Double Standard

[Somsrisonphimai]

I just wanted to bring this to your attention that foreigners/farangs are being treated differently compared to Thai men.

[flyingdoc]

Recycler and Somarisonphimai are the only two who are passing valid comments on this topic. I am sure that the

original question was directed at girls/women living in Thailand outside BKK or major cities, where they can be

some of the most conservative imaginable!

[Sam Gold]

"The parents seemed to look the other way when their daughter is having children with foreigner/farang without marriage, however, if the father were to be Thai, the parents would pressure the couple in to making some sort of commitment i.e. getting married. Why is that?"

In my experience, having their daughter date a farang is considered to be lucky for all the reasons mentioned in this thread already (prospect of having good looking luk krueng "superstars" in the village, financial security...).

As often in Thailand everything is about face: for lower classes, the daughter dating a farang is de facto a major face enhancing thing and so there is less urgency.

And unlike Thai men, farangs don't have a reputation for running off as soon as the word "responsibility" is on the cards - people know foreigners (especially older ones) often don't mind if a woman has children already, often taking care of them and even adopting them/sending them to study abroad in some cases.

All these reasons combined lead to a more flexible approach.

[reptile91602]

My wife, who is from a middle class Thai family and have no hookers in the family is always friendly to any thai woman who is respectful to her. There just aren't that many that are. Mostly educated Thai woman. She couldn't make but few Thai women friends when living 20 years in the states and can't do it here. The funny thing is that we have met many falang with prostitute wives and my wife tried to be friends with them but they all thought they were better than my wife because we lived a fairly simple life style. They always were showing off whatever crappy gift there man would give them. My wife could care less and ultimately could never have any kind of normal relationship with these girls . The katoys are much better to befriend than the woman.

[wade72]

Your asking us farang about thai parents. Sorry, I never had thai parents however I do know this, I was not allowed to bang my wife until we were married, not with her parents knowledge anyway so it was sneaking around for us as we were getting married anyway Not all parents allow the daughters to bed farang, I guess it would depend on the parents and their lack of morals that probably rub off on the children, don't you know any girls whose parents don't allow it,lol. Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

Same Me and I agree

Even Though me and my wife were 29 at the time we had to get married before she could stay with me or bang me... We were banging anyway...

Another thing is I have never given her family one baht or have they asked..

I think there is all kinds of different family's with different morals throughout Thailand.. To say all Thais are one way is wrong.

Same here, I was 29 my wife was 26, so not much of an age gap. In our case however they basically didn't care about the ceremony and wanted the legal requirements dealt with. ie: we got married at the government office. All the family went out to dinner later at The Intercontinental, which her oldest brother insisted on paying for.

I was never ask for 1 baht in Sin Sot and the topic has never come up. I think though since all of her family is educated in western countries and most have worked overseas they understand the western culture allot better then most.

PS.... Wife's family was not impressed about her marrying a farang. 13 years on and they have decided that I am house broken and won't wee on the carpet.

[wade72]

My wife, who is from a middle class Thai family and have no hookers in the family is always friendly to any thai woman who is respectful to her. There just aren't that many that are. Mostly educated Thai woman. She couldn't make but few Thai women friends when living 20 years in the states and can't do it here. The funny thing is that we have met many falang with prostitute wives and my wife tried to be friends with them but they all thought they were better than my wife because we lived a fairly simple life style. They always were showing off whatever crappy gift there man would give them. My wife could care less and ultimately could never have any kind of normal relationship with these girls . The katoys are much better to befriend than the woman.

Reptile,

Ya same situation, when we lived in Canada for 6 years the wife mainly only had farang friends, a couple exceptions. Pretty much the same scenario though, them trying to show off, her not giving a crap about their newest gucci handbag. Here the wife tried to be friends with a couple of the mothers (possibly bar girls) of some of the kids in the international school that our kids go to.

They kept trying to drag her into their family drama, which didn't go over well with her, or me for that matter.

[Somsrisonphimai]

"The parents seemed to look the other way when their daughter is having children with foreigner/farang without marriage, however, if the father were to be Thai, the parents would pressure the couple in to making some sort of commitment i.e. getting married. Why is that?"

