Meeting decent thai women ?

[hawkeye76]

Ok, here we go.. Slightly personal situation..

I have been in a 5 year+ long relationship with a thai woman, and now started to look for something better.

New beginnings and all that.. Broke up with my ex 2 years ago..

Moved to CM last year, and is trying to build a new life, and all that..

SInce then, i came to the conclusion that either i must be the dumbest mother <deleted> or something, as im finding it hard to meet a decent woman in CM. Plenty of golddiggers, but no one really serious.

I dont drink in my day to day life = do not go to bars all the time, and is likewise not interested in dating a bar girl, or massage girl. +++.

Financially im good/fine, (not rich but normal western eu salary = upper middle class in thailand, i guess) + i have a good education (thai people like that ..).. But i came to the conclusion that its almost impossible to find a decent woman here in CM for me, no matter what. The good ones are all taken already, or they are not interested in foreigners.. Not sure..

The girls i found in shopping malls and so on, all wanted to quit their jobs so i could take care of them within the first week of the "relationship". Identical story happened 3 times = Out the door asap! In time, sure i can take care of them if they dont want to work.. But not right away.. Im not an atm ..

Im 37 years old, normal looking guy, slightly on the big side, non-thai speaker!, Living here fulltime in rented nice house. What am i doing wrong.. In Bangkok (i go there sometimes for weekend break) i get several offers from working class ladies every time, but here in CM its almost impossible to meet anybody.. I just never want to live in Bkk. Gives me headackes from pollution. I dont know if its a culture difference about the women her, or.. More closed off women here maybe, or what is going on..

Have anyone have experienced similar things..

And if so, can you please give some advice.

Last but not least.. If you know a decent, english speaking attractive (Not a 250lbs elephant!) woman let me know in a private mail..

Personally i would never date a bar girl in my home country, so see no need to make that mistake here..

Same goes for many other things in life.. Im sure many have great relationships even if the girl comes from a bar, but i have lived here for a long time, and most of the relationships i seen is ended in shit for the foreigner! The woman usually have a nice new house though, lol.. I will just never be that guy.

But hope to get some ideas/answers..

[myanmar123]

I've been told that good honest thai women won't date foreigners, culture thing!!! How true that is I don't know.

Perhaps learning thai would help!!

Goodluck.

Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

[hawkeye76]

I've been told that good honest thai women won't date foreigners, culture thing!!! How true that is I don't know.

Perhaps learning thai would help!!

Goodluck.

Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

I didnt say that, or anything close !!

I did say: "I dont know if its a culture difference about the women her, or.. More closed off women here maybe, or what is going on.."

However, the thai language is surely a factor. Have been trying, but finding it very hard to stick in my head..

maybe need intensive studies or something.. but unless your retired, who got that time (5+ hours per day!)..

[Ulysses G.]

I meet great Thai women all the time, but, it is true that they have already been snapped up by some lucky Thai guy when they were much younger. Most of the women who are interested in foreigners have already been royally screwed over by a Thai partner, which might make them more mercenary.

[Oscar2]

if you have good luck in Bangkok, why not spend some time there every so often and meet some girls? if they like you they will surely visit you in Chiang Mai. many years ago when i was single i had a nice g/f in Bangkok and i lived in C.M. my g/f at the time would come up and visit often.

i don't think anyone can honestly answer your questions. everyone is different. but if you have good luck in BKK - then go with it!

good luck.

[Loaded]

Most foreigners never enter the social circles of well-educated Thai women. There are many well-educated Thai women who would like to meet well-educated and respectable Western men. I married one. Many of her friends (business owners, journalists for Reuters, bank managers, lawyers...) are in their late 30s but still single. They are fussy and do not want a man who won't respect them as an individual. I believe all would consider a Western man. However, most Western men I meet in Chiang Mai are thoroughly unsuitable.

[Costas2008]

OP, please, define decent woman or share with us your fantasy about a decent woman.

Because, I, believe it only exists in your fantasy.

[Dante99]

"most Western men I meet in Chiang Mai are thoroughly unsuitable"

so many of them are looking for girls rather than ladies or women, they must be good o l d b o y s

Edited April 29, 2014 by Dante99

[WinnieTheKhwai]

The girls i found in shopping malls and so on, all wanted to quit their jobs so i could take care of them within the first week of the "relationship".

