Am I just a farang bank to her?

[BIGTOE3]

My gf gave me 2000 Baht the other day and sent me off to have a few beers for a couple of days.

The money is fast running out though....what should I do?

Study your Football while having a few beers might be a good start

BT

[jomcondo]

Her family have a very common sickness in Thailand called greed.

[Hardened Spanker]

it`s string around the wrists, chains around the ankles,lol, walk now very quickly, or really try to do it without to much money involved and see if she still likes you,lol, make up an excuse saying you cannot access your money and see if she says don't worry, only suggestions, but you may be lucky, but could cost you dearly also.

I actually did this 2 days ago. told her I couldn't access my money. She didn't really say anything but got a little upset. Tonight she wanted to go to dinner and she may have just been talking about me and her but her mom was there and I didn't want to get into buying dinner for everyone one so I told her I had to save for dowry. She told me to go find rice then and left with her mother. I hope she wasn't planning on just us going to dinner??? but when I go with her mom she just orders and orders. I think that everyone is done eating and food keeps coming...lol oh well, she said she would contact me when she was done.

For you to turn up with your credit card and pay the bill?

Right! She was sad and crying that I wasn't being sincere with her like I had been in the past. I try and tell her that I expect her to spend quality time with me without parents around. She has lame excuses like she is tired, has work to do, has duty to do, has to take care of her sister. But we can talk at the shop with her mom that is always interjecting. I just hope I am not hurting a sincere persons feelings.

C'mon guy,you are being seriously played here,as for giving the ring back it is one of the oldest sales techniques in the book,known as "The Takeaway".To make you feel guilty and to make her seem 100% sincere.

I feel sorry for you as I think most guys on this thread do as it could be any of us but you need to take a step back from this situation before you get sucked in any further.Clear your head and go away to think about all of this,do you really think she won't be around after 8 months if you turn up with 5 million baht or whatever you can negotiate it down to?

It certainly shouldn't be more than a million but these people just seem like consummate conmen to me.

You may be a film producer but believe me,a 19-year old Thai girl in Thailand can make Robert Di Niro,Al Pacino and Marlon Brando look like rank amateurs when it comes to acting skills!

[tingtongtingtong]

My God! I'm starting to feel like I want money from you (or her) for the amount of time and effort I have put into this thread.

I'll PM you my bank swift so you (or her) can transfer money into it.

You can lead a horse to water...

Edited January 4, 2014 by tingtongtingtong

[drx13]

I believe that anything you say or tell the Thai family about expectations, your situatation et al, just blows by them, they have their agenda and that's it, good or bad.

[drx13]

I believe that anything you say or tell the Thai family about expectations, your situatation et al, just blows by them, they have their agenda and that's it, good or bad.

Where's the edit to correct my spelling ?

[Icarus1]

Yeah, it may be heavy on the heart bro, but she is fleecing you. As to the comments about the uncle and "sister", that could be genuine, or it could be nothing, but I think the real issue here lays with feelings. Your feeling of love towards her, but youre not feeling anythng in return, and this should make you realise you need to leave the situation, her and her family behind you and get out of there. sorry dude.

[seajae]

mate, you are in a tight position but for what its worth I will tell you what happened to me. My wife owns a new house(only a few years old, paid over 3 mil for it) and also owns a block of new units(she bought them last year, also over 3 mil), she manages a company that deals internationally and is a on a very good wage. She was divorced with a daughter and her family asked for 300,000 sin sod which was to pay for the wedding then returned, 5 mil is a joke and a total rip off. She supported me financially for 8 months and she knew I was not "rich" when we met. You need to ask yourself whether or not this girl would stand by you if you were in the same position as me, from what you have said the answer would be no so in that case I doubt there is any love involved. If she was sincere she would be making time for you and not going out of her way to avoid being alone with you. If she says she needs to know you can take care of her(which is a fair statement) simply show her your bank account or prove you have the money, you do not have to give it to her. The fact that she refuses to spend time with you and that she wants to end it because she thinks you are not rich says it all really, someone sincere would not be doing this, they would be trying to work it out with you. I have my wife siting beside me, she is a country girl and a very honest and sincere person, she thinks this does not sound correct and there is more to it. I would be calling her bluff, I would be taking the ring back along with the money then showing her exactly how much you do have in the bank and earn, why you havent done this already is a bit strange too, I told my wife my financial situation up front because I wanted her to know I was serious and not just playing around, in fact I told her everything about me and she did the same, if you two havent done this then its total bullshit. Get it all back then stay at your hotel and make her chase you, as my wife says, this just isnt right.

