step daughter and logic

[tingtongteesood]

To hell with face. I agree, she doesn't need those things and she is being stubborn, so let her have nothing. Maybe eventually she will learn a lesson from it. We should be happy with what we have, and don't look a gift horse in the mouth, smile and be thankful.

[robertson468]

You are the cheap Charlie who would rather see your step kid have no phone or transportation to save a few bucks you don't even need and since your friends and neighbors know it's nonsense have to try and gain sympathy on the internet from random strangers ........ who is the one cutting the nose off ? her ? or you ? ........... you are the one who is refusing to give your step kid a decent product you can easily afford so you look like a cheap Charlie douchebag ..... and you are ....... It's you who is cutting your own nose off to spite your own face because you are wanting to save a couple of bucks you don't need to look like and be a douchebag parent instead and the only hope in hell of getting anyone to side with you is on the internet.

I am amazed that you have the audacity to use the "pen name" of Real Deal, because judging from what you have written, your logic regarding children is far from real. As a previous OP has written, with a child, one must lay down the parameters, which in the parent's judgement are realistic. Also explain to the child why you have made what ever the decision is, such as, "you are 14 years old and whilst you are quickly becoming an adult, I am sorry to say that the law says people that age are not allowed to ride a motor bike, because in the eyes of the lawmakers, most 14 year olds have not developed the judgement and maturity to safely ride a motor bike". If one fails to do this, the child will grow in to an adult believing, first of all that they can flaunt the law with impunity and will seek to push the boundaries in what ever way they want, with complete disregard for others.

[OxfordWill]

The point you are missing is why she wants these items, its not to make phone calls or get anywhere.

[harrismac]

Good for not spoiling the child; especially an undeserving unruly one. Motorbike is out of the question until 18. Phone...if it's a first one make it cheap. 16 is a next major step in being a teen where you can either get her a nicer one if she has taken care of the basic one you get her from 14 years old. Basically the kid can work, too. Let them earn and appreciate what they have. Kids today are so spoiled. The smart mouthed ones will get NOTHING from me except the bare necessities. They don't like it, I'll send them away to a strict school or they can live with another family member. I'll talk to them all they can take so they understand. If they still want to be a flake and mess up, it's on them. Parents in general all over the world are way too weak.

[ChrisB87]

sounds like both of you want to control her fate. I personally admire the kid for knowing what she wants.

Come on!

She is acting like a spoiled brat (sorry if this causes offense). How can that be admirable?

[transam]

A weeeeeeeeeeeeee story, you will laugh or cry.

When the mrs and I teamed up I bought her a new click, she would take her daughter (16) to school on it. I later decided to buy an Airblade and give the Click to the daughter for school . One day she came home with no bike. I asked the mrs where is the bike. After her having serious words with the daughter it turned out she had given it to lo-life money lenders to borrow 6000 bht. Of course I hit the roof, asked where these lo-life were, was told you cannot do that they have guns. I said I don't give a sh_t, take me there. One thing led to another and we went there. Was told the bike wasn't there and will be back in a week. It was pointed out not to upset these creeps so the week passed and we got the bike back after paying the 6K+.

I sold it and said nicely to the daughter <deleted>, now try walking.

Many years latter this daughter has ripped off two very nice hard working Thai guys for their cash. She hasn't done a days work in her life, just scamming folk, including me that one time.

[Rorri]

You are the cheap Charlie who would rather see your step kid have no phone or transportation to save a few bucks you don't even need and since your friends and neighbors know it's nonsense have to try and gain sympathy on the internet from random strangers ........ who is the one cutting the nose off ? her ? or you ? ........... you are the one who is refusing to give your step kid a decent product you can easily afford so you look like a cheap Charlie douchebag ..... and you are ....... It's you who is cutting your own nose off to spite your own face because you are wanting to save a couple of bucks you don't need to look like and be a douchebag parent instead and the only hope in hell of getting anyone to side with you is on the internet.

Your a dick.

I totally agree with the Op about making sure teenagers understand the value of things. Thailand and the world in general is getting f@#ked up by people who are ignorant and think money is the be all and end all of happiness.