I've said this so many times before, though nobody really agrees with it:

Looking at the type of person (Socio-economic situation if you will) working in shopping malls and other lower / lower-mid range professions, there is very little difference between the people in that group that didn't switch to work in bars and the minority that did.

You are fishing in the same pool. That's a pool of people for whom money is an incredibly important aspect of a relationship, AND FOR GOOD REASON. (So don't think I'm slagging off people in that group, either the mall/shop/Tesco/7-11 ones or the bar ones.) Finding a partner with enough money and with an attitude of taking care fo their partner IS THE DIFFERENCE between a solid education for any of her chidren, or not. It IS THE DIFFERENCE between her parents having a reasonably comfortable, healthy and cared for retirement, or not.

So firstly stop thinking there is something wrong with that attitude and calling it mercenary. It's called survival, or 'common sense' if you will.

To get out of that whole mess where finances totally hang over your day to day relationship like a wet blanket, you must change pools. OR accept that you will be taking care of your (yes, YOUR) family to some degree.

Edited April 29, 2014 by WinnieTheKhwai

[HeavyDrinker]

Oh God not another one of these ....OP settle for a (former) prostitute. Many do and seem perfectly happy if they ever admit it....

[Puwa]

Because there's nothing more attractive to a woman than a chubby, illiterate, tightfisted man who seeks dating advice online.

Sorry, I know that sounds terribly harsh, but I'm trying to make a point: any woman constantly filters and screens and selects--she must do so, as a matter of survival. The more she has to offer, the more selective she will be. What do you think matters to a "decent" Thai woman? If you don't know, you'd better start by finding out. This is a different culture and people value different things. Tone of voice, etiquette, respect, confidence, lightheartdedness, sensitivity to the nuances of social interaction-- the list goes on and on. Examine yourself through her eyes and make an honest assessment. Improve yourself and you will improve your chances. Give it a try, you might like the results.

[Ulysses G.]

To get out of that whole mess where finances totally hang over your day to day relationship like a wet blanket, you must change pools. OR accept that you will be taking care of your (yes, YOUR) family to some degree.

Beggars can't be choosers. Many of us expats are lucky to find any woman at all. Why not help out their family, if it is that important to them?

[Oscar2]

OP, please, define decent woman or share with us your fantasy about a decent woman.

Because, I, believe it only exists in your fantasy.

he probably means a non-prostitute or ex-prostitute from Isaan or a drug user.

if you think they only exist in fantasy then you are incredibly uninformed.

Edited April 29, 2014 by Oscar2

[northernjohn]

I met my wife at a massage shop that was on the street no happy endings. She worked there at night and as a maid during the day.

We have a perfect relationship for me and her. I am a low maintenance man and that gives her time with her family who she greatly values. Yes I do put money into it. I give her money every month as she quit her jobs they did not suit my lifestyle. She like many Thai women wanted me to buy a house. I refused. I make it a policy not to buy what I can not walk away from no matter what country I am in. It was not because she was a gold digger that she wanted the house it was and is a cultural thing. It would make her feel secure. To many Thai ladies have been just used by men and discarded. It took two years for her to feel secure that I was not just using her.

She is the best thing that ever happened to me. I came to Thailand for a visit and found a life. It might not and probably is not what others would want as I am now 72 and no longer as robust as I used to be. But it suits me. In closing I might add that she takes better care of me than I do.

I am not a drinker so I would not look for my wife in a bar here any more than back home. That is a world I prefer to stay out of now. I do admit at your age I would go to the ones back home that had dancing.

[Berkshire]

The OP is like many farangs that I know. They think that just by being a farang, Thai women will be lining up to be with them. Yes, some Thai women...but these women are not lining up for the right reasons. Most normal Thai women are not after a man for his money. But there are some that have money high on their priority list. And these are the Thai women who are after farangs. Accept it. Ask yourself, "what woman would want to be with a man that she can barely communicate with?" Therein lies the answer to why the OP is meeting the wrong women.

OP needs to lower his expectations a bit. Let's face it, he wants a woman much more attractive than himself, i.e., better than he deserves. Such a woman exist, but will likely be only attracted to his finances. But if he's willing to accept an older woman, say, 35+, average to below average looks, perhaps even a single mother, the field is wide open.

