Thai men and their offspring - why do so many not care after a divorce?

[AnotherOneAmerican]

Wife's sister's ex.

both Thai

She booted him out 12 years ago in BKK.

She comes to OZ, gets married to farang.

She owns 2 houses (Bkk & out West), and had had 2 of her kids with him.

He never, never supported, but remained always popping in, and asking her for handouts

This year 2014, she's tried to sell her houses.

Ex finds out she never actually Divorced him properly, all those years ago.

He tries to kill her, for the houses, as he determined he 'still' had a husband-right to all her property, even though it was all bought (after) she pissed him off.

His youngest is now 23, and recently went back to Thailand, to do the 3 month'n'monk thing, to avoid going into the Army.

Ex-dude was trying to be all over his Ex, as if he's still married, all this during the days of Ceremony.

Farang hubby didn't let her out of his sight, as she's not the type to fend for herself.

Dude's finally been banished by all the family, after she finally got her Divorce done a couple of months ago,

and she finally built up the courage,

above and beyond her lost-face, to tell all about what her 'Ex' had tried on her.

(Farang hubby still doesn't know wife was technically married for these 10 years.)

Her Ex (yep he is her Ex, now), never did anything for the kids, but did only for whatever he could scheme - to drain everything from her

To be fair,

Legally Thai husband is entitled to 50% of everything she had, she should be jailed as a bigamist. Australian husband should be informed, and the woman deported back to Thailand. As a bigamist she has no entitlement to Australian citizenship.

As far as I can see the woman is a criminal, and the Australian and Thai man have been scammed and betrayed by a crook.

[snottgoblin]

Un-freaking-believable the types of replies on this thread. The OP asks a legitimate question, and all you TV surfers can do is make stupid remarks, and attempt to be funny. I see many of the stupid remarks coming from the same set of TV users. These people must spend all day waiting for a new post so they can attempt to ridicule, degrade, or make an attempt to be funny. Get a life! If you don't have anything constructive to say, then say nothing! It is this stupidity that degrades this forum and makes it nearly worthless.

In response to the OP's question: There are Thai laws that require the father of the child to provide support, however, there is not attempt to enforce them. Most of the police that may to the enforcing are probably in the same situation. I have had this discussion with my wife, and she says that the fathers just are too small to accept the responsibility and would rather walk away and pretend the children don't exist. I agree that this is has a terrible effect on society. But, if the Thai government had to provide financial support to these fatherless children, you'd bet that suddenly there would be enforcement of support. That is the main motivation of western governments to enforce support so the government doesn't have to dole out the money.

On a related issue, think how many less girls there would be working in bars if the fathers stepped up and paid support. This is another approach to reducing prostitution in Thailand - enforce child support laws, and the girls may stay home and take care of their babies.

Did you ever consider the fact that the thread was set up to criticise and ridicule Thais? Whereustay has a proven track record of this, hence a lot of the replies

As for your last paragraph, maybe a bit more education might be a better starting point.

What is it all about with some of you people regarding the OP ? If you consider him a tosser, just dont comment on his threads. Better to look at a topic and then form your opinion about it and if you have something relevant to write, write it. If you only want to slag off a member, dont write anything but use the PM

function.

Kapom.

Are you a wannabe mod? Or an ex school prefect?

No, only a member bored of reading yours and others unavoidable personal comments regarding this OP on many threads. It was only a friendly request from me. Nothing more.

Well there is an ignore function, you can use that if you don't like certain posts.

[neverdie]

Let me get this right, the OP needs to judge all Thai men based on his 5 minute observation of some hooker & her personal situation on soi dodgy. Seems like a well balanced approach for research & well in line with some of the OP's previous work on TVF.

Sadly there's no end of tools that want to encourage him. Wonder if the OP would bash his own nationality in the same way? Bet not !

[snottgoblin]

Let me get this right, the OP needs to judge all Thai men based on his 5 minute observation of some hooker & her personal situation on soi dodgy. Seems like a well balanced approach for research & well in line with some of the OP's previous work on TVF.

Sadly there's no end of tools that want to encourage him. Wonder if the OP would bash his own nationality in the same way? Bet not !

