Is your Thai GF/Wife also your best friend?

[maxman71]

In many cases you don't find that someone; she finds you.

Sent from my GT-I9100 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

Yes. Instinctually women are able to sense a compatible partner and maneuver their way too meet up with him when he unknowingly captures her attention in the course of every day life. This is not to say women won't stay a time with some bloke who presses himself on her if she finds him entertaining, mysterious, famous or financially beneficial. Once they satisfy their curiosity or have drunk their way through his wallet with such a bloke, they disappear like a fart in the wind.

[Southerndrawl]

My best friend is still back in sweden. The gf i have now is very much on friendship, helping each other basis. I doubt that she would still be the same friend to me if we break up but to me it is always like that thai or not. People just goes different ways. It would be a great loss to me though loosing my gf since she is a goverment official and that is very convenient many times, i wish there was more love involved on both sides but i guess i can not have everything, at least not now.

To the OP. You should never have been supporting her in the first place. Helping her, yes, but actually supporting her, no way. When I decided I wanted to live in Thailand after a few holidays in the country, I admit that eventually, I started looking for a wife, I dated market girls, shop girls etc, before I met my wife. Any girl I married, had to be working and have her own money, there was no way I was going to support either her, her family, or her parents, help them from time to time financially, yes, but completely support them? No chance. I have been with my wife for eight years now, she has her money, and I have mine.

You must be a handsome charming dashing young man to find a self-supporting woman. I am none of those.

As for me, I would be happy again to support a partner, but I make sure they dont try to bankrupt me.

[sunnyk]

Yes, be strong and get over it. It as only an empty one sided relationship based on financial needs. You deserve better.

[NoshowJones]

My best friend is still back in sweden. The gf i have now is very much on friendship, helping each other basis. I doubt that she would still be the same friend to me if we break up but to me it is always like that thai or not. People just goes different ways. It would be a great loss to me though loosing my gf since she is a goverment official and that is very convenient many times, i wish there was more love involved on both sides but i guess i can not have everything, at least not now.

To the OP. You should never have been supporting her in the first place. Helping her, yes, but actually supporting her, no way. When I decided I wanted to live in Thailand after a few holidays in the country, I admit that eventually, I started looking for a wife, I dated market girls, shop girls etc, before I met my wife. Any girl I married, had to be working and have her own money, there was no way I was going to support either her, her family, or her parents, help them from time to time financially, yes, but completely support them? No chance. I have been with my wife for eight years now, she has her money, and I have mine.

You must be a handsome charming dashing young man to find a self-supporting woman. I am none of those.

As for me, I would be happy again to support a partner, but I make sure they dont try to bankrupt me.

Handsome, maybe. Charming, maybe. Dashing??? Where to? Young, not really. Lets just say, tall, slim, all my own hair and teeth, no tattoos, no facial hair, and definitely not rich. But seriously, supporting her is OK if you choose to be a family man, and she has your kids.

[flyingdoc]

Very interesting topic and wide variety of replies.

I had a Thai g/f, literally as a friend. We hung out together at the gym, travelling around, shared driving, until her family had a car accident in BKK. They were not properly insured and after the loss of the car, could not get to work. She asked to borrow my car which was all the way down on Samui. I drove it up, met her on the outskirts of BKK, so she could drive the last few miles into the centre. Then erupted out of nowhere, the most incredible one-sided tirade about farangs and their meanness in not helping Thais who were less well off than they were, and ended up with her driving into a hotel car park, hailing a taxi and disappearing into the night. This was all brought about by my running out of cash to pay for the last round of petrol, and she was forced to phone a member of her family in order to draw cash. I was left in a city which I did not know well, could not read the road signs, did not even know what part of the City I was actually in! I only had a few baht until my flight home. My credit card had been blocked on the eve of my departure from London when I queried a transaction I did not recognise, and it turned out indeed to be fraudulent, but it prevented me from drawing any cash whilst out in Thailand for a month !

I had some credit on my phone, called up someone I scarcely knew, and they came out and rescued me, apologised for the unforgivable behaviour of one of their countrymen, put me up, paid for meals and delivered me to Suvarnabhumi. and even stored my car safely for 2 months until I returned !

Unbelievably, after 6 months, I heard from the originall g/f as if nothing whatever had happened, and she would love to meet up again and resume our friendship. I am NOT talking about a bar girl here, but someone from a family who are far better off than me, and their car was one I could never possiby have afforded back in the U.K !

[smotherb]

I am impressed. One whole page of comments on Falang/Thai realtionships and only one centered on money. Perhaps there is hope for the lot of you.

[smotherb]

Spoke too soon, second page full of those types of comments--tsk, tsk.

