Thai partners fitting in overseas

[farang000999]

Australia is relatively close to Thailand so it is going to be a hell of a lot easier living there than the USA or parts of Europe. I also think the weather is not too bad, generally high quality of living, safe, clean, boring, plenty of Asians.

Ummm ...

Brisbane/Sydney/Melbourne to Bangkok is between 9 - 10 hours

Bangkok - London is 11 and a bit hours ... ... ... Australia closer? ...

Unless, of course you meant Darwin ... ... only crocs live up there.

'plenty of Asian' ... ... hang on honey, do you speak Chinese, Japanese ... etc ... no ... oh ... least there are plenty of Asians.

Didn't really think that post through ... did we?

Sorry, I thought it was more like 7-8 hours. My mistake. But if you are flying to Europe, unless you are paying for a direct flight you are probably going to be taking multiple flights which is a bitch. Delays. Waiting in Airports. You will also be on different time zones. Wait, you don't see the advantage to living in a place with a lot of Asians for your Thai wife? Groceries. Restaurants. Clothing shops?

A flight to the USA is often 20-23 hours in travel time depending on where you are going. Just clearing HOMELAND SECURITY ANTI-TERRORISM TASK FORCE could take hours.

[krisb]

When you say take, do you mean to live? Mine lives in Australia and its not that she dislikes it, but like me would rather live in Thailand.

 

my wife would move to Australia tomorrow if I said OK.   why? because she is sick of Thailand . she has been there before and will be going again in September for a month  she just loves the place ..

Same mate. Mine loved it on holidays but finds it not quite the same after the novelty wore off. She has a good job here, busy with baby, all the Thai food is easy to get but misses Thailand still. Just means lots of holidays home!

[soi sniffer]

Thankfully my wife is a loner and hates gambling and hates gossip even more. Only interested in leaving the house on family outings with me and the kids. My ex had to surround herself with a virtual army of woman and talk rubbish,often fighting with each others for imagined reasons and lies. Husband was a distant second of little importance.current wife and ex are like chalk and cheese.

[The Deerhunter]

Adapting to a new country or culture is an individual response and depends on age, education, background & personality. Bear in mind that in some countries many (most) of the local Thai female imports are from bars etc and the gossip & jealousies are an ongoing problem if that is her sole Thai group. It is certainly very true in my country. My wife said several years ago "She didn't need any more Thai friends." Having sad that, she has a nice circle around her who are going to miss each other as we are returning to live in LOS in a few months. A Thai woman with functional English (or your home language) an office or tertiary-ed background and an outgoing personality will probably fit in anywhere.

By contrast, a small-holding rice farmer's daughter "who left school at 13" will probably struggle unless she has a diplomat personality.

[The Deerhunter]

PS. The Thai Queen Bee syndrome is very real and very dangerous. We have had two very messy bust-up's over that one. My wife did not want to conform to the drinking-gambling-gossiping-spare boyfriends pattern on offer.

[Chittychangchang]

Patience and support is the key.

A good network of non-thai friends helps enormously.

Like others have already posted just because a person is of the same nationality does not mean they will be friends, believe me when i say we have met some destructive types in the U.K.

Ten years on it's been a roller coaster and we are still going strong with three wonderful children and lots of friends.

The wife has a job she enjoys and if i'm honest she gets more respect and acknowledgement for her work than she ever got in Thailand.

Also being in business she has many middle class friends such as teachers and doctors that have enriched my life and business also.

If a foreigner comes to a country with a positive attitude and not under a whim then it's all good.

The major factor against was the weather, my wife suffers from SAD(seasonal affective disorder) which means she hates the cold,ice and rain.

We have no plans to return to LOS in the near future, but will eventually spend the winter months of our retirement there.

CCC

[benalibina]

To make the queen bee of less importance 1, the man, needs to be consistent and knowledgable about many matters going on in their country. On that way the queen bee will become of less significance. The number of times i have heard silly interpretations about my countries laws and customs by my girlfriend then, via queen bee, were uncountable. In the land of the blind 1eye is king ( sorry, queen ! ).

[Bcgardener]

When you say take, do you mean to live? Mine lives in Australia and its not that she dislikes it, but like me would rather live in Thailand.

 

my wife would move to Australia tomorrow if I said OK.   why? because she is sick of Thailand . she has been there before and will be going again in September for a month  she just loves the place ..

My wife (Thai) and I had lived in Australia for 12 years before moving to Thailand. She would move back there without hesitation if I said go. But business committments keep us here. She has become too westernised to put up with the saving face above all BS that appears to run this country.

Sent from my GT-P5100 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[simple1]

To make the queen bee of less importance 1, the man, needs to be consistent and knowledgable about many matters going on in their country. On that way the queen bee will become of less significance. The number of times i have heard silly interpretations about my countries laws and customs by my girlfriend then, via queen bee, were uncountable. In the land of the blind 1eye is king ( sorry, queen ! ).

Yep, another favourite activity is to coach concerning welfare and credit fraud.

