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Posted (edited)

I have a 16 year old stepson. We actually get along fine, but still I am pretty worried about him.

The thing is, that he is clearly affected by being raised as a BOY and being completely spoilt rotten by his mother. The guy has no man-power or any ability to stand on his own feet - and I am already now foreseeing having him hanging around forever.

Being a teenager, I would have expected a boy wanting to be a MAN, but all I am seeing is a wimpy kid, that still is fully dependent on his mother. I often wish he would go a bit "crazy" - get drunk with his friends, bring home some girls or just get a job in his spare time. Most of the time however, he just sits at home with his face staring into a computer or his mobile phone.

He is far from a genius at school, which basically means that it is unlikely he will ever get a well-paid job. But he really does not seem to care. I think he expects his mother and I to "save him", when that time comes. I have tried to talk with him several times and also help him with his homework, but he just does not seem to care. The only "teenage" sign I can see in him, is his obvious belief in himself as being perfect and having no problems.

Let me just say, that had it been my own son, then I would have done something really drastic to get this boy to understand that life is not a simple as he thinks it is. But the problem is mainly that he has been raised to think he is special, because he is a boy and his mother has not been strong enough, when raising him. I am actually surprised he has not turned out the be gay or a ladyboy, because there for sure is not much MAN in him. Mentally he sometimes reminds me of a 10 year old. Maybe it is because when I was his age, I was totally different and much more was expected of me.

When I sometimes complain about him, my girlfriend always says that we should be happy he is a good boy, not drinking, not partying etc. But hey, he is 16 years old and should be wanting to do exactly that and other "crazy stuff". Instead he is sitting home, holding his mothers hand and expecting to be serviced by her. I just wish he could be more of a MAN.

What can I expect of future head aches, when it comes to my stepson? What limits should I set, as he gets older?

I will for sure not finance his adult life in anyway and expect him to be able to take care of himself.

Is this overprotective behavior normal towards boys in Thailand? And is it normal that Thai boys are way behind, when it comes to growing up. I have a 15 year old daughter and she is mentally on a complete different stage on basically all levels. She has a plan for her future, is dedicated with her school work and you can have a serious conversation with her. Talking with my stepson, is like communicating with a 10 year old and I wonder if he mentally will get any older than that.

What are your experiences with Thai-boys? Most of his friends (except one) do not seem to be much older or different.

Edited by khunpa
Posted (edited)

" your girlfriend says" ? If she is not your wife he is not your stepson, he acts like most teenage Thai boys

Different culture!

We plan to get married in a couple of months, so I consider him (and have always considered him) to be my stepson.

Yes, I have begun to understand he is properly "normal" when it comes to Thai-boys. And that is what worries me :-) I foresee him coming home every day asking for money and expecting us to take care of him, when he gets older.

Edited by khunpa
Posted

You have to get your misses to understand your point. If she really loves you and her son she must be the 1 to change his attitude. I have experienced same things before with my wifes son, nothing worked. IMO you better have a closer look at your relationship with your future wife. She must come from a humble background with not much education IMO. If she is not willing to listen and act on your logical thoughts about the boys wellbeing and education, well..........not good for you in the long run. Could write many more things but.......... better think twice about marrying. Sorry thats my opinion.

Posted

You have to get your misses to understand your point. If she really loves you and her son she must be the 1 to change his attitude. I have experienced same things before with my wifes son, nothing worked. IMO you better have a closer look at your relationship with your future wife. She must come from a humble background with not much education IMO. If she is not willing to listen and act on your logical thoughts about the boys wellbeing and education, well..........not good for you in the long run. Could write many more things but.......... better think twice about marrying. Sorry thats my opinion.

She fully understands my point and the problem. The problem is that the son does not respect her, because she has been way too good to him all his life. Now that he then has become a teenager, this hits back on her. But she fully understands the problem, she just feels like she is constantly nagging (which she is, because he will not listen to her). I do not want to get involved all the time, so I stay out of most of their arguments, but when I do have enough the boy does listen.

Her son is all my girlfriend has, when it comes to family. So she is not typical Thai that way and this has of course made her overvalue him. That is also understandable, but it is just hitting back on us now and I worry how it will effect us in the future. I love my girlfriend, like I have never loved anyone before in my life so I will for sure marry her. I actually also like the boy and we have a lot of fun together, but I am truly worried of his future. I worry if he will do okay in school, get a job etc. Because looking at him right now, then it does not look promising. Hoping he will change, when he becomes older.

My girlfriend works and has a good job, so she can afford to pay his school (international) and all other expenses related to him. So it is not like I am feeling he is a burden financially. I just hate to see my girlfriend working so hard to e.g. pay his school and then have to constantly be after him for not doing his homework. But I guess many teenagers are like that. However, Thai-boys are for sure very un-mature in my opinion.

Posted

Assume your girlfriend sents him to a school where he is in an english program.If not and he really goes to an international school, well.... she must make a lot of money a year then. Good to read youre really happy with her. Its difficult for her to undo the wrongs of his upbringing. The only thing she needs to do is be consistent with him. This requires conviction on her side that he needs really to alter his behaviour. Does she or is it because you say so ? IMO based upon what you write i would stay well out of it. Only gonna give you headaches. As she pays for it all you dont have to worry about that part. Wish you alot of luck, youll need it.

Posted

Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

Your in a no win situation with your future son-in-law.

I've seen it before.

Boarding school or the army could be a viable solution!

Agree with Benalibina's commentsthumbsup.gif

CCC

Posted

Wherever you're from you're not there anymore. You're in Thailand. It's different. Expecting any Thai to live up to the expectations of where you grew up is simply wasting your time. If you don't understand that then you're going to be a very unhappy man.

Posted

The pity of it all is that staying out, or need to, of the stepkids upbringing is for many the start, on heinsight, of the downfall of the relationship. IMO. Having or raising kids makes the differences, in many cases, clear of cultures. If the thai partner is not able to see that the foreigner is trying to help in the best interest of the kid and/or not be able to change the kids behaviour, well..............chok dee.

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