Should you accept her Children as part of the package?

[jjablonsky]

If you fell in love with her in your home country and she was also from your home country would you still be asking this question. If the answer is no, then your racist and have no business dating people from other countries or cultures.

[Phuketboy]

Why would someone even ask this question? Of course the mother and children come as a package. If you date someone with kids then unless you are willing to take on a roll as a father or mother figure, then you shouldn't be in that relationship. The fact that she didn't tell him right at the start was wrong. Any parent should be proud of the fact they have kids, so should be upfront. She did however tell him before they met as they were only talking, therefore he made his decision to be with her, knowing this. I cannot have kids, however my partner has a 1 child aged 6 from a previous marriage to a Thai man who has never provided for the child or has anything to do with her. I knew about this child and although not mine, they come as a package deal. The family do not ask anything of me, however as a father figure to that child it is my responsibility to make sure she is cared for in terms of food, clothes, school and health. It is also a great feeling knowing that I am making that child's life a better one. This was my decision and to be honest it doesn't cost that much and it makes my relationship better with the entire family. This could be the reason they do not ask anything from me. If your friend doesn't want to accept the package then she should find someone who will. Sounds like your friend needs to wake up to himself.

Edited March 17, 2014 by Phuketboy

[Norvabc]

As said in the past posts and some good advice.

1) This is a conscious effort on the ladies part to conceal the children till a relationship is formed.

2) The children were at "father’s grandmother" house. This shows a solid connection to the Fathers family and so still to a Thai policeman.

3) Kids or no go, indicating a responsible mother.

The lady is a hairdresser, as was my mother, I spent many days listening to ladies planning how to get a man as they waited for hair to perm or dry.

The lady is wise, very wise and will have a lot of support from her community, and nothing wrong with her wanting a man to spend the rest of her days with. However with the way this is panning out i would be very careful, she has ties with her ex and even if she didn't, a Thai Cop in the mix is a very dangerous situation, even possible that the cop is in on the act, directly or indirectly he has to benefit as he will have a farang fathering his kids.

The relationship started on a level, but now the chap finds he is in a hole, a hole he had no idea he was heading for. That hole will only get deeper.

IMOP i would walk way. Thailand has many good ladies contrary to popular belief, move on she lied and that will only get worse.

All the best to your friend

[transam]

As said in the past posts and some good advice.

1) This is a conscious effort on the ladies part to conceal the children till a relationship is formed.

2) The children were at "father’s grandmother" house. This shows a solid connection to the Fathers family and so still to a Thai policeman.

3) Kids or no go, indicating a responsible mother.

The lady is a hairdresser, as was my mother, I spent many days listening to ladies planning how to get a man as they waited for hair to perm or dry.

The lady is wise, very wise and will have a lot of support from her community, and nothing wrong with her wanting a man to spend the rest of her days with. However with the way this is panning out i would be very careful, she has ties with her ex and even if she didn't, a Thai Cop in the mix is a very dangerous situation, even possible that the cop is in on the act, directly or indirectly he has to benefit as he will have a farang fathering his kids.

The relationship started on a level, but now the chap finds he is in a hole, a hole he had no idea he was heading for. That hole will only get deeper.

IMOP i would walk way. Thailand has many good ladies contrary to popular belief, move on she lied and that will only get worse.

All the best to your friend

The cop and her will be very happy a farang "millionaire" is going to be possibly on the scene, he can bailout of everything.

[wvavin]

If the father of the kids is just any ordinary civil servant is all right but a policeman...........ummmm.......its a bit tricky along the way. My best wishes to your friend.

[Ulysses G.]

1) This is a conscious effort on the ladies part to conceal the children till a relationship is formed.

That would only true if this gentleman asked if she had children and she denied it. I'm not sure that is the case.

[wym]

No once things got serious even if just online that's pretty serious deceit by omission.

A half truth is a whole lie.

[Donnie Brasco]

I recommend a, um, pay-per-view arrangement.

It'll be cheaper in the long run.

And you can always bail out.

Rent, pay enough to keep her romantic but RENT

And as someone has already said, watch out for the husband.

"Sometimes, 'fuggedabowdit' just means fuggedabowdit."

[Tony125]

I'd be happy to see him walk away but that isn't my decision.

