Trapped, And Feeling Enslaved.....

[theblether]

I'm a wee bit offended that some of you think that Mercedes Girl is not a real person.

Sniff.

Why is she called Mercedes Girl? Why not just 'my friend' or similar! Unless she's got an account here I guess.

Donno, it wasn't me that named her, other members here know her too.

How come I get the blame for everything?.

[David48]

How come I get the blame for everything?.

It's the nature of the Beast.

You are a man after all ... tis our lot in life ... we rise above it.

.

[ava15]

You have my sympathies theblether

[theblether]

You have my sympathies theblether

That's fine I'm feeling better now

That was a good quote David, rise above.......I detest hearing stories such as the guy in the shed, he needs to find the strength to rise above.

[chonabot]

I'm a wee bit offended that some of you think that Mercedes Girl is not a real person.

Sniff.

Why is she called Mercedes Girl? Why not just 'my friend' or similar! Unless she's got an account here I guess.

Donno, it wasn't me that named her, other members here know her too.

How come I get the blame for everything?.

Nae bother, you had a point to make and made it well.

The problem with boards like Thai Visa is that there is always someone with nothing better to do than stick an oar in.

It often ends up in a royal thread <deleted> (as we have here) and their work here is done.

[rgs2001uk]

You have my sympathies theblether

That's fine I'm feeling better now

That was a good quote David, rise above.......I detest hearing stories such as the guy in the shed, he needs to find the strength to rise above.

he needs to find the strength to rise above.

Even if he finds the strength, where do you suggest he goes?

Many of these guys burned their bridges and invested their lot over here, many have no home or family to go back to.

I all also know of a guy who built a beautiful home here, the girl had moved her family in before the guy got here, by the time he did it was too late, he ended up living in the equivalent of a garden shed, truth be told it was more like a kennel.

Another guy is expected to provide his wifes worthless son an allowance of 30k per month, thats on top of the allowance he gives the wife, last time I spoke to the guy he was being pressurised into buying this lazy prick a new CRV.

Yet another who lives upcountry had his dreams of retirement shattered when he found out he was now to be a babysitter, his stepdaughter was off to work in Bkk and dumped the kids at his house for him and his wife to look after.

Too be honest most of these guys get what they deserve, they take on women no Thai man would consider worthy of marriage. Most of the guys we read about dont have the mental strength or fortitude to rise above it, they were losers in farangland and a poor choice of partner has made them losers here.

[chiang mai]

Sad but very true.

[theblether]

You have my sympathies theblether

That's fine I'm feeling better now

That was a good quote David, rise above.......I detest hearing stories such as the guy in the shed, he needs to find the strength to rise above.

he needs to find the strength to rise above.

Even if he finds the strength, where do you suggest he goes?

Many of these guys burned their bridges and invested their lot over here, many have no home or family to go back to.

I all also know of a guy who built a beautiful home here, the girl had moved her family in before the guy got here, by the time he did it was too late, he ended up living in the equivalent of a garden shed, truth be told it was more like a kennel.

Another guy is expected to provide his wifes worthless son an allowance of 30k per month, thats on top of the allowance he gives the wife, last time I spoke to the guy he was being pressurised into buying this lazy prick a new CRV.

Yet another who lives upcountry had his dreams of retirement shattered when he found out he was now to be a babysitter, his stepdaughter was off to work in Bkk and dumped the kids at his house for him and his wife to look after.

Too be honest most of these guys get what they deserve, they take on women no Thai man would consider worthy of marriage. Most of the guys we read about dont have the mental strength or fortitude to rise above it, they were losers in farangland and a poor choice of partner has made them losers here.

The step daughter left the kids with Yai? That's not unknown is it?

In the case of all you have mentioned the strength they need is to walk away. You don't compound a mistake by living in misery / in a kennel.

These are the guys I'm talking about who would be better off fessing up to the truth with their families, and either just going home, or renting somewhere in Patts, whatever and living off their pension.

Sometimes rising above is accepting you are at your lowest ebb and taking steps to get back up again.

[villagefarang]

Why are people in this thread so against taking their wives to wherever it is they call(ed) home, even for a visit?

Just interested.

Not all of us are against travel with our wives. We love traveling and spent one seven year stretch dividing our time between Thailand and my home country. That was a great time.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

Too be honest most of these guys get what they deserve, they take on women no Thai man would consider worthy of marriage. Most of the guys we read about dont have the mental strength or fortitude to rise above it, they were losers in farangland and a poor choice of partner has made them losers here.

I don't agree.

Nobody deserves to be treated badly, it's just many men in the west were brought up to give in to women.

Very few men are prepared to do what they alone want, and to hell with everyone else.

'Losers' is really the wrong word to use, maybe 'submissive' would be better.