Sent from my i-mobile i-STYLE Q6

People who tell it like it is are always called dicks ....it's you're not your btw .... it's not about money it's about quality and nice things , it's just that quality and nice things cost more and the op and I guess you and other posters are to cheap to care about that when it comes to your Thai step kids ..... if that makes you sleep better at night fine by me.

Sorry MrRealDeal, but if you really mean what you say, then you are the real deal, i.e. a real dick, it's people like you that have created so many delinquent kids. To the op,never give a kid what they want, unless it is ok by you, you are the parent and therefore your responsibility to bring this kid up to be a decent person, something MrRealDeal's parents seem to have failed in.

[ABCer]

A weeeeeeeeeeeeee story, you will laugh or cry.

When the mrs and I teamed up I bought her a new click, she would take her daughter (16) to school on it. I later decided to buy an Airblade and give the Click to the daughter for school . One day she came home with no bike. I asked the mrs where is the bike. After her having serious words with the daughter it turned out she had given it to lo-life money lenders to borrow 6000 bht. Of course I hit the roof, asked where these lo-life were, was told you cannot do that they have guns. I said I don't give a sh_t, take me there. One thing led to another and we went there. Was told the bike wasn't there and will be back in a week. It was pointed out not to upset these creeps so the week passed and we got the bike back after paying the 6K+.

I sold it and said nicely to the daughter <deleted>, now try walking.

Many years latter this daughter has ripped off two very nice hard working Thai guys for their cash. She hasn't done a days work in her life, just scamming folk, including me that one time.

Thank you, transam, for honest truthful example proving the point - don't do things that produces spoiled brats.

[angrybird]

Motorbikes ?? Is a pushbike out of the question ?

I guess so as I am the only one taking a child to school on a pushbike, no doubt until he realises HE is the only one.

[ianf]

Saving you money is good, isn't it?

If she were my step-daughter I would be most careful to always offer less than she wants.

One of the kids I was coaching (cycling) turned up at my house driving a Honda Civic. He is aged 15. I dropped him from my coaching group. Whay kind of irresponsible parents does this kid have?

[lensta]

IMO I think that you should have told her that if she wanted a phone that

cost more that 10,000 Baht, she would have to earn the extra her self,

the same goes for the motor bike.

[SSSlongtime]

iv got one same age ,she has learned the word NO ,tell her to ask her real farther ,

[winstonc]

You are the cheap Charlie who would rather see your step kid have no phone or transportation to save a few bucks you don't even need and since your friends and neighbors know it's nonsense have to try and gain sympathy on the internet from random strangers ........ who is the one cutting the nose off ? her ? or you ? ........... you are the one who is refusing to give your step kid a decent product you can easily afford so you look like a cheap Charlie douchebag ..... and you are ....... It's you who is cutting your own nose off to spite your own face because you are wanting to save a couple of bucks you don't need to look like and be a douchebag parent instead and the only hope in hell of getting anyone to side with you is on the internet.

Your a dick.

I totally agree with the Op about making sure teenagers understand the value of things. Thailand and the world in general is getting f@#ked up by people who are ignorant and think money is the be all and end all of happiness.

Sent from my i-mobile i-STYLE Q6

People who tell it like it is are always called dicks ....it's you're not your btw .... it's not about money it's about quality and nice things , it's just that quality and nice things cost more and the op and I guess you and other posters are to cheap to care about that when it comes to your Thai step kids ..... if that makes you sleep better at night fine by me.

why dont you offer to buy her love ..short time atleast until something else she wants..why should he waste his money on a selfish little brat...dont dare tell me you cant get a decent phone for 10.000 or less...

[transam]

A weeeeeeeeeeeeee story, you will laugh or cry.

When the mrs and I teamed up I bought her a new click, she would take her daughter (16) to school on it. I later decided to buy an Airblade and give the Click to the daughter for school . One day she came home with no bike. I asked the mrs where is the bike. After her having serious words with the daughter it turned out she had given it to lo-life money lenders to borrow 6000 bht. Of course I hit the roof, asked where these lo-life were, was told you cannot do that they have guns. I said I don't give a sh_t, take me there. One thing led to another and we went there. Was told the bike wasn't there and will be back in a week. It was pointed out not to upset these creeps so the week passed and we got the bike back after paying the 6K+.