In my experience, having their daughter date a farang is considered to be lucky for all the reasons mentioned in this thread already (prospect of having good looking luk krueng "superstars" in the village, financial security...).

As often in Thailand everything is about face: for lower classes, the daughter dating a farang is de facto a major face enhancing thing and so there is less urgency.

And unlike Thai men, farangs don't have a reputation for running off as soon as the word "responsibility" is on the cards - people know foreigners (especially older ones) often don't mind if a woman has children already, often taking care of them and even adopting them/sending them to study abroad in some cases.

All these reasons combined lead to a more flexible approach.

So to sum it all up, when choosing a mate, farangs are more superior than Thais?

[wade72]

"The parents seemed to look the other way when their daughter is having children with foreigner/farang without marriage, however, if the father were to be Thai, the parents would pressure the couple in to making some sort of commitment i.e. getting married. Why is that?"

In my experience, having their daughter date a farang is considered to be lucky for all the reasons mentioned in this thread already (prospect of having good looking luk krueng "superstars" in the village, financial security...).

As often in Thailand everything is about face: for lower classes, the daughter dating a farang is de facto a major face enhancing thing and so there is less urgency.

And unlike Thai men, farangs don't have a reputation for running off as soon as the word "responsibility" is on the cards - people know foreigners (especially older ones) often don't mind if a woman has children already, often taking care of them and even adopting them/sending them to study abroad in some cases.

All these reasons combined lead to a more flexible approach.

So to sum it all up, when choosing a mate, farangs are more superior than Thais?

No... pick someone you care about and have a connection with regardless of what his/her skin color is.... As I always say "No culture has a monopoly on Assh*les, we all get issued our fair share"

[wym]

OP is a Thai woman

Yah think so really?

Evidence? Have you met in person?

[Somsrisonphimai]

Your asking us farang about thai parents. Sorry, I never had thai parents however I do know this, I was not allowed to bang my wife until we were married, not with her parents knowledge anyway so it was sneaking around for us as we were getting married anyway Not all parents allow the daughters to bed farang, I guess it would depend on the parents and their lack of morals that probably rub off on the children, don't you know any girls whose parents don't allow it,lol. Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

Same Me and I agree

Even Though me and my wife were 29 at the time we had to get married before she could stay with me or bang me... We were banging anyway...

Another thing is I have never given her family one baht or have they asked..

I think there is all kinds of different family's with different morals throughout Thailand.. To say all Thais are one way is wrong.

Same here, I was 29 my wife was 26, so not much of an age gap. In our case however they basically didn't care about the ceremony and wanted the legal requirements dealt with. ie: we got married at the government office. All the family went out to dinner later at The Intercontinental, which her oldest brother insisted on paying for.

I was never ask for 1 baht in Sin Sot and the topic has never come up. I think though since all of her family is educated in western countries and most have worked overseas they understand the western culture allot better then most.

PS.... Wife's family was not impressed about her marrying a farang. 13 years on and they have decided that I am house broken and won't wee on the carpet.

If you were to be Thai, I don't think you would have that easy pass! So there you go a double standard because you are farang and you are a westerner.

[NanLaew]

I just wanted to bring this to your attention that foreigners/farangs are being treated differently compared to Thai men.

In 1978, my first Thai girlfriend was a teacher and a niece of some ML something or other. She taught classical Thai dance to children in the royal household in Bangkok. About 2 weeks after we first slept together, we had lunch with one of her uncles who insisted that in order for the relationship to proceed, we would need to get married. While I was mulling my options, I took a weekend off and visited Pattaya where her younger sister was teaching at the big government school on the Pattaya-Naklua road. My girlfriend was always the quieter and more conservative of the pair and her younger sister cautioned me against making a decision based on the 'threat' from her uncle and recommended that I should carry on dating her sister to really see if the relationship had any mileage.

Then one evening, I discovered the Tahitian Queen on Beach Road and the 'moment was lost'.

Forever!