[wamberal]

When you say take, do you mean to live? Mine lives in Australia and its not that she dislikes it, but like me would rather live in Thailand.

Agreed..because every time we go back to Australia I miss Thailand too. Yep we live between Thailand and Australia

Yep, that is the biggest single problem about having been, or still being, an expatriate. It's human nature (not the Trink variety) to forget the bad things and overemphasise the good of the place where you are not at the moment, but could be. Then, when you do go to the other place, the reverse applies.

The risk is that one ends up not feeling at home, wherever one lives. I suffer from that a bit.

[robblok]

Have you asked her why her preference is to stay in Thailand? There could be many reasons. You have named a few of them.

Most Australians, or other nationalities, would probably prefer to live in their home countries, near family, friends, familiar places, etc, speaking their native language, and so on.

My wife, who is also Thai, is the opposite, she is happy to visit Thailand, but is adamant that she never wants to live there again, even though she has several very good friends, and two younger sisters to whom she is close. She detests the corruption in public life, that's the main thing. I think she also believes that I will be healthier and live longer in a western country. She is probably right, I think.

Finally, Thai people are very careful about making new Thai friends. My wife is very picky in who she chooses to maintain friendships with - although she has no problem making friendships with people of other nationalities. There is something in the Thai attitude towards other Thais that is complex and hard for us to understand. That might be a potential factor for your wife, she has her circle of relatives and friends, and cannot be bothered meeting new Thais in other countries.

If you are significantly older than her, it is also likely that she would prefer to be widowed in her home country than in a foreign land. Depends on how good she is at looking after herself, paying bills, dealing with government rules and regulations, etc.\

Hope this helps.

To add to the above post, Thai women abroad tend to congregate in groups, usually with a “queen bee” & can be vicious gossips that can cause a great deal of unhappiness.

When I was away on business, when my wife & I were living overseas, I ended up with huge phone bills (prior to Skype) as she would chat with her family for hours.

My wife & I now live in Thailand (retired), but she has told me on a number of occasions that she would like to return to Australia as she hates the day to day corruption & misses the quality of living in Australia. Probably will go back for a "refresher" in a few years.

OP: Do not know if it applies to your partners family circumstances, but relationship conflicts are caused if you do not mutually agree an allowance to support some of the wife’s close family prior to her relocating to your country

Your first line speaks volumes:

To add to the above post, Thai women abroad tend to congregate in groups, usually with a “queen bee” & can be vicious gossips that can cause a great deal of unhappiness.

This is exactly what I have found,they all like to congregate together as often as possible,they do try and integrate with English people but this comes a poor second to keeping their contacts with other Thais,the Queen Bee or Mama San (as I call her,upsets the English husbands on a regular basis,and doesn't give a dam_n, ) decides where they will meet,what they will do,and where they will go. She also organises the Gambling,in particular card schools lasting all day and all night sometimes. Out of at least 20 Thai women I know in the UK,only 1 is sensible and doesn't Gamble.The contact by phone is every day,and several times a day,as you say: the gossiping is vicious,and doesn't take into account of anyones feelings,just like in the village it's often lies or manufactured nonsense,creating a home from home atmosphere it would seem.

To the OP my advice is choose the area you live very carefully,and research that there is not too many Thais in the area you plan to settle with your wife. Or you will most certainly regret being overwelmed with Thai women in your own Country if you dont!

My wife has 3 or 4 decent Thai friends, the rest of them I would cheerfully love to see them "go home" some English friends of mine would like to see the very same mischief makers included. Beware!

Just as I described it back in Holland.. group of Thais gossiping and gambling.. with a queen bee as you guys call it. That is the trap, but be honest guys those of you who now live here you will always like to have friends that you share a language with. (I even settle down for English friends though its lowering my standards as Dutch just joking). But until someone is fluid enough in an other language its hard to get other friends and even when your fluid in the other language your background separates you a bit. I have Thai friends but my ties with foreigners goes deeper because of the language and background.

For Thais its the same maybe even more so as they are really group animals.

If they enter the wrong group all goes wrong.. I have seen that.

[farang000999]

The gossip and gamblers are doing the same things they would have been doing in Thailand. The queen bee did not get them, they are a queen bee.

[wamberal]

My wife and I are retired, we spend a lot of our time together. She does have a couple of local Thai friends, one of whom introduced us in the first place.

I imagine the challenges are very different if one spouse is working (usually the male), leaving Thai wife at something of a loose end.

Yes, my observation is also that some (perhaps most) Thai people enjoy being part of groups. But I have also observed that the groups are pretty fluid. For example, I worked some years ago at a large Thai corporation in the power industry. There were groups all right, one group was the engineers, who were opposed to the non-engineers. Then there were the Chula graduates. Then there were the "real" Thais, who despised the Chinese Thais.

The weird thing was that any individual could belong to several of those groups, genuine friends could be together in one grouping (say, if they were both Chula graduates), but opposed to each other in another grouping (say, one was an Accountant, the other was an Engineer).

[Thai at Heart]

We are returning home soon, but I was posted overseas from Thailand to a country with virtually no Thai people a few years ago.