I sold it and said nicely to the daughter <deleted>, now try walking.

Many years latter this daughter has ripped off two very nice hard working Thai guys for their cash. She hasn't done a days work in her life, just scamming folk, including me that one time.

Thank you, transam, for honest truthful example proving the point - don't do things that produces spoiled brats.

My story does continue with her son.

[David48]

A weeeeeeeeeeeeee story, you will laugh or cry.

<snip>

Many years latter this daughter has ripped off two very nice hard working Thai guys for their cash. She hasn't done a days work in her life, just scamming folk, including me that one time.

My story does continue with her son.

Mate ... I'm up for a good yarn at the moment ... care to continue?

Don't hold back ... I'm sure they don't read the Forum ...

.

[transam]

A weeeeeeeeeeeeee story, you will laugh or cry.

<snip>

Many years latter this daughter has ripped off two very nice hard working Thai guys for their cash. She hasn't done a days work in her life, just scamming folk, including me that one time.

My story does continue with her son.

Mate ... I'm up for a good yarn at the moment ... care to continue?

Don't hold back ... I'm sure they don't read the Forum ...

.

OK, soooooooooo the son wants a bike for school, his sh_t head father offered to buy him a second hand bike, I said to the mrs, if he gives me 30K for the Airblade for the lad I will buy us a PCX. All parties agreed. The lad used it for a couple of weeks THEN his chum got a 110cc piece of crap KSR. He would not use the Airblade, in fact the odd time he did he damaged it, for sure on purpose cos he wanted a KSR. Another chum of his picked him up for school on a beat up Honda 50 . I thought ''tosser'', but mum thought, oh my baby isn't happy.

She went out and bought him a KSR after selling the Airblade to a family member. OH, and the father still owes me 5K.

Yes, spoiled brats, but must confess overall the lad is a good kid but doesn't like me cos l am a farang, in not so many words he told me so.

[Bagwan]

sounds like both of you want to control her fate. I personally admire the kid for knowing what she wants.

14 year old's know what they want and if they stick it out they will get it.

Thats logic

Not if I'm paying the bill!!!!! That isn't logic, it's personal weakness. By showing a lack of resolution you do the child no good at all and you make your own life a misery.

Both my wife's kids were problem children just as the majority of Thai kids are. They were warned that if they did not take advantage of the opportunities that I bought for them, then they would end up as impoverished as they were when I took them onboard, and that I would not help them out of the mess that they had made of their lives. On reaching the age of 18 years I took them at their word that they were all grown up and could make their own decisions and told them to provide for themselves. It was emphasised that their mother and I were not going to be their ATM's and that they must reap what they had sown. They were told that we had lives of our own and that that we intended to live them to the full. My prophesy has proved to be the case and they are now limited to one visit to our home and a free meal per week. They are still in my opinion feckless and irresponsible.

Currently we are caring for my wife's daughter's 4 year old. She has learned in the space of a few weeks that tantrums and sulks get her nowhere, that the words 'please' and 'thank you' are mandatory, that NO means just that, and that she must clear up after herself. I find the dichotomy of Thai attitudes and mores perplexing. I have been counselled not to complain or make a fuss, or God forbid, throw my toys out of my pram yet Thai parents permit their children to do just that. The saying spare the rod and spoil the child has more than pinch of common sense about it although only in the most extreme circumstances would I beat a child and even then not in cold blood. One has only to look at today's messed up kids to know that the chattering classes got it all wrong about child rearing. It is sad that the parents know no better since they themselves were allowed to run wild.

Thoughts on parenting are in the main influenced by those that our parents adopted. My father was a Victorian so I am stuck with my mind set. Both my kids have thanked me for being strict when necessary and I can see that they are of similar mind in bringing up their children.

