Honest advice needed.

[Harra]

Hi all,

I would be most grateful if I could get some advice from a Thai woman’s perspective.

In so many forums throughout the internet I have found only bitter Farangs giving destructive advice about relationships with Thai women.

I am already embarrassed about asking this question, and I am prepared to receive a lot of flak for even asking this. However, my girlfriend and I have been together for about three years. I have met her family, and her two daughters about two years ago (youngest is now 9 and the oldest almost 12). I love them more than anything in this world, and I know the children love me so much. Lately my girlfriend and I have had some difficulties and it has led to some arguments. Now my stupidity and insecurity has got the better of me. I ask, would a Thai woman use her children to scam her Farang boyfriend?

And yes I am feeling ashamed and stupid for asking this.

Thanks

[Gsxrnz]

[Kalbo]

Yes

[Sheryl]

This is a forum for women, not about them. (Most of the rest of TV seems to fill that role already). Moved to "Family and Children" as probnably the best place given the situation you describe.

Might help if you would be more specific regarding the suspected "scam"-ing. Lots of members here with Thai step-children/children of their gfs.

[FiftyTwo]

In any relationship where you are the one with the money.

Spend money on her and the children, but restrict it to little and often.

If you do that, you can't ever be scammed, cheated, tricked, etc.

Any requests for large amounts,

"I'm sorry, I don't have any money to spare at the moment"

"The exchange rate is bad at the moment"

"I'm bringing some money in early next year"

I love my gf and her daughter, I have no problems paying school expenses, about 5k a year for uniforms and books, 50bht/day for dinner/pocket money, but only on days she goes to school.

As a previous poster says, what exactly are you suspicious about?

Edited September 18, 2013 by FiftyTwo

[Harra]

Firstly, my apologies Sheryl for posting in the wrong section.

I have been covering many of her bills since the factory she worked at in Ayutthaya was flooded, I have not minded this. Now she is asking for a large amount of money to open a shop with her brother.

Her Brother is putting in half the cash and she is putting a lot of pressure on me to foot the bill for the other half about $7500. Her concept is so she can earn her own money and look after her family, and I won't have to work so hard to send her money every month. I understand her idea, but is this just to get a large sum of money, knowing the strength and blindness of my love for her and her children?

I guess I just need an outsiders perspective.

Edited September 18, 2013 by Harra

[benalibina]

Follow your instincts.

[Boo]

Has she said you can't see the children if you don't provide the money, has she said she will stop seeing you if you don't provide the money?

i can't really see where she is "scamming" you or using her children to do so.

She has asked for money for a business venture. You will either provide it or not but if you do, understand that it is a gift & you will probably never see it again.

That way if you do split you wont be resentful of the money you gave her.

[Sharp]

Cast iron they would and others if around at the time

Sent from my iPad using ThaiVisa app

[FiftyTwo]

Firstly, my apologies Sheryl for posting in the wrong section.

I have been covering many of her bills since the factory she worked at in Ayutthaya was flooded, I have not minded this. Now she is asking for a large amount of money to open a shop with her brother.

Her Brother is putting in half the cash and she is putting a lot of pressure on me to foot the bill for the other half about $7500. Her concept is so she can earn her own money and look after her family, and I won't have to work so hard to send her money every month. I understand her idea, but is this just to get a large sum of money, knowing the strength and blindness of my love for her and her children?

I guess I just need an outsiders perspective.

Returns on a small shop are notoriously low.

Returns on half a small shop will be lower.

You can rent a shop-front with living quarters above for about 7000bht per month or less everywhere.

I know several ladies in CM that pay rent of 2kbht a month for a hairdressers/food shop with living quarters.

Why not suggest she rents, and provide her with a small amount for start up costs and the monthly rent.

You don't say how much you send her now, but I would think any more than 20kbht a month would be excessive.

The amount she is suggesting (about 450kBht with her brothers share) seems a little excessive to run a small shop in Thailand.

Just say no.

Edited September 18, 2013 by FiftyTwo

[Dr Robert]

Follow you gut feel. If your instincts suggest there is a problem, then you are most probably right. Make the hard call if necessary and walk. There are many other women who could provide you with your emotional and sexual needs without draining your financial resources. Be sensible; the consequences of high moral values which include self consciousness and guilt, especially where little children are concerned, make you ripe for exploitation.