[flyingdoc]

I don't think this was solely money based. It was a deep-rooted resentment against a farang custom of not wanting to support their whole family, take them all out for meals and generally lavish attention and munifence around.

I first met her family some time ago, when they wanted to get involved in the supplemental healthcare industry, and distribute one or two of my Anti-aging medical (AAM) products in Thailand. I flew into Don Mueang from Samui via the Suratthani route. They met me, and astonishingly put me up in a 5* hotel, then drove me out to dinner at a lovely restaurant some way out of BKK, at which no fewer than 16 members of the family were there to greet me. The next morning they insisted on collecting me and driving me to Suvarnabhumi for my flight back to the U.K. I admit that it was my deep regret that I could not repay like for like, as my self funded research in AAM and certain aspects of cancer, means that I could never repay hospitality on that scale!

[robertson468]

My best friend is still back in sweden. The gf i have now is very much on friendship, helping each other basis. I doubt that she would still be the same friend to me if we break up but to me it is always like that thai or not. People just goes different ways. It would be a great loss to me though loosing my gf since she is a goverment official and that is very convenient many times, i wish there was more love involved on both sides but i guess i can not have everything, at least not now.

To the OP. You should never have been supporting her in the first place. Helping her, yes, but actually supporting her, no way. When I decided I wanted to live in Thailand after a few holidays in the country, I admit that eventually, I started looking for a wife, I dated market girls, shop girls etc, before I met my wife. Any girl I married, had to be working and have her own money, there was no way I was going to support either her, her family, or her parents, help them from time to time financially, yes, but completely support them? No chance. I have been with my wife for eight years now, she has her money, and I have mine.

Nearly same, same - she has her money and she has mine! only joking Folks (please don't beat me AGAIN Khunie).

[bf2002]

HI,

I've had an ex-wife and an ex-fiance who were both my best friends. This is how it's supposed to be for Westerners.

However, the truth is that looking back it is clear their best friends were always some other Thai girl and of coarse they always loved their family more than you, though Westerners tend to love their romantic partners more as I did.

I love Thailand and Thai girls but the truth is that they do not make very good wives. They don't give their fair share into the relationship, and I'm not including the money part her either, just about the friendship and love.

ABC

[ancsika2]

"My ex gf decided that if I was no longer willing to support her, she was not going to have anything to do with me any more, which evidently meant she was really not my friend to begin with"

You said it all. She doesn't deserve you. Move on and find someone decent who is not going to leave you if you don't support her.

[Southerndrawl]

HI,

I've had an ex-wife and an ex-fiance who were both my best friends. This is how it's supposed to be for Westerners.

However, the truth is that looking back it is clear their best friends were always some other Thai girl and of coarse they always loved their family more than you, though Westerners tend to love their romantic partners more as I did.

I love Thailand and Thai girls but the truth is that they do not make very good wives. They don't give their fair share into the relationship, and I'm not including the money part her either, just about the friendship and love.

ABC

So whats in it for us?

[Aussieroaming]

Yes definitely

[hansnl]

A (Thai) friend, 68 years, had a very good position in the police force.

He declared to me out of the bottom of his heart:

"In Thailand you have no friends, only people who act as friends as long as they have use of you"

My wife, also Thai, agrees woth him, and so do I

And yes, he is a friend, he has nothing to gain from me.

[Southerndrawl]

A (Thai) friend, 68 years, had a very good position in the police force.

He declared to me out of the bottom of his heart:

"In Thailand you have no friends, only people who act as friends as long as they have use of you"

My wife, also Thai, agrees woth him, and so do I

And yes, he is a friend, he has nothing to gain from me.

Yes but do you consider your wife your best friend? And would you consider yourself hers after being married to you? I understand friendship means a different thing in Thailand.

[Naam]

I think, partners in Farang/Thai relationships in general spend much more time together that other non-mixed couples.

This is because, we Farangs are basically "lost", when we live in Thailand and the Thais are "lost" if they move to our country. We get dependent on each other i daily life, which automatically brings people closer.

So I think many Farang/Thai relationships are very close, which is good and bad at the same time. I also think many relationships stop, because the partners simply are too much together and things become too intense.

Farang/Thai relationships require more time together. it takes ages for a Farang to make his/her Thai partner understand the question "what's for supper today?" and it takes ages for the Thai to make her/his partner to understand the answer "fish, chips and prik nam pla." as simple as that.

no offense meant!

[ChiangMaiPigFarmer]

I think in Thailand it is the foreigners that become "friends" who are more often "what's in it for me" than the Thai ladies. With Thai ladies you know before you ever start what most likely is going to be, with foreigners you are never sure of their motivations.

I have been (mostly) happy in my married life for seven plus years. My wife and I do a side business together and spend friendship time together.