We met one Thai couple who are still closer friends of ours. Fortunately, I will be returning to be close to my parents who want to see their grand children so that will be a huge bonus.

Will remember to avoid the queen bee.

[MAJIC]

Have you asked her why her preference is to stay in Thailand? There could be many reasons. You have named a few of them.

Most Australians, or other nationalities, would probably prefer to live in their home countries, near family, friends, familiar places, etc, speaking their native language, and so on.

My wife, who is also Thai, is the opposite, she is happy to visit Thailand, but is adamant that she never wants to live there again, even though she has several very good friends, and two younger sisters to whom she is close. She detests the corruption in public life, that's the main thing. I think she also believes that I will be healthier and live longer in a western country. She is probably right, I think.

Finally, Thai people are very careful about making new Thai friends. My wife is very picky in who she chooses to maintain friendships with - although she has no problem making friendships with people of other nationalities. There is something in the Thai attitude towards other Thais that is complex and hard for us to understand. That might be a potential factor for your wife, she has her circle of relatives and friends, and cannot be bothered meeting new Thais in other countries.

If you are significantly older than her, it is also likely that she would prefer to be widowed in her home country than in a foreign land. Depends on how good she is at looking after herself, paying bills, dealing with government rules and regulations, etc.\

Hope this helps.

To add to the above post, Thai women abroad tend to congregate in groups, usually with a “queen bee” & can be vicious gossips that can cause a great deal of unhappiness.

When I was away on business, when my wife & I were living overseas, I ended up with huge phone bills (prior to Skype) as she would chat with her family for hours.

My wife & I now live in Thailand (retired), but she has told me on a number of occasions that she would like to return to Australia as she hates the day to day corruption & misses the quality of living in Australia. Probably will go back for a "refresher" in a few years.

OP: Do not know if it applies to your partners family circumstances, but relationship conflicts are caused if you do not mutually agree an allowance to support some of the wife’s close family prior to her relocating to your country

Your first line speaks volumes:

To add to the above post, Thai women abroad tend to congregate in groups, usually with a “queen bee” & can be vicious gossips that can cause a great deal of unhappiness.

This is exactly what I have found,they all like to congregate together as often as possible,they do try and integrate with English people but this comes a poor second to keeping their contacts with other Thais,the Queen Bee or Mama San (as I call her,upsets the English husbands on a regular basis,and doesn't give a dam_n, ) decides where they will meet,what they will do,and where they will go. She also organises the Gambling,in particular card schools lasting all day and all night sometimes. Out of at least 20 Thai women I know in the UK,only 1 is sensible and doesn't Gamble.The contact by phone is every day,and several times a day,as you say: the gossiping is vicious,and doesn't take into account of anyones feelings,just like in the village it's often lies or manufactured nonsense,creating a home from home atmosphere it would seem.

To the OP my advice is choose the area you live very carefully,and research that there is not too many Thais in the area you plan to settle with your wife. Or you will most certainly regret being overwelmed with Thai women in your own Country if you dont!

My wife has 3 or 4 decent Thai friends, the rest of them I would cheerfully love to see them "go home" some English friends of mine would like to see the very same mischief makers included. Beware!

Just as I described it back in Holland.. group of Thais gossiping and gambling.. with a queen bee as you guys call it. That is the trap, but be honest guys those of you who now live here you will always like to have friends that you share a language with. (I even settle down for English friends though its lowering my standards as Dutch just joking). But until someone is fluid enough in an other language its hard to get other friends and even when your fluid in the other language your background separates you a bit. I have Thai friends but my ties with foreigners goes deeper because of the language and background.

For Thais its the same maybe even more so as they are really group animals.

If they enter the wrong group all goes wrong.. I have seen that.

Correct and you are right about the "wrong group"

These Queen Bees get very possessive with their little gang members,and do all they can to undermine the husband,they think they know all there is to know about the host Country,and give out false information to the other wives,so that they can be perceived to be knowledgeable and respected,when nothing could be further from the truth,the husband then has to explain at length,not to listen to the Queen Bee.Which your partner doesn't like hearing her Queen Bee advisor ,knows very little.

[David48]

Australia is relatively close to Thailand so it is going to be a hell of a lot easier living there than the USA or parts of Europe. I also think the weather is not too bad, generally high quality of living, safe, clean, boring, plenty of Asians.

Ummm ...

Brisbane/Sydney/Melbourne to Bangkok is between 9 - 10 hours

Bangkok - London is 11 and a bit hours ... ... ... Australia closer? ...

Unless, of course you meant Darwin ... ... only crocs live up there.

'plenty of Asian' ... ... hang on honey, do you speak Chinese, Japanese ... etc ... no ... oh ... least there are plenty of Asians.

Didn't really think that post through ... did we?

Sorry, I thought it was more like 7-8 hours. My mistake. But if you are flying to Europe, unless you are paying for a direct flight you are probably going to be taking multiple flights which is a bitch. Delays. Waiting in Airports. You will also be on different time zones. Wait, you don't see the advantage to living in a place with a lot of Asians for your Thai wife? Groceries. Restaurants. Clothing shops?