[sdshaman]

OP needs to check her ID. She says she is 19. This is 2557 which implies she was born in 2538 or maybe 2537. It's on the ID.

OP also needs to wise up big time. He is in Asia not USA. It's very different here.

When money becomes the primary objective and not love, it is time to learn an expensive or cheap lesson (depends on your point of view) and move along rapidly.

There are lots of inconsistencies in this story, too numerous to mention. It has all the hallmarks of a scam ---- a Thai woman who speaks English on the internet ???????

her id does say she is 19. she thought that i would be upset at this thinking she was older. i actualy did think she was older before we met. she thought this would be a problem. she can read english better than she can speak or understand it. her father speaks a little better. I just hope i am not hurting a sincere persons feeling now.

[sdshaman]

I believe that anything you say or tell the Thai family about expectations, your situatation et al, just blows by them, they have their agenda and that's it, good or bad.

this is 100 % correct.

[seajae]

then again maybe her parents are the ones setting this up and the daughter is only doing what they tell her too, she may simply not want to be with an old(er) man but her parents are forcing her to do it for their benefit, would be a lot more plausable. The fact that money is more important than feelings to her makes it very possible, mate, I would be telling dad tomorrow that you are not prepared to pay out all the money required when you do not spend time together alone, you are engaged and that should be enough to do so. Could well be she is scared you will find out she is not the virginal person she is making herself out to be, to late when your married and they have your money.

[Rakathaorai]

Most Thai girls are driven by a desire to help and support their parents, this help includes marrying for money. But just because they do marry for money doesn't mean to say the relationship they enter into isn't a strong and loving one that will endure. The cynics will be along shortly to tell us that the issues of love and money shouldn't be mixed, regrettably it is so here in Thailand and it's part of the culture in many families so you may as well accept that.

So really all that leaves is the question of your feelings and how much, as you are finding out the amount is negotiable and you can't really fault them for starting with a high number, what you finish with is another story however. The option of course is to say it's all nonsense, in which case your relationship is likely over and you will have to walk away, the choice is yours. From experience the engagement party is not common and the exchange of rings sounds like a cross between old Thai and modern farang cultures, bless them! It sounds to me like you had an engagement party and not a wedding, you would almost certainly know if it was the latter.

Yes she is driven by the desire to support her parents. At our second talk about dowry it was just me and her mom. She said that she didn't think I was stable enough to take care of her and I walked away... maybe should have kept going. The next day her dad called and wanted to have breakfast like we did every day before. He said they liked me and the dowry was up to me. I see her mom always on facebk with over 3000 friends so I know she is concerned about gossip.

I think the engagement was what it was because I am a good guy and only here for a short time and they do not want to loose me (or my ATM) . I did feel pressured into it, but that is the past now. She wanted me to have a ring since I will soon leave for 7-8 month to travel and work. She always tells me I better not take it off. I think that they are sincere, but this practice is still shady! It was announced as an engagement, with no monk. The string tying thing at her grandparents is what threw me for a loop. I thought that was for marry??

OMG man 99.9999999% these people are scammers playing your <3 ! You are THE PERFECT target..... green as they come AND you have to disappear for work 7-8 months at a time!

Grab as much of your gold and money back asap and run for the hills! Then use some of it on an investigator who will provide you evidence of this girl playing other farang at the same time with a similar story, likely that the daughter is hers and that she already has a Thai bf or husband that she is having conjugal relations on a regular basis... likely all of these combined.

Then you can feel much better and justified about being a bastard for a few minutes grabbing all your money and gold back!

Most probably you will also get info from the PI about the other guys she is scamming and you can save them some grief and would be happy to pitch in on the PI costs to see the evidence themselves!

FYi there are heaps of affordable reliable investigators around precise because this type of shit is par for the course in SE Asia!

Edited January 4, 2014 by Rakathaorai

[LeftCoaster]

If she had so much time for you online previously, why no time now due to work etc?

[Whidbeyboy]

If you spent some of your internet time researching Thailand Culture BEFORE you decided to go on a social network site to meet your Bride, you may have found yourself in a different position ..... Look before you leap !! .... ... CHOKDEE ... Now over to the synpathisers .....

Thanks for the wasted and arrogant answer that he staed he could do without. I had no experience like this guy did so you never know what to expect. You can't read about every experience you may run into.

Plus he isn't looking for sympathizeres. He is looking for information, something you failed to read. Ironic.

[sdshaman]

If she had so much time for you online previously, why no time now due to work etc?

