Irrational emotional behaviour !

[lostmebike]

To me the irrational emotional behavior that Thai women from time to time can surprise us Farang's with, is a simple act of self-defense.

Scream and shouting avoids all normal conversation from taking place, meaning that the subject remains untouched and the truth therefore also never comes out... If first a Thai woman starts screaming, then its best just to give up, go further and forget anything that just relates slightly to what could be called an "adult conversation". If in drama-mode, you will just get more drama, the more you confront her. (Could be an effect of her watching too many Thai TV-dramas)

But if you turn it around - then why start screaming and shouting if there was/is no problem? :-) So screaming and shouting most likely already answered your question...

In our three years together ... I have to be honest that the Thai gf has never raised her voice once ... and considering that she's preggers at the moment ... a great effort ...

that said ... I don't get off scot free ... the 'Thai Sulk' can last hours, one even longer then a day ...

But khunpa, I know what you mean ... I've seen the screaming matches ... I think we all have.

Ahh yes, the 'Thai Sulk'. I liken it to wet, cold weekend at the beach, very depressing.

[SOTIRIOS]

...unfortunately....truth is not convenient......or profitable...

...hopefully she will 'grow up'....and 'come clean'....for your children's sake....

...but unlikely..as.it reflects a common phenomenon here.......undeveloped mentality.....primitive.....

[lostmebike]

Good luck with your endeavours my friend but from what I've learnt out of my experiences with Thai ladies is that if it doesn't feel or sound right, it probably isn't.

[h90]

What is this irrational behaviour and lying about ?

Easy answer,

some of these girl are raised with the absolut certitude that some/most foreigner are dumb.

And when of them is hooked, its super easy yo extract as much money from him.

They have seen it hundreds of time, cheap girl with car, house, gold and everything else.

One day, the wind will turn, the money will start to dry, its not so more easy to get the free booze.

They will found themselves in a desperate situation, like a thief that must commit his last robbery

before to retire. They need this f##g money, they are nervous, tense and to make it worst

they realize that you start to use your brain, the real one. You are suspicious, you are not anymore hooked.

With their 2 cells, they can not overwhelm you. So what left, nothing! Only to show you their ugly face.

You should laugh and concentrate on your child, she is only dust!

Pregnant, yes and i bet from a thai guy, that why she is in panic mode. The party is totally over...

If it was from another foreigner she will be over the moon, and forget you already.

... my 2 cents

"some of these girl are raised with the absolut certitude that some/most foreigner are dumb.

And when of them is hooked, its super easy yo extract as much money from him."

And when you look around: They are right.

[Showbags]

Why do you not just come and get your kids yourself?

[Baerboxer]

Thai ladies use emotional blackmail, little white lies and "affection" to get their own way. No different from other nationalities IME.

However, the difference is losing face - they cannot bear for another woman to get something better than them, must be seen to be spoiled by hubby or bf. Must be seen to always get own way, never be criticized in public or be denied. This is very strong in Thai ladies and any denial or confrontation leads to explosions of temper and nastiness. This is certainly a defense mechanism, aimed at diverting away from the subject and making you relent and want to go back to peace. I don't think they see it like this, or are even aware of it. This is an emotional reaction to dealing with something they don't like - losing face, being caught lying, doing something wrong. A Thai will never ever admit to making a mistake, doing something wrong or not knowing something. They cannot deal with it so simply explode, rant and often resort to violence.

This is very different to Europeans, Americans, Aussie's etc. behave or expect to be treated.

Be careful how you handle this. Unfortunately the nastiness and vindictiveness can reach much higher levels than we're used to too.

[DLock]

Having read your thread OP, I'm still confused over your situation.

It doesn't appear you have control or access to the kids as they live with a "bottom feeder" SIL...while you let your wife live in Phuket and you send her money. Alarm bells.

I'm not sure if you are still with the wife or not, although you do call her you "other halve".

You ask about irrational behavior and lying, yet you still don't really know if she is actually lying and it is you who are irrational.

You have a lot more issues than just figuring out if your "other halve" is pregnant.

Good Luck.

Thanks.

Correct about ur last sentence. This OP is 1 of them.

She is lying thats a certainty. Silence is lying as well.

Well from 10.000 km away its very hard to control somebody.

Could u explain why i am irrational ?

Kapom.

I feel for your situation. It must be tough being so far away from your kids and them not being in an ideal situation. I can tell you really care for them.