His point is fair enough. He doesn't want another family, she works, her ex has a paying job and the kids have a father who does see them. Not sure why you think he would need to step up to be a surrogate father in that situation. I couldn't see him ignoring the kids or treating them like unwanted pieces of flotsam.

Possibly his GF wants him to be a surrogate father, I'm not clear about that really.

The sticking point for him is financial and perhaps some western thought of what is right and wrong.

I've seen a number of relationships like this in Australia where the man and woman keep financials separate and they don't pay for large expenditure for each other's children. Surely there must be similar in Thailand?

**** You say your not clear about if his GF wants him to be a surrogate father, then should find out to update this forum, Secondly you asked us question but don't seem to like the th responses your getting keep asking why should he and what about this reason that. 90 per cent said "it a pkg deal" but you don't seem to like those answers. I agree online we don't always say total truth--how tall, heavy, pretty, fat, have kids ect but after awhile tell other what true story is. She told him of kids he came over loved the sex but wants nothing to do with upbringing of kids except basic support . Tell the 40 year old young man to grow up or move on.

[Razer64]

So glad I made all my stupid mistakes with women when I was younger. I think I did it deliberately, so I could learn fast and get on with life while I still have a ton of it left to live...

You ('You', meaning, your friend and anyone else like him, including you, of course) have no choice but to accept her children as part and parcel of the deal. If you are not prepared to do this, you will need to get away from her fast. I mean, after all, what are you going to do with the children, pretend they don't exist? Try to make her abandon them? If you think you can get away with that, you are even colder and more cruel than this girl who has been lying to you right from the outset of the relationship, and you are headed straight for a real mess. You love the little ones and accept them or you don't. There is no two ways about it.

There are plenty of greedy Thai women out there who will be more than happy to take your cash, and they don't have any children or personal hang-ups, and they will always be good to you and tell you the truth--in their own Thai sort of way. You can count on them to the death. The other kind, the one you're now messing with, is clearly not that kind, and that needs to be taken into account. I'm not saying you can't make it work. But I am saying there are things to consider. I trust no one on this earth who claims, for example, that money does not matter to them, especially a single mom with two little ones and a hubby to feed and nurture. My wife loves money. I love money. We all love money. I have no respect for people who don't respect their own financial situation and personal well-being. This girl loves and needs money as much as anyone else. Of course she does. We all do. And we all want the best and the most we can get out of life. Don't be silly.

If I were in your friend's shoes, I would have been shoving on and getting far, far away from her the moment I found out she was obviously hiding things from me. There is no reason to hide your children. I have three of my own, and I am proud of them. I would not ever disown my children in any way; not to save face, not to get in a girl's pants, not for anything. In fact, if some woman insulted my child, that would be the end of us right there on the spot.

The ex will not go away. He will always be part and parcel of the relationship, too. She will give him advice, money, and perhaps not sex, but rest assured he will always be part of you and yours forevermore. My wife talked to and gave money to her ex right up until the day he died of liver rot from drinking himself to death at the tender age of 40. You'll get used to it. The only thing I refused to accept was any lying and sneaking around about it and trying to make a fool of me over it. You are what you are. I told her ex this to his sober face (one of the only times I had ever seen him sober) as I handed him another wad of baht and told him to be absolutely certain to call and make an appointment with me before ever coming around here for any reason. I owned him completely after that day, instead of the other way around. Why lie about it or try to hide it? The Thai love to try and hide it to save face. They are terrific liars and make up endless stories and excuses to try and save face. They are taught to be both sore losers and sore winners. It's all about "ME" here in the Magic Kingdom, which is why their country often disintegrates into social and asocial violence, like it is doing right now. That being said, make it all about YOU instead, and you will understand the Thai language which is not spoken. Do yourself a favor and take a course in learning body language. It's the same all over the world.

[BookMan]

There is a few posters making points about trust and lies and her motives. From his point of view he trusts her. Yes he was initially pissed off and questions were asked, but he accepted her reasons as to why she did. Up to him.

Also, he sees her ex husband as a positive thing in case he ever has trouble in Thailand he she can use his contacts. Naive? I dont know.

1) This is a conscious effort on the ladies part to conceal the children till a relationship is formed.

