Trapped, And Feeling Enslaved.....

[theblether]

Mercedes Girl was telling me the other day that she could list twenty Thai women she knows in the UK that detest being there, but they feel trapped as the level of expectation against them by their Thai families is astronomical.

In some cases they are in loveless marriages, some abusive marriages, but she says that contrary to opinion the majority of women go to the UK hoping for a successful marriage and when it breaks down it can be a calamity, as they end up isolated and unable to go home as their money is needed, in some cases demanded by their Thai family.

She went on to say that there were some seriously bad women knocking about too, she finds it laughable that guys couldn't suss out that marrying a prostitute was a high risk strategy.

However she's more concerned about the women who are isolated and slaves to their families. She tells a little story that says a lot about a woman she knows that has never been taken out for a meal by her husband in the ten years that's she's lived in the UK, and has never been allowed to fly back to Thailand for a visit. She can't leave him as the guy is very cleverly making sure that the Thai family get paid every month, she feels enslaved.

It seems to be the case that there are a lot of stories untold about Thai women being casually abused and callously treated by their partners overseas. maybe we hear more of them to bring some balance to the never ending river of miserable stories we hear here.

Fault on both sides.

[stoneyboy]

I know a lot of western guys who are in a similar situation here,so it seems it works both ways.

[Morakot]

The ugly reality of migration for those where it didn't work out.

Where the summer is fine, but the winter's a fridge

Wrapped up in old cardboard under Charing Cross Bridge

And they'll never go home now because of the shame

Of misfit's reflection in a shop window pane.

Edited July 15, 2013 by Morakot

[villagefarang]

I have encountered very few relationships which appeared evenly matched. Inevitably I find myself feeling sorry for one side or the other. Cross-cultural relationships can be wonderful under the right circumstances but they can also be an absolute nightmare when the wrong people find each other.

[theblether]

And I'll never go home now because of the shame

Of misfit's reflection in a shop window pane.

Excellent Morakot, excellent.

Obviously that applies to both sides. I bet there are plenty of people here pretending to their families back home that they are living the dream, but in reality dying inside. They'd be better off folding, going home and telling the truth.

How many times have we all been amazed at what family members and friends have secretly endured? far too many.

.

Edited July 15, 2013 by theblether

[cpofc]

My wife, in Australia, has helped a number of such Thai girls over the years.

Apart from the willing help and advice received from Thai friends and the Thai Community, fortunately, Australia's rather generous support services and welfare system takes up a lot of the slack for them.

I recall one particular case, in the late 80's, where the girl was truly enslaved. In the days before the government and immigration tightened up the rules and when the Thais truly believed that to be white was to be rich, with no exceptions, a bloke who was just a blue collar, minimum wage, factory worker who lived in a van at a Caravan Park (Trailer/Trailer Park) would lock her in the van every day when he went to work. He would stop at the pub every night before returning 'home', drunk, and virtually rape her.

She eventually got away.

During the days of the Filippina Mail Order Bride era this sort of behaviour was rife. Returning them, dumping them, and trading them in for a later model, or even to the extent of murdering them, then going back and getting another.

Some years back, if I remember correctly, the Australian Government even brought in a '3 Strike Rule'. A Maximum of 2 Asian Brides, Per Man, Per Lifetime.

[theblether]

@cpofc, I know a guy that lamented the fact that he was abandoned by his Thai wife within a few weeks of her moving to Australia, as that meant he had only one more go at getting an Asian bride and he would need to wait five years before getting his second one.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

She went on to say that there were some seriously bad women knocking about too, she finds it laughable that guys couldn't suss out that marrying a prostitute was a high risk strategy.

Most foreigners in Thailand (including you, methinks) has very little idea who is and who isn't (or wasn't) a prostitute.

(Not that it makes a great difference in the failure or success of a marriage IMHO)

[theblether]

She went on to say that there were some seriously bad women knocking about too, she finds it laughable that guys couldn't suss out that marrying a prostitute was a high risk strategy.

Most foreigners in Thailand (including you, methinks) has very little idea who is and who isn't (or wasn't) a prostitute.

