Why AreExpats So Stuck Up

[watso63]

Those that can....do.

Those that can't..teach!

Most of them only know school. Went as a child, then further education, then "uni" then back to school. Moan about not being paid enough, stress, the "workload"? Only getting 13 weeks a year paid holiday and working? from 9am-3:30pm Mon-Fri.

Who needs to say hello to a bunch of grown up kids anyway?

But, as some have said already, there are exceptions, but stereotypes exist for good reason. Just saying.

Edited February 3, 2014 by watso63

[atyclb]

Not infrequently i encounter very friendly farang teachers. they are well dressed in their white shirts with ties and clean shaven. easy to strike up a conversation and then they even want to teach me about mormon science.

[bkkrooftop]

I think its their culture prob of where they come from. Or they are just asses. Prob both. But at least u know their an ass. Don't waste energy on trying to understand. In USA. Up north no one ever smiles or says hello on street. Doesn't mean they suck. Just the culture. If they were friends with u they would do anything for u

In the south of us they will open door for u . say hello. And smile

Doesn't mean they give 2 shits about u

In saying. I honestly don't care about meeting other foreigners BC I have seen the same thing u have described. I have also met some nice ones as well. As other people have said on this forum. I find it harder to trust some foreigners BC sometimes there is an agenda but can be the same for Thai

Trust your gut feeling and be patient. Try not to general ize any ctry / culture over some idiot. Just b + and do good things and cool people will come to used

[IDL]

Personally, I don't see that specific to teachers, just some people are like that. In your case, especially given two being your direct neighbours, perhaps they are jealous of you for the things you have and/or a better job/no need to work. Perhaps they stick to those they know coz their paperwork isn't in order, perhaps your wife is prettier than theirs, perhaps you just got unlucky in your choice of moo-ban. Perhaps, perhaps...

A couple of years back I was waiting for a take-away in a Chinky in Dartford (not my hometown, I was in the area for a course). Bored senseless as it was taking an age, this chap walked in to collect his order. He kept turning to look at me. After a while, figured he, too, must be bored. Given he was carrying several bags from the local supermarket, I said "Hiya mate, the wife got you doing the shopping?". He snarled at me, asking "is there a problem with that?". I simply replied "Na mate. I mistook you for a pleasant chap, my mistake". The prick!

I was a little phased by his reaction, but then I've been away from UK many years. Having mentioned it to a few friends, pretty much 50/50 split in them understanding/agreeing/disagreeing with his attitude. However, pretty much all the friends had kind of a look of empathy [for me] in their eyes. I guess I'm just out of touch with my own culture now.

[atyclb]

"First i am not handsome but not ugly i shave and brush my hair and teeth before I go out and wear good clothes."

very interesting in that the op differentiates himself from his perceptions of other farangs that apparently don't brush their teeth, hair, shave , or dress in a reasonable way.

[membob]

There is this constant and boring battle of expats of what they do day-to-day.

It's that question that seeps out of your mouth, "so what do you do here?"

Most people are proud of what they do here. If anything people are proud because they live and work here - which is great.

But sometimes when people are not so proud or feel like it's a battle of who is doing the best it can turn into a pissing match.

Freelancers, teachers, photographers, marketing, web designers, business owner - there aren't that many jobs people can get in Bangkok.

I've not had big problems with teachers. You'll meet different types of teachers in different areas.

One shit hole area I drink at makes me wonder who the hell are employing these drunks but then in other areas you really meet some genuine nice and well educated teachers.

After a few years you give up caring about how well you have / have not done in Thailand.

[jenjust]

I have kids that go to international school here and I have always had the impression that the teachers are stuck up and have a superiority complex. I am the one paying the very high school fees and in essence paying their salary, yet when I have any questions or want to remark on any of their teaching methods I am made to feel I am inconveniencing them and also made to feel that they are talking down to me. I don't bring this up to them in case it has repercussions on my kids.

[Theoutsider]

because there sad and they will try to get you in the hole there in.

we get it every day.

the hard thing is not letting it get to you, because where only human.

sorry for the spelling, bloody teachers.

[indyuk]

Many expats come to Thailand for reasons that they do not like to discuss. Such is particularly true of expat teachers and expat clergy. If any such individuals cut you dead it may be because they doubt that you are one of them, Conversely the opposite can be true in that they are well balance human beings that have had a bad experience with an expat that is here for reasons that he doesn't want to discuss and therefore does not trust strangers whether expat of or not.