I believe The OP may be Canadian, but that doesn't lead me to believe that all Canadians are bellends, based on his postings.

[neverdie]

Let me get this right, the OP needs to judge all Thai men based on his 5 minute observation of some hooker & her personal situation on soi dodgy. Seems like a well balanced approach for research & well in line with some of the OP's previous work on TVF.

Sadly there's no end of tools that want to encourage him. Wonder if the OP would bash his own nationality in the same way? Bet not !

I believe The OP may be Canadian, but that doesn't lead me to believe that all Canadians are bellends, based on his postings.

Agreed Gobsta,

Of course it's okay here to line up Thai for a sly touch up but try coming on and having a go at one of these nabs cultures and see what happens.

If he's Canadian, he'd definitely be on the outa, maybe he grew from a bucket on the floor of a Canadian knock shop!

[kerrysum]

No one will change

Rome in one day, Thailand has been this way for many years, so why are you so surprised? Multiple wives, or partners? Yes... I tend not to dwell on it.... And just a question? Why would one call the Issan a lower class? Just a thought... kilosierra

[tifino]

No one will change

Rome in one day, Thailand has been this way for many years, so why are you so surprised? Multiple wives, or partners? Yes... I tend not to dwell on it.... And just a question? Why would one call the Issan a lower class? Just a thought... kilosierra

I'm sure I have read a Thread somewhere about this very thing.

I've heard, even from Thai peole here in OZ, that the Isaan towns of the East North are lowly regarded by Central Thais.

Isaan towns seem to be brightly painted/colourful, to compensate.

I only recall the reading of this relevant Topic, back in Feb/March'14

In Australia, Victoria - Melbourne Eastside people look down from those from the West.

Many from the State - Victoria in General, look down on the People of Central Gippsland, especially Moe

Melbourne suburbanites look down on those coming from Heidelberg West.

So...It is not an Isolated concept really...

[Tmymaimee]

No one will change

Rome in one day, Thailand has been this way for many years, so why are you so surprised? Multiple wives, or partners? Yes... I tend not to dwell on it.... And just a question? Why would one call the Issan a lower class? Just a thought... kilosierra

Just trying to stir it up about the Isaan comment. Some people are overly sensitive about their wife coming from Isaan because so many prostitutes are from Isaan. Just meant it as a bit of humour.

What I just can't understand is why so many Thai men have no interest in their children. Contrary to what some guys believe that male animals only wish to breed, I just assumed most guys would be thrilled to be a father and want to be apart of their child's life forever. I took this as a given as my friends have all said the day their child was born was one of the most memorable days of their life.

Is it not the same feeling for most Thai men?

And for the posters that claim men in the west only pay support under threat of jail....is this true? Wouldn't most men voluntarily want to take care of their children without any court order? I would love the chance to have Thai mixed children if I could meet a Thai lady of equal financial capacity and education. I just feel a successful marriage should be one of equals and not some gross mismatch where the man has 10,000 X more baht than her.

[HeavyDrinker]

I would love the chance to have Thai mixed children if I could meet a Thai lady of equal financial capacity and education.

If I were you I'd settle for just meeting a Thai lady full stop; that is a real live Thai lady and not one of your made up ones. in your imaginary world...

[Greg Nixon]

My wife's niece was left by her father. She is 16 years old and has no idea why he left. the mother does not know either. He paid for a few things but it is the emotional disconnect that hurts. She is a lovely girl. So sad.

[Greg Nixon]

Issan people are extremely stoic. They try not to show any emotion - not love , not sadness, not joy. But the same things happen in North America.

No one will change
Rome in one day, Thailand has been this way for many years, so why are you so surprised? Multiple wives, or partners? Yes... I tend not to dwell on it.... And just a question? Why would one call the Issan a lower class? Just a thought... kilosierra

Just trying to stir it up about the Isaan comment. Some people are overly sensitive about their wife coming from Isaan because so many prostitutes are from Isaan. Just meant it as a bit of humour.

What I just can't understand is why so many Thai men have no interest in their children. Contrary to what some guys believe that male animals only wish to breed, I just assumed most guys would be thrilled to be a father and want to be apart of their child's life forever. I took this as a given as my friends have all said the day their child was born was one of the most memorable days of their life.

