The irony of the stereotype of foreigner with thai girl relationships

[Bcgardener]

What is this thread "about", exactly?

 

Rugby League in Thailand

Go the "Tahs"

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[animatic]

I never get the 'she's a whore' looks with my wife, she is very pretty, but pretty square too.

But I have more than a few times gotten nasty looks, from both foreigners and thais, when driving my daughter to school, to the store or a work situation she has accompanied me on. They of course don't realises it is our tall, well balanced and studious child, but obviously think I am some leech, who has gotten very lucky with a 19 year old who looks even younger, even if she isn't close to that age.

The foreign men often look jealous, which I find sad,

and the foreign women just look away,

the old Thai men seem to not care,

but the younger ones have commented within my daughters hearing,

and she has often set into them with an acid tongue on occasion.

In some cases introductions are made, and suddenly there is a shift of body language and an almost visible sigh they don't succeed in hiding. Pretty clear what they were thinking till told otherwise.

Sad for sure.

Edited October 13, 2013 by animatic

[bobmac10]

You've got it backwards pal.

i don't know where you got that idea, it seems you just made it up.

In many families, the daughter who goes out to make money to support her brothers and sisters is not shamed at all.

just the opposite.

What a load of twaddle.

open your eyes and ears and talk to Thai people if you can, you'll hear many stories of how one daughter has paid her siblings through school or mothers who raise their kids after the husband has abandoned them.

Of course they have to suffer the indignities of being a whore and screwing some very nasty men.

Most would have chosen a different life.

[Bcgardener]

I never get the 'she's a whore' looks with my wife, she is pretty but pretty square too.

But I have more than a few times gotten nasty looks from both foreigners and thais when driving my daughter to school, to the store or a work situation she has accompanied me on. They of course don't realises it is our tall, well balanced and studious child, but obviously think I am some leech who has gotten very luck with a 19 year old who looks even younger, even if she isn't close to that age.

 

The foreign men often look jealous, which I find sad,

and the foreign women just look away,

the old Thai men seem to not care,

but the younger ones have commented within my daughters hearing,

and she has often set into them with an acid tongue on occasion. 

 

In some cases introductions are made, and suddenly there is a shift of body language and an almost visible sigh they don't succeed in hiding. Pretty clear what they were thinking till told otherwise. 

Sad for sure.

Agree, go somewhere as a family and the vibe is completely different. Even if it is my wife and me, we don't get any looks. Same as yours, my wife always dresses conservatively and well groomed when we go out somewhere. She is very aware of perceptions in Thailand.

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[Commander Tamson]

What is this thread "about", exactly?

It's about dyslexia, isn't it? Absolutely fascinating subecjt

[LeeTheCelt]

So what you saying?? alt=coffee1.gif width=32 height=24>

e-dog tong

sic. the fact that you know that term as a foreigner and openly use it in a written example says a lot of about the type and quality of person you hang around with. Pretty harsh term to throw about openly.... alt=thumbsup.gif width=25 height=19>

Been to LOS 9 times, been married for two years, been with My wife for 4 years now & never ever heard that word ! OK My spoken Thai is very poor, but guess it would be a word I would know if mixing in the bar girl scene.

I have to say, Thailand was never on My list of places to go, for the stereo typing reasons, went there by default, thought it was OK, preferred Indonesia, visited a second time ( on My way to Indonesia) to see a more of the culture & thought that was it, wont be going back. Met My wife here in the UK, whilst She was on holiday, went to visit her several times in LOS & see the real side of Thailand & love it despite all its faults.

Now I understand the sex trade side of the country is just a small part of this place & I was stupid & naive to stereo type a whole country on what we are spoon fed by the media.

When people find out My wife is Thai, they automatically grin & others ask if she is a lady boy, I just say she had her bits cut off & we keep them in a pickle jar at the side of the bed, just to remind us, that soon shuts them up LOL

Xxxx them I say, if they want to be as naive & stupid as I once was, so be it, couldn't give a dam_n what people think.

Edited October 13, 2013 by metisdead
Profanity

[GrantSmith]

The irony appears to be the OP is dating or married to a girl and only recently found out that she is/was a bar girl and that despite what he was told, she wasn't actually any different...

C'est la vie...

[onemore]

Slightly off topic. In doesn't only happen in Thailand, as I often take my daughter out for lunch and have had "the looks" from other people when we are out, to the point where my daugthter now says to people, "I am here with my Dad for

lunch".

