step daughter and logic

[transam]

When I think back to when I was 15, wanted a bike . After school went to an engineering workshop and operated a lathe to buy that bike, l did. NOW, a job to get kids out of bed cos ma & pa AND gran ma & gran pa must give. Very sad.

[Sophon]

I thought this was one of the stupidest posts I have read on TV:

sounds like both of you want to control her fate. I personally admire the kid for knowing what she wants.

Until it was almost immediately topped by this gem:

You are the cheap Charlie who would rather see your step kid have no phone or transportation to save a few bucks you don't even need and since your friends and neighbors know it's nonsense have to try and gain sympathy on the internet from random strangers ........ who is the one cutting the nose off ? her ? or you ? ........... you are the one who is refusing to give your step kid a decent product you can easily afford so you look like a cheap Charlie douchebag ..... and you are ....... It's you who is cutting your own nose off to spite your own face because you are wanting to save a couple of bucks you don't need to look like and be a douchebag parent instead and the only hope in hell of getting anyone to side with you is on the internet.

Since when are a 10,000 baht phone and a Honda Wave not "decent products"?

Sophon

Edited August 29, 2013 by Sophon

[ABCer]

My oldest stepdaughter wanted a phone, she got one, about 1100 baht if I recall.

The younger stepdaughter also got one because her big sister had one. Again about 1100 baht.

Two months later, one is broken and the other was 'stolen'. Both because some 'friends' did it.

That was about 2 years ago, no phones (out of my pocket) since and nobody is complaining.

If you give kids expensive shit, you are a mug. Grown up's expectation of having iPhone's and iPad's and all that other techy <deleted> that 'friends' can't live without is bad enough without starting the kids on that track.

My wife's daughter kept having phones stolen , her father kept replacing them. Turned out she was selling them to get a later model.

Ha-ha-ha. Cute!. I wonder what the money went for? Brats!

[ABCer]

OP, beg your pardon, your 14 yo stepdaughter is a brat. And if you cannot change this, - she is already a completely formed brat. Expect more in the future.

Sorry for being harsh and blunt.

[Gsxrnz]

Being a kid is tough these days with all the gadgets and peer pressure. I remember my (excellent) parents telling me stuff like "when they were my age they had to walk bare feet and carry their shoes to school to save wear and tear".

I swore from the age of twelve that I would never say "when I was your age....." to my kids.

In a typically cyclical manner, I recall vividly the first time I said "when I was your age....." to my oldest boy.

He was seven and wanted a $2,000 drum kit instead of the $150 second hand one I was prepared to buy. He got sick of beating on pillows and buckets after a week and was as chuffed as Ringo Star when he got his hands on the cheap set.

As a parent, "when I was your age...." became my catchall phrase that I still use even though they're now young adults.

My parents were truly wise people.

[LuukKoeyKorat]

ABCers last comment is spot on as far as I'm concerned - the daughter already has an attitude because 'second best' is not good enough for her *sigh* I think OP is absolutely doing the right thing.

Mr RealDeal obviously only ever buys the 'real deal' ie prefers to spend more than is necessary in the circumstances. Possibly foolish, probably misguided. :-)

[AnotherOneAmerican]

ABCers last comment is spot on as far as I'm concerned - the daughter already has an attitude because 'second best' is not good enough for her *sigh* I think OP is absolutely doing the right thing.

Mr RealDeal obviously only ever buys the 'real deal' ie prefers to spend more than is necessary in the circumstances. Possibly foolish, probably misguided. :-)

Giving money away to other men's children seems a little bit daft to me.

[transam]

ABCers last comment is spot on as far as I'm concerned - the daughter already has an attitude because 'second best' is not good enough for her *sigh* I think OP is absolutely doing the right thing.

Mr RealDeal obviously only ever buys the 'real deal' ie prefers to spend more than is necessary in the circumstances. Possibly foolish, probably misguided. :-)

But the money is not coming from her, is it. Somebody else's money. Yes/No. ....Is that good teaching. Yes/No.

[Pacificperson]

It can be about power and checking to see how much control they can have. It sounds as if you are on the right track. The first time she refused and did not get what she wanted. The second time, she learned and said that she would think about it.

Keep the rudder over hard and she will come around.

[CharlieH]

What I did was always tell them I could help with half, they would have to get the other half and I would create work/ jobs etc for them to earn the balance to get what they wanted.

Right or wrong it worked for me, they understood things dont come free because of a "want", a "need" gets priority and a want is worked for.