[wade72]

If you were to be Thai, I don't think you would have that easy pass! So there you go a double standard because you are farang and you are a westerner.

Your only guessing, and not taking into consideration that they trusted their daughters judgement, wanted her to be happy and believed it was her decision.

Edited January 16, 2014 by wade72

[umbanda]

The only thing in common with ALL Thai families is that they will do and say anything to keep the appearances...that looks good for them...but...more important..to others.

[Sam Gold]

"The parents seemed to look the other way when their daughter is having children with foreigner/farang without marriage, however, if the father were to be Thai, the parents would pressure the couple in to making some sort of commitment i.e. getting married. Why is that?"

In my experience, having their daughter date a farang is considered to be lucky for all the reasons mentioned in this thread already (prospect of having good looking luk krueng "superstars" in the village, financial security...).

As often in Thailand everything is about face: for lower classes, the daughter dating a farang is de facto a major face enhancing thing and so there is less urgency.

And unlike Thai men, farangs don't have a reputation for running off as soon as the word "responsibility" is on the cards - people know foreigners (especially older ones) often don't mind if a woman has children already, often taking care of them and even adopting them/sending them to study abroad in some cases.

All these reasons combined lead to a more flexible approach.

So to sum it all up, when choosing a mate, farangs are more superior than Thais?

They aren't considered to be superior to Thais.

However, they are a far better option for women who aren't educated and have children from past relationships, as they offer some kind of recognition to people who without them would spend a lifetime at the very bottom of the Thai social ladder.

[wade72]

"The parents seemed to look the other way when their daughter is having children with foreigner/farang without marriage, however, if the father were to be Thai, the parents would pressure the couple in to making some sort of commitment i.e. getting married. Why is that?"

In my experience, having their daughter date a farang is considered to be lucky for all the reasons mentioned in this thread already (prospect of having good looking luk krueng "superstars" in the village, financial security...).

As often in Thailand everything is about face: for lower classes, the daughter dating a farang is de facto a major face enhancing thing and so there is less urgency.

And unlike Thai men, farangs don't have a reputation for running off as soon as the word "responsibility" is on the cards - people know foreigners (especially older ones) often don't mind if a woman has children already, often taking care of them and even adopting them/sending them to study abroad in some cases.

All these reasons combined lead to a more flexible approach.

So to sum it all up, when choosing a mate, farangs are more superior than Thais?

They aren't considered to be superior to Thais.

However, they are a far better option for women who aren't educated and have children from past relationships, as they offer some kind of recognition to people who without them would spend a lifetime at the very bottom of the Thai social ladder.

Fair point well made, I am not that familiar with the village side of Thai society but I can definitely see your point.

Most everyone in my wife's family are well educated and do fairly well. When I was having a difficult time in business, financially, it was them who bailed me out.

[Kitsune]

Their girl is already wasted with foreign blood.

I read here a police telling a poster's wife she would not be thai anymore after being with a Farang

why ad shame to destitution ?

[Somsrisonphimai]

If you were to be Thai, I don't think you would have that easy pass! So there you go a double standard because you are farang and you are a westerner.

Your only guessing, and not taking into consideration that they trusted their daughters judgement, wanted her to be happy and believed it was her decision.

no...no...no...not that the parents do not trust their daughter's decision. My point is that if you were to be Thai, the parents would ask for sin sod, the parents would ask your wife about getting married, and the parents would ask you and the daughter to notify the family guardian/spirite or have ritual ceremony.

Edited January 16, 2014 by Somsrisonphimai

[Jasun]

So what you are saying is that the average Thai parent would prefer/pressure their daughter to marry a Thai man over a foreigner. I thought everyone knew that?

[Somsrisonphimai]

"The parents seemed to look the other way when their daughter is having children with foreigner/farang without marriage, however, if the father were to be Thai, the parents would pressure the couple in to making some sort of commitment i.e. getting married. Why is that?"

In my experience, having their daughter date a farang is considered to be lucky for all the reasons mentioned in this thread already (prospect of having good looking luk krueng "superstars" in the village, financial security...).

