dating a shy university girl

[zeichen]

I am really surprised how archaic most posters seem to be. OP just move on. You sound like a typical guy who wants one thing from relationship. Fortunately there are many girls that want the same thing in Thailand. However there are still many more old fashioned one's that expect to have a solid relationship before getting intimate. Unless you are ready to commit to her then why push the issue.

I know of many young women here that are really old fashioned and wouldn't even kiss unless they were in love and knew their partner was equally committed. Also many young girls don't want to sacrifice their education and career for a relationship.

She might also be testing you to see how much you are willing to wait to prove that she is worth the effort.

If you do take it to the next level and break up with her, you might ruin it for the next guy who truly does love her.

I wonder if the posters here would make these same comments to guys trying to make it with their daughters?

[lemoncake]

I am really surprised how archaic most posters seem to be. OP just move on. You sound like a typical guy who wants one thing from relationship. Fortunately there are many girls that want the same thing in Thailand. However there are still many more old fashioned one's that expect to have a solid relationship before getting intimate. Unless you are ready to commit to her then why push the issue.

I know of many young women here that are really old fashioned and wouldn't even kiss unless they were in love and knew their partner was equally committed. Also many young girls don't want to sacrifice their education and career for a relationship.

She might also be testing you to see how much you are willing to wait to prove that she is worth the effort.

If you do take it to the next level and break up with her, you might ruin it for the next guy who truly does love her.

I wonder if the posters here would make these same comments to guys trying to make it with their daughters?

By old fashioned, do you mean frigid?

You do realize its almost year 2014, do not you? and a very large number have kids by the age of 16 not to mention become sexually active by the age of 13 if not younger.

[Water Buffalo]

Use your hand until she's ready or go find a twenty year-old slut if that please you.

By the way, i study at university here and quite a few of my Thai female friends are virgins. Is your girlfriend a virgin? It would explain all of this.

What is a virginity test ?

Should he put her in a bath and see if bubbles come up?

Also, does sexually active means "slut"? How old are you again?

Ask her.

I have met a lot of ladies who were easy to get into bed after "a couple of dates" - and they were ALL sluts. (in my opinion). I'm not condemning it, but the OP seems to be looking for a different type of girl than he has)

I am really surprised how archaic most posters seem to be. OP just move on. You sound like a typical guy who wants one thing from relationship. Fortunately there are many girls that want the same thing in Thailand. However there are still many more old fashioned one's that expect to have a solid relationship before getting intimate. Unless you are ready to commit to her then why push the issue.

I know of many young women here that are really old fashioned and wouldn't even kiss unless they were in love and knew their partner was equally committed. Also many young girls don't want to sacrifice their education and career for a relationship.

She might also be testing you to see how much you are willing to wait to prove that she is worth the effort.

If you do take it to the next level and break up with her, you might ruin it for the next guy who truly does love her.

I wonder if the posters here would make these same comments to guys trying to make it with their daughters?

By old fashioned, do you mean frigid?

You do realize its almost year 2014, do not you? and a very large number have kids by the age of 16 not to mention become sexually active by the age of 13 if not younger.

Teenage pregnancy is not really a good thing and by stating that it is getting more common doesn't justify it.

The OP's girlfriend is an adult. Why are you talking about minors?

Edited December 13, 2013 by Water Buffalo

[roamer]

I am really surprised how archaic most posters seem to be. OP just move on. You sound like a typical guy who wants one thing from relationship. Fortunately there are many girls that want the same thing in Thailand. However there are still many more old fashioned one's that expect to have a solid relationship before getting intimate. Unless you are ready to commit to her then why push the issue.

I know of many young women here that are really old fashioned and wouldn't even kiss unless they were in love and knew their partner was equally committed. Also many young girls don't want to sacrifice their education and career for a relationship.

She might also be testing you to see how much you are willing to wait to prove that she is worth the effort.

If you do take it to the next level and break up with her, you might ruin it for the next guy who truly does love her.

I wonder if the posters here would make these same comments to guys trying to make it with their daughters?

By old fashioned, do you mean frigid?

You do realize its almost year 2014, do not you? and a very large number have kids by the age of 16 not to mention become sexually active by the age of 13 if not younger.