A flight to the USA is often 20-23 hours in travel time depending on where you are going. Just clearing HOMELAND SECURITY ANTI-TERRORISM TASK FORCE could take hours.

Mate, I know your heart is in the right place, so I'll try and explain from a visiting Australian perspective.

We also have some of the same issues facing flying from Bangkok to Europe.

If you want to fly the cheapest way ... it's not Thai Airlines ... the direct flight into either Brisbane or Sydney ... connecting flight for others.

You can choose Scoot (Singapore's Low Cost Carrier) or AirAsiaX, which flies through Kuala Lumpur with layovers of hours or sometimes (Scoot) overnight.

Culturally and language wise there is almost no connection between the Asian nations, so no advantage there.

Also from a culinary perspective, Imported sauces differ and usually they are in the original countries language, so again ... no assistance.

My humble experience that the Thais collectively crave is Pawpaw Salad ... which uses the green PawPaw ... difficult to find in Australia.

Clothing Shops ... we are a country of approx 20 Million ... Greater Bangkok on a Summers Day ... Asian clothing shops ... not likely.

The #1 place in Australia for Thais Shopping (except the Hi-So's) is the Op Shop ... they can't believe in the Charitable organisation and the prices asked in same.

There is a time difference of 3 hours in our Winter and in most larger Cities, 4 hours in Summer between Australia and Thailand ... but close enough for there to be same day communication.

Restaurants ... same as any country, the host country dumbs down the flavour of the dish to suit the locals. Plus, when you go there, they look at the prices and their jaw drops and almost refuse to eat at those crazy prices!

Thus is life in Australia.

.

[Aussieroaming]

Patience and support is the key.

A good network of non-thai friends helps enormously.

Like others have already posted just because a person is of the same nationality does not mean they will be friends, believe me when i say we have met some destructive types in the U.K.

Ten years on it's been a roller coaster and we are still going strong with three wonderful children and lots of friends.

The wife has a job she enjoys and if i'm honest she gets more respect and acknowledgement for her work than she ever got in Thailand.

Also being in business she has many middle class friends such as teachers and doctors that have enriched my life and business also.

If a foreigner comes to a country with a positive attitude and not under a whim then it's all good.

The major factor against was the weather, my wife suffers from SAD(seasonal affective disorder) which means she hates the cold,ice and rain.

We have no plans to return to LOS in the near future, but will eventually spend the winter months of our retirement there.

CCC

I've got to agree with this, my wife doesn't want to integrate with Thais O/S.

[Aussieroaming]

Australia is relatively close to Thailand so it is going to be a hell of a lot easier living there than the USA or parts of Europe. I also think the weather is not too bad, generally high quality of living, safe, clean, boring, plenty of Asians.

Ummm ...

Brisbane/Sydney/Melbourne to Bangkok is between 9 - 10 hours

Bangkok - London is 11 and a bit hours ... ... ... Australia closer? ...

Unless, of course you meant Darwin ... ... only crocs live up there.

'plenty of Asian' ... ... hang on honey, do you speak Chinese, Japanese ... etc ... no ... oh ... least there are plenty of Asians.

Didn't really think that post through ... did we?

Sorry, I thought it was more like 7-8 hours. My mistake. But if you are flying to Europe, unless you are paying for a direct flight you are probably going to be taking multiple flights which is a bitch. Delays. Waiting in Airports. You will also be on different time zones. Wait, you don't see the advantage to living in a place with a lot of Asians for your Thai wife? Groceries. Restaurants. Clothing shops?

A flight to the USA is often 20-23 hours in travel time depending on where you are going. Just clearing HOMELAND SECURITY ANTI-TERRORISM TASK FORCE could take hours.

Mate, I know your heart is in the right place, so I'll try and explain from a visiting Australian perspective.

We also have some of the same issues facing flying from Bangkok to Europe.

If you want to fly the cheapest way ... it's not Thai Airlines ... the direct flight into either Brisbane or Sydney ... connecting flight for others.

You can choose Scoot (Singapore's Low Cost Carrier) or AirAsiaX, which flies through Kuala Lumpur with layovers of hours or sometimes (Scoot) overnight.

Culturally and language wise there is almost no connection between the Asian nations, so no advantage there.

Also from a culinary perspective, Imported sauces differ and usually they are in the original countries language, so again ... no assistance.

My humble experience that the Thais collectively crave is Pawpaw Salad ... which uses the green PawPaw ... difficult to find in Australia.

Clothing Shops ... we are a country of approx 20 Million ... Greater Bangkok on a Summers Day ... Asian clothing shops ... not likely.

The #1 place in Australia for Thais Shopping (except the Hi-So's) is the Op Shop ... they can't believe in the Charitable organisation and the prices asked in same.

There is a time difference of 3 hours in our Winter and in most larger Cities, 4 hours in Summer between Australia and Thailand ... but close enough for there to be same day communication.