(Not that it makes a great difference in the failure or success of a marriage IMHO)

You don't know me so keep you're idle speculation to yourself. So rather than playing the man ( as usual for you, statement of fact, see what I did there? ) why don't you bless us with your wisdom and outline exactly what in your opinion what constitutes a prostitute in Thailand.

[jocko]

When my Mother was in a home there was a divorced Thai lady worked in there as a care worker who stopped going back to her home because of the expectation of her family she would go back to Thailand but not to her homestead.

Sad

[Kudel]

She went on to say that there were some seriously bad women knocking about too, she finds it laughable that guys couldn't suss out that marrying a prostitute was a high risk strategy.

Most foreigners in Thailand (including you, methinks) has very little idea who is and who isn't (or wasn't) a prostitute.

(Not that it makes a great difference in the failure or success of a marriage IMHO)

Since a few years thai massage parlors have been popping up like mushrooms in my country,every few weeks or months police would raid such parlors and find girls "enslaved" by said parlor owners,but mostly Thai woman where or are involved in these human trafficking rings because they have the contacts in the old country.

Some women are married to guys from my country and are doing this out of free will.

So it's not only farang "enslaving" these girls but Thais apparently have no problem doing this to there own kind.

Edited July 15, 2013 by Kudel

[AnotherOneAmerican]

why don't you bless us with your wisdom and outline exactly what in your opinion what constitutes a prostitute in Thailand.

A person who provides sexual services in return for money or other financial considerations.

(You might wish to add, with a person whom they wouldn't normally consider as a sexual partner)

Do you disagree?

This is the definition of a prostitute anywhere in the world, I don't see why you would think the definition would be different in Thailand.

Edited July 15, 2013 by AnotherOneAmerican

[theblether]

why don't you bless us with your wisdom and outline exactly what in your opinion what constitutes a prostitute in Thailand.

A person who provides sexual services in return for money or other financial considerations.

(You might wish to add, with a person whom they wouldn't normally consider as a sexual partner)

Do you disagree?

This is the definition of a prostitute anywhere in the world, I don't see why you would think the definition would be different in Thailand.

Go back and look at your first post, have a wee think to yourself about what you wrote. See if you can spot any flaws in it........

This time explain to me like I'm a five year old how you have perfected the system for spotting said people, and while your at it, go get a statistical back up for your contention that it makes no difference to the divorce rate if you marry a prostitute or not.

Prove it.

[JLCrab]

I would add that a defining trait of a prostitute might be: After having sex with you, there is only one thing on her mind -- her next customer.

Edited July 15, 2013 by JLCrab

[welsh1]

The ugly reality of migration for those where it didn't work out.

Where the summer is fine, but the winter's a fridge

Wrapped up in old cardboard under Charing Cross Bridge

And they'll never go home now because of the shame

Of misfit's reflection in a shop window pane.

Got this as my ringtone,,, nice song

Edited July 15, 2013 by welsh1

[chonabot]

This has been happening for 20-30 years already and was fairly common in my home town in Oxfordshire.

A pretty small local population and at least 25 Thai/Uk marriages existed there.

You could usually tell which marriages were on the level by the age difference.

But, perhaps surprisingly, only 3 of those marriages were dodgy.

Of course, I have been away from there for about 2 years and maybe the balance has shifted.

I got into a spot of bother about 5 years ago when a youth asked my wife, in a local restaurant, for a blow job.

My reaction resulted in me being banned from that establishment

The amount of stick my son got from his school 'mates' about being the product of such a relationship was one of the reasons we left.

Now we live in the highlands of Scotland and he has been treated very well by comparison.

This is probably taking the thread OT - sorry OP

[AnotherOneAmerican]

This time explain to me like I'm a five year old how you have perfected the system for spotting said people, and while your at it, go get a statistical back up for your contention that it makes no difference to the divorce rate if you marry a prostitute or not.

Prove it.

I don't believe it would be appropriate to talk about prostitution with a five year old.

[theblether]

After being paid of course, anyway fair comment Mr Crab........the topic is feeling trapped and enslaved, AOA seems more interested in the singular line that refers to prostitutes. He'll be along soon with a United Nations study as to the effects of prostitution on Thai/Farang marriages.