[transam]

OP, stay out of it. As 52 says ''they'' can rent a shop to see how it goes. ''They'' will not shed a tear if it is your cash that is lost in a venture, and for sure if l was going to go with it l would want to see the ''brothers'' money on the table.

[benalibina]

Follow you gut feel. If your instincts suggest there is a problem, then you are most probably right. Make the hard call if necessary and walk. There are many other women who could provide you with your emotional and sexual needs without draining your financial resources. Be sensible; the consequences of high moral values which include self consciousness and guilt, especially where little children are concerned, make you ripe for exploitation.

Thats a sad statement you make, last sentence particularly. Unfortunately, as i am experiencing it myself, it is TRUE !

How do you know it btw ?

[MissFarmGirl]

your girlfriend will do what is best for her family

you might be her boyfriend, but not part of her family

sometimes it takes a long time to do this

sorry but sometime Farang never can do this

good luck all things

[poanoi]

Unless this is an exceptionally splendid biz opportunity,

she will make more money if she get a job and you invest those 225.000 baht into something more secure,

like in a bank account with interest/stocks, in your name, and give her the earnings.

What is your own assessment on this biz to generate money split in half ?

What education and experience /others does she have that makes her competitive ?

either way you are taking all the risk but none of the possible reward, since it ain't in your name.

I have spent the last few years and hundreds of thousands to make my own gf self sustainable btw,

and she is competitive with education and experience in her field,

but i can barely wait for that day to come when she can take care of her self so i can leave.

I never expected that there was going to be in it for me, and i trust and hope you are not expecting

anything in it for yourself either, i see it as a social project, tho i hope my project can be concluded soon.

Edited September 22, 2013 by poanoi

[AlexRRR]

The floods were nearly 2 years ago, still contributing to her life style?

Whats with guys who send an allowance to the part time lover overseas?

My first TGF asked for 3000B once...she had a good reason for it but I thought long and hard for a week before I sent it, I decided once only and only once it was, she never did ask for any money again which was just as well...but of course shes an ex now so keep that in mind when your wiring her the money.

[steve187]

Don't do it

[eezergood]

Ask for a business plan, not being sarcastic. If you can show the returns are low and the business is not viable face & the relationship maybe saved.

[prighas]

Tell her you plan to borrow the money and ask them to pay you back in installments. This is really not for the money but just a test of her 'true' commitment and respect for you. If they can't pay you back (most likely the case) but at least try to, you'd know much about her and her family from this exercise.

[adweb00]

I think the question has been answered i just wanted to add why feel so bad to even ask. Everybody pays no matter where you are in the world just is not hidden in Thailand like western country's

[Bcgardener]

I had a friend who sold a small and viable convenience store business in a full condo building to a Thai girl, all paid for by her Farang boyfriend overseas. She ran it into the ground inside of 2 Months because she couldn't be bothered to get out of bed to open the shop when everyone was leaving for work. I would be very wary of sending any money for a venture that you have no control over. You could suggest that the brother starts the business on a smaller scale with his money and then you use your contribution to expand it after say a Month or two. Their answer to this might give you some idea of how genuine it all is.

By the way, unemployment in Thailand is almost non-existent (less than 2% I think). There are jobs in factories for anyone that wants one. In the Rayong area they are always struggling to get enough factory staff. So why has she been unemployed for 2 years. It just doesn't smell right!

[AlexRRR]

I think the question has been answered i just wanted to add why feel so bad to even ask. Everybody pays no matter where you are in the world just is not hidden in Thailand like western country's

Rubbish

I would like to know why guys are compelled to contribute to there thai lovers, im pretty sure most of those guys wouldn't cough up 7 grand to help out a local gf there dating so why do it where you have absolutely no control or way of knowing that shes genuine.

Power of that exotic pussy?

If you needed to ask you were either doubtful or looking for confirmation on what a great guy you would be to help little lady out.

Hope you don't end up another bitter poster in TV.

[Harra]

Thank-you all for your advice. Some were very helpful, others as I expected not so much. But thank-you all. It has given me much to think about.