Restaurants ... same as any country, the host country dumbs down the flavour of the dish to suit the locals. Plus, when you go there, they look at the prices and their jaw drops and almost refuse to eat at those crazy prices!

Thus is life in Australia.

.

Agreed, she ate the most expensive Pawpaw salad in her life but she smiled all the way through it....just like us with Vegemite

[White Christmas13]

Just my 2 cents to this topic

My wife lives in OZ for about 9 years, taking of some time for holidays in Thailand,

she finds living in OZ is much easier and more rewarding then in Thailand

Of course she misses her family in Thailand and yes she has a few Thai friends

over here but she also mixes with Australian politicians and met the Thai ambassador

a few weeks back at a meeting with the Speaker of the West Australian Government.

So she is very well ( how can I say that?) established her self in Australia without

my help. Don't believe me send me an PS and I will send you a Picture of that meeting

Cheers

[Bcgardener]

Australia is relatively close to Thailand so it is going to be a hell of a lot easier living there than the USA or parts of Europe. I also think the weather is not too bad, generally high quality of living, safe, clean, boring, plenty of Asians.

Ummm ...

Brisbane/Sydney/Melbourne to Bangkok is between 9 - 10 hours

Bangkok - London is 11 and a bit hours ... ... ... Australia closer? ... alt=rolleyes.gif width=20 height=20>

Unless, of course you meant Darwin ... alt=w00t.gif width=18 height=20> ... only crocs live up there.

'plenty of Asian' ... alt=blink.png width=20 height=20> ... hang on honey, do you speak Chinese, Japanese ... etc ... no ... oh ... least there are plenty of Asians.

Didn't really think that post through ... did we?

Sorry, I thought it was more like 7-8 hours. My mistake. But if you are flying to Europe, unless you are paying for a direct flight you are probably going to be taking multiple flights which is a bitch. Delays. Waiting in Airports. You will also be on different time zones. Wait, you don't see the advantage to living in a place with a lot of Asians for your Thai wife? Groceries. Restaurants. Clothing shops?

A flight to the USA is often 20-23 hours in travel time depending on where you are going. Just clearing HOMELAND SECURITY ANTI-TERRORISM TASK FORCE could take hours.

Mate, I know your heart is in the right place, so I'll try and explain from a visiting Australian perspective.

We also have some of the same issues facing flying from Bangkok to Europe.

If you want to fly the cheapest way ... it's not Thai Airlines ... the direct flight into either Brisbane or Sydney ... connecting flight for others.

You can choose Scoot (Singapore's Low Cost Carrier) or AirAsiaX, which flies through Kuala Lumpur with layovers of hours or sometimes (Scoot) overnight.

Culturally and language wise there is almost no connection between the Asian nations, so no advantage there.

Also from a culinary perspective, Imported sauces differ and usually they are in the original countries language, so again ... no assistance.

My humble experience that the Thais collectively crave is Pawpaw Salad ... which uses the green PawPaw ... difficult to find in Australia.

Clothing Shops ... we are a country of approx 20 Million ... Greater Bangkok on a Summers Day ... Asian clothing shops ... not likely.

The #1 place in Australia for Thais Shopping (except the Hi-So's) is the Op Shop ... they can't believe in the Charitable organisation and the prices asked in same.

There is a time difference of 3 hours in our Winter and in most larger Cities, 4 hours in Summer between Australia and Thailand ... but close enough for there to be same day communication.

Restaurants ... same as any country, the host country dumbs down the flavour of the dish to suit the locals. Plus, when you go there, they look at the prices and their jaw drops and almost refuse to eat at those crazy prices!

Thus is life in Australia.

.

I'm not sure that everything you have said can be applied in general to all Thai women in Australia. My wife and I were there for 12 years before moving to Thailand and I think she absorbed quite a lot of other Asian cultures while we lived there. Her friends included Koreans, Indians and Vietnamese, with the common subject being food. As my wife loves to cook she was always interested in how to cook various foods from their countries. End result for me is that she can now make a pretty good vindaloo or a batch of Kimchi. Whenever we are back home she always stocks up on all the spices etc and one of the Asia grocery shops. As for shopping, the moment we are back there she is straight into Target, Big W or K Mart for clothes as she says the prices are similar to Thailand but much more fashionable.

On the subject of "queen bees" I am 100% in agreement. The bitching and backstabbing is endemic in groups like that. There was a reasonable number of Thais in the area we lived in Sydney (Northern Beaches) but, all credit to her, my wife figured out pretty quickly that this group was trouble particularly as some them started bad mouthing her to other Thais as she wouldn't tow the group line. Bump into one in the street and a polite hello then keep going. She eventually found a good circle of friends but a mixture of locals and other immigrants (not all Thai). She said the best place to meet people was the Government offered English classes as the teachers always kept people from the same country apart in class so you got to meet a wide range of people and everyone was "forced " to speak in English due to the language differences.

[David48]

^^ I agree ... no argument here.

... but everyone different ... but I think yours is a slightly special and privileged situation.

THE QUEEN BEE ... ignore all who come here at your peril.

I haven't chosen my gf's friends ... but have subtly guided here and there.