I'm looking forward to it.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

I would add that a defining trait of a prostitute might be: After having sex with you, there is only one thing on her mind -- her next customer.

I believe it is possible for a prostitute to only have one customer.

[theblether]

I would add that a defining trait of a prostitute might be: After having sex with you, there is only one thing on her mind -- her next customer.

I believe it is possible for a prostitute to only have one customer.

We note your exceptional knowledge of Thai prostitutes.

[welsh1]

I would add that a defining trait of a prostitute might be: After having sex with you, there is only one thing on her mind -- her next customer.

I believe it is possible for a prostitute to only have one customer.

[JLCrab]

I would add that a defining trait of a prostitute might be: After having sex with you, there is only one thing on her mind -- her next customer.

I believe it is possible for a prostitute to only have one customer.

At a time, maybe.

From the screenplay for the movie Klute -- Jane Fonda won an Academy Award as best actress playing the call girl in question:

Detective #1 But she hadn't seen him since and couldn't identify his photograph and she --

Detective #2 Why not?

#1 Oh a good call girl, she'll turn six-seven hundred tricks a year. The faces get blurred.

Edited July 15, 2013 by JLCrab

[cpofc]

@cpofc, I know a guy that lamented the fact that he was abandoned by his Thai wife within a few weeks of her moving to Australia, as that meant he had only one more go at getting an Asian bride and he would need to wait five years before getting his second one.

This is a good story. All true, I wish I could go into greater detail but it would be far too long.

I'll be careful not to use names because the bloke is probably still alive and even a member of these forums if the truth is known. I am sure some older Expats here would even have met him at some stage.

Arriving in outer suburban Melbourne in 1985, the first Expat Thai my wife met was a girl who once worked at the infamous (upstairs) Kangaroo Bar in Patpong and was now married to a farang. From the outset him and I were never going to get on. He was an outrageous liar, big noter and thorough sleaze bag who had really been nowhere and done nothing. His Thai Wife should have been on the stage. What an actor. Although 'dingo dumb', she could charm the leg of an iron table. They were, for quite a few years a good 'team'. Apart from the fact that he was playing up all the time he was with her. Including her niece, from Isaan, who they brought down to work their restaurant.

It was about 8 years later, in Oz. when they opened a Thai Restaurant together. She often wrote herself up as being a former head Chef at Dusit Thani Hotel etc. It was pretty sickening to be honest. He ran everything. She was pretty clueless. No brains and happy without them. He held the purse strings pretty tight. Strangely, she was the one who was devoted to him. Couldn't say a wrong word about him.

After about 5 years of owning and running the Restaurant they sold out for a tidy profit and returned to the LOS for a holiday. They returned to her village in Isaan, where he bought an Air Con Unit for the folks and a few other things. Then one day he told her he had to go to Bangkok to meet up with some friends etc., etc.

She never saw him again! He took the money, did a runner and disappeared! He cleaned her out and left her destitute. Although we all know he stayed in Thailand and was passing himself off as an English 'Tutor' claiming a fake Masters Degree and the usual bull.

After unsuccessful attempts to find him, she returned to Australia. We actually put her up at our place for a while. She was shattered!

However, like the Indian Rubber Man she bounced back with a vengeance. Not to be outdone, she went on to bigger and better things, she got a job at a company belonging to a friend of mine. within a year, she had destroyed the long term and once harmonious business partnership, and successfully laid charges and sued one of the owners for Sexual Assault and Harassment. All untrue. Whilst at the same time cruising the Poker Machine Venues in the Local Hotels.

When I was back in Oz around 2005 I got a call from the local police wanting to know if this particular girl ever worked for us in our Restaurant. I told the female sergeant that NO WAY would this person ever work for me. She had been falsely putting it on her resume and work history that she worked for me. Why are you asking? This lead to a conversation regarding her 'character' Turns out she had just recently laid charges against another bloke for Sexual Harassment and Assault. She might have been dumb, but she was rat cunning. By this time she was 'known to police' who had suspected her 2nd shot at the title was highly suspect, and why they rang me.