My advice would be that you might join an expat club where you will find the membership to be similar mix of personalities to that in the general population.

Further I advise you not to share any of your personal information with anyone in Thailand until you are sure that they are trustworthy.

[Tywais]

I'm an ajarn at a major university, and no I'm not boasting but stating my position in context of the OP. I've worked in NYC, Chicago, San Francisco and find getting a smile returned is more likely than what I've experienced with expats here.

Before I came here I would say I was more of a frowner than a smiler due to the high stress levels I seem to always find myself in. I would also put myself in the mildly introverted/shy category so always difficult for me to meet and start up a conversation with anyone. Since I've moved here many years ago there was nearly an immediate change in stress and the likelihood of my smiling at a stranger. I pretty much smile at anyone that makes eye contact with me, Thai or foreigner. If not returned in kind I never take it personally and just move on and not consider it an issue.

Just the other day I was walking to the 7/11 in front of our moo bahn and heard a hello and turned to find it was a young lady on a bicycle saying it. I responded weakly with a hi and a look of a deer in the headlights simply because I was startled someone openly said hello. It's unfortunately that rare. Perhaps it's selfish for when a smile is returned to me it just sort of makes my day that much better.

I'm not naive though and do put my guard up depending on the circumstances and location. That is, go into self defense mode but fortunately that isn't a regular situation. Bangkok, I'm probably more aware and cautious of my surroundings than I may be in Chiang Mai.

My position at a university has in no way affected my attitude towards other but my living in Thailand has, and for the positive.

[FiftyTwo]

Better to live with Thais in a Thai area.

Coming here to live next to other foreigners seems a bit self-restricting.

[amse]

I am a retired farang teacher, and am not the norm, I live in a thai villa and communicate with many of my thai neighbors on a daily basis, I constantly do the traditional thai head nod, smile wave at most everyone when I'm driving my car. I also have taken thai cultural classes and I'm always asking aditional questions concerning the culture. I'm highly respected as a retired senior teacher among the thai people I know.

As for other farangs, I don't think their stuck-up, but rather come from a different mold than asians. For the most part farangs keep to themselves more and are less friendly in public, also farangs smile less in public.

Edited February 6, 2014 by metisdead
Bold font removed, please do not make it a habit to post in bold fonts.

[IDL]

I have kids that go to international school here and I have always had the impression that the teachers are stuck up and have a superiority complex. I am the one paying the very high school fees and in essence paying their salary, yet when I have any questions or want to remark on any of their teaching methods I am made to feel I am inconveniencing them and also made to feel that they are talking down to me. I don't bring this up to them in case it has repercussions on my kids.

A few years back, when I was teaching, I had the opposite experience. It really didn't matter what the teacher thought of the student (I mean in a constructive sense), the parents HAD to be told something 'fluffy' about their cherub. It seems the Thai way is this way, perhaps you should be a little more dominant with the teachers without fearing repercussions on your child's education/environment. I'd be quite sure you can say more than you think you can, after all the school wants the money.

[Notable]

I've lived and worked in BKK translating documents for 5 years now. Each time I go away (mostly up north) it makes me realise how bad it is here. I'm talking from a social standpoint, it's a rat race much as you would expect in any metropolitan city. I find the Thai people up north a breath of fresh air, they're actively seeking contact with foreigners whereas in BKK you're just another unwanted falang. You'll never experience the real Thailand in tourist areas.

[Beetlejuice]

Sorry, but after reading two pages of this thread, IMO the OP sounds like he has an inferiority complex more than making sweeping generalizations about stuck up expats minimizing the argument to mostly teachers.

I have been an expat for the past seven years, with a wife and son and have met all kinds of people, from polite to down right nobs. If someone says "hello" to me I always reply with a "hello" . It's called having common social grace, however i certainly do not go out of my way to extend a hello to every expat, tourist or Thai that passes me by. I would not do this in my home country and certainly would not do it here. I also get weary when someone who i don't know comes off as being too "polite". this is when my defenses go up, thinking that there is some kind of ulterior motive behind such "politeness" which is usually the case based on personal experience.

Why?

The guy is a newbie here, a foreigner living in a foreign land and is probably trying to establish himself in Thailand socially and making a circle of friends. Why do people like you consider this as being strange? No one is suggesting that anyone has a moral duty to approach every person they encounter and say hello or even acknowledge them at all. The OP is only expecting some politeness and at least a little display of some social behaviour.

