Short rant, no comments required.

[simondan]

Contract hit?

[Xonax]

Just stop all payments to the grand-parents for the children, if you are not allowed to see your children. That´s how it works in Thailand.

I know it may sound tough, but I am sure that some kind of deal will be found within a few months, if the money flow suddenly stops. Just give them an ultimatum, that the money WILL stop, if you are not immediately allowed to see the children.

[Anon999]

"What I don’t understand is why (she) behave(s) like that?"

Because she's Thai.

You must have led a sheltered life it happens in all countries so don't blame anyone because of their nationality.

[Ghostnigel]

I know a chap who gets together with the 3 ex's and all the kids from them marriages once a year. Yep, he funds the fun.

i dont think that your remark was helpful. surely you have a better mind inside your head that could actually give this guy a nice piece of advice.

its far more nicer and respected to offer help than to make a witty joke about someones unfortunate situation.

The OP didn't ask for any help, in fact he asked us not to post, all we can do is sympathise and pray that he will get to see his kids for christmas, the OP will probably be glad that that guy gets to see his kids.

[benalibina]

To the O/P, sorry for you and your kids and all the kids around the world who suffer because their parents have issues of one kind or another that hurt children in ways that can never be fully understood.

I hate how in Thailand it seems the family of children get custody over parents. I don't get it.

Tuky I wish you well on the matter. I think maybe your lucky to have a sil who speaks to you at least. Some guys don't even have that. Yep it's a tough call.

"I hate how in Thailand ..."

Yes, of course, every problem known to mankind is somehow attributable to Thailand. If it weren't for Thailand, who could you blame for all the bad stuff?

Little harsh isnt it....if you stay in thailand and know something about the specific negatives of its culture...you would understand.....sorry to say, 1st world mentaility versus uneducated rural 2nd world.

[Ghostnigel]

Just stop all payments to the grand-parents for the children, if you are not allowed to see your children. That´s how it works in Thailand.

I know it may sound tough, but I am sure that some kind of deal will be found within a few months, if the money flow suddenly stops. Just give them an ultimatum, that the money WILL stop, if you are not immediately allowed to see the children.

Hmmm...that will have an affect on the kids, i'm not sure he should stop the payments without making the threat to the Ex first.

[Thaddeus]

Just stop all payments to the grand-parents for the children, if you are not allowed to see your children. That´s how it works in Thailand.

I know it may sound tough, but I am sure that some kind of deal will be found within a few months, if the money flow suddenly stops. Just give them an ultimatum, that the money WILL stop, if you are not immediately allowed to see the children.

Hmmm...that will have an affect on the kids, i'm not sure he should stop the payments without making the threat to the Ex first.

Quite.

This situation has enough victims already, I doubt that Tuky will add the kids to the list.

[ChoakMyDee]

Really sorry to hear this story. I hope that some day you can have a relationship with your kids. Their mother may be able to poison their minds against you now but eventually they will learn the truth and when they are older she cannot stop them from seeing you. Wishing you the best.

[spiritrace]

Too bad the courts are so backward on this subject. What happened to you is more common than not. Some women would sacrifice the happieness of their own children just to get even. Many women are very self centered preditors. With an honest Judge, those text messages would be enough to rule more on your side.

[MAJIC]

I wouldn't dream of preaching,from what you say,things haven't worked out for her,she has made big mistakes:Like losing the 2 houses and car to loan sharks,how she lost them,is easy to work out in Thailand,so no need for me to give an opinion.

She is eaten up with hatred and jealousy because you are sending money for your children and not to her! usually extreme bitterness of this nature is fuelled by money disagreements,or other money problems,in this case probably of her her own making!

I don't quite understand why you telegraph, your time to come to see the Children,when you know the reception your ex wife will give you,why not just turn up unannounced and see the children,before she has a chance to get her Broomstick Airborn? and give the children's support money direct to the Grandparents,or Sister in law,as usual.

After all these years since you separated from your ex,things should have settled down somewhat,the fact that it has not happened tells me,you may be dealing with a unreasonable,mentally unstable,person! watch your back!

Edited December 19, 2013 by MAJIC

[myluckythai]

it is not helping you right now i guess,but my baby has a double nationality. I made a pasport from my homecountry for her too. So if i feel my baby would be better of with me and not the grandparents,i will be able to take her with me on her european passport. It will need a quick action and a carefull one,not to be arrested on sort of a kidnap allegation i guess,but she is a european citizen so once i've taken her i will not have problems back home with this and i imagine if i only show the european passport at customs they will not make a problem of me travelling with her too.