My lady has become firm friends with the gf of another member here ... and we are all the richer for that.

EDIT ... have dropped over to a new page.

[simple1]

@bcgardner: A long time ago; my wife went to the Govt English language classes in central Sydney. She refused to go after twice attending as she dislikes Chinese people, many of whom at the class.

[Bcgardener]

@bcgardner: A long time ago; my wife went to the Govt English language classes in central Sydney. She refused to go after twice attending as she dislikes Chinese people, many of whom at the class.

You probably correct there as it would be near Chinatown in the CBD. My wife went to a local TAFE college in Brookvale and there was some Chinese but also a large mix of other races and not just Asian, a few Europeans and South Americans. This was also a fair while ago in 1997.

We just got back from a short break in Hong Kong staying at a hotel full of Mainland Chinese tour groups. I sympathise with your wife.. it was hell.

[Aussieroaming]

The first question is ... has she visited you in your home country?

How many times?

What length of time for the longest visit?

Without those answers, difficult to give you a qualified reply.

My partner has been to Australia 4 times now ... each time longer then before.

There were issues.

Your questions are cool. We travel overseas once a month because I travel a lot and we decided not to be apart. We live in Bangkok but visit Australia at least once every two months for a week or two. But I offered her a choice to live in Europe , Asia or Australia and she would happily live anywhere if I am there. That's the confusing bit, because she doesn't want to live in any country except Thailand when we aren't together. Even though I've offered her unlimited trips home if she feels lonely.

Part of the issue is that she quit her job to be with me and she misses the daily interactions she had at work. So she feels if I am not there that she has wasted her career.

Obviously because we travel a lot she can't work full time and I think that stigma is affecting her.

Her family all own businesses in Thailand and are successful and I think she looks at herself and she isn't rooted anywhere to do the same. So maybe with this forum I'm answering my own question. She needs to thrive in her world and our lifestyle has held her back.

But answer the above to kick us off.

.

[benalibina]

To make the queen bee of less importance 1, the man, needs to be consistent and knowledgable about many matters going on in their country. On that way the queen bee will become of less significance. The number of times i have heard silly interpretations about my countries laws and customs by my girlfriend then, via queen bee, were uncountable. In the land of the blind 1eye is king ( sorry, queen ! ).

Yep, another favourite activity is to coach concerning welfare and credit fraud.

You assume that apart from a manipulative mind, they have brains as well ?

Fat chance !

[Chittychangchang]

Have you asked her why her preference is to stay in Thailand? There could be many reasons. You have named a few of them.

Most Australians, or other nationalities, would probably prefer to live in their home countries, near family, friends, familiar places, etc, speaking their native language, and so on.

My wife, who is also Thai, is the opposite, she is happy to visit Thailand, but is adamant that she never wants to live there again, even though she has several very good friends, and two younger sisters to whom she is close. She detests the corruption in public life, that's the main thing. I think she also believes that I will be healthier and live longer in a western country. She is probably right, I think.

Finally, Thai people are very careful about making new Thai friends. My wife is very picky in who she chooses to maintain friendships with - although she has no problem making friendships with people of other nationalities. There is something in the Thai attitude towards other Thais that is complex and hard for us to understand. That might be a potential factor for your wife, she has her circle of relatives and friends, and cannot be bothered meeting new Thais in other countries.

If you are significantly older than her, it is also likely that she would prefer to be widowed in her home country than in a foreign land. Depends on how good she is at looking after herself, paying bills, dealing with government rules and regulations, etc.\

Hope this helps.

To add to the above post, Thai women abroad tend to congregate in groups, usually with a “queen bee” & can be vicious gossips that can cause a great deal of unhappiness.

When I was away on business, when my wife & I were living overseas, I ended up with huge phone bills (prior to Skype) as she would chat with her family for hours.

My wife & I now live in Thailand (retired), but she has told me on a number of occasions that she would like to return to Australia as she hates the day to day corruption & misses the quality of living in Australia. Probably will go back for a "refresher" in a few years.

OP: Do not know if it applies to your partners family circumstances, but relationship conflicts are caused if you do not mutually agree an allowance to support some of the wife’s close family prior to her relocating to your country

Your first line speaks volumes:

To add to the above post, Thai women abroad tend to congregate in groups, usually with a “queen bee” & can be vicious gossips that can cause a great deal of unhappiness.

This is exactly what I have found,they all like to congregate together as often as possible,they do try and integrate with English people but this comes a poor second to keeping their contacts with other Thais,the Queen Bee or Mama San (as I call her,upsets the English husbands on a regular basis,and doesn't give a dam_n, ) decides where they will meet,what they will do,and where they will go. She also organises the Gambling,in particular card schools lasting all day and all night sometimes. Out of at least 20 Thai women I know in the UK,only 1 is sensible and doesn't Gamble.The contact by phone is every day,and several times a day,as you say: the gossiping is vicious,and doesn't take into account of anyones feelings,just like in the village it's often lies or manufactured nonsense,creating a home from home atmosphere it would seem.

