Issues with the in laws

[ronthai]

Got the girl/guy, got the family.

Get yourself an orphan

[thongsuknork]

Firstly Welcome to Family next do not bother little problems ,what others are facing is more than you what u r facing its a very minute problem do not over think just move on just enjoy life and congrats for your comming child

wish u a Good life

[dao16]

move far away...asap

[chickenslegs]

In-laws.

I was walking in the village with my wife when we saw my Brother-in-Law getting beaten up by 6 guys. My wife said "Aren't you going to help?" I replied "No, I think 6 should be enough".

(with apologies to Les Dawson)

[Pralaad]

You seem to have this guy pegged...control freak...bully... Do not expect him to change...meeting with him will most likely only fester your wounds and make future family gatherings more difficult...I wish I had a ready made solution...personally...I would distance myself from this nut on every occasion...do not let him get any satisfaction out of ordering you or your wife around...you might try explaining to him what "Fugg Off"...means...

Perfect example of a behavior from someone with no balls at all

[Datebayo]

LOL the replies are hilarious and ridicule. Some makes sense though.

OP, you said U showed him that you have balls, not enough aparently, if he still doesn't respect you and don't recognize you as the master. Two reasons. first, you are the farang with the big money. Second, you are his senior by 10 years. Those 2 reasons alone should be enough for him to respect you properly. What you can do is to tell him to GTFO. Also tell your wife that you are her husband, so you are the boss, not her brother. Thai women need dominant men and you are just not enough of it.

The ''brother'' is making too much of a scene to be her real brother. Like, in same blood by the same parents brother...

[MJP]

In-laws.

I was walking in the village with my wife when we saw my Brother-in-Law getting beaten up by 6 guys. My wife said "Aren't you going to help?" I replied "No, I think 6 should be enough".

(with apologies to Les Dawson)

Les Dawson legend!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uMOrsWxh5mg

[ATF]

A bitch slap is just something I have never heard of before, and I was just curious to know what it was.

When yo run yo hoes yo gotta slap them bitches good, no slapping, hoes 'll be cracking 'n smacking yo green.

Hope that explains it for you.

[farang000999]

Hurry up with the follow up OP.

[Docno]

The way he said it quite loud in front of their folks made me lose face. !

This is a Thai thing ! Farang do not / cannot lose face !

Same with the sinsod

​You have a lot to learn methinks judging by this post

"Farang do not / cannot lose face"

That's what Asians and some farang want you to believe, but we're not that different. We just call it 'honour' or 'respect' rather than some word amounting to 'face'. In western history, thousands have people have lost their lives in duels defending their 'honour' ("you, sir, have insulted my honour - I demand satisfaction"). Now people in our home countries get beaten up for supposedly disrespecting (or 'dissing') someone. How are these things different? At the most, I would say a 'loss of face' requires an audience (you basically lose face by being disrespected in front of others) and is quite similar to the western notion of a 'loss of honour' (what all those duels were fought over. Being disrespected, on the other hand, does not require an audience. But I would say that being disrespected in front of others stings more... and it's fair enough to call that a 'loss of face', even if the anatomical metaphor has its origins in China.

[Tony Aparichio]

Violence or the obvious threat of violence by a folung against a Thai, while temporarily satisfying the ego, will likely be met by greater violence, and someone complaining, it wasnt a fair fight. There were ** of them and only one of me. It would not be a fight it would be instant administration of Justice ( or perceived justice.)ie. a beating. Many Thais boxing with you. Better program address this relative in the correct way smile warmly nod and call him nong (little brother) and treat him like a little brother that thinks he is pretty important. When he acts like he is the boss ask him khon pen nong chai my. ( you are lower status than me or not) Khun pen Pee khun jie stang sue kao kin.( If you are the higher status person here you will be paying for the feasting). Within direct sight & hearing say sanook nonk keet pen poo yai. (Very funny little brother thinks he is a bigshot). The whole while smileing warmly. Heres another good one khun choob pen khun yai py ha taley leik. (If you want to be be a big shot find a small pond) tee nee me pla yai laew. There are bigger fish in this lake already.