But I'm not sure of your feelings for the wife - or maybe you feel you have to maintain some sort of relationship to maintain any contact with the kids.

For sure she is irrational and using every trick in the female "Thai manipulation handbook", but you know that already...why? Because it's her nature - primarily face and dominance.

My point of you being irrational is that you don't know for sure she is pregnant, so this may all be a mute point and causing you unnecessary grief.

I do wish you the best and you can find what you are looking for.

[BlueSkyCowboy]

Get her on Skype or webcam, easy to see then. If she doesn't money stops

Sent from my GT-I9300 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

The money stops now until we know the story. BTW how long have you been away from the "better half"?

[Showbags]

Thai ladies use emotional blackmail, little white lies and "affection" to get their own way. No different from other nationalities IME.

However, the difference is losing face - they cannot bear for another woman to get something better than them, must be seen to be spoiled by hubby or bf. Must be seen to always get own way, never be criticized in public or be denied. This is very strong in Thai ladies and any denial or confrontation leads to explosions of temper and nastiness. This is certainly a defense mechanism, aimed at diverting away from the subject and making you relent and want to go back to peace. I don't think they see it like this, or are even aware of it. This is an emotional reaction to dealing with something they don't like - losing face, being caught lying, doing something wrong. A Thai will never ever admit to making a mistake, doing something wrong or not knowing something. They cannot deal with it so simply explode, rant and often resort to violence.

This is very different to Europeans, Americans, Aussie's etc. behave or expect to be treated.

Be careful how you handle this. Unfortunately the nastiness and vindictiveness can reach much higher levels than we're used to too.

Your mileage differs to mine much.

[BlueSkyCowboy]

maybe she got just fat

Than you asked her if she is pregnant because her stomach is so big on the photo.....

After being away from the woman and sending money regularly, you still don't trust the woman LOL. BTW where did u meet her? Just tell us the entire story for our entertainment.

[sfbandung]

I am sympathetic, I really am, but so often these long distance things with months and months apart wind up this way. And if you have to be apart for work reasons then why isn't she in the village with the kids instead of Patong of all places?

Like a lot of people here I have plenty of mates who are also married to Thais (like me) and when they want to stay in Thailand and not be with you overseas the first alarm rings. Then when she doesn't want to be in the village with Mum and Dad and the kids but in Patong, Pattaya or Patpong or the like it's time to be a little bit suspect.

[tingtongteesood]

This is why you don't have 'long distance relationships', while the cat's away the mice will play and all that, I tried a few times and they always went off with someone else who was there and willing and ready to do the nasty before I could get there........

[BlueSkyCowboy]

What is this irrational behaviour and lying about ?

Easy answer,

some of these girl are raised with the absolut certitude that some/most foreigner are dumb.

And when of them is hooked, its super easy yo extract as much money from him.

They have seen it hundreds of time, cheap girl with car, house, gold and everything else.

One day, the wind will turn, the money will start to dry, its not so more easy to get the free booze.

They will found themselves in a desperate situation, like a thief that must commit his last robbery

before to retire. They need this f##g money, they are nervous, tense and to make it worst

they realize that you start to use your brain, the real one. You are suspicious, you are not anymore hooked.

With their 2 cells, they can not overwhelm you. So what left, nothing! Only to show you their ugly face.

You should laugh and concentrate on your child, she is only dust!

Pregnant, yes and i bet from a thai guy, that why she is in panic mode. The party is totally over...

If it was from another foreigner she will be over the moon, and forget you already.

... my 2 cents

"some of these girl are raised with the absolut certitude that some/most foreigner are dumb.

And when of them is hooked, its super easy yo extract as much money from him."

And when you look around: They are right.

I thought that we, the farangs are the smart ones and the Thai girls are brainless. Well, I got it the wrong way around. Of course the girls are also prettier and younger then the "old boy" with a little money.

[HUAHIN62]

She is your "other half", ( does that mean she is your wife ) and you have children with her ,

and yet you leave her and the children alone long enough to miss an entire pregnancy?

I don't know that I blame her if she slipped up, slipped one in and got knocked up!

If she even did get pregnant!

Your whole thing is based on a web photo?

If it's important to you at all, get off your butt and get over here and deal with it face to face like a man!

Who is really the irrational one here?

Thank u for ur kind and insightfull comment. Reading the point of a thread properly is not your strongest point. I confronted her only this week. A photo is a photo. This 1 is very clear and surely not photoshopped.

