Divorcing and messy

[1130bobs]

have her put down - then go back to your country with kids - they will be better off for it. i brought a chinese back home with a 3 yr old. she went after 1/2 of everything with no regard to daughter or consequences. daughter now has warped values of mom - money is god. it would have saved me 1/2 million $ & daughter would be better off for it. it is wrong to think that crazy parents should be in child's life no matter what. it messes up kids for another generation. $ are not your only problem, good luck

[MantisMan]

Very sad situation.

I had a situation, though not quite like yours. I was in Japan at the time.

There are many ways to show love towards your children and one of them is leaving the situation so that peace my ensue.

Later, when you can meet up again, explain it to him. I'm sure he'll understand after living with the crazy mom for years.

Not to worry. Life goes on.

[Pralaad]

No experience in Thailand with this kind of thing but this is from experience in another country. May be OP can seek advice from local lawyer using my example.

Go to police station and file a report for assault, make sure to have doctors certificates and photo's.

Create another fight(make sure you are safe) and again get medical reports and if possible hidden cam.

Again file police report.

After all is done and have police, medical and hopefully video evidence , file in court for full custody of your kids and forced hospitalization until the new born is out on the grounds of mother being mentally unstable and unfit to care for the new born and existing child.

Argue that she is violent and provide all the evidence.

Courts would grant it and you free to take away the kids .

My cousin went little further, he created a fight and pushed her (verbally ) all the way, while in the mean time calling the hospital , when ambulance arrived they saw a crazy maniac, she was hospitalized for 2 weeks and eventually he got full custody.

Hope it helps

Hey man, either take the advice to cut and run with the kid you've bonded with or take the long way home by playing dirty as some of these last posts suggest. You do NOT have even the vestiges of a legal system here so for get about anything like a negotiated settlement here.

I do not care HOW brilliant the sex was first time around . . . . . You have to bail.

Plan your escape and bail.

"Sometimes, 'fuggedabowdit' just means fuggedabowdit. . . . "

I do not think its dirty at all. Its simply smart.

He is not making her to do anything she is not already doing.

I doubt he can take his kid and go, she will not allow it, i doubt she will allow him to see the kids without him supporting her and even if he managed to get 1 kid away, there is another on the way.

I still think, use your mental state against her and play it smart.

No police or judge will let her keep the kids after seeing what she is capable of.

[Foxter]

I am sorry to hear about your situation.

I do not know much about the laws in Laos, so will not try to tell you whats the law.

I do have experience in divorce and in these situations, She is obviously blackmailing you, and manipulating you, this is typical in this situation, world wide, mean (generally ) go to the easiest option and cave in, do not. Look at the long term, your children's future, do you want them with her ?? and seeing that type of behaviour?

You seem calm and in control , keep doing that.

I would cal the police , get document ion as to your injuries, this way its recorded even if they do nothing. For all you know the police may be aware of what she is like, after all its her village and she has lived there for a long time, I doubt that this is the first time.

Don't give her the money, give her some, what you thing is enough, as once you give her the money , you are setting a precedence , then she will ask for more, and when she wants, keep control, and you have control of the money. it may be the ply thing you may be in control of at the moment. It may not be much, but it will give you a feeling of Some, control.

I agree with another member, tell her if she hits you again, you will not speak to her or contact her.

You could start the divorce proceedings. This will show you are in control, and she will see her money and income go, and call her bluff. Remember she is blackmailing you, for money and your children, once you give in, like all blackmailers, they will want and keep wanting more.

I know , God I know it will not be easy, but think go the long run, a year or more ahead, not this week or this month, as it will not get resolved, think longer, its the only way to focus.

I hope I have helped, from someone who has sen there, granted in a different country but the principles are the same.

Good luck mate

[Foxter]

Good luck mate

Edited April 23, 2014 by Foxter

[Craig351]

This is a sad story I have seen and heard of similar stories

This is it in a nut shell, most of us have said it

1. You have the power but you cant see it, you need to give it time before you will understand this

2. Whatever you think you can't deal with this girl, she is one of those crazy Thai self-serving girls she will not change until reality strikes ,,,,, it will take time

3. No reason to try anything now total waste of time

4. Go run disappear before this get worse and totally out of control

5. you must know her bank account put a small amount of money in there 2 to 3,000 per month for the baby and your son

6. I would take your son but only if you will jump on a plane within a day and your gone

7. if you stay in Thailand don't contact her or deal with her for at least 2 to 3 months then call her see how it goes if her number has changed or you cant contact her ok let it be. Do not go there to see her or make amends if she really wants you or fix things she wont change her number.