[cup-O-coffee]

Tuky, you don't want any comments, so I'll make a suggestion. I presume that some day your children will be old enough to make their own decisions and be able to go where they wish, without their mother haunting their steps.

Why not save every SMS to one of your memory cards, and when that gets full, get another memory card and store those memory cards?

Why not save a PDF of every money transfer you send for their well-being? Save it to the memory stick.

When the day comes that your grown up children seek you out to ask you why you were such a terrible dad, you can share the memories with them so they can understand and have the chance to re-evaluate or order of things.

Perhaps you might consider this a dish served cold to a very unreasonable human being, as well as a reunion to establish a fresh, new beginning?

It is difficult to build on a relationship when your arms and legs are tied up tight.

Have an eye to the future. Protect that which is sacred to you by preserving it for another day. All the best, and I hope your life is seeing better horizons as you sail on...

[Rupert2]

My x started saying the same stuff after about 9 years married. Stuff like I wish you were dead. Luckely I Have my Son and Daughter in a situation here in Hawaii where she can't harm them too much.

Good luck for the future.

[rct99q]

I had a response all typed out and thought I would read through the current replies only to see that everyone seems to agree you are in a sticky wicket. I also read the part about you not wanting "man up" comments!

Well I guess that is it then......you know how this is all going to end. If you continue doing what you are doing....and your ex-wife and family continue doing what they are doing....two more wonderful Thai children will end up like all the rest under the growing up with the grandparents.

Not to sound harsh but not much you can do really. Some seem to know you personally on here. Do you live in Thailand? Why not take the kids with you were you live? You state you wish she would just go away........seriously you believe a bitter ex-wife (thai or not) will allow their ex the satisfaction of getting something they want? She will never change. You now that and so does everybody else.

I have two children here, a wonderful wife, and know what I would do if it ever came to your situation. I would man up and take control of my childrens lives....I spend every last dime nickel or penny I could beg, borrow or steal and find the best lawyer in the land (one that does the dirty work that some find revolting) and get my children out of Thailand.

But that is just me.

[atyclb]

I dont mean to be rude or offensive and I do not know your ex personally but the way she speaks and responds I do know quite well from first hand experience with a family member who is alcoholic.

Very common to shift and point blame and accuse everyone ELSE of lying. That behavior can also be seen in chemical addiction (non alcohol)

That style can also reflect level of emotional-intellectual maturity.

Edited December 20, 2013 by atyclb

[aboctok]

I know a chap who gets together with the 3 ex's and all the kids from them marriages once a year. Yep, he funds the fun.

i dont think that your remark was helpful. surely you have a better mind inside your head that could actually give this guy a nice piece of advice.

its far more nicer and respected to offer help than to make a witty joke about someones unfortunate situation.

You should talk to Mel Brooks. He made a name for himself, creating idiotic characters, but evidently, he's far from idiotic himself. He has an interesting perspective on humor in very miserable circumstances. Sometimes it can make all the difference.

There are quite a few responses for the OP to consider; what "nice piece" of advice do you think has been left out? We don't know him personally—maybe a wry smile could momentarily lighten things up.

[aboctok]

Tuky, you don't want any comments, so I'll make a suggestion. I presume that some day your children will be old enough to make their own decisions and be able to go where they wish, without their mother haunting their steps.

Why not save every SMS to one of your memory cards, and when that gets full, get another memory card and store those memory cards?

Why not save a PDF of every money transfer you send for their well-being? Save it to the memory stick.

When the day comes that your grown up children seek you out to ask you why you were such a terrible dad, you can share the memories with them so they can understand and have the chance to re-evaluate or order of things.

Perhaps you might consider this a dish served cold to a very unreasonable human being, as well as a reunion to establish a fresh, new beginning?

It is difficult to build on a relationship when your arms and legs are tied up tight.

Have an eye to the future. Protect that which is sacred to you by preserving it for another day. All the best, and I hope your life is seeing better horizons as you sail on...

I hit Like mainly for your clip of a very relentless Chuck Norris.

[thaibeachlovers]

Sometimes relationships suck, some more than others.

Unfortunately that's life.

If my ex from hell contacted me, I'd probably call her all those names too.

