[ubonjoe]

I have never experienced anything like your post. But I suspect that if it did happen it would be my wife who stopped it because she doesn't take much nonsense from anybody (including me).

[Morden]

It seems that some villagers think it's acceptable for them to poke fun at the farang and his family but will sulk if there's a similar response.

I haven't experienced anything like it from the family other than a brother in law taking liberties by filling bags with fruit from our land. Occasionally, one of the less intelligent locals will make comments in our local shop when I'm there, thinking I don't understand. The best response is no response but I wouldn't put up with it from family members and I think that you were right to respond as you did. The remarks made by the relatives could be emotionally damaging to a five year old and it was good for her that a parent stood up for her.

It's good for you if your wife is with you in this. Too often the 90% give way to the rude 10% in order to avoid conflict. It's always the victim that's seen to be seen to lose face by reacting but that wouldn't stop me and my wife has learned to draw the line of tolerance much sooner than she once did. If your family has stopped its games as a result of your reaction, that's a good thing, I think. I expect that they will get over it in time. Better silence from them than the previous snide remarks.

[chuckd]

Your own 5 year old is much more important to you than your wife's uncle's daughter.

You defended your family and your wife should be rightfully proud you did.

[patongphil]

I have never experienced anything like your post. But I suspect that if it did happen it would be my wife who stopped it because she doesn't take much nonsense from anybody (including me).

Very similar here. I would actually feel sorry for anyone making snide remarks re our family as my Missus would have their balls for breakfast.

[bergen]

I have never experienced anything like your post. But I suspect that if it did happen it would be my wife who stopped it because she doesn't take much nonsense from anybody (including me).

Very similar here. I would actually feel sorry for anyone making snide remarks re our family as my Missus would have their balls for breakfast.

Similar here as well.

If Ozzy111's wife is on his side, he'll be fine!

[ozzy111]

I have never experienced anything like your post. But I suspect that if it did happen it would be my wife who stopped it because she doesn't take much nonsense from anybody (including me).

Very similar here. I would actually feel sorry for anyone making snide remarks re our family as my Missus would have their balls for breakfast.

Similar here as well.

If Ozzy111's wife is on his side, he'll be fine!

Yer she's on my side, my missus is just a relaxed gentle soul that prefers to not to make waves.

[up-country_sinclair]

Maybe it could have been done at a more appropriate moment and more calmly, but standing up for your daughter when she's being bullied is the right thing to do.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

Don't invite people who badmouth you or your family into your home.

Amazing how that policy solves so many little problems.

[Boo]

anyone telling a 5 year old that they are fat & ugly needs a slap, so you did well to just give them a bollocking.

I don't care who they are or what country they come from, saying stuff like that to a child is out of order. I am tiger mother where my son is concerned & my husbands family know that the rules start & end with me when it comes to my boy. They all respect that, if they like it or not I don't know nor do I really care.

I show appropriate respect to them but also expect it back. It is not a one way street. Had the same happened in my family I would have done the same as op .

Parenting achieved.

[DILLIGAD]

Maybe an odd well timed word on their 'shell like' to remind them that just because they cannot see funds doesn't necessarily mean you have none.

It just might get them thinking about the relatives position (which is usually mortgaged up to the hilt). Use the gossip to your advantage, for once!

Edited June 30, 2013 by DILLIGAD

[I Like Thai]

Maybe it could have been done at a more appropriate moment and more calmly, but standing up for your daughter when she's being bullied is the right thing to do.

When the snide remarks were made was the appropriate time to take action.

[SlyAnimal]

You did the right thing. You can't put up with that stuff, enough is enough. Your daughter can't defend herself against them, as she's younger blah blah blah.

You did a good thing, if the other people think less of you because they know they can't bully you or push you around..... hell that's the perfect reaction!

A lot of people in the villages can be very rude, sometimes without realising it, and therefore it's important to ensure that they realise that their behaviour is inappropriate.

You should try to teach your children how important it is to stand up for their rights and for what they believe in too. As it's often part of the culture here to avoid conflicts, to not disagree with people if they are older etc. But if someone is disrespecting them, then they need to stand up for themselves and not be a doormat (As when they get older, you won't always be there to stand up for them).

[swissie]

Right on, there are limits to everything. But still, even (at this point) the wife is on the Farangs side, family "pressure" is ever-present. Not everybody is a Henry Kissinger, but I would try to "even-out" things with the rest of the family.

Once the family-attitude towards the Farang swings from "neutral" to "negative", it's hard to reverse and this can be reason for future grief for the Farang.

Cheers.

[Loptr]

I would say that you had a chance to nip this in the bud 10 years ago and the opportunity is now lost. You didn't establish your place in the pecking order and have been relegated to your present position. Face was lost a long time ago but your recent outburst has just crystalised it for everybody concerned.

How to remedy it? I haven't got a clue, but I doubt the situation will improve much with time.

Too bad there is no "dislike" button on this forum.

Edited June 30, 2013 by Loptr

[Commander Tamson]

I would say that you had a chance to nip this in the bud 10 years ago and the opportunity is now lost. You didn't establish your place in the pecking order and have been relegated to your present position. Face was lost a long time ago but your recent outburst has just crystalised it for everybody concerned.

How to remedy it? I haven't got a clue, but I doubt the situation will improve much with time.

