The lack of eye contact

[willyumiii]

I find that many, but not all, Thais that I know will not make eye contact with me when I speak to them or when they speak to me.

I have also noticed that it is not just me, but they don't make eye contact with others as well.

It bothers me not to know if some one is listening to me wen I am talking to them and sometimes hard to determine if they are speaking to me or some one else!

My Thai wife tells me that if a Thai man looks another man in the eye, it means he does not like him and may want to fight him.

Is this true?

Seeing facial expressions when talking/ listening to someone in my culture is a big part of communicating.

Do you experience this here in Thailand?

What are your feelings about it?

[bkkjames]

Look the other way mate, move on.

[robertthebruce]

I Aint no expert, but what i have noticed is, when a 'Thai Man'' looks at me, its not for a fight, its for other reasons...

I am gay, so maybe that explains things a bit...

[thailiketoo]

If they raise the eyebrows it means, "yes" or "my place or yours." How one would notice the eyebrow language of Thai people without looking at eyes I don't understand.

Eye contact is very important in Thailand and you can sort through a whole supermarket of people in a few minutes by seeing who will return your eye contact.

Edited March 29, 2014 by thailiketoo

[IMA_FARANG]

Thais do not like direct confrontation.

So it is true then will not often look you directly in the eye when speaking to you, especially if you seem to be confrontational with them or challanging them.

It has to do with the concept of "face" which can be important in Thai (and other Asian also) cultures.

Many foreigners misunderstand about "face".

Their are two aspects to it.

One is for the Asian person not to be wrong.

But the other, and equally importan part of "face" is that if you know the person you are taliking with is wrong, challaging him or her directly is also you losing "face".

So, for that reason, mzny Thais dealing with foriegners will avoid eye-too-eye contact .... to avoid either themselves losing "face' or equally important the foriegner losing "face" by using a confrontational stance (eye-to-eye contact).

For many "well mannerd" Thais (as well as other Asians) a direct confortational stance is "rude"

That's why they tend to avoid an "eye to eye" contact.

Edited March 29, 2014 by IMA_FARANG

[JoeThePoster]

Since I bought these expensive glasses, not just Thais but everyone looks at my eyes all the time.

[HeijoshinCool]

Even after two years here in the small town of Rhek Thum, when walking, people still "eye" me.

"Look, look, farang, blah, blah, woof, woof …."

I have actually handed my camera to a few idiots people. Then they looked away.

[bkkjames]

This is what I call eye contact.

Edited March 29, 2014 by bkkjames

[thailiketoo]

I have to ask myself after living in Thailand for 10 years why Thais don't avoid eye contact with me. I've met 90% if the women I know in Thailand by eye contact in a public place (not a bar).

I only avoid eye contact with people who smell bad or are drunk or in some other way repulsive. Not accusing anyone that is just me.

[willyumiii]

Even after two years here in the small town of Rhek Thum, when walking, people still "eye" me.

"Look, look, farang, blah, blah, woof, woof …."

I have actually handed my camera to a few idiots people. Then they looked away.

I understand the concept of people you do not know looking at you because you look so different from most people they see.

I have been in my area almost 3 years now and still get those looks.

What the thread is about is people that you know who will nt make eye contact while having a conversation with you.

BTW. There have been some good and helpful replies to this question so far..thanks for those.

A few have been rather silly replies too, but I too enjoy being silly at times.

[northernjohn]

If they raise the eyebrows it means, "yes" or "my place or yours." How one would notice the eyebrow language of Thai people without looking at eyes I don't understand.

Eye contact is very important in Thailand and you can sort through a whole supermarket of people in a few minutes by seeing who will return your eye contact.

and what will you find?

If I look you in the eye it means I am not listing to you. I have to turn my head to the right so my left ear can hear you.

[ABCer]

Usually predators consider eye to eye contact as challenge. Do not look a tiger in the eyes.

Thais are non-confrontational - this might be the reason.

They may not like what you say or how you say it - another possible reason.

Could it be they don't like your look? or smell?.. might be a means to keep the distance.

With females - if she looks direct into your eyes there's a good chance it's a 'yes'.

If IMA-FARANG is right I must be the 'rudest' man in Thailand. I stare, but this is pure curiosity - try to figure out people. Got into fights for this in the West.

As for me - I do not care whether they look me into eyes or not. But that's me... Can't figure out why it bothers you.

[robertthebruce]

If they raise the eyebrows it means, "yes" or "my place or yours." How one would notice the eyebrow language of Thai people without looking at eyes I don't understand.

Eye contact is very important in Thailand and you can sort through a whole supermarket of people in a few minutes by seeing who will return your eye contact.

Handy to know, and also if they ''Wink' it means that they have something in there eye...

[thailiketoo]

One common form of non-verbal communication is known in Thai as yak kiu. This is a gesture of confirmation or agreement which involves raising the eyebrows up and down (yak = move up and down; kiu = eyebrows). For example, if two friends are talking and one suggests to the other that they should go to the cinema to watch a movie, the other friend may yak kiu. The wiggly eyebrows are often accompanied with a slight smile which makes it even more endearing. As a non-Thai there’s no need to start practicing your yak kiu skills. A simple ‘yes’ or ‘OK’ will serve a similar purpose, but at least you’ll know what the deal is with the wiggly eyebrows if you notice Thai people doing it.

http://www.thaizer.com/culture-shock/thai-body-language-saying-it-with-the-eyebrows/

Thai people make eye contact all the time. If you don't notice it means you don't live in Thailand or if Thais don't make eye contact with you something else is wrong. I would check my deodorant, cut down on dairy products and get some new clothes.