[DickFarang]

it is not helping you right now i guess,but my baby has a double nationality. I made a pasport from my homecountry for her too. So if i feel my baby would be better of with me and not the grandparents,i will be able to take her with me on her european passport. It will need a quick action and a carefull one,not to be arrested on sort of a kidnap allegation i guess,but she is a european citizen so once i've taken her i will not have problems back home with this and i imagine if i only show the european passport at customs they will not make a problem of me travelling with her too.

1. In most countries children need permission of BOTH parents to travel.

2. Even if your daughter possesses a foreign passport, I guess there is no arrival stamp in it.

[Puyai]

it is not helping you right now i guess,but my baby has a double nationality. I made a pasport from my homecountry for her too. So if i feel my baby would be better of with me and not the grandparents,i will be able to take her with me on her european passport. It will need a quick action and a carefull one,not to be arrested on sort of a kidnap allegation i guess,but she is a european citizen so once i've taken her i will not have problems back home with this and i imagine if i only show the european passport at customs they will not make a problem of me travelling with her too.

1. In most countries children need permission of BOTH parents to travel.

2. Even if your daughter possesses a foreign passport, I guess there is no arrival stamp in it.

1. It is very rare to be asked to show permission. (if your name is on the birth certificate)

2. You will also need the child's birth certificate to show the place of birth. This will explain the no arrival stamp.

[Patsycat]

Tuks, go down to our "private" place and pour it all out...

[tuky]

Update:

I never answer my phone, I keep the ringtone off as the only person who ever calls me is the ex.

In the last few days I have ignored a lot of calls, most from the ex, but two of the call had left voicemails.

Yep, it was my girls. They don't speak English so they wouldn't have understood the voicemail message. It was so sad listening to them say HarlooOO, HarlooOO Daddy.

I spoke with sis in law and they have gone to Udon for the holidays. So I called.

My Thai is very limited, but we had a great 30 minute call, we sang our Daddy rak [childs name] and Daddy rak [other childs name] and child rak daddy etc TO THE MOON.

We spoke about school, about their birthdays, about this and that.

It was really cool.

I spoke with ex MIL and told her don't tell ex, she agreed.

She says come to visit and she will not tell ex.

Having said that, I have been through this all many times before. Hopes up then ex finds out and it all turns to <deleted>.

But you never know.

It was great talking to them.

[FiftyTwo]

Why can't you and your kids speak the same language?

(If I may ask)

[tuky]

The marriage blew up whilst the kids were still young.

I have paid for, and have receipts for 7 years of English language lessons for the kids.

If I ask them in Thai if they can speak English they say yes.

If I ask them in English they have no idea what I am talking about.

On that note, I am outta here. 10 years and 8k posts on Thaivisa I feel my time here is done.

I feel sharing my life on the internet is not something I want continue doing.

Thanks everyone.

tuky

[benalibina]

As it looks like as per above post u gonna quit on here. U indicated on ur OP that it was just a short rant and no comments please.

I dont know the specific happenings which have led to all this. What u have posted and what i remember about it, is that ur ex is a dangerous woman whose influence is so big that u fear to meet her. Ur kids are under the care of her family with at least a decent person around in it. U can call and speak with them. U are their father and will always be that. Ur children are apparantly withheld from a better life and future. Ur ex is to blame, that is apparant by ur writing. U state that ur not in the position to change anything.

This initial rant shows that it bothers u. I truly hope for u and ur kids that u will be able in the future to stand up for them. They,most likely, deserve alot better and more than what they are getting now. In this case UP TO YOU !!

Yes, i realize, easier said than done.

Good luck.

[96tehtarp]

Tuky, all the best and godspeed. What you describe does not happen exclusively in Thailand. Good luck.

[slipperylobster]

all too familiar.

My son will have his high school diploma in one year. I barely got to see him, and suffered all the same abuses...if not more. The mom passed away from cancer, last year, but I did not even believe a word of it, as there had been nothing but lies and abuses. Turned out that it was true. Her final act...but she left a legacy. She told my son to tell me she was married the whole time, and that he has another father (but he is my biological son). He decided to come clean, and got it all out. Now living with his Aunt by choice. He is in the Philippines, and does not want to live in Thailand until he graduates. I try to visit there, but gave up wanting to be a victim, so I came to Thailand only 2 years before his mom died. If I only knew...but that was the coup de gras.

[farang000999]

Why don't you man up and get legal custody of the children?