That would only true if this gentleman asked if she had children and she denied it. I'm not sure that is the case.

Very good point UG. I wonder if it was asked early on or just assumed from her profile? Surely you would ask early on, I know it would be in the first few conversations I had with someone.

No once things got serious even if just online that's pretty serious deceit by omission.

A half truth is a whole lie.

It did come out so it depends on where the line of serious relationship is crossed. 1 month, 2 months, 3 months?

Not sure complete omission is a lie though.

_________________

[wilcopops]

Put the in an orphanage - that would seem to be in keeping with your other 19th century ideas on life

[Pinair]

Run Forest run !

[BookMan]

Secondly you asked us question but don't seem to like the th responses your getting keep asking why should he and what about this reason that. 90 per cent said "it a pkg deal" but you don't seem to like those answers.

There have been mostly thoughtful and well answered posts in the thread. Of course i don't agree wit hall of them, but I'd agree with many parts of a lot of them.

Questioning some responses is just part of a normal thread, offering some debate and having different opinions.

[varun]

There is no shortage of dumb ass farangs who will accept the whole baggage of kids, sisters, brothers and grandparents AND ex-husbands.

The question is: why does your friend have to be one of them?

You should tell your friend to bail; there are plenty of single women without kids, he just has to look a little bit harder.

[transam]

There is no shortage of dumb ass farangs who will accept the whole baggage of kids, sisters, brothers and grandparents AND ex-husbands.

The question is: why does your friend have to be one of them?

You should tell your friend to bail; there are plenty of single women without kids, he just has to look a little bit harder.

There is ALWAYS baggage in LOS, even with nooooooooooo kids...........

[atyclb]

QUOTE __

When you start a relationship with a partner that has children, they are most definitely part of the 'package'.. and in Thailand this includes a certain amount of financial support.

__ENDQUOTE

the package will also include the mother, sick father, 2sisters and kids, collapsing rice farmers house needing rebuilt, payments on brothers pickup, buffalo vets fees, etc

but never mind,

Love is blind,

Love is blindness

Love is blindness I dont want to see

take my heart its blindness

Edited March 17, 2014 by atyclb

[belg]

did her profile mention somewhere she was looking for someone to take good care of her ?

and now you/your friend find out this included her kids & THE HUSBAND, ex or not ?

plenty fish in the sea without complicated lives, no ?

[Showbags]

This ermmm...'friend'....have you slapped him about the head and told him to wake up yet ?

2 weeks....crikey.

Is he going to move to Los or she to Oz ?....even more crikey...

[ozyjon]

In the west, situations are usually 50/50 with the government helping out on single mothers pension and child allowance, DON'T FORGET THAT so when we take on that role in Thailand we are expected to foot the bill for everything and the sick buffalo, i think it's not just, love or no love, when the honeymoon is over and your bank account is depleted she will just post her pretty picture on the singles website and wait for another love sick dumbo to turn up,, and they always do. I'm probably one of them. Question? you are suppose to take care of the new adopted family in thailand, who will take care of your family back home, it seems a bit selfish on the Thai side, they don't really care about your sick mum or sick dad as long as you pay for the grandparents and the sick uncle (who is really their husband) and oh don't forget about the sick buffalo.

[transam]

In the west, situations are usually 50/50 with the government helping out on single mothers pension and child allowance, DON'T FORGET THAT so when we take on that role in Thailand we are expected to foot the bill for everything and the sick buffalo, i think it's not just, love or no love, when the honeymoon is over and your bank account is depleted she will just post her pretty picture on the singles website and wait for another love sick dumbo to turn up,, and they always do. I'm probably one of them. Question? you are suppose to take care of the new adopted family in thailand, who will take care of your family back home, it seems a bit selfish on the Thai side, they don't really care about your sick mum or sick dad as long as you pay for the grandparents and the sick uncle (who is really their husband) and oh don't forget about the sick buffalo.

They KNOW about farangland benefits, believe me, so that thought does not come into the equation. Thats why getting hold of a farangland passport is paramount for many.