8. only way to win here and get back to an even status need to leave get away clear your head and thoughts let her see what its like with out you and how her life is,,, don't go giving big money thinking your doing the right thing, its actually the worst thing you can do.

That's it good luck if you can really listen to us and do it you have some hope

if you give her money agree to all she is asking and put up with it all this will only get worse

[danmarnj]

This is not how you want to spend your life. She only loves money, its obvious she does not love you,,,sorry, been there myself. Get out, support your kid,,,,she will hold visitation from you, for sure, if more financial demands are not met....sad situation, but need to extricate yourself

[rotary]

just continue to stay calm and keep in mind in the legal system she has no grounds to divorce you or at the very least it will be years in the future.

also money to support your kids is not calculated as percentage of salary, but on costs of living with bkk being highest with perhaps some 20-30k per month for 2 kids till 18 years or so old including school etc...

of course all assets after marriage may have to be shared 50/50 like house car etc, but example you wanna move back to your country with 1 kid so sell house and you will have a good deal of cash recovered in your half while of course the wife may think she can keep all & not able to pay you your half of the house value!!

although your wife seem to behave a bit violent it seems you have still some control but slow down see how it looks after staying apart a while. let her know you will support kids, but cut or stop all support to wife for now and take it from there...

it may also be that in the end you can find a way back together again if this is more like a extreme situation which will not get worse?

in this case you may consider family therapy/counseling...

best of luck

Talk to a lawyer for sure but child support is more like 3000 to 5000 baht per child per month plus 1/2 school fee's. Stay tight on the cash, as she will just spend it on her Thai BF anyway, and buy the kids extra things they might need. Good luck mate.

[ggt]

I would advise taking someone...a friend...as a witness to her behavior...maybe she will be a bit calmer with another person present...

[DLP]

Whats the difference between a Thai wife and a terrorist ?

You can negotiate with a terrorist.

[slipperylobster]

How does ransom sound to you? 18 years of it? If your son has a passport from your country and you really want him then you must arrange a distraction and fly out at least 2 hours before she shows up to get him. You must be in flight and out of Thailand. Otherwise, you will be as I was in the Philippines. Waiting weeks or months for my son to be allowed to chat with me or see me. I am not married,I insist on supporting him, despite his mom (who is identical to your gal). She owed 4 people money from gambling, and was stealing, and selling our things. Final draw was both ATM cards missing. Struggled under death threats and finally just left.

[recycler]

Stay calm, check what's the matter with her. It could very be well that she has a mental disorder in the category of BPD, (borderling personality disorder), Anxiety or other. Check internet for symptoms and you can easily figure out if this is the case. If it's a real mental disorder and they are not uncommon in Thailand, your chances of solving this are very small and she will repeat this story with many man to come. Your kids will suffer if they stay with her. Your best option is to run with or without the kids and make sure you prepare your escape very well because she will make very attempt to ruin your life for years to come. Try to take the kids to UK if you have any option to do so. For the unborn this may be difficult as you have no rights to the kids when it's born after a divorce.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

Under Thai law for married parents, whoever has the child can keep the child.

I don't understand why anyone thinks the OP has to give the child to the mother, you aren't in Kansas now!

After divorce, it's different.

Until divorce, if you don't let her snatch him, you can keep him.

Don't see her, don't let her see the child, don't give her (or anyone else) access to you or to him.

If the kid is ever out of your sight, for any reason, she can take him.

[Tony125]

Not like we have,t heard similar before is it. "OP says "I don't know if anything is in my name " Really ? If in home country would you give a g/f money to buy house ,car and NOT know if its in your name? Seems like they are to lazy to bother with getting a lawyer to handle major purchase and just let wife do it because they have problem speaking Thai . Oh she will do it all right. Think you should contact lawyers on this site and get legal advice what you can do. She may be suffering from Post Partum Depression but she is dangerous.

Think you need to take son and get away from there. If don't want to return to home country move away from her and send what money you want or ordered by a court and then stay away. You see she wanted to cut your kid out of herself with that kitchen knife(shows how much she hates you) think what she might do with it when you fall asleep. As they say "feed it to the ducks" your d_ _K thtat is.