To the OP my advice is choose the area you live very carefully,and research that there is not too many Thais in the area you plan to settle with your wife. Or you will most certainly regret being overwelmed with Thai women in your own Country if you dont!

My wife has 3 or 4 decent Thai friends, the rest of them I would cheerfully love to see them "go home" some English friends of mine would like to see the very same mischief makers included. Beware!

+1 You find these queen bees target new arrivals with their"wisdom" The husband goes along with it all just so his wife can have a Thai friend and wants her to settle. The queen bee can be counter productive and a right pain in the rear if they get a foothold in your family lives.

How to spot a troublesome queen bee in the early stages is difficult for the novice and hopefully this thread will educate a few members of the peril.

A queen bee normally is initially very welcoming and friendly she will invite all her friends round after a few meetings to show of her new friend.

The tell tale signs are day time drinking,dressing for attention of other farang males, visible tatoos, cards, gossiping about her "friends" behind there backs and showing off what they have ie: Land in Thailand etc,etc. The ones who dont have children are probally Ladyboy's with older husbands.

It's not an exact science to spotting them, but if you know some swear words in Thai and they use them then that's a good place to start.

CCC

[benalibina]

@ccc

I agree with most parts of your above comment but i truly fail to see what ' the visible tattoo part and ladyboys with older man' hss for relevance. Nonsense. On the other part, not yet mentioned in this qb saga, it bears indeed relevance to know a little more than 'some' thai languageskills in order to know if their upbringing, choice of words and maybe even from poor parents, has been done with politeness in mind.

[MAJIC]

Have you asked her why her preference is to stay in Thailand? There could be many reasons. You have named a few of them.

Most Australians, or other nationalities, would probably prefer to live in their home countries, near family, friends, familiar places, etc, speaking their native language, and so on.

My wife, who is also Thai, is the opposite, she is happy to visit Thailand, but is adamant that she never wants to live there again, even though she has several very good friends, and two younger sisters to whom she is close. She detests the corruption in public life, that's the main thing. I think she also believes that I will be healthier and live longer in a western country. She is probably right, I think.

Finally, Thai people are very careful about making new Thai friends. My wife is very picky in who she chooses to maintain friendships with - although she has no problem making friendships with people of other nationalities. There is something in the Thai attitude towards other Thais that is complex and hard for us to understand. That might be a potential factor for your wife, she has her circle of relatives and friends, and cannot be bothered meeting new Thais in other countries.

If you are significantly older than her, it is also likely that she would prefer to be widowed in her home country than in a foreign land. Depends on how good she is at looking after herself, paying bills, dealing with government rules and regulations, etc.\

Hope this helps.

To add to the above post, Thai women abroad tend to congregate in groups, usually with a “queen bee” & can be vicious gossips that can cause a great deal of unhappiness.

When I was away on business, when my wife & I were living overseas, I ended up with huge phone bills (prior to Skype) as she would chat with her family for hours.

My wife & I now live in Thailand (retired), but she has told me on a number of occasions that she would like to return to Australia as she hates the day to day corruption & misses the quality of living in Australia. Probably will go back for a "refresher" in a few years.

OP: Do not know if it applies to your partners family circumstances, but relationship conflicts are caused if you do not mutually agree an allowance to support some of the wife’s close family prior to her relocating to your country

Your first line speaks volumes:

To add to the above post, Thai women abroad tend to congregate in groups, usually with a “queen bee” & can be vicious gossips that can cause a great deal of unhappiness.

This is exactly what I have found,they all like to congregate together as often as possible,they do try and integrate with English people but this comes a poor second to keeping their contacts with other Thais,the Queen Bee or Mama San (as I call her,upsets the English husbands on a regular basis,and doesn't give a dam_n, ) decides where they will meet,what they will do,and where they will go. She also organises the Gambling,in particular card schools lasting all day and all night sometimes. Out of at least 20 Thai women I know in the UK,only 1 is sensible and doesn't Gamble.The contact by phone is every day,and several times a day,as you say: the gossiping is vicious,and doesn't take into account of anyones feelings,just like in the village it's often lies or manufactured nonsense,creating a home from home atmosphere it would seem.

To the OP my advice is choose the area you live very carefully,and research that there is not too many Thais in the area you plan to settle with your wife. Or you will most certainly regret being overwelmed with Thai women in your own Country if you dont!

My wife has 3 or 4 decent Thai friends, the rest of them I would cheerfully love to see them "go home" some English friends of mine would like to see the very same mischief makers included. Beware!

+1 You find these queen bees target new arrivals with their"wisdom" The husband goes along with it all just so his wife can have a Thai friend and wants her to settle. The queen bee can be counter productive and a right pain in the rear if they get a foothold in your family lives.

How to spot a troublesome queen bee in the early stages is difficult for the novice and hopefully this thread will educate a few members of the peril.

A queen bee normally is initially very welcoming and friendly she will invite all her friends round after a few meetings to show of her new friend.