I think based on our small village and other Thai people that I have talked with, that the level of compassion is much lower in Thailand than in other places I have been. If I relate to my wife or her family thinking about compassion (not passion) I often times do not like her/them but would say I have always loved her and accept her family for what they are. They are not driven for a better tomorrow but more content with what is today.

Understanding, not always accepting, the differences of culture has given me the ability to stay in the marriage even when times were tough. It is when I put expectations on my wife that we get into trouble

[DrTuner]

Hell no. You don't go to bed with your best friends. Dearly beloved enemy is more like it.

[umbanda]

You don't marry someone you can live with, you marry the person who you cannot live without .Sometimes I think my wife is so amazing that I don't know why she is with me. I don't know whether I'm good enough. But if I make her happy, then I'm everything I want to be. My wife is everything to me . Life is good with her.

Yes the hard part is finding that someone...

Everything that is easy to find it is easy to loose....

[sunnyk]

You don't marry someone you can live with, you marry the person who you cannot live without .Sometimes I think my wife is so amazing that I don't know why she is with me. I don't know whether I'm good enough. But if I make her happy, then I'm everything I want to be. My wife is everything to me . Life is good with her.

Very well said!

[SinglePot]

"Im shocked that although I did not care for her so much emotionally, I still feel like I have lost my best friend."

?

[Thai at Heart]

Yes. Genuinely she has a wicked sense of humour. She makes me giggle out loud more than anyone I've ever met.

[seancbk]

I've only had one Thai girlfriend (for 3.5 years), she was (is) an alcoholic psycho bar girl.

I'm still friends with her although I see less of her as time goes on (I left her almost 2 years ago)

I am friends with all my ex girlfriends and keep in touch with most of them on Facebook, some going back over 20 years to when I was a teenager.

I don't get why you'd not be friends with someone just because you aren't sleeping with them anymore.....

[Khunangkaro]

My wife is beyond that qualification.

Keeping up with old relations would be impractical. If it was not because of distance or time, then the former or new one, neither me would have little interest to continue as friends.

Something different: There was a time I had four/five ladies as intimate friends but not under one roof. Could party together. Could be intimate with all the same day but not the same time.

Could have a friendly chat with old spouses/friends if met

.

Edited September 1, 2013 by Khunangkaro

[arthurwait]

Perhaps , maybe, not sure.

Started as friends at university 13 years ago, I was seeing someone-else at the time. Met her through my housemate another Thai at the same university who I would say is my best friend in Thailand. The line where friends became a relationship is blurred.

If a relationship is going to work your wife should be a best friend , but you always need other best friends to get away with and have a break or someone to talk to on down patches. This is why you don't choose a partner on looks alone, but things in common and a similar intellect.

Edited September 1, 2013 by arthurwait

[mjakob1900]

I think, partners in Farang/Thai relationships in general spend much more time together that other non-mixed couples.

This is because, we Farangs are basically "lost", when we live in Thailand and the Thais are "lost" if they move to our country. We get dependent on each other i daily life, which automatically brings people closer.

So I think many Farang/Thai relationships are very close, which is good and bad at the same time. I also think many relationships stop, because the partners simply are too much together and things become too intense.

cant agree with you, any further.

its that lost feeling that makes farang to rely of their partner so much.

its just not for thais, applies to most expats in developing countries

[senor123]

My best friend was my avatar, Joey, until he died in January. Now my best friend is my 13 year old Golden Lab, Buffy. My wife and I seem to have enjoyed aggravating each other over the last 14 years of our marriage and it continues on a daily basis.

My Thai missus told me that most Thais also believe their dog is their best friend. Non judgemental, always happy to see you, never grumpy at certain times of the month, don't drink, don't gamble and will always return after seeing that bitch down the road. I am with you.

[itsrebel]

"My ex gf decided that if I was no longer willing to support her, she was not going to have anything to do with me any more, which evidently meant she was really not my friend to begin with"

You said it all. She doesn't deserve you. Move on and find someone decent who is not going to leave you if you don't support her.

Agree! it seems it was merely sex and companionship for a "fee". Companionship can also be faked as easily as an orgasm, I believe.

Move on dude!

[bangarang]

No money no honey.

[bra]

Looking back on it the underlying reason why my marriage of 25 years failed because my wife (not Thai) and I stopped being best friends. Love may change but if friendship ceases that's about it. My Thai lady and I have known each other for 8 years and have been best friends for the last 5 years and are about to be married.

I financially supported my first wife completely for the first 15 years of our marriage - that's what men did then as she had no income as she stayed home to raise our children. I have supported my Thai GF as she went to University and will continue to do so after we are married.

Some of you no doubt think differently about support - but if you are not prepared to then think again before you marry. For a successful marriage mutual support respect friendship and love are absolutely necessary.