Things Thai GF/Wives say...."bread for my Jam"

[phuketandsee]

My gf referred to an "ecosexual" the other day. After discussing the merits of environmentally safe sex it turns out she was talking about a bisexual (bisexual - biosexual - ecosexual).

All this may be cute and amusing but:

You think English is easy?
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture..
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert..
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear..
19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

Edited April 21, 2014 by phuketandsee

[55Jay]

My gf referred to an "ecosexual" the other day. After discussing the merits of environmentally safe sex it turns out she was talking about a bisexual (bisexual - biosexual - ecosexual).

All this may be cute and amusing but:

You think English is easy?

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.................

Very amusing, thanks!

[Clutch]

A few weeks ago, my girlfriend said that we couldn't go buy alcohol, because it was "Erection Day."

I said, "Well, to be honest, that's probably going to help my performance, so no problem."

[Seastallion]

Friend of mine saw a tasty looking Chinese in a bar, and went up to her and asked her for her phone number. The girl looked at him and smiled, and said, "Sex, free sex tonight. Sex sex sex." And smiled broadly.

Luckily her english speaking friend intervened and said, "She said 63629666."

[EmptyHead]

Laling (darling). Can i have sausie sandwit pees? (Can i have a sausage sandwich please? This is code for sex)

Edited August 16, 2014 by EmptyHead

[mesquite]

If you're tired of hearing these funny little sayings, why don't you speak to your wife in your impeccable Thai?

[1BADDAT]

If you're tired of hearing these funny little sayings, why don't you speak to your wife in your impeccable Thai?

How warped is your sense of reality and humor? The OP and many posters think these things are amusing. I like to date Asian women and one of the added benefits for me is that the language barrier actually makes things interesting. They say funny things in my language and I say funny things in theirs.

Back on topic: I have yet to meet a Thai who says bottle correctly. The always say "bottom", which I find kind of funny.

[mesquite]

If you're tired of hearing these funny little sayings, why don't you speak to your wife in your impeccable Thai?

How warped is your sense of reality and humor?

Slightly warped, which is why things go so well for me in Thailand and everywhere else!

[Thai at Heart]

The things are in the chicken.

Standing joke in our place chicken/kitchen

[Frank James]

My wife: Buffalo tamer from Maha Sarakham. Phd in U. of Life. Tough customer. I love her brand of English:

Place where things are kept cold: Fidge ah lay.