Combining the kids at 13 and the Uni must be difficult.

[jackr]

Get a bit on the side until she's ready for a knee-trembler. ;-)

[n0mad]

i was in similar situation to you, i don't remember how long it took me to kiss her but i literally stole it from her 1 day in my home. Just a peck on the lips and after that the ice was broken and we slowly progressed further.

Overall, we discussed it which was important and we decided to travel to Phuket where it was planned we would have sex for the first time, that was after 6 months of being together.

the important way to progress things is to talk openly with her, mine was originally wanting to wait till marriage but after regularly talking and fooling around she moved on from that ideal.

i'm now married to this girl and things are great.

[lemoncake]

Ask her.

I have met a lot of ladies who were easy to get into bed after "a couple of dates" - and they were ALL sluts. (in my opinion). I'm not condemning it, but the OP seems to be looking for a different type of girl than he has)

Teenage pregnancy is not really a good thing and by stating that it is getting more common doesn't justify it.

The OP's girlfriend is an adult. Why are you talking about minors?

Do you really not get it?

If they become sexually active by the age of 13, they surely are not virgins by the age of 20

Getting into bed after a couple of dates is a "slut" in your book? again, how old are you? and what middle eastern country do you come from?

[aechzen]

but you sounds like 20 too , so its a good match

[lemoncake]

I am really surprised how archaic most posters seem to be. OP just move on. You sound like a typical guy who wants one thing from relationship. Fortunately there are many girls that want the same thing in Thailand. However there are still many more old fashioned one's that expect to have a solid relationship before getting intimate. Unless you are ready to commit to her then why push the issue.

I know of many young women here that are really old fashioned and wouldn't even kiss unless they were in love and knew their partner was equally committed. Also many young girls don't want to sacrifice their education and career for a relationship.

She might also be testing you to see how much you are willing to wait to prove that she is worth the effort.

If you do take it to the next level and break up with her, you might ruin it for the next guy who truly does love her.

I wonder if the posters here would make these same comments to guys trying to make it with their daughters?

By old fashioned, do you mean frigid?

You do realize its almost year 2014, do not you? and a very large number have kids by the age of 16 not to mention become sexually active by the age of 13 if not younger.

Combining the kids at 13 and the Uni must be difficult.

DO you know a way to skip teenage years and jump straight into uni?

[bender92]

How old are you? Sixty or so? Maybe she don't want to kiss grandpa.

[krisb]

Start with your hand on her leg.

[ezzra]

I wanted to make some smarty pants remarks regarding this topic, but I Will refrain....

[Water Buffalo]

Ask her.

I have met a lot of ladies who were easy to get into bed after "a couple of dates" - and they were ALL sluts. (in my opinion). I'm not condemning it, but the OP seems to be looking for a different type of girl than he has)

Teenage pregnancy is not really a good thing and by stating that it is getting more common doesn't justify it.

The OP's girlfriend is an adult. Why are you talking about minors?

Do you really not get it?

If they become sexually active by the age of 13, they surely are not virgins by the age of 20

Getting into bed after a couple of dates is a "slut" in your book? again, how old are you? and what middle eastern country do you come from?

What about the ones who didn't become sexually active at 13??

I have several university friends who are virgins and in their early twenties.

I am 26 and i come from the UK.

[napawan28]

I think 6 month or even 2 year isn't too long for Thai culture. She want to proof you that you love her or just want to have sex with her.

[Estrada]

If you are not trying hit and run and if you really like her why hurry? Can't you have some patience for someone you like?

Sure I can.

But I've been seeing her twice a week for six weeks, isn't that a bit long? That's a genuine question, not rhetorical... I dont know Thai dating culture.

But I know in the UK, go more than a few dates and you still haven't even kissed.. you're going to get friendzoned very fast.

Your one true friend and saviour is alcohol. Few Baccardi's or Spy's and doors to eden will open

This technique featured in the "Calmer Suitor" works wonders with the Thai girls:

[eddie61]

If you are not trying hit and run and if you really like her why hurry? Can't you have some patience for someone you like?

Yes, I can.

But I've been seeing her twice a week for six weeks, isn't that a bit long to be where we are? That's a genuine question, not rhetorical... I dont know Thai dating culture.