I let her alone during the entire pregnancy ! Well .....i am flabbergasted by this comment. I was unaware of it so..

So read the OP again. Thanks

You are missing the point, when last have you seen your children and your gf/wife? Why is your wife/gf and children not living with you? Do you think it is doing the children good to have a father in Europe and a mother in Phuket? If you fathered these children do you not think you owe them more than money? Something called love and attention, it cant be bought and cant be replaced by family.

[fabphil]

Because she's thai thats why ...

[rct99q]

She is your "other half", ( does that mean she is your wife ) and you have children with her ,

and yet you leave her and the children alone long enough to miss an entire pregnancy?

I don't know that I blame her if she slipped up, slipped one in and got knocked up!

If she even did get pregnant!

Your whole thing is based on a web photo?

If it's important to you at all, get off your butt and get over here and deal with it face to face like a man!

Who is really the irrational one here?

Thank u for ur kind and insightfull comment. Reading the point of a thread properly is not your strongest point. I confronted her only this week. A photo is a photo. This 1 is very clear and surely not photoshopped.

I let her alone during the entire pregnancy ! Well .....i am flabbergasted by this comment. I was unaware of it so..

So read the OP again. Thanks

Actually I am curious on this point......how do you miss your 'wife" being pregnant. During my daughters pregnancy it was quite obvious my wife was pregnant. From the bigger belly, to late night kicking, change of diet, her getting up to pee every hour etc...plus the fact we lived together and talked every day and acted like and lived like a married couple.

So if you were not here (ie thailand or not together) then the statement "let her alone" seems correct. If not and you are here (thailand or together) then you must be blind not to have noticed she was pregnant.

How is it you did not know she was pregnant. I must be missing something.....as the only way you would not know is you do not live with her and have not for some time.

[Pescator]

Thursday she suddenly replied in writing similar as on the phone and denying it. So i sent another picture with a thai comment on it, which mentioned pregnancy 2 and asked if she maybe has done an abortion or that the child is already born. She replied that me confronting her (again, yes) with her actions is the reason she not wants to speak with me and that she would delete me again on her friendslist. I wrote back that it is time to be honest for a change. Suddenly she starts calling me. I feared already for swearing, threatening and cursing so i wrote that she had to promise to talk normal then i would answer the phone. Well no promise and on the 5th call i answered it with a slight hope of talking normal. Well.......no way jose, so i hung up after 25 seconds.

Cleary, you two have serious trust issues. What does that tell you about the future?

To add, without going in detail, i am in europe, she is in patong beach, our kids stay, against my wishes, with SIL up north. No not Issaan !!

Why is it significant that your SIL is staying up north and not in Esan? Phaak Neau, Phaak Glaang, Phaak Tai, same shit.

Now, let me get this straight. You live in Europe, your future ex is living in Patong and your kids stay with the SIL in Nakhon Bumfuc_k Noville upcountry.

Well, that is a nice setup...

Your significant other has left her own flesh and blood with her SIL upcountry. How much consideration do you think she would have in dumping her farang husband? And don`t give me that usual thai crap about her "hab to take care kids" Clearly, you are supporting her, right?

Now, what I would suggest you to do is this: Ditch the bitch and her tantrums, get a pair, man up and take care of the kids.

Pregnancy should now be between 7 months and born already.

Nobody in her family has ever told me or given a hint about her pregnancy.

Just for your general information, pregnancies usually last approx. 9 months, not 7. Pregnancies do not get born, only children do.

Nobody in her family would ever give you a hint, clearly you are not there and they protect their own, especially when a foreigner is involved.

You are in way, way over your head, and having said that, you should have had your big head thinking for you.

Anyway, best of luck to you.

Edited December 2, 2013 by Pescator

[Pescator]

Actually I am curious on this point......how do you miss your 'wife" being pregnant. During my daughters pregnancy it was quite obvious my wife was pregnant. From the bigger belly, to late night kicking, change of diet, her getting up to pee every hour etc...plus the fact we lived together and talked every day and acted like and lived like a married couple.

So if you were not here (ie thailand or not together) then the statement "let her alone" seems correct. If not and you are here (thailand or together) then you must be blind not to have noticed she was pregnant.

How is it you did not know she was pregnant. I must be missing something.....

Read the damn thread for crying out loud....And yes, you are missing some things, like in many things...