On one occassion, when my daughter went to the ladies, an older woman at the table opposite looked at me and said " you ought to be ashamed of yourself, she looks old enough to be your daugher", to which I replied "because she is".

Personally I don't know why people just don't mind the own fn business.

Cheers,

[F4UCorsair]

I think Mr Snake might like to reconsider his post in the cold light of sobriety

And just a bit of punctuation, other than full stops, may help??

[bkk_mike]

It's the age difference that stands out. Foreigners with Thais of the same age, in my own experience, don't come from the bar scene...

I.e. I have a niece going to college in the UK who's, not that surprisingly, turned up with a British boyfriend, but he's her age, not mine.

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[hawker9000]

As for Thais looking at foreigners with Thai and assuming their relationship isn't legitimate or that the woman is only after money, I really think that isn't true at all. Most Thais actually can tell what social class someone comes from in how they communicate and even carry themselves. I know in my relationship with my wife, we have never encountered ignorance from Thais but plenty from foreigners. The ones that judge are pretty much the ones that are doing just what they are judging others by.

This is a good point. Thais can generally tell the class of the Thai girls that are with farangs. From the way they dress to how they speak, or just their mannerism. But foreigners--especially western tourists--are quick to assume immediately that every Thai girl with a farang are/were bargirls.

Also note that most foreigners--especially western tourists--cannot tell the difference between a Thai girl and a katoey.

ALSO note that some of what gets posted here is baloney...

[bkk_mike]

I never get the 'she's a whore' looks with my wife, she is very pretty, but pretty square too.

But I have more than a few times gotten nasty looks, from both foreigners and thais, when driving my daughter to school, to the store or a work situation she has accompanied me on. They of course don't realises it is our tall, well balanced and studious child, but obviously think I am some leech, who has gotten very lucky with a 19 year old who looks even younger, even if she isn't close to that age.

 

The foreign men often look jealous, which I find sad,

and the foreign women just look away,

the old Thai men seem to not care,

but the younger ones have commented within my daughters hearing,

and she has often set into them with an acid tongue on occasion. 

 

In some cases introductions are made, and suddenly there is a shift of body language and an almost visible sigh they don't succeed in hiding. Pretty clear what they were thinking till told otherwise. 

Sad for sure.

I run into exactly the same problem with my eldest daughter. Not an issue if she's in school uniform or if we're with my wife or with the other kids.

But if it's just the two of us - people have filthy minds.

On the other hand, I did occasionally have fun telling some holier-than-thou westerner that they have a filthy mind to make that sort of assumption.

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[bbbbooboo]

I'm absolutely disgusted to hear that there is prostitution going on in Thailand. Whatever happened to standards?

[F4UCorsair]

ALSO note that some of what gets posted here is baloney...

Only SOME???

[dao16]

The funny thing about this is....in other countries in the world, it isn't like working girls, whether prostitutes or strippers or whatever, call home and say "hey, mom and dad! How is it going? Me? I'm alright...work has taken a nice turn recently as I am turning upwards of ten tricks a day and making extra on the side with some really freaky corporate guys who are into S&M, so living in X big city is really affordable now..."

No, they call home and say they are trying to break into TV or the movies or fashion or whatever....and mom and dad go "well, take care of yourself in the big city there" and that is the end of it. There are some exceptions, but for the most part, it is the same all around the world.

[beautifulthailand99]

Thai Visa Forum editors choose a badly written OP about the bar girl scene / views in Thailand and include it in the daily email alerts - we suckers of course click through said article and the troll article has the desired effect of hits and the usual he said / she said replies. Why do we fall for it every time !

[pacovl46]

From my point of view there's only two types of prostitutes. There's the ones that like the "quick" money and not having to have a regular job that pays way less anyway. Then there's the ones that were either sold into prostitution by their own families in order to make ends meet (used to be quite common in Thailand amongst families that had more than one daughter) or are being forced otherwise, either by not having a job or by someone who's in the business or because they have to feed their kids, drug addiction or whatever.

Edited October 13, 2013 by pacovl46

[Commander Tamson]

Baloney - now there's a subject we can all wax lyrical on!

[osiboy]

In researching this topic for my forthcoming book, 'Teardrops in Siam', it is not quite such a clear cut issue as it might seem !

I have talked to girls from Isaan, who have looked me in the eye and asked why I should consider their trade immoral, when they are in fact now able to look after their families back home who would otherwise be struggling on $2 per day, and in doing good for them, they should be earning merits at the Temple !