[khunpa]

Yes, some Thai-women would use their children to scam a Farang. Some would do ANYTHING to get money out of a Farang, to support their children, mother, father etc. That is also why, some end up as bargirls - because they are prepared to do ANYTHING. So the answer to your question is YES.

But there are also many women - also former bargirls - with good hearts, who are not looking to scam anybody. The only one, who can know what type your girlfriend is, is yourself. You have to look back and think about her personality in general, when it comes to e.g. money and you.

Personally, I think opening a shop is not a good idea, since you are the one who has to do the investment and not her. I would have her take a normal job, save for the shop and then help her out later when she has saved a fair sum. That way, she will also feel more responsible for the shop, as it is her own money invested.

Do not be embarrassed about asking the question. I thing most Farangs living with Thai-women, have asked this question to themselves at some point in their relationship. Especially if they like you are living with a Thai-women that is dependent on your financial support.

[Bluetongue]

Firstly I don't feel comfortable giving you particular advice given that I don't know enough of your situation. Ie where are you working, where did you meet this woman, you love the daughters and they love you - how often do you see them, how do you know?. What is the shop selling, are they buying premises?. Is this money for stock?

General advice is that from my experience lots of people from all walks of life here have money making schemes from opening a noodle shop to building a big high rise. They don't think things out and I have observed their estimation of costs is sometimes poor. So you see a lot of small shops open right next to a whole lot of other small shops selling exactly the same things, and then close. You see half finished building projects a lot and sometimes you see success stories. If you look into success stories you can usually see why, hard work, expertise, weak competition etc

[sasiphak]

Need Honest ?

I hired maid name Joy. I start hire her from 16th July and I stop hire her on 8th October (I open new company and I want my staff to have social insurance then i registered her as my staff in the company).

my spacial Budha Amulet was gone on 27th August. that made me very sad like somebody took my soul out, I look back at maid and in my thought her stolen for sure. but I pretty on her she have 4 child to take care It's really stupid decision.

My husband keep telling me fire her because he saw her carry things out from our house every day. but I told him maybe she carry trash outside. She like to make cake. so exciting to go to the market. always buy things out of my order. the last day on number 7th October I told her buy milk , pork and basil leaf only. Oh..she came with fruit, chicken liver and 2 packs of vegetables. then in evening after she back home I went to check I found Fruit missing and no more pork and left us a little bit of chicken liver.

I decided stop hire her, then we go to check things around house. my husband's expensive perfume some of it volume down for half bottle. some was refill by other cheap perfume.

Now She went to report to labor department (from my stupid registered her in social insurance fund) to force me to pay her 2100 baht for 7 days working (lucky I not put her tip working show on her salary report)

but its effect to my company name as we just start company.

So smart I don't have any prove to arrest her.

Edited October 16, 2013 by Mario2008
naming and shaming not allowed

[rayongchelsea]

Probably no business experience, probably not educated, knows nothing about profit and loss..cash in means cash to spend..

Someone said rent and prove its a viable business model...sounds good to me..

If she gets annoyed or angry..then it's been an invaluable lesson..

Emotional decisions sometimes become irrational ones even though we know that they are..been there..good luck..

No need to be unemployed..

[john1000]

I am no expert on Thai ladies far from it. But the fact you have doubts, is a gut reaction. Follow it.

Despite your commitment to the kids etc. you are not in the same pecking order in the eyes of your Thai family. Keep consistent with your present financial arrangements.

No point in planting the seeds of potential resentment down the line.

[mesquite]

Yes, she loves her kids and family more than she loves you.

Do you really know that her brother is putting up half? How do know that, because she told you?

In the years I've been here, I've had what I considered to be the nicest women, long-term friends I thought -- nothing romantic, try to con me. Certainly girlfriends have tried that as well.

You have to draw the line and where you draw it is up to you. But they will ask keep asking for money in one way or another until it's all gone or until you say no.

Unless, of course, yours "is different"

[mesquite]

the consequences of high moral values which include self consciousness and guilt, especially where little children are concerned, make you ripe for exploitation.

This should be mandatory reading for all farangs entering the kingdom.