[BlueSkyCowboy]

a little humor. My smart dog told me, "if u can't eat it or hump it, piss on it and walk away". It worked out well for me too hahaha

[Gandtee]

Twenty seven years ago while in the Wat in Wimbledon I met a fellow Brit, married to a Thai. He said that Thais have either cold or hot temperaments. While your wife is blowing hot, forget any rational argument. I have been married for twenty six years and most of them have been happy, but when the hot rears it's head I keep quiet. Fortunately in my case things are back to cold and normal in half an hour. Normal married life I suspect. Regarding Benalibinas' problem. He seems to be between a rock and a hard place. I doubt that this can be settled over the phone. Perhaps you have independent friends who can report on her situation. Good luck for you and the kids.

[FiftyTwo]

I think some of you are being a little unfair to the OP.

If mum doesn't want you to see the kids, you won't be seeing them, no matter what country you live in.

50% of men never see their kids again after a breakup. That's worldwide figures.

It's what 50% of women want, they don't let you see your kids, but they still demand money.

'man up' means not sending money ever again.

Wimps pay up and keep paying, and keep dragging it out.

[Showbags]

She is your "other half", ( does that mean she is your wife ) and you have children with her ,

and yet you leave her and the children alone long enough to miss an entire pregnancy?

I don't know that I blame her if she slipped up, slipped one in and got knocked up!

If she even did get pregnant!

Your whole thing is based on a web photo?

If it's important to you at all, get off your butt and get over here and deal with it face to face like a man!

Who is really the irrational one here?

Thank u for ur kind and insightfull comment. Reading the point of a thread properly is not your strongest point. I confronted her only this week. A photo is a photo. This 1 is very clear and surely not photoshopped.

I let her alone during the entire pregnancy ! Well .....i am flabbergasted by this comment. I was unaware of it so..

So read the OP again. Thanks

You are missing the point, when last have you seen your children and your gf/wife? Why is your wife/gf and children not living with you? Do you think it is doing the children good to have a father in Europe and a mother in Phuket? If you fathered these children do you not think you owe them more than money? Something called love and attention, it cant be bought and cant be replaced by family.

It can be replaced, plenty of people do it all the time.

But it shouldn't be replaced.

As for the other things in your post...there is obviously way more to this than the OP is letting us know, so all these things can be the reason why he is not here etc etc.

I presume from what he has said so far...she left him, he did not want the separation...but obviously now time to move on, forget her and concentrate on kids.

[Emdog]

Four words: Drop her, walk away

[wooloomooloo]

If there's anything that's irrational, it's this thread.

The OP has decided to give little detail other than some photo, which could be quite innocent based on what little we know. Abortion is almost certainly out of the question - if there ever was a pregnancy in the first place - due to the time frame of the supposed photo evidencing an advanced pregnancy.

If the ex-wife/wife/girlfriend was pregnant, who is the father? Was the OP here nine-months ago? Could the OP clarify? I doubt it, though, just more smoke and mirrors from the OP to come.

On the basis of such a loose and defensive half-story, I can only conclude a naïve and immature OP who appears to have abandoned his family other than send some money, which, again, is so vague we'll never really know.

I mentioned before that i dont spent any bth i dont want to spent. I stick to that.

Edited December 2, 2013 by wooloomooloo

[FritsSikkink]

I could have sworn from past posts that the OP was a woman. Anyways, sorry to interrupt.

Same here

[benalibina]

She is your "other half", ( does that mean she is your wife ) and you have children with her ,

and yet you leave her and the children alone long enough to miss an entire pregnancy?

I don't know that I blame her if she slipped up, slipped one in and got knocked up!

If she even did get pregnant!

Your whole thing is based on a web photo?

If it's important to you at all, get off your butt and get over here and deal with it face to face like a man!

Who is really the irrational one here?

Thank u for ur kind and insightfull comment. Reading the point of a thread properly is not your strongest point. I confronted her only this week. A photo is a photo. This 1 is very clear and surely not photoshopped.

I let her alone during the entire pregnancy ! Well .....i am flabbergasted by this comment. I was unaware of it so..

So read the OP again. Thanks

You are missing the point, when last have you seen your children and your gf/wife? Why is your wife/gf and children not living with you? Do you think it is doing the children good to have a father in Europe and a mother in Phuket? If you fathered these children do you not think you owe them more than money? Something called love and attention, it cant be bought and cant be replaced by family.