Edited July 15, 2013 by AnotherOneAmerican

[rgs2001uk]

You have my sympathies theblether

That's fine I'm feeling better now

That was a good quote David, rise above.......I detest hearing stories such as the guy in the shed, he needs to find the strength to rise above.

he needs to find the strength to rise above.

Even if he finds the strength, where do you suggest he goes?

Many of these guys burned their bridges and invested their lot over here, many have no home or family to go back to.

I all also know of a guy who built a beautiful home here, the girl had moved her family in before the guy got here, by the time he did it was too late, he ended up living in the equivalent of a garden shed, truth be told it was more like a kennel.

Another guy is expected to provide his wifes worthless son an allowance of 30k per month, thats on top of the allowance he gives the wife, last time I spoke to the guy he was being pressurised into buying this lazy prick a new CRV.

Yet another who lives upcountry had his dreams of retirement shattered when he found out he was now to be a babysitter, his stepdaughter was off to work in Bkk and dumped the kids at his house for him and his wife to look after.

Too be honest most of these guys get what they deserve, they take on women no Thai man would consider worthy of marriage. Most of the guys we read about dont have the mental strength or fortitude to rise above it, they were losers in farangland and a poor choice of partner has made them losers here.

The step daughter left the kids with Yai? That's not unknown is it?

In the case of all you have mentioned the strength they need is to walk away. You don't compound a mistake by living in misery / in a kennel.

These are the guys I'm talking about who would be better off fessing up to the truth with their families, and either just going home, or renting somewhere in Patts, whatever and living off their pension.

Sometimes rising above is accepting you are at your lowest ebb and taking steps to get back up again.

The step daughter left the kids with Yai? That's not unknown is it?

I would at the very least have expected it to have been discussed first, not a fait accompli

In the case of all you have mentioned the strength they need is to walk away.

Thats just the problem, these guys dont have it to begin with.

These are the guys I'm talking about who would be better off fessing up to the truth with their families

In some cases, the families just dont care.

and either just going home

Some of these guys have no home to go back to

[Theoutsider]

Off the top of my head I would imagine that better than 90% of Thai/farang marriages fail within three years where the Thai partner is required to live in the UK, the odds against it being sucessfull must be woefully poor - climate, distance from Thai family, diet, racial attitudes, the biggest reason perhaps is the fact that the two parties to the marriage will probably not have known each other for very long, outside of a few months initial holiday in Thailand, it's a recipie for failure from the outset for the desparate.

Where do you think the Thai partner of that failed relationship then lives?

Remains in the UK ... or returns to Thailand?

Is it the spouse or the country of settlement that divides them?

.

I reckon the country of settlement, in the case of the UK, is the biggest most obvious obstacle, not really knowing your partner outside of a brief holiday environement is obviously a variable that is high risk.

As for where the Thai partner stays after the split: my guess would be that the vast majority head back to Thailand, it's the in-country equivelent of going back to the village. I'm sure that a small percentage find other things to do but ultimately a return to basics is on the cards.

As an aside: like many other expats here I have toyed with the idea of taking my Thai wife back to the UK and indeed we have been for holidays, we were even granted a settlement visa three years ago that we never executed, I just couldn't do it to the woman, it would be criminally unfair and she's far too nice of a person to have to suffer that sort of treatment. BTW, we've been together for nine years.

Horse for courses, I've been married over 16 years and my wife definitely prefers it here to Thailand.

We've just returned from 2 years in Kalasin and now live in Fort William, Scotland. Perhaps the way Thai people

are treated by their spouse is more important than they way their host/guest country treats them?

Same here 8 years here in the UK all good.

Both countries have their good and bad points but the most important thing for us is that we are together. It doesn't matter what county we reside in.

More chances for us make money in the UK though.

[Bangkokhatter]

Off the top of my head I would imagine that better than 90% of Thai/farang marriages fail within three years where the Thai partner is required to live in the UK, the odds against it being sucessfull must be woefully poor - climate, distance from Thai family, diet, racial attitudes, the biggest reason perhaps is the fact that the two parties to the marriage will probably not have known each other for very long, outside of a few months initial holiday in Thailand, it's a recipie for failure from the outset for the desparate.

Off the top of my head I KNOW not imagine, 3 couples happily married back in the UK, all for longer than 5 years, all have kids and the wives are quite happy coming back to Thailand just for holidays...just the other side of the coin.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

Many of us older men posting on TV had relationships lasting 20+ years with women in the west, that were 'all good'.

We all had kids, our women were all happy ...... until they weren't happy.

Then it was fleecing time, and we were the sheep.

You've made it 5 or 10 years and feel safe ........ dream on, same risk as the day you married.

Edited July 15, 2013 by AnotherOneAmerican

[Bangkokhatter]

Many of us older men posting on TV had relationships lasting 20+ years with women in the west, that were 'all good'.

