Girlfriend wants me to buy her a house

[mesquite]

I think that if you love her, it's a wonderful idea to build a house for her. Just get married in about a year, after knowing her better, then after about 5 years of marriage, and getting to know her family, it would be a good time to start building.

After reading what you've written, and with all due respect, I think you have a lot to learn, so just give it time, so you don't learn it all the hard way.

Unfortunately even this may not work. Thai women are patient and can convince the man for years that "she's different." Best to rent indefinitely or do the mortgage thing even after waiting X number of years.

[Donnie Brasco]

When Thais ask me what I think about Thai women they expect my answer to be some kind of paean.

It's like everything else here, from the Thai Elite card to various monuments here, from their sea coast to their northern regions; they have sold themselves the idea that the Thai brand of whatever we are talking about is the "non plus ultra" of the category.

They have (once again) sold it to themselves.

From piddle little waterfalls to beauty-queen smiles, I am assured (by people who have incorrigibly sold the notion to themselves) that the Thai version is the crown of creation.

Please remember that there are now two generations of Internet savvy Thais who are quite capable of reading these comments sections, the blogs and the web site confessionals of Western men who have dumped their fortunes for Thai women.

They are expecting only one response; a response which reflects their prejudices.

So when a Thai waits for my rapturous response to the question "What do you think about Thai women ?"

I smile and I answer that I like ALL women; old, young, rich, poor, pretty or plain and the biggie . . . . . . domestic or foreign.

They are mostly without response to this unexpected and oddly unconventional reply because they have been inculcated with the notion that Thai women are the most beautiful on the planet. The conversation devolves into embarrassed smiles and simplistic questions about dark skin and femininity. . . . . giggles, whispers, gossipy "farang chawp . . ." comments and the inevitable dismissal.

They are incorrigible in this regard.

They will incessantly repeat this attitude until they get a load of someone like Maria Sharapova standing there smiling in Place Trocadero, (Tour Eiffel in the backdrop), in 4" stilettos and an impossibly stylish wraparound onesie . . . . . . showing off her, um, Paris Open trophy.

And I am thinking as I consider my response, "Maria Sharapova is unattainable . . . . . Thai women (on the other hand) are rather . . . . . "

But

"I like ALL women" is my response.

"Sometimes, 'fuggedabowdit' just means fuggedabowdit. . . . "

[Cuddlycat]

The 1 mln price tag for a house lin Lampang sounds rather low. I would think even in Lampang you would pay 1.6-2mln for a normal house. You pay about the same for a new condo in Lampang.

Suggest maybe to rent first, get familiar with location, get married, stay together for a while, get to know her family and then make a property purchase. Could be maybe a 1-2 year delay in purchase but well worth it for both you and her.

My husband and I get married about a year, our anniversary is coming soon.

It seems to me that you are unsure, having some doubt which is understandable. This could happened in any country with any nationality. Unfornately, it may seem to be more doubtful here in Asia.

I also want to suggest you the same idea. To get familiar with location and see if you really like it there. My husband and I both agree not to buy a house. I have my own small apartment, a small studio room which I paid it off since 2009 and still own it.

We just both go to Amphur to get a registered of married. Later in the same day we had a small party with my family (my mom and my suster's family, that's all we have) we rent an apartment which I choose for him to suit his life style. He likes big malls. But after several months he starts to feel tired of Bangkok. We will move to Chiangmai sometime next month and celebrate our 1st anniversary there.

It's a year contract of renting. A 15 minutes drive to Big shopping mall (Central Festival) the house has a garden and gazebo. This will be a new life style we are going to have. Honestly, I wonder if he will feel bored before the contract ends. If he does, I will follow him anywhere he wants.

The reason we decided not to buy a house is, his dad is very old. My mom is dying. He has kids with his ex but for us we only have each others (no kids together, too old for that) we want to be flexible for any unforeseen circumstances.

My point is, if she really loves you she should willing to wait. She should understand the fact that you may have doubt as she may have hers as well. Relationship is a two men's job. It's not healthy to make someone happy if you feel miserable. (Just expression, I know you don't feel that way)

Just my opinion, I am Thai. At the end of the day it will be you with your own decision, not others.