U hit the nail on the head. Thank you. Eventhough offtopic. I want my children here. She is in control because she is thai and wants to replace my love and attention by HER family. For the possible newborn, well.....dont know from who it is. So no reason for me to go be on her side and sit out the pregnancy. I love my children and when she went to phuket before and left kids with SIL i came to collect them. NO she said. In my time of absence before i trusted her fully to take proper care, financially 2 ( yes yes STUPID but in good faith ) of the kids. When i was there my kids had been so put up against me, PARENTAL ALIENATION, that everytime they came to close for wife and SIL liking they were cleverly manipulated when i was asleep or out of the house. I blamed it initially on my previous absence from them until i read about PA on the internet.

I have a whole thai family to deal with and as u can imagine nobody openly supports me or acts on the best interest interest of the children. The silent support, face value, i need to thred gently with. But my wife controls the outcome of 5 lives, 6 maybe. This by silly childlish behaviour which is beyond any normal persons understanding.

[FiftyTwo]

I have a whole thai family to deal with and as u can imagine nobody openly supports me or acts on the best interest interest of the children. The silent support, face value, i need to thred gently with. But my wife controls the outcome of 5 lives, 6 maybe. This by silly childlish behaviour which is beyond any normal persons understanding.

It's entirely normal behaviour for the family of sex workers.

Stop giving them money. Wait 6 months ...... then

Offer the SIL a cash lump sum, paid once you have the kids and have left Thailand with them.

She will betray her sister for cash, they always do.

[benalibina]

If there's anything that's irrational, it's this thread.

The OP has decided to give little detail other than some photo, which could be quite innocent based on what little we know. Abortion is almost certainly out of the question - if there ever was a pregnancy in the first place - due to the time frame of the supposed photo evidencing an advanced pregnancy.

If the ex-wife/wife/girlfriend was pregnant, who is the father? Was the OP here nine-months ago? Could the OP clarify? I doubt it, though, just more smoke and mirrors from the OP to come.

On the basis of such a loose and defensive half-story, I can only conclude a naïve and immature OP who appears to have abandoned his family other than send some money, which, again, is so vague we'll never really know.

I mentioned before that i dont spent any bth i dont want to spent. I stick to that.

U really dont trust me do u, with ur smokescreen ? I was here in March, so if my guesstimation of pregnancyduration is correct, there is a slim chance it could be me. In her behaviour towards me it rather seems unlikely though but TIT !

For ur point of abandonment. I keep quiet because its insulting. As there are children involved please for ur sake do not see everything through the eyes of the beholder. Thanks.

[Pescator]

I think some of you are being a little unfair to the OP.

If mum doesn't want you to see the kids, you won't be seeing them, no matter what country you live in.

50% of men never see their kids again after a breakup. That's worldwide figures.

You gotta be kidding me. 50% ? No matter what country you live in?

I don`t know what kind of backward shithole you hail from, but I can assure you that that is not the case.

Fathers have rights too, ya know. I have my kids living with me, they don`t see their thai mom, but that is their choice. I never tried to influence them in any way. I like to think of myself as a bigger person than that.

They just made their choice and based on the history with my ex and her negligence, regular absense, gambling historie and shit, I guess it was not a tough call.

[FiftyTwo]

I think some of you are being a little unfair to the OP.

If mum doesn't want you to see the kids, you won't be seeing them, no matter what country you live in.

50% of men never see their kids again after a breakup. That's worldwide figures.

You gotta be kidding me. 50% ? No matter what country you live in?

I don`t know what kind of backward shithole you hail from, but I can assure you that that is not the case.

Fathers have rights too, ya know. I have my kids living with me, they don`t see their thai mom, but that is their choice. I never tried to influence them in any way. I like to think of myself as a bigger person than that.

They just made their choice and based on the history with my ex and her negligence, regular absense, gambling historie and shit, I guess it was not a tough call.

Sorry, it was 30%.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1228144/Third-children-dad-divorce.html

http://www.dad.info/divorce-and-separation/making-it-work/separated-fathers-how-often-do-they-see-their-children

In most of the western world fathers have no rights.

"For 38 per cent of children, separation meant they never saw their father again.

Although 70 per cent of parents said their childrens welfare was the most important factor in a divorce, a quarter of children said they had been forced by one parent to lie to the other.

Some 15 per cent had been asked to spy on one of their parents."

Edited December 2, 2013 by FiftyTwo