We all had kids, our women were all happy ...... until they weren't happy.

Then it was fleecing time, and we were the sheep.

You've made it 5 or 10 years and feel safe ........ dream on, same risk as the day you married.

Am not married Tommo, and was referring to friends back in the UK married to Thai ladies.

[Chittychangchang]

Many of us older men posting on TV had relationships lasting 20+ years with women in the west, that were 'all good'.

We all had kids, our women were all happy ...... until they weren't happy.

Then it was fleecing time, and we were the sheep.

You've made it 5 or 10 years and feel safe ........ dream on, same risk as the day you married.

Am not married Tommo, and was referring to friends back in the UK married to Thai ladies.

I don't know where all this doom and gloom comes from on here.

I personally know of dozens of successful Thai/English relationships in a 5 mile radius of our home in the U.K.

The disasters on here seem to be have large age gaps and have met there partner in Pattaya bars or are single with commitment issues or just plain old mongers.

Learn the language, respect the culture, Treat people how you would wish to be treated and be strong for your family and relationship.

CCC

[David48]

Off the top of my head I would imagine that better than 90% of Thai/farang marriages fail within three years where the Thai partner is required to live in the UK, the odds against it being sucessfull must be woefully poor - climate, distance from Thai family, diet, racial attitudes, the biggest reason perhaps is the fact that the two parties to the marriage will probably not have known each other for very long, outside of a few months initial holiday in Thailand, it's a recipie for failure from the outset for the desparate.

Off the top of my head I KNOW not imagine, 3 couples happily married back in the UK, all for longer than 5 years, all have kids and the wives are quite happy coming back to Thailand just for holidays...just the other side of the coin.

Thanks for the 'other side of the coin' ... good news is not news.

Like many things discussed here, the negative is more promotive because it's worth discussing more.

By reading others mistakes, I have thankfully been able to avoid many of them.

Now I'm busying my self make my very own set of mistakes ...

theblether is spot on with his OP.

We just have to be smart to choose the right partner in the first place.

Some folk, I assume, choose the right partner for moment and then mistakenly assume that 'the moment' will last for ever.

Far better to enjoy 'your moment', move on and find a suitable partner who will last the distance.

.

[Bcgardener]

IMHO country of residence has an impact on the relationship for the first few years. I am led to believe that in Australia the break up of marriages with Thai girls is about the same as marriages between Australians, that is about 50%. I have a number of friends who have been married to Thai girls for over 20 years. As an Aussie who lived in the UK for 2 years, I can understand how a Thai girl would get depressed there as the climate is so different as is the food. It certainly depressed me. Somewhere like Sydney is much easier to adapt to, large Asian population, familiar food and a warm climate.

However the most important aspect is give and take plus understanding in the relationship. My Thai (now Oz citizen) wife and I have been married for 17 years. 12 years in Australia and since moving our factory here, the last 5 years in Thailand. We have had our disagreements but you work through them and get on with life. I think , if you are willing to work at a relationship, most problems can be overcome.

Sent from my GT-P5100 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[scorecard]

She went on to say that there were some seriously bad women knocking about too, she finds it laughable that guys couldn't suss out that marrying a prostitute was a high risk strategy.

Most foreigners in Thailand (including you, methinks) has very little idea who is and who isn't (or wasn't) a prostitute.

(Not that it makes a great difference in the failure or success of a marriage IMHO)

"She went on to say that there were some seriously bad women knocking about too..."

There's also plenty of seriously bad farang men in Thailand, some of them giving their Thai wife and children a life of absolute hell, violence, rape, emotional violence, etc.

[manly100]

never take a thai girl out of thailand.

[Theoutsider]

never take a thai girl out of thailand.

And other cliches:)

[Lancelot]

In some cases they are in loveless marriages, some abusive marriages, but she says that contrary to opinion the majority of women go to the UK hoping for a successful marriage and when it breaks down it can be a calamity, as they end up isolated and unable to go home as their money is needed, in some cases demanded by their Thai family.

Voluntarily supporting one's family is one thing, being coerced into it is another. Come on, the unemployment rate in Thailand is around 1 to 2%, so let the lazy family members take some responsibility and support them selves. Family is supposed to be about mutual support- not one way explotation.

[theblether]

In some cases they are in loveless marriages, some abusive marriages, but she says that contrary to opinion the majority of women go to the UK hoping for a successful marriage and when it breaks down it can be a calamity, as they end up isolated and unable to go home as their money is needed, in some cases demanded by their Thai family.

Voluntarily supporting one's family is one thing, being coerced into it is another. Come on, the unemployment rate in Thailand is around 1 to 2%, so let the lazy family members take some responsibility and support them selves. Family is supposed to be about mutual support- not one way explotation.

You nailed it Lancelot, some Thai families seem to think their relatives in the West are the Golden Goose.