She has time, but only at her shop? not go anywhere and do anything. not even after work. Always excuse like take care of sister, duty etc. Today she said she would, and tonight I kind of blew my chance because maybe she wanted to go to dinner just me and her but her mom was there and I didn't want to take her to. But before that she kept telling me that we could talk at her shop after work because she is tired etc. She not make effort to go do anything. She told me that we could go to the sea together in 10 days, if I pay for trip for family. I say we can't do anything before then? I work, I have duty, I take care sister..... If relationship was about other than money I feel she would make more effort

[sdshaman]

If you spent some of your internet time researching Thailand Culture BEFORE you decided to go on a social network site to meet your Bride, you may have found yourself in a different position ..... Look before you leap !! .... ... CHOKDEE ... Now over to the synpathisers .....

Thanks for the wasted and arrogant answer that he staed he could do without. I had no experience like this guy did so you never know what to expect. You can't read about every experience you may run into.

Plus he isn't looking for sympathizeres. He is looking for information, something you failed to read. Ironic.

Thanks for your support. I did read and looked to Thailand because of peoples wonderful experience. I really thought that this girl and her family were sincere. I just hope I am not over reading the money thing and now hurting her sincere feelings with my doubt. She was crying before I contacted her tonight after she went to dinner. I saw her in her shop and called her. That makes me feel bad, but at the same time there seams to be no concern for my feelings that we are never alone together. That was a big reason we did it. "so we can go everywhere together and it not matter what people think"

Edited January 4, 2014 by sdshaman

[sdshaman]

If she had so much time for you online previously, why no time now due to work etc?

She has time, but only at her shop? not go anywhere and do anything. not even after work. Always excuse like take care of sister, duty etc. Today she said she would, and tonight I kind of blew my chance because maybe she wanted to go to dinner just me and her but her mom was there and I didn't want to take her to. But before that she kept telling me that we could talk at her shop after work because she is tired etc. She not make effort to go do anything. She told me that we could go to the sea together in 10 days, if I pay for trip for family. I say we can't do anything before then? I work, I have duty, I take care sister..... If relationship was about other than money I feel she would make more effort

Trip for family to the seaside,so that they can all cockblock you there as well at your expense?

Seriously guy,I think it's time you punched the Mother straight in the face and told this POS where to go!

exactaly! that is why I post here because I want to make sure I am not doing wrong. Real peoples opinion that know more than me is greatly appriciated!

[David48]

To sdshaman ... mate, I get a bit confused sometimes, I'm getting older.

You are still in Thailand correct?

I'm not at the moment ... what time is it in Thailand now?

I always get the time adjustment wrong.

Thanks in Advance ...

[sdshaman]

To sdshaman ... mate, I get a bit confused sometimes, I'm getting older.

You are still in Thailand correct?

I'm not at the moment ... what time is it in Thailand now?

I always get the time adjustment wrong.

Thanks in Advance ...

Yes and it is 3am

and of course I cannot sleep because I do not want to do wrong to her if this is really sincere

Edited January 4, 2014 by sdshaman

[tingtongtingtong]

I smell a troll

[David48]

To sdshaman ... mate, I get a bit confused sometimes, I'm getting older.

You are still in Thailand correct?

I'm not at the moment ... what time is it in Thailand now?

I always get the time adjustment wrong.

Thanks in Advance ...

Yes and it is 3am

Great ... thanks for that.

I was going to ring my girl, but I didn't want to wake her up.

Hey ... BTW ... 3am ... WOW ... can't sleep?

I'd thought you'd be sleeping ready for your day later in the morning.

Doesn't your girlfriend get Sunday off so you can have fun together?

Oh, if it's not too personal ... do you sleep with your lady now (I don't mean the sex thing) ... just share a room together? In the Family house?

[Friendly Stranger]

I'm not here to judge as we've all had issues but seriously "grow up". And I don't even say this to be a dick nor am I on my high horse.

If you think it's bad now just wait until they really twist the screws on you.

Maybe they're scamming or not but to them it is your duty to give them the life THEY feel they deserve so they can keep up with the Somchai's.

Seriously dude, I hope you get the answer and make the right choice as we don't want an updated story of you totally broke and kicked off the planet.

Good luck

Edited January 4, 2014 by Friendly Stranger

[stiggy]

Never cease to amaze me how many men come to Thailand and turn into love sick teenagers, then go asking on public forums for advice.

Simple adult decision : If your happy, stay with it, if not cut your losses and move on.