[varun]

_{The brother's behavior you describe is rather characteristic of most lower-class Thai males;}

_{uneducated, territorial, childish and just plain simple douchebags who will happily pick a fight with a farang on any small pretext.}

_{You could carry on dealing with him directly as you already are, but if you're on good terms with the father-in-law, why not let him handle it?}

[amykat]

As The Art of War says, never fight a battle on your home ground. Take her away, BKK, Pattaya or even to your home Country for a while. You must make your wife understand you are the boss. If not she will always believe her brother. Give the parents a couple of 100k to keep them on your side but don't even tell your wife you have done this.

Don't buy a house RENT! If you want a car rent or make sure it's in your name. Explain to your wife this is a new life or she can stay with her family and you will go back to your home Country.

Well, you have lost all credibility with your suggestion to "give her parents a couple of 100K to keep them on your side ... and don't tell you wife."

WHAT?? There is no way the parents won't tell their daughter, and probably half of Thailand ... because bragging is a great hobby here, (or unless they are worried someone else will ask them for money ..it is possible they won't brag it all over the country ...but still ...)

And if you think that will get them on the OP's side??? He doesn't have a side in this family. Giving "money for nothing" is the big problem we farangs have with almost all Thais we deal with. This is the MAIN reason, they decide we are stupid vs, generous/kind, or whatever ...this only translates into STUPID, and long discussions/schemes about how to get you to do that again ...and again, oh, and we still need more, so again!

I think ATF, you don't really have a good handle on what is going on in Thailand ... but I hope you will learn more before handing out advice like this! You do seem appropriately paranoid based on the other suggestions in your post, but you just lose it on this one point.

[Soutpeel]

As The Art of War says, never fight a battle on your home ground. Take her away, BKK, Pattaya or even to your home Country for a while. You must make your wife understand you are the boss. If not she will always believe her brother. Give the parents a couple of 100k to keep them on your side but don't even tell your wife you have done this.

Don't buy a house RENT! If you want a car rent or make sure it's in your name. Explain to your wife this is a new life or she can stay with her family and you will go back to your home Country.

Well, you have lost all credibility with your suggestion to "give her parents a couple of 100K to keep them on your side ... and don't tell you wife."

WHAT?? There is no way the parents won't tell their daughter, and probably half of Thailand ... because bragging is a great hobby here, (or unless they are worried someone else will ask them for money ..it is possible they won't brag it all over the country ...but still ...)

And if you think that will get them on the OP's side??? He doesn't have a side in this family. Giving "money for nothing" is the big problem we farangs have with almost all Thais we deal with. This is the MAIN reason, they decide we are stupid vs, generous/kind, or whatever ...this only translates into STUPID, and long discussions/schemes about how to get you to do that again ...and again, oh, and we still need more, so again!

I think ATF, you don't really have a good handle on what is going on in Thailand ... but I hope you will learn more before handing out advice like this! You do seem appropriately paranoid based on the other suggestions in your post, but you just lose it on this one point.

OK your quick with criticism, so what's your solution then ?... Songs around the camp fire ?

[ATF]

As The Art of War says, never fight a battle on your home ground. Take her away, BKK, Pattaya or even to your home Country for a while. You must make your wife understand you are the boss. If not she will always believe her brother. Give the parents a couple of 100k to keep them on your side but don't even tell your wife you have done this.

Don't buy a house RENT! If you want a car rent or make sure it's in your name. Explain to your wife this is a new life or she can stay with her family and you will go back to your home Country.

Well, you have lost all credibility with your suggestion to "give her parents a couple of 100K to keep them on your side ... and don't tell you wife."

WHAT?? There is no way the parents won't tell their daughter, and probably half of Thailand ... because bragging is a great hobby here, (or unless they are worried someone else will ask them for money ..it is possible they won't brag it all over the country ...but still ...)

And if you think that will get them on the OP's side??? He doesn't have a side in this family. Giving "money for nothing" is the big problem we farangs have with almost all Thais we deal with. This is the MAIN reason, they decide we are stupid vs, generous/kind, or whatever ...this only translates into STUPID, and long discussions/schemes about how to get you to do that again ...and again, oh, and we still need more, so again!