Is it not the same feeling for most Thai men?

And for the posters that claim men in the west only pay support under threat of jail....is this true? Wouldn't most men voluntarily want to take care of their children without any court order? I would love the chance to have Thai mixed children if I could meet a Thai lady of equal financial capacity and education. I just feel a successful marriage should be one of equals and not some gross mismatch where the man has 10,000 X more baht than her.

[jcisco]

I think this post is right on. I have been broken financially to see my children which the ex used like a weapon. My current Thai wife of 15 years would never leave me even if I was not a good person out of love and devotion to our two boys. The two marraiges were like night and day. Meanwhile my half and half boys love me to death while the farang children don't even talk to me.

Thats is sad dude, sorry to hear that.

[Tmymaimee]

I would love the chance to have Thai mixed children if I could meet a Thai lady of equal financial capacity and education.

If I were you I'd settle for just meeting a Thai lady full stop; that is a real live Thai lady and not one of your made up ones. in your imaginary world...

C'mon HD, you can do better than that. You just seem like your retorts are losing some of their customary snap. Normally you like to include a masturbatory reference as well...why the desire to exclude it or are you saving it for later?

Why the need for constant critiques while rarely starting your own threads or adding insightful discussion? Sorry about the picture that so many form of you.....older, obese, unhappy, and quick to anger? Accurate?

[HeavyDrinker]

Why would I care about what impression people make of me on an anonymous forum? What has starting topics got to do with it? All that has done for you is to show you up as a deluded fantasist who can't meet women...

[snottgoblin]

I would love the chance to have Thai mixed children if I could meet a Thai lady of equal financial capacity and education.

If I were you I'd settle for just meeting a Thai lady full stop; that is a real live Thai lady and not one of your made up ones. in your imaginary world...

C'mon HD, you can do better than that. You just seem like your retorts are losing some of their customary snap. Normally you like to include a masturbatory reference as well...why the desire to exclude it or are you saving it for later?

Why the need for constant critiques while rarely starting your own threads or adding insightful discussion? Sorry about the picture that so many form of you.....older, obese, unhappy, and quick to anger? Accurate?

Always the same old retort from Mr Kleenex , making judgements about age, obesity and anger issues. Your picture of HD is way off the Mark, but I very much doubt he gives much if a toss about what a fantasist has to write.

[cgphuket]

OP is right, repsponaibility to children is very low in Thailand by their fathers. Anyone who doesnt know that needs to get off the tennis court at their condo once in a while and learn about this country. And David? why is it you always depand proof when others make statments, but generally talk out your bum in your 50 posts a day?

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Just some issues to arise form the OP ...

"Men will pay millions in child support payments following custody judgements." ... since you are using a Western example, lets presume that you are referring to either Dollars or Pounds.

Millions ... don't you think that the statement is a bit of a stretch? Stats to back up that claim?

"I've simply never seen such a lack of care in any other culture." ... you've personally visited every other Culture?

Coffee time ... alt=coffee1.gif width=32 height=24>

.

[CharlieH]

This comment is just a "what if" kind of thing, I mean it isnt directed at any thais as such as I dont know any in the situation.

It was once said to me, that it is so difficult to carry on a relationship when you hate the other parent, everytime you look at the child it reminds you of something you want to forget. The child is often used as a weapon, poisoned against the other parent. A game ensues of the new "dad" and who provides nicer things, better holidays etc. So comparisons are always made and not often favourable to the absent parent. The relationship becomes strained and eventually breaks. Then, and more relevant in Thailand I think there are the wider family issues and influence. Where the parents of the father dont like the family of the girl, consider themselves higher and insist its a trap, or the father of the girl is outraged by what the boy has done and banishes him from ever visiting the village on fear of death !

Just a few thoughts to throw into the mix.

[HeavyDrinker]

One of the waiters in my local is only a young fella of 24 and has 4 kids already.

He's a right fanny rat and few of the local lasses have owt to do with him but he takes care of his kids regularly. Indeed the poor lad had 3 of them running about the place last night and he wanted to enjoy the footie but his ex turned up with them, she was all tarted up to the nines as she was off out to see her Gik/Flogging her clout and she's got huge tits and a cracking arse.