The main objection amongst Thais that I have encountered, is when they see a 'farang' who is not only far older than the Thai girl he is going out with, but is grossly unattractive and would never be able to find a girlfriend back home in his own country, but can effectively 'buy' the company of one here!

As one of your correspondents said, it is comparatively easy to judge the class of Thai girl who is going out with a 'farang', and know straight away whether she is a bar girl or ex-bar girl. Those who are not, can be counted amongst some of the most conservative women you can find anywhere!. Some genuinely seek out 'farangs' as they are fed up with the 'butterfly' mentality of some Thai men !

Have to agree , nice post ,.......if anyone feels others are thinking the girl they are with is a bar girl and they feel uncomfortable about it ,then dont choose one with tatoos wearing a mini skirt or hotpants , doesn't get too drunk and is a non smoker {of cigaretts } , that should at least keep e'm guessing .

[Faranguy]

So what you saying??

e-dog tong

sic. the fact that you know that term as a foreigner and openly use it in a written example says a lot of about the type and quality of person you hang around with. Pretty harsh term to throw about openly....

Glad to know I am not that king of guy but I would like to know what it means. 555

[how241]

Of course Mum and Dad in Somtamburi know what their daughter is getting up to in BKK.

It goes something like this:

+1....Turn a blind eye and enjoy the cash coming in every month.

[Rob180]

I'm not really sure what this thread is about, but it seems to have developed into a platform for 'judgemental assumptions' as well as factual inaccuracies. There is nothing strange about people assuming falang+Thai girl in Pattaya means the girl is a 'bargirl'. That is a natural assumption because of the nature of Pattaya itself. The same assumption will be made if you loiter about Nana in Bangkok. I'm afraid wherever you go in life, people will always make assumptions about the nature of the relationship between 2 people together and most of these assumptions are based on what we are conditioned to believe is good or bad. The best thing to do in life is what makes you happy and ignore all the prejudiced comments or looks from others, don't even give them a 1 second thought.

In the UK, a 48 year old man with a 28 year old woman would attract zero interest from anyone, but if the guy was 28 and the woman 48 you can guarantee strange looks and comments. Why? Because we have been conditioned to believe the age gap is ok when it's the man that's older when in actual fact there is no reason why it should make any difference to anything who is older. The comments about Thai girls only having falang boyfriends because of money fail to recognise that the exact same thing happens in Western countries just in a different way. If you are a 48 year old man in the UK and you try to chat up a 21 year old girl in a bar, your chances of success are around zero. However, if you drive a Ferrari or Lamborghini or happen to get across early that you own a large business and are loaded, or are an ex pop star or top league footballer and are still loaded, you will find that the age difference suddenly becomes of no interest lol, so there's actually no difference between that and the Thai-falang relationship....SAME SAME.. Furthermore, how often do we see people like Bernie Ecclestone, Rod Stewart and Peter Stringfellow with girls 40-50 years younger than them??? What attracts these 21-30 year old girls to these 3 for example? It wouldn't be fame and MONEY by any chance would it lol? The fact is that if your wealth is very significantly higher relative to average living standards in any country, women who you approach no longer see YOU, they see $$$ signs and you visually appear to look like David Beckham.

[drb]

WELL this is a first for me to reply to one of these topics ......................

Problem is ......... IS IT A TOPIC Ive read the opener 4 times what on earth are you talking about come on get real

I thnk maybe an air ticket to the suburbs of inner London and Soho would do you the world of good my friend do you rerally beleive that Thailand is that different to every other country in the world ???? maybe you have just led a sheltered life Im not too sure

Of course ladies will lie to family because inside those who do it are maybe embaresed about the way they earn a living but dont knock them for that

I have a fiancee in Thai who is honest sincere and loving sure Im lucky I know that but as the saying goes dont tar all females with the same brush that is not fair

HEY !!!!!!!!! Im going on a bit here but hope you get the message Thailand really is not that different to any other country in habits of folk

Get out there and look open your eyes you will be surprised Im sure

[KuhnPaen]

Not all Thais assume a Thai girl is a prostitute if she is with a farang. However, the Thais can definitely tell who is a hooker and who isn't. If your darling is a dark skinned Isaan girl who wears garish makeup, is crude, has tattoos, speaks fluent English, and has no education--well, you don't have to be a brain surgeon to figure it out.

I have dated bargirls, and professional women (a nurse, an office manager, and teacher), and the Thais can tell who is who.