As often in Thailand everything is about face: for lower classes, the daughter dating a farang is de facto a major face enhancing thing and so there is less urgency.

And unlike Thai men, farangs don't have a reputation for running off as soon as the word "responsibility" is on the cards - people know foreigners (especially older ones) often don't mind if a woman has children already, often taking care of them and even adopting them/sending them to study abroad in some cases.

All these reasons combined lead to a more flexible approach.

So to sum it all up, when choosing a mate, farangs are more superior than Thais?

They aren't considered to be superior to Thais.

However, they are a far better option for women who aren't educated and have children from past relationships, as they offer some kind of recognition to people who without them would spend a lifetime at the very bottom of the Thai social ladder.

off the topic and not to be ridiculed, why are farangs attracted to these type of girls? I have not been able to figure it out.

[wade72]

They aren't considered to be superior to Thais.

However, they are a far better option for women who aren't educated and have children from past relationships, as they offer some kind of recognition to people who without them would spend a lifetime at the very bottom of the Thai social ladder.

off the topic and not to be ridiculed, why are farangs attracted to these type of girls? I have not been able to figure it out.

I'm with you here, I don't understand it at all.

I am always happy to help someone out, but taking on responsibility for someone else's family is a little to much for me.

I don't understand why people put themselves in the situation in the first place, but hey maybe they are better men then me willing to take care of a family in a way I would only do for my own.

[Somsrisonphimai]

So what you are saying is that the average Thai parent would prefer/pressure their daughter to marry a Thai man over a foreigner. I thought everyone knew that?

No, that is not what I was saying. I felt that the girl's parents treat farang men differently than Thai men when these men mating with their girl.

[ralewis]

The double standard is not usually about foreign/Thai, but about rich/poor. Imagine the same situation, but instead substitute a financially well-off Thai for the boyfriend. What would the family do differently? What pressures could or would they bring to bear?

^ This is the exact answer to your question

[Sam Gold]

They aren't considered to be superior to Thais.

However, they are a far better option for women who aren't educated and have children from past relationships, as they offer some kind of recognition to people who without them would spend a lifetime at the very bottom of the Thai social ladder.

off the topic and not to be ridiculed, why are farangs attracted to these type of girls? I have not been able to figure it out.

I'm with you here, I don't understand it at all.

I am always happy to help someone out, but taking on responsibility for someone else's family is a little to much for me.

I don't understand why people put themselves in the situation in the first place, but hey maybe they are better men then me willing to take care of a family in a way I would only do for my own.

Those who get "trapped" into supporting whole families are rare, most contribute to helping out their spouse's parents and that isn't actually expensive.

I don't think farangs are attracted to this "type of girl" as such. It's just that to Westerners there is no shame in marrying a rural girl and living in a rural area. In fact in the West it is considered a luxury to be able to do that and escape the rush of the city.

That is just one of the major differences between Western/Thai culture.

And lastly, for Westerners the "blended family" thing is widespread and accepted everywhere, so having a partner with children from past relationships is generally not something that is looked down on.

Edited January 16, 2014 by Sam Gold

[Berkshire]

They aren't considered to be superior to Thais.

However, they are a far better option for women who aren't educated and have children from past relationships, as they offer some kind of recognition to people who without them would spend a lifetime at the very bottom of the Thai social ladder.

off the topic and not to be ridiculed, why are farangs attracted to these type of girls? I have not been able to figure it out.

Actually, Sam is exactly on-topic. It's clear you have this cause-and-effect thing all confused.

The Thai guys in your OP are most likely having relationships with young, wholesome, "quality" Thai girls who probably never even had a boyfriend. Of course the parents will be more protective and require the guys to "make an honest woman" of said girls.

On the other hand, the farangs in your OP are most likely having relationships with Thai women who are older, and/or previously married, and/or single mothers, and/or having financial difficulties, and/or come from a dysfunctional family. In this instance, the parents are not going to make a huge deal about what their daughter's doing with the farang...or a Thai for that matter. They're just happy that SOMEONE is willing to take responsibility for her and help her out.