[bunta71]

You are the cheap Charlie who would rather see your step kid have no phone or transportation to save a few bucks you don't even need and since your friends and neighbors know it's nonsense have to try and gain sympathy on the internet from random strangers ........ who is the one cutting the nose off ? her ? or you ? ........... you are the one who is refusing to give your step kid a decent product you can easily afford so you look like a cheap Charlie douchebag ..... and you are ....... It's you who is cutting your own nose off to spite your own face because you are wanting to save a couple of bucks you don't need to look like and be a douchebag parent instead and the only hope in hell of getting anyone to side with you is on the internet.

Your a dick.

I totally agree with the Op about making sure teenagers understand the value of things. Thailand and the world in general is getting f@#ked up by people who are ignorant and think money is the be all and end all of happiness.

Sent from my i-mobile i-STYLE Q6

People who tell it like it is are always called dicks ....it's you're not your btw .... it's not about money it's about quality and nice things , it's just that quality and nice things cost more and the op and I guess you and other posters are to cheap to care about that when it comes to your Thai step kids ..... if that makes you sleep better at night fine by me.

...It's "too cheap", not "to cheap", btw... Edited August 29, 2013 by bunta71

[ABCer]

You are the cheap Charlie who would rather see your step kid have no phone or transportation to save a few bucks you don't even need and since your friends and neighbors know it's nonsense have to try and gain sympathy on the internet from random strangers ........ who is the one cutting the nose off ? her ? or you ? ........... you are the one who is refusing to give your step kid a decent product you can easily afford so you look like a cheap Charlie douchebag ..... and you are ....... It's you who is cutting your own nose off to spite your own face because you are wanting to save a couple of bucks you don't need to look like and be a douchebag parent instead and the only hope in hell of getting anyone to side with you is on the internet.

Your a dick.

I totally agree with the Op about making sure teenagers understand the value of things. Thailand and the world in general is getting f@#ked up by people who are ignorant and think money is the be all and end all of happiness.

Sent from my i-mobile i-STYLE Q6

People who tell it like it is are always called dicks ....it's you're not your btw .... it's not about money it's about quality and nice things , it's just that quality and nice things cost more and the op and I guess you and other posters are to cheap to care about that when it comes to your Thai step kids ..... if that makes you sleep better at night fine by me.

My wife is CHEAP.My stepson has grown into a fine young man.

kennedy, do not denigrate yourself and/or your wife. You are not CHEAP. Being thrifty, economical and sensible does not make you cheap. I have noticed here a certain RealDeal 'expensive' member who sounds quite abusive in his posts to other members. He does not see how he lowers himself by doing this. Most likely he does not lower himself - just a really cheap creature with lots of money. He should try to put more sense and real care and love in his family life instead of shoving money into every opening. His kids (most likely not his) will grow up brats. Although he never wrote anything rude about me he does it to others and I hate seeing this. Waiting to see his reaction!

[MAJIC]

There is no logic in ending up with nothing,just because she wanted to compromise her parents into giving her what she wanted,and nothing less. Give in to this type of demand and you will forever be doing her bidding,this is how control freaks get started!

[LuukKoeyKorat]

Yes, absolutely..working and saving the money yourself would be the best lesson, but maybe opportunities don't exist for her to earn..? OP offered to help out and was rejected outright. She loses as she still hasn't got what she desires. If she thinks about it she'll realise she burnt a bridge...and might learn from it?

ABCers last comment is spot on as far as I'm concerned - the daughter already has an attitude because 'second best' is not good enough for her *sigh* I think OP is absolutely doing the right thing.

Mr RealDeal obviously only ever buys the 'real deal' ie prefers to spend more than is necessary in the circumstances. Possibly foolish, probably misguided. :-)

But the money is not coming from her, is it. Somebody else's money. Yes/No. ....Is that good teaching. Yes/No.

[WonnabeBiker]

You are the cheap Charlie who would rather see your step kid have no phone or transportation to save a few bucks you don't even need and since your friends and neighbors know it's nonsense have to try and gain sympathy on the internet from random strangers ........ who is the one cutting the nose off ? her ? or you ? ........... you are the one who is refusing to give your step kid a decent product you can easily afford so you look like a cheap Charlie douchebag ..... and you are ....... It's you who is cutting your own nose off to spite your own face because you are wanting to save a couple of bucks you don't need to look like and be a douchebag parent instead and the only hope in hell of getting anyone to side with you is on the internet.

Your a dick.

I totally agree with the Op about making sure teenagers understand the value of things. Thailand and the world in general is getting f@#ked up by people who are ignorant and think money is the be all and end all of happiness.

Sent from my i-mobile i-STYLE Q6

People who tell it like it is are always called dicks ....it's you're not your btw .... it's not about money it's about quality and nice things , it's just that quality and nice things cost more and the op and I guess you and other posters are to cheap to care about that when it comes to your Thai step kids ..... if that makes you sleep better at night fine by me.