The tell tale signs are day time drinking,dressing for attention of other farang males, visible tatoos, cards, gossiping about her "friends" behind there backs and showing off what they have ie: Land in Thailand etc,etc. The ones who dont have children are probally Ladyboy's with older husbands.

It's not an exact science to spotting them, but if you know some swear words in Thai and they use them then that's a good place to start.

CCC

I can see you have had fair bit of experience of this Magpie in the nest,intent on taking over your wife and anyone else's, to make her the one who knows every thing about your Country,and feeds her very poor English out to the gang members,so that when you correct your wifes english, she doesn't like the fact that Queen Bee is wrong again, that's the nature of the willing victims infatuation.

Usually when the wife gets a bit disatisfied with her lot,i.e she doesn't have as much money,or as nice a car as other members of the gang,you can bet your life,apart from all of them winding each other up, with: the I've got more than you syndrome, and you can be sure who is doing 90% of the S**t stirring,even though there is a lot of jockying for dominance in the gang, Queen Bee will do anything to maintain her status (and often does),so never underestimate her power to control !

[Chittychangchang]

These types are often of a questionable background.

The ones who sold condos in Pattaya or was a nurse in bangkok

We've tried being friends with the ones who have proffessional partners but the same traits rear there ugly head after a while, the partners are nearly always oblivious to there Thai partners past.

The only solution we have found is to have no friendships with 99% of the Thai women we meet in the U.K.

That is becoming easier over the years with the missus having more than enough good English friends, also we have seen a drop in the number of new arrivals due to English tests and stricter visa requirements which has been a good filter recently.

The most horrendous story i can tell is a ex-nurse from Pattaya who divorced two husbands married the third a really decent hard working guy who worked a difficult job and doted on their child. She would have the house full of younger women while he was at work drinking, gambling talking about going out and pulling farang men for fun and money.

They spoke awful Thai slang and where very repetitive and monotonous with there conversations.

She would even slag her husband off in Thai in front of her friends and him!! saying how she was making extra money

My wife and i had enough of her and her games and i blocked her phone number on our phones and that was that.

There's a few bad apples out there don't let them ruin the barrel.

CCC

[David48]

The first question is ... has she visited you in your home country?

How many times?

What length of time for the longest visit?

Without those answers, difficult to give you a qualified reply.

My partner has been to Australia 4 times now ... each time longer then before.

There were issues.

.

Your questions are cool. We travel overseas once a month because I travel a lot and we decided not to be apart. We live in Bangkok but visit Australia at least once every two months for a week or two. But I offered her a choice to live in Europe , Asia or Australia and she would happily live anywhere if I am there. That's the confusing bit, because she doesn't want to live in any country except Thailand when we aren't together. Even though I've offered her unlimited trips home if she feels lonely.

Part of the issue is that she quit her job to be with me and she misses the daily interactions she had at work. So she feels if I am not there that she has wasted her career.

Obviously because we travel a lot she can't work full time and I think that stigma is affecting her.

Her family all own businesses in Thailand and are successful and I think she looks at herself and she isn't rooted anywhere to do the same. So maybe with this forum I'm answering my own question. She needs to thrive in her world and our lifestyle has held her back.

But answer the above to kick us off.

Mate ... hope you don't mind, but I separated my post and your reply ...

Maybe some words about my lassie first.

She's Uni educated and worked in a smallish International firm for 12 years as a manager ... but her job wasn't her life. Certainly had a great crew there and many of them remain her closest friends.

Travelled out to Australia from Thailand, 10 days the first time, back to work. Bit over two weeks the second time ... back to work.

Then we agreed that she should stay longer, so she quit her job and came for 3 months. Then later, another 3 months.

Got homesick both times on the longer stays ... but a few days later, got over it.

Now we are looking at resettlement to Australia.

What helps my gf is the solid commitment we have together ... she knows the Plan for us, what will happen and when ... so she knows her future and is not uncertain and knows that she and, in part, her Family, are to be taken care of.

Before the naysayers jump in ... what the Family being taken care of means, while she doesn't work, I contribute (very modestly) to their income. When she works, she returns to taking care of them ... it's a partnership and agreement we have.

So her biggest commitment outside of us is catered for ... she can rest easy, and we can enjoy our relationship together.

So, to your lady ... I can understand her thinking about wishing to be in Thailand when not with you.

She knows it, sights, sounds, smells are familiar.

Maybe also there is a feeling that she wishes to have a stable base. When she is with you, you are that base ... but when you are working, then that stability, that familiarity is missing, has left her. She has to start again. But in Thailand, she's in a familiar setting.

What helped my lady was the local Temple and the friends she made there. Plus the enduring friendship of the gf of one of the members here.

Also, about your gf's family. If they are all successful and she wishes to emulate them in part, maybe it's a small loss of face that they are outwardly successful and she is ... is ... the gf of a Falang.

As men, sometimes we underestimate the importance of the female relationships woman have with woman ... the support networks they develop.

But, I'm starting to steer into relationship advice about the fairer sex and I'm in the dark as much as you are about this.

As you said above ... you are beginning to answer your own questions.

Good Luck with what you do.

.