Thai Culture

[samui bill]

i have been with my gf now for over 2 years,we moved down to samui and i built a house, all in my company name and set up a buissness,she has not been happy in samui since we got there and we have many arguments.she says she thinks she is wasting her life and getting old(she is 29).the main problem is that she wants something of her own,land or a house as sercurity as she feels she has nothing.she says if we were to marry that i would have to buy land or house for her family is this the thai way?she is a great girl and very well educated,but seems she wants something of her own.(which i cant afford at the moment).i here of so many farang getting married very quickly,and it lasting very little time,and then the thai wife getting everything.i dont want to lose everything.but what is the thai custom when you do get married?

[Heng]

In my experience "educated" gals and requirements that you need to buy land and house for the family usually don't go together.

Your results may of course vary.

[Dragonman]

i have been with my gf now for over 2 years,we moved down to samui and i built a house, all in my company name and set up a buissness,she has not been happy in samui since we got there and we have many arguments.she says she thinks she is wasting her life and getting old(she is 29).the main problem is that she wants something of her own,land or a house as sercurity as she feels she has nothing.she says if we were to marry that i would have to buy land or house for her family is this the thai way?she is a great girl and very well educated,but seems she wants something of her own.(which i cant afford at the moment).i here of so many farang getting married very quickly,and it lasting very little time,and then the thai wife getting everything.i dont want to lose everything.but what is the thai custom when you do get married?

Don't think it's anything to do with culture or customs. Most Thai ladies of around that age are looking for some security. No Social Security over here. My wife always says how terrible it is that someone living together a long time haven't married and the farang hasn't bought a home for the wife ( not the family). A number of her friends complain! She sees it as being essential security for old age, not just a reason to rip the farang off as some people think. Don't forget if you left her or died when she was older where would she live, back in the parents house as most older single women do? Even if she is well educated still difficult for a Thai lady to acquire a decent property.

[Thai-Aust]

Most Thai ladies of around that age are looking for some security.

This applies for most women around the world, not just Thais. Your reasons are valid. Also think about when they have children, women are supposed to look after the kids and thus can't work any more. Some times down the track, men leave women for another chicks, or just simply die. The old gals end up with the kids and no security to support themselves, not even a home to live in.

[TokyoT]

Also think about when they have children, women are supposed to look after the kids and thus can't work any more.

Really?

Me Mum worked, and still managed to raise two kids, me sister works and is raising two kids. Come to think of it all my female relatives with kids work.

Edited June 22, 2006 by TokyoT

[GuestHouse]

She's your girlfriend, not your wife - Make your choices accordingly.

I would say you need to decide what you want as a couple and what you want as an indvidual, then see what the alignment is like.

Certainly I'd not be buying anything in the name of a G/F and since you say "that in any case you can't afford to buy right now" then she needs to come to terms with the fact that nothing in life comes easy.

She want's something that she can't provide for herself - You are not in a possition to provide it right now (I would say you shouldn't unless you are married).

So she has a choice - Wait until you are married and you can provide her the security she wants or move on.

You have a choice - Sell out your own security - or let her make her own decisions.

I know which I'd choose.

[Donz]

Yes I would atleast get married first, she is just your gf now.

[girlx]

Me Mum worked, and still managed to raise two kids, me sister works and is raising two kids. Come to think of it all my female relatives with kids work.

my mom did it with 5 kids too... but it sure as hel_l wasn't easy and it might be worse in LOS where there is no social security, so it does make sense that a woman would expect security, although she should really make an effort to get it herself. just make sure you protect yourself in your investment, when you are eventually able to make it!

[samui bill]

thanks alot for your input it helps me alot,will have to see how it goes.at least i know she is honest with me.

[Thaipwriter]

she says she thinks she is wasting her life

Yellow card

she says if we were to marry that i would have to buy land or house for her family

Red card.

[Chang_paarp]

You have a business and are working to build a future for your self and you partner (current or future). Your G/F is educated and does what? What is she doing to help herself? If you are providing for her why isn't she saving for her future? If she is working with/for you does she get a salary?

I am a cynic but a believer in self sufficiency.

[Minburi]

When you marry a Thai girl you marry not only her you marry her whole family.