Can't you see that you're looking at the wrong variables and coming to wrong conclusions? It's really the girl's situation that determines the parents' attitudes, not whether the guy is Thai or farang.

[wym]

^ This!

These are usually girls that hasn't any prospects for a Thai suitor.

[Daniel Boon]

G'day Somsrisonphimai,

as a (farang) father of a (farang) daughter, I recognize my daughters right to choose who she wishes to be with; I work on being as least abrasive as possible (no finger pointing later) ...

Many posters are disgruntled whereas several are more conciliatory ...

Is money causative to relationships? Well if by some small chance they are not at the beginning, eventually they will be.

My perception is that some men who have been disillusioned (expectations lead to disappointment) would, if they were a female with child, also consider the option to feed their child.

So may I ask you a question ... is having a baby with you Thai wife / wife to be, crucial to cementing a relationship or could it be either the male or female's attempt to tie the other down?

p.s. you speak good English

[dunque]

So you agree then that is a double standard?

Anyway they are ridiculous with their "marriage", most of the Thai are not married legally but just in front of their friends and family at their BAANORK party,,,

The legal aspect is simply the least important, the religious ceremony is the official one culturally. And in fact moving in together or even just bonking in the first place - with a young girl who's still eligible in Thai circles - is "as good as" married, in a truly traditional setting you can be prosecuted to either marry officially or pay a civil penalty to the family.

The ones willing to let their daughter go with farang are either looking for the big bucks, or pawning off spoiled goods that no Thai man will touch with a ten foot pole. This may be the result of everyone knowing they're no longer a virgin, perhaps even having had a child (often hidden from the prospective sucker), or perhaps she's already been off on her own for a while and is relatively independent, past her use-by date 20 or 21.

Or worst case people in the village have learned she's been working the bars since she was 14, so even if you're the fifth sucker she's brought home for the sin sot negotiations everyone will play along knowing a big party with cases of whiskey and four slaughtered pigs is coming up, maybe even dancing girls. . .

Note even hi-so couples often don't bother getting legally married, the current PM is a great example, no one thinks the less of her or her marriage for it, simply not relevant socially, only financially under the law.

So the final point made re Yingluck not bothering with marriage proves your point about double standards ? How does that logic work ?

[nontabury]

They aren't considered to be superior to Thais.

However, they are a far better option for women who aren't educated and have children from past relationships, as they offer some kind of recognition to people who without them would spend a lifetime at the very bottom of the Thai social ladder.

off the topic and not to be ridiculed, why are farangs attracted to these type of girls? I have not been able to figure it out.

I'm with you here, I don't understand it at all.

I am always happy to help someone out, but taking on responsibility for someone else's family is a little to much for me.

I don't understand why people put themselves in the situation in the first place, but hey maybe they are better men then me willing to take care of a family in a way I would only do for my own.

Those better people, must include your wife's family, as according to your earlier post , they took care of you when you had business problems.

[BradinAsia]

Anyway they are ridiculous with their "marriage", most of the Thai are not married legally but just in front of their friends and family at their BAANORK party,,,

One could also make the argument that a "marriage of the heart" may be more

durable and stable than a "marriage on paper."

During the last 1,100 years of Japan's recorded history, marriages were handled

by the family and solemnized by a family wedding ceremony. Only in the last 100

years or so has any authority outside the family gotten involved in the paperwork.

And the involvement of outsiders has not contributed to more stability in marriages.

[wym]

So the final point made re Yingluck not bothering with marriage proves your point about double standards ? How does that logic work ?

I was addressing the poster that talked about silly Thais putting more importance on the religious ceremony than the legal registration.

Edit - the same comment being addressed in the previous post ^^

I was pointing out that Farang think that legal marriage is what defines "a real marriage", leftovers from black and white Christian ideas about "living in sin".

For Thais, the religious ceremony is what counts, and in fact just sleeping together in conservative circles means you're in effect married already.

Getting married legally doesn't make your marriage more socially respectable here.

That's all. Not actually relevant to the OP

Edited January 16, 2014 by wym