[robertthebruce]

Even at my tender age, i still get a few ''Looks'' on the streets.. aint complaining though...

[bkkjames]

Normally when it's in reference to females around here - they eyes are generally the last thing I look at ...but I digress

[stickylies]

my neighbour (male) tells me he's afraid when i look him in the eye. no kidding. u gotta love them thais!

[wwest5829]

Even after two years here in the small town of Rhek Thum, when walking, people still "eye" me.

"Look, look, farang, blah, blah, woof, woof ."

I have actually handed my camera to a few idiots people. Then they looked away.

I understand the concept of people you do not know looking at you because you look so different from most people they see.

I have been in my area almost 3 years now and still get those looks.

What the thread is about is people that you know who will nt make eye contact while having a conversation with you.

BTW. There have been some good and helpful replies to this question so far..thanks for those.

A few have been rather silly replies too, but I too enjoy being silly at times.

I am a farang but must confess that I have always had a hard time with this issue. My culture teaches to look at another directly. If someone does not do this, their honesty is suspect. My problem is, if engaged in serious conversation, I look away as I concentrate on what I am trying to convey. Well, just a small matter of individual inhuman differences.

[belg]

put on sunglasses

[Torrens54]

As others have said, it is the Thai Custom. Sure, in business situations it may not happen very often, but for many "well brought-up" Thais who have been taught "respect" at home, it is just the way things are, so don't fret over it, even though it seems rude to we Farang.

Also happens a lot in Indonesia, other parts of Asia and even in Western Society. During my years as a Working Journo, I often felt annoyed with people I was interviewing when they failed to make eye contact.

Watch any TV News show, you'll see it from time to time when the "subject" looks down at the floor instead of at the interviewer or even the camera. Maybe they are just shy or in some cases "Pig Ignorant."

[siamtwin]

Even after two years here in the small town of Rhek Thum, when walking, people still "eye" me.

"Look, look, farang, blah, blah, woof, woof …."

I have actually handed my camera to a few idiots people. Then they looked away.

"Rhek Thum" = Rectum.

Am I the only one who got this joke?

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[dao16]

Well, in Asia, in certain contexts, making eye contact is seen as aggressive. A lot of times they might not want to make eye contact with you as a sign of humility (a good thing here) or recognition of your social status (again, seen as a proper thing). So, don't get too upset by it.

That said, I make eye contact with Thais on a daily basis and they with me, so it isn't like nobody makes eye contact. In most circumstances, I think they do. I was just out yesterday with a whole bunch of Thais and I made eye contact with all of them--of course, they are people I am friendly with already, but I also make eye contact with people at stores I don't know and so on. This seems a little blown out of proportion.

[NanLaew]

Bar girls will always look you in the eye.... if you roll over and let them.

[rtco]

Make eye contact with a bar girl and they immediately want to part you from your money. I prefer to sit and take in the atmosphere rather than be accosted just because I made eye contact even an accidental one. I never make eye contact in a bar unless I want to.

[lucjoker]

"..... will not make eye contact with me when I speak to them or when they speak to me."

Do you have smelly breath ?

Maybe your eyes stand on your back?

Do you baby-sit a lot?

Dis you look at yourself in a mirror lately?

[Sheryl]

As others have said, Thais do make eye contact but they may not hold it for as prolonged a period as in some cultures. It is hard to explain but with time living here you automatically pick up the sense of when and how much is OK.

Thais will, however, evade eye contact if they feel uneasy with you/about you. So if indeed they are not making any eye contact at all, something is wrong.

Or it just may be that you are in the habit of very prolonged direct, eye-to- eye contact which is more than Thai culture (as well as the preferences of many individuals) is comfortable with.

Try just an initial contact and avoid prolonged staring and see if that helps.

[NanLaew]

Make eye contact with a bar girl and they immediately want to part you from your money. I prefer to sit and take in the atmosphere rather than be accosted just because I made eye contact even an accidental one. I never make eye contact in a bar unless I want to.

You go to bars for the what now? The ambiance?

Another barstool Greta Garbo comes out. "I want to be alone."

"That's why you'll always find me in the kitchen at parties...."

[tim armstrong]

I get looked at a lot because I have very blue eyes, and I seldom find thais look away, but yes the cultural dimension is real.

[philippa]

I wish I had your problem OP...as a (relatively) young and very blonde farang, I often wish people would stop staring at me and asking me questions every time I step outside... Seriously though, it's not something I've noticed, although I'm not huge on eye contact while speaking (makes me feel uneasy, shyness I guess)....if you are talking to a Thai person and they aren't looking you in the eye, surely they are giving you some form of feedback in the form of kaa/khap when there is a break in your talking, so you know they are talking to you and not someone over your shoulder?!

[bkkjames]

I get looked at a lot because I have very blue eyes, and I seldom find thais look away, but yes the cultural dimension is real.[/quote

Lol. Reminds me of bill murray in stripes "chicks dig me cause i rarely wear underwear..."

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