[FritsSikkink]

Times like this I am happy she is a stepdaughter not my flesh and blood.

Nice parent you are.

Treat all your children the same.

Don't give a bike to a 14 year old

If she want a more expensive item let her work / do chores, to earn the rest of the money.

[transam]

Times like this I am happy she is a stepdaughter not my flesh and blood.

Nice parent you are.

Treat all your children the same.

Don't give a bike to a 14 year old

If she want a more expensive item let her work / do chores, to earn the rest of the money.

My wife's son (17) is asked by mum to do stuff and he just says NO. I say he has good home, new bike and a private school and he says NO.

Hmmmmmmm, as you can imagine I do not converse with the little s____ at all. I could go on with stories but..................

[GirlDrinkDrunk]

sounds like both of you want to control her fate. I personally admire the kid for knowing what she wants.

I guess you don't have kids of your own then? How can a 14 year old know what she wants? Really? There is so much peer pressure at that age it's incredible. She wants a phone, right? Not so, she wants a fashion accessory so she can keep up with her mates at school. She wants a bike, right? No she want to be seen posing around on a specific bike she can't even ride yet. Kids need parenting and trust me, that never ends! Yhis seems to be the problem with a lot of young ones in Thailand, they have no idea of value because their parents just say yes to everything (maybe because that's the route of least resistance or maybe because they too were spoiled as kids). It's not a matter of controlling her fate - although that IS a parents job until the kid is old enough to make intelligent decisions based on information - not peer pressure (although in Thailnd peer pressure never seems to stop no matter how old a person is!). Years ago we had a similar thing in the UK with trainers - kids would only wear the trendy (expensive) trainers and there other kids mugging them at knife point to get trainers! Nope, I make you wrong, the parents need to be there to guide and nurture and not submit to every irrational demand.

i have a seven year old and I raise her on my own. She knows no means no. so i make you wrong there. but why would I be surprised given your assertions are based on less than 25 words.

The rest of what you are stating is the painfully obvious, so obvious i did not think i needed to go into it.

At 14 of course she is trying to take control, testing the waters, and seeing what will work.

And materialism is not Thai specific, despite your assertions that it is. it is naive to suggest it is, especially in a global society that now ACTIVELY markets consumerist western values directly to children and teens. How could she not want the best? She is manipulated to want it from all angles, she has been all her life.

Of course she knows what she wants. she may not know why she wants it, and she may not want the responsible or sensible thing, but why denigrate her by denying her ability have genuine wants and desires. I remember being 14. it was bloody tough to get it right. I suspect it is much more difficult now and i take that into consideration.

The "when i was your age argument just doesn't play anymore, especially when coming from a septuagenarian -- the playing field IS different, even from my time and Im 45.

I made no judgment on the OPs decision, in my 25 or so word comment, however as i did say, I think the fact that she stuck her guns is quite admirable where you got the rest is a mystery to me.

My kid carries my old reconditioned iphone 3gs with very limited credit on it. she can call me when there is an issue at school, and i can call her when i run late or travel. sometimes she texts that she loves me. I like that. she knows if she abuses it she loses it. She can have my old phone should i decide to upgrade. period.

That is not spoiling her, that is giving hr something sh is proud to have and responsible for. She knows that if she buggers it up, there is no replacement. It is the same with the 100 baht sh gets to take to school every monday. once it is gone, it is gone.

is there an issue with that?

i didn't think so, but thank you for your platitudes on the responsibilities of a parent.

I suspect most here would disagree, but then they are generally on their second kick at the can passing judgements on the children of their newly acquired "families"

Edited August 30, 2013 by GirlDrinkDrunk

[Ulic]

You are being more than generous. A 10,000 baht budget for a cell phone is more than adequate. As for the bike, you bought her

brother one when he was in university why is she getting one at 14 years of age? Driving is quite dangerous here and I think a little

older maybe 16 is more appropriate. Also if the law says 110cc, has that been explained to her. That said I think you are talking about

the Honda mini similar to the KSR 110 but a little more cc and shifting.Very cool bike. It would take her a day to learn to shift

but for me the big thing is it is against the law and she is young.