But I know in the UK, go more than a few dates and you still haven't even kissed, if you're not escalating things.. you're going to get friendzoned very fast.

Get some relief from old mrs.palm and her five lovely daughters....

[thaibook]

First ask if she is Muslim. If so, you need to convert before you can take it to the next level. Otherwise unlikely this will go anywhere.

In the more likely scenario that she is not a Muslim, she is probably just from a conservative background, where messing around with a boyfriend is frowned upon until some serious commitments are made. Also likely is that her family may not approve of her dating a foreigner and she is in limbo how to move forward. She would be ashamed to admit to this initially. In either case it will help if you invite a good female older friend, cousin or someone she trusts and looks up to to accompany you two on a date. Show the third person how charming you are, as she will be the one to decide on your future with the girl. At 20 she just isn't sure what to do, so she needs some backup. Offer it.

Been there done that with my gf. Family weren't really into foreigners (put mildly), but a couple of dates with chaperones (friends and female boss) gave her the courage to go through with it, disregarding her fears what her family might think. Very happy together for over 8 years now!!

I quite agree, ask her to invite a chaperone. I always used to suggest to girls I invited out (not any more as I have been married for many years now) that they also invite someone to accompany them. Even if she does not, you will come over as "kon dee" and there will be greater trust.

[bra]

I agree with posters that say she is very likely to be a virgin - most 20 year olds from "good" families are. And the reason is if they want to marry a Thai from a "good" family then their chances are very much reduced if they are not a virgin. Therefore she could be reluctant to loose it to you as you might leave her in the future - then what are her prospects? Thai society is far removed from Western society.

However if you have good intensions then keep the friendship going for as long as it takes - and this might be a long time - until she trusts you and see how things progress. If its too long then give up and find someone else.

If you just want to get laid then give up now and go to Soi Cowboy etc. And contrary to the comments bar girl haters in these pages you may meet a nice girl there too. But use good judgement.

[tingtongteesood]

You saw her 12 whole times and you expect to be in her pants already. Despite the ideas many people have about this country, a lot of Thai girls are still quite old fashioned and not that 'easy'. If she is that type then she will not want to do the horizontal mambo with you until she is sure she wants to marry you and you have made very clear that you want to and plan to marry her. Be warned, some Thai girls are for life, not just for Christmas...

[brit1984]

you came to the right place for advice

us web-forum members are all casanovas

i recommend to talk to your girlfriend

[Joe Mamma]

Watching my boys(young men) romancing these Thai girls here is entertaining. Oldest one wants action, youngest wants a deeper connection. Now on my second marriage and round of kids, i will get to go thru this again in another 8 years.

Glad i found a winner and keeper Thai lady, even if a couple decades my junior. Best to think long term my thoughts are.

[elliottm]

If you are not trying hit and run and if you really like her why hurry? Can't you have some patience for someone you like?

Yes, I can.

But I've been seeing her twice a week for six weeks, isn't that a bit long to be where we are? That's a genuine question, not rhetorical... I dont know Thai dating culture.

But I know in the UK, go more than a few dates and you still haven't even kissed, if you're not escalating things.. you're going to get friendzoned very fast.

For comparison, my now wife who was coming up to 30, it was 2 months to consummate the relationship.

Hand holding was a few weeks under the guise of practising a hand massage at Chatuchak park (there was occasional brushing of the breast as well).

However, what did surprise me was our 1st trip away, no sooner than we arrived at our Koh Tao hut than I was asked to draw the curtains. Maybe she could be persuaded to take a break from her study?

The wife was very traditionally brought up although had been in a 5 year relationship previously and had worked for 9 months in Vietnam so would be a bit more independent than when she was 20 at uni.

Indeed, her big brother wanted to assault a young man that answered her phone when she first went to uni (who was actually gay) and to kill the young man that first broke her heart (no intimacy reached).

So that is a cautionary advice. Are you in your 20s, a fellow student? Farang have a bad reputation, particularly with a somewhaat gratuitous age gap, so care would be advised, any introduction to carnal knowledge/introduction to the family will be seen as a long term commitment.