I think ATF, you don't really have a good handle on what is going on in Thailand ... but I hope you will learn more before handing out advice like this! You do seem appropriately paranoid based on the other suggestions in your post, but you just lose it on this one point.

I could go into details but what's the point. You do it your way.

[amykat]

Well, I am a bit shocked ...you Soulpeet, have been here a long time I think? The other poster, ATF, seems a bit new.

Have a campfire? NO. Have a beating? NO, I don't think so. Just try to understand that the brother thinks he is the head of the family. He probably IS the head of the family. Oh, FARANG has more money, don't we all have more money then "them"? Oh, farang has more education and age, and according to what we read about culture here ..we should be ahead of others ...But oh, what a shock, we are not!

Welcome to the bullshit/chaos that is Thai culture. I wanted to read the whole thread before I answered more, but I haven't done that yet.

Nobody is equal in Thailand. Someone is the boss, and it is NOT the farang. I agree, that it should be the farang, in many cases. But they don't think we know more, have a better education, they just think "we have been more lucky" than them. They think, mostly, that we are much more stupid than them.

Giving them a bunch of money, for nothing, will not make them think you are now the boss, or make them respect you, it will make a confirmation of how stupid they think you are, and how GREAT they think THEY are, because some stupid farang just forked over a year's income in cash, for no reason at all!!

If you gave her family, $500,000 in cash, tomorrow, they would not love you more, like you more, they would just and only be thinking about how they can get MORE and how they should get rid of you, because they no longer need you ...they have $500,000 in their bank account now. So they might do a mix, of fake putting up with you, while also hating you and feeling very above you, because now they are "rich." But yes, if they think they might get another $50K or another $500K they will kiss your ass a bit longer ...usually mixed with some very insulting behavior that they just can't reign in, because "they are rich now."

Why do either of you posters think this OP should just give a random high payment to the parents? RE the brother, I would just ignore him as much as possible, and realize, he thinks he is the boss. Then live your life the way you normally would, and ignore him, he is nothing, who gives a damn, he is nothing, etc. Or he is the lover. One of two choices!

[arthurwait]

Just give up and ignore him as I do now with my ultra spoilt brother in law. Sorry but a very large amount of Thai men are like this because they treated like princes and can't do no wrong. Never had the discipline most the rest of the world gives their sons.

[David48]

Hurry up with the follow up OP.

Very hard to judge, but maybe the OP, who joined, posted this within an hour and has left and never logged in again ... may never return.

So many bridges to hid under.

Re-worded to ... Such is the transience of this Forum.

[David48]

amycat ... welcome back.

I appreciate your unique, heartfelt comments on issues.

I don't always agree with you, but it's nice seeing you back posting ...

[benalibina]

Well, I am a bit shocked ...you Soulpeet, have been here a long time I think? The other poster, ATF, seems a bit new.

Have a campfire? NO. Have a beating? NO, I don't think so. Just try to understand that the brother thinks he is the head of the family. He probably IS the head of the family. Oh, FARANG has more money, don't we all have more money then "them"? Oh, farang has more education and age, and according to what we read about culture here ..we should be ahead of others ...But oh, what a shock, we are not!

Welcome to the bullshit/chaos that is Thai culture. I wanted to read the whole thread before I answered more, but I haven't done that yet.

Nobody is equal in Thailand. Someone is the boss, and it is NOT the farang. I agree, that it should be the farang, in many cases. But they don't think we know more, have a better education, they just think "we have been more lucky" than them. They think, mostly, that we are much more stupid than them.

Giving them a bunch of money, for nothing, will not make them think you are now the boss, or make them respect you, it will make a confirmation of how stupid they think you are, and how GREAT they think THEY are, because some stupid farang just forked over a year's income in cash, for no reason at all!!

If you gave her family, $500,000 in cash, tomorrow, they would not love you more, like you more, they would just and only be thinking about how they can get MORE and how they should get rid of you, because they no longer need you ...they have $500,000 in their bank account now. So they might do a mix, of fake putting up with you, while also hating you and feeling very above you, because now they are "rich." But yes, if they think they might get another $50K or another $500K they will kiss your ass a bit longer ...usually mixed with some very insulting behavior that they just can't reign in, because "they are rich now."