[WonnabeBiker]

I'm seconding the OP, as there is more to it than just a 16,000 Baht smart phone. Have you added the cost of a flat-rate data plan for the next 3 years?!? It's obscene to pay this kind of money to please a 14 y.o. who likely hasn't earned 100 Baht in her life. Instead, I would buy her the Skype Thailand flatrate and let her call all her friends for hours each day - from the computer at home.

Moreover, the Honda Wave is a solid bike - unlike some fancy "KSR" minibike or whatever she desires. Again, I would not let a 14 y.o. girl make such decisions, especially if she hasn't ridden a motorcycle with a clutch or a driving license. (Can her mother please tell her not to ride on the wrong side of the road? It's shocking how many Thais do that even on busy highways).

Yours truly bought a new phone last month - a Nokia for 720 B. To surf the WWW or to use Twitter etc., I use a regular notebook costing less than 5,000 Baht used. // A relative will soon become a twen. She plays truant, gets bad grades (to get her to progress to M6 was a nail biting experience). This lady won't hold down a job, any job for a fortnight. And there will be mom as long as mom lives. then what?!?

Do you really want to have demanding female drones who expect to get their smartphone replaced annually, because their parents can afford that?! A good data plan costs at least 10,000 Baht p.a. While there will be both, wifi and a spare computer for her at home?

Sorry, I would only buy her a normal phone and offer her only the sensible Honda Wave. (Have you seen how teens destroy bikes by customizing them stupidly?!?)

Once the young lady is earning her own money, she can buy the I-Phone 11 and anything else she can afford.

[benalibina]

Interesting topic, i agree with the posters who state that buying things upon kids desires brings nothing and eventually let the kid become a spoiled brat. That is responsible parenting. Anyone who states otherwise, well......... good luck !

[tingtong]

When I was 14 (in America), I wanted these pair of sneakers that all the other kids had (Converse All-Stars). My parents refused and bought me a cheapo pair of K-mart specials. Didn't go over well with the other kids at all. That really, really pissed me off. It's amazing how we remember these things.

been in similar shoes (pun intended)

only that parents wouldnt even consider a Nike/Adidas shoes, and i had to accept that we cant afford it.

did some summer jobs, and end of summer i could afford it, everyone happy.

recent times:

we have some mushrooms, and a 11 yrs old son.

have a deal in place: he bicycle around the near by villages ( we live out on the sticks) to sell the mushroom, and he can keep 10%-15%. works for him, works for us. some good day he makes 40-50thb, and most importantly be outside, move some, and not the least importantly learns some basics of business!

he says that some of his classmate make more cutting sugarcane (11yrs old!) in the season than he does. now, call now competitive thinking!!

told he to hold on, next march we have some sugarcane ready, he can give a hand

i think you do great, set a budget for the kid(stepdaughter), she can either love it or leave it. you need to stick to your ground, and just send her to the garden to check up on the money tree...oh, there isnt one?

tough life, kiddo.

today's world just so materialistic, and for what? i dont own a phone that half the functions i wouldnt care, and that would feed my family for a month, so shouldnt have the 14 yrs old stepdaugher of yours!

[yourauntbob]

If it was my kid she would have a second hand 1000 baht phone and a bicycle to get around. Maybe it is how I was raised.

I remember when I had just graduated from college and was working my first job. Things were really tight and i was living in a different city from my parents. I sent an email to my dad.

Me:

Dad, things are kind of tight right now and I could use some extra money. Can you put a few bucks in my bank account for me.

Within an hour I get the following email back, it was one sentence.

Dad:

"Tell me how much you need so I know how hard to laugh"

[NanLaew]

I (partly) sponsor my two 'stepdaughters' education. They aren't my wife's offspring btw, but the orphans of my wife's older sister who died of cancer rather young. The older one is bright and gets great grades whereas the young one is as thick as a post. My wife (Auntie) despairs for the younger one as being the candidate for early pregnancy and the low life. My money is on the smart one to discover boys first (if she hasn't already) and fall at the first hurdle.

[Songhua]

Fourteen year olds can be very stubborn.

It is much more convenient for her to be able to tell her friends that her (step)father will not buy her a phone (not exactly true, but that's what she'll say) than it is to (in her teenage mind) be ridiculed for having something untrendy.

The fact that half of those peers might have even less trendy phones is beside the point in her way of looking at it.

Nevertheless, if you've told her once that she can't have it, you have made your decision and need to stick to your guns - regardless of whether the phone is worth 1,000 or 50,000. That's not the point. A teen with a win or two under their belt will start to believe they're invincible. The more they get, the more they expect.