[Oscar2]

you don't have to settle on a single mother. there are millions without kids.

[A1Str8]

I believe cm is full of decent women. I am serious.

I have found that all the great things are out there for the taking. How much you experience from it is up to you.

Sent from my GT-I9500 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[siamod]

I give up for relationships with asian/thai women already, and I agree with Berkshire´s post. But 35+ single mothers needs maybe even a bit more support, I would guess...

[Thighlander]

Go a little older...the kids will be grown, but only find one with a job, they will drive you crazy if they are around all the time, and when they are at work; not only are they not spending your money, but they are making some of their own. I'm amazed at how sloppy many of them are with money....I'll save that for another day.

[heybruce]

Quick question: Do you speak Thai? If not you are greatly limiting the number of women you can have a conversation with, which greatly limits your options.

Most or all educated Thai women have studied English, but most have had little opportunity to practice conversational English.

[Som wat]

Have you tried the decent woman shop along the moat?

Open from 10am-6pm Mon to Fri.

[ianf]

First of all, what is a decent Thai woman? I married a lady who was a civil engineer. She has an MBA as well as science degrees. She stated that her pet hates were bar girls and infidelity, and dishonesty.

OK: you've guessed where I am going! We got married. She came to the UK. She spoke perfect English, learned French and Chinese, not attractive but intelligent and fun. She persuaded me to move to Thailand. Once here she did all sorts of things behind my back including hooking up with an old boyfriend from a Bangkok University. She was smart and clever and found ways to control bank accounts and so on. She was on a long haul: 5/6 years of marriage, making me believe that there were no problems, but she built it all up behind my back. Wrecked my life and finances. She was a perfect liar and cheat. Don't necessarily think because someone is intelligent and middle class that she's better than bar girls. Compared to 'Ami', give me a bar girl any day! Just a little warning to you!

[BlackArtemis]

Not speaking Thai is your down fall. I am always meeting new people, including nice educated women, through daily interactions. Though maybe they will play they "quit my job game" too.

Ex who has an MS in Teaching English and runs her own tutoring company / business - Met her at work years ago

my other ex I met through friends, she has a BA in English and Italian and a MA in Fashion design from Sweden.

After getting out of a relationship with the second girl I knew I would only be in country a bit longer, so for the hell of it I joined Thai Friendly.

Honestly, I met a lot of great girls. I had t weed them out and met only 6 of the 90 or so who I talked to in a 6 week period.

Lots of girls were outside CM, so I took them off the list. Then any girl who's profile was just sexy shots, as it was clear she was probably using all she's got for advertising, then I talked longer to some of the educated girls or maybe they lied about that on their profile) and I finally met them. Also I would never talk to them about how they were cute etc, just asked them about their interests etc. All of the girls I met were sane and quite polite, we just didn't click. I still talk to a few of them now.

[myanmar123]

What I mean is by decent and honest thai women is uni educated in families with money.

Tell me one for foreigner you know who is married to a thai who's family is minted!!! You can't cos it doesn't happen.

Even some girls who work in the shopping malls or hairdressers by day are whores by night ( Fact).

As far as I'm concerned the day you give your first monthly 'fee' to your wife then your life and purse strings are slowly getting cut to ribbons.

I am married to a Burmese girl, I don't give a monthly fee as she is my wife, I am not renting her!!!!!

She works full time in uk as a carer and I run a small business. 13 years and I have never paid a monthly (rental) fee and I never will.

Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

[Thighlander]

First of all, what is a decent Thai woman? I married a lady who was a civil engineer. She has an MBA as well as science degrees. She stated that her pet hates were bar girls and infidelity, and dishonesty.

OK: you've guessed where I am going! We got married. She came to the UK. She spoke perfect English, learned French and Chinese, not attractive but intelligent and fun. She persuaded me to move to Thailand. Once here she did all sorts of things behind my back including hooking up with an old boyfriend from a Bangkok University. She was smart and clever and found ways to control bank accounts and so on. She was on a long haul: 5/6 years of marriage, making me believe that there were no problems, but she built it all up behind my back. Wrecked my life and finances. She was a perfect liar and cheat. Don't necessarily think because someone is intelligent and middle class that she's better than bar girls. Compared to 'Ami', give me a bar girl any day! Just a little warning to you!

