What's yours is theirs ? ......Thai way?

[CharlieH]

I am trying to get my head around this, I know that western ideas or upbringing, manners, what we consider "correct" etc, call it what you will is different to Thai but somethings just irritate and go against the grain so to speak.

It seems from my observation, and experience, that if someone in the family or neighbour come to that, buys something or has something that they need or want to use, then you just help yourself?

No thought of "can I borrow", or "is it ok", no asking, just help yourself? This appears to be the Thai way, everybody shares everything, BUT if it breaks or needs money spent for any reason, THEN its YOURS!

Anyone else experience this?

I get really pissed when someone just helps themselves to the motorcycle or car or anything else come to that, am I wrong to expect the courtesy of a request? To atleast ask if its ok?

The wife cant see it, ......."mai pen rai", is family,......can you?

Edited October 16, 2013 by CharlieH

[Chonburiram]

You are taken for a ride... divorce wife, leave Isan.

[CharlieH]

You are taken for a ride... divorce wife, leave Isan.

Not in Isaan, and leaving the wife is a ridiculous comment !

This is NOT about bashing Thais or people who live in a particular area, if you want to do that please start your own thread.

Edited October 16, 2013 by CharlieH

[Chonburiram]

Sorry to say, but it isn't her prioritys are completely out of focus.

[Dr Robert]

If you carry the keys to car, motor cy, or put a lock on the house and your storage, (where you can put your more treasured things) then they will have no choice but to ask, but it's not the answer you seek. I gave up sweating and cursing on the same issue and feel better for it, just by letting go. Love me, love my dog, Mai pen rai.

You gotta love em

[h90]

No it is not Thai way.

It is only the way of some Thais.

And just try to just take their motorbike in the morning and bring it back in the evening. You'll find out that this sharing is only for your things not for their things.

[cooked]

If you carry the keys to car, motor cy, or put a lock on the house and your storage, (where you can put your more treasured things) then they will have no choice but to ask, but it's not the answer you seek. I gave up sweating and cursing on the same issue and feel better for it, just by letting go. Love me, love my dog, Mai pen rai.

You gotta love em

I agree. The only guy that I trust (up to a point) with my tools is my brother in law, who has been letting us use his truck for a year now and hasn't said a word when I scratched it (looks better after I pay for the repair). Everything is locked, otherwise I don't lend money or tools. ! comes to mind that when my credit card disappeared into an ATM, they lent us ฿2000.-.

On the other hand, when one of us (extended family in four houses on the same plot) goes to the market, they always buy enough to be able to share a little, or even buy stuff that we know the others like that they don't. This works both ways. We have a small vegetable garden + a few fruit trees, the BIL has a large garden, everybody helps themselves within reason. Same with the chickens, ducks and fish etc.

The mentality that you find so annoying stems, I think, from this rural, not so long ago moneyless society. That's how they used to get by.

[sometimewoodworker]

It seems from my observation, and experience, that if someone in the family or neighbour come to that, buys something or has something that they need or want to use, then you just help yourself?

No thought of "can I borrow", or "is it ok", no asking, just help yourself? This appears to be the Thai way, everybody shares everything, BUT if it breaks or needs money spent for any reason, THEN its YOURS!

Anyone else experience this?

I get really pissed when someone just helps themselves to the motorcycle or car or anything else come to that, am I wrong to expect the courtesy of a request? To atleast ask if its ok?

That used to happen to me, and it would still happen if the pickup keys were avalible or if my tools were in a place that was not secure.

I got fed up with people just walking in to watch me in my workshop area and pick up my tools or just wander into the house.

The cure was to keep the front gate locked all the time and screen the workshop area. It's not so convient to use the pickup as the gate has to be unlocked and opened the shut and locked whenever we want to use it but now the only people who come into the house are the ones we invite. Problem solved.

[willyumiii]

This is the most difficult thing I have yet to accept about life in a Thai village. People just take and or use without asking, usually done when I am not home

Many things are not returned and I need to hunt them down when I need them

.

Some are returned broken. ( quality of things purchased in Thailand is a good topic for anouther thread )

This doesn't just apply to tools, motorbikes , building materials,and the like, but to the fruit and vegetables I grow as well.

I've pointed out to the wife that I never say no to anyone who wants or needs something without a damn good reason.

I just want to be asked!

Like your's my wife replies" it's family."

I insisted she let it be known that I expect to be asked if anything of mine is coveted by "family" or anyone else.

One or two actually ask now.

Some ask as they pick something up and walk away with it!

Village life is comunnal life.

I know this.

But I just can't "let it go".