[CharlieH]

One of the waiters in my local is only a young fella of 24 and has 4 kids already.

He's a right fanny rat and few of the local lasses have owt to do with him but he takes care of his kids regularly. Indeed the poor lad had 3 of them running about the place last night and he wanted to enjoy the footie but his ex turned up with them, she was all tarted up to the nines as she was off out to see her Gik/Flogging her clout and she's got huge tits and a cracking arse.

By eck lad, you gotta real knack wit words! 555555

Edited June 15, 2014 by CharlieH

[atyclb]

Bottom line ; children are very important in society as they comprise most of the adolescent and adult population.

[Cypress Hill]

I think all this thread serves to illustrate is that the majority of members are firmly ensconced within the nether regions of Thailand's socio-economic scale with friends, lovers, wives and extended family possessed of 3rd rate educations.

This isn't surprising given that so many are socially-awkward misfits who've formed such short-sighted opinions of the Thai people based upon a handful of experiences in the bar industry and daily encounters with motorbike taxi riders. Nevertheless, they remain here for easily accessible ass they'd not stand a snowball's chance in hell of tapping back home. How predictable

Without doubt, there are one or two posters who, 6 months or a year ago, would've gotten involved in this discussion by injecting a dose of reality garnered from a life further up the social ladder where ordinary Thai men and women raise their children to the best of their ability and consider anything less a serious dereliction of duty and a grave loss of "face".

Understandably, however, those posters don't bother contributing any more such is the ubiquity of the ultra-moronic, foul-mouthed TVF troglodyte who thinks nothing of routinely insulting other posters and their wives or partners using the most sickening language (you know who you are) possibly because they themselves are married to a local female of questionable virtue who is no longer providing access to the unique selling point she brought to the table in the first place.

Yes the OP's topics are usually trollish but this one raises some interesting points that more than a few posters think warrant discussion. If the flamers would rather attack the OP rather than discuss the topic, why not exchange rendezvous details via PM, meet up somewhere nice and quiet with an assortment of weaponry and kill each other because, SERIOUSLY, you won't be missed on here!

Edited June 15, 2014 by Cypress Hill

[little mary sunshine]

Not just a Thai thing. Lots of Westerners are to cheap to provide support to their

Children after a divorce too. Judge and Court Ordrs are ignored. At least in tne

States the ex wife can go to court and have drivers license, contractors license

Revoked until the DEAD BEATstarts to support his children. Several DEAD BEATS

Run off to Thailand instead of supporting their children...Ran into a couple of

The DEAD BEAR DRUNKS in Pattaya. Always have beer money, don't care if

Their children have food!!

[CharlieH]

Dont be so quick to apportion blame, you have NO IDEA on the circumstances of the individuals concerned or what brought them to that position and the decisions they had to make or how painful the whole thing may have been and still is. There are many "fathers" out there that would love access to and to provide for their children but have been denied by a vindictive and manipulative partner whose ultimate interest is money and feathering their own nest further.

Edited June 15, 2014 by CharlieH

[khunPer]

I think this post is right on. I have been broken financially to see my children which the ex used like a weapon. My current Thai wife of 15 years would never leave me even if I was not a good person out of love and devotion to our two boys. The two marraiges were like night and day. Meanwhile my half and half boys love me to death while the farang children don't even talk to me.

»...my half and half boys love me to death while the farang children don't even talk to me.«

Interesting post – I’ve noticed from my daughters school books in primary, how children in Thailand are taught to praise mom & dad; furthermore the Moms Day and Dads Day ceremonies in school may also teach the kids something. Do the schools at “home” teach something similar…?

[bangon04]

While it is difficult to make generalisations without hard data the observations of the OP are similar to mine.

I think it is because of the significant difference in the role of males and females in Thai society compared to our western judeo-christian culture.

We have a greater emphasis on the "sanctity" of marriage and the dominant role of the male as the "breadwinner" In western culture we are a patriacal culture while here it is more matriacal. In many Thai families the wife is the main breadwinner and owns the "shop". Women behind the scenes are actually very dominant in Thai relationships.