Please note I'm not putting down your stepdaughter in any way - I'm sure she's a lovely kid. In fact, she sounds quite normal!

[Indrid Cold]

My GFs daughter wanted an iphone i gave her my galaxy mini and bought a new 2000 bath phone for me, she is very happy with the galaxy mini and i have a phone that does what i want it to. She wanted a new zoomer x i bought a second hand fino for our family, she thinks im a super guy supplying a decent motorbike for us and there was some bath over for an old rx 100 to me. Now she wants an ipad, I am thinking about giving her a cheaper pad on her bithday next month, im pretty sure she will appreciate it. It is not about being cheap, she is still a rather good 15 year old and i will not spoil her into a brat.

[harryfrompattaya]

A 14 year old should have 1500 baht cell phone, if any, and should not be allowed to drive. I would say she is helping you out, with her attitude.

You are the Farang and she sees you as ATM

[RaysFan]

In my opinion OP has already been EXTREMELY generous... Its too bad the family doesnt see this. OP doesnt mention how long hes been in the family though, this plays a big factor. I think buying the college kid a scooter to get around on is great. But the 14 year old daughter???? I wouldnt even offer. Sorry. If the mother wants to get her one, than have her spend her money, or get money from her family (also depending on how long OP has been in the family). 10,000 baht for a 14 year olds cell phone is plenty too. If she wants a more expensive one... Again, have her family pony up the extra cash.... I would make sure the mother explained this to the child how generous the OP is already.

[Roadman]

ABCers last comment is spot on as far as I'm concerned - the daughter already has an attitude because 'second best' is not good enough for her *sigh* I think OP is absolutely doing the right thing.

Mr RealDeal obviously only ever buys the 'real deal' ie prefers to spend more than is necessary in the circumstances. Possibly foolish, probably misguided. :-)

Giving money away to other men's children seems a little bit daft to me.

Not if the child's father has split the scene for good and that child longs for a Dad. Then you would not believe how far from daft that providing sensible needs is. I would suggest that in some cases where a child longs for a Dad like their friends have, the rewards can be equal to or greater than what a Dad could experience with his own bloodlines.

[Roadman]

At 14 my partners daughter came to live with us. We brought new as money is not a problem. But we only provided her needs like school uniforms and some basic clothes and not her wants. Only expensive gift she received at that time was a ฿3500 cellphone more for our piece of mind so that she could contact us when she needed a ride home. She started work in Thai restaurants waiting tables at 15 on weekend nights and school holidays to have her own money and apart from a blow out early on with her new found wealth soon settled into saving most of what she earned. Somewhere along the path to 18, the fabled rich Falang that would buy her everything instead was just there for her, and turned out to be the Dad she never had. For doing well at school (at 14 when she arrived her English was zilch) and obtaining university entrance I brought her a Sony Laptop and went halves with her in an IPhone.

Now at 20 and at university she still works waiting tables in Thai resturants to minimize the size of her student debt. Apart from a load of groceries and still basic needs like linen etc. the only hand out she plays from us when we go to see her is for a restaurant meal where she lovingly always forgot to bring her wallet at bill time. And this is a young lass who loves her Dad (step) to bits for setting bounds from day 1.

[Roadman]

At 14, the stepdaughter is going to try to work the system to get what she wants or what her friends tell her she wants. Her attitude toward material things and how to get them, will be shaped over the next few years by you and her mother. The kids try to play daddy against mother, pouting, threatening, screaming, silent treatment, etc

Set the rules/conditions, keep them fair, be consiistent, and hang on for the ride.If you and her mother work together, the finished product (maturity) could be your pride and joy.

That was the post I was trying to find to put the above reply to. Well said and very true.

[TheSpade]

No need for a 14 year old to have a 10k smart phone especially in Thailand.

I'm twice that age and my Samsung smart phone cost around 4,000B (though bought back home) less than a year ago new.

Still works fine.

Can do everything every other smart phone can do.

[GirlDrinkDrunk]

sounds like both of you want to control her fate. I personally admire the kid for knowing what she wants.

To ride a bike illegally. .....................Gawd 'elp us.................

i didn't say i would give it to her. I said i admire her for sticking to her guns.

Also, i have no idea where this takes place, but where i come from alot of rural kids are driving and riding dirt bikes etc at 12-13 years old.

[GirlDrinkDrunk]

No need for a 14 year old to have a 10k smart phone especially in Thailand.

I'm twice that age and my Samsung smart phone cost around 4,000B (though bought back home) less than a year ago new.

Still works fine.

Can do everything every other smart phone can do.

can it now?