[ABCer]

I would call this 'philosophy' a typical case of: - 'What is mine - is mine; What is yours - is ours'.

A kind of communal distortion of the Private Property Laws. Many concepts get distorted in traveling from West to East and back.

Another version taken to extreme is 'Share your wife with the neighbour and somebody will share theirs with you'. May be not acceptable to some characters.

OP, please specify - are these 'borrowers' just neighbours or relatives? I doubt the same thing would happen in a city.

[CharlieH]

This is the most difficult thing I have yet to accept about life in a Thai village. People just take and or use without asking, usually done when I am not home

Many things are not returned and I need to hunt them down when I need them

.

Some are returned broken. ( quality of things purchased in Thailand is a good topic for anouther thread )

This doesn't just apply to tools, motorbikes , building materials,and the like, but to the fruit and vegetables I grow as well.

I've pointed out to the wife that I never say no to anyone who wants or needs something without a dam_n good reason.

I just want to be asked!

Like your's my wife replies" it's family."

I insisted she let it be known that I expect to be asked if anything of mine is coveted by "family" or anyone else.

One or two actually ask now.

Some ask as they pick something up and walk away with it!

Village life is comunnal life.

I know this.

But I just can't "let it go".

Hit the nail on the head!.............same same, good to know I am not the only one, forgot about the fruit etc, they do exactly the same here with bananas, papaya, limes. Chilli, anything thats growing in the garden.

[mjj]

It's all to do with boundaries again. Lay down the law (because you have to live with it) as soon as possible. If you do it in a polite and even humourous way you will be fine, but do it immediately. I explained that people could borrow most of my things, but must always let me know and have never had a problem since. Also after a time, if things are not returned ask for them back. You can even make up some story that you need it for something later in the week.

Don't fester and don't blow your top.

[CharlieH]

I would call this 'philosophy' a typical case of: - 'What is mine - is mine; What is yours - is ours'.

A kind of communal distortion of the Private Property Laws. Many concepts get distorted in traveling from West to East and back.

Another version taken to extreme is 'Share your wife with the neighbour and somebody will share theirs with you'. May be not acceptable to some characters.

OP, please specify - are these 'borrowers' just neighbours or relatives? I doubt the same thing would happen in a city.

For me and from me, its "relatives" but have also seen my relatives use their neighbours stuff too. I dont really have neighbours and they couldnt get within the property anyway with a 2m high wall and locked gates, dogs etc, my issue if you can call it that is with family members.

[somtampet]

I would call this 'philosophy' a typical case of: - 'What is mine - is mine; What is yours - is ours'.

A kind of communal distortion of the Private Property Laws. Many concepts get distorted in traveling from West to East and back.

Another version taken to extreme is 'Share your wife with the neighbour and somebody will share theirs with you'. May be not acceptable to some characters.

OP, please specify - are these 'borrowers' just neighbours or relatives? I doubt the same thing would happen in a city.

For me and from me, its "relatives" but have also seen my relatives use their neighbours stuff too. I dont really have neighbours and they couldnt get within the property anyway with a 2m high wall and locked gates, dogs etc, my issue if you can call it that is with family members.

Do they still make krook locks,and is one available in Thailand.Lock motorbike,hide key etc etc

[trainman34014]

Only time i experienced this was when building a house extension and people kept coming with buckets to 'borrow' sand from the pile outside my front gate. I let it go twice as neighbourly but the next ask; and they did all ask, i said to the wife 'if they want to borrow ask them when they will return it ? ' Of course she wouldn't do it as it would mean loss of face for them. A little later i went outside and put a sign in the sand in Thai saying 'Sand for sale 20 Baht per bucket'......needless to say nobody returned !

[seajae]

kniow what you mean, wife was going to give our bike to her brother in law(druggie) so he could ride it to his new job she got him at her firm, I told her to give him the old push bike otherwise I would have no transport. Same for a friend of her sister, she wanted the bike because she got a job that was a long wlak from the shops and wanted the bike toill she could buy her own, I walked in while she was taking the keys from my bag so I stopped it straight away and explained that it was my transport not hers. I dont ming lending but I expect things returned asap not whenever they feel like it or never. Even the wife will borrow something of mine and not return it which usually means it has been lost as she never remembers what she does with it, Still looking for my phone charger she borrowed 6 months ago, she has no idea what she did with it.

[dao16]

No it is not Thai way.

It is only the way of some Thais.

And just try to just take their motorbike in the morning and bring it back in the evening. You'll find out that this sharing is only for your things not for their things.