Good luck!

Edited June 29, 2014 by Cuddlycat

[bangkoklasse]

I hear what you all say and the logical decision would be to say no. But is it that bad a thing to listen to your heart and do what you think you should do and that you know will make her happy?

Am I taking a HUGE risk in doing so?

What risks have you taken and have they paid off?

My GF, pregnant from me, asked, if I would like, that my offspring grows up in the shabby house she was living in, overcrowded to!

She had purchased a very old house in the village on small land, from my allowance saved beforehand

and I paid at least 50 % from the 650.000 Baht house, she let built there,

after the old house was torn down, 10 year ago, still together.

I helped a bit that her sister got a good BF from EU,

to good, he bought her a 1 Million Baht house in short time,

(the land belonged to family)

but married also, got a child and live in EU.

In the house the Mama and my GFs sister 2 now grown up sons from a Thai man.

The 3rd, oldest sister EU husband, helped to repair the original family home.

So, not so crowded now with 3, instead of one living place.

3 sisters, All 3 got one farang each that built them a house:) And now the relatives also live there Good luck

[Greg Nixon]

Do not pay cash for the house. Insist on a mortgage. If she does not qualify apparently you can own the mortgage but not the property. You can even give her cash each month to make the payments. If you have trouble in the future do not make the payments and she would be forced to sell the house to pay for the mortgage. It is insurance that she does not steal your property.

I know of an Australian fellow who bought 2 properties for his wife and she gave them to her 2 daughters. She wanted him to buy another property. She would no doubt give it to her son.

[larsjohnsson]

Do not pay cash for the house. Insist on a mortgage. If she does not qualify apparently you can own the mortgage but not the property. You can even give her cash each month to make the payments. If you have trouble in the future do not make the payments and she would be forced to sell the house to pay for the mortgage. It is insurance that she does not steal your property.

I know of an Australian fellow who bought 2 properties for his wife and she gave them to her 2 daughters. She wanted him to buy another property. She would no doubt give it to her son.

Why buy a house for a girl, if you don't even know if she love/like you? It's crazy to buy her a house if you belive she will "steal your property"

[y2k]

Do not pay cash for the house. Insist on a mortgage. If she does not qualify apparently you can own the mortgage but not the property. You can even give her cash each month to make the payments. If you have trouble in the future do not make the payments and she would be forced to sell the house to pay for the mortgage. It is insurance that she does not steal your property.

I know of an Australian fellow who bought 2 properties for his wife and she gave them to her 2 daughters. She wanted him to buy another property. She would no doubt give it to her son.

What is the liability on me as the owner of the mortgage? Surely it is my legal responsibility and failing to make payments would put me in bad credit.

[tifino]

Do not pay cash for the house. Insist on a mortgage. If she does not qualify apparently you can own the mortgage but not the property. You can even give her cash each month to make the payments. If you have trouble in the future do not make the payments and she would be forced to sell the house to pay for the mortgage. It is insurance that she does not steal your property.

I know of an Australian fellow who bought 2 properties for his wife and she gave them to her 2 daughters. She wanted him to buy another property. She would no doubt give it to her son.

What is the liability on me as the owner of the mortgage? Surely it is my legal responsibility and failing to make payments would put me in bad credit.

so, you are now anticipating adopting the idea there's going to become a time where she's gonna boot you out then? and if she does, then would you not probably leave thailand for home?, - she keeps house and the unpaid mortgage is her problem of choice.

"Does 'bad credit' in Thailand follow you to your home country?" might be the question you want answered??

Edited June 29, 2014 by tifino

[stgrhe]

OP, why paying a dowry in the first place? I suppose this is not according to your tradition so why should you fully agree to the Thai one? In all fairness a relation must take into account both sides history and tradition, and furthermore, if the lady has children or have benn married before no Thai man would pay a sin sod.

As suggested above, buy a condo in your own name or if you insist on a house wait until you are legally married because then you would in fact own half of the house's value even if it is in your wife's name.

[y2k]

As suggested above ... or if you insist on a house wait until you are legally married because then you would in fact own half of the house's value even if it is in your wife's name.

A worthy point, can I get a consensus of opinion on this?