[zeichen]

"You do realize its almost year 2014, do not you? and a very large number have kids by the age of 16 not to mention become sexually active by the age of 13 if not younger."

Source please or is this personal knowledge or just another assumption from allegorical stories?

The only sources for teen pregnancy that I have seen in Thailand refer to rural poor and are only about pregnancy and nothing is on sexual activity.

Just because there is a high number of teen pregnancies in Thailand doesn't mean that all girls are having sex. There are many women and men that have traditional values and aren't influenced by it being 2014. I wonder why you would think that each year people should be more sexually active?

Studies from the US show that more teenagers are actually abstaining and the rate of teen pregnancy and sexual activity has declined in the past decade. So perhaps it is ok for Thais to follow that model also.

You seem to have a very narrow perception of Thailand and life in general.

[vtjforyou]

You saw her 12 whole times and you expect to be in her pants already. Despite the ideas many people have about this country, a lot of Thai girls are still quite old fashioned and not that 'easy'. If she is that type then she will not want to do the horizontal mambo with you until she is sure she wants to marry you and you have made very clear that you want to and plan to marry her. Be warned, some Thai girls are for life, not just for Christmas...

it seems that you don't really know the good girls...

[roadrunerboi]

Pictures please in uniform.

555

[spermwhale]

Or it could be you are with someone is naturally not talkative and shy. I say if you have to work too hard to keep the conversation going and you're doing all talking struggling to keep it interesting, it's time to move on. It's great that she is cute and nice -- but so are a million more Thai girls. Take it from someone with experience, if it's dull now, it will become boring after a while. Find someone that feeds your conversation and has a good personality.

[JUDAS]

...but after six weeks it feels a bit lame that we still havent even kissed.

Mate, my now wife screamed when I attempted to give her a peck on the cheek after she dropped me off on her motorbike back to my hotel and we had been seeing each other for months.

There was no hanky panky or kissy kissy until we were married.

Your idea of courting and your girlfriend's idea are worlds apart.

Let me get this straight, you did nothing until you were married? In Thailand? I can't believe what I am reading. Waltering.

What's not to believe. He sounds fine with it and obviously his wife to be was as well.

Here's something else you may find hard to believe: Some people actually respect others moral values.

[bangarang]

Well being that thailand is considered a conservative country dont beat yourself up too much over it. Dont be swayed by all the loose women reports from internet findings because thats only a small percent but looks bigger because thats all people report. I too was surpised that my wifes "appetite" was no where near what I was used to back home but you just need to be more understanding. Also you should consider yourself extremely lucky to have met such a "good girl" over here.

Continue to make her happy and the benefits will eventually come but dont be surprised if you have to wait until your at least engaged.

Also most thai people dont like to engage in PDA in public so dont be shocked about that. Its all about respect.

[Minnehaha]

All this shy Thai girl is just total BS,they all love boom boom,problem is they won't make the first move so it really is "Up to you"!

It really is up to you to make the move.

I first came here for couple years in '91 and was a young lad, dating young girls. I thought they were all shy. And they are... until you close the door and make a move. I will never forget the shock I had when a shy school teacher accepted my kiss and after 15 seconds dropped to her knees and attacked. She was a bit obsessed with that activity, as it turned out (happily). I realized then that I would never know what Thai women are capable of if I don't make an advance... and in some cases be slightly aggressive. That means ignoring small 'no's or objections. If you get a real NO you will know it. Some feel a need to object but it doesn't really mean STOP. You are not dealing with the same female mind as you might find in UK or USA etc.

Overall, I believe this observation is accurate. Young (and old) Thai women enjoy sex and will often accept an advance made but it needs to be done in complete private - not at her place, maybe at yours if it is clean and appropriate. If not, a short time hotel or any hotel is not a disgrace. It is viewed by many as discreet. The best option might be to suggest a holiday to an island. Then you are in the same room for a few days and all hell can break loose.

[jvs]

Communication is the answer,do you speak Thai?Does she really understand what you are saying?I know one Thai girl who also is twenty and i know for sure she will not get into any kind of relationship until she has finished her education.Her family is poor and she is the only one so far who has made it this far and the whole family is helping to get her educated.

The worst thing you can do is make her uncomfortable, and i am wondering about your age and wisdom.