Not in my experience. If I say "gee, I need a car to pick up some stuff at the store," family members will offer up their cars immediately. I even had a flat one day and my brother in law saw me on the road and swapped vehicles with me and fixed the tire on his own (I gave him money for it later....I was in a rush). Maybe that is just my in-laws.

I do find it irritating when people run off with the motorbike without saying anything, but if I want to, I can use their things, too....this includes telephones, helmets, fans, computers--anything, really.

[Thaddeus]

I used to keep my pack of Kit-Kats in the fridge, I now keep them in my desk draw.

It's like living in student accommodation sometimes.

[samran]

I swear, one of you fella's is going to write a book one day called 'The idiots guide to marrying into a hillbilly family'.

No it isn't the Thai way. It is a leachers way.

Man up, grow a set, and stop being walked all over.

[robblok]

To be honest this is a case of you made your bed now lie in it.

You choose to live there close to relatives and accept it all. You could have made other choices now it is too late.

I am happy the family is at least 50km away. I have seen her brother misuse my tools and damage some of them. So I don't loan them any stuff anymore.

[Nautilus05]

No, it's no just "how things are". It's absolutely disrespectful, and no self-respecting Thai would just help themselves to your things.

Trust me, I've been there, and it sucks. Put your foot down, and learn to be a now, before it gets worse. At first I was a nice, good hearted, open minded guy, but within a few years learned how to be a prick. Only then did things stop disappearing.

That's actually why I'm now in a new house, and it's bliss here. I can go shopping, fill up the fridge with groceries, and the next day they're magically still there. I can hang up my laundry to dry, and the next day it's magically all still there. When I leave the house, my sandals are always magically there nowadays. It's great!

[cpofc]

My personal rule when it comes to borrowing/using other peoples gear and possessions. It is non discriminatory and applies to all, regardless of race, colour, creed. Apart from the fact that it is always polite to ask first......

'Break it, you fix it. Smash it, you own it!'

[Beetlejuice]

No, I have never experienced anyone helping themselves and using what belongs to me without my consent, no even the wife and my own kids.

It appears the OP`s problems are with his ever loving, ever caring wife, not from people outside of his family.

My advice to the OP is; get his own house in order first, before generalizing his own domestic problems with the whole Thai population. If he can`t control the situation, then put locks on all his property.

The title should be changed to: what’s mine can be shared with all and sundry at the discretion of my wife.

Welcome to another Thai bashing thread.

[abrahamzvi]

This is utter NONSENSE!!! I can only assume that your Thai "friends" are taking you for a ride......

[GuestHouse]

This is the most difficult thing I have yet to accept about life in a Thai village. People just take and or use without asking, usually done when I am not home

Spot the clue.

Its not normal behaviour, they do it because they get away with it.

If they don't think you'll approve they do it while your not around.

They are taking the pish and you are letting them. More to the point your wife is letting them too.

Tell your Mrs to get on side or you'll go speak to them yourself ... that'll work.

[transam]

No, I have never experienced anyone helping themselves and using what belongs to me without my consent, no even the wife and my own kids.

It appears the OP`s problems are with his ever loving, ever caring wife, not from people outside of his family.

My advice to the OP is; get his own house in order first, before generalizing his own domestic problems with the whole Thai population. If he can`t control the situation, then put locks on all his property.

The title should be changed to: what’s mine can be shared with all and sundry at the discretion of my wife.

Welcome to another Thai bashing thread.

Think you are lucky. It is not a Thai bashing thread but life here. Please do not run down folk cos your setup is perfect. Have seen the OP's question/experience many times. Think you must perhaps not frown on other folks experiences when it really is a way of life here.

[ChangMaiSausage]

LOL happy times.

Now where is my bottle of black label it was in the kitchen.........

[wellred]

Not read all the above replies but I'm sure this can't be the way things are generally. This comes across as a fundamental lack of respect. The fact that you see it from so many just goes to show how many lack respect. Suggest if someone attempts to take something of yours without asking, you politely remind them to ask.

[tartempion]

Not so here in the house I paid for.

It does happen some family member rings our bell to ask to borrow something, they will always bring it back same day.

And no they would not dare enter the kitchen and serve themselves.

Many years ago I invited them for a Moo Kata after they helped emptying a moval truck.

They did not like it, never invited them again

[Chittychangchang]

Lock it away or nail it down.

Hide the keys or lend them out when the fuel tank is empty.

Put a fence up around the garden to stop fruit thieves.

Invite people to eat some bland farang food you have made especially for unwelcome visitors, they will eat under duress thinking they are going to lend something. The blandness of the food will beat them away eventually.

They will soon get the message.

CCC

Edited October 16, 2013 by Chittychangchang