[sdshaman]

To sdshaman ... mate, I get a bit confused sometimes, I'm getting older.

You are still in Thailand correct?

I'm not at the moment ... what time is it in Thailand now?

I always get the time adjustment wrong.

Thanks in Advance ...

Yes and it is 3am

Great ... thanks for that.

I was going to ring my girl, but I didn't want to wake her up.

Hey ... BTW ... 3am ... WOW ... can't sleep?

I'd thought you'd be sleeping ready for your day later in the morning.

Doesn't your girlfriend get Sunday off so you can have fun together?

Oh, if it's not too personal ... do you sleep with your lady now (I don't mean the sex thing) ... just share a room together? In the Family house?

No I am staying at a hotel close to their shop.

No they work 7 days a week, 10-12 hours a day. She will not let her mom work alone because she says she worries about her if we go in the day. But before we got engaged we went places evry day. That is why it sounds weird. Now she is reluctant to go even after work, where before we would go some place evry night with family

[sdshaman]

then again maybe her parents are the ones setting this up and the daughter is only doing what they tell her too, she may simply not want to be with an old(er) man but her parents are forcing her to do it for their benefit, would be a lot more plausable. The fact that money is more important than feelings to her makes it very possible, mate, I would be telling dad tomorrow that you are not prepared to pay out all the money required when you do not spend time together alone, you are engaged and that should be enough to do so. Could well be she is scared you will find out she is not the virginal person she is making herself out to be, to late when your married and they have your money.

yes this is exactally how I feel. She is always scared to tell me things that are turn points. The other night when we got back from her grandparents was a big one. She was upset ans didn't want to make them sad because they had good feel for me. On the way home everyone was laughing and she was holding me and I fell asleep only to wake up to serious talk and her feeling distant. She did tell me not to email about her crying. Her mom obviously screens all the emails. that would all make sense with what you said

[shaurene]

Hi Mate. You never said how old you are and how old your GF.

Dowry is for marriage not heard of it for engagement, possibly a deposit before the you marry, 100k is the norm and a piece of gold.

I am married and my wife has 16yr old daughter who I consider my daughter, she loves me very much. She has boy friend 19 we just had his family around to negotiate the dowry I stay out of it but my wife keep coming out to tell and ask me what I think. My daughter is young, virgin and a beauty B/F family love her and want her in family. I told my wife to go for 500k they start at 50k then up it to 100k plus 1bt neck chain, then my wife wants me to come in and sit with her and daughter so I do. My wife translates for me I tell them this is not a pathname market thing they are getting a good educated young lady so I say 350k they up it to 150k I come in with 300k they come back with 200k so I give a good talk and say last price is 250k they go for it so smiles all around my daughter puts arm around me. The B/F mother comes with the necklace for the deposit hand shakes all around and it is done so all good, they are going to Finnish school before the marriage.

You will need to talk with your lady mate and make some of the rules, best of luck

[Rakathaorai]

I don't think anyone told you that OP means Original Poster ... ie YOU

Additionally if your fiancee has the baby at age 13 (very common out there) her body would bounce back very fast and have no stretch marks or other signs.

The guy who recommended a lawyer and yourself for thinking that is a good idea don't really have much fore thought .... what good would that do? Allow you to write up a better dowry contract or something?

As I said before hire a professional investigator and mate if I am not right I will pay the bill for you! Also as some said do some investigative work yourself ... new online account ... ask to see her computer phone etc ... be honest say that because from all your recent research that everyone says that she will have other bfs on the go and you want to prove that wrong..... she wont give you access though. Why? because there will be evidence of this.

I agree AZNs can lie better than farang ... face is their nature!

[Friendly Stranger]

Sound of smacking myself in the face!!

I actually am going to judge. I just gazed through some of your latest posts and too decided you're a TROLL.. No one goes on a site like this and as a first post knowing the responses they'll get and still goes on and on with your apologist responses.

No one is this bad!

Question for you.

If the mother kicked you in the nuts and the daughter cries, will you still say you don't want to raise your voice to sound insincere....

sdshaman is a sham man.

Congrats on the post of the year, oops, it's only Jan 4th..

[Rakathaorai]

exactaly! that is why I post here because I want to make sure I am not doing wrong. Real peoples opinion that know more than me is greatly appriciated!

You posted this at 3 am Thailand time ...... are you really in Thailand?

If you don't listen to our well seasoned advice you aren't for real man ......

edit: an admin should check his ip address!

Edited January 4, 2014 by Rakathaorai

[lanng khao]

A fool and his money....can throw one hell of a party..

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