However I think her refusal to settle is very mature. I hate the opposite were people take it because they are not paying for it so its

free for them. Offer some incentive that makes you happy. 1000 baht increase in phone budget for every A in each course in school

or something like that. As for scooter, tell her she will get the one she wants when she starts university. One thing about that Honda

is there is a waiting list to get one at most dealerships and it is not really built for more than one person. Two girls no problem but

at least you will not get 3-4 people on it at once.

[GirlDrinkDrunk]

Times like this I am happy she is a stepdaughter not my flesh and blood.

Nice parent you are.

Treat all your children the same.

Don't give a bike to a 14 year old

If she want a more expensive item let her work / do chores, to earn the rest of the money.

this line is the crux of it. and i bet the child knows it. with family you are either in or you are out, you don't get to cherry pick your moments

[ppmacready]

sounds like both of you want to control her fate. I personally admire the kid for knowing what she wants.

I must be doing some thing wrong then!

Cos my daughter who is 10, knows what the word ''no'' means.

Finishes the food on her plate.

Keeps her room clean and tidy.

Exercises 12 hours a week with Taekwondo, Yoga,Running and Dancing .

And ''wants'' to be a vet.

Watches Tv and plays on the internet approx 30 mins a day.

She wakes up happy and goes to sleep happy 29 out of 30 days.

I'm repeatedly told ''wait until shes 15, thats when the trouble will start!''

For some parents I'm sure it must!

[DraxNet]

You are the cheap Charlie who would rather see your step kid have no phone or transportation to save a few bucks you don't even need and since your friends and neighbors know it's nonsense have to try and gain sympathy on the internet from random strangers ........ who is the one cutting the nose off ? her ? or you ? ........... you are the one who is refusing to give your step kid a decent product you can easily afford so you look like a cheap Charlie douchebag ..... and you are ....... It's you who is cutting your own nose off to spite your own face because you are wanting to save a couple of bucks you don't need to look like and be a douchebag parent instead and the only hope in hell of getting anyone to side with you is on the internet.

With the number of occasions the word 'douchebag' is used I would suspect that said 14 yr old stepdaughter has found the OP?

"No, I work here and my wife is English. I don't want a pingpong show and I'm *not* Russian."

[luckyluke]

she would have to earn the extra her self,

Be careful with this, the OP stepdaughter is 14, and apparently is not happy with things which not suit her. Just hope she is not ready to do "everything" to obtain what she wants.

A good guidance with a good talk from the mama and the OP seems to be appropriate here.

[somtampet]

My stepson is 12 and his mum bought a blackberry for him,think it was half amonths wage to her.

He is on the damned thing 24/7 lying face down on the bed all day,playing with the phone.Made him very lazy and would NEVER suggest to anybody to buy son or daughter a smart phone. He sneaked it out of the house to take it school and got caught using it in the classroom so the teacher has it now,but told him to get it back today,unless he has had it nicked and too scared to tell me,anything is possible with him,at the moment,his growth hormones have made him stupid lol.

btw

I say stepson but not legaly,diod u legaly do the stepson bit or not

[NoshowJones]

IMO I think that you should have told her that if she wanted a phone that

cost more that 10,000 Baht, she would have to earn the extra her self,

the same goes for the motor bike.

No. the same does not go for the motorbike, she is underage.

[somtampet]

she would have to earn the extra her self,

Be careful with this, the OP stepdaughter is 14, and apparently is not happy with things which not suit her. Just hope she is not ready to do "everything" to obtain what she wants.

A good guidance with a good talk from the mama and the OP seems to be appropriate here.

WHAT THE HELL ARE U SUGGESTING ????

[Eleodel]

I am a bit surprised by the sense of entitlement of some people, be they thread posters or their families.

To what exactly is a child entitled for having a mother who has sex with you?

I had many stepparents (on both sides) and none of them ever gave me the time of day, much less presents!!! And I certainly never expected them to!!

[luckyluke]

WHAT THE HELL ARE U SUGGESTING ????

What the hell are you thinking??