This is certainly a recurring theme. Dealing with a prossie; you are simply dealing with the devil. The girls who "aren't prossies" and come from "good families"....you are playing with fire, and it could easily cost you a lot more than a bit of purple persuasion.

[umbanda]

By my own experience, I think is not easy to find a decent woman in Thailand if your daily activity is not related with a "normal" working class. Most decent women, like in others countries, single or divorced, are 8AM to 5PM working women or university students/teachers. I am a lot older than you, and married, and never was looking for very young women like the ones probably you are interested in meeting, but I see many nice women working in big stores and banks, real estate companies, dealerships, medical clinics, universities, language schools, weddings and temple's events, art galleries, shopping mall, etc. Decent women are also very concerned about image and reputation, no frequenting bars or some karaoke places, or dressing too "western". Anyway..and by own experience, Most Thai women are very much interested in a find an "sponsor" to change for better life, to travel more, or to get a business partners, etc, etc, than to find love and affection when dating a foreigner. Love will be just a plus, and for a young westerner, that may be a problem for a "normal" relationship if looking for real commitment.

To find the right one can be a long journey....and you will have a lot more chances in be successful if you speak Thai. ....if not..take the time to learn it. If you are lucky, you may meet a fluent English speaker. Love do not happens without good communication. but looks like you are in the right age, experience, and life's situation to do it. No compromises. "Luck doesn't exist. Luck is when opportunity meets preparation"

Make a list of your "wants and needs" and do not give up. Good luck.

Edited April 29, 2014 by umbanda

[gypsyrodeo]

a friend of mine gets more tale than a tuk tuk seat,,,he had a thai friend write in perfect thai " thailand is the greatest country in the world..i would love to learn to speak real thai..would you like to learn more english? lets get together and practice languages together ..please call..i would like to be your friend ( phone number )"…he went to the printer and had 1000 cards printed..every time he sees a girl he likes he hands the card to her while wearing an unthreatening soft semi shy smile…the card doesn't say woo hoo your sexy blah blah ..girls know where its going to lead..its classier..if they call meet up for a coffee..thats about as cheap as you can get away with i guess

[Thighlander]

lots of great nurses on the evening/night shifts, same with flight attendants....the old battle axes get the day shift.

[hawkeye76]

 

The OP is like many farangs that I know. They think that just by being a farang, Thai women will be lining up to be with them. Yes, some Thai women...but these women are not lining up for the right reasons. Most normal Thai women are not after a man for his money. But there are some that have money high on their priority list. And these are the Thai women who are after farangs. Accept it. Ask yourself, "what woman would want to be with a man that she can barely communicate with?" Therein lies the answer to why the OP is meeting the wrong women.

OP needs to lower his expectations a bit. Let's face it, he wants a woman much more attractive than himself, i.e., better than he deserves. Such a woman exist, but will likely be only attracted to his finances. But if he's willing to accept an older woman, say, 35+, average to below average looks, perhaps even a single mother, the field is wide open.

 

I have to say, i think i am not looking for the perfect woman..

Just a woman that is my female opposite.

Well educated, good honoust person, around 30 years, not looking for money, non gambling or drinking or smoking, non stealing, or any other stupid things..

I am a good honoust man with good manors, and moral values. I deserve someone good!

I am starting to understand, that some people, think everyone is like themselves.. "a heavy drinker", with the typical excuses "oh she is to hard to get.. just grab a bar girl..", because you have spend 0 years in school the last 40 years, and most likely have nothing to offer in a serious relationship, you think everyone else is in the same situation..

That is just wrong on countless levels..

I do know a perfect woman in Bangkok (Bank branch manager/career woman), who is exactly what im looking for, and she is crazy about me, but.. She cant leave bangkok because of work. So i have to live there.. I hate it there.. Hence im trying to find someone here..

[gypsyrodeo]

lots of great nurses on the evening/night shifts, same with flight attendants....the old battle axes get the day shift.

i know 4 people who ended up marrying nurses..the girls were younger,,good looking and didn't want to quit their jobs AND they spoke enough english to sort of make it work..a lot of thai girls have been so burned by thai guys that a foreigner is a great option to share expenses with..the key is to take it slightly slow and go the friend route for the first week to 10 days…start off sincerely just wanting to be friends..also "friends" aren't forced to go buy a shopping mall..this gives you time to figure it out…and if things work then get happily married