[benalibina]

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/669298-divorce-and-status/

Previous topic from OP

[Eli1]

Good luck. You're going to need it.

Unless you have enough money to convince the mother to give you legal sole custody of your children, you can't save them from her behavior. They won't starve in Thailand with family around, and you have no control over how they are treated no matter how much money you send.

If I didn't have enough money to "buy" the children from the mother, I would run and hide. Any money you send won't be used for the children. Their lives won't improve and you can't help that.

As I said, good luck.

Mate you are so right his pushing shit up hill he must do what all Thai men do just take the kids and go.

[smotherb]

Very sad situation.

I had a situation, though not quite like yours. I was in Japan at the time.

There are many ways to show love towards your children and one of them is leaving the situation so that peace my ensue.

Later, when you can meet up again, explain it to him. I'm sure he'll understand after living with the crazy mom for years.

Not to worry. Life goes on.

Great idea. Such a marvelous rationalization. Just pick-up and run away. Disregard any negative what ifs--she cannot afford/does not want to care of the kids;the kids grow up poor, uneducated, and emotionally damaged; she does injure herself and the unborn . . . . need I go on?

[peterb17]

Why on earth do so many men marry here? Then it goes wrong.

There is no shared cultural capital, a total clash.

What do you talk about all day? The latest exhibition at the Tate Modern or The Metropolitan , the latest show in Broadway?

The latest scientific developments, even what's happening at the cinema ?

World politics and events?

Living here is very pleasant, but it's a cultural and intellectual wilderness . You need to escape every now and then and soak up some Western culture - keep those brain cells active.

[Pi Sek]

Get your son, get your passports and run, run, run my friend.

The problem is that she has your 2nd child inside her. Unfortunately there's nothing you can do about that until the baby comes out.

[kimbathewhitelion]

just continue to stay calm and keep in mind in the legal system she has no grounds to divorce you or at the very least it will be years in the future.

also money to support your kids is not calculated as percentage of salary, but on costs of living with bkk being highest with perhaps some 20-30k per month for 2 kids till 18 years or so old including school etc...

of course all assets after marriage may have to be shared 50/50 like house car etc, but example you wanna move back to your country with 1 kid so sell house and you will have a good deal of cash recovered in your half while of course the wife may think she can keep all & not able to pay you your half of the house value!!

although your wife seem to behave a bit violent it seems you have still some control but slow down see how it looks after staying apart a while. let her know you will support kids, but cut or stop all support to wife for now and take it from there...

it may also be that in the end you can find a way back together again if this is more like a extreme situation which will not get worse?

in this case you may consider family therapy/counseling...

best of luck

Just a question as I'm happily married, if the house is in the wife's name, how can the house be considered a shared asset...in Thailand. I here of stories where once the Thai woman has everything - house built to quality & car, they'll just kick out their foreign husband or bf?

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[AnotherOneAmerican]

Just a question as I'm happily married, if the house is in the wife's name, how can the house be considered a shared asset...in Thailand. I here of stories where once the Thai woman has everything - house built to quality & car, they'll just kick out their foreign husband or bf?

All assets of married people in Thailand, purchased during the marriage, are considered joint until clear evidence is produced during divorce to prove otherwise.

If a house was purchased during the Thai/foreigner marriage, the Thai claiming sole ownership would be required to prove the source of funding, else the ruling would most likely be 50/50. If the foreigner could prove they provided the funding 100%, then the house would be ordered sold, and the money refunded to the foreigner.

Boyfriends have no such protection and may be removed from a property in a Thai national's name at any time just by a request to the local police.

You may have noticed, PM Yingluck isn't married, probably because she didn't want to share the money coming in, and/or didn't want a situation to ever occur where she was required to produce a list of her assets and their source.

Edited April 23, 2014 by AnotherOneAmerican

[kimbathewhitelion]

Just a question as I'm happily married, if the house is in the wife's name, how can the house be considered a shared asset...in Thailand. I here of stories where once the Thai woman has everything - house built to quality & car, they'll just kick out their foreign husband or bf?

All assets of married people in Thailand, purchased during the marriage, are considered joint until clear evidence is produced during divorce to prove otherwise.