[Fairynuff]

I'm thinking forget the 25 yr loan, forget the girl who's more interested in your assets than you. Remember that she...and the family will most likely turf you out before long.

[bigbamboo]

I am one those annoying (to many on here) people who got lucky when marrying a Thai. Eleven years and counting but there is more to it than simple good fortune. There is no big age difference, she had a good job, good family etc., etc., and two older sisters who had long term stable marriages to foreigners. I met her through a friend in London and we were together for three years in the UK and Thailand before I moved here. She also had a young son who I get on with famously and they are very close to my family and friends at home which I believe is very important. I certainly wouldn't want to be isolated here with any girl. So compared to other relationships I've had she is actually low risk!

I could say the same about my wife in the US, 20+ years before she dumped me.

Good education, good job, good family, same age, two younger sisters, and a virgin.

No such thing as "low risk".

It's not if, it's when.

Of course but that can happen to any marriage, anywhere.

[Pattaya Lous]

Getting very boring now the same things are being repeated over and over. I think the fool guy has made his decision and as the saying goes "make your bed and lay in it".

Please don't come back crying after you have paid the money and it all goes wrong because it will, I don't think you will get any sympathy.

[Bangel72]

It's interesting that the country is going through a process of change and eliminating corruption at all levels, the dowry concept perhaps should be considered as part of the grass roots problem.

With regards to buying a house, when my parents got married almost half a decade ago in the UK it was their parents on both sides who contributed and they bought a house very quickly after getting married, this level of commitment for two people getting married is not that strange.

Where the challenge comes in is that often couples do not see themselves as equals when they enter a marriage particularly when there are culture and maybe age gulfs, happily ever after does happen for some people but its not easy. If you are still together in 10 years it will probably turn out to have been a nice little investment.

However if you are in another country and making an investment of pretty much any sort make sure you can walk away from it reasonably unscathed.

[maximillian]

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Initially for her mother and son to live in but it would be ours to use at a later date.

If that doesn't trip alarm bells then nothing will...... CONDO..

Oz

Stupid as can be. Buy a house for gf and let mom stay...

He will never get mom out. It's the gf's intention.

Wouldn't it be nice to see a foto of OP and gf ?

[maximillian]

I am one those annoying (to many on here) people who got lucky when marrying a Thai. Eleven years and counting but there is more to it than simple good fortune. There is no big age difference, she had a good job, good family etc., etc., and two older sisters who had long term stable marriages to foreigners. I met her through a friend in London and we were together for three years in the UK and Thailand before I moved here. She also had a young son who I get on with famously and they are very close to my family and friends at home which I believe is very important. I certainly wouldn't want to be isolated here with any girl. So compared to other relationships I've had she is actually low risk!

I could say the same about my wife in the US, 20+ years before she dumped me.

Good education, good job, good family, same age, two younger sisters, and a virgin.

No such thing as "low risk".

It's not if, it's when.

Of course but that can happen to any marriage, anywhere.

same same with me. It lasted 19 years. The question is WHEN.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

I am one those annoying (to many on here) people who got lucky when marrying a Thai. Eleven years and counting but there is more to it than simple good fortune. There is no big age difference, she had a good job, good family etc., etc., and two older sisters who had long term stable marriages to foreigners. I met her through a friend in London and we were together for three years in the UK and Thailand before I moved here. She also had a young son who I get on with famously and they are very close to my family and friends at home which I believe is very important. I certainly wouldn't want to be isolated here with any girl. So compared to other relationships I've had she is actually low risk!

I could say the same about my wife in the US, 20+ years before she dumped me.

Good education, good job, good family, same age, two younger sisters, and a virgin.

No such thing as "low risk".

It's not if, it's when.

Of course but that can happen to any marriage, anywhere.

But you appear to be bragging that "yours is different".

Which is not annoying because it is a fact, but is annoying because you are being premature in your brag.

A little bit like jumping off a Pattaya balcony and screaming out you are invincible on the way down!

How long you appear to be invincible, depends entirely on the height of the floor you jumped from.

[tagranados]

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Initially for her mother and son to live in but it would be ours to use at a later date.

If that doesn't trip alarm bells then nothing will...... CONDO..