Why do either of you posters think this OP should just give a random high payment to the parents? RE the brother, I would just ignore him as much as possible, and realize, he thinks he is the boss. Then live your life the way you normally would, and ignore him, he is nothing, who gives a damn, he is nothing, etc. Or he is the lover. One of two choices!

Wooowwww a post written with ample trust of the thais. Not far away from reality though in a family of bottomfeeders. But people not in the know would think you are a basher. This can be the type of (thai)underbelly which one can encounter. I know, unfortunately.

[spidermike007]

It's too complicated, and if you marry her then he will be a pain in the arse for ever.

Move on - you'll never win against the in-laws.

Read the post again, he is married already !!

OP, take him round the back of the house and pop in on the nose. No-one loses face if nobody sees it. Help him up, shake his hand and then run for cover

Exactly. My guess is if you beat the living hell out of this punk, he would never bother you again. He deserves an ass whupping. He has earned it. You will be helping anyone and everyone who comes in contact with him, especially his sister. Bring him out back, and whomp on his face until he starts crying. This kind of thug punk bitch always benefits from getting his ass kicked. Man up, do the right thing. Teach him. Show little mercy.

Spidermike

Chaiyaphum, Thailand

Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[jack71]

Violence or the obvious threat of violence by a folung against a Thai, while temporarily satisfying the ego, will likely be met by greater violence, and someone complaining, it wasnt a fair fight. There were ** of them and only one of me. It would not be a fight it would be instant administration of Justice ( or perceived justice.)ie. a beating. Many Thais boxing with you. Better program address this relative in the correct way smile warmly nod and call him nong (little brother) and treat him like a little brother that thinks he is pretty important. When he acts like he is the boss ask him khon pen nong chai my. ( you are lower status than me or not) Khun pen Pee khun jie stang sue kao kin.( If you are the higher status person here you will be paying for the feasting). Within direct sight & hearing say sanook nonk keet pen poo yai. (Very funny little brother thinks he is a bigshot). The whole while smileing warmly. Heres another good one khun choob pen khun yai py ha taley leik. (If you want to be be a big shot find a small pond) tee nee me pla yai laew. There are bigger fish in this lake already.

I'm the Op who raised this thread and there have been some interesting and relevant replies. The above opinion is probably the most wise. Another member also suggested that I stand him up in front of the family and this is probably the best thing to do- in a non aggressive manner.

Also there is a family friend of the parents who I get along with well as he speaks excellent English. If young brother plays up again I will resort to using this friend of theirs to help me. The parents will be then embarressed as I have used their friend whom they respect so much.

I really believe that the young guy has a chip on his shoulder as the rich farang asked for the sinsot money back.

[ATF]

Well, I am a bit shocked ...you Soulpeet, have been here a long time I think? The other poster, ATF, seems a bit new.

If you've got something to say Buddy say it to me. You obviously have no idea of psychology and strategy. The girl was adopted and it looks like the parents did a good job of bringing her up. Shouldn't they be rewarded? Don't you send money to your mother? I do and I'm not Thai or Asian.

[Soutpeel]

Well, I am a bit shocked ...you Soulpeet, have been here a long time I think? The other poster, ATF, seems a bit new.

If you've got something to say Buddy say it to me. You obviously have no idea of psychology and strategy. The girl was adopted and it looks like the parents did a good job of bringing her up. Shouldn't they be rewarded? Don't you send money to your mother? I do and I'm not Thai or Asian.

Actually, amykat....who is Soulpeet ? James Brown's cousin ?... Wilson Picket's uncle ?

[WonnabeBiker]

Can't give you advice, except IMHO, talking to such a moron won't work but would likely backfire.

When you get beaten up - okay. But if you win the fight, count on him returning with many mates and then giving you a beating.

TBH, walk away - stay away from this guy. Don't get into the car with him. Don't lend him anything, stay incommunicado.

Good luck for your future, hope you will be happy with your wife!