It could be as you say that when strangers start acting too polite they have an ulterior motive for doing so. But that certainly does not pertain to everyone and it`s really down to your worldly experience of how good you are at judging people, rather than write them off at the first instance. This to me has tones of someone with a persecution complex, an acute irrational fear that other people are plotting against them, which is certainly not normal in my book.

I will also add you to my list of most not wanted farang neighbors.

[Theoutsider]

because where i'm from in london if you looked at someone you could get your head kicked in and i have seen it.

WHO YOU LOOKING AT

ok, heads down.

when i went outside london people whare saing thank you to the bus driver??? and it was a shock to hear someone say good morning to me. .....................................what do you want. don't come creaping up behind me or i will wet you up. eyes at the back of my head.

[smileydude]

Because all the teachers with good personalities were able to find jobs in their homelands perhaps?

Or possibly teachers consider themselves the more educated folk among westerners in Thailand assuming everyone else is the stereotypic sexpats?

Everyone has their weaknesses to prejudice, bias and even racism often unknowingly.

To be fair maybe you happened to meet alot of weary jaded expats but lets not be too judgemental on teachers or anyone otherwise we're no different.

Keep an open mind and maybe you'll see that people are just different in their levels of friendliness and that they meant no disrespect. Difficult to judge someone's character based on no exchange of dialogue.

Edited February 3, 2014 by smileydude

[richard_smith237]

Sorry, but after reading two pages of this thread, IMO the OP sounds like he has an inferiority complex more than making sweeping generalizations about stuck up expats minimizing the argument to mostly teachers.

I have been an expat for the past seven years, with a wife and son and have met all kinds of people, from polite to down right nobs. If someone says "hello" to me I always reply with a "hello" . It's called having common social grace, however i certainly do not go out of my way to extend a hello to every expat, tourist or Thai that passes me by. I would not do this in my home country and certainly would not do it here. I also get weary when someone who i don't know comes off as being too "polite". this is when my defenses go up, thinking that there is some kind of ulterior motive behind such "politeness" which is usually the case based on personal experience.

Why?

The guy is a newbie here, a foreigner living in a foreign land and is probably trying to establish himself in Thailand socially and making a circle of friends. Why do people like you consider this as being strange? No one is suggesting that anyone has a moral duty to approach every person they encounter and say hello or even acknowledge them at all. The OP is only expecting some politeness and at least a little display of some social behaviour.

It could be as you say that when strangers start acting too polite they have an ulterior motive for doing so. But that certainly does not pertain to everyone and it`s really down to your worldly experience of how good you are at judging people, rather than write them off at the first instance. This to me has tones of someone with a persecution complex, an acute irrational fear that other people are plotting against them, which is certainly not normal in my book.

I will also add you to my list of most not wanted farang neighbors.

I'll hazard a guess and suggest that mizzi cares very little with regards to whether or not he passes your list of suitable neighbours.

Some posters are all too keen to point out that they keep themselves separate from other foreigners and prefer the company of Thai's... yet many of these same posters are those advocating the 'zippeddy-doo-dah' hi to all and sundry...

There is a time and place for everything and generalisations certainly don't fit: however, those ignoring everyone and those saying Hi to everyone are perhaps both a dash whacky...

Normalcy and balance suggest that each situation is different and when a situation is evaluated on its own individual merit I'm sure most posters (even those disagreeing on this thread) would react in a similar manner with each other. i.e. those from the 'Its OK to Say Hi Camp' wouldn't travel around Bangkok saying Hi to every Westerner. Equally so I imagine those such as myself wouldn't ignore another person when in quieter areas of the country while still considering the behaviour a little strange in bigger more anonymous cities.

[AlphMichaels]

The highest % of "teachers" from the west are completely out of their element here. They pretend they're high up on a socio-economic level and doing the country a favor. They keep with their western ways and wonder why 30-50K THB doesn't last until end of month. They struggle to accept they do not integrate well here and in most cases because they don't have the money. They act the fools, in large measure and @ a level that exceeds 65-70%, by drinking, partying and pretending they can do all things "farang", under the guise that they are in a place that needs them. In reality, a high percentage are young, naive and unwilling to truly embrace the culture.