That said, even when I was with a bargirl, I was never treated badly. I speak Thai and Isaan and can overhear most conversations. The only bad thing I ever heard was a regular girl lamenting that all the farangs go out with bargirls. She was venting her frustration to one of her friends. At the same time, I was treated with an odd form of respect--hard to understand it but it is something like--I am taking care of the poor girl from the village and she is lucky to have me for that.

Personally, I could care less what people think. I took my LBFM to museums, and other cultural events and spoke with professors who were more than polite to our face at least. I get the feeling that they think I am a dirt bag anyway so what does it matter? When I brought an American born Thai girl to a bar in BKK when we traveled together--the bargirls were embarassed and wondered why I brought such a nice lady to a bar like that. The bargirls have zero self worth and it showed when they were around a woman from a less checkered background.

At the end of the day--it's your life. The Thais aren't paying your bills--you are.

Try walking around with a ladyboy in tow someday if you really want people gawk.

Why is such a nice, good looking, educated man with a low class woman?

Do you really care?

[FiftyTwo]

Thailand really is not that different to any other country in habits of folk

No really, it is different.

I don't know of any parents in the UK who would send their daughter to Blackpool to work as a prostitute and send money home.

(If you don't like my choice of UK beach holiday destination, please feel free to mentally replace it with one of your own)

Edited October 13, 2013 by FiftyTwo

[hawker9000]

Not all Thais assume a Thai girl is a prostitute if she is with a farang. However, the Thais can definitely tell who is a hooker and who isn't. If your darling is a dark skinned Isaan girl who wears garish makeup, is crude, has tattoos, speaks fluent English, and has no education--well, you don't have to be a brain surgeon to figure it out.

I have dated bargirls, and professional women (a nurse, an office manager, and teacher), and the Thais can tell who is who.

That said, even when I was with a bargirl, I was never treated badly. I speak Thai and Isaan and can overhear most conversations. The only bad thing I ever heard was a regular girl lamenting that all the farangs go out with bargirls. She was venting her frustration to one of her friends. At the same time, I was treated with an odd form of respect--hard to understand it but it is something like--I am taking care of the poor girl from the village and she is lucky to have me for that.

Personally, I could care less what people think. I took my LBFM to museums, and other cultural events and spoke with professors who were more than polite to our face at least. I get the feeling that they think I am a dirt bag anyway so what does it matter? When I brought an American born Thai girl to a bar in BKK when we traveled together--the bargirls were embarassed and wondered why I brought such a nice lady to a bar like that. The bargirls have zero self worth and it showed when they were around a woman from a less checkered background.

At the end of the day--it's your life. The Thais aren't paying your bills--you are.

Try walking around with a ladyboy in tow someday if you really want people gawk.

Why is such a nice, good looking, educated man with a low class woman?

Do you really care?

Exactly right. Especially when it comes to the opinions of the self-righteous and do-gooders from whom free societies have FAR more to fear.

[Jackson86]

When I was at Pattaya eating at Foodloft, I spotted a farang with a Thai wife. The farang looked just like a local, doesn't appear to be 'superior' in any sense.

[bangon04]

....

In fact, with the exception of Pattaya, which can be accurately described as a cesspit of crime and prostitution, which probably tarnishes the reputation of the whole country, prostitution in Thailand is not all that prevalent, except for those who go looking for it, and that can apply to all countries.

....

Yes, in Bangkok alone, the hundreds of massage parlors and thousands of karaoke bars are exactly what they say they are.

Strange..I always got the impression that the prostitution that the Farang sees in tourist towns is just a tiny tiny percentage of the prostitution endemic in Thailand for Thai men. In hi-so circles a mia noi is still socially acceptable and often admired as a status symbol. In lo-so, girls of young ages are trafficked or willingly seek their fortune in a province or town away from home, and it seems very unlikely that the population does not know what is really going on in the country. More likely that it is simply ignored /swept under the carpet. Face? Like others have said, the fact that you have a big house and a new car is more important than what paid for it.

[snake24]

Where is the irony that the OP writes about in his headline?

The irony that thais look down on women working as prostitutes and the most visible one is the farang with the thai girl after all they cannot tell if it's a local thai man with a hooker for example and how so many thai women see working as one as a viable option yet they are taught by family and all that it's no good and it's shameful yet so many work as one.

[Dap]

I think Mr Snake might like to reconsider his post in the cold light of sobriety

Interesting response, and ... quite possibly very observant of you Dr.