Don't know what ever became of her - or the husband. If he is still alive he would be kicking around the LOS somewhere. Up Nth I would expect.

yeah, it sure does work both ways! Indeed!

[I Like Thai]

She tells a little story that says a lot about a woman she knows that has never been taken out for a meal by her husband in the ten years that's she's lived in the UK, and has never been allowed to fly back to Thailand for a visit. She can't leave him as the guy is very cleverly making sure that the Thai family get paid every month, she feels enslaved.

So, now it's the Farangs that are sending money back to the Thai family in Thailand and not the Thai wives ?

Maybe if HE stopped sending so much money, they may be able to afford a night out occasionally or a holiday even.

[theblether]

She tells a little story that says a lot about a woman she knows that has never been taken out for a meal by her husband in the ten years that's she's lived in the UK, and has never been allowed to fly back to Thailand for a visit. She can't leave him as the guy is very cleverly making sure that the Thai family get paid every month, she feels enslaved.

So, now it's the Farangs that are sending money back to the Thai family in Thailand and not the Thai wives ?

Maybe if HE stopped sending so much money, they may be able to afford a night out occasionally or a holiday even.

Could be that, or could be that he's a control freak who's delighted to have his own live in slave. Who knows? The only three statements of fact are that he has never taken her out for a meal, has not allowed her to go on holiday to Thailand, and he sends the money.

Maybe he's wise enough to know that as soon as the money supply is switched off she'll run for the hills. Who knows, except him.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

The only three statements of fact are that he has never taken her out for a meal, has not allowed her to go on holiday to Thailand, and he sends the money.

Not sure anything negative in the statements.

Never taken her out for a meal ....... I know many Thai girls that refuse point blank to eat foreign food.

Not allowed her to go home ...... hasn't given her the money? maybe he doesn't have that much (sent too much to family).

Sends money to her family ........ surely that's a good thing.

[I Like Thai]

She tells a little story that says a lot about a woman she knows that has never been taken out for a meal by her husband in the ten years that's she's lived in the UK, and has never been allowed to fly back to Thailand for a visit. She can't leave him as the guy is very cleverly making sure that the Thai family get paid every month, she feels enslaved.

So, now it's the Farangs that are sending money back to the Thai family in Thailand and not the Thai wives ?

Maybe if HE stopped sending so much money, they may be able to afford a night out occasionally or a holiday even.

Could be that, or could be that he's a control freak who's delighted to have his own live in slave. Who knows? The only three statements of fact are that he has never taken her out for a meal, has not allowed her to go on holiday to Thailand, and he sends the money.

Maybe he's wise enough to know that as soon as the money supply is switched off she'll run for the hills. Who knows, except him.

It's not three statements of fact. It is her version of events.

[JLCrab]

Well after having read most of this, doing a few back-searches, and even putting in a few comments, my question is: Who the h-ll is Mercedes Girl and why should anything she says be given even the least amount of credibility?

Edited July 15, 2013 by JLCrab

[David48]

theblether even though you and I disagree on some things Thailand related, on this matter you have nailed it ...

When you write ... "level of expectation against them by their Thai families is astronomical" ... some people have no real idea ... the pressure is enormous.

.

[robblok]

theblether even though you and I disagree on some things Thailand related, on this matter you have nailed it ...

When you write ... "level of expectation against them by their Thai families is astronomical" ... some people have no real idea ... the pressure is enormous.

.

That is why you have to be firm at first once you give in your lost. I have seen it happen many times to Thai girls int he West and now that I am in Thailand i see it again. There is a lot of pressure to gain face.

Often it is the only reason for a girl to go into a relation to help her family so then the pressure is even more.

I luckily never succumbed to the pressure so the demands stopped and now we are all getting along. If you start giving in it goes wrong, now i can give something without pressure and the need for it to go on.

The pressure to give to the family can destroy relations especially if the guy who brought the girl back is already struggling financially. Its not easy to pay for 2 especially when the Thai girl can't really contribute back home (usually lousy jobs ect)