Oz

Stupid as can be. Buy a house for gf and let mom stay...

He will never get mom out. It's the gf's intention.

Wouldn't it be nice to see a foto of OP and gf ?

Yes! Pics. I love pics. I wish you well with your matters of the heart. It's tough to make decisions like this. For what it's worth, I bought my ex a brand new Jeep Wrangler Rubicon. I'm not happy that the relationship didn't stay the way I wanted, but I'm happy he has something he loves and enjoys. He's making payments (super small and I have to remind him every month), but I knew that could happen when I payed for half of the car. I just made the decision that if it went south that I was going to be OK with it. I'd rather keep being the generous, loving person I am instead of being cynical.

[larsjohnsson]

Do not pay cash for the house. Insist on a mortgage. If she does not qualify apparently you can own the mortgage but not the property. You can even give her cash each month to make the payments. If you have trouble in the future do not make the payments and she would be forced to sell the house to pay for the mortgage. It is insurance that she does not steal your property.

I know of an Australian fellow who bought 2 properties for his wife and she gave them to her 2 daughters. She wanted him to buy another property. She would no doubt give it to her son.

What is the liability on me as the owner of the mortgage? Surely it is my legal responsibility and failing to make payments would put me in bad credit.

so, you are now anticipating adopting the idea there's going to become a time where she's gonna boot you out then? and if she does, then would you not probably leave thailand for home?, - she keeps house and the unpaid mortgage is her problem of choice.

"Does 'bad credit' in Thailand follow you to your home country?" might be the question you want answered??

Why would you move to another country if your wife or GF leave you?

[tifino]

just being metaphoric, to set the example around the concept you may have nowhere to live after she boots you out.

the other angle come from that I don't have the knowledge relating to International banking where mortgages are concerned, and does the smell follow you home...

[BookMan]

As suggested above ... or if you insist on a house wait until you are legally married because then you would in fact own half of the house's value even if it is in your wife's name.

A worthy point, can I get a consensus of opinion on this?

Legally that might be correct, but will your wife and her family see it that way?

Even to retrieve half the value of your house, the house has to be sold to someone else, but the land the house is on belongs to your wife.

[y2k]

The land value there for a 1.5M baht property would be roughly a third (500k) so if I own half the house then worse situation is I lose 500k (my share of the house). An unusual way to look at things I must admit.

[tagranados]

I was speaking with a friend who has lived here for a long time and is married. Not the older-guy, younger-wife thing. They are a young couple. I conveyed some of your questions you've asked here that haven't been answered (i.e. does bad credit follow you). What is your nationality, if that's OK to ask. I didn't see it in any of the posts, but there's about 300 now!

[nanapong]

Do not pay cash for the house. Insist on a mortgage. If she does not qualify apparently you can own the mortgage but not the property. You can even give her cash each month to make the payments. If you have trouble in the future do not make the payments and she would be forced to sell the house to pay for the mortgage. It is insurance that she does not steal your property.

I know of an Australian fellow who bought 2 properties for his wife and she gave them to her 2 daughters. She wanted him to buy another property. She would no doubt give it to her son.

What is the liability on me as the owner of the mortgage? Surely it is my legal responsibility and failing to make payments would put me in bad credit.

Why don't you just tell everybody where you met her. Is she an ex whore or what. You've been asked umpteen times but never answer. Good grief it's 12 pages now and you've said sod all. You're being conned mate , you know it and so does everybody else.

[Pralaad]

The land value there for a 1.5M baht property would be roughly a third (500k) so if I own half the house then worse situation is I lose 500k (my share of the house). An unusual way to look at things I must admit.

Yes only 500 k, plus the furniture you will buy , plus the truck mother will need to go to the market , plus the bike brother will need to drive his kids to school, plus school fees for her kid , her brothers kids and all the cousins kids .

I think you should do it and have no doubts, she loves you, the 1 million is just to make bond stronger

[benalibina]

The land value there for a 1.5M baht property would be roughly a third (500k) so if I own half the house then worse situation is I lose 500k (my share of the house). An unusual way to look at things I must admit.

Yes only 500 k, plus the furniture you will buy , plus the truck mother will need to go to the market , plus the bike brother will need to drive his kids to school, plus school fees for her kid , her brothers kids and all the cousins kids .