If a house was purchased during the Thai/foreigner marriage, the Thai claiming sole ownership would be required to prove the source of funding, else the ruling would most likely be 50/50. If the foreigner could prove they provided the funding 100%, then the house would be ordered sold, and the money refunded to the foreigner.

Boyfriends have no such protection and may be removed from a property in a Thai national's name at any time just by a request to the local police.

You may have noticed, PM Yingluck isn't married, probably because she didn't want to share the money coming in, and/or didn't want a situation to ever occur where she was required to produce a list of her assets and their source.

Thank you...always good between the many useless posts I come across or post, there's a member who will give me a useful education.

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[thaiguzzi]

1. Get your son's Thai passport in your hands through whatever trickery you can.

2. You now have his two passports.

3. Leave the country.

4. Never return to this area again in the future and never contact the wife or her family again.

End of.

[bristolgeoff]

if the house is in her name or yours,you will be getting 50 percent of the value,law now.the children are a different matter you have to do something if you want to keep it or see it.

the family could disappear and so could you,so move quickly if you want to do something

[Greg Nixon]

SO THE BIG QUESTION IS : " Who owns the house and car ? " " Who has debts? "

If she has big bills give her 50% and let her pay for everything. All the baby supplies, groceries Mom and Dad and all the utilities. She is responsible for her parents and they will not go wanting. Let the utilities be cut off if she doesn't pay. She maybe having problems with the hormonal changes brought on by her pregnancy.

With my Thai wife I pointed out early on all the positive financial results if she remained with me. How many baht over how many years. What improvements I planned for her home. How I would help her family.

Perhaps ask her questions regarding her financial future if she does not remain with you.

Since my Thai wife owns 4 properties and the car, I have no trouble paying for almost everything but she brings her salary to the family as well. She also stands to inherit a Funeral Home and a farm. She owns almost everything but I won't be taking anything with me when I go. She is over 20 years younger than me. She will need a lot of property when I die.

[irishsmile]

SO THE BIG QUESTION IS : " Who owns the house and car ? " " Who has debts? "

If she has big bills give her 50% and let her pay for everything. All the baby supplies, groceries Mom and Dad and all the utilities. She is responsible for her parents and they will not go wanting. Let the utilities be cut off if she doesn't pay. She maybe having problems with the hormonal changes brought on by her pregnancy.

With my Thai wife I pointed out early on all the positive financial results if she remained with me. How many baht over how many years. What improvements I planned for her home. How I would help her family.

Perhaps ask her questions regarding her financial future if she does not remain with you.

Since my Thai wife owns 4 properties and the car, I have no trouble paying for almost everything but she brings her salary to the family as well. She also stands to inherit a Funeral Home and a farm. She owns almost everything but I won't be taking anything with me when I go. She is over 20 years younger than me. She will need a lot of property when I die.

Mate sounds to me that you have fitted into the bracket, so please tell.... You say your wife who is 20 years younger owns 4 properties, so how many before you? I'm not doubting the facts but a little bit more information would be helpful to the original question! Just a question to enlighten every ex-pat who will indeed be very interested on how you fell into this dream relationship with a fantastically rich Thai girl.... Please elaborate.... Thanks

[foxteen]

Just be cool as possible and leave the country and you have more time to think about.Stay around you might get yourself kill

[JohnP1752]

I would let her keep the house, if you can take the financial hit. It would be difficult and time consuming to get any money back for the house, villages tend to have their own laws.

It's also more important that you try to protect your own personal safety, no one will win if you get killed, or you kill her defending yourself. The more meetings you have the more threats and violence you will be subjected to. You've seen the warning signs, take note, prepare and act accordingly.

You have to 'bite the bullet' and leave ASAP with your son and forget about the unborn. Leave her some money, say 10K-20k max a month and give her a call in a month or two to sort out a deal if you think she may calm down, otherwise leave it alone and enjoy the company of your son.

[spiritrace]

Get a lawyer and approach this on her mental unsuitability to be a mother with custody....,.get rid of her.......save the kids.

[worldfun]

marriage in thailand as most countries means all assets bought while married are common. who ever has the name in house book or car book means nothing!! if one wanna be scamed surely just believe all assets belong to the wife cuz she is thai hahah very funny and refreshing comment in a sad thread like this.

as said run do run and fast

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