The " Extended family " how far does the money tree go ?

[BB1955]

I know someone is going to say as far as there dollar will flow . Saved you from typing it .... Im just curious I have heard all the way to the sons and daughters of sisters and brothers ? I have tried to explain unlaws to my wife and how us farrang view them , sunk on dead ears .... I have no problem helping mother inlaw and father inlaw IF they need it but,,,,,,, further than that, they are on their own as from my to hand to theirs .... Wifes hands may be different but its not much if any ......

[krisb]

Never. I have my own family to worry about. If she wants to help them she can but never has because they all work.

[wayned]

As far as you let it go!

[i claudius]

Dont marry some poor Isaan girl who's familly grows rice ,then it goes as far as your wife and children ,sorry if this seems harsh but its the truth and sometimes it hurts.

[MichaelJackson]

Parents, I take care the same as I would my own, my daughter if she has a problem, anyone else has to manage the same as I did.

[rwdrwdrwd]

Nowhere. My wife already had a rep for being sticky with her family before she met me so looks like I struck gold :-)

Honestly though, they never have asked us for money to my knowledge, in fact the only time any money has flowed was when my wife and I were slightly short on a deposit for a car for a couple of weeks, and 50k flowed to us from MIL so we could get the car immediately rather than wait till the end of the month. Paid it back 7 days later, I don't like borrowing.

If they did happen to ask, since they have been polite and never asked before (and indeed in MIL's case has lent to us) I'd probably lend now to immediate family, but not astronomical amounts, not for long, and only one lend at a time.

[Briggsy]

If relatives who have not been in touch with the new mia farang for years smell money, they will appear out of the woodwork. It is a question you should not be asking. By asking it, you have already lost control of the narrative. Set a budget and stick to it even if it means the Thai wife walks out of the door.

[10Yen]

I expect the usual replies , the same as every other anonymous forum, nobody gives money.

Reality is probably different.

[weegee]

@B1955....."Briggsy" in post #7 above,covered your question completely.....Best advice you could be given on this subject.

[kikoman]

10 Yen,

your statements ie: "I expected the usual replies", "Nobody gives money" and "Reality is probably different", said a lot that, you are used as the family ATM, and do not believe that us expats, that do not give money, you believe that is a requirement to be married to a Thai lady in Thailand. You need to take a long look at your relationship if your wife expects you to support her family. tell her "no" if she leaves, you are being used as an ATM, If she does not leave then your problem is solved!

I am not saying those expats that willingly help the family are wrong, but when you are expected to give money to her extended family, that is where I would have drawn the line.

All of my wife's family have jobs and are very hard working, many of them are rice farmers, that are having a very hard time because the government has not paid the rice scheme funds and their money is held up at the bank. They have borrowed money from the rest of the family until their money is released by the banks, I feel kind of slighted that they have not asked me to lend some money, which in this situation, within reason, i would lend it if asked!

I have never supported any of my wife's relatives, just the wife and two step daughters, I love my MIL and FIL, they have never asked me for money in the 10 years I have been married (I was not asked for sin sot), If they ever do ask, I would do everything I possibly could do to help them, including lending them money.

Cheers:

[10Yen]

I give 100,000 a month to each of them, all 37.

[thaibeachlovers]

My wife, though i did buy the SIL a fridge and I helped my wife pay off the nephews m'bike before I knew better.

However, I rewired 2 of the family houses if that counts.

[BookMan]

My wife, though i did buy the SIL a fridge and I helped my wife pay off the nephews m'bike before I knew better.

However, I rewired 2 of the family houses if that counts.

Well, the re-wiring would not be free of charge, eh?

Edited December 10, 2013 by BookMan

[Munger]

Dont marry some poor Isaan girl who's familly grows rice ,

Thats 95% of the girls in Pattaya. I think your reply will hit a raw nerve with many of the guys from the UK

[canuckamuck]

My wife has blocked my attempts to buy stuff for family members many times. Especially her dad. She fears they will take advantage. I have on a few occasions helped with a worthy project. But it is always small stuff. Except for one night, the family got together to learn what they (two sisters and a brother) would inherit from dad. Somehow it was decided that as part of the overall inheritance, I needed to pay 10,000 to the BIL and SIL to help them each build a house. And also I inherited the father in law himself, to take care of when he gets old. Nothing said about mom though.

We did get about 50% of the land. So it wasn't all bad.