I think you should do it and have no doubts, she loves you, the 1 million is just to make bond stronger

Cynical ?

[khunPer]

As suggested above ... or if you insist on a house wait until you are legally married because then you would in fact own half of the house's value even if it is in your wife's name.

A worthy point, can I get a consensus of opinion on this?

Legally that might be correct, but will your wife and her family see it that way?

Even to retrieve half the value of your house, the house has to be sold to someone else, but the land the house is on belongs to your wife.

May not be that simple…

Y2k, you can own a house, but not the land the house is build on.

To my knowledge:

The house.

If you buy a second hand house, you can be registered as owner of the hose at the Land Office; however, if you build a house, there is no such registration. Only way to prove you are owner is: Your name must be on the building permission, your name shall be on all drawings as the client, keep all money transfers and receipts for paying the constructor (or materials & workers), and keep all bills (preferably with your name on). When you at a later stage receive the House Books; the blue for house and with Thai residents shall not list any as “master of the house” (something like that in Thai words), and the yellow for aliens shall list your name as “master of the house”.

The Land.

What is the title of the land deed, Chanute, Nor Sor 3 or…?

Who is registered as owner of the land on the back of the land deed…?

For your wife to be owner of the land, her name shall be registered by the Land Office at the back of the land deed.

Only land titled Chanute, aka Nor Sor 4, or Nor Sor 3 Gor or Nor Sor 3 can be sold (in case of divorce).

Land titled Sor Kor Nung can be transferred to direct heirs only.

Lower land deed titles do not recognize ownership.

So you can own the house in your name, but not the land. However if you build the house during marriage it may be common property, meaning you only own half of the house, whilst the land may belong fully to your wife. Perhaps a prenuptial agreement can state different, but your need to talk to a lawyer. Often a prenuptial agreement is advisable and with lawyers help you may be able state both house and land as common property.

What about the land? If you wife own the land before marriage she can claim it her belonging before marriage and not common property, meaning selling the house in case of a divorce is not possible, as the house sits on some land that may not be part of the deal – i.e. you investment of a house is lost…

If (you and) your wife buys the land after marriage, the land may be considered common property. Now here comes the question of the title on the land deed. Only Chanute and Nor Sor 3 Gor titles are worth considering. Nor Sor 3 title can do, but others can claim rights of ownership within a limited period of time. Any lower title do not state real ownership; however much village land do not (yet) have Chanute title and the low deeds are trading between the villagers with the Head-of-Village as registrar; that does not prove ownership, but may be recognized at a later stage as being common practice. If your wife’s name is not at the land deed, the house will be build on someone else’s land…

Worst-case scenario.

Now saying land title is Chanute and the land & house shall be sold in case of something goes wrong, who will be a potential buyer to the land & house…?

If that is old family land and next to family relatives, no one may be interested; they will get into troubles with the neighbours.

You may end up with non-saleable land and a dilapidated worthless house.

In my opinion, and as I have posted before, consider your money (1.5 million baht) as an investment you can afford to loose in worst case…

–Just consider it as sin sot and a gift to “the love of your life”.

[y2k]

Removed

Edited June 29, 2014 by y2k

[y2k]

I was speaking with a friend who has lived here for a long time and is married. Not the older-guy, younger-wife thing. They are a young couple. I conveyed some of your questions you've asked here that haven't been answered (i.e. does bad credit follow you). What is your nationality, if that's OK to ask. I didn't see it in any of the posts, but there's about 300 now!

Australian.

[Pralaad]

The land value there for a 1.5M baht property would be roughly a third (500k) so if I own half the house then worse situation is I lose 500k (my share of the house). An unusual way to look at things I must admit.

Yes only 500 k, plus the furniture you will buy , plus the truck mother will need to go to the market , plus the bike brother will need to drive his kids to school, plus school fees for her kid , her brothers kids and all the cousins kids .

I think you should do it and have no doubts, she loves you, the 1 million is just to make bond stronger

Cynical ?

Not at all

My hooker ex also thought she was entitled to half of my house and business after 5 days. I was the love of her life until she got 10 baht for the baht bus to get home