[a2396]

I'd get rid of her, if I were you. If you have no rights to joint ownership in a property with your wife, which I think you will not, you are higly likely to wind up on the short end eventually. Of course, maybe you have plenty of extra money to throw at her. In that case, go for it.

[comia]

Don't marry her otherwise she will took all of your belongings or assets

[Suszzy]

Don't marry her otherwise she will took all of your belongings or assets

don't be silly..!!

[Mossfinn]

Don't marry her otherwise she will took all of your belongings or assets

I think it might be an idea to look at the original and subsequent posting dates, however, a helluva assumption to make.

Don't marry her otherwise she will took all of your belongings or assets

don't be silly..!!

Too late for that!

Moss

[fletchsmile]

She's your girlfriend, not your wife - Make your choices accordingly.

I would say you need to decide what you want as a couple and what you want as an indvidual, then see what the alignment is like.

Certainly I'd not be buying anything in the name of a G/F and since you say "that in any case you can't afford to buy right now" then she needs to come to terms with the fact that nothing in life comes easy.

She want's something that she can't provide for herself - You are not in a possition to provide it right now (I would say you shouldn't unless you are married).

So she has a choice - Wait until you are married and you can provide her the security she wants or move on.

You have a choice - Sell out your own security - or let her make her own decisions.

I know which I'd choose.

Spot on

she says she thinks she is wasting her life

Yellow card

she says if we were to marry that i would have to buy land or house for her family

Red card.

Verbal caution. Then yellow card. One more like that and you're off! Difference is a ref usually follows up on his cautions

If she thinks she's wasting her life, it's up to her to do something about it. What did you say her job has been for the last 2 years? How much has she saved towards what she wants?

It's not true you have to buy the family a house or land. There may be pressure to do so, but you need to manage that from the start of your relationship and before getting married. It's your choice whether you help the family financially or not, and it should be what you are comfortable with, can afford, and are willing to give freely, if anything. Anything else you'll just resent and will cause probems. A house is way OTT at early stages. Perhaps later, when you come to love your wife and in-laws, have more than enough cash to spare and you feel you would like to offer...

Honestly sounds like could be a nice girl. But also sounds like a complete sponger. Personally I'd want to see a few changes in her before considering marriage/commitment, as changing them after will be much more difficult. Better to have some courageous discussions now, and see what the outcome is. There are a lot of lovely ladies in Thailand. Ask yourself (or her) what you're getting out of the relationship, or perhaps more to the point what's she putting in, (aside from in places where we all have a few weak spots )

Edited October 22, 2007 by fletchthai68

[Suszzy]

Don't marry her otherwise she will took all of your belongings or assets

I think it might be an idea to look at the original and subsequent posting dates, however, a helluva assumption to make.

Don't marry her otherwise she will took all of your belongings or assets

don't be silly..!!

Too late for that!

Moss

yeah...you were right.!

silly me..!!

[paulfr]

Sure does not sound like she loves you.

Educated but unconcerned with a career ?

Being supported by you yet still wanting more ?

Money comes first for Thai girls and their obligation to support their family is ironclad.

Now is the time to set her straight and let her make her choice.

What would you say to a woman in the West who demanded total financial secuirity

at the age of 29 ? Simply unrealistic in most cases.

Furthermore if you do buy the house [or deed the one you have to her],

will not own it and she can divorce you and keep it.

In fact it would be an incentive for her to divorce you.

She would be a hero to her family for such a financial coup in only 2 years.

I will bet that if you tell her you can not buy her a house for at least 5 years

she will leave you and that will tell you all you need to know.

Consider yourself lucky not to be married to her.

I know the stories of many failed relationships and it is usually the TGs financial

demands that cause the demise. [That and cultural misunderstandings too.]

Red card here !

Edited October 23, 2007 by paulfr

[Mossfinn]

Don't marry her otherwise she will took all of your belongings or assets

I think it might be an idea to look at the original and subsequent posting dates, however, a helluva assumption to make.

Don't marry her otherwise she will took all of your belongings or assets

don't be silly..!!

Too late for that!

Moss

yeah...you were right.!

silly me..!!

I was actually agreeing with you Suszzy, he was the one being silly and why on Earth it has been resurrected, long after the deed must have been sorted, one way or another is another thing.

Moss