There is not the same social stigma for a married man to have extra-marital affairs. In deed in some hi-so circles a mans status is defined by having a "little wife", However, if a marriage does break up, then despite that the law says things should be equally divided the wife generally keeps the assets which includes the children while the man moves on to another relationship.

It may also be that the new "wife/gf" does not want children of the previous relationship around. (again a sign of her dominance).

Put more simply, he man has sown his "seed" and past on his genes. The mother will look after them, so its time for him to move on and try to sow some more.

I am sorry to disagree but since we are generalising, one answer to the OP is Yes there are other countries, where you are just as likely or more likely to meet a mother whose husband or sperm donor has run away without any further contact or support for the children. The Philippines is an obvious example - a supposedly judeo-Christian culture - a "devoutly" Catholic country, where contraception is less available and more stigmatised than in easy-going Thailand.

To try and answer some other aspect of the OP - fathers abandon their kids because they can - the law is weak or ineffective. The women feel they need a breadwinner/man to support them, and the men will take advantage.

The women are maybe lacking education to use contraception, or are culturally inhibited from doing so. Until the women take more proactive roles in babymaking, the inequality will continue. And until the mothers, who are the main educators of their darling little sons, decide to teach them how to be more responsible, and not to continue the "little emperor" syndrome, change will be slow.

Edited June 15, 2014 by bangon04

[smotherb]

Just some issues to arise form the OP ...

"Men will pay millions in child support payments following custody judgements." ... since you are using a Western example, lets presume that you are referring to either Dollars or Pounds.

Millions ... don't you think that the statement is a bit of a stretch? Stats to back up that claim?

"I've simply never seen such a lack of care in any other culture." ... you've personally visited every other Culture?

Coffee time ...

.

Two scenarios come to mind: 1) "men" is plural; therefore, even a million men paying two pounds yearly in child support would be millions or, you do the math, how many men does it take to make millions in child support if each only paid 3600 pounds a year; and 2) since child support is partly based on the worth of the payer, how many wealthy men paying child support does it take to reach millions--and even women pay child support.

However, since common sense doesn't seem to be your strong suit, here are some sites which may help.

http://money.cnn.com/2012/11/05/news/economy/unpaid-child-support/index.html

http://hothits957.cbslocal.com/2012/05/08/most-expensive-child-support-payments/

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/02/21/deadbeat-parents-celebrit_n_2586035.html

http://madamenoire.com/437243/10-expensive-child-support-payments/11/

Do I really need to point-out the flaw in your other complaint? The OP said "he" had never seen that lack of care in any other culture.

[smotherb]

Thai men are just less susceptible to blackmail.

My former western wife tried it on with me, being a sensible Thai man, I just moved country.

They/we just place "not being a pussy whipped doormat" above "being a dad".

Congratulations, you have just contributed to the validation of the OP's statement about Thai men.

[khunPer]

Very relevant opening post and some interesting replies.

Just refreshed my summed up knowledge with my cleaver GF to hear her explanation…

»It’s all about money…« she says and gives some typical examples:

–Girl/lady/wife get pregnant and begin to complain about need for more money, that the father-to-be have to work harder and provide – bla, bla, bla – father-to-be get tired of his lady’s complaints and just leave…

–A man considers a wife inventory or property, something he has bought…

–Man gets bored when wife/GF gets pregnant or having the baby, the man finds a gik, and wife/GF finds out and leaves…

–A young couple goes for example to BKK for work; she sends money from her salary back to her parents, he sends money from his salary back to his parents; she gets pregnant and tells him to work harder or work double time, as he now need to provide for his own family, the coming baby, as both she – and probably also he – shall continue to send money back to parents; arguing and split up…

–When finished, means finished in Thai; you move on and don’t keep contact with an ex…

–The family keeping the baby/child pays, more often the mom’s family than the dad’s. Usually the parents or grand parents take care of the child whilst mom – or dad – needs to work and send money back…

I often read Mario’s excellent replies about family matters and that today a Court may order child support of 3,000 baht/month plus half of school money.