Sorry to say this and I'm neither trolling or flaming, but the above post is BS IMHO!

Why should you have to sink to their level. Lost Face? These people don't have any 'Face' to begin with. They are simply jealous that it is you in fact who have all the face and an abundance of it. My extended family are a bunch of lazy good for nothing parasites who I initially helped but now tell to F-off on every occasion.

Good on you sport. They'll need you long B4 you need them.

[mikhill]

Been through this myself recently. Have been married to an Isaan girl for 25 years and have 2 children (she has another 3) but we are a close family which I like. The problem is from one sister and her husband who seem to think falangs should support them forever. Sometimes the other sisters side with her because another sister lives in the UK and is supposed to have loads of money. Now its a joke since my income increased at 65. I bought 2 Rai of land everyone wanted and have put money in my wifes bank. For 4 years we struggled to make ends meet without help from her family. Now it is easy to see the allegiances move.

Cheers Mike

[ozzy111]

You did the right thing. You can't put up with that stuff, enough is enough. Your daughter can't defend herself against them, as she's younger blah blah blah.

You did a good thing, if the other people think less of you because they know they can't bully you or push you around..... hell that's the perfect reaction!

A lot of people in the villages can be very rude, sometimes without realising it, and therefore it's important to ensure that they realise that their behaviour is inappropriate.

You should try to teach your children how important it is to stand up for their rights and for what they believe in too. As it's often part of the culture here to avoid conflicts, to not disagree with people if they are older etc. But if someone is disrespecting them, then they need to stand up for themselves and not be a doormat (As when they get older, you won't always be there to stand up for them).

Thank you for this post, I will add I do teach the kids along there lines and that my two elder boys are successful junior muay thai fighters trained by there grandfather and myself (we were both successful fighters in our own right in our own time), but I feel there success is also part of the problem directed toward our family, I feel it is more about jealously and my real loving commitment to my family that annoys them.

[ozzy111]

anyone telling a 5 year old that they are fat & ugly needs a slap, so you did well to just give them a bollocking.

I don't care who they are or what country they come from, saying stuff like that to a child is out of order. I am tiger mother where my son is concerned & my husbands family know that the rules start & end with me when it comes to my boy. They all respect that, if they like it or not I don't know nor do I really care.

I show appropriate respect to them but also expect it back. It is not a one way street. Had the same happened in my family I would have done the same as op .

Parenting achieved.

Thanks for the support and agreed!

[glassdude007]

I would say that you had a chance to nip this in the bud 10 years ago and the opportunity is now lost. You didn't establish your place in the pecking order and have been relegated to your present position. Face was lost a long time ago but your recent outburst has just crystalised it for everybody concerned.

How to remedy it? I haven't got a clue, but I doubt the situation will improve much with time.

It was never really that bad at first just niggling really (I couldn't speak Thai back then either to understand what was being) also the missus asked me not to say anything as she did'nt want to have any "problems" so what do you do.

As for remedying the situation I'm happy with the outcome.

Well done mate, especially sticking up for your daughter, good on ya .....

You as well as i know that if you really wanted to remedy(smooth over) the situation all ya need to do is invite them over your place for free food, booze and envelope with cash for grandma and you will be back in there good graces and your misses will be the talk of the town/villiage again....

[Salapoo]

Perhaps move away from Peasantville.

[alexander69]

As we stay here longer we get wiser, my wife says i know too much, i say i have only learnt a small part of what there is to learn here. Be strong and stand up for what you believe,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

[StevenHeidbriderSr]

Good JOB! Let em know that the Jealousy they have toward your family is their problem and they need to it leave outside of your home and Family.

We have the same problem in our family to the extent that if a Sister-in-Law should come by to help out the wife when she isn't well is all of a sudden a supposed employee getting thousands of baht a month for helping out. It never ends. I have come to the point that I make sure if I need something done that I cant do myself I hire someone OUTSIDE the family.

[farangme]

OP did the right thing. They will get over it. If not, screw'em. They should now know what line shouldn't be crossed in the future.

Had a blowout with the extended family myself. My generosity had reached its end. They all packed up and left, which is exactly what I wanted. F'em. My home, my space, my life. If they can't be responsible and respectful, they're not welcome around me. Told the wife she can go visit them in their village from now on. As far as I'm concerned, cultural understanding is a two way street.

Sent from my PC36100 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[ozzy111]

Perhaps move away from Peasantville.

We live in Khao Yai hardly peasantville

Perhaps move away from Peasantville.

[meatboy]

never experianced any shit from the wf's family,they all know where they stand with the wf,they get f-all 2weeks before the rest.

only the wfs.sisters bloke thought he could do what he liked when coming to our house,

going into my fridge at the bar taking what he liked also giving drinks to anybody with him i soon stopped that and told him you ask me first,i dont do it in your house so you dont do it in mine.he sulked like a baby having his dummy taken away.

now he visits maybe once a month.

this also applies to anybody that thinks i am a free ride,once bitten,twice shy.

ozzy your welcome anytime.

[somtampet]

Perhaps move away from Peasantville.

Are u calling his wife and kids peasants,which is far worse than saying the daughter is fat

[bdw]

"gave them a brake down"

Maybe you should hold onto the piece of mind you've got before putting on the brakes.