[Slinky1958]

Thai culture allows thai men to walk away I was in a similar postion son 16 daughter 14

son took a year off school to sit in the house and sleep 12 hours in the day and play the Internet until 5 am

I said package is off to his father today no discipline by the mama khun mam

off he went , I was then the bad man who didnt like him I told

them tell him school or work im not looking after the lazy ...... the daughter I will look after if she goes to school and respects me otherwise I will adopt the same attitude as the father

3 ways to remember

1 Thai way

2 My way

3 The highway

3 or the highway

[BookMan]

This ermmm...'friend'....have you slapped him about the head and told him to wake up yet ?

2 weeks....crikey.

Is he going to move to Los or she to Oz ?....even more crikey...

Slap him about with a wet fish?

He wants to move to Thailand .

You don't think 6 months is long enough to know someone? I know its only 2 weeks in person but 6 months is still a while. Esp, if you talk/video/FB every day. Soooooooo many people do it this way these days.

(Maybe he needs an escape? I should post him some books tomorrow. I have some great outback stuff lying about he might enjoy, including Clyde Fenton's Flying Doctors being just one. Take his mind off things).

[BookMan]

did her profile mention somewhere she was looking for someone to take good care of her ?

and now you/your friend find out this included her kids & THE HUSBAND, ex or not ?

plenty fish in the sea without complicated lives, no ?

Yes, but sometimes we don't choose the life to be complicated it just happens.

I imagine if he felt he could walk away he would have done so.

[steve C]

In the west, situations are usually 50/50 with the government helping out on single mothers pension and child allowance, DON'T FORGET THAT so when we take on that role in Thailand we are expected to foot the bill for everything and the sick buffalo, i think it's not just, love or no love, when the honeymoon is over and your bank account is depleted she will just post her pretty picture on the singles website and wait for another love sick dumbo to turn up,, and they always do. I'm probably one of them. Question? you are suppose to take care of the new adopted family in thailand, who will take care of your family back home, it seems a bit selfish on the Thai side, they don't really care about your sick mum or sick dad as long as you pay for the grandparents and the sick uncle (who is really their husband) and oh don't forget about the sick buffalo.

They KNOW about farangland benefits, believe me, so that thought does not come into the equation. Thats why getting hold of a farangland passport is paramount for many.

In my opinion and many others YOU BREED EM YOU FEED EM but here they just walk away till there is some type of benefit arrives as in a White Walking Wallet for all to bleed

[falkan]

There is no shortage of dumb ass farangs who will accept the whole baggage of kids, sisters, brothers and grandparents AND ex-husbands.

The question is: why does your friend have to be one of them?

You should tell your friend to bail; there are plenty of single women without kids, he just has to look a little bit harder.

There is ALWAYS baggage in LOS, even with nooooooooooo kids...........

kids and ex husband policeman = big problems.. c'mon son wake up!

[Berkshire]

You should tell your friend to bail; there are plenty of single women without kids, he just has to look a little bit harder.

There seems to be plenty of comments like this. But the reality is if you remove Thai single mothers from the dating pool, the number of Thai females available to foreigners would be reduced by something like 80%, if not more.

If anything, farangs should be thanking the Thai guys for leaving so many desperate women to seek out foreigners (note: I say this in jest, although it's more true than we want to admit).

[Showbags]

This thread is useless without pics...

I might have one floating about somewhere...

[realenglish1]

This is not a question of the mother abandoning the kid It is not a question about whether you should support the kids or not. If you go into a relationship knowing that she has kids then fine.

You then know what to expect... But there their was a clear and blatant attempt my her to hide the kids from you before she felt good about telling you

She lied to you plane and simple and she will lie to you in the future if you accept the kids She has every reason to believe you are a pushover and she can there fore lie to you on whatever she feels will benefit here.

There are lots of honest woman in this world but this one lied about it to you regardless of the reason. Honesty is the cornerstone of any relationship that is going to work. This one will not I can assure you . This woman is looking to take advantage of you and your good nature

Drop her like a lead baloon

[Showbags]

She may not have lied to him....just not told the whole story....doubt she said at first she has no kids and then later said...ooops....

Nawt wrong with sussing someone out a little first, especially over the internet as we all know.....everything is real on the internet.

Anyway...copper is the biggest stumbling block....imagine one of the kids calling Dad and saying...'the farang prick won't let me play with my ipad'....ok son, I'll fix him next time I see him in soi 4.