An actual case from my GF’s Isaan village: A young wife – village married at 15, gave birth at 16 – leaves husband; problems with in-laws living at husbands family house and she’s also feeling not enough money or wealth coming her way marrying a social level up within the local community; takes baby child with her. Husband’s family offers to keep the baby son and take care, but she or her family refuses. However, her family wants child support from husband’s family; meeting at police station where it is stated that the family keeping the child pays for it; case closed…

Whereyoustay asks good question when comparing with our Western culture and the given examples – why is Thai or Asian culture so different…?

However sanuk711 comes with a possible explanation for that: »And Siddhartha Gautama (Buddha) looked down at his newly born child, & said, this child will be a ball & chain to me, binding me to my wife. So he got on his horse and he rode off into the night leaving both his wife & child behind.«

Make me think of, how often a driver runs away after a traffic accident – seems like the same when it’s domestic problems. Can it be an Asian way for easily solving a problem…?

I use to keep in mind what a cleaver little Thai lady once told me after I witnessed some kind of exorcism ritual in a distant temple close to the Cambodian border: »Per, there are so much about Thailand you don’t understand…!«

[Datebayo]

Un-freaking-believable the types of replies on this thread. The OP asks a legitimate question, and all you TV surfers can do is make stupid remarks, and attempt to be funny. I see many of the stupid remarks coming from the same set of TV users. These people must spend all day waiting for a new post so they can attempt to ridicule, degrade, or make an attempt to be funny. Get a life! If you don't have anything constructive to say, then say nothing! It is this stupidity that degrades this forum and makes it nearly worthless.

In response to the OP's question: There are Thai laws that require the father of the child to provide support, however, there is not attempt to enforce them. Most of the police that may to the enforcing are probably in the same situation. I have had this discussion with my wife, and she says that the fathers just are too small to accept the responsibility and would rather walk away and pretend the children don't exist. I agree that this is has a terrible effect on society. But, if the Thai government had to provide financial support to these fatherless children, you'd bet that suddenly there would be enforcement of support. That is the main motivation of western governments to enforce support so the government doesn't have to dole out the money.

On a related issue, think how many less girls there would be working in bars if the fathers stepped up and paid support. This is another approach to reducing prostitution in Thailand - enforce child support laws, and the girls may stay home and take care of their babies.

What? You saying they are ''too small'' to accept responsibility? &lt;deleted&gt; has height to do with it? Or do you mean the size of their xxx

ROFMAO do you really think there would be LESS girls working in bars if their kids gets supported by their fathers? Get real lad. The farang exentric bars are not the only places they can work in. That's just a small percentage of the total ''red light industry'' in Thailand. Even if we are talking specifically about the frang focuses bars, not all girls working in them has kids to support.

[Datebayo]

Wife's sister's ex.

both Thai

She booted him out 12 years ago in BKK.

She comes to OZ, gets married to farang.

She owns 2 houses (Bkk & out West), and had had 2 of her kids with him.

He never, never supported, but remained always popping in, and asking her for handouts

This year 2014, she's tried to sell her houses.

Ex finds out she never actually Divorced him properly, all those years ago.

He tries to kill her, for the houses, as he determined he 'still' had a husband-right to all her property, even though it was all bought (after) she pissed him off.

His youngest is now 23, and recently went back to Thailand, to do the 3 month'n'monk thing, to avoid going into the Army.

Ex-dude was trying to be all over his Ex, as if he's still married, all this during the days of Ceremony.

Farang hubby didn't let her out of his sight, as she's not the type to fend for herself.

Dude's finally been banished by all the family, after she finally got her Divorce done a couple of months ago,

and she finally built up the courage,

above and beyond her lost-face, to tell all about what her 'Ex' had tried on her.

(Farang hubby still doesn't know wife was technically married for these 10 years.)

Her Ex (yep he is her Ex, now), never did anything for the kids, but did only for whatever he could scheme - to drain everything from her

To be fair,

Legally Thai husband is entitled to 50% of everything she had, she should be jailed as a bigamist. Australian husband should be informed, and the woman deported back to Thailand. As a bigamist she has no entitlement to Australian citizenship.

As far as I can see the woman is a criminal, and the Australian and Thai man have been scammed and betrayed by a crook.

One crook scheming another crook. And so the vivious circle continues.