[10Yen]

Dont marry some poor Isaan girl who's familly grows rice ,

Thats 95% of the girls in Pattaya. I think your reply will hit a raw nerve with many of the guys from the UK

Apparently not, looking in TV archives, TV members all marry nobility.

[rgs2001uk]

I expect the usual replies , the same as every other anonymous forum, nobody gives money.

Reality is probably different.

I asked my wife why she doesnt give money to her mother.

Answer, why should I give to my mother, my mother will give it to my sister, my sister will give it to her husband,

the husband will spend it on cigarettes and whisky and give whats left to his mia noi.

No sin sot paid, no money given every month (from my wife or me).

THe simple truth is, 90% of the Thai/farang marriages that take place wouldnt happen in normal Thai circles (IMHO).

The Thais would already know the girls circumstances before he even met her (through personal introduction)

or would have asked the relevant questions by the second or third date.

Where I live there are at least three girls the Thais wont even look at, one married before with child, one an excellent girl would would make an excellent wife, family no good (Thai answer), the third comes with baggage. None of these girls have ever worked in a bar.

[HardenedSoul]

One way - NOT the only way - to gauge how far the tree extends is to look at how far down the socio-economic ladder your wife was before she hooked up with you.

BTW, isn't the term, "walking ATM" the most overused farang cliche in Thailand?

Anyway, you're only treated like one if you haven't got the stones to tell people where to go if/when they start taking the piss or if you're too scared to say no for fear of losing your deadbeat wife.

[andrewrooney]

My GF's dad is a cop, if he needs money he'll find it somewhere.

[falkan]

0, they already have too much..

[David48]

I give 100,000 a month to each of them, all 37.

Do you know that we are related ... (it's a distant connection) ... can I get back pay?

[Hardened Spanker]

Why do so many people assume all Thais regress to children once a Farang marries into the family?They survived before you turned up so they'll do it after,I cannot stand parasites!

[Yodrak]

Not an issue for me - they don't ask and, as far as I can see, none of the extended family need any financial assistance. Although, we did once pay for the portion of my mother-in-law's heart operation that her government insurance didn't cover.

[Berkshire]

This is a delicate question which needs to be sorted out BEFORE marriage (i.e., before she's got you by the nuts). You should know well beforehand if your future wife is going to be expecting you to dish out money to all of her family/extended family. If you've already been handing out money right and left (to impress her), you're already screwed. You can't just turn off the spicket on a whim, you'll be an even bigger jerk.

Ideally, only the parents are deserving of being looked after. But even then, you must be careful that the mother is not taking your money and giving to her other kids.

[beachproperty]

I've been with my wife for 10 years (married 7)....in the beginning she used to ask me for money to help her family....

I said to her "look ...we can give them the money ...then we don't have any or we can keep it for ourselves to take care of our family...what do you want to do?"

Her response was "we keep it".....

Haven't had a request since ...BUT when I see them in need (floods, drought etc.) I help at a little ...voluntarily.

Edited December 11, 2013 by beachproperty

[Straight8]

Why do so many people assume all Thais regress to children once a Farang marries into the family?They survived before you turned up so they'll do it after,I cannot stand parasites!

You are correct, they did survive, but merely surviving is now not an option.. they want to "Thrive" and the farang is going to be the one to help them.

God bless the farang!!!

[beachproperty]

Its funny about Thai women and money....WHY you ask? because when I was married in the West...my "wives" (yes I was married a few times before) would ask me for shopping money (always no less than $100 or the credit card).....Here in Thailand my wife doesn't ask I just give her 500-1000 baht and she squeals with delight.... I Love Thailand!

[tyler2208]

Dont marry some poor Isaan girl who's familly grows rice ,then it goes as far as your wife and children ,sorry if this seems harsh but its the truth and sometimes it hurts.

+1

[belg]

would you support them if you married your own kind in your home country ?

same same answer should apply...

buffalo ATM

the day you run out of money, if the day you are useless to all of them and will be replaced in a snap

[beachproperty]

would you support them if you married your own kind in your home country ?

same same answer should apply...

buffalo ATM

the day you run out of money, if the day you are useless to all of them and will be replaced in a snap

Yeah....you're right ....but in Thailand its "dimes on a dollar".....a lot cheaper as I pointed out earlier

But your right women are women....dump us men once we're no good to them anymore....

Same all over the world....

for me now though ....met a great Thai women ...and I'm happy....been so for 10 years...so nothing to complain about...