I love the ones who look at me and profile as a guy here for the sex trade and drinking daily. I look away when on approach fully aware they're only fooling themselves. Doesn't even faze me anymore. Who am I to tell them they're wrong with their thinking? or as my grandfather use to say; "be careful about giving advice..., the wise don't need it and the fools won't heed it.

When they go back home, they face the reality they tried to escape, even if only for a short time.

[baneko]

If someone I don't know wants to say Hi to me, I'll think they are a dash weird... That doesn't make me stuck up, it just makes me think you might be a bit of a nut-job...

In quieter area's, small villages etc there may be other reasons, but in a large city such as Bangkok I don't expect strangers of any nationality to say Hi to me and I certainly don't imagine that I'll go around saying Hi to people I don't know.

A counter question may be asked: "Do people think you are weird if you say Hi to strangers and expect a response ?"

What an idiot! I was told to open doors for people you don't know, be polite even to people you do not know and smile and say hello.

I live in a small village close to Phanat Nikhom and there is another old farang man in the village. When I saw him at the village shop I stopped my bike introduced myself and we sat down and had some beer.

If you classify this as weird you need to give yourself a shake and head home and talk to yourself. Clown.

[baneko]

If someone I don't know wants to say Hi to me, I'll think they are a dash weird... That doesn't make me stuck up, it just makes me think you might be a bit of a nut-job...

In quieter area's, small villages etc there may be other reasons, but in a large city such as Bangkok I don't expect strangers of any nationality to say Hi to me and I certainly don't imagine that I'll go around saying Hi to people I don't know.

A counter question may be asked: "Do people think you are weird if you say Hi to strangers and expect a response ?"

What an idiot! I was told to open doors for people you don't know, be polite even to people you do not know and smile and say hello.

I live in a small village close to Phanat Nikhom and there is another old farang man in the village. When I saw him at the village shop I stopped my bike introduced myself and we sat down and had some beer.

If you classify this as weird you need to give yourself a shake and head home and talk to yourself. Clown.

[mcsam]

Hi kingstonkid. I'm a farang teacher in Rangsit but, unlike the others you've met, I'll happily have a beer with you anytime

Sent from my HTC One using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[Bangel72]

There are a few angles to your discussion.

The first one is a request for help, if the isolation is really getting to you asking for help is the right thing to do, I am not qualified to judge when is the right point to take a request for help to highly qualified people but perhaps having a look at say the Samaritans site, they may be able to advise you on this.

No disrespect to either myself as a member or the other people on this forum but it generally not the sort of place you will find that the majority of people are reasonably normal, most people reading the comments for a while recognize this and accept it but if your isolation has become debilitating or self-loathing then I'd look for better places for advice. For example like the scary element of 'Hi' I'd be cautious of anyone from here responding saying they are also from Rangsit and volunteering to be your scary friend.

On the saying 'Hi' element, whilst outside a busy city environment this is fairly reasonable but admittedly I've scared quite a few city folk with a friendly hello. I find Thailand much easier and maybe more normal for recognizing the existence of others around you, in most cases though this is non-verbal recognition but eye contact, a nod and a smile are much more acceptable here than in many places I have been. For the verbal 'Hi' to be more acceptable it often requires a comfort zone of something in common, ramblers, cyclists, joggers will often be more likely to say hello to each other even though they are complete strangers, when I go fishing I'll often say hello to every random fisherman on the pier even though I respect that many of them are on that pier because the like isolation.

The teacher element is slightly different, I have a lot of respect for teachers but there is a small percentage of them that give them bad press and I'm guessing that this could leave the ones who really love teaching to have chips on their shoulders when painted with the same brush, people get defensive and close up. It would be unfair to group them together but if you meet ones like that then just I'd leave them to it with an each to their own view and no harm done.

As others point out there are plenty of groups for new people to town to join, taking that first step an going to a meetup with strangers is the hardest step but one you may find very beneficial

Good luck

Edited February 3, 2014 by Bangel72

[tingtongtingtong]

another post to try and help:

Maybe it is something that you need to change about yourself? Do you have a dodgy looking mustache? (don't know why but I avoid these people lol) Do you have bad fashion sense or a odd demeanor?

Ask a couple of your old friends back home: "be honest with me am I a bit weried / unapproachable?"

You might be surprised.

Edited February 3, 2014 by tingtongtingtong

[richard_smith237]

If someone I don't know wants to say Hi to me, I'll think they are a dash weird... That doesn't make me stuck up, it just makes me think you might be a bit of a nut-job...

In quieter area's, small villages etc there may be other reasons, but in a large city such as Bangkok I don't expect strangers of any nationality to say Hi to me and I certainly don't imagine that I'll go around saying Hi to people I don't know.

A counter question may be asked: "Do people think you are weird if you say Hi to strangers and expect a response ?"

What an idiot! I was told to open doors for people you don't know, be polite even to people you do not know and smile and say hello.

I live in a small village close to Phanat Nikhom and there is another old farang man in the village. When I saw him at the village shop I stopped my bike introduced myself and we sat down and had some beer.

If you classify this as weird you need to give yourself a shake and head home and talk to yourself. Clown.

In quieter area's, small villages etc there may be other reasons, but in a large city such as Bangkok I don't expect strangers of any nationality to say Hi to me and I certainly don't imagine that I'll go around saying Hi to people I don't know.

An idiot might not read very well... The Op was not discussing a quiet backwater, he's in Bangkok.

Now if you are going to readily throw around terms like idiot because we are in disagreement, you are the type of person many of us prefer to avoid and not say Hi to.

That said - I agree, holding the doors open for anyone anywhere... leaving a trailing hand etc, but not standing there like a door man for 20 ppl to walk through without so much as a nod of thanks...

As far as getting off your bike to go up to somebody and introduce yourself just because you are both white guys ?... I find that a little strange... However, had you both been in the same shop there is nothing wrong with a simple Hi, if a polite conversation progresses from there, then fair enough - again, thats OK in a quiet area... But in Bangkok or any other major city saying hi to strangers is well, strange.

[tingtongtingtong]

You only smile and say 'hi'?!

How stuck up. I wink and blow everyone a kiss!

[Berkshire]

If someone I don't know wants to say Hi to me, I'll think they are a dash weird... That doesn't make me stuck up, it just makes me think you might be a bit of a nut-job...

In quieter area's, small villages etc there may be other reasons, but in a large city such as Bangkok I don't expect strangers of any nationality to say Hi to me and I certainly don't imagine that I'll go around saying Hi to people I don't know.

A counter question may be asked: "Do people think you are weird if you say Hi to strangers and expect a response ?"

What an idiot! I was told to open doors for people you don't know, be polite even to people you do not know and smile and say hello.

I live in a small village close to Phanat Nikhom and there is another old farang man in the village. When I saw him at the village shop I stopped my bike introduced myself and we sat down and had some beer.

If you classify this as weird you need to give yourself a shake and head home and talk to yourself. Clown.

Geez, how rude. You don't realize that some people are extroverted and some are introverted? Just because you will approach random strangers for no reason doesn't mean everyone else has to accept this as normal. In America, our parents teach us "not to talk to strangers." This applies mostly to children, but even in adulthood, many of us would just like to be left alone and mind our own business. And if I were to evaluate complete strangers who have approached me in Thailand, I'd say that most are typically a bit creepy. I mean, seriously, those of us who are busy with our lives, family, friends, etc., we don't go around trying to chit-chat with people we don't know. Parties and social gatherings, ok, but just out on the street? Or some fake, meaningless greeting to a stranger? So pointless.

[asupeartea]

.

Edited February 3, 2014 by asupeartea

[saroq]

Does the OP think any other group of expats (e.g. if he lived in an area with lots of accountants, postal workers, you name any occupation that you like) that he would get a different response from them? Just because he is isolated and desperate for company doesn't mean that the other expats are. Unfortunately this is Thailand and any farang who approached me in the way described would be thought by me that this guy is after money or perhaps he's a bit of a nutter. Try meeting people through a group activity rather than approaching strangers on the street. Didn't your mother warn you about people like yourself?

Edited February 3, 2014 by saroq

[CMTourist]

I'm personally wary of strangers here in Thailand simply because of the number of scam artists and lunatics.

And even if they're neither there's a high possibility they're going to reveal that they're ex-special forces, or in with high ranking police or other such Walter Mitty nonsense, which they seem to think I want to listen to their fantasy life ad nauseum

And it depends on the place. Every foreigner I've spoken to at the British Embassy in Bangkok for example (or more accurately everyone that approached me and I was in a good enough mood to be friendly) ended up being someone with a hard luck story wanting money.

I now tend to only talk to people to whom I've been introduced by someone I know. The percentage odds